not this

i wanna die

just sometimes

when she says goodnight

and her voice suddenly sounds so adult

welterusten

rest well

and my smile and mind cool to pain

i think i do it on purpose

but i dont know if i do

do i want to feel sad or is this inherent

is it forced or is it natural

i wanna die

just sometimes

because it hurts so fucking much

but she has more pain than me

so i will be strong for her

she deserves more than me

i wish i could suffer for her

and the feeling that drives me to want that

it fills my eyes with tears

im scared

and hurt

i want to feel

something

anything

but not this