Thread 84: Stories 16-30

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Rarity
"Pinkie"
~~~

Scrape.
Scrape.
...SCRRAAAPPPPPPPPPEEEEE....

>...You are scuffing the castle floors.

"Oh, this? Nothing major, nothing big at all. Just a little somethings I got because I love my friends so much."

>That is not what I said.

"Yeeeep... they said "You can't find the rare super-shiny apple trees'. They totally said that. But you knoooowww, turns out, Chrysalis saw it once traveling! Totally serious!"

>You did not need to bring the tree inside.

"But, you know, not a big deal, totally willing to do a little side-trip for my buddies, you know? They're worth it. One hundred percent, totally worth it. You guys? You are the best... but don't tell Applejack I got her this for Hearth's Warming! This super rare appletree is going to be a surprise! You think she'll like it?"

>...how did you carry that.

"Oh ho, Rarity, Rar rar rar rar rar...."

>...

"...I am the one with the best presents don't you forget that."

>...Game on, indeed.

"Game? Rarity, I don't play games... I win them."

>...bring it on.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >32
"Actarius"
~~

"Hey, boss? You haven't approved my day off request yet."

>Indeed, I have not, how good of you to notice.

"...Can you do it now?"

>I could, question is WOULD I?

"...Would you?"

>No.

"What!? Why not!?"

>Because you requested a day off on a seemingly random date while my Hive is currently here, and we sort of need all hooves on deck... all eight of them, since it's just you and me.

"Random date!? It's Hearth's Warming! I was going to go see my family!"

>I have no idea what that is.

"HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW WHAT THAT IS!?"

>Hrmph. Culturally insensitive. Not everyone celebrates YOUR holidays.

"So!? You didn't notice all the decorations or something!?"

>I did. I thought it was a party, you ponies do those a lot.

"For several weeks!?"

>You clearly do not know how to party, or you would not be asking me that.

"Well... fine! Listen, it's a very important Equestrian holiday, so I would very much like to go spend it with my family."

>...Mmm... nah.

"NAH!?"

>You've only been working here a month, little early for days off.

"I-ugghhh... you win... damn it, was finally going to introduce my brother to JJ-"

>Nevermind, time off granted.

"..."

>...

"..."

>...

"...W-whyyy-"

>No reason.

"..."

>...

"...Oh... kay..."

>Back to work bubby.

"Right... right......"

>...Finally, I knew they were together!... Or, wait, he just said introduce them, but not how... DAMN IT! What is the deal with those two!?

"Did you say something, boss?"

>NOTHING!... nothing at alllll...

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >Guard 1
"Guard 2"
'Changeling'
~~~~
>Hey look it's one of those changelings that I hear about.

"It's about time. I keep hearing about them, but I never had a chance to see one in person."

>Staying out of trouble? What's with the rope?

'It's my lifeline.'

"What for?"

'To save my life.'

>...oookaay. Got plans for Heart's warming? Getting any gifts for your friends?

'Well no we don't usually have money for gifts.'

"Aw, here. Let me help you out."
Hands him a few bits.
"That ought to be enough for a cheap gift with the sales going on."

'...you two are awfully nice.'

>Isn't it part of our job to help the common citizen in need?

"I don't know if they're officially citizens."

>If they live here they're citizens to me.

"I don't see you giving bits."

>Geez well if you put it like that. Here.
Gives the changeling a few bits.
>Buy one of your friends some donuts.

'...I'm slightly scared.'

>Sorry, we're new recruits. I didn't mean to give off a scary vibe.

'No it's fine...uh keep up the good work.'
He pulls on the rope and gets pulled back into the ballroom.

>I think that went well.

"If they don't have money to get gifts maybe we can ask a few others to pitch in to get them something."

>Eh I don't know that seems like extra work.

"You wanted to join the guard to help folks."

>Way to make me eat my words.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Chrysalis
"Fluttershy
'???
~~~

"Zzzz...zzz..."

>...What the fu-

"WHO WHAT WHERE WHY-"

*POOF!*

~SCREEEEEEEEE-~

*FWOOM!*

"...Thank you."

>Never gets old setting fire to shit.

"Snickerdoodles."

>Oh wow, watch the language, almost found you mildly irritated... and that guy in front of you will probably get out of the line if you stop staring at him. Right, ugly?

'...W-why did the mailbox turn into a crab...'

>Ugly says right.

"No, Chrysalis, I'll just keep waiting. I'm not in a rush."

>Uh huh... so what's this line to?

"Shimmer-shammer's Shine Emporium."

>What? The sign says "Canterlot Skyline"

"That's the name of the mall."

>So where's the fucking store?

"In the middle of the mall."

>...

"...I'm settled, you don't have to worry."

>Why the fuck is there a huge line?... Multiple huge lines!

"Oh, um... it's sales week."

>...Sales... week?

"Yes, everything's on sale this week, literally everything. It happens every years as Corporations instill a false sense of necessity in overpriced, unneeded junk that you could live just fine without but they won't be on sale next week so clearly you have to get it now and obviously this won't happen next year."

>...

"...You're not even listening to me, are you? You're already thinking of what you're going to buy."

>...I'll haggle them dry...

"Sigh..."

>...

"...This is the part where you run off."

>Hm? Nah, you look like you need some company. So!... managed to pull it off for once, eh? How'd it feel?

"...Felt really good."

>HAH!

"Heh."

'...Am I still dreaming? If so, when are we going to get to the sex?'

>Never.

'...Even in my dreams I'm a virgin.'

>Shut the fuck up, 8-bit.

"Oh, you know him?"

>Nope.

'I HATE YOU SO MUCH!'

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Sunset
"Applejack"
'Rarity'
~~~~

>...Seriously?

"Sugar Cube, ya' gotta fix yer' public image, and there ain't nothin' better ways ta' do it then a good old fashioned time spent helpin' the less fortunate and needy."

>...Canterlot has less fortunate and needy?

'See, darling? That's exactly why we're here. All of these posh ponies are just so ignorant to the mere idea that any who are not wealthy dare to live in their city. Who do they think cleans the streets and windows, or who do they suppose fills the potholes? Really, we need to bring exposure to them so that they're not so ignorant as to what their actions cause when they use their tax loopholes and backroom deals to skirt out of public works.'

>And you're totally not here so you can feel better about yourself and look good in the papers.

WHACK!

>OW!

"Now, don't you be sayin' stuff like that! Rarity's got herself a lotta faults, but she's still the element of Generosity, sugar cube, and she earns it."

'Awww.'

>Huh... guess two princesses and a... zombie helping out at a soup kitchen will at least get ponies talking.

'Exactly! One of our profiles are sure to help showcase the plight they're going through, who could help but look to my beautiful visage and see them?'

>...

'...I'm here because I want to help them, that has nothing to do with whether or not I think I look good. Using my fame and dashing 'in-ness' for good only works if I'm me.'

>...

"...Dang it, Rarity."

'Still generous!'

>...

"..."

'...Oh, pooh on you.'

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Sunset
„Rarity“
'AJ'
-The less fortunate-
~~~~

>Hey there, welcome to The Heavy Ladle, Canterlot's premiere soup kitchen for the poor! What can I bring you today?

-Whu-wha-what? Whadda yer onna 'bout missy?-

>Just kiddding. There's only one thing on the menu today.

SPLAT

>Potato soup.

'Sunset! What'd ah tell ya 'bout botherin' those poor folks!'

>I am sorry. And I am sorry, Sir.

-Awww, dont'cha be worryin' 'bout it none, cutiepie. Just happy to see a new face, eeheeheehee.-

>'...'

„Oh, and look at the highlight on your cheeckbones. Such a delight, you look almost ten, nay twenty years younger!“

-Oh dear me... thank you, hon, I am sure my husband will appreciate it.-

„Ever a delight to help. Next!“

>Is it just me being a bad pony or is she kind of annoying, Princess?

'Naw, 's just Rares bein' Rares. Don't be minding it.'

„Oh, no, no, the food distribution is over there, with the ponies covered in soup stains, darling.“

-Thank ya!-

„Don't mention it!“

SNAP

>...you broke the ladle in two.

'J-jus'...'

>That thing was cast iron. Old stuff. What the hell?

'Rares bein' Rares.'

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Oh god these things are monsters!... oh, wait, they're fine now? Okay... what? I never saw the damn things, why would I care one way or another? Not like they're the craziest shit I saw today... there's a fucking electric giant centipede over there, now that's fucking weird.

>Oh dear god is that a changeling?

>...I wanna touch his skin.

>Oh fuck that's so racist.

>But I wanna.

>It looks like it would be smooth and slick.

>...What do changeling dicks look like-

>NO BAD BRAIN!

>...Wait, can't they make them whatever they wa-NO!

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Sunset"
~~~~~
>Welcome to Not Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content does matter, but I like to pop in unexpectedly! Now for our main guest...SUNSET SHIMMER!!!

"H-"

>I would let you finish that and ask you an important question with all that's happen to you, but I'm gonna have to end it right here. Let me emphasis that I'm not siphoning from the budget whatsoever.
Sunset wakes up.

"...but I didn't even say a complete word."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Chef
"42"
'changelings'
~~~~
'And they gave me these bits.'

"Do you remember who they were?"

'I don't know. One was white and another was grey. Ponies kind of blend together and look the same.'

A chef enters.
>Hey, the other chefs and I got together and made you some pies. Merry Heart's Warming.
some servants wheel in some carts full of pies.

"...They're not poisoned are they?"

>Why would they be? That's not exactly how we want to start the holiday. Just wanted to give a proper welcome back. We hope the crying corner is still the way they liked it.

'Sweet, FACEPUNCH!'
The chef gets punch in the face.

>OW! WHY?!

'I-I was just saying thank you.'

"Ponies don't know about facepunch you idiot!"

'Oh I'm sorry!'

>That's okay, I didn't know about your culture.
He punches the changeling in the face knocking him to the floor.
>Apology accepted and I learned something new. Enjoy the holiday. Ask one of the servants if you need something.

"How is he?"

'I think he's going to feel it in the morning, so I guess he really did accept that apology.'

"...Maybe things will be different."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>18
"Celestia"
~~~

>...Hrmmm....

"Eighteen? What in Equestria are you-"

>GAHHH! YOU SAW NOTHING!

"..."

>...

"You know, if you were hoping to avoid drawing attention to yourself, first and foremost looking like Cadence is a terrible idea. Second, screaming in the middle of the store? Also a poor choice. Third, well... you're currently in the lingerie section, do I really need to point out the problem?"

>...I'm not supposing you'd fall for the old 'look, a distraction' bit right now, would you?

"If it will make you feel better, I'll pretend to."

>That won't make me feel better at all.

"Then no, I won't. I'm a generous pony."

>...Did you need something?

"Oh no, just doing some shopping and spotted you over here. At first I thought you were Cadence and were about to congratulate you for once more regaining your sex drive, and personally offer to watch Two for a couple days while you 'made up for lost time', but alas, your rear is too big, and my joy became small."

>Uh huh... well, uh... I was just...

"..."

>...I didn't mean to look like Cadence, I had just been doing a lot of paperwork-

"A clear departure from normal behavior, what a worrying sign of instability."

>...Anyway, I've been doing a lot of paperwork, and I usually work looking like this in case someone walks in who's not in the know, and-

"And just heaven forbid anyone know you do anything around there!"

>...And I just kind of forgot I looked like this, sorry if it looks weird.

"There are many, many things about your situation I find weird. Oddly, the whole 'changeling looks like Cadence' thing? That I'm used to."

>...Sorry.

"Quite alright, hold back on calling your forces to invade my kingdom and shooting me in the skull, and we'll get along just fine... or don't, apparently you get one with me or something."

>I'll, uh... pass.

"I thank you."

>...Is this weird? Should I not be doing this? I mean, we haven't gotten that far yet, but he's being a lot more open here recently, and I think we're kind of getting over our 'awkward' phase with this, so... well...

"I am very much the last pony you should be asking on the matter."

>Er, sorry. Just kinda thought you'd know.

"Your faith is admirable, you naivety is unsettling considering the power you wield with that pen."

>Not like that, I just mean that you and him were, you know, really close. You used to do everything with him.

"Well, clearly my royal guard would frequently be in my vicinity."

>Pfft, come on.

"...Sorry, but while we have always been close, I'm afraid he was just as unsettled as any other when it came out he was 'seeing' my adoptive niece. He worried it would make it awkward if he spent most of the day having fun with me and then went back to plow her petunia every night."

>...

"...Because-"

>Ha! Petunia! Cause pink... I get it!

"My earlier fears are assuaged. But his worries were for naught, I didn't mind. If anything, I was happy she ended up... with someone like him. Some of the other candidates vying for her were quite... distasteful."

>...

"...Yes, Blueblood once bought her an airship and then acted like that entitled him to bed her that night. That happened, and I still laugh when I think of the screams he let out when she kicked him in the..."

>...Hee hee.

"Nothing but a bastion of maturity on your end. That said, my only advice is play it by ear, as they did. That rather worked out, I should say."

>Yeah... I guess.

"...But personal advice? Don't get the checkered pattern ones, they make you look like a lumberjack hooker."

>Hey, I do want to saw his log.

"He'd much prefer it if you didn't use teeth, I would imagine."

>Heh!

"Heh... Not that I am the expert on the matter, but he's always had a fascination for striped ones, especially ones with a variation of colors, according to Cadence. I'd try that."

>Never would have guessed.

"That stallion is an enigma."

>...

"You look like you want to say something else."

>Don't want to jinx it.

"A wise choice, considering. Well, if you don't mind, the spell I used to garble our speech is likely to wear off at any moment, and I'd like to avoid answering some unfortunate questions."

>Ah, before you go...

"..."

>...you... you don't think I'm hurting Caddy by doing this, do you? She'd say something, right?

"Hmm... you'd have to check with her on that one."

>I do, all the time, it's just worrying me.

"Can't help with that one, I'm afraid."

>I get it...

"...Eighteen?"

>Yeah?

"If time had shifted around, and you had met and married Shining Armor first, would you be okay with someone else 'joining in', so to speak?"

>...'Someone else' or Cadence?

"Is there a distinction?"

>Obviously. "Someone else" to Shiny couldn't...

"...Nevermind, I do believe I have my answer. I realize wishing you luck is silly at this point, so I will merely wish you well. And I do ask that you keep the Empire running as well as it has, I think I can make a game of it with Luna with the right motivation. Have fun, and try to find out what Cadence likes along the way as well?"

>So... you don't find it weird?

"Perhaps... if it had been 'someone else'."

>... with him, If you didn't...

"..."

>...Nevermind, happy Hearth's Warming, Celestia!

"You don't celebrate that."

>Doesn't mean I don't want you to be happy then!

"Oh my, so cheesy... Take care of yourself, Eighteen."

>Never can with the way that paperwork keeps coming! It hungers for my soul... literally!

"Well, do try to keep that around. In short supply, I'm afraid, so hard to find another one of those."

>Bah, I'll just ask Shiny for more love, not like he's got a shortage!

"No... no I suppose he doesn't.... Happy Hearth's Warming, Eighteen."

>And a happy new year!... Let's hope this one is less destructive.

"I dare not pray."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"Kind Guard 1"
'"Kind Guard 2"'
>"Quicksilver Sash"
'Steam Gauge'
~Changelings~
---

'Damn, can you believe we got a holiday after that whole mess? I would of figured the Princesses needed all hands on deck, not to send some of the guard off to relax.'

>"Well, looking at the place, they did seem to fix it up real easy."

'Eh, guess that's love magic for you, or friendship. Whatever they use.'

>"Oh look! The changelings are back!"

'Oh, cool. Hi lil' guys.'

~WHY ARE YOU ALL BEING SO NICE SO SUDDENLY?!~


>"...We were always nice...?"

'Nah man, you know some of these high-class Canties, right arseholes.'

>"Oh, them. But no, we're just the Guard, we're friends."

~It's kind of creepy.~

>"...Is it?"

'Nah, he's just gotta adjust, I guess.

"Hey."

>"OHCELESTIAPLEASEDON'THURTM-- Woah... don't sneak up on me like that!"

"Sorry. You two new to the Guard? I haven't seen you about before."

'Nah man, we've been here for ages, we were just recently stationed in the C.E is all.'

"Heard about that. S'why I joined up, wanna help ponies out."

'Well shit, it's always good to get some new blood.'

>"I hate that saying."

"'A congregation of guards? Having a meeting?"'

"Oh heya, nah I just met these two. And that changeling."

~WHY ARE YOU SO NICE?~

"'Hello there, citizen."'

~GAH THIS IS SO WEIRD I'M LEAVING!~

"'What a nice pony."'

"So what are you both upto?"

'Ahh, chilling, man. S'my day off.'

"You're still in your armour though."

'Considering the shit that goes down on almost a daily basis?'

>"He's got a point. I'm not wearing my armour, but I kind of wish I was."

"Ha, noo, lady like you? Too pretty to be wearing armour on a day like this."

>"..."

'HAH! Oh man... never gets old.'

>"...meep."

"'Dude, I think he's a dude. I think."'

'Heheh, heh, yeah. The eyeliner doesn't help does it?'

"'Not really, no. Quite a feminine facial structure too. Aint got a stallions jaw at all."'

>"...meep."

"I... You're serious? Really? But... your flank, it's so-- Eh, I mean, yeah, feminine, he really is."

'Haaah, wanna go grab something to eat, Sash?'

>"Yesplease."

"..."

"'...'"

"...But... he's wearing fluffy boots..."

'"Yeah."'

"...And eyeliner, and makeup, and... just... wow."

"'...Got a killer arse."'

"I need to go re-think my life."

"'You do that man. I'm going downtown to check on things."'

"Y-yeah, see you later, dude."

"'Ah, hello again citizen!"'

~IT KEEPS HAPPENING!!~

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Chef 1
"Chef 2"
'Chef 3'
~???~
~~~~

>Order up!

"Which cake is it this time? Celestia, Luna or Applejack?"

>None of 'em.

"...Ah, damn it. Them again?"

>Yep.

'I don't know what she expects us to do, not like we can put 'love' into these things.'

>BLASPHEMY! My cakes are LOVE INCARNATE! With these hooves I forge nothing less than my SOUL!

'I meant for changelings.'

>Acceptable.

"Ugggh... let's just get it over with. And try not to overdo it on the salt this time."

'They don't even know the difference! No taste buds! NONE!'

>They have taste buds.

'Insects do not, I double checked!'

>But they're part pony?

'...Are they?'

>I don't even know.

'Pfft, hate making this for changelings.'

"...Except Two."

>Two isn't a changeling, she's... she transcends race, I swear to Faust. She's a little hyper tiny ball of-

The door creaked open softly, gently and quietly, barely loud enough for a mouse to hear.

So, of course, they all snapped to attention.

>PRINCESS!
"PRINCESS!"
'How may we serve you, ma'am? Need another Applepie boost?'

>Cider-cake?

"Apple and Apple smoothie?"

>Say it and it's yours!

Instead, she took a seat at one of the tables, and looked to them with upmost seriousness.

One of them was pretty sure he was going to get fired.

...probably the one that used salt in a cake for fucks sake.

~Can Ah' talk ta' ya'll? Just... not princess ta' folks, just pony ta' pony?~

>...I'm afraid.

"HE DID IT!"

'YOU BITCH!... Wait a minute, you're the thing I did!'

"Office romances are allowed!... and did you just call me a-"

~Ain't nothin' bad, just calm yer'selves and sit down.~

Reluctantly, very reluctantly, they all did.

~Look, Ah' ain't mad, and Ah'm not gonna do nothin' ta' ya', it ain't like that... it's just...~

She sighed, shuffling her hoof under her hat to scratch her head.

~...Ah' set a really bad example. Ah'm just gonna come out and say it, Ah' set a bad example. Ah' get it weren't intentional on Mah' part, Ah' just know Ah' don't like tellin' ponies how ta' act. Ain't mah business and ya' an sort yer'self out most days, that's how Ah' take it. Ah'm a bit too independent minded Ah' know... but this one kinda backfired, cause occasionally Ah' gotta tell ya' ta' stop.~

She threw up a hoof before the excuses could come, killing them as if she had a shotgun loaded into her hoof.

As if she needed bullets.

~Now don't go gettin' in a twist, they made yer' life a pain with their eatin' a whole bunch'a stuff, they even ate all yer' dang cakes that one time. Ain't nobody gonna blame ya' fer' bein' sore, and Ah' don't care what they say, it ain't racist ta' be annoyed with someone when they ain't actin' right. Ah'm not here ta' tell ya' that ya' shouldn'a done what ya' did. It's just...~

She sighed yet again, hoof going limp as she remembered how... jumpy that one changeling had been when he had hit the guard. He had been on edge from being forced to move, and coming back here, when their last memories of the place were being stared down by a literal army...

~... look, no matter how they acted before, they're sad right now cause they just got moved from a place they really like and fought really hard ta' protect ta' come back to a place that ain't been nothin' but heartache fer' them. Don't matter why or why not, just matters is that when it gets right down to it, we're ponies, okay? We're a helpful folk, and maybe we need ta' be less 'bout grudges and fear and more 'bout what makes us really special. Cause ya' are, all of ya' are special. Ya' just... had a bad time. We all did, them and us, but it don't have ta' stay that way. Okay? Ah'm not askin' ya' ta' treat 'em special. Far from it. Just treat 'em... like a pony would, okay? That way, next time they leave, and it's gonna be soon... they won't be so scared iffin' they gotta come back. Cause if that happens, Ah'll let 'em back, and Ah'll make room again... cause we're ponies. That's what we do. Just iffin' Ah' have ta', Ah'd just like it if there was someone else they were happy ta' see. S'all Ah' wanted ta' say, carry on.~

She got up and left.

Nothing more to be said, nothing more to be done.

She got up, shuffled out of her chair, and she left.

>...Hey, uh, Sweet Stuff?

"Hm?"

>We uh... still got those pies laying around? You know, ones we were going to sell after work?

"Yeah?"

>...Well, I mean, I'm getting a raise anyway, what about you guys?

"...Huge bonus, yeah. My shopping is paid for. You?"

'...Ehhhh...'

>...

"..."

'...Guess I can wait till next year for my speed boat.'

>...Seriously?

'Excuse me for having a dream!'

>Where would you use it in Canterlot?

'A DREAM I SAID!'

"This is why we broke up."

'...just go get the friggen pies.'

>Yeah... guess they could probably use a pick me up. Tis the season, and all that.

"Meh... doesn't have to be because of the season."

'...I could use the fountain-'

>No.

'DREAMKILLER!'

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Celestia
"Chrysalis"
'???'
~???~
{???}
~~~~

>I'm just saying, I don't see the point in changelings buying lingerie. What's the point? Seriously, tell me the point here. You can not only make it yourself, you can take it off whenever you want AND your body can look better as you put it on!

"It's just a thing."

>How is it a thing!? You're already able to make yourself perfectly sculpted-

'DID SOMEONE SAY SCULPTED!?'

"Oh fuck no."

CRASH!
GLISTEN!

~OUR PRINCESS! We return to you again!~

{For we are destined to say to you that, unlike that insect, you do not need magic to sculpt your perfect-}

"FUCK OOOFFFFF!"

BOOOOOM

....

tinkle

"...For FUCKS sake, Celestia, why do you let them come around THEY ARE SO FUCKING CREEPY!"

>I find it cute.

"Were you dropped or something!? What is cute about a bunch of oiled up idiots posing all the time!?"

>Says the mare who was totally willing to get with them back when they arrived, and even offered right there.

"...What."

>What?

"WHAT!? The fuck are you talking about!? The hell I did!... Wait a minute, is that what you meant back then!?"

>...Wait wait wait, that wasn't actually you? I was kind of thinking you were just embarrassed, but you weren't the one offering yourself and being willing to give up Shiny?

"NO! That's the stupidest fucking thing I've ever heard! Why the fuck would I give up an overly love charged prince who actually likes me for a bunch of creepy assholes who act like spastic idiots and insult me all the time!?"

>...

"..."

>..Well, when you put it like that... huh. So that actually wasn't you... lesson learned.

"...Discord?"

>Almost certainly Discord. Which, to be fair, in hindsight actually makes sense.

"First off, Discord and 'makes sense' never goes together. Second, Discord looking like me and acting like a cheap whore makes sense?"

>Well, what did you call Fluttershy that one time?

"...Fuck, that does make sense."

>I think he expected me to blab, or not believe you... come to think of it, it's a miracle I didn't, back then at least. Huh... how times have changed...

"...They are SO creepy! Why do you keep them around!?"

>What? I like them. They're funny, they're always eager to please me and they're quite lively, wouldn't you say?

"Lively is not how I would describe them. Really, really goddamn annoying is how I would."

>Oh, you just hate anyone who doesn't kiss your ass.

"I want those things nowhere near my ass, thank you!"

>Oh please, like they're not a little attractive.

"...what? No. No they are not. The fuck?"

>...Not even a little?

"I would not touch them with a fifty foot pole. I'm not exaggerating, I'm pretty sure that pole would come back covered in oils that are frankly a fire hazard, and you think I would want any sort of contact with them?"

>Huh.

"...If you weren't all, you know... would you?"

>...

"..."

>...well... I mean... they're... lively?

"...Oh dear Hivemind. You seriously wouldn't? You actually WOULDN'T if you could!?"

>Never let them know.

"You made them for this purpose!"

>I know, but uh... well, when you sort of help the creation of something, can't have sex with it, and watch it grow for years, well...

"..."

>...They're adorable! I don't care what you say, and if you badmouth them or call them creepy again I will be upset. I like them! They're funny! And they're so cute and eager, it makes me want to give them a gold star and put it on the fridge.

"..I'm gonna tell them.'"

>They will literally commit suicide.

"..."

>..

"...No comment."

>Chrysalis.

"FINE! Fine... can you at least tell them to stop insulting me?"

>No, it makes them happy.

"...Can I keep shooting them off into the air?"

>I'd be worried if you didn't.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Idris
"Gwen"
'Isabelle'
-Ignus-
=Zephyrious=
~Hilda~

>So, here we all are at last.

'Because someone took a month to get here.'

-Oh gee, it's almost like the Far Roost is far away.-

'Oaf.'

-Harpy.-

~Family reunions.~

=Gotta love them.=

"Hush, all of you I-...where's Siegfried?"

'I sent him off to make himself useful, watch that mechanical monstrosity and the little imp to make sure they don't mess with things any more than they already have.'

-Wait, I thought that was some kind of weird circus act, how long have they been here!?-

"They are my guests, the small one is the ambassador for the Morlocks, the large one is her bodyguard."

-...okay, not questioning that. So, situation?-

>Those that conspire against us have not been idle merely digging in.

~Only one who hasn't done anything is the Priestess, she's just been praying in the temple.~

'Wench.'

>Sister!

'Anyone who conspires against our dynasty is our enemy, even if they hide behind pious speeches.'

"How about we focus on the ones that are going to vote whether or not Idris is deposed, hm?"

'Of course, of course. As far as my information gathering has revealed, there are exactly three major voting groups established. They're all of a mind to depose Idris and then present their own candidates to name as the new King. Naturally our allies hold strong to our sides, like dear Gwen's family and my own vassals-'

-Ahem.-

'Oh I'm sorry, I forgot you were here, yes, we of course have Far Roost's vote, praise the Lion.'

~If we can turn at least two of these groups to our cause, then the votes will carry.~

=Unless of course the speeches upon the debate floor don't go our way.=

The assembled gryphons chuckle.

-Oh yes, nothing turns a vote your way like a damned filibuster. I needed that laugh. So, who are we to turn to our side?-

>The Hightalons, the Falconsteins, and the Cloudwings.

-The Cloudwings? How'd those rotten bastards get anyone to listen to them?-

=Money, lots and lots of money.=

-Damn them...we definitely need to stop this now!-

>...what makes it more imperative?

-Because if they get a King on the throne, they'll probably remember I owe them all that money from that damned tournament. Put all my money on Moose Lee and he buggers off after beating up a small child. 'This tournament isn't honorable' my ass...-

THWACK!

-Ow!-

'Oaf.'

"Imbecile."

~You shame the family name.~

-I forgot ONE birthday, Hildy, I'm so sorry!-

>So, we've until the Kingsmoot itself convenes for the vote to turn them to our side. Very well, I shall-

"'-~=NO!=~-'"

>...what?

'YOU can't go, if YOU go it's a sign of weakness. Whereas if you work through spies and go-betweens, you're savvy.'

-...how'd you know that?-

'Mother and father sent me to Buzzards Bay, that place isn't called that just because of how ugly the locals are. What, you thought I gained an aptitude for intrigue overnight?'

-Ah...-

'Why...why'd you say no?'

-Because Iddy's a tosspot and he'd just piss them all off?-

>Why you-

'Eh, true.'

>Hey! I could have you both exiled!

-Oh lighten up a bit, if we're all doom and gloom we're bound to lose. We have to exude confidence, this is a trumped up charge and we have to act like it.-

>True I suppose.

=The only question remaining is how to deal with them.=

~Well we're dealing with a bunch of honor-obsessed lunatics, half-mad 'inventors', and the Cloudwings.~

"Seems to me the best course of action is to split responsibilities. Split into groups and work to the best of our abilities."

'Very well. All in favor of sending Ignus and Siegfried to deal with the Cloudwings?'

>"'~=Aye.=~'"

-WHAT!? NAY! NAY AND NAY AGAIN!-

'You've more experience with them than any of us, you degenerate gambler.'

"And Siegfried has a way with the commoners, one of his few redeeming qualities."

=Considering the Cloudwings are nothing but upjumped commoners themselves.=

'Precisely. Now you two, Hilda and Zephyrious, I'd suggest you handle the Falconsteins, they're mad as can be, but if you can flatter them the right way? Putty in your claws.'

"I see someone remembers teasing Viktor in our younger days."

'One of my few pleasures. And us, dear sister-in-law, will take care of the Hightalons, I assume you're kept up on every single imbecillic courtly ettiquite.'

"I know enough."

>And I'm to sit here, ruling majestically as you all do this for me?

-Well we also expect you to NOT get assassinated, that'd kind of render this whole thing moot...heh, render the moot moot.-

"Idris believe us, your importance will come when the Kingsmoot convenes. All you need do is show you're fit to lead and the rest will come naturally. Our dynasty is not so easily toppled, and our detractors will learn this the hard way."

-HEAR HEAR!-

>Very well, let us pray for success. We all know what must be done.

The Gryphon King raises a tankard that sat at the table before him.

>For the Glory of our House!

-Hail Gryphonia! Hail King Iddy!-

SMACK!

-OW!-

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Applejack
“Celestia”
____

>Hey, Tia’? Got a question.

“And, hey, would you lookie here, I’ve got a gun.”

>…Spike’s gonna be right upset when he finds ya swiped Charity.

“Technically, he swiped it from me first, the greedy little ball of scales, but while I figure out how to load this blasted thing, continue.”

>Well, what Ah was gonna ask was-

“How many… modifications… did they… put on here?”

>-when was the last time ya’ spoke wit’ Jet?

“…Who?”

>…

“Pft… I almost, ALMOST, pulled a Chrysalis. You know, her trademark ‘ha’? Almost. You should’ve seen your face, dear me I needed that. But seriously, did you really think during all this chaos I hadn’t reached out once to my shadow?”

A spark of dire interest gleamed in the princess of paperwork’s emerald orbs and her hoofs shuffled about awkwardly.

>An’? How is he?

The simple shrug of an alabaster alicorn as she struggled to find the chamber release for Charity was one part annoying and one part humorous.

“I haven’t a clue. …But we can ask, can’t we?”

>Wuh?

Celestia’s regal gaze lifted, focusing on a point just over Applejack’s shoulder.

“Jet, dear, how are you?”

[Fit for duty, my Queen.]

The stoic, nearly monotone voice that sounded behind Applejack nearly stopped her apple.

She jumped, spinning midair and landing to see the most secret of agents kneeling, shades glinting.

>JET!

[Apologies for my absence, my second Qu-GRHK!]

As Applejack wound her forelegs around the him and began to squeeze, Jetset, at the same time, began to turn blue in the face, his natural instinct being to teleport away from this heinous source of pain.

But he didn’t.

Not even when she somehow managed to squeeze harder.

Not even when he felt all the discs in his spine slip out of alignment.

And certainly not when he felt a shudder run through this alicorn-level hug.

Even with the darkness of unconsciousness creeping over his vision, Jetset looked towards the ceiling.

[It’s… been a rough month, hasn’t it?]

>Y’all have no idea…

“Mother above, I press one button and four other compartments open up! What magic is this!?”

The pressure around his waist loosened considerably and as his second queen stepped back, he saw that her eyes were bloodshot red, but devoid of tears.

>…Ah’m… Ah’m sorry fer’ what happened, back then when y’all got… Ah’… the w-whole thing was mah fault an’ Ah’ got y’all…

What caused Applejack to falter wasn’t when she heard the ‘click’ of Charity finally being figured out, but when Jetset reached for her mane, as if she had never spoken.

[Your mane… it’s coming back nicely, my queen. Fewer split ends, that immaculate shine is there… color is healthy. I’m… glad. Glad that….]

As with her, he too fell silent. And both alicorns knew why.

What Jetset stopped himself from saying was ‘I’m glad you didn’t get burned to a crisp when I got knocked up to see Faust.’

[…glad it’s growing. But I see you’re making the same mistake that my first queen makes time and time again.]

The orange mare quirked a brow, confused, while Celestia busied herself with loading in a single bullet.

>...Mistake?

[Indeed. A queen must never apologize to their shadows. I did what I did because I wanted to, because I could. Granted, what I did amounted to nothing… I still had a choice. This is the life I chose, to be a protector for what I believe is right. And when that right does a wrong, it’s my choice to be there as a shield while that right fixes what wrong they committed. Because in the end, the right always does. And so long as that continues to be a constant, I will continue to do what I do, so for a queen to apologize is a sign of weakness that I will not allow….]

His voice dipped, dropped low, and it seemed by the twitch of his left hoof that he wanted to do something but thought better of it, choosing instead to stand as rigidly as his training had taught him to.

[As with my prior queen, you will be wrong. Many... many times. But without that wrong, there can be no right. Because duality is a wonderfully wicked thing. Add to it, I didn’t sign on to protect perfect beings. That would get boring, there’d be no growth. I signed on to protect a couple of flawed mares as they attempted to fix what’s broken throughout the land. When you stumble, I need to be there, not to pick you up, but to allow you the time to pick yourself up. And to do that, I need to get stronger….]

Seemingly oblivious to the current conversation, Celestia gave the chamber a mighty spin with a hard earned smile of accomplishment as Jetset started past both matriarchs.

Without turning around, Applejack called to him.


>An’ how d’y’all plan on doin’ that? Gettin’ stronger?

[There’s someone I need to speak with, someone who’s feeling very unsure of themselves at the moment… Because as aghast as I am to admit it, he’s grown on me and… for reasons I can’t explain, I feel that picking him up will make me stronger. Somehow.]

“And so shines a light for a weary eye. Well done, Jet dear.”

He didn’t respond besides a slight bow, then was gone.

Applejack continued to stare the opposite way, staring right out the open window that saw both her and Celestia dive from it a multitude of times.

>Y’know….

*spinnnnnn-*

>Sometimes, jus’ when Ah’ think Ah’ could jus’ about leap out that dagblasted window for the umpteenth time…

*click!*

“DAMN!”

>Ah’ remember that nothin’ll happen, so might as well keep goin’. …Now go give Spike back his gun an’ apologize fer’ takin’ it.

“YOU’RE NOT MY MOM!”

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________