Thread 15: Stories 1-15

Thread 15 Archive: http://archive.heinessen.com/mlp/thread/17165620
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>Shiny
“AJ2”
______

With Celestia’s sun and the weather team working in perfect synchronicity, the scenery outside the Crystal Empire was a bright and gleaming one, perfect for an outing. Which is exactly what Shiny and his surrogate daughter, Two, opted for.

>This is truly a wonderful day! No clouds, not too hot, no annoying queens, just a relaxing walk about Canterlot Square with my darling T-

…
“…”

>…Do I even want to know?

“I have no clue what you’re takin’ about, Shiny….”

>Oh, I think you do.

“Do not!”

>So you don’t know how those three marchmalley’s just fell out of your hair? Even though I said no sweets before dinner?

“I… I, uh… LOOK A GIRAFFE!”

Every head whipped about at Two’s wild exclamation. Every head except Shining, who stayed staring down at the heroically pointing Changeling.

Goodness gracious but she could be cute when trying to think fast.

“You… you’re not lookin’, Shiny….”

>I most certainly am not. I’m looking at a little Changeling who’s in trouble.

Two’s ears drooped and her bottom lip got to quivering as her pointing hoof lowered.

“I’m s-sorry, Sh-Sh-Shiny….”

The need to discipline flew right out the window and before she could even finish, Shiny had already scooped her up for a hug, nuzzling her fiercely until she erupted in giggles.

>You’re forgiven this time, Two, but do it again and it’s no marchmalley’s for a whole hour.

That might as well have translated to ‘Christmas has been cancelled forever’ by the way her eyes widened in abstract horror.

“Y-yes, Shiny!”

>Good girl.
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~~~~~~~~


“I… I, uh… LOOK A GIRAFFE!”

^Hey, look it is a Giraffe what's one of them doing in these parts?^

~I have no clue~

*You think he's here on business?*

~I doubt it, the only thing Giraffe's give out in spades are pains in the neck.~

^Ha ha ha, was that meant to be a neck joke?^

~No, but it is kinda funny... he he.~
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>SA
"Spike"
'Poindexter'
{Celestia}
[Chrysalis]
~8-bit~
~~~~

>Uhhh, Bitty? Itty Bitty? You okay? You look like you're about to stroke out.

~Y-you're...~

[Is that directed at me or you?]

{You think he'd be more impressed to see me.}

[But he'd be more shocked to see me.]

"Seriously, do I need to bring out the heart medication?"

~Y-y-y-you play Obliques and Ogres with THE PRINCESS!?~

{See?}

~AND THE CHANGELING QUEEN!?~

[HAH! I got the scream. I totally win.]

{Hm, guess you do.}

'Oh boy, uh, Chrysalis? You might not want to-'

~YOU'RE ON A FIRST NAME BASIS WITH HER!? I JU- JEHU- THAT'S THE QUEEN OF THE CHANGELINGS!~

[HAH! I like this guy! Finally, someone who shows some respect.]

'Right, but seriously Chrysalis, you probably shouldn't-'

"You find yourself on the edge of the shaded quagmire of Alahalolo! Deep in the forest, your campsight is-"

[USE ADVANCED SEDUCTION ON SHINY!]

~WHATWHATWHATWHAT?!~

>OH COME ON!

[Are you going to scream that every time? Seriously... HAH! Success! C'mere and give me all that lovey goodness.]

{Yes, do keep banging those pieces of plastic up against one another, I'm sure it will make up for the fact you'll never actually have sex with him.}

~WHATWHATWHATWHAT~

[Oh, don' be jealous just because your crotchfire could melt diamond.]

{Hey, at least if the option ever becomes available, I'm the 'celebrity exception', unlike you, who is in fact never getting any.}

~WHATWHATWHATWHAT~

>Will you just finish your turn? Every time with this.

[Hey, I enjoy reminiscing back to the wedding days... mmmm... Shiny all up in there....]

~WWWWHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAATTTTTT!?~

*THUMP!*

>...BITTY NO! NO! SPEAK TO ME! BREATH BITTY BREATH!

"I think you killed him."

>BIIIIITTTTTYYY NOOOOOOOOOOO! WHYYYYYYYYY!?

".."
'...'
{...}
[...HAH!]
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>Jugglejack
"Various Changelings"
~~~~

>Dadadadada-FUCKING HOLES!

"Dude, give it up already."

"Yeah, what's the big deal with this anyway?"

>What's the big deal? I'm finally unique! I finally stand out in a crowd! We all look the fucking same, but the minute they see me they think, hey! That's the juggling one! He juggles!

"It's just not that impressive."

>Talents never are, mostly, but it's still our thing, still that thing that makes us happy and fun. 55 flew into fires over and over! Did it make sense? No. Was it dangerous? Yes. Should we have stopped him and gotten him help? Absolutely. Are we monster for letting him hurt himself like that? Totally. Should he... uh...

"...The juggle thing."

>Right! Point is, I juggle. It's my thing. And I'm going to keep juggling, and nobody can stop me!

"...You can just SAY your coltfriend likes it."

>He's not a coltfriend! He's just a juggle enthusiast!

"..."

>...REALLY! Does everything have to be about fucking with you guys?

"Yes."

>....Dadadadadadadad! HEY! I ALMOST....

"...Fucking holes?"

>Fucking. Holes.
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>SA
"Celestia"
'Chrysalis'
~~~

>This is SO STUPID.

"Negative."

'Hurtful.'

"My creativity is being stifled."

'You monster. Bad Shiny.'

"Bad."

'No biscuit.'

>...

"...But yes, we did not think this one through at all."

'Speaking of, how long until we're close enough to get pulled back into the planets gravita... Gravitia... the magic pully part of the universe.'

"Oh, about ten minutes. We should his the ground in about ten and a half."

'...Juuuuust enough time to join the 'space-mile-high' club!'

>No.

'DAMN IT!'

>...

"...You're thinking about it, aren't you."

>I am considering grabbing Cadence and asking for a re-launch, yes.

"Well, too bad. There was only enough explosives to do that once, and if my ass hadn't cushioned you then the upward G's would have crushed you like a pancake."

>...Shoot.

'Options still on the table'

>No.

'DAMN!... Hey, by the way, is this thing safe for re-entry?'

"..."
'...'
>...Shit.
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>29
"Zecora"
~~~~~

>Sooooooo....?

"...I'm afraid you're boned. You may as well be stoned."

>WHAT!?

"I'm sorry, but I speak the truth. For many a day, I did sleuth. High and low I searched for a way to aide you, but I'm afraid my spirit guides have gone too. They looked at your problem, and found no hope, they laughed at me for trying to help such a dope."

>That's unhelpful, what am I supposed to do!?

"Find a god and pray to it, and hope that into your soul he does not shi-."

>LANGUAGE!

"...Huh?"

>Language! Around the children! They'll pick up bad habits and my research into killing bars of animal fat are going poorly!

"My chitinous friend, I do not understand, surely they are not going to listen to your command."

>Of course they are.

"...Are you saying that instead of hate, the children care for your soul? You do not wish me to banish them, send them to the land of fiery coals?"

>No? They mostly just hang around me. On occasion they will request that I go finish some business for them so they may pass on, but most are all too happy to move on once they know someone cares about them. I just wanted, I don't know, a blanket 'move on to the happy place' spell or something!

"...You care for the souls, though they are not your own, and you do this for no reason, just so they will not be alone?"

>Well... yeah. No kid deserves that. And... I mean, it's not like I don't have room. They don't take up much space.

"Hmmm, it seems this is not what I thought. I feared that their wrath upon you they had wrought. But it seems they are happy, and perhaps you are as well. Good or bad, only time will tell."

>Thanks?

"It is a shame you did not live in my village, your prospects would have been great. In the land I came from so long ago, skill in fatherhood made you a very desirable mate."

>Oh? Any... tribal royalty?

"There were a few elders, though their age made them quite unseemly. They stayed long in the hot tents, and did not wash routinely."

>Still would consider it.

She just rolled her eyes, and began rifling through a chest in the corner of her hut. Eventually, she seemed to find what she was looking for.

>...You're kidding.

She was not.

>This... it's one of those little bubble-popper things with scribbles on it! How is this supposed to help.

"Try it and see, you will be surprised, trust me."

>These rhymes are getting out of sync-HHHHHNNG!

With a thump, he hit the floor, green energy sparking off his horn and shooting out in every direction, blowing holes everywhere before Zecora could finally kick the offending object away.

"...You're paying for that."

He just twitched, which in her language was as official as signing a binding contract.

That's her story and she's sticking to it.
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>29
"Ghost Pony"
~~~~

>Can't believe you roped me into this.

"Just drive the cart."

>I'm going to die from this. You get that, right? I'm going to die and then I will be a ghost and I will spank you.

"Jokes on you, I'll be gone!"

>Then I'll...

He didn't know how to continue with that.

Until he felt a pair of ghostly, ethereal forelegs wrap around him.

"Then you'll meet me up there."

>I'm not...

"If you say so."

He smiled, released the brake, and careened down towards the ramp, and off over the cliff.

His hospital bill was astronomical.

The look on the little colts face as he faded away? Priceless.
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>MM
"29"
~~~

>Why?

"A ghost wanted me to finish the jump he never could."

>Oh. How'd he die?

"How do you THINK!?"
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>29
"Ghost Pony"
'???'
_______

29 raced through the streets of Ponyville like a bat out of hell, hooves pounding off the concrete as he cut corners and dodged bystanders with precision unseen, all the while a little ghost foal floated just behind him.

"Mister, just give up, you'll never make it!"

>I refuse!

He front flipped over a trash bin and hooked a hard right down an alleyway.

"I appreciate the effort but it's just not possible!"

>Anything's possible if you just BELIEVE!

"We can try again tomorrow!"

>Not an option for what is today but yesterday's tomorrow?

"I...wuh?"

>Point is, it's getting done! Today!

And with a gymnastic-level dive, 29 burst out of the alley and into the town proper, surprising all the ponies nearby as he tucked into a roll and skidded to a halt next to... an ice cream cart that was just closing up.

He slammed down some bits.

>ONE TRIPLE-SCOOP OF SHERBET MY GOOD MAN.

'...Ooookay. Here you go, sir, you're lucky you made it in ti- why's that ice cream floating...?'

But 29 only sighed with solace as he watched the little one continue to ascend, happily licking its treat and waving down at him.

"Thanks, mister! Thanks!"

>Worth it.
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>SA
"Chrysalis"
~~~~

>...

"Ta... you know what? I'm not even going to ta-da this one, this one sucks. Cousin Annelida being able to stretch out her neck a couple more inches is dumb. It pulls back my goddamn optical nerves, everything is all stretchy."

>Can't you just make yourself taller anyway?

"Yeah... sort of. There's limits for how tall I can get, and the taller I am the harder it is to maintain it. Nobody ever figured out real super-size magic... well, nobody except..."

>'Thuntania'?

"..."

>Oh, don't give me that stinkeye, of course she was going to tell me. She loves Momsie so much.

"...And?"

>Aaaaaaannnd... I told her not to tell anybody but me.

"And?"

>There is no and, it ends there. With me.

"Not... Twilight?"

>No. She's probably going to kill me if she ever finds out, but no. Currently the epic of Momsie is known to but three.

"..."

>...What?

"Thanks."

>For what?

"You know what, don't be like that, Shiny."

>Hmm, trust is an important thing, Chrysalis. Sometimes you have to believe that someone like you has your reasons.

"I do."

>Good enough for me. But out of curiosity, does it have anything to do with her being able to smash buildings?

"She was a fucking huge monster, Shiny. She may have been nice to me when I was a tiny one, but I never once thought she wouldn't squash me. She hoofwrestled a very old dragon."

>And won?

"Hell no."

>Phew.

"Not phew, it pissed her off so much she tore out it's sternum."

>...Shit.

"Now you see why I censor everything."

>And I thank you for it. If I may? Keep it up, she loves your story time.

"Yeah... I guess I will."

>...She's dead, right?

"Several tons of snow and sub-zero temperatures will do that to a Changeling... I hope."
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>Dadling
"Bat-mom"
~~~~

>So, uh...

"..."

>...We ever gonna do that pony thing you guys do?

"We did that already, remember? It's why I'm currently dipping a pickle in rockey road ice cream and thinking that sentence is okay and not horrible."

>No no, not that thing... that thing was fun... no, uh, I mean... the thing those two ponies were doing when we arrived.

"I told you, no. I don't care if you have lube, it's not going in there."

>No no no! Not that! The... er... the hasmblashme...

"The what?"

>The... mgmmding thing.

"I can't understand you."

>The wedding thing! Are we going to do the wedding thing or not?

"...Is that how you propose?"

>...I was supposed to ask that in a special way!? You ponies are so confusing!

"Yes."

>See! Even you aren't denying-

"I mean yes, we can do the wedding thing."

>...R-really?

"Yes."

>...EEEEEeeee! C'MERE YOU!

She giggled as he scooped her up in his forelegs, fluttering all around the room.

"Silly bug."

>But I'm YOUR silly bug now!

"Yeah, you are."

All the way up to the ceiling, she pulled him into a kiss.

"I love you."

>I... I love you too. And I'll always-GAH!

With a soft thump, they hit the floor.

"Too close to the ceiling fan?"

>Ow.

"Thought so. If they come out crazy or something, I'm blaming you."

>Shoot, need to find someone to blame on my end...

"..."

>...Darn it, there's nobody who I can blame!

Somewhere, Celestia just hoofpumped into the air and let out a little cheer.

And Shiny needed some ice for his fractured chin.
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>Fanfic-ling
[{"-~Other changelings~-"}]

>Guys! GUYS! I'm telling you guys, Chrysalis is just a little filly in a mare costume! She's probably got four other changelings, each working one leg!
"...Is this like that time you thought that Celestia was a dragon in a pony suit, and all the princesses were part of some secret society that controlled every aspect of our lives?"
[Or the time you tried to convince us that Luna wasn't ACTUALLY banished to the moon, Celestia just used the Elements to make it LOOK like she did?]
{This sounds a lot like that theory you had that little green ponies from beyond the stars taught the first unicorns how to use magic.}
-Why don't you try writing non-fiction like 10?-
>But... but I saw her...!
~Whatever you say, man...~
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>Mane-iac
"Guard"
'Chrysalis'
~~~~

>AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHH! FOOOOOL! I HAVE FOUND THE ULTIMATE WAY TO DEFEAT YOU!

"This isn't funny!"

>YOU CANNOT STAND AGAINST MY CUNNING POWERS, OF EEEEEEVVVVIIIIIILLLLLL!

"Give it back already! Come ooooon!"

>BOW BEFORE ME, AND TREMBLE!

"Just-goddamnit-comeon-GIVE IT BACK!"

>NEVER! YOUR VIRGINITY IS MINE!

"...My WHAT!?"

'Just roll with it.'

"But that's just my helmet-"

'Roll with it.'

"Beside, I already lost it to a vacuum-"

'ROLL WITH IT!'

"...Fine... GIVE IT BACK! NEH! NEEEEEH!"

>AHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

"Fucking hair!"
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>SA
"Luna"
~~~~~

>Hey! Luna! Just there mare I wanted to see. You want to go lava skating? We're going lava skating.

"That sounds ridiculous, and abhorrent to even consider! What madness brings you to ask this of us?"

>Well, you know, just thought it would be fun.

"Well, it is not."

>Oh.. okay.

~~~~~~~~

>Luna! Check this out, see this? It's a picture. It is a picture of a giant bunch of dogs we have lashed to a chariot. Want to ride with us? Me, Chrysalis and Celestia are going to race, but there's room for one moooore?

"Neigh! That sounds absurd of the highest order! We have guards for that."

>You surrre? They lick your face and are adorable! And not sentient, we double checked.

"Begone you vapid fool! This is a waste of time!"

>....Alright.

~~~~~~

>Polo game?

"Well, that sounds reasonable-"

>The polo balls are all bombs.

"OUT!"

~~~~

>Okay, you'll like this one. Ice cream.

"...well, we do enjoy a bit-"

>A giant POOL of ice-cream.

"For stars sake, Shining Armor! When did you become such a silly, foolish little foal wrapped in a stallions skin? Why ever would you ask me to partake in this!?"

>...

"..."

>...Celestia wishes you would spend more time with her when we do these weird things she does to unwind. She was starting to feel a little jealous when Cadence started tagging along, and I just want her to feel better. Please?

"...Why... why did you not simply say so!"

>...

"...You had better have moose tracks in there."

>Of course!

Very, very slowly, the lunar princess smiled.

"You are a good friend to her, Shining Armor."

>Just returning the favor. She's the best.

"If you say so... now come, the last one into the giant pool is an egg that has transformed it's still forming embryo into a slurred mess of dead tissue! The life snuffed out stinking up the entire room!"

>...I already have regrets.

"Too bad!"
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>32
"77"
'Twi'
-DT-
[Pommel]

>Again.

'No.'

>Excuse me?

"Brother this has gone on long enough, how many times has Pommel been destroyed by this monster?"

-Ninety-six times, I was keeping count.-

>Run it again.

"Brother-"

>He needs this. He needs to struggle and grow. He needs to go until he can no more. To exhaust every option to-

-Die like a bitch almost a hundred times?-

'32, I appreciate your...interest in advancing one of the guard, but he's showing minimal progress at best and in a real situation he'd have been dead several times over by now. This simulation is over.'

>...well, it is your simulator, far be it for me to impose my will. Take him out of it.

The doors of the simulator open, Pommel limps out, panting. 32 and the others approach him.

[It stopped...]

>Yes indeed, Pommel, that was enough for today.

[...but...I...no, no put me back in!]

-You have gotta be kidding me!-

"You're being pushed too hard, Private, you need to rest."

[No! I can do this! I can! Let me fight it one more time!]

'Private Pommel!'

Pommel shrinks back, cowed a bit at Twilights outburst.

'Your vitals were showing increased signs of mental strain, that combined with the shock of dying that many times, simulation or not, could have irrevocably damaged your brain! Answer me as to how you could have defeated that cave troll if you were brain dead?'

[...please...please let me finish this...]

32 puts a hoof on Pommel's shoulder.

>Your progress today was admirable, Pommel. You have time to expand your skills. Mark me one day you will be a force to be reckoned with, until then...

[Best in the world?]

>Best in the world, now get some rest. Perhaps look after our two friendly neighborhood con-stallions for a little while. The troll can wait.

Pommel nods, slowly limping out and away.

"Do you really think he can live up to that ridiculous mantra?"

>All things are possible, dear brother, all things are possible.

-...so, got any two's?-

"Go fish, poppet."
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