silver

Hey Zen,

I know you are most likely busy with server stuff but you never returned to me yesterday with some more elaborate reasoning except that it felt wrong with continuing my internship.

Disclaimer. This is not a pledge or anything but I do feel that there are some issues behind my thinking here you can take as feedback.

As I said yesterday I don't really know what I did wrong. Perhaps it wasn't something I did, perhaps I was too ambitious, involved and trying for my own good. Perhaps I was not myself during these past weeks when I tried. Perhaps it was something in how I express myself or that I was too pushy in mod business or interfering in too many things outside of my Internship role. It is my way of learning but yes I was also trying outside of my comfort zone. I know I was all over the place but it's my way of learning. Learning by doing and asking.

But how is it possible for an intern to learn if they don't get any feedback or guidance if they are not doing according to protocol? This was why I asked all my questions and was involved in anything that came up. Perhaps it was out of line but I was never told so. Or was it entirely a personality thing that you feel that I am not gonna mix well with the rest of the group or that I was too straight forward or blunt in moderating? That's stuff you can work on during internship and I don't personally feel that I was an outsider among our mods except this awkward beginning to get to know people more closely. I would be really happy what's your or executives take on this.
I don't know but I've been reflecting on it. I didn't want to message you yesterday because it was fresh and I I wasn't in my right headspace with the disappointment at myself and my failure. They are still there but at least they have cooled down and I've been reflecting some of it.

I don't expect an answer on everything but you can use it as feedback. I just want to ask something I forgot to ask yesterday. Am I ruled out of any future Internships or tryouts again?

Yet again, I don't have any hard feelings and I still respect your decision and this isn't a plea to get a second chance. I just feel lost and immeasurable disappointment in myself. Like something's wrong but nobody is telling me what because they are afraid. Like it's too delicate to point out the flaw because it may hurt me, please don't do that to me.

It's at least how my brain interpret everything. Like something must be wrong or is it too logical?

//Silver