Swinging Safari (2018)

0
00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:15,000
INDOXXI
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1
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Hey, check out the Wurlitzer!

2
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How 'bout a bit of Australiana, eh?

3
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This is the Drumtastic 9000.

4
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Auto chords. Yeah, baby!

5
00:00:19,751 --> 00:00:21,417
And now for my big finish -

6
00:00:21,501 --> 00:00:23,209
fire up the Leslie and the subwoofer.

7
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Hey, Gale! Did you hear any of that?

8
00:00:29,667 --> 00:00:32,834
The whole thing's just dynamite!

9
00:00:34,751 --> 00:00:37,084
Oh, I wonder what the poor
people are doing today.

10
00:00:37,209 --> 00:00:39,501
Oh, no, you've gotta screw
deeper. You gotta screw deeper.

11
00:00:39,584 --> 00:00:41,376
- She'll be right.
- Here. Hold this.

12
00:00:41,459 --> 00:00:43,626
Oh, here we go
with the umbrella business!

13
00:00:43,709 --> 00:00:45,792
He's parasol paranoid, I'm telling you.

14
00:00:45,876 --> 00:00:47,334
Terrified of umbrellas.

15
00:00:50,209 --> 00:00:53,001
What the hell happened in the 1970s?

16
00:00:53,084 --> 00:00:55,667
A decade with too much time,
too much money

17
00:00:55,751 --> 00:00:58,001
and way too much cask wine on its hands.

18
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Stop.

19
00:00:59,501 --> 00:01:00,792
Thanks to a birthday present

20
00:01:00,876 --> 00:01:02,716
that would go on to make me
a dishonest living,

21
00:01:02,751 --> 00:01:06,334
I captured everything
in the hope that one day

22
00:01:06,417 --> 00:01:08,042
I could edit the madness together

23
00:01:08,126 --> 00:01:09,542
and answer the question -

24
00:01:09,834 --> 00:01:13,709
what was going through
our poor misguided heads?

25
00:01:14,001 --> 00:01:16,876
My big home movies
starred a bunch of ratbags

26
00:01:16,959 --> 00:01:20,209
who all lived on the same
block - Wyong Place.

27
00:01:21,709 --> 00:01:23,334
Wedged in time somewhere

28
00:01:23,417 --> 00:01:25,626
between Penny Lane and Wall Street,

29
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meet three rudderless families
who lived, surfed

30
00:01:29,001 --> 00:01:31,959
and spectacularly
crossed the line together.

31
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A lot of people to meet
in the next few minutes,

32
00:01:34,001 --> 00:01:35,459
but it's not a test.

33
00:01:35,709 --> 00:01:37,459
Just enjoy the slideshow.

34
00:01:37,542 --> 00:01:40,042
One, two, three.

35
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Open your eyes.

36
00:01:42,209 --> 00:01:43,876
Rack off!

37
00:01:43,959 --> 00:01:47,626
The Hall house was
a disaster movie in the making.

38
00:01:47,709 --> 00:01:50,667
Gerome Hall was
the coolest kid in school.

39
00:01:52,334 --> 00:01:55,042
He was also my stuntman.

40
00:02:02,042 --> 00:02:03,459
And cut!

41
00:02:03,542 --> 00:02:05,542
If this water goes pink again,
I'm gonna cop it!

42
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We're fucking on it, alright?!

43
00:02:07,584 --> 00:02:09,917
- Die! Die!
- No, don't! Stop!

44
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Arggh!

45
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Gerome's dad couldn't win
an egg and spoon race.

46
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Keith Hall rapped his knuckles raw

47
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trying to feed six hungry mouths

48
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with nothing between him
and their next meal

49
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but a mangy encyclopedia.

50
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Are you dreaming of a better world?

51
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I'm Keith Hall from
Funk & Wagnalls Encyclopedias.

52
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Yours to take home

53
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with only the common cents
jingling in your pocket.

54
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With every overly abundant
currency vestibule,

55
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you'll receive the next gold-embossed,

56
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cliff-hanging tome
that will be delivered...

57
00:02:38,376 --> 00:02:42,001
Gerome! I'm on a bloody call
with Mrs. Darlington of Dapto!

58
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Kaye, my sweet?

59
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Please set the table for luncheon.

60
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With her husband going pink in the wash

61
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and her kids' hair
going green in the pool,

62
00:02:53,751 --> 00:02:55,376
Kaye Hall didn't leave the house much.

63
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Agoraphobia, like skin cancer
and political correctness,

64
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hadn't been invented yet.

65
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Mum!

66
00:03:02,584 --> 00:03:03,626
Kaye and Keith were

67
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the sunburnt centrefolds
of Nobby's Beach.

68
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Then... a light went out.

69
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Keith turned to classy porn magazines

70
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like Inspect-Her Gadget,

71
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and Kaye turned to drink
with a deafening silence.

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Action!

73
00:03:22,376 --> 00:03:23,959
Keira Hall loved the water

74
00:03:24,042 --> 00:03:26,001
and bluebottles loved her back.

75
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That's 'cause her dad said
she was special.

76
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Not quite the full quid, are ya?

77
00:03:31,542 --> 00:03:33,959
But you are Daddy's favourite.
You will come good.

78
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But they're black ones.
I don't like black ones.

79
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Nobody likes the black ones, love.

80
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Nah, that was terrible.
You're going down there...

81
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OW!

82
00:03:49,167 --> 00:03:53,042
Ow! Unfair, Liam Jones!
That really hurt!

83
00:03:53,334 --> 00:03:56,167
Not as much as it's gonna!
Suck eggs, grogans!

84
00:03:58,376 --> 00:04:00,751
If the Jones boys were gonna experiment,

85
00:04:00,834 --> 00:04:02,626
they may as well do it at home.

86
00:04:02,917 --> 00:04:05,376
So said their parents,
Rick and Jo Jones.

87
00:04:07,834 --> 00:04:09,518
They said Rick Jones was
the most fun you could have

88
00:04:09,542 --> 00:04:10,792
with your pants on.

89
00:04:10,876 --> 00:04:13,042
Somebody's gonna get hurt
and it's not gonna be me!

90
00:04:13,334 --> 00:04:15,834
The Joneses were
the big kahunas on the block -

91
00:04:16,126 --> 00:04:18,626
the biggest house, the biggest car

92
00:04:18,917 --> 00:04:21,084
and the biggest hair.

93
00:04:21,376 --> 00:04:24,376
Rick sold drugs - groundbreaking drugs,

94
00:04:24,459 --> 00:04:26,042
like tanning tablets and Valium.

95
00:04:26,126 --> 00:04:27,334
Drugs that made their way

96
00:04:27,417 --> 00:04:29,709
straight into the gob of his wife.

97
00:04:29,792 --> 00:04:33,084
Jo owned a specialist travel agency.

98
00:04:33,251 --> 00:04:35,126
Travel Exotica.

99
00:04:36,751 --> 00:04:39,292
She didn't have to work. She chose to.

100
00:04:39,376 --> 00:04:41,459
Tahiti looks nice.

101
00:04:41,542 --> 00:04:44,376
Simon? Tahiti!

102
00:04:44,667 --> 00:04:46,542
Jo knew the world was changing

103
00:04:46,626 --> 00:04:48,584
and she didn't want to miss
the gravy boat.

104
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Let 'em learn the hard way.

105
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Naaaaahhh!

106
00:04:58,917 --> 00:05:01,084
If you had to pick a superpower -

107
00:05:01,167 --> 00:05:02,792
to fly or be invisible -

108
00:05:02,876 --> 00:05:04,167
which would it be?

109
00:05:04,709 --> 00:05:07,626
The first great love
of my life, Melissa Jones,

110
00:05:07,709 --> 00:05:09,542
chose invisibility.

111
00:05:09,626 --> 00:05:12,334
She was the lost girl
that only I could see.

112
00:05:14,626 --> 00:05:16,542
Our fates were sealed
by secrets so terrible

113
00:05:16,626 --> 00:05:18,542
nobody dared talk about it.

114
00:05:18,626 --> 00:05:22,167
We were the first generation to
wear fully synthetic fabrics.

115
00:05:23,376 --> 00:05:25,876
We were also... the last.

116
00:05:27,667 --> 00:05:29,542
Shit!

117
00:05:29,626 --> 00:05:31,334
Oh, my goodness! The kids!

118
00:05:34,459 --> 00:05:38,209
That famous election night
left us both scarred for life.

119
00:05:38,292 --> 00:05:41,667
Melly and I were the flammable children.

120
00:05:41,751 --> 00:05:43,626
If Melly Jones picked invisibility,

121
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I, Jeff Marsh, chose flight.

122
00:05:46,292 --> 00:05:48,042
One, two, three.

123
00:05:48,709 --> 00:05:50,834
Not too hot, not too cold.

124
00:05:50,917 --> 00:05:52,792
My family was stuck

125
00:05:52,876 --> 00:05:54,792
right in the middle of the cul-de-sac.

126
00:05:54,876 --> 00:05:56,084
For cryin' out loud, Gerome!

127
00:05:56,167 --> 00:05:58,334
You're soarin' poor bloody Sandy!

128
00:05:58,417 --> 00:06:00,097
Mr. Marsh, you're gonna need
a bigger boat.

129
00:06:00,126 --> 00:06:01,834
Nick off, will you?

130
00:06:01,917 --> 00:06:05,584
My dad, Bob Marsh, loved
playing the organ - badly.

131
00:06:05,667 --> 00:06:08,459
He worked for a successful
American gadget importer -

132
00:06:08,542 --> 00:06:09,751
K-Tel.

133
00:06:09,834 --> 00:06:11,768
Order now and you'll receive
a bonus set of steak knives

134
00:06:11,792 --> 00:06:13,542
absolutely free!

135
00:06:21,209 --> 00:06:24,292
Needless to say, there were
no surprises on Christmas Day.

136
00:06:24,376 --> 00:06:26,001
Gee, you shouldn't have.

137
00:06:26,084 --> 00:06:27,959
Trace-0-Matic Mark 2!

138
00:06:28,042 --> 00:06:30,042
Uh-oh. Foot odour.

139
00:06:30,126 --> 00:06:32,417
Oh, here she comes.
Welcome, Sleeping Beauty.

140
00:06:32,501 --> 00:06:34,501
Oh, I wonder who this is for.
Oh, it's for me!

141
00:06:34,584 --> 00:06:36,334
Thank you, darling.

142
00:06:37,792 --> 00:06:40,626
Not on the carpet! It stains.

143
00:06:40,709 --> 00:06:44,126
But wait - there's more!

144
00:06:44,209 --> 00:06:45,876
Hey, Mum?

145
00:06:45,959 --> 00:06:48,667
- I'm talking to the girls!
- Mum!

146
00:06:48,751 --> 00:06:50,667
Clean your room! The cleaner's coming!

147
00:06:50,751 --> 00:06:52,376
Let's go.

148
00:06:52,459 --> 00:06:54,376
My dear mum, Gale, was outgoing.

149
00:06:54,459 --> 00:06:56,292
She kept herself busy doing...

150
00:06:56,376 --> 00:06:59,084
...well, actually, we don't
really know what she did,

151
00:06:59,167 --> 00:07:01,542
but we did know that she loved
three things especially.

152
00:07:01,626 --> 00:07:03,459
You cannot be serious!

153
00:07:03,542 --> 00:07:05,417
Tennis, shopping and chatter.

154
00:07:05,501 --> 00:07:07,251
I mean, John McEnroe!

155
00:07:07,334 --> 00:07:09,959
My big sister, Bec, was also 'outgoing'.

156
00:07:10,042 --> 00:07:13,084
The family doctor said
she was very... active.

157
00:07:18,084 --> 00:07:20,292
Evonne Goolagong is an Aboriginal.

158
00:07:20,376 --> 00:07:22,001
She's just a young native.

159
00:07:22,084 --> 00:07:26,251
But she's just fucking gold!
It's extraordinary.

160
00:07:26,334 --> 00:07:28,626
After the boredom of
a six-hour shopping marathon,

161
00:07:28,709 --> 00:07:30,542
Kmart kryptonite appeared

162
00:07:30,626 --> 00:07:33,917
in the form of important,
life-changing foreign cinema.

163
00:07:34,001 --> 00:07:36,001
Come on down and chum some of this shit!

164
00:07:42,667 --> 00:07:44,876
That stupid shopping centre
gave me something

165
00:07:44,959 --> 00:07:46,584
I didn't even know I was getting -

166
00:07:46,667 --> 00:07:48,126
an education.

167
00:07:49,084 --> 00:07:50,584
My superpower exploded

168
00:07:50,667 --> 00:07:53,459
in the form of a mighty Super 8 camera.

169
00:07:53,542 --> 00:07:55,542
I was armed with a weapon so powerful

170
00:07:55,626 --> 00:07:58,292
I could make boys like Gerome
do anything I wanted.

171
00:08:02,667 --> 00:08:05,042
And these three families
collided every weekend

172
00:08:05,126 --> 00:08:08,001
in the sand that time and taste forgot.

173
00:08:41,751 --> 00:08:43,376
Bluebottles in the water!

174
00:08:45,626 --> 00:08:47,584
Want a top-up, ladies?

175
00:08:47,667 --> 00:08:50,459
- Oh, yes!
- Oh, yes, please!

176
00:08:50,542 --> 00:08:51,810
Oh, you've gotta love a wine box.

177
00:08:51,834 --> 00:08:53,501
You never know how much you've drunk!

178
00:08:53,584 --> 00:08:57,417
Well, you know what they say,
don't you? A happy wife...

179
00:08:57,501 --> 00:08:59,209
A happy, long life.

180
00:09:06,876 --> 00:09:09,292
Ooh, mate. That's good.

181
00:09:09,376 --> 00:09:11,084
That's good.

182
00:09:19,417 --> 00:09:22,751
Rooster? Sweetie, could you
pick that up for me?

183
00:09:22,834 --> 00:09:24,917
- Oh, sure, no worries, Mrs. J.
- Ooh!

184
00:09:32,834 --> 00:09:34,751
Now we know why they call it baby oil.

185
00:09:36,626 --> 00:09:38,501
Yeah, you could pop it in the oven.

186
00:09:48,376 --> 00:09:50,167
Eat as much as you can, boys.

187
00:09:52,126 --> 00:09:54,209
Kentucky Fried Crumble!

188
00:09:55,417 --> 00:09:57,126
Boys, get in!

189
00:10:02,376 --> 00:10:05,626
Don't do that, boys!
You know they're deadly.

190
00:10:07,709 --> 00:10:11,959
Muuuummm!

191
00:10:13,459 --> 00:10:16,626
Muuummm!

192
00:10:16,709 --> 00:10:19,792
Urine counteracts. Toilets!

193
00:10:19,876 --> 00:10:21,501
- No! Please don't pee on me!
- Come on!

194
00:10:21,584 --> 00:10:23,292
Please don't pee on me again!

195
00:10:47,001 --> 00:10:49,084
No! No going in the water

196
00:10:49,167 --> 00:10:51,376
till the whole drumstick
goes down, alright?

197
00:10:51,459 --> 00:10:54,542
Oh, stop being a water Nazi.

198
00:10:54,626 --> 00:10:56,542
Go on. Off you go. Knock yourself out.

199
00:10:56,626 --> 00:10:58,251
Love you, Dad!

200
00:11:09,751 --> 00:11:10,751
What now?

201
00:11:11,667 --> 00:11:12,751
What's wrong?

202
00:11:13,751 --> 00:11:15,834
Oh, go see what she's done now.

203
00:11:15,917 --> 00:11:18,292
What's the down low?

204
00:11:18,376 --> 00:11:21,292
Give us a look. Come on.

205
00:11:27,959 --> 00:11:29,876
Quit your whining! Cut it!

206
00:11:29,959 --> 00:11:31,251
I said cut it!

207
00:11:31,834 --> 00:11:33,852
If you don't quit your whining,
you're gonna cop a hiding!

208
00:11:33,876 --> 00:11:35,959
Rick? Deal with it!

209
00:11:36,042 --> 00:11:37,667
- You understand?
- Rick!

210
00:11:37,751 --> 00:11:39,501
Come here!

211
00:11:40,501 --> 00:11:42,501
Bloody embarrassing!
Come on, get in the car!

212
00:11:43,542 --> 00:11:45,876
Bag of chips and a pink lemonade.

213
00:11:45,959 --> 00:11:48,209
And have a good think about
the starving Africans!

214
00:11:48,292 --> 00:11:50,542
The best days of our lives.

215
00:11:50,626 --> 00:11:53,001
Am I rewriting history? Probably.

216
00:11:53,084 --> 00:11:54,751
'Cause God knows our parents did.

217
00:11:54,834 --> 00:11:56,459
Attention, all Death Cheaters.

218
00:11:56,542 --> 00:11:58,417
Camera's up. Let's grab the gear.

219
00:11:58,501 --> 00:12:02,042
Boys! Zinc on noses! Skin cancer!

220
00:12:02,126 --> 00:12:04,251
Oh! Don't be ridiculous!

221
00:12:05,542 --> 00:12:07,251
Blister!

222
00:12:20,709 --> 00:12:22,334
Arggh!

223
00:12:22,417 --> 00:12:24,042
Fuckin' bluebottles!

224
00:12:24,126 --> 00:12:26,126
And they really fucking hurt!

225
00:12:26,209 --> 00:12:29,459
- Suck eggs!
- Mum is gonna piss on you!

226
00:12:29,542 --> 00:12:33,001
Hey! Do you want the Chiko
Rolls and Sunny Boys or not?

227
00:12:33,084 --> 00:12:34,792
Death Cheaters, attack!

228
00:12:37,709 --> 00:12:41,542
I've only got 11 seconds of
film left. Stop mucking around!

229
00:12:42,417 --> 00:12:43,959
I always wanted to be a filmmaker.

230
00:12:45,417 --> 00:12:47,292
My problem was a plot.

231
00:12:47,376 --> 00:12:50,084
Australia and I were hopelessly
bobbing around the Pacific

232
00:12:50,167 --> 00:12:51,626
looking for a direction.

233
00:12:51,709 --> 00:12:53,792
Whale! Whale!

234
00:12:53,876 --> 00:12:55,084
Whale!

235
00:12:55,584 --> 00:12:57,334
I AM wailing!

236
00:12:58,042 --> 00:12:59,417
And thanks to a full moon

237
00:12:59,501 --> 00:13:01,584
and the king tide that followed,

238
00:13:01,667 --> 00:13:03,042
I finally found one.

239
00:13:03,126 --> 00:13:04,834
Ow, ow, ow!

240
00:13:04,917 --> 00:13:06,292
Go get the camera!

241
00:13:06,376 --> 00:13:08,334
Come here! Look at the whale!

242
00:13:09,959 --> 00:13:11,251
Look at this!

243
00:13:11,334 --> 00:13:12,626
Come check it out!

244
00:13:15,876 --> 00:13:18,042
The great blue whale.

245
00:13:18,834 --> 00:13:20,501
This is bigger than Ben-Hur.

246
00:13:22,334 --> 00:13:25,084
Go! Come on! Let's go, go, go! Go!

247
00:13:25,167 --> 00:13:26,917
Ow, ow, ow, ow! Ow!

248
00:13:28,292 --> 00:13:31,209
Dad, grab the zoom. This is humungous.

249
00:13:31,292 --> 00:13:32,917
Wh...?

250
00:13:33,001 --> 00:13:35,792
Residents of this sleepy seaside suburb

251
00:13:35,876 --> 00:13:38,584
awoke to a new, blue tourist attraction.

252
00:13:38,667 --> 00:13:41,626
Wallaroo locals are flocking
to see the dead whale,

253
00:13:41,709 --> 00:13:44,459
much to the delight of
schoolkids, seniors

254
00:13:44,542 --> 00:13:46,376
and salivating seagulls.

255
00:13:49,042 --> 00:13:50,834
It's a whale!

256
00:13:50,917 --> 00:13:52,709
And it's fucking on the beach!

257
00:13:52,792 --> 00:13:55,209
Not fucking on the
beach, on the fucking beach.

258
00:13:55,292 --> 00:13:56,501
And stop fuckin' swearing!

259
00:13:56,584 --> 00:13:58,865
You're not bringing a whale
home. I'll tell you right now.

260
00:13:58,917 --> 00:14:02,042
This mullet has ruined
a perfectly good day!

261
00:14:02,126 --> 00:14:03,751
Ruined? Nah.

262
00:14:03,834 --> 00:14:06,001
I reckon he's gonna put
Wallaroo on the map.

263
00:14:06,084 --> 00:14:08,001
He's a real live dead whale.

264
00:14:08,084 --> 00:14:10,251
Him? I didn't see a penis.

265
00:14:10,334 --> 00:14:12,834
- I think he's a ripper!
- I think he's revolting!

266
00:14:12,917 --> 00:14:14,667
And I think I'd better get a photo.

267
00:14:14,751 --> 00:14:16,584
OK, everybody, looking at the sun.

268
00:14:16,667 --> 00:14:18,292
Come on, come on!

269
00:14:18,376 --> 00:14:20,167
Big smiles. That's it.

270
00:14:20,251 --> 00:14:23,667
Everyone ready? One, two, three, and...

271
00:14:23,751 --> 00:14:25,417
Hang on a minute.

272
00:14:25,501 --> 00:14:27,126
Come on, mate!

273
00:14:27,209 --> 00:14:30,542
Looking up at the sun!
One, two, three, and...

274
00:14:30,626 --> 00:14:32,251
Hang on a minute.

275
00:14:32,334 --> 00:14:34,792
- Come on, Dad!
- Here we go.

276
00:14:34,876 --> 00:14:37,584
One... two... three...

277
00:14:40,334 --> 00:14:41,334
Brilliant.

278
00:14:45,126 --> 00:14:48,209
Ooh, clean bowled him!
Brilliant. Bowled by Lillee.

279
00:14:48,292 --> 00:14:50,876
Would you like an ice-cream,
little girl?

280
00:14:52,126 --> 00:14:54,167
I'm not allowed to talk to strangers.

281
00:15:00,417 --> 00:15:02,209
Have a look at the whale!

282
00:15:05,876 --> 00:15:07,626
Thank Christ we got a park, darl.

283
00:15:09,126 --> 00:15:11,084
Melly, come see. This is ginormous.

284
00:15:11,167 --> 00:15:12,834
I told you to stay in the car

285
00:15:12,917 --> 00:15:14,542
or you'd cop a hiding, young lady!

286
00:15:14,626 --> 00:15:16,334
Oh, don't be a bully, darling.

287
00:15:23,917 --> 00:15:26,126
And on behalf of the Wallaroo Council,

288
00:15:26,209 --> 00:15:28,792
I'd like to welcome our strange visitor

289
00:15:28,876 --> 00:15:30,584
and congratulate him

290
00:15:30,667 --> 00:15:32,917
on his fine choice
of holiday destination.

291
00:15:34,709 --> 00:15:36,334
You got loose change in your Speedos?

292
00:15:36,417 --> 00:15:38,501
Why not invest in a Funk and Wagnalls...

293
00:15:38,584 --> 00:15:39,959
She's crying.

294
00:15:40,042 --> 00:15:42,792
Yeah, well, of course, she's
crying, you idiot. She's dead!

295
00:15:42,876 --> 00:15:44,501
- Hey, cork it, Liam!
- Oh, yeah?

296
00:15:44,584 --> 00:15:46,876
What are you gonna do?
Are you gonna film me to death?

297
00:15:48,667 --> 00:15:50,376
You lightweight hammerhead!

298
00:15:50,459 --> 00:15:52,435
Looks like you might have
found yourself a plot, tiger.

299
00:15:52,459 --> 00:15:54,917
It's got a beginning, a middle
and an end.

300
00:15:57,876 --> 00:16:00,417
Oh!

301
00:16:00,501 --> 00:16:02,751
Bloody hell.

302
00:16:02,834 --> 00:16:04,459
Oh, I think I'm gonna hurl!

303
00:16:04,542 --> 00:16:06,709
This is revolting!

304
00:16:07,334 --> 00:16:09,054
Maybe we should take
a raincheck on tonight.

305
00:16:09,084 --> 00:16:11,001
What? No.

306
00:16:11,084 --> 00:16:12,804
We've been planning this
evening for months.

307
00:16:12,834 --> 00:16:14,626
I'm not giving it up for... Flipper.

308
00:16:14,709 --> 00:16:16,334
- No.
- No.

309
00:16:16,417 --> 00:16:19,126
Righto! Dinner - Chateau Jones.

310
00:16:19,209 --> 00:16:21,584
Got a little surprise for you boys!

311
00:16:21,667 --> 00:16:24,876
Oh, Christ, we'd better beat
the traffic! Come on! Let's go!

312
00:16:27,042 --> 00:16:28,751
- Quit your bloody whingeing!
- Ow, ow!

313
00:16:28,834 --> 00:16:30,810
- I'm not going tonight.
- It's just a dinner party!

314
00:16:30,834 --> 00:16:32,459
Get us to the bank!

315
00:16:32,542 --> 00:16:34,167
We're gonna starve like Africans.

316
00:16:34,251 --> 00:16:35,876
Righto, righto. Enough.

317
00:16:35,959 --> 00:16:37,584
That's where you're going. In the back.

318
00:16:37,667 --> 00:16:39,501
- It's hot in there!
- Ow, ow! Ow, ow!

319
00:16:39,584 --> 00:16:41,959
Dad, your ciggie hit me in the boobs!

320
00:16:42,042 --> 00:16:45,334
Get out, smelly. Couldn't get
a fuck in a Frankfurt factory.

321
00:16:50,917 --> 00:16:55,917
Balaenoptera musculus -
the great blue whale.

322
00:16:56,001 --> 00:16:59,126
It's the largest animal
ever known to have existed.

323
00:16:59,209 --> 00:17:02,459
Melissa! We have guests coming!

324
00:17:02,542 --> 00:17:05,626
If you think you can embarrass
me more than twice in a row,

325
00:17:05,709 --> 00:17:07,376
you've got another thing coming!

326
00:17:24,334 --> 00:17:26,209
Mum, what's with the Sportsgirl white?

327
00:17:26,292 --> 00:17:27,917
It's not a special occasion.

328
00:17:28,001 --> 00:17:29,626
Oh, mind your own business!

329
00:17:29,709 --> 00:17:31,334
Bob? Do I look alright?

330
00:17:31,417 --> 00:17:33,042
Yeah, you look fine.

331
00:17:33,126 --> 00:17:34,751
Party time!

332
00:17:34,834 --> 00:17:36,518
Oh, Keith, be a doll
and carry that up, will you?

333
00:17:36,542 --> 00:17:38,209
- Oh. Look at that.
- Thank you.

334
00:17:38,292 --> 00:17:39,959
Pineapple explosion!

335
00:17:42,834 --> 00:17:45,584
Well, the boys bring a bottle,
the ladies bring a plate!

336
00:17:45,667 --> 00:17:47,584
Oh, they do, they do.

337
00:17:47,667 --> 00:17:49,018
- Hello!
- Oh, what you got there, love?

338
00:17:49,042 --> 00:17:50,042
Look at that!

339
00:17:50,126 --> 00:17:51,376
Nice to see you without

340
00:17:51,459 --> 00:17:53,352
that dingbat camera in front
of your face, Jeffrey.

341
00:17:53,376 --> 00:17:55,167
- G'day, Rick.
- Thank you. Hey, mate.

342
00:17:55,251 --> 00:17:58,501
No cameras tonight.
That means you too, Bob.

343
00:17:58,584 --> 00:18:00,268
I don't know what
you ladies are cooking up,

344
00:18:00,292 --> 00:18:01,667
but the suspense is killing me.

345
00:18:01,751 --> 00:18:03,042
What time is it there, Rick?

346
00:18:03,126 --> 00:18:05,167
One o'clock, Bob.

347
00:18:05,251 --> 00:18:07,042
Care to partake, Mrs Marsh?

348
00:18:07,126 --> 00:18:08,751
Does liquid get into this chalk?

349
00:18:08,834 --> 00:18:10,459
You know you're soaking in it!

350
00:18:10,542 --> 00:18:12,792
Alright. Feed the kids.

351
00:18:12,876 --> 00:18:15,584
Time to crank up some tunes.
What have we got over here?

352
00:18:17,251 --> 00:18:19,417
Oh! Straight off the boat!

353
00:18:19,876 --> 00:18:21,126
Swingin' Safari!

354
00:18:21,209 --> 00:18:22,834
Put it on! Crank it!

355
00:18:22,917 --> 00:18:25,042
Melissa!

356
00:18:25,126 --> 00:18:27,542
You're missing out... again.

357
00:18:41,626 --> 00:18:44,584
- Like a moon landing.
- Yeah.

358
00:18:44,667 --> 00:18:47,667
- Happy belated, Keith.
- Oh, what the hell's that?

359
00:18:47,751 --> 00:18:51,417
This is a native dart gun, all
the way from Papua New Guinea.

360
00:18:51,501 --> 00:18:54,959
- Right.
- Exotic Papua New Guinea.

361
00:18:55,042 --> 00:18:56,667
Wow.

362
00:18:56,751 --> 00:18:58,417
- Hey, Sandy...
- Oh!

363
00:18:58,501 --> 00:19:00,751
- Oi! Keith!
- Only joking! Only joking.

364
00:19:00,834 --> 00:19:03,751
I tell you, one day,
that dogs gonna explode!

365
00:19:08,417 --> 00:19:09,876
Top shot'.!

366
00:19:10,584 --> 00:19:12,268
There'll be more than
balloons popping tonight,

367
00:19:12,292 --> 00:19:13,917
Keith Hall.

368
00:19:27,126 --> 00:19:29,584
New moves! Come on! Let's dance!

369
00:19:31,834 --> 00:19:34,334
You kids keep it down in there, alright?

370
00:19:34,417 --> 00:19:36,417
You take a big chunk,
a chunk of blubber.

371
00:19:36,501 --> 00:19:39,376
Don't.

372
00:19:41,251 --> 00:19:44,459
I told you to keep it down,
or I'd knock your blocks off!

373
00:19:44,542 --> 00:19:45,959
Boofheads!

374
00:19:47,459 --> 00:19:48,667
Cripes almighty!

375
00:19:48,751 --> 00:19:51,584
Go talk to your daughter!
She's doing my head in.

376
00:19:53,292 --> 00:19:55,001
What's going on with that umbrella?

377
00:19:55,084 --> 00:19:57,584
Darling, can you eat
one of these in front of me

378
00:19:57,667 --> 00:19:59,501
so I know you're not gonna
starve to death?

379
00:20:01,001 --> 00:20:02,876
I'm not hungry.

380
00:20:02,959 --> 00:20:06,459
I SO don't have time for this.

381
00:20:07,334 --> 00:20:08,667
Alright.

382
00:20:08,751 --> 00:20:13,584
Nobody leaves this table
till Melissa eats two rissoles.

383
00:20:15,959 --> 00:20:17,667
And you eat them, darling,

384
00:20:17,751 --> 00:20:20,334
or I'll shove 'em down your throat.

385
00:20:20,417 --> 00:20:23,084
Just friggin' eat it! Come on!

386
00:20:23,167 --> 00:20:24,792
Eat the rissoles!

387
00:20:26,626 --> 00:20:28,959
- Hurry up!
- Eat, eat, eat!

388
00:20:34,084 --> 00:20:35,709
- Just eat it.
- Eat it!

389
00:20:35,792 --> 00:20:38,001
Eat 'em, you 'tard,
so we can all get out of here!

390
00:20:38,084 --> 00:20:40,459
And then he says, "Now
we can all get some sleep!"

391
00:20:40,542 --> 00:20:42,459
Ooh, Jesus!

392
00:20:42,542 --> 00:20:44,959
Here we go with the umbrella business.

393
00:20:45,042 --> 00:20:46,834
Rick, I've told you a thousand times,

394
00:20:46,917 --> 00:20:48,584
these things are bloody lethal, mate!

395
00:20:48,667 --> 00:20:50,292
Yes, Bob. We've heard it all before.

396
00:20:50,376 --> 00:20:52,001
Umbrellas should be screwed down!

397
00:20:52,084 --> 00:20:53,584
You'll thank me for this one day!

398
00:20:53,667 --> 00:20:55,042
Nervous?

399
00:20:56,251 --> 00:20:57,792
Short-changed.

400
00:20:59,084 --> 00:21:00,792
Whatever happened to pink ponies

401
00:21:00,876 --> 00:21:02,917
and Leif Garrett posters?

402
00:21:03,001 --> 00:21:07,501
Honestly, sometimes I wish
we'd just stopped at the boys.

403
00:21:10,209 --> 00:21:12,834
- Ooh. Oh...
- Anyway...

404
00:21:12,917 --> 00:21:16,459
Check out Liam -
shit-scared of a dolphin!

405
00:21:17,959 --> 00:21:19,251
Yeah, rack off, Andrew!

406
00:21:19,334 --> 00:21:21,001
What about the bird sanctuary?

407
00:21:21,084 --> 00:21:22,876
Aggro! Pissing his pants!

408
00:21:22,959 --> 00:21:24,959
Yeah? Wanna keep those teeth, homo?

409
00:21:25,042 --> 00:21:26,667
I was scared.

410
00:21:26,751 --> 00:21:28,151
Keira still cries herself to sleep.

411
00:21:29,126 --> 00:21:31,542
Who feeds kids
to sugar-crazed lorikeets?

412
00:21:33,334 --> 00:21:35,834
One day we should sue
our parents for child abuse.

413
00:21:37,376 --> 00:21:38,417
Psst.

414
00:21:39,751 --> 00:21:41,001
What's the matter?

415
00:21:41,084 --> 00:21:42,792
The whale.

416
00:21:57,001 --> 00:22:00,584
Jeff, Jeff, we've got a stunt to shoot!

417
00:22:00,667 --> 00:22:02,626
Melly, darling,
did you eat your din-dins?

418
00:22:03,834 --> 00:22:06,501
Oh, good girl. Right, then.

419
00:22:06,584 --> 00:22:09,251
Everybody off the leash.
Rumpus room now. Come on.

420
00:22:09,334 --> 00:22:12,167
No more shenanigans!
You hear me, you rug rats?

421
00:22:22,417 --> 00:22:25,126
OK, OK. Death Cheaters, saddle up.

422
00:22:25,209 --> 00:22:27,542
Tonight we're gonna pull off
our biggest stunt ever.

423
00:22:32,042 --> 00:22:35,626
Death from above!

424
00:22:35,709 --> 00:22:37,459
Give me a turn!

425
00:22:37,542 --> 00:22:40,334
- “A - “Ay turn! Y turn! My turn!

426
00:22:40,417 --> 00:22:42,042
Then what? You dip it in?

427
00:22:42,126 --> 00:22:44,084
Righto! I knew a girl like that once.

428
00:22:44,167 --> 00:22:45,792
It's pretty fancy.

429
00:22:45,876 --> 00:22:48,584
Well, on that note,
should I spin the lazy Susan?

430
00:22:48,667 --> 00:22:50,876
- Why's she lazy anyway?
- Oh, it's Chinese.

431
00:22:50,959 --> 00:22:52,143
What do you mean, it's Chinese?

432
00:22:52,167 --> 00:22:53,584
It would have been lazy Sichuan.

433
00:22:54,667 --> 00:22:56,959
- Dip it in, and that's...
- Cheese?

434
00:22:57,042 --> 00:22:59,667
Full of holes. Just like my wife.

435
00:22:59,751 --> 00:23:01,667
My grandmother swore by Coon cheese.

436
00:23:01,751 --> 00:23:04,042
She lived to 72. Said it was
her fountain of youth.

437
00:23:11,667 --> 00:23:13,626
We're just... going for a walk.

438
00:23:13,709 --> 00:23:15,542
And don't you dare tell Mum.

439
00:23:15,626 --> 00:23:17,917
Us too. Got a stunt to shoot.

440
00:23:18,792 --> 00:23:19,792
Coming?

441
00:23:19,876 --> 00:23:21,917
Everyone's annoying me
and it's not fair!

442
00:23:22,001 --> 00:23:23,626
Alright, now, Liz... Liz! Liz!

443
00:23:23,709 --> 00:23:25,667
Give us the signal
if they come looking, OK?

444
00:23:25,751 --> 00:23:29,126
Not listening! Not listening!
I want to go home!

445
00:23:29,209 --> 00:23:30,834
Can I come?

446
00:23:30,917 --> 00:23:32,917
No, um... you get to watch a movie.

447
00:23:33,001 --> 00:23:34,459
Deep Throat. It's about a dentist.

448
00:23:34,751 --> 00:23:36,751
Look! Look, look, look!

449
00:23:36,834 --> 00:23:39,001
I actually need Melly
for this one. Melly?

450
00:23:39,084 --> 00:23:41,292
A girl? Shit a brick!

451
00:23:41,376 --> 00:23:43,042
UP yours, Jeff! No way!

452
00:23:43,126 --> 00:23:44,751
Hey, I'm the director, OK?

453
00:23:44,834 --> 00:23:46,251
You wanna be in this movie or what?

454
00:23:46,792 --> 00:23:48,667
Melly, welcome to the Death Cheaters.

455
00:23:56,834 --> 00:23:58,626
OK, Death Cheaters, hose him down.

456
00:23:58,709 --> 00:24:00,334
Soak him good,
because it'll protect him.

457
00:24:00,417 --> 00:24:01,834
Scotty, water!

458
00:24:04,167 --> 00:24:06,334
OK, boss. Water's coming on.

459
00:24:07,084 --> 00:24:08,084
Ohh!

460
00:24:08,167 --> 00:24:10,167
So, you're a normal bloke
tossing the chops,

461
00:24:10,251 --> 00:24:12,393
then it all goes pear-shaped
when the barbecue explodes.

462
00:24:12,417 --> 00:24:14,126
Damian, fuel!

463
00:24:20,251 --> 00:24:22,209
Milady.

464
00:24:22,292 --> 00:24:24,084
- What's that?
- Wardrobe.

465
00:24:24,167 --> 00:24:25,251
Mum's old wedding dress.

466
00:24:25,334 --> 00:24:27,459
She never wears it. Head protection!

467
00:24:27,542 --> 00:24:29,792
One of Aunty Jo's. 100% fireproof.

468
00:24:29,876 --> 00:24:31,792
What am I, a poofter?

469
00:24:31,876 --> 00:24:33,584
Yeah, thanks for that, Gerome.

470
00:24:33,667 --> 00:24:35,876
We've only got a half hour
tops. Everybody in position.

471
00:24:35,959 --> 00:24:37,584
Andrew, ignition.

472
00:24:37,667 --> 00:24:40,084
I yell "turps", OK,
you throw the grenade.

473
00:24:40,167 --> 00:24:42,007
Scotty, he yells "water",
we're shutting down -

474
00:24:42,084 --> 00:24:43,709
Hunter runs the hose,
Melly puts him out.

475
00:24:43,792 --> 00:24:45,751
Travis, you are on lookout. Got it?

476
00:24:45,834 --> 00:24:47,459
Ready when you are, CB!

477
00:24:47,542 --> 00:24:50,501
Jeff, please. I want to go back
and watch Mr. Squiggle.

478
00:24:50,584 --> 00:24:52,560
No, no, no, no, no.
But you're a Death Cheater now.

479
00:24:52,584 --> 00:24:55,459
And it's perfectly safe. You're
not gonna get burnt, Gerome is.

480
00:24:57,251 --> 00:24:58,876
- Can you put a Flake in there?
- Yeah.

481
00:24:58,959 --> 00:25:02,542
Well, tonight is about new rules!

482
00:25:02,626 --> 00:25:05,292
Anybody who drops their bread
in the fondue

483
00:25:05,376 --> 00:25:07,417
has to kiss the person next to them.

484
00:25:07,501 --> 00:25:10,709
Yeah.

485
00:25:10,792 --> 00:25:12,126
Why not?

486
00:25:18,417 --> 00:25:20,126
What's that?

487
00:25:21,792 --> 00:25:24,459
Here, try it. It's the stuff
Mum puts in her cola.

488
00:25:24,542 --> 00:25:27,167
No! We gotta roll!
Bring on the safety water!

489
00:25:27,251 --> 00:25:31,459
- More safety water!
- It's cold! Arggh!

490
00:25:31,542 --> 00:25:33,417
Oh!

491
00:25:33,501 --> 00:25:36,501
No, no. I got it, I got it,
I got it! I got it. No, no.

492
00:25:36,584 --> 00:25:38,251
You can't pick it up.

493
00:25:38,334 --> 00:25:39,959
You can't cheat, mate.

494
00:25:40,042 --> 00:25:41,834
Everybody in position.

495
00:25:42,459 --> 00:25:43,667
Camera rolling.

496
00:25:43,751 --> 00:25:45,376
Here we go again!

497
00:25:45,459 --> 00:25:47,084
Whoops!

498
00:25:47,167 --> 00:25:49,876
Death Cheaters On Fire! And action!

499
00:25:49,959 --> 00:25:51,626
Oh, my God! The chops!

500
00:25:55,501 --> 00:25:57,209
Arggh!

501
00:25:57,292 --> 00:26:00,417
- Anything you want, mate.
- Oops! Dropped mine.

502
00:26:00,501 --> 00:26:02,459
Pucker up, Keith.

503
00:26:02,542 --> 00:26:05,001
Whew! Crikey!

504
00:26:14,251 --> 00:26:16,001
Catch.

505
00:26:27,167 --> 00:26:29,084
Whoo-hoo! Yeah!

506
00:26:36,084 --> 00:26:38,084
Ohhh!

507
00:26:39,209 --> 00:26:40,834
Jeff, there's no water!

508
00:26:40,917 --> 00:26:42,542
Oh, bugger it!

509
00:26:42,626 --> 00:26:43,792
Whoa!

510
00:26:44,584 --> 00:26:46,334
Travis, you're stepping on the hose!

511
00:26:46,417 --> 00:26:48,167
Whoo-hoo!

512
00:26:48,251 --> 00:26:49,876
You're in trouble now, mate!

513
00:26:58,167 --> 00:27:00,167
Pool! Pool! Jump in the pool!

514
00:27:09,667 --> 00:27:12,501
Here's to Bob's umbrella phobia. Cheers.

515
00:27:12,584 --> 00:27:14,709
Yes! Yes!

516
00:27:14,792 --> 00:27:17,334
- Yes! Great!
- And cut!

517
00:27:17,417 --> 00:27:19,084
That was fucking untold!

518
00:27:19,167 --> 00:27:22,542
Are you trying to kill me?!
I'm not doing this anymore!

519
00:27:22,626 --> 00:27:24,959
I quit! Give me the vodka!

520
00:27:25,042 --> 00:27:27,584
This pool stinks of petrol!

521
00:27:27,667 --> 00:27:29,709
- I'm on it, alright?
- Bags first!

522
00:27:31,751 --> 00:27:32,917
Arggh!

523
00:27:39,126 --> 00:27:41,667
Dickhead!

524
00:27:41,751 --> 00:27:44,542
Alright. Number 96 is about to
start. Everybody off to bed.

525
00:27:45,834 --> 00:27:48,542
- Go on. Get going.
- Sleep tight, boys.

526
00:27:48,626 --> 00:27:51,417
Jesus, Gerome, what are you playing at?

527
00:27:51,501 --> 00:27:54,376
- Batman.
- What?

528
00:27:54,459 --> 00:27:57,167
Alright. Come on. Achtung. Get moving.

529
00:27:57,251 --> 00:28:00,376
Uncle Rick, can I, um,
stay here with Melly?

530
00:28:02,042 --> 00:28:04,376
Don't see a problem with that, stud.

531
00:28:09,334 --> 00:28:10,959
Go on.

532
00:28:11,042 --> 00:28:14,626
Night-night! Sleep tight!
Don't let the bedbugs bite!

533
00:28:17,001 --> 00:28:18,459
Thank God.

534
00:28:22,501 --> 00:28:24,501
You wanna turn the telly over?

535
00:28:24,584 --> 00:28:26,251
Like... upside down?

536
00:28:30,501 --> 00:28:33,167
Ohh, Rick, go for it, mate!

537
00:28:36,167 --> 00:28:38,542
It's all getting a bit...
moist under the collar.

538
00:28:40,126 --> 00:28:42,376
Last chance to turn back.

539
00:28:42,459 --> 00:28:44,459
No.

540
00:28:44,542 --> 00:28:46,292
No.

541
00:28:46,376 --> 00:28:48,834
Where's that fondue?

542
00:28:50,834 --> 00:28:52,126
You alive?

543
00:28:55,126 --> 00:28:56,251
No.

544
00:28:57,501 --> 00:28:59,126
I'm really sorry.

545
00:28:59,209 --> 00:29:01,167
It's gonna be an awesome
sequence in the film.

546
00:29:02,251 --> 00:29:03,959
What's the film about?

547
00:29:05,501 --> 00:29:07,667
Haven't figured that bit out yet.

548
00:29:07,751 --> 00:29:09,209
Is the whale gonna be in it?

549
00:29:10,292 --> 00:29:11,917
I guess so.

550
00:29:13,001 --> 00:29:15,751
The TV said that she did it on purpose.

551
00:29:18,584 --> 00:29:21,042
That she swam up the beach deliberately.

552
00:29:24,001 --> 00:29:25,709
Why would she have done that?

553
00:29:27,376 --> 00:29:29,292
Do you think she got lost?

554
00:29:30,376 --> 00:29:31,667
I don't know.

555
00:29:36,542 --> 00:29:38,251
Will you sleep with me?

556
00:29:43,251 --> 00:29:44,876
I'm scared.

557
00:29:45,417 --> 00:29:46,667
Of what?

558
00:29:49,542 --> 00:29:51,084
Everything.

559
00:30:19,084 --> 00:30:20,459
Like Nanna does.

560
00:30:24,501 --> 00:30:26,251
Put your arm around me.

561
00:30:43,334 --> 00:30:45,584
Whoo-hoo!

562
00:30:47,584 --> 00:30:49,501
Andrew, you dimwit! Go home!

563
00:30:50,501 --> 00:30:52,292
Yes!

564
00:30:57,751 --> 00:31:00,126
Yeah, she... she thought
it was the other one!

565
00:31:02,209 --> 00:31:06,376
The next game is called Swinging Safari.

566
00:31:06,459 --> 00:31:07,834
Oh, yeah?

567
00:31:08,209 --> 00:31:09,834
This is a vase.

568
00:31:09,917 --> 00:31:13,876
Gentlemen, you all have keys.

569
00:31:15,584 --> 00:31:16,959
Ooh!

570
00:31:17,626 --> 00:31:20,751
Oh, no way!

571
00:31:20,834 --> 00:31:22,584
- You're joking.
- Yes.

572
00:31:22,667 --> 00:31:24,292
You've heard about it,

573
00:31:24,376 --> 00:31:26,459
you've read about it,

574
00:31:26,542 --> 00:31:29,542
and tonight, you're going to live it.

575
00:31:30,209 --> 00:31:36,251
Because the world is spinning
like a rotisserie chook.

576
00:31:36,334 --> 00:31:39,001
Who wants to get left behind?

577
00:31:43,209 --> 00:31:44,417
Stuff it. I'm in.

578
00:31:50,251 --> 00:31:51,251
I'm in.

579
00:31:53,542 --> 00:31:54,626
Hey, hey, hey, hey!

580
00:32:03,959 --> 00:32:05,501
Now.

581
00:32:05,584 --> 00:32:07,792
Gale, darling,
would you like to go first?

582
00:32:29,084 --> 00:32:30,542
My hand's stuck.

583
00:32:32,292 --> 00:32:34,501
- My hand's stuck.
- Oh, no!

584
00:32:34,584 --> 00:32:35,792
Come here, come here.

585
00:32:35,876 --> 00:32:37,716
No, no, no. It's stuck.
It's stuck. It's stuck.

586
00:32:37,751 --> 00:32:39,667
- It's stuck!
- Push it back in.

587
00:32:39,751 --> 00:32:43,376
I'll just... l'll just...
I'll get the KY jelly.

588
00:32:43,459 --> 00:32:45,667
- Gale, darling...
- It's alright. I'm fine.

589
00:32:45,751 --> 00:32:48,001
- Pull it harder, mate!
- I'm pulling!

590
00:32:48,084 --> 00:32:50,209
She's gotta let go of the keys!

591
00:32:50,292 --> 00:32:52,459
- Don't lose the mood!
- Ouch!

592
00:32:58,084 --> 00:32:59,417
What's that?

593
00:33:06,709 --> 00:33:07,709
Ooh!

594
00:34:13,292 --> 00:34:14,501
This is wrong.

595
00:34:15,917 --> 00:34:17,334
All of it!

596
00:34:19,376 --> 00:34:20,876
Look at us!

597
00:34:22,251 --> 00:34:24,167
We should all be ashamed of ourselves.

598
00:34:24,251 --> 00:34:26,792
- Oh, God!
- Come on, Sandy.

599
00:34:30,001 --> 00:34:32,542
Oh, Keith...

600
00:34:32,626 --> 00:34:34,251
- Give us a jiffy.
- Keith, stop it.

601
00:34:34,334 --> 00:34:35,667
Two ticks. Nearly there.

602
00:34:35,834 --> 00:34:37,292
I'll give you more than two ticks

603
00:34:37,376 --> 00:34:38,560
if you don't stop plonking my wife!

604
00:34:38,584 --> 00:34:41,084
Stop it. Stop it.

605
00:34:42,959 --> 00:34:45,584
Get off her, or you'll be
dead sorry in the morning!

606
00:35:08,251 --> 00:35:09,876
Come on, get in the car!

607
00:35:09,959 --> 00:35:11,685
Why can't we catch the bus
like everybody else?

608
00:35:11,709 --> 00:35:13,584
Because you're not like everybody else!

609
00:35:13,667 --> 00:35:15,667
- Shut it!
- Oh, now we're trapped.

610
00:35:15,751 --> 00:35:18,209
Why are you being such a dick, Dad?

611
00:35:20,251 --> 00:35:22,501
- Just shut up!
- Yeah? You gonna make me?

612
00:35:22,584 --> 00:35:24,584
Oop!

613
00:35:24,667 --> 00:35:26,292
Ooh!

614
00:35:29,667 --> 00:35:31,626
Oi! Hey!

615
00:35:33,542 --> 00:35:36,001
- You alright, mate?
- Yep. Yeah, I'm good.

616
00:35:36,084 --> 00:35:38,584
- Oh, Dad ran over Jeff.
- Bloody idiot.

617
00:35:42,167 --> 00:35:44,376
Jeez. What's up their bums?

618
00:35:46,626 --> 00:35:48,376
You're not going
to state schools anymore.

619
00:35:48,459 --> 00:35:50,084
I'm not going to a poofter school!

620
00:35:50,167 --> 00:35:52,501
You're going to the King's School...

621
00:35:52,584 --> 00:35:54,001
Can you believe that?

622
00:35:57,751 --> 00:35:59,584
Oh! Crying out loud!

623
00:36:10,584 --> 00:36:11,751
Save the whales!

624
00:36:11,834 --> 00:36:14,018
- Oh, a bit late now, isn't it?
- Go suck plankton, you lezzo!

625
00:36:14,042 --> 00:36:15,667
- Hey! ' OW!

626
00:36:15,751 --> 00:36:17,709
Watch it, you little bastards!
Get out of here!

627
00:36:17,792 --> 00:36:19,584
Smells like Bec Marsh.

628
00:36:19,667 --> 00:36:22,376
Oh, as much as we love
our wayward friend here,

629
00:36:22,459 --> 00:36:24,376
I think it's about time
he found his flippers

630
00:36:24,459 --> 00:36:27,167
and made his way back to the sea...

631
00:36:27,251 --> 00:36:29,667
..where he belongs.

632
00:36:29,751 --> 00:36:33,584
I understand there's
a big tide coming in.

633
00:36:37,001 --> 00:36:38,667
What's happening?

634
00:36:38,751 --> 00:36:40,376
Rigor mortis.

635
00:36:40,459 --> 00:36:42,584
No, to our parents.

636
00:36:42,667 --> 00:36:44,667
Why were they doing that to each other?

637
00:36:45,959 --> 00:36:47,667
I don't know.

638
00:36:48,709 --> 00:36:50,376
But you can't tell anybody.

639
00:36:50,459 --> 00:36:53,876
Make me a promise. Nobody ever knows.

640
00:36:59,334 --> 00:37:01,501
We just go to school like normal.

641
00:37:02,292 --> 00:37:04,792
Nothing ever happened.
It's just business as usual.

642
00:37:20,584 --> 00:37:22,459
Me, me, me!

643
00:37:25,626 --> 00:37:28,626
But, Mrs. Wilson,
we can't even afford shoes!

644
00:37:28,709 --> 00:37:31,417
Mum makes a walk to the beach
in tissue boxes!

645
00:37:31,501 --> 00:37:34,209
Alright, then. A Lamington...

646
00:37:34,292 --> 00:37:36,417
...and a Mint Pattie,

647
00:37:36,501 --> 00:37:38,727
in case you have to walk to
Africa to help the poor people.

648
00:37:38,751 --> 00:37:40,584
Thanks, Mrs Wilson...

649
00:37:40,667 --> 00:37:43,167
- ...sucker!
- Hey! I heard that!

650
00:37:49,459 --> 00:37:51,126
We should all be honoured

651
00:37:51,209 --> 00:37:53,709
by the arrival of the great blue whale,

652
00:37:53,792 --> 00:37:56,959
nature's largest living creation,

653
00:37:57,042 --> 00:38:00,626
right here on Nobby's Beach.

654
00:38:00,709 --> 00:38:01,792
Why?

655
00:38:03,584 --> 00:38:05,251
Why would she kill herself?

656
00:38:05,334 --> 00:38:06,614
That's a good question, Melissa.

657
00:38:07,126 --> 00:38:09,626
Whales have been beaching
themselves for centuries.

658
00:38:09,709 --> 00:38:12,167
Has anybody got a clue as to why?

659
00:38:12,251 --> 00:38:13,917
The Lebanese?

660
00:38:14,751 --> 00:38:17,334
The truth is, nobody knows.

661
00:38:18,167 --> 00:38:20,417
Oil tankers. Pollution.

662
00:38:20,501 --> 00:38:22,376
Maybe she got lost.

663
00:38:23,042 --> 00:38:25,917
Or maybe... she'd just had enough.

664
00:38:36,917 --> 00:38:38,935
- I'm gonna play the murderer.
- Then I want to be the victim.

665
00:38:38,959 --> 00:38:40,626
- You already are.
- OK, no.

666
00:38:40,709 --> 00:38:43,251
Casting doesn't start till
I speak to Mr. Logan, alright?

667
00:38:43,334 --> 00:38:45,959
No. Come on. You said...

668
00:38:46,042 --> 00:38:47,126
Oh, shit!

669
00:38:55,417 --> 00:38:57,167
That looks nice.

670
00:38:57,251 --> 00:38:59,042
Here. Have some of mine.

671
00:38:59,126 --> 00:39:01,042
Got leftover fondue. Yummy.

672
00:39:01,792 --> 00:39:03,709
No, thanks. I...

673
00:39:04,251 --> 00:39:06,042
...don't want to eat anymore.

674
00:39:08,251 --> 00:39:09,959
I don't see the point.

675
00:39:14,459 --> 00:39:17,084
- Can I have that?
- But it's got sand on it.

676
00:39:17,167 --> 00:39:18,876
They're called 'sand-wishes'.

677
00:39:21,209 --> 00:39:22,959
Mr Logan!

678
00:39:23,042 --> 00:39:25,084
Hello, hello, hello!

679
00:39:26,251 --> 00:39:28,042
Wait here. I'll be right back.

680
00:39:30,917 --> 00:39:32,542
Has everyone done their homework?

681
00:39:32,626 --> 00:39:34,251
- Yes!
- Mr Logan. Mr Logan.

682
00:39:34,334 --> 00:39:35,376
I'm starting a new film

683
00:39:35,459 --> 00:39:37,917
and I really need you
to be the main character.

684
00:39:38,001 --> 00:39:40,584
What fresh hell on yonder window breaks?

685
00:39:46,209 --> 00:39:49,251
Not good enough, Mr Hall!
I'm giving you a C!

686
00:39:49,334 --> 00:39:51,001
That's OK, Mr Logan.

687
00:39:51,084 --> 00:39:53,834
'Cause I'm giving you a D - D for dead!

688
00:39:53,917 --> 00:39:57,167
Yes!

689
00:40:04,751 --> 00:40:07,001
Stop hurting her!

690
00:40:07,084 --> 00:40:09,292
Stop! Stop! Stop it!

691
00:40:20,792 --> 00:40:23,626
- Hey. Gerome!
- What?

692
00:40:24,251 --> 00:40:27,001
I was thinking - we cut out the
shark and we work the whale in.

693
00:40:27,084 --> 00:40:29,042
You know, make a new plot.
What do you think?

694
00:40:30,292 --> 00:40:32,667
Jeff. . mack off.

695
00:40:36,834 --> 00:40:38,501
G'day, Peter Frampton.

696
00:40:38,584 --> 00:40:40,167
Hey.

697
00:40:46,376 --> 00:40:49,459
My best friend has just
dumped me for my sister.

698
00:40:49,542 --> 00:40:52,334
This is all going... tits up!

699
00:40:53,042 --> 00:40:55,876
I was almost Miss Wallaroo!

700
00:40:55,959 --> 00:40:57,584
My memory is

701
00:40:57,667 --> 00:40:59,751
you were almost expelled
from June Dally-Watkins.

702
00:40:59,834 --> 00:41:01,459
This is all your fault.

703
00:41:01,542 --> 00:41:04,709
Everything was going fine.
Until you ruined it!

704
00:41:04,792 --> 00:41:07,792
I ruined it? You know what
ruined it? Middle-aged tits!

705
00:41:07,876 --> 00:41:10,001
I've seen better crepes
at Pancakes on the Rocks!

706
00:41:10,084 --> 00:41:12,084
Hey! Get!

707
00:41:12,167 --> 00:41:14,352
Encyclopedias are chock-a-block
full of things you'll discover.

708
00:41:14,376 --> 00:41:16,001
I mean, there's no end to it.

709
00:41:16,084 --> 00:41:17,709
If you look up A, you'll find out

710
00:41:17,792 --> 00:41:21,626
all sorts of fascinating facts
about alcoholics...

711
00:41:21,709 --> 00:41:24,251
And tell the kids
to look up T for 'tragic'

712
00:41:24,334 --> 00:41:25,959
or... D for 'dildo'.

713
00:41:26,042 --> 00:41:28,584
I mean, who knows,
one day you might find yourself

714
00:41:28,667 --> 00:41:31,167
waking up next to a tragic
dildo-loving alcoholic,

715
00:41:31,251 --> 00:41:33,417
and THEN where will you be, huh?

716
00:41:33,501 --> 00:41:36,209
Probably sleeping downstairs
in the garage!

717
00:41:36,584 --> 00:41:38,167
You fat cow!

718
00:41:38,251 --> 00:41:40,376
Oh, you're just jealous!

719
00:41:40,459 --> 00:41:43,376
- Of Keith Hall? Ha!
- Take a Valium.

720
00:41:43,459 --> 00:41:45,751
Now I'll get a discount Fuck and Wigwam!

721
00:41:45,834 --> 00:41:52,126
Ha! Don't make me la-a-a-a-a-a-a-augh!

722
00:41:52,876 --> 00:41:54,917
Melly, go play in the traffic.

723
00:42:29,542 --> 00:42:32,001
You know, I don't blame Bob.
I feel sorry for him.

724
00:42:33,792 --> 00:42:35,417
He probably thought he was at the morgue

725
00:42:35,501 --> 00:42:37,310
looking at you lying there
like a stunned mullet.

726
00:42:37,334 --> 00:42:40,042
My nickname at school? 'Tripod'!

727
00:42:40,126 --> 00:42:41,751
- Yes! I'm a wanker!
- Oh!

728
00:42:41,834 --> 00:42:44,167
I've got the dirty magazines
to prove it!

729
00:42:53,251 --> 00:42:55,792
You loved it!

730
00:42:55,876 --> 00:42:57,501
Love is overrated.

731
00:42:57,584 --> 00:42:59,224
I had to pry him off you
with a Tyre iron!

732
00:42:59,292 --> 00:43:01,052
- Oh, Richard!
- What are youse two on about?

733
00:43:01,084 --> 00:43:02,959
- Shut up!
- Quit your whining, will you?

734
00:43:03,042 --> 00:43:04,935
Shut up in the back, or you'll
get a knuckle sandwich!

735
00:43:04,959 --> 00:43:06,639
Ooh, he's gonna give us
a knuckle sandwich!

736
00:43:06,667 --> 00:43:08,292
I'll slap you kids!

737
00:43:08,376 --> 00:43:10,959
- Dad, look out! Ow!
- Dad, you hit Melissa!

738
00:43:11,042 --> 00:43:13,126
Rack off!

739
00:43:13,209 --> 00:43:14,834
..getting over Pretty Lady.

740
00:43:14,917 --> 00:43:16,584
Pretty Lady falling behind.

741
00:43:16,667 --> 00:43:18,292
Yes, Pretty Lady is falling behind...

742
00:43:23,917 --> 00:43:26,501
Hurry, before that
mongrel Labrador steals it!

743
00:43:30,834 --> 00:43:35,626
Jo Jones is so washed up,
the tide wouldn't take her out!

744
00:43:36,251 --> 00:43:38,084
I'm gonna mow the lawn. Jeffrey!

745
00:43:38,167 --> 00:43:40,167
You spend more time mowing that lawn

746
00:43:40,251 --> 00:43:42,376
than you've ever spent mowing mine!

747
00:43:43,917 --> 00:43:45,917
Do not let that animal in this room!

748
00:43:46,001 --> 00:43:48,959
And take off your shoes! Christ!

749
00:43:49,042 --> 00:43:51,459
I've got a splitting headache!

750
00:43:56,126 --> 00:43:57,326
Mum, that wasn't your aspirin.

751
00:43:58,626 --> 00:43:59,959
Those were your pearl earrings.

752
00:44:02,876 --> 00:44:04,501
- Oh, Mum!
- Jeff! Jeff!

753
00:44:06,334 --> 00:44:07,959
- D-Dad...
- What?

754
00:44:08,042 --> 00:44:09,667
She swallowed her pearl earrings!

755
00:44:09,751 --> 00:44:12,709
She swallowed her earrings?!
Bee? Rebecca!

756
00:44:13,292 --> 00:44:15,042
Your mother just swallowed herpeafl...

757
00:44:15,959 --> 00:44:16,959
Dad!

758
00:44:18,626 --> 00:44:20,792
Oh, g'day, Mr Marsh.
How are they hanging?

759
00:44:23,501 --> 00:44:26,167
What do you want us to do?

760
00:44:26,251 --> 00:44:29,001
Get off the... the carpet!

761
00:44:29,084 --> 00:44:30,917
Um... shouldn't we take her
to the hospital?

762
00:44:31,001 --> 00:44:33,709
Take her to the bathroom
and get her a box of laxatives!

763
00:44:33,792 --> 00:44:36,792
And, Rooster, you get the hell
out of my house!

764
00:44:38,667 --> 00:44:41,334
It's alright, Mrs M.
I mean, you can poo 'em out.

765
00:44:41,417 --> 00:44:43,542
Laxative...

766
00:44:43,626 --> 00:44:45,917
Do you sometimes wonder
if Jesus has passed you by?

767
00:44:55,001 --> 00:44:56,376
Here.

768
00:44:56,834 --> 00:44:59,626
I brought you something.
It's a space food stick.

769
00:44:59,709 --> 00:45:02,584
You know, made by NASA
for the astronauts.

770
00:45:05,667 --> 00:45:07,292
Please?

771
00:45:07,376 --> 00:45:09,876
Just one bite? For me?

772
00:45:18,292 --> 00:45:20,084
Keira! Ugh!

773
00:45:20,167 --> 00:45:21,792
What now?!

774
00:45:21,876 --> 00:45:23,876
I promise they're not bluebottle stings!

775
00:45:23,959 --> 00:45:25,584
Right, toilets!

776
00:45:25,667 --> 00:45:28,292
- No! No!
- Urine counteracts!

777
00:45:28,376 --> 00:45:30,084
She's gonna get pissed on again.

778
00:45:30,167 --> 00:45:32,751
Please don't pee on me!

779
00:45:34,542 --> 00:45:36,584
Bugger off! Filthy lezzers!

780
00:45:36,667 --> 00:45:38,542
Toilets!

781
00:45:41,417 --> 00:45:43,709
We're like the Robinson family.

782
00:45:43,792 --> 00:45:45,751
We're lost in space.

783
00:45:46,834 --> 00:45:50,334
Our flubbery friend seems
to have taken quite a liking

784
00:45:50,417 --> 00:45:52,042
to our beautiful beach.

785
00:45:52,709 --> 00:45:54,417
Give him points.

786
00:45:54,501 --> 00:45:56,501
He's not going out without a fight.

787
00:46:06,501 --> 00:46:08,185
- I'm gonna go inside with her.
- Yeah, I thought so.

788
00:46:08,209 --> 00:46:10,417
Stop fighting! Everybody gets a go!

789
00:46:10,501 --> 00:46:13,209
We're going to my room. Don't
you dare tell the grown-ups!

790
00:46:13,292 --> 00:46:16,292
What bloody grown-ups?!
They're aren't any!

791
00:46:16,376 --> 00:46:18,542
Now we can kill each other!

792
00:46:18,626 --> 00:46:20,709
- Slut!
- Takes one to know one!

793
00:46:31,042 --> 00:46:33,417
- Gerome.
- What?

794
00:46:33,501 --> 00:46:35,167
Four thunders, seven ball-shooters,

795
00:46:35,251 --> 00:46:37,084
four Roman candles, sulfur

796
00:46:37,167 --> 00:46:39,626
and five cups of pool chlorine.

797
00:46:39,709 --> 00:46:41,751
Chuck them in the fire all at once.

798
00:46:41,834 --> 00:46:44,209
Jeff. Please.

799
00:46:44,292 --> 00:46:46,751
Someone's gonna get burnt.

800
00:46:46,834 --> 00:46:50,209
- Well... we'd better not.
- Wuss!

801
00:46:52,834 --> 00:46:55,834
I see fireworks. I see fireworks!

802
00:46:55,917 --> 00:46:57,959
Scissors, paper, rock.

803
00:47:00,417 --> 00:47:02,126
Next.

804
00:47:05,792 --> 00:47:09,042
Don't! You're supposed to be
letting them off one at a time!

805
00:47:09,126 --> 00:47:10,751
Batter up!

806
00:47:10,834 --> 00:47:12,584
- Bombs away!
- You're scaring the kids!

807
00:47:12,667 --> 00:47:14,376
Don't!

808
00:47:14,459 --> 00:47:17,584
Stop! Please stop!

809
00:47:18,667 --> 00:47:20,167
Arggh!

810
00:47:30,584 --> 00:47:32,626
Before we say goodbye to Sandy,

811
00:47:32,709 --> 00:47:35,167
let's talk about pets.

812
00:47:35,251 --> 00:47:36,917
So, how's your practicing been going?

813
00:47:38,876 --> 00:47:42,292
Kaye Hall believed pets opened
the door to responsibility -

814
00:47:42,376 --> 00:47:44,584
something kids could watch grow...

815
00:47:44,667 --> 00:47:47,417
...and eventually say farewell to.

816
00:47:47,501 --> 00:47:50,042
For Kaye, burying a beloved pet
was a way

817
00:47:50,126 --> 00:47:53,667
to prepare a young mind for
life's inevitable tragedies.

818
00:47:53,751 --> 00:47:55,376
The problem was Doody wouldn't die.

819
00:47:55,459 --> 00:47:57,667
Doody, din-din.

820
00:47:57,751 --> 00:47:59,959
20 years old and still going strong.

821
00:48:00,042 --> 00:48:02,792
Kaye's kids had not experienced
the death of a pet,

822
00:48:02,876 --> 00:48:04,542
no matter how hard she tried.

823
00:48:09,042 --> 00:48:11,751
You had to hand it to
Rick Jones for one-upmanship.

824
00:48:11,834 --> 00:48:13,584
Nobody could top the turtle.

825
00:48:13,667 --> 00:48:15,292
All the way from the Galépagos.

826
00:48:15,376 --> 00:48:17,876
Exotic Galépagos.

827
00:48:17,959 --> 00:48:21,167
- I'm gonna name him HELP!
- I'm gonna name him FIRE!

828
00:48:21,251 --> 00:48:22,876
I'm gonna call you Tommy.

829
00:48:22,959 --> 00:48:25,334
Tommy just wanted to go home,

830
00:48:25,417 --> 00:48:27,167
and nothing was gonna stop him.

831
00:48:27,251 --> 00:48:28,959
Quick, Tommy. Run home.

832
00:48:29,042 --> 00:48:31,251
Swim back to Galépagos
as fast as you can.

833
00:48:31,417 --> 00:48:34,209
- Fat chance.
- Not going anywhere, loser.

834
00:48:34,292 --> 00:48:36,626
Please don't hurt him.

835
00:48:36,709 --> 00:48:38,584
Stop! Stop! Please stop! Please!

836
00:48:38,667 --> 00:48:40,459
If it makes you feel any better,

837
00:48:40,542 --> 00:48:42,167
the boys became dentists.

838
00:48:42,251 --> 00:48:45,751
Cal is still in jail
and Liam is now called Lenore.

839
00:48:45,834 --> 00:48:47,459
Suffer, little turtle!

840
00:48:47,542 --> 00:48:49,167
Turtles can live to 100...

841
00:48:50,959 --> 00:48:53,792
...and poor Tommy was only
eight years old.

842
00:48:58,167 --> 00:48:59,459
The Hall twins didn't go out

843
00:48:59,542 --> 00:49:01,876
and buy pets like the rest of us.

844
00:49:01,959 --> 00:49:03,626
Pets magically found them.

845
00:49:06,126 --> 00:49:08,667
- Meet Trouser Snake!
- Has that boy got a big snake?

846
00:49:08,751 --> 00:49:11,584
- Ask me when he's 17.
- Shut up!

847
00:49:19,876 --> 00:49:22,143
- Oh! Can I have one of those?
- But you don't drink, love.

848
00:49:22,167 --> 00:49:23,792
It's about time I started!

849
00:49:25,584 --> 00:49:28,042
Those boys!

850
00:49:28,126 --> 00:49:30,667
They just don't have a stop button!

851
00:49:30,751 --> 00:49:32,834
Those boys are gonna be the death of me.

852
00:49:32,917 --> 00:49:34,251
And here's the problem.

853
00:49:34,334 --> 00:49:37,334
Like Keith said, his boys
didn't have a stop button.

854
00:49:37,417 --> 00:49:40,709
If it crawled, slithered,
spat, bit or strangled,

855
00:49:40,792 --> 00:49:43,626
it ended up in
the Hall backyard of death.

856
00:49:44,917 --> 00:49:46,876
Which brings us back to Sandy.

857
00:49:46,959 --> 00:49:48,584
Please, please let it be a pony!

858
00:49:48,667 --> 00:49:50,667
They say labs are
the perfect dogs for kids...

859
00:49:50,751 --> 00:49:54,667
It's a Kleenex Labrador puppy.

860
00:49:54,751 --> 00:49:56,667
Oh!

861
00:49:56,751 --> 00:49:59,501
Great. New carpet!

862
00:49:59,584 --> 00:50:01,834
Now we'll have to get plastic.

863
00:50:01,917 --> 00:50:03,876
Aw! So gentle!

864
00:50:04,542 --> 00:50:07,459
Oh, baby Sandy was gentle, alright.

865
00:50:07,542 --> 00:50:10,667
Gently eating her way through
every barbecue in Australia.

866
00:50:10,751 --> 00:50:13,292
Bloody umbrellas! Sandy!

867
00:50:15,459 --> 00:50:18,626
Ooh! Get off! Off!
Get off the table! Disgusting!

868
00:50:19,459 --> 00:50:22,709
The problem was Sandy had
no stop button either,

869
00:50:22,792 --> 00:50:25,084
and whenever she was left
alone, she'd help herself

870
00:50:25,167 --> 00:50:28,167
to all the other pet food
up for grabs in Wyong Place.

871
00:50:28,251 --> 00:50:30,042
Keith Hall put it perfectly -

872
00:50:30,126 --> 00:50:32,917
one day, that dog was gonna explode.

873
00:50:33,001 --> 00:50:34,834
~ ~

874
00:50:45,667 --> 00:50:47,542
I, um...

875
00:50:47,626 --> 00:50:49,542
...l want to thank Sandy...

876
00:50:49,626 --> 00:50:51,876
...for bringing us together and...

877
00:50:51,959 --> 00:50:54,542
...putting all our differences
behind us.

878
00:50:56,292 --> 00:50:57,959
We're really sorry, Uncle Bob.

879
00:50:58,042 --> 00:50:59,251
Yeah.

880
00:51:00,751 --> 00:51:02,001
But sadly,

881
00:51:02,917 --> 00:51:05,209
this is where we say goodbye

882
00:51:05,292 --> 00:51:07,042
to our loyal friend.

883
00:51:09,167 --> 00:51:11,001
Come on, old girl.

884
00:51:13,459 --> 00:51:15,334
- Rick?
- Look out!

885
00:51:15,417 --> 00:51:18,001
Oh, God, jeez! Thanks, Rick.

886
00:51:18,084 --> 00:51:19,709
Thanks, Keith.

887
00:51:19,792 --> 00:51:21,417
UP! Come on!

888
00:51:21,501 --> 00:51:24,709
And go, go, go, go, 90,90,go, go, go.

889
00:51:24,792 --> 00:51:27,251
Mum. Your earrings smell like shit.

890
00:51:34,209 --> 00:51:36,209
Oh, sausages in the grave.

891
00:51:36,834 --> 00:51:38,751
- Good name for an album, huh?
- Shut up, Keith!

892
00:51:44,501 --> 00:51:46,167
Should have been you.

893
00:51:46,251 --> 00:51:47,959
Your mother and I have had a talk.

894
00:51:48,042 --> 00:51:50,626
We're selling your grandma's
jewelry and her teeth.

895
00:51:50,709 --> 00:51:52,509
You're all going to
Catholic boarding schools.

896
00:51:52,542 --> 00:51:54,292
This is bullcrap!

897
00:51:54,376 --> 00:51:56,917
No. No. I don't want to hear it.

898
00:51:57,001 --> 00:51:59,209
The priests will have
their way with you!

899
00:52:06,626 --> 00:52:09,542
Pick those toys up.

900
00:52:17,167 --> 00:52:19,084
No! No!

901
00:52:19,167 --> 00:52:20,459
Fine.

902
00:52:22,126 --> 00:52:23,751
Please, Mummy!

903
00:52:26,917 --> 00:52:27,917
Please don't.

904
00:52:29,584 --> 00:52:31,417
No. Please not Humphrey!

905
00:52:31,501 --> 00:52:33,167
No!

906
00:52:41,751 --> 00:52:45,126
This is it. I think she's
finally on her way home.

907
00:52:45,209 --> 00:52:46,834
And one!

908
00:52:46,917 --> 00:52:48,542
Two!

909
00:52:48,626 --> 00:52:50,251
Three!

910
00:52:51,667 --> 00:52:54,876
Jesus bloody Christ! The beach is empty.

911
00:52:54,959 --> 00:52:58,709
The streets. Colonel Sanders
couldn't get arrested.

912
00:52:58,792 --> 00:53:01,376
If we don't get rid of
blubber-guts here, mate,

913
00:53:01,459 --> 00:53:04,876
I can tell you,
we're all in the deep-fry!

914
00:53:07,251 --> 00:53:10,626
She's stuck here. Like us.

915
00:53:12,959 --> 00:53:15,334
- We have to get out of here.
- How?

916
00:53:15,417 --> 00:53:17,126
Would you like a ride, little girl?

917
00:53:24,959 --> 00:53:26,251
Strangers.

918
00:53:27,542 --> 00:53:29,167
They may smile...

919
00:53:29,251 --> 00:53:30,334
Ooh!

920
00:53:31,084 --> 00:53:33,542
...they may look ordinary,

921
00:53:33,626 --> 00:53:35,709
but you cannot trust them.

922
00:53:35,792 --> 00:53:37,584
I'm not going. I don't trust them.

923
00:53:37,667 --> 00:53:39,834
You and your Shitty Safari.

924
00:53:39,917 --> 00:53:41,709
Can't you see what's happening here?

925
00:53:41,792 --> 00:53:44,417
Your daughter was up there
with that boy, giving him a...

926
00:53:45,667 --> 00:53:47,292
Blow job, Bob!

927
00:53:47,376 --> 00:53:49,542
Like the ones I used to
give you last century.

928
00:53:49,626 --> 00:53:52,001
Alright, enough. I've had it up to here.

929
00:53:52,084 --> 00:53:53,959
Just say something
for once in your life.

930
00:53:54,042 --> 00:53:55,667
I'm not going.

931
00:53:56,709 --> 00:53:58,042
Will you get that bloody

932
00:53:58,126 --> 00:53:59,917
formaldehyde-soaked arse out of bed?

933
00:54:00,001 --> 00:54:01,626
You're bloody well going,

934
00:54:01,709 --> 00:54:04,876
and bloody well gonna have
a good time if it kills me!

935
00:54:04,959 --> 00:54:08,209
And the god of thunder,
he says, "I'm Thor!"

936
00:54:08,292 --> 00:54:09,917
And she says, "YOU'RE thore?!

937
00:54:10,001 --> 00:54:11,917
"L'm tho thore, I can hardly pith!"

938
00:54:13,709 --> 00:54:15,417
What have you got here, Rick?

939
00:54:15,501 --> 00:54:17,685
You've got some Roy Orbison.
You've got some Frank Sinatra.

940
00:54:17,709 --> 00:54:19,376
We've got loads of good stuff, mate.

941
00:54:19,459 --> 00:54:21,751
We've got Donna Summer, Telly Savalas,

942
00:54:21,834 --> 00:54:23,459
Swingin' Safari...

943
00:54:30,042 --> 00:54:31,709
It's called the Betamax.

944
00:54:31,792 --> 00:54:34,542
The home video revolution.

945
00:54:34,626 --> 00:54:36,376
You can record TV.

946
00:54:36,459 --> 00:54:38,459
- Wow.
- Wow.

947
00:54:49,167 --> 00:54:50,792
I'm going over to Rooster's.

948
00:54:50,876 --> 00:54:53,084
But don't you dare tell Mum.

949
00:54:56,084 --> 00:54:57,167
Liam, I'm going first!

950
00:54:57,251 --> 00:54:58,917
I don't wanna be sloppy seconds!

951
00:54:59,001 --> 00:55:00,167
You always go first!

952
00:55:00,292 --> 00:55:02,917
Hey, Gerome. For old times' sake?

953
00:55:06,917 --> 00:55:07,917
Mate, come on.

954
00:55:08,001 --> 00:55:09,834
One last stunt? Just you and me?

955
00:55:23,292 --> 00:55:26,376
Congrats, team. You've all been
made honorary Death Cheaters.

956
00:55:26,459 --> 00:55:29,042
Yes! Shazam!

957
00:55:30,834 --> 00:55:33,376
So, I went ballistic and said,
"Mr. Wong, Mr. Wong..."

958
00:55:33,459 --> 00:55:35,584
"I forgot all my traveler's cheques!"

959
00:55:38,251 --> 00:55:39,917
Yeah, we've seen the ad, Keith.

960
00:55:40,001 --> 00:55:42,376
Yeah, I'm just saying, it's a good one.

961
00:55:42,459 --> 00:55:44,292
Pass the Coon, please.

962
00:55:48,251 --> 00:55:49,542
Ah, here's one.

963
00:55:49,959 --> 00:55:52,876
Germaine Greer walks into a bar
and the barman says...

964
00:55:52,959 --> 00:55:54,084
I'm gonna what?!

965
00:55:54,167 --> 00:55:55,834
Breathe underwater, like Aquaboy.

966
00:55:55,917 --> 00:55:57,876
Liz, get the funnel-webs
out of the pool.

967
00:55:57,959 --> 00:56:00,917
I've rewired the vacuum cleaner
so that it blows in reverse.

968
00:56:01,001 --> 00:56:02,417
See?

969
00:56:06,459 --> 00:56:08,084
We drop the rocks into the pool.

970
00:56:08,167 --> 00:56:09,876
It drags Andrew to the bottom.

971
00:56:09,959 --> 00:56:12,751
As long as he keeps the hose
in his mouth, he can breathe.

972
00:56:12,834 --> 00:56:14,584
- Then what?
- Well, we film it.

973
00:56:14,667 --> 00:56:17,209
- This is bullcrap!
- I'm not doing it!

974
00:56:17,292 --> 00:56:19,334
Untie me! Untie me, alright?!

975
00:56:19,417 --> 00:56:21,167
But this is a Death Cheater first.

976
00:56:21,251 --> 00:56:22,876
Not without Gerome, it isn't!

977
00:56:22,959 --> 00:56:25,876
- This sucks!
- It mega sucks!

978
00:56:25,959 --> 00:56:27,417
I'm too old for this shit.

979
00:56:31,042 --> 00:56:33,751
When did Jeff Marsh wake up
such a loser?

980
00:56:40,709 --> 00:56:42,459
Did my homework and made a choice, mate.

981
00:56:42,542 --> 00:56:44,751
That other system, that VHS nonsense -

982
00:56:44,834 --> 00:56:46,709
never gonna take off.

983
00:56:46,792 --> 00:56:48,417
Flush.

984
00:56:48,501 --> 00:56:51,334
- What was that?
- Flush.

985
00:56:51,417 --> 00:56:54,126
Oh. Menopause so soon?

986
00:56:54,209 --> 00:56:55,917
Excuse me?

987
00:56:56,001 --> 00:56:59,042
I'm just talking about my niece.

988
00:56:59,126 --> 00:57:00,709
Minnie Pause.

989
00:57:00,876 --> 00:57:02,626
Looks like she might be coming to stay

990
00:57:02,709 --> 00:57:04,334
a little earlier than expected.

991
00:57:06,167 --> 00:57:07,459
I said "flush".

992
00:57:09,084 --> 00:57:11,209
I could have said "floozy",
but I didn't.

993
00:57:11,292 --> 00:57:12,709
Are you calling my wife a floozy?

994
00:57:13,042 --> 00:57:15,626
I'm not calling her anything.
I'm just... stating a fact.

995
00:57:16,251 --> 00:57:17,417
You are a...

996
00:57:18,792 --> 00:57:20,126
...a strumpet!

997
00:57:20,209 --> 00:57:22,292
You do not call my wife a strumpet!

998
00:57:22,376 --> 00:57:23,709
Sorry, I was gonna say "crumpet",

999
00:57:23,834 --> 00:57:25,001
but it came out "strumpet".

1000
00:57:25,084 --> 00:57:27,042
Big words, pussy-balls.

1001
00:57:27,126 --> 00:57:28,751
Says the town bike.

1002
00:57:28,834 --> 00:57:30,876
At least I don't need pills
to get mine up.

1003
00:57:30,959 --> 00:57:33,584
- Now, what are we playing?
- Poker.

1004
00:57:33,667 --> 00:57:34,751
Everybody else has.

1005
00:57:35,501 --> 00:57:37,376
HOW dare you?!

1006
00:57:37,459 --> 00:57:40,084
- You bloody zip it, Rick!
- You bloody zip it, mate!

1007
00:57:40,167 --> 00:57:41,792
- Cock!
- Bush pig!

1008
00:57:41,876 --> 00:57:43,036
- Shut up, hussy!
- Alcoholic!

1009
00:57:43,084 --> 00:57:45,167
- Bottle blonde!
- Cock tease!

1010
00:57:45,292 --> 00:57:46,917
- Drug addict!
- Needle dick!

1011
00:57:47,001 --> 00:57:48,626
- Skank!
- Trog!

1012
00:57:48,709 --> 00:57:49,751
Slut!

1013
00:57:49,834 --> 00:57:51,376
Hardly even touched the sides.

1014
00:57:51,459 --> 00:57:52,727
Well, that's not surprising, is it?

1015
00:57:52,751 --> 00:57:55,417
You'd root a bloody barber's
chair if it had enough hair!

1016
00:57:55,501 --> 00:57:58,501
How dare you?!

1017
00:57:58,584 --> 00:58:01,126
- Kids, out!
- We can trump that. We're out!

1018
00:58:03,834 --> 00:58:05,459
Suck on this!

1019
00:58:07,834 --> 00:58:10,292
~ Oh! ~ Oh!

1020
00:58:14,334 --> 00:58:15,876
Yep. Couldn't agree more.

1021
00:58:16,501 --> 00:58:18,209
Oh. Shit.

1022
00:58:26,792 --> 00:58:28,584
Oh, g'day, Mrs Marsh.

1023
00:58:28,667 --> 00:58:31,251
I see you got your pearl earrings back.

1024
00:58:33,292 --> 00:58:34,501
Rebecca!

1025
00:58:35,001 --> 00:58:36,084
Oh!

1026
00:58:36,167 --> 00:58:37,917
Get out of here, you filthy mongrels!

1027
00:58:38,001 --> 00:58:39,834
Hey, Rooster! I bloody warned you!

1028
00:58:39,917 --> 00:58:41,584
Dog! I know where your f...

1029
00:58:41,667 --> 00:58:43,427
Your father's getting
a phone call right now!

1030
00:58:43,459 --> 00:58:45,126
He'll hear about this!

1031
00:58:45,209 --> 00:58:47,459
Gerome! I saw you too, mate!

1032
00:58:47,542 --> 00:58:49,334
What the hell do you think
you're doing?!

1033
00:58:50,376 --> 00:58:51,751
Crying out loud!

1034
00:58:58,417 --> 00:58:59,626
Jeff?

1035
00:59:01,584 --> 00:59:02,876
Jeff?

1036
00:59:32,334 --> 00:59:34,917
240 volts by the bleedin' pool!

1037
00:59:40,001 --> 00:59:43,251
Well, may we say "God save the Queen"...

1038
00:59:45,042 --> 00:59:48,459
...because nothing will save
the Governor-General!

1039
01:01:32,667 --> 01:01:35,584
- Keep those legs together!
- Your husband likes curves!

1040
01:01:35,667 --> 01:01:38,792
Needle dick for years, Gale. And, you...

1041
01:01:38,876 --> 01:01:41,459
You couldn't fit any more balls
in your pants either!

1042
01:01:42,917 --> 01:01:44,542
Keira, what's that on your chest?

1043
01:01:44,626 --> 01:01:47,709
They're not bluebottle stings!
Really, they're not!

1044
01:01:47,792 --> 01:01:49,667
Oh, yes, they are!

1045
01:01:51,917 --> 01:01:53,792
No, no!

1046
01:01:53,876 --> 01:01:55,709
Stop her!

1047
01:01:55,792 --> 01:01:57,542
- Come to Aunty Gale.
- No! Get off me!

1048
01:01:57,626 --> 01:01:59,001
Don't you dare!

1049
01:01:59,084 --> 01:02:01,042
But, Kaye!

1050
01:02:01,126 --> 01:02:02,751
Urine counteracts.

1051
01:02:25,501 --> 01:02:27,209
Be silent. Be quiet.

1052
01:02:27,292 --> 01:02:29,709
Be silent! BE SILENT! BE SILENT!

1053
01:02:29,792 --> 01:02:31,417
She pissed on my daughter!

1054
01:02:31,501 --> 01:02:33,792
Oh, you piss on her twice a weekend!

1055
01:02:33,876 --> 01:02:36,834
Bullshit. Bullshit!

1056
01:02:36,917 --> 01:02:38,917
Mr. Hall, do you want
to press any charges?

1057
01:02:39,001 --> 01:02:40,626
No.

1058
01:02:40,709 --> 01:02:42,334
But who do I have to fuck around here

1059
01:02:42,417 --> 01:02:44,042
to get a bloody restraining order?!

1060
01:02:44,126 --> 01:02:45,751
I've got homework to do.

1061
01:02:45,834 --> 01:02:47,393
I can give you a hand with
your homework if you like.

1062
01:02:47,417 --> 01:02:50,167
Hey, hey, hey! Enough!

1063
01:03:05,584 --> 01:03:07,417
We're moving to Adelaide!

1064
01:03:07,501 --> 01:03:09,417
Huh! Don't be preposterous!

1065
01:03:09,501 --> 01:03:11,959
- Have you got a better idea?
- Yes, I do.

1066
01:03:12,042 --> 01:03:14,084
Kahlua and milk.

1067
01:03:20,209 --> 01:03:21,917
Avon calling.

1068
01:03:29,667 --> 01:03:31,126
- A' Bob! 'Qgh! QW!

1069
01:03:31,209 --> 01:03:32,626
Oh, Jesus!

1070
01:03:34,251 --> 01:03:35,876
I'm calling Rick.

1071
01:03:36,751 --> 01:03:38,167
Oh, no, you're not.

1072
01:03:38,834 --> 01:03:39,917
Watch me.

1073
01:03:41,459 --> 01:03:43,126
Give me the phone. Give me the phone.

1074
01:03:43,209 --> 01:03:44,876
- No. No. No, no...
- Give me the phone.

1075
01:03:44,959 --> 01:03:47,039
- Bob, give me the phone.
- I'm c... l'm calling him!

1076
01:03:47,876 --> 01:03:50,876
Oh, you fool!

1077
01:03:50,959 --> 01:03:52,792
You fool!

1078
01:03:59,626 --> 01:04:01,251
Swiss finishing school.

1079
01:04:01,334 --> 01:04:03,501
Advanced etiquette, foreign languages...

1080
01:04:05,084 --> 01:04:07,042
Lord knows she doesn't speak English.

1081
01:04:07,126 --> 01:04:09,584
- Rick Jones.
- We need a truce.

1082
01:04:09,751 --> 01:04:11,292
No. I do not need a goose.

1083
01:04:11,459 --> 01:04:13,001
- No, a truce.
- What?

1084
01:04:13,084 --> 01:04:14,542
A truce! Not a goose. A truce.

1085
01:04:14,876 --> 01:04:16,185
Who is this? I can't understand you.

1086
01:04:16,209 --> 01:04:17,209
Rick...!

1087
01:04:19,876 --> 01:04:23,501
The phone is full of
your bloody make-up!

1088
01:04:25,084 --> 01:04:26,751
Darling, it's for you.

1089
01:04:26,834 --> 01:04:29,417
Hey, Melly!

1090
01:04:29,501 --> 01:04:32,292
You're looking a bit crook.
I brought you a Polly Waffle.

1091
01:04:34,167 --> 01:04:35,376
Where are you going?

1092
01:04:36,417 --> 01:04:38,584
I'm going to the ends of the earth.

1093
01:04:38,667 --> 01:04:41,709
I'm running away to a place
where no-one will ever find me.

1094
01:04:43,876 --> 01:04:45,084
Melbourne.

1095
01:04:46,042 --> 01:04:49,459
I'll start eating again
if you come with me.

1096
01:04:51,167 --> 01:04:53,417
I've got enough money to get us there.

1097
01:04:53,501 --> 01:04:56,001
We can change our names,
we can become new people,

1098
01:04:56,084 --> 01:04:58,126
and we'll never have to see
our parents again.

1099
01:04:59,917 --> 01:05:01,542
Will you come with me?

1100
01:05:03,709 --> 01:05:04,834
Yes.

1101
01:05:05,626 --> 01:05:07,417
You mean it?

1102
01:05:07,501 --> 01:05:08,584
Yeah, I mean it.

1103
01:05:11,709 --> 01:05:13,334
We have just one last chore to do

1104
01:05:13,417 --> 01:05:15,292
before we get out of this hellhole.

1105
01:05:23,126 --> 01:05:25,626
How did it come to this?

1106
01:05:25,709 --> 01:05:29,084
Well, mate, it started
with a pile of keys and a vase.

1107
01:05:30,167 --> 01:05:33,042
Maybe if you had just taken one
for the team and boned Kaye...

1108
01:05:33,126 --> 01:05:34,917
- Oh, right!
- ..everything would be OK.

1109
01:05:35,001 --> 01:05:36,292
Alright, already!

1110
01:05:37,209 --> 01:05:39,334
But we've got to fix it.

1111
01:05:39,417 --> 01:05:42,834
Our bloody women
whipped this whole mess up,

1112
01:05:42,917 --> 01:05:45,126
so it's up to us to sort it out.

1113
01:05:47,417 --> 01:05:49,167
Like men.

1114
01:06:06,584 --> 01:06:09,751
Go home, Tommy. You hear me?
As fast as you can.

1115
01:06:11,751 --> 01:06:13,792
There you go. You're free.

1116
01:06:21,834 --> 01:06:23,459
Tommy's going to paradise.

1117
01:06:24,584 --> 01:06:25,876
And so are we.

1118
01:06:33,209 --> 01:06:34,959
So, if we make the first bus to Central,

1119
01:06:35,042 --> 01:06:37,084
we can make the 10 o'clock
train to Canberra.

1120
01:06:37,167 --> 01:06:39,584
- Have you got any dosh?
- 57 bucks Grandpa gave me

1121
01:06:39,667 --> 01:06:41,792
just before he ate
all the potpourri and died.

1122
01:06:41,876 --> 01:06:43,834
But I know where Mum stashes
her tennis kitty.

1123
01:06:43,917 --> 01:06:46,251
That's alright. We'll get jobs.

1124
01:06:46,334 --> 01:06:48,917
I'm ready. I packed. Last Easter.

1125
01:06:50,376 --> 01:06:52,209
You're not gonna let me down,
are you, Jeff?

1126
01:06:53,584 --> 01:06:55,876
No. Never.

1127
01:07:05,876 --> 01:07:08,584
Jeffrey!

1128
01:07:08,667 --> 01:07:11,167
Oh, Christ! Not another one!

1129
01:07:12,209 --> 01:07:14,001
Get over here, you trollop!

1130
01:07:14,084 --> 01:07:15,751
Bedroom! Now!

1131
01:07:15,834 --> 01:07:19,459
- Bedroom? What...?
- Separately. Come here!

1132
01:07:19,542 --> 01:07:22,376
Enough! You crossed the line this time.

1133
01:07:22,459 --> 01:07:25,001
Let's kill him.

1134
01:07:30,167 --> 01:07:31,209
He kissed a girl!

1135
01:07:32,209 --> 01:07:33,292
Thank God!

1136
01:07:33,376 --> 01:07:36,417
There I was thinking he was a bit... gay.

1137
01:07:36,501 --> 01:07:38,834
She's 14 years old!

1138
01:07:38,917 --> 01:07:41,834
Does she even know which end
to put a tampon in?

1139
01:07:42,501 --> 01:07:43,792
Well, she kissed a boy.

1140
01:07:43,876 --> 01:07:46,042
There I was thinking she was a lezzo.

1141
01:07:46,126 --> 01:07:48,143
This is what happens when you
let them watch Sonny & Cher!

1142
01:07:48,167 --> 01:07:49,542
Oh, darling!

1143
01:07:49,626 --> 01:07:51,066
Out in the street like a prostitute!

1144
01:07:51,126 --> 01:07:52,251
Everybody looking!

1145
01:07:52,334 --> 01:07:53,709
Richard, it's just sex.

1146
01:07:53,792 --> 01:07:55,584
Finally, a reason for birth control!

1147
01:08:00,667 --> 01:08:02,251
They've taken my money and my bankbook

1148
01:08:02,334 --> 01:08:04,042
and they're talking about moving.

1149
01:08:04,126 --> 01:08:05,751
You? Over.

1150
01:08:05,834 --> 01:08:06,959
Dad's locked me in my room

1151
01:08:07,042 --> 01:08:10,792
and given Liam permission
to kill me if I try to escape.

1152
01:08:10,876 --> 01:08:12,792
I'm sorry, Jeff. Over.

1153
01:08:13,042 --> 01:08:14,584
Me too.

1154
01:08:14,667 --> 01:08:16,292
Over.

1155
01:08:16,376 --> 01:08:19,167
Is it over? Over.

1156
01:08:21,542 --> 01:08:24,292
It's over. Over.

1157
01:08:25,292 --> 01:08:27,501
- Over and out.
- Over and out.

1158
01:08:37,459 --> 01:08:39,251
So? My parents were tough.

1159
01:08:39,334 --> 01:08:41,792
I was chained to a drainpipe
for stealing a bike,

1160
01:08:41,876 --> 01:08:43,584
and look how I turned out.

1161
01:08:43,667 --> 01:08:46,376
President of the Lions Club
three years running!

1162
01:08:46,459 --> 01:08:48,393
Oh, for God's sake, will you
get your feet off the carpet?!

1163
01:08:48,417 --> 01:08:50,084
Oh, cripes!

1164
01:08:50,167 --> 01:08:53,417
Oh, for cryin' out loud!

1165
01:08:55,982 --> 01:08:59,149
- What?!
- Hi. We're a p...

1166
01:08:59,584 --> 01:09:00,792
Mr Marsh?

1167
01:09:01,292 --> 01:09:02,584
Nigel.

1168
01:09:02,667 --> 01:09:05,376
Give Kids a Chance? We're a charity.

1169
01:09:10,459 --> 01:09:12,917
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

1170
01:09:13,001 --> 01:09:15,417
Arggh! Oh!

1171
01:09:28,917 --> 01:09:31,542
Arggh!

1172
01:09:35,084 --> 01:09:36,751
No!

1173
01:10:05,792 --> 01:10:07,459
Yeah, sure.

1174
01:10:07,542 --> 01:10:09,334
- CE-'day, mate.
- Hey, mate.

1175
01:10:11,042 --> 01:10:13,376
- How's that?
- Thanks, Mr. Marsh.

1176
01:10:13,977 --> 01:10:15,167
Hey, it's good to see you again.

1177
01:10:15,251 --> 01:10:16,876
- Yeah.
- Bye.

1178
01:10:16,959 --> 01:10:19,751
Oh, and thanks for giving kids
a second chance.

1179
01:10:27,417 --> 01:10:29,626
Oh! Yeah. Sounds about right.

1180
01:10:29,709 --> 01:10:31,376
I AM a good example.

1181
01:10:37,001 --> 01:10:39,292
Can't get 'em to listen to me.
I could just...

1182
01:10:39,376 --> 01:10:41,667
Can you just... just stop?!

1183
01:10:43,917 --> 01:10:45,042
So...

1184
01:10:45,959 --> 01:10:47,167
...why are we here?

1185
01:10:47,292 --> 01:10:49,084
You know, what's our purpose?

1186
01:10:49,167 --> 01:10:51,084
Eat, shit and die.

1187
01:10:51,167 --> 01:10:56,334
Yeah, and along the way, we
bring new life into the world.

1188
01:10:56,417 --> 01:10:58,334
And we set a good example.

1189
01:10:58,417 --> 01:11:00,292
At last count, I reckon we're all doing

1190
01:11:00,376 --> 01:11:02,001
a pretty crap job of it.

1191
01:11:02,084 --> 01:11:06,084
- Speak for yourself, Bob.
- I am, Gale. I am.

1192
01:11:06,167 --> 01:11:08,417
You know, Swingin' bloody Safari?

1193
01:11:08,501 --> 01:11:11,417
Christ! What were we thinking?

1194
01:11:11,501 --> 01:11:13,834
We're chasing our tails and
our bloody kids can smell it.

1195
01:11:13,917 --> 01:11:15,042
They're all out of control

1196
01:11:15,126 --> 01:11:16,643
and it's up to us
to pull them back into line.

1197
01:11:16,667 --> 01:11:17,667
Exactly. Exactly...

1198
01:11:20,126 --> 01:11:23,417
Whatever you've done, you've
stuffed it up for everyone.

1199
01:11:23,501 --> 01:11:25,251
You're dead meat.

1200
01:11:26,584 --> 01:11:28,459
Shut up!

1201
01:11:29,501 --> 01:11:31,334
Shut up!

1202
01:11:31,417 --> 01:11:33,126
Shut up!

1203
01:11:35,001 --> 01:11:37,084
Just listen to yourselves!

1204
01:11:38,292 --> 01:11:39,917
All raised shit-scared,

1205
01:11:40,001 --> 01:11:42,584
and, gee, that turned out well
for everyone, didn't it?

1206
01:11:44,084 --> 01:11:46,042
The kids shouldn't be punished.

1207
01:11:47,876 --> 01:11:49,667
They should be rewarded.

1208
01:11:49,751 --> 01:11:51,459
Oh, Kaye!

1209
01:11:53,084 --> 01:11:54,709
For Wallaroo parents,

1210
01:11:54,792 --> 01:11:56,751
it's been unusu-whale, factu-whale,

1211
01:11:56,834 --> 01:11:59,334
but now, unsustaina-whale.

1212
01:12:00,501 --> 01:12:04,376
Now, after careful consideration,

1213
01:12:04,459 --> 01:12:07,876
we, your... parents, have decided...

1214
01:12:07,959 --> 01:12:10,834
You're going to the Blue Light Disco!

1215
01:12:10,917 --> 01:12:12,126
Together.

1216
01:12:12,209 --> 01:12:14,792
Together.

1217
01:12:14,876 --> 01:12:16,667
- Disco!
- Disco!

1218
01:12:21,709 --> 01:12:23,501
Disco!

1219
01:12:23,584 --> 01:12:25,209
Whoo!

1220
01:12:32,667 --> 01:12:34,876
Attention, shoppers.

1221
01:12:34,959 --> 01:12:37,709
Today is children's day.

1222
01:12:37,792 --> 01:12:40,376
All children will be rewarded.

1223
01:12:45,667 --> 01:12:47,376
Welcome to the club, men.

1224
01:12:53,459 --> 01:12:55,126
Eugh!

1225
01:12:55,209 --> 01:12:56,834
Get it into ya.

1226
01:13:01,467 --> 01:13:03,092
Little men.

1227
01:13:03,562 --> 01:13:05,312
That's the way.

1228
01:13:12,626 --> 01:13:16,917
It's true, shoppers.
All children will be rewarded.

1229
01:13:17,584 --> 01:13:19,084
The pill, sweetheart.

1230
01:13:20,667 --> 01:13:22,417
Your father and I think it's time.

1231
01:13:25,501 --> 01:13:28,084
- Don't we, Bob?
- Yep.

1232
01:13:32,209 --> 01:13:33,959
Thank you!

1233
01:13:34,042 --> 01:13:36,626
Thank you.

1234
01:13:36,709 --> 01:13:39,917
Thank you!

1235
01:13:44,626 --> 01:13:47,709
And, yes, children,
it's true - rewards, rewards!

1236
01:13:54,542 --> 01:13:56,167
Hey. Charger!

1237
01:13:56,251 --> 01:13:58,417
Go, boys! Go on!

1238
01:14:06,584 --> 01:14:08,834
Let 'em learn the hard way.

1239
01:14:09,584 --> 01:14:10,709
Shut up.

1240
01:14:10,792 --> 01:14:13,042
- You call this a reward?
- It's a tough world, kids.

1241
01:14:13,126 --> 01:14:15,251
Sometimes tough decisions
have to be made.

1242
01:14:15,334 --> 01:14:16,959
So, say goodbye to Doody.

1243
01:14:17,042 --> 01:14:20,084
- He's going to live on a farm.
- No! Please!

1244
01:14:20,167 --> 01:14:22,584
I know, sweetheart. But you'll
thank us for this one day.

1245
01:14:22,667 --> 01:14:24,001
Good bye, Doody.

1246
01:14:26,204 --> 01:14:27,912
Bye, Doody.

1247
01:14:32,042 --> 01:14:34,959
You look like Engelbert Humperdinck!

1248
01:14:38,751 --> 01:14:40,501
Mum!

1249
01:14:43,209 --> 01:14:46,251
CE-'day, g'day. J0?

1250
01:14:46,334 --> 01:14:47,959
- Ah. CE-'day, Rick.
- CE-'day, mate.

1251
01:14:48,042 --> 01:14:49,751
Here comes the blue-eyed boy.

1252
01:14:49,834 --> 01:14:51,876
Oh! Fabulous.

1253
01:14:51,959 --> 01:14:53,626
- Oh, Gale!
- I know!

1254
01:14:53,709 --> 01:14:55,518
- This is fantastic, isn't it?
- What a screamer.

1255
01:14:55,542 --> 01:14:57,626
Look at you, you dark horse!

1256
01:14:59,417 --> 01:15:01,042
- Gorgeous.
- Yeah.

1257
01:15:01,126 --> 01:15:02,667
Here you go, mate.

1258
01:15:04,626 --> 01:15:06,584
- Oh!
- My little princess.

1259
01:15:06,667 --> 01:15:08,059
Rowr!

1260
01:15:09,794 --> 01:15:11,291
Oh, my.

1261
01:15:11,584 --> 01:15:14,001
Look what we made. Hmm?

1262
01:15:14,834 --> 01:15:18,001
Barbra Streisand in A Star Is Born!

1263
01:15:18,084 --> 01:15:19,209
Yes.

1264
01:15:19,292 --> 01:15:21,667
- Isn't it?
- Yes!

1265
01:15:23,376 --> 01:15:25,626
There comes a time
in every man's life when...

1266
01:15:27,084 --> 01:15:28,709
Bugger it. Just take 'em.

1267
01:15:28,936 --> 01:15:30,417
And you know how to put 'em on, right?

1268
01:15:30,501 --> 01:15:32,667
'Cause I could take you
to the bathroom and show you.

1269
01:15:32,751 --> 01:15:33,876
No. No.

1270
01:15:33,959 --> 01:15:36,959
There you go.
Oh, Christ, where's the camera?

1271
01:15:37,042 --> 01:15:38,667
- In the car.
- Oh, Christ!

1272
01:15:38,751 --> 01:15:40,431
- Go and get it.
- Shall I get it? Alright.

1273
01:15:40,501 --> 01:15:43,876
- I'd like to leave now.
- Yeah.

1274
01:15:43,959 --> 01:15:47,251
I want to tell you something, alright?

1275
01:15:47,334 --> 01:15:51,626
Spontaneity is the key to pleasure.

1276
01:15:56,251 --> 01:15:57,917
A little gift from all of us.

1277
01:15:58,001 --> 01:16:00,084
Go get 'em, tiger.

1278
01:16:06,584 --> 01:16:09,626
Oh, it was only yesterday
they were in floaties!

1279
01:16:13,876 --> 01:16:15,501
Remember your first dance, Rick?

1280
01:16:15,584 --> 01:16:17,209
Yes, mate. Sharon Lee.

1281
01:16:17,292 --> 01:16:19,518
Got so pissed she didn't
remember a bloody thing.

1282
01:16:19,543 --> 01:16:21,127
What a night.

1283
01:16:22,876 --> 01:16:25,042
- This car smells like prawns.
- Yeah.

1284
01:16:25,126 --> 01:16:26,334
It's not good.

1285
01:16:29,084 --> 01:16:30,459
After-dinner mint?

1286
01:16:38,792 --> 01:16:41,001
We'll pick youse up
around nine, alright?

1287
01:16:41,084 --> 01:16:42,834
Don't do anything I wouldn't do.

1288
01:16:47,584 --> 01:16:48,626
Come on.

1289
01:17:03,042 --> 01:17:05,834
- Do I look OK?
- You look great.

1290
01:17:05,917 --> 01:17:08,209
Youse two look like knobs!

1291
01:17:08,292 --> 01:17:11,751
Oh, stick a sock in it, Knucklehead!

1292
01:17:11,834 --> 01:17:13,542
Welcome to the Blue Light Disco.

1293
01:17:13,626 --> 01:17:15,792
- Here. Give it to me.
- Where'd you get that?

1294
01:17:15,876 --> 01:17:17,667
Mum and Dad. Unreal, hey?

1295
01:17:17,751 --> 01:17:19,459
Jeez, I wish I had parents like yours.

1296
01:17:19,542 --> 01:17:21,209
Jeez, I wish I had parents like yours.

1297
01:17:21,626 --> 01:17:22,917
Take one and grab a boy.

1298
01:17:23,001 --> 01:17:24,626
- Which boy?
- Doesn't matter.

1299
01:17:24,709 --> 01:17:26,459
Just tell him you're on the pill.

1300
01:17:29,959 --> 01:17:31,084
I'm on the pill.

1301
01:17:38,292 --> 01:17:39,292
Want to dance?

1302
01:17:40,376 --> 01:17:41,584
No.

1303
01:17:57,042 --> 01:17:58,459
Ooh!

1304
01:18:02,376 --> 01:18:03,834
Want to get out of here?

1305
01:18:10,084 --> 01:18:11,667
I'm on the pill.

1306
01:18:18,959 --> 01:18:20,626
She's just like you and me.

1307
01:18:22,126 --> 01:18:24,401
Stuck here. Rotting.

1308
01:18:25,167 --> 01:18:27,084
And they'll never let her get away.

1309
01:18:28,209 --> 01:18:29,459
Tommy got away.

1310
01:18:35,542 --> 01:18:37,251
- Eugh!
- What's it like?

1311
01:18:37,334 --> 01:18:38,542
Awful.

1312
01:18:48,021 --> 01:18:49,280
Is this it?

1313
01:18:50,297 --> 01:18:53,005
We're gonna be grown-ups soon,
like our parents.

1314
01:18:55,251 --> 01:18:56,959
It's not like the movies, is it?

1315
01:18:58,115 --> 01:18:59,823
Maybe she's trying to tell us something.

1316
01:19:02,001 --> 01:19:04,751
If our parents have everything,
why are they so miserable?

1317
01:19:19,751 --> 01:19:22,626
- What do you reckon?
- Piece of piss.

1318
01:19:22,709 --> 01:19:24,626
Get rid of it in about three seconds.

1319
01:19:24,709 --> 01:19:26,542
Seagulls do the rest.

1320
01:19:34,501 --> 01:19:36,792
Christ, it's almost 9:00.
We gotta go. Come on.

1321
01:19:36,876 --> 01:19:38,542
Come on. Come on!

1322
01:19:41,042 --> 01:19:42,667
Stop. We've got to go back.

1323
01:19:42,751 --> 01:19:44,477
- No, we need to leave now.
- What about the whale?

1324
01:19:44,501 --> 01:19:46,227
No, we've just got to get out
of these damn clothes

1325
01:19:46,251 --> 01:19:47,876
and just go... we'll go back...

1326
01:19:47,959 --> 01:19:49,584
Hey, lovebirds.

1327
01:19:49,667 --> 01:19:51,292
Hey, are you having fun, Engelbert?

1328
01:19:51,376 --> 01:19:53,334
Yeah. Great. Happy it's over.

1329
01:19:53,417 --> 01:19:55,084
Who says it's over?

1330
01:20:36,626 --> 01:20:38,251
Love you.

1331
01:21:24,542 --> 01:21:26,126
Stop, Melly.

1332
01:21:29,959 --> 01:21:31,126
Come.

1333
01:21:32,292 --> 01:21:33,292
Put your arms around me.

1334
01:21:36,584 --> 01:21:37,792
Like your Nanna.

1335
01:22:15,459 --> 01:22:16,709
Come on, love.

1336
01:22:18,459 --> 01:22:19,935
- Morning, morning, morning.
- Hey, hey, hey.

1337
01:22:19,959 --> 01:22:21,584
- Hey, mate.
- Hey, Rick.

1338
01:22:21,667 --> 01:22:22,917
How'd it go?

1339
01:22:23,459 --> 01:22:25,917
It sounded like the bloody
walls of Jericho coming down.

1340
01:22:26,001 --> 01:22:27,667
Oh, shit!

1341
01:22:27,751 --> 01:22:30,126
- Stop it! Shush!
- Alright!

1342
01:22:40,251 --> 01:22:42,834
Let's get this over with.

1343
01:22:44,126 --> 01:22:45,959
- Right?
- Couldn't agree more, mate.

1344
01:22:46,042 --> 01:22:47,768
Springboks - best team in
the world. Why can't we watch?

1345
01:22:47,792 --> 01:22:50,209
I don't agree with that. Not at all.

1346
01:22:50,292 --> 01:22:52,001
I just want to watch rugby.

1347
01:22:52,084 --> 01:22:54,542
Let's go and talk to them. Yoo-hoo!

1348
01:22:54,626 --> 01:22:56,792
- Hello.
- Hello, darling.

1349
01:22:58,001 --> 01:22:59,041
Did you have a good night?

1350
01:22:59,084 --> 01:23:01,626
Cripes! Look at the time.
Better get a move on.

1351
01:23:01,709 --> 01:23:03,459
Yeah. Big news down at the beach.

1352
01:23:03,542 --> 01:23:05,626
Your whale is all over the telly.

1353
01:23:05,709 --> 01:23:08,001
Christ, he's right.
We've gotta get a park.

1354
01:23:08,084 --> 01:23:09,768
Every bugger and his dog
will be down there!

1355
01:23:09,792 --> 01:23:11,432
Come on, then.
We've gotta beat the queue.

1356
01:23:11,501 --> 01:23:13,341
- Gonna be a bloody nightmare.
- Come on, love.

1357
01:23:13,376 --> 01:23:15,584
Now there's two lanes and
BOTH bloody lanes are packed!

1358
01:23:15,667 --> 01:23:17,417
Oh, my boy.

1359
01:23:23,251 --> 01:23:26,251
Everybody clear off!
This is your last warning!

1360
01:23:26,334 --> 01:23:27,959
This is a blast zone!

1361
01:23:28,042 --> 01:23:30,209
For the last time, move back!

1362
01:23:30,292 --> 01:23:33,876
Sod the lot of youse! Hope you
all get blown to kingdom come!

1363
01:23:33,959 --> 01:23:36,209
Hey. You getting a good shot
there, tiger?

1364
01:23:36,292 --> 01:23:38,037
- Yeah, Dad.
- On ya, son.

1365
01:23:38,501 --> 01:23:41,042
You see? That's why
we had to beat the traffic.

1366
01:23:41,126 --> 01:23:43,545
Look at us. Winners are grinners.

1367
01:23:44,376 --> 01:23:47,167
Every news crew. Let's just
hope that it all goes to plan.

1368
01:23:47,251 --> 01:23:49,042
Oh, yes. Oh, yes.

1369
01:23:52,167 --> 01:23:54,459
Every news crew in Australia.

1370
01:23:54,542 --> 01:23:56,584
Don't take any chances.

1371
01:23:56,667 --> 01:23:59,459
- Make sure you get rid of it.
- You're the boss.

1372
01:24:00,751 --> 01:24:02,045
Hey, boys!

1373
01:24:03,167 --> 01:24:04,376
Double it!

1374
01:24:04,459 --> 01:24:06,962
- Yeah, tops.
- Double it, boys.

1375
01:24:07,917 --> 01:24:11,292
Looking at it from this angle,
it's just massive.

1376
01:24:11,376 --> 01:24:13,834
It's a... massive mammal.

1377
01:24:13,917 --> 01:24:15,709
It's a dead whale, not a fish.

1378
01:24:17,042 --> 01:24:19,126
You see? That's why I get here early.

1379
01:24:19,209 --> 01:24:22,376
Hey, Keith. Keith! Over here.
Saved you a possie.

1380
01:24:22,542 --> 01:24:24,834
- Sorry we're late.
- Position A.

1381
01:24:24,917 --> 01:24:27,792
Gerome's driving the porcelain
bus like a right nong.

1382
01:24:27,876 --> 01:24:29,709
I think I'm gonna spew again.

1383
01:24:29,792 --> 01:24:31,626
Hair of the dog. Drink it.

1384
01:24:33,792 --> 01:24:35,459
Get it into ya, mate. Good for ya.

1385
01:24:35,542 --> 01:24:37,251
Come on, suck it up.

1386
01:24:47,334 --> 01:24:48,792
Found a better view?

1387
01:24:54,352 --> 01:24:56,352
I'm sorry.

1388
01:24:58,688 --> 01:25:00,021
I don't know what happened.

1389
01:25:02,123 --> 01:25:03,456
Maybe...

1390
01:25:06,376 --> 01:25:08,126
Maybe I was just too nervous.

1391
01:25:15,834 --> 01:25:18,792
Maybe you were just looking out for me.

1392
01:25:22,626 --> 01:25:24,459
Do you still want to go to Melbourne?

1393
01:25:26,709 --> 01:25:28,084
Race you.

1394
01:25:31,667 --> 01:25:32,959
Come on.

1395
01:25:34,667 --> 01:25:36,292
What do you reckon will happen?

1396
01:25:36,376 --> 01:25:39,542
I don't know.
It's gonna be a mess, though.

1397
01:25:39,626 --> 01:25:40,667
Aww!

1398
01:25:46,126 --> 01:25:49,876
The big fish, christened Chips
by the boys at the station,

1399
01:25:49,959 --> 01:25:52,209
is about to spend his last day
in paradise

1400
01:25:52,292 --> 01:25:55,417
thanks to Mayor Bradley
Brimshaw's final solution.

1401
01:25:55,501 --> 01:25:56,959
Our friend could have picked

1402
01:25:57,042 --> 01:25:59,459
any strip of sand in the
country to end his days,

1403
01:25:59,542 --> 01:26:02,084
and he wisely chose ours -

1404
01:26:02,167 --> 01:26:06,251
1975's Tidy Town winner!

1405
01:26:06,334 --> 01:26:08,459
That's a good one, that one.

1406
01:26:08,542 --> 01:26:10,417
Our glorious beach
is about to get even tidier.

1407
01:26:11,542 --> 01:26:13,459
- Ladies and gentlemen...
- Nigel.

1408
01:26:13,542 --> 01:26:14,834
...boys and girls,

1409
01:26:14,917 --> 01:26:17,959
bid a hearty farewell

1410
01:26:18,042 --> 01:26:21,501
to our great blue whale.

1411
01:26:36,792 --> 01:26:38,334
The whale's gone!

1412
01:26:38,542 --> 01:26:40,251
Goodbye, whale!

1413
01:26:46,126 --> 01:26:47,876
What a fucking fizzer.

1414
01:26:49,001 --> 01:26:51,584
She did it! She finally escaped!

1415
01:27:01,751 --> 01:27:02,751
Oh!

1416
01:27:05,959 --> 01:27:07,584
' Eugh! ~ Oh!

1417
01:27:07,667 --> 01:27:09,001
Oh! Oh!

1418
01:27:12,042 --> 01:27:13,709
Oh! Eugh! Eugh!

1419
01:27:13,792 --> 01:27:16,334
Oh! Shit a brick! Run!

1420
01:27:20,251 --> 01:27:21,251
Shit!

1421
01:27:31,042 --> 01:27:32,334
Ohhh!

1422
01:29:03,542 --> 01:29:08,959
S' Ah... S'

1423
01:29:29,001 --> 01:29:31,792
So, if this is
the decade that defined us,

1424
01:29:31,876 --> 01:29:33,751
then it ended with two superheroes

1425
01:29:33,834 --> 01:29:36,417
and two tonnes of dynamite.

1426
01:29:37,459 --> 01:29:40,167
Melly and I took flight
and never looked back.

1427
01:29:43,167 --> 01:29:45,834
Don't get me wrong -
I loved my childhood.

1428
01:29:45,917 --> 01:29:47,542
Our parents did the best they could

1429
01:29:47,626 --> 01:29:49,542
with the bent tools, they were handed.

1430
01:29:49,626 --> 01:29:52,626
And the upshot of trying
to force a kid into manhood

1431
01:29:52,709 --> 01:29:54,376
with a packet of condoms

1432
01:29:54,459 --> 01:29:57,084
was the licence to be a 14-year-old

1433
01:29:57,167 --> 01:29:59,584
for the rest of his fabulous life.

1434
01:30:02,292 --> 01:30:05,126
When people ask me
what happened in the 1970s,

1435
01:30:05,209 --> 01:30:07,292
I've got a simple answer...

1436
01:30:18,876 --> 01:30:20,685
You should have just left
her at the airport, honestly.

1437
01:30:20,709 --> 01:30:24,209
Because we come here to have
a holiday, a family holiday,

1438
01:30:24,292 --> 01:30:26,126
and you just... all you've done is yell

1439
01:30:26,209 --> 01:30:29,917
and sit there and look fat
in your purple togs.

1440
01:30:30,001 --> 01:30:32,751
Fiji is a dump! I told you
we should have gone to Tonga!

1441
01:30:32,917 --> 01:30:34,459
Here, sir! Look what I found here.

1442
01:30:34,542 --> 01:30:36,251
Look how beautiful this turtle is.

1443
01:30:36,334 --> 01:30:38,584
Hey, come, look what I found.
Look at this.

1444
01:30:40,167 --> 01:30:42,334
Has he got a hole drilled in his shell?

1445
01:30:42,501 --> 01:30:44,001
Yes, he does.

1446
01:30:45,209 --> 01:30:46,709
It's Tommy!

1447
01:30:46,792 --> 01:30:49,167
He used to live opposite Mum and Dad.

1448
01:30:49,251 --> 01:30:51,084
We have to take him back.

1449
01:31:06,209 --> 01:31:07,917
OK. Are you recording?

1450
01:33:41,376 --> 01:33:42,876
Go, Mama!

1451
01:36:12,001 --> 01:36:13,376
Oh, shit!