Thread 10: Stories 31-45

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>Shiny
'2'
"42"
~Sombra~

Shiny, 2, and 42 stand in front of door to an unused room of the castle.

>So what exactly spurred this on?

'Me'n Somby were looking around the hobby shop for some new decorations for the jingle ball, then he just saw something, bought it really quick and asked if we could go home!'

"He nearly knocked me over when he floated over here."

>Weird...Sombra, you in there?

Shining knocks on the door.

~A moment!~

>What are you doing in there?

~You will find out when I am ready, curse you!~

"What in the world could he have found in a hobby shop to get him this worked up?"

'Dunno, he already said beating Shining at Hyperspace Hyperwars was getting boring.'

>Hey, I almost inflicted five whole casualties last time!

42 rolled her eyes.

"Sombra, whatever it is, we have a right to look at it, now open the door or I'll break it down!"

~No need, it...is...accomplished! Heh, I love being able to pause dramatically again.~

The door lock clicked and the trio slowly opened the door.

>"'Whoa...'"

On a circular table a tremendous scene of battle was depicted. Phalanxes of Earth Pony militia marched into battle alongside axe-wielding Diamond Dog mercenaries, a force of royal Unicorn lancers charged in a triangle formation with a regal noble at their head, above it all Pegasi and Gryphons hung from fishing wire, frozen in mid dogfight. The landscape was labled with a singular placard on the side of the table facing the three interlopers.

>The Battle of Bleak Bluff.

Sombra grinned at them from the other side of the table.

~I believe I have acquired a secondary hobby.~
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>Chrysalis
“AJ42”
‘AJ18’
[AJ2]
~~~~~~

‘Yo, Queenie, what’s up?’

“18!”

‘Yeah?’

“This is our Queen, show some respect! Ahem! Your majesty, you summoned us?”

‘Plot-kisser…’

>Indeed I did call. There was something I wanted to discuss with you three.

“Your highness? There are only two of-”

Chrysalis merely leaned her head to the side to reveal Two riding on her back, one hoof gripping her teal mane and the other waving ecstatically.

[Hey, you guys! Look, look, I brought marchmalley’s to share!]

She lifted one of her rear legs to show them the five or so marshmallows fitted into her holes.

Chrysalis hunched her butt causing Two to bounce with a giggle.

>We’ll get to that, Two. Keep pulling on my hair for a moment while I converse with these two.

[Okay, not-mom!]

‘…’

“18? What’re you looking around for…?”

‘Didn’t you hear that? She used the word ‘converse’. Correctly, I might add. There’s gotta be a mug of cof-there it is! Damn it, who keeps giving her coffee?’

>Settle yourself, 18, I got it on my own. It’s just generally a good drink, no hijinks involved. Though… after a few sips, Two wandered up to me, which I can understand as she is one of my minions, rogue though she may be. But when I went to pet her, I picked up on something that made me slightly light-headed….

42 and 18 exchanged glances of mounting apprehension. They never liked it when their queen got like this. A simple-minded 'Queen Bitch' Chrysalis was bad enough, messing up paperwork and taking over empires, but a caffeine-fueled Chrysalis carried the weight of getting stared down by an anaconda that knew it could strike but simply chose not to….

Chrysalis glanced over her shoulder at the smaller Changeling so enthralled in playing with her teal mane.

>As our lore goes, the more love we receive the stronger we become, yes?

“Um… that… that’s correct, your majesty. Why…?”

>Because it’s only just dawning on me that the little one on my back poses a great threat to my reign as queen.

“…”
‘…’

>Your looks are most amusing, but I am not finished. Without love, our kind grows weak and frail, brittle like dead twigs, and yet this little one had enough love to jumpstart the Crystal Heart and then some. The hearts she touched that day, the warm message she spread… she’s undoubtedly become something of a star to the crystal ponies, and with that kind of adoration comes heaping helpings of… love.

[Hey, not-mom, I’m tying your hair with some of my marchmalley’s! That okay?]

>Of course, dear.

‘What exactly are you saying, Chry-… your highness?’

>I’m relaying two things, and I can tell from your drawn expressions that you’ve somewhat grasped what it is I’m about to say. To the chase, I consider Two an anomaly… something that probably should have never been created. By that same merit, I see her as the prodigal child, a savior for all Changelings. She possesses not a single mean-spirited bone in her body yet, as we speak, she harnesses a ridiculous strength born of love that could rival a lesser queen. And she’s still growing. It’d be a pity to just let all that potential go to waste.

“You can’t mean….”

>So I began to think… what if Two were to be trained to control her massive reservoirs of love? What if, hypothetically speaking, she were to succeed where countless other Changeling Queens, including myself, have failed? What if she were destined to be the premiere ruler of Changelings? Going even further… what if she were born to rule the world?

‘If this is a joke, your majesty, it’s not funny. At all. Two would never do that, Shiny wouldn’t even allow-’

>But then my thinker kept right on thinking and I began to wonder… what if when the time was right, I relinquished my heart to Two? Allowed her to become the Queen she was always meant to be?

“YOUR MAJESTY!”

>Yes, you are right. She would never do that, not this bundle I carry now. But as I see it, Two’s happiness decidedly revolves around those close to her, the way they smile, and laugh, and play… so that must mean that if those special ponies began to fall like flies, one by one, her heart would wither. And what if it was I who had done away with them? Filled with unimaginable sorrow and grief, that would certainly give her justifiable cause to devour my heart, and so I’d let her, if only to fade away knowing I’d given birth to something truly unstoppable.

“…”
‘…’

>Come now, girls, no need to look so intense. I’m merely relaying some idle thoughts I had. If I truly believed any of this had a chance of succeeding, I would have done away with Two a long time ago.

“Y-you what?”

>First and foremost, I am the queen, and plan on being as such for a long time to come. I was not lying when I said Two had vast amounts of love within her, but that pales in comparison to my raw talent and strength. For now. But with each hug, and each kiss, and each friendly wave she receives, Two subconsciously consumes more love. And I believe we, as Changelings, know what happens when another female rises up against the queen, whether knowingly or otherwise.

A stringent, almost hostile silence filled the room, broken only by Two’s preoccupied giggles as she fixed Chrysalis’s mane in a myriad of styles. The jovial sound was in sharp contrast to the nauseating butterflies 42 felt fluttering in her stomach, and 18 was no different.

>So I’ll be keeping my eye on Two. Besides the fact that I may one day have to make her disappear, I cannot deny she is quite the cute one. And her love is warm, sincere even.

42’s throat was dry.

“Wh… what about 56? I… his near invincibility is something that’s surely not gone under your radar….”

>My darling 56 is a male and thus of no concern to me one way or the other. He, too, could lay ruin to a few villages if he so chose to but like with this one, he’s as pure as snow. But now I ask my own question… does it not seem somewhat odd that of all my minions, only Two and 56 appear to have this childlike outlook on life? Despite their upbringing and circumstance? Have you ever wondered why that is, where they come from?

‘I was always busy with the missions you gave me….’

“And me with my training, your majesty.”

>Hm. Well, they cannot remember their past and it seems as though no one else does either. Except I. And perhaps that’s for the best, some tales are better left to the shadows of yesterday. Now, if one of you would be so kind…? I think my back is breaking….

18 quickly reached out to get Two down off Chrysalis, hastily scooting the smiling Changeling to behind herself and 42 who stepped up almost protectively.

>Thank you. Now I trust I’ll find none of what was spoken between us spread around the castle?

42 didn’t know why she bowed... but she did, and so did 18.

“‘No, your majesty.’”

>Good. Then I’m off to try and comb these marshmallows out of my mane or else be forced to cut it all off. But at any rate, I’ll snuggle you later, Two. Be a good girl, okay?

[Okay, not-mom! Hope you don’t wind up bald!]

>So do I, dear.

And Chrysalis sauntered off and out of sight, leaving both 42 and 18 to stare anxiously between one another and then finally at Two who was slightly frowning that out of her six marshmallows, she’d used three playing with Chrysalis’s hair.

"Petition Celestia to ban coffee from all of Equestria?"

'Agreed.'

NON CANON
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>AJ 12
"Construction pony"
[???]
~~~~~

>Finally! A surefire job.

"Now, that is not the right attitude to have here."

>Pal, I'll be honest with you, look around. You are totally understaffed, there is a LOT of repairing to do, and guess who is willing to do ANYTHING with this job?

"...Anything"

>...I do not like where this is going.

"Look, pal, let's not beat around the bush, we work hard... but we also play hard. Hit it boys!"

[EVERYPONY DANCE NOW!]

Amidst the strobe lights and flashing colors, it was till a long, long debate for 12 as to whether or not he was willing to stay on.

>...Nevermind, thank you for your time.

Trying to hide his sadness, and fighting to not just give in and go back, he left.

"Aw, that's a shame."

[Nobody understands our dance parties.]
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>Cadence
"Chrysalis"
~~~~~

>Love is in bloooom~! A beautiful bride, a handsome gro-

"BLAMASLAMMA!"

>AHHHHHHHHHHH!

"HAH! I love it when ponies freak out when I-

>AAAAHHHHHHHH!

"...Caddy? It's just me."

>AHHHHHHHHHH!

"Caaaddy? Cadence? Come on now, this is getting annoying."

>AAAAAHHHHHHHH!

"...If I can sleep with your husband, keep screaming."

>AAAAAAHHHHHHH!

"BOOM! I win!... shit, I need to like, get this in writing, Shiny didn't believe it the other time this happened either."

>AHHHHHHHHHH!

"...Fine! For fucks sake. So annoying..."

>AAAAAaaaaiiiiI can't believe she fell for that. Now where was I?....A handsome grooom! Two hearts...
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>DT
"SS"
'Cheerilee
[56]
~~~

>Make them go awaaaaay!

"Well, now you know how Twilight felt."

>SS? Seriously? Shut up. I blew up an airship. I BLEW. UP. AN. AIRSHIP. I fought a cyborg hand to hand. I rocketed SO MANY THING. I DESERVE a day off, but NOOOOOOOO! 'Your education is just SO IMPORTANT, ISN'T IT CHEERILEE!?

'Right. And on that note, please keep from grousing or being crowded by students in a few minutes when class time starts, it's very disruptive.'

>I'll try. Really hard, I swear it.

[She's lying]

>I HAVE MORE GUNS AND I WILL USE THEM!

'Not in class, dearie.'

>I KNOW!

[Man, Blankflank, you got to have all the fun! All I got to do is sit at your house and eat all the brownies.]

"He's not exaggerating, your dad had to make another batch for me, and he ate those too."

[I see whats I want and I takes it!]

"...So did you really fight a cyborg?"

>Long story.
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>Spike
"42"
'77'
[DT]
~~~~~
>Welcome back to the meetings, Tiara, I'm glad you could make it. Your dad feeling better?

[Uh, yeah! Like totally!]

'...'

"'like totally'?"

[I- mean- uh... What's it to you bug monsters! Rawr! Racist rants!]

>...

Diamond Tiara enters the room

[Hey, guys! Sorry I'm late, my dad wanted you guys to try some of his brownies, I ate half on the way over-... What the?..]

Spike reaches over and pulls off the Diamond Tiara mask revealing Twilight

>Twily,,, You got some 'splainin' ta do!

{Oh, Spikey! I wanna be in the gun club! WAAAAAAAAH!}

Stay tuned next week for more episodes of I Love Twily
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>AJ10
"MM"
{BBB}
~~~~

>Ya wanted ta' see me mayor? Can I finally get the interview already?

"NO!... I mean, uh, no, I don't want anyone knowing about... I mean, I'm trying to stay out of all that before the election, you know? I'm more worried about... that."

>Huh? Oh, camera's off. No worries!

"No no... the robot."

>I swear his gun ain't loaded.

{THERE IS A BEE! TERMINATE! TERMINAAAATE!}

*CLICKCLICKCLICK!*

>See?

*CLICKCLICKCLI-BLAM!*

>...It's really hard to get my hooves in there, sometimes I miss one.

"I noticed. Are you sure that thing is... safe? It doesn't look safe."

>What do you mean?

{BZZZT! I AM THE PINNACLE OF SAFETY! LOOK AT ALL OF MY SAFE ACCESSORIES!}

Dozens of guns, lasers and saw blades suddenly popped out.

"..."

{THEY ARE SO EFFICIENT YOU WILL NEVER FEEL A THING! SAFETY ATTAINED!}

>See? Perfectly safe.

"...I'm not going to be able to get that robot from you, are I?"

>You can't! Who would hole my camera!

{BZZT! I AM PROGRAMMED WITH OVER EIGHT THOUSAND WAYS TO HOLD A CAMERA!}

"How many do you need?"

{JUST ONE, BUT I AM VERY GOOD AT IT!}

"...Fine keep the robot, but I'm not getting blamed if this goes south."

>Who are ya' gonna blame?

"We both know the punchline to that joke."
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>Applejack
"Pinkie Pie"
'Spike'

~~~~~
'This is really underhanded, you know that, right?'

>Ah know...

"It is uncharacteristically low for you...

>Ah know...

'But you're not going to stop, are you?'

>If ya'll kin think o' a better way to git mah cake to me fast as possible besides 'do mah work in Sugarcube Corner', Ah'd like to here it.

'Just saying.'

"By the way, the apple strudel will be up in another five minutes!"

>Fantastic!
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>SA
"Chrysalis"
~~~~

>Oh for the love of... get out from under there!

"Awww, come on! Schooch that chair forward, I promise I won't bite. Just nibble a bit."

>Chrysalis, I can't slide my chair close enough to actually reach anything on the desk. Move.

"Oh, like you're going to be able to focus in a few seconds anyway!"

>Alright, enough is enough, I'm clearly not going to let you do that. Stop it and come out already.

"...I can't."

>You can't be serious.

"I'm stuck, I did not think this plan through at ALL."

>No kidding. What a rare occasion for you!

"Well, 18 said she was going to try it, and I wanted to beat her to the punch."

>You've succeeded. You got to humiliate yourself before she did, bravo.

"Just get me out of here, alright?"

>...Fine. I'll go get some lube, not like I ever get to use it anyway.

"HAH!"

>NOT THAT KIND! Crystal doesn't rust, obviously.

"...But you don't ever get to use the other kind either, do you?"

>I will leave you there.

"I will bite at your nuts like a piranha, your move."

>...Damn.

"VICTORY FOR THE QUE-"

*THUMP~*

"OW!"

>How did you almost win and take over Canterlot, again?
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>Shiny
"Spike"
~~~~~
BOOM!

>Hey, Spike! It's BROTIME!

"No, Shiny, no- I mean, wait, what?"

>I'm here to do, you know, BBBFF stuff with you! you know, to keep you from snapping and going on a homicidal rampage?

"Touching, but I've got paperwork to do."

>C'mon! we all have paperwork to do and I'm making time for you! Let's go play coop in Halo or something. Maybe let me DM the next OnO game?

"Thanks, Shiny, but today's really packed. Rarity needs help with a shipping manifest on some charities she's supporting including an urban gardening project, plans to run me through a survival course later, during that I need to teach ponies how to shoot the broadside of a barn, Celestia needs me to help her balance a new tax system to allow lower income families to make it while getting a bit more from the higher income folks, then Twilight wants me to help her test some weapons and needs dragon blood, semen, and urine samples, and Applejack wants me to help her sort some new bills as well as relook the magna carta.

>... I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear that second last one. But be realistic, you've been doing all this for the past week and then some. All work and no play makes Spike a dull boy!

"Well what are you gonna do if I stay a dull boy, rub your butt all over my paperwork?"

Shining Armor freezes, goes wide eyed, and slowly walks away backwards

"Huh, that was a weird reaction. Something I said?"

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>Applejack
"Spike"
'???'
~~

>AT LAST!

"I'm going to burn this place to the ground, I swear it. I SWEAR IT!"

>Let's save tha' burnin' fer' later. Right now, all the days work is done, the letters are mailed, and the ink is dry. We're DONE!

'Oh yesss, the ink most certainly IS dry, isn't it?'

>...Was that-

'SLAMGOESTHEMA'AM!'

>...Spike, Chrysalis has just entered the room, and she is grinnin' like a loon.

"Already loading my gun."

'Ohhhh, it's FAR too late, my dear little dragon! The time for your intervention was so very long ago, and you have clearly missed it.'

>...Alright, now Ah'm actually worried.

'As well you should be! At last, my time has come. Oh, it took sooo much planning, this one. So many little pieces had to fall into place, so many tiny little things could have brought my whole scheme to it's knees! But now, now it is far, far too late.'

"What did you do!?"

'It took a team of sixteen Changelings, thousands of bits for a cake launcher to keep Celestia preoccupied, several bags of marchmalleys to convince Two to cover for me, hundreds of trips back and forth from the Empire to here, setting up FOUR different royal guards on blind dates in exchange for their silence, and EXTENSIVE teachings from the one changeling I have that knows legal terms... and is not dead. Did you guys know 29 isn't dead? Mind freaking blown on that one. Was SURE Shiny killed him..."

>CHRYSALIS!

'RIGHT! Back on topic. Anyway, after allll that, my master stroke, one of my many ultimate plans have finally come to fruition! For you see, a law slipped by you all. A law you signed, and today takes full effect! At long, long last, what I desire so much will be mine! AND THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO STOP ME!'

>Which one was it!?

"I don't know! How could she have slipped this past us!?"

>Dang it, we're so over-worked this damn legal mumbo-jumbo must've blurred together! What did ya' do?! WHAT DID YOU DO!?

'Bill number eight, one, seven, four.'

"I've got it! It's... the fuck!?"

>...W-wha?

'That's riiiiiight! Could you believe this brilliance, this absolute master piece of chessmaster tactics all started with a jest? 18 said it to Cadence, completely frustrated and lacking any sort of self awareness to the BRILLIANCE she was inspiring. Look upon it, look upon it and WEEP! For it is now law, the law you swore to uphold, that which you CANNOT deny! LOOK AT IT AND KNOW MY BRILLIANCE!'

>...Chrysalis, Ah' want ya' ta' tell me, in yer' own words, what this bill means.

'Very well! Should pony A, referring to the husband lawfully wedded with pony B, engage in an act of purely-'

>Ah' said yer' OWN words!

'Fine, you wish to hear it as I first imagined it? As it was first meant to be? Very well. In short, dear Applejack... from now on-'

"Oh sweet Celestia no."

'-a married stallion getting a blowjob from someone other than his wife does NOT count as cheating! Mwahaha... Mwahahahahah....MWHAHAHA AHAHAHA AAAAAHAHAHAHAHHAHA AAAAAAAAHHAHAHAHAHHHAAAAAAAA!'

>...
"..."

'...Way to flake out on the lightning, 48! What the fuck, I give you ONE JOB, 48! ONE FUCKING JOB AND YOU FUCK IT UP!'

>...Chrysalis?

"Yes, dear sweet Applejack?"

>Sit down fer' a second, Ah'm gonna go through some stuff with ya'.

'...'

>M'kay, first off, and this is important, this is just a law. Which means that, at best, it means that oral cheating can't be used in a divorce preceedin'. It doesn't magically make the wife o' the pair, or the husband fer' that matter, okay with that happenin'.

'...'

>Second, ya' could'a slipped regular sex by me, apparently, and ya' chose ta' go with a blowjob? Why?

'...Uh, my mind kind of locked in when 18 said that, and I was too caught up to really expand on the idea.'

>Fine, fair enough. Third, this bill can be repealed in six months. It's in effect NOW, but six months from now Ah' can make it like it was never even there, no problem. Ya' kind of showed yer' hand before gettin' what ya' wanted.

'...huh.'

>And lastly, and this is the most important part... this bill only effects Equestria.

'....Riiiiight?'

>Just Equestria.

'What's your point?'

>Not the Empire.

'...We don't share laws?'

>We do not. Independent.

'..........Shit.......'

>Now see, normally, this would be when ya' jump up, declare "Ya'll win this round!" and fly off, but can ya' do me a favor? Can ya not? Just... just leave the room quietly, and promise me ya'll will never speak of this again. Iffin' ya' can do that, Ah'll gladly give ya' the same courtesy.

'...I just spend so much time on this, you know?'

>Ah' know sugar cube... Ah' know.

With all the dignity she could muster, the Queen stood up and quietly left the room.

"...Did we seriously pass a bill saying-"

>Yes, Spike. Yes we did. We signed off on it. The pony we have that looks it over signed off on it. Luna signed off on it. And most important, Celestia signed off on it.

"..."

>Spike? Now ya'll can burn this place to the ground.
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>48
~~~~

Meanwhile, outside, the Changeling known as 48 could only stare at the items in his hooves. His Queen had rushed up to him, shoved them to him, declared "No time! Use these when I give the signal!" and raced off.

Morosely, he held up the banana next to the loaded gun, and cried to the heavens.

>I DON'T UNDERSTAAAAND!
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>AJ 42
"Various Changelings"
'Various Ponies'
~~~~

"Boss! We have returned!"

>...Oh, shit, you guys are still alive. Kudos, thought our Queen nuked you or something.

"No power, not even from a god, could kill-"

"THE RAINBOLTS!"

"Rainbolt RED the-"

>Right, got it.

"...Uh, you threw off our timing."

>And yet, I feel no remorse. Go ahead, try to make me feel bad, I dare you-

*BOOOOOM!*

'Holy shit, the color explosions are back!'

'WHY!?'

'THERE IS PAINT AND FIRE EVERYWHERE!'

>...

"Now don't you just feel stupid?"

>Please tell me you guys at least flew back here?

"...DAMN IT, YELLOW!"

"Guess I did it again!"

*Shared laughter*

"Oh Yellow, will you ever do anything right?"

>And Shiny wonders why I stopped trying to make an airforce.
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>Spike
[Charity]

>There we go. All cleaned out. Now it's Crackerjack's turn.

[Wait, that actually happened?]

>What?

[I mean why do you keep that overgrown flashlight, darling? It only works on robots. The robot threat is over.]

>It doesn't hurt to keep it around just in case.

[What about ammo? There's no powercells anymore. No robots, no powercells.]

>Eh, I'll ask Twilight if she can make a compatible one for me.
He turns around for a moment when there's a loud CLACK

[Ooooh oh nooo...Crackerjack fell on the floor and had an accident. Oh it looks like she isn't very durable. Wow what a shame...]

>Oh, well it's a good thing I still have the schematic. Twilight shouldn't have a problem fixing it.

[Damn it!]

Rarity walks up behind Applejack ready to strangle her.
{What's up, sugercube?}

[Nothing! It's...just nothing!]

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>Night Guard
"Changeling"
~~~~

>You know, I should have seen this coming.

"You mean you didn't? How? How could you have possibly thought this was going to go any different?"

>I thought she would at least send one of the sexy ones.

"We all look the same!"

>Nu-uh, one of you has pink hair. I love pink hair.

"Oh for the love of... better?"

>Little bit.

"So shallow, only caring about appearances!"

>Fine, what do you do? What are your interests?

"...I think I stack things? I don't know, everyone was snatching up all the fun things, I kind of panicked."

>Of course you did.

"You're a night guard, then?"

>Did my armor give it away?

"Yeah, about that, who wears full armor to a date?"

>Someone who wants to get laid, that's who.

"Tsh, just like I thought."

>Oh please, like you're any better. I see you hitting that wine and weighing your options.

"...Yeah, this is stupid. Want to just duck inside the bathroom real quick, get what we both want and then later never call each other again?"

>....Eeehhhhhh..... fine. This will still be in my top ten of best dates. Just real quick, though. You're a guy, right?

"That I am. Smaller snouts mean mare for ponies, right?"

>They do.

"Fantastic. And the bill?"

>I made sure to bill your Queen.

"Oh, I like you!"

>Give me ten minutes, I'll see if I share the sentiment.
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