Heartbeat Speakeasy

>"Looking good, boss?" Your muscle asks, hammering the last nail into place.
"Like a fuckin' post card!" You respond.
>The project he was completing was hanging up a large piece of artwork that you had commissioned, front and center on the main wall of your headquarters.
>You are the head of criminal activity in this town, all stemming from your one area of expertise.
>You don't fuck around with drugs, or extortion, or jaywalking.
>No, you run the city's leading Doki love ring. Places where men of similar faith can get together and share their love of the Dokis.
>Outlawed nationwide, punishable in court by the highest penalties.
>That is, of course, if you got caught. But you were too slick for that!
>You ran a tight ship, and only allowed those who you felt were trustworthy into this inner-most sanctum. Your crown jewel; the Heartbeat Speakeasy.
>A simple little place, really. A small bar, a fridge, an oven and grill for snackage, and tables. Writing materials for anyone who felt like getting creative, as well as a few books. Even had an overhead projector!
>Furnished decently ornately, the place really looked nice. And it was all accented with all manner of Doki contraband; posters, plushies, merch.
>You even managed to track down a few of each of the AX boxes, which were on display. Extras were given as gifts to your most loyal men.
>Looking away from the mural on the wall and around the joint, you counted at least twenty heads, chatting away about their Dokis. Good times.
"Hey, good work, man. Your bun would be proud!" You say to your muscle, giving him a pat on the back.
>"Thanks, boss!" He flashes a smile, and goes to hang out with his other Sayorifriends as you lean back against the bar, the art behind you.
>Yep, things were going great. Nothing could go wrong at all.
>The door swings open, and a trouble man that you recognized as a Yurifriend stumbled in.
>"Boss, we got big problems! Big fucking problems!" He stammered out, freaking out.
>You hop up and run over to him, the other patrons turning to see the commotion.
"What? What are ya talking about?"
>"There's two officers outside! And-and-and they've got a warrant to check us out!"
"Is that all? Shit, that's nothin', buddy, I'll just-"
>"Doki officers, man! And not just that, they're... they're..."
>You give him a quick slap, and he readjusts himself.
>"Officers Natsuki and Yuri, sir."
>God damn it. Officer Yuri, you could handle. Easy, no problem there.
>But Natsuki was the apple of your eye. Still, nothing your silver tongue couldn't take care of. You think for a second.
"How much time we got til they come in?
>"I-I dunno, a couple of minutes? One of the Sayorifriends is talking to them, I said I was gonna come and get you so you could unlock the doors for them."
"Good thinking. Alright, don't worry, fellas. This is nothin'. First off, any Natsukifriends or Yurifriends that won't be able to handle themselves; Go in the storeroom for a bit. If anything goes south, there's an exit back that way. This includes you, buddy." You speak aloud to the room, then to the man who's shoulders you're holding.
>"He nods, and begins to make his way to the store room with the others when you speak up.
"Oh, and take that guy with ya. He'll give us away in an instant." You point to a man sitting on a stool near the storeroom.
>"I love Monika!" The stool man says as one of the Yurifriends lifts him off and carries him into the storeroom.
>The door closed behind them, you hop over the bar and reach under it, flicking a switch as you do.
>You had planned for this, and so as the switch was flicked, the artwork on the walls flipped around to show off plain artwork.
>The mural behind you spun around to show off an impressive selection of alcohols.
>Writing materials and books, replaced with magazines relating to sports and women that were decidedly nondoki.
>And the pièce de résistance; a small tarp unfurled from the ceiling and covered the storeroom's door.
"Alright, boys, we've run these drills. Things will be fine, but just in case they ain't, put your masks on. If shit goes sour, make a run for it. I'll go down with the ship, and you'll all be fine. Talk about whatever you want, as long as it ain't Doki."
>The remaining patrons reached underneath their tables, and retrieved green ski-masks, pulling them over their heads.
>You stood at the bar and stared down the door, when it opened once more with the pink and purple officers and your blue friend.  Both officers were wearing traditional police wear, with a few differences. Yuri had a long skirt, Natsuki had a shorter one, and the same went for the black leather gloves they wore. Natsuki opted for sunglasses, while Yuri went without. Both had tasers attached to their hips to assist in taking in ne'er-do-wells.
"Welcome, ladies, to my humble business." You say, opening your arms wide in a welcoming stance.
>"Thanks, sir, bu-" Yuri begins.
>"We're not here for your dog piss, buddy! You're under suspicion for harboring Doki love!" Natsuki shouts, rushing up to the bar with the purple in tow.
"Doki love? Why, I'm not into that sort of thing." You look into the scrutinous pink eyes and feel your heartstrings plucked. Resisting, you continue. "All I'm into is selling fine beverages to finer patrons."
>"Oh yeah? All these weirdos with green faces are your 'fine patrons?'" The officer asks, making air quotes around her words.
"Of course! My establishment is one that values privacy, and as such my patrons are allowed to wear these specialized masks."
>"Mhm." The small pink one squinted behind her aviators, and looked you up and down. "You got a license to sell alcohol, buddy?"
"Yes, ma'am." You pulled out a piece of paper from below the counter, and handed it to her. She handed it to Yuri, who examined it closely while the pink continued staring you down. "Are you sure I can't get you anything?"
>"Alright. While we take a look around, I'll take a water. You want anything, Yuri?"
>"Uh... do they have tea?" She said absentmindedly while looking over your license.
"Yes, we do!" You say, turning around to peruse your selection. "We have black, green, mint-"
>"Why does a bar have tea?" Nat speaks up behind you. "Isn't that a bit odd, Yuri?"
>"Yeah, that is kind of strange." Yuri responds. You feel their gaze on your spine. It was pretty rare for bars in this town to carry anything but water, soda, and alcohol. You thought fast.
"Oh, that's simple. One of my regulars really likes to mix his liquor with his tea, and I like to keep stocked."
>"Right." Natsuki says with a tone of reluctant acceptance.
>"I'll just take some black tea, thank you. And your license is up to date, though it'll be expiring soon, so please get that taken care of, Mr. Anon." Yuri says, handing the paper back to you.
"I'll make sure to get it updated; thank you for the reminder. Now, is there anything else you ladies will need?"
>"We'll just be taking a look around, make sure you're really not up to anything." Natsuki readjusts her gloves, takes her water, and begins to walk around the room with Yuri, talking between themselves as they inspected everything.
>You kept a calm face, but inside you were sweating bullets. A million thoughts ran through your head.
>What if the mechanism malfunctions, and all the posters flip around? What if someone left their poetry out? What if someone lets something slip? What if that guy yells 'I love Monika' a bit too loud in the other room?
>And all the while, your heart yearned for that pink officer.
>Keeping it together, the officers come back to the bar.
>"Alright, bub, looks like everything's in order." Natsuki says, setting her empty glass on the counter, Yuri responding in kind with her own glass.
>"No Doki love on the premises, seems our reports were wrong." Yuri adds.
"Of course, of course." You take the glasses and turn around, beginning to clean them. "You both are welcome any time, by the way! Always happy to serve the people who keep our city safe." You were scot-free!
>"Right; I might take you up on that, this seems like a nice place. Say, what do I owe ya?" The pink cop asks, reaching into her side pouch.
"For a cutie like you? No charge."
>Wait.
>Fuck.
>The snap of velcro, then shouting.
>"What did you just call me, bub?!" You felt something pressing against your back. Looking in the glass bottles in front of you, you see in the reflection that the fun-sized officer has hopped onto the counter on her knees and was now putting her taser to your spine. Shit, think fast, boss.
"A, uh, rooty-tooty-criminal-shooty?" You stammer out.
>"Bullshit! What did you say?" She pushes it against you in a more threatening manner.
"Uh, uh, fruity! Yeah! You're fruity! Like, uh, your shampoo?"
>"Oh, that is it, fucker! We caught you red handed! Yuri, get these other guys rounded up!" She leaned down to you. "You're goin' away for a long time, buddy! You know what waits for criminals like you, don't you?"
>You'd heard stories. You took your opportunity; it was too late for you, but not the others.
"Scram, boys! The jig is up!" You yell.
>Like rats who had been spotted, the patrons scattered and rushed through the doorway. Yuri fired a shot with her taser, but only managed to get one of them who fell to the floor with a yelp.
>"Son of a bitch!" Natsuki spun around to take aim too, and you made a break for it.
>Flicking the switch and running toward the storeroom, you were almost there when the tarp fully came up.
>However, a flying cupcake had planted herself firmly on your back, and with her weight plus the momentum you came crashing to the ground.
>Her tiny hands made deft work in cuffing you, and even with your face smushed against the ground you could see Yuri looking in awe at the contraband coating the walls.
>Natsuki looked up from you, and noticed it as well.
>"Holy shit... this was a lot worse than we thought. You're done for, buddy. Yuri, call for backup on those runners while I get this guy to the car." She said down to you, shifting her weight off of you and standing up before pulling you to your feet as well.

>Dutifully, you served your sentence. You're not sure what happened to everyone else, but you don't think they got it this bad.
>Only one count of Doki love at first, and quite a few counts of distributing Doki love materials. Nothing major, a month in the slammer, maybe.
>But then they found your private stash in the storeroom. The poetry, the drawings, the fics.
>Even those ones.
>Three hundred and forty seven additional counts of Doki love, and conspiracy to commit further Doki love. Deemed unfit to return to society in current state by Judge Monika, or in any further state without rehabilitation.
>Sentenced to life under the careful eye of Officer Natsuki.
>Through careful applications of snuggles, handholding, and headpats, the legal system sought to bring you justice.
>What an awful fate, but it's as they say.
>Can't do the time, don't do the crime.