Terraria Ass - Shut up about your mermaid waifu

Seems I forgot an NPC because she doesn't exist
You will never meet a mermaid one sunny day on the beach
She will never mention that she loves oysters but doesn't eat them often
The two of you will never frolic in the water as the tide goes out, collecting oysters filling the chest you brought to the shore with your catch
She will never bury you right by the water line before the two of you take a nap on the beach
You will never wake up to the water lapping on your face and panic as you realize the tide is coming in
She will never realize she can’t dig you out of the wet, heavy sand before the water would cover your face
She will never look down on you with an uncertain look before she drags the chest of oysters over
You would never look up with uncertainty as she slowly lowers her ass onto your face before shifting around, wedging you deep in her crack and ensuring there is a small bubble of air for you
The weight of her tail added on to that of the sand and water would never be too much for you to even move an inch as she settles on top of you
You would never not know the reason she doesn't eat oysters is because they give her horrible gas as the first few puffs of not so fresh air fills your lungs, each breath containing a fishy smell strong enough to taste with the faintest hint of ocean breeze
She will never spend the rest of the day sitting there, lounging in the water up to her bare chest, snacking on oysters, and waiting for low tide
The only sign that she has company will never be the occasional stream of bubbles when you exhale
She will never watch the sunset by herself before lying back in the water with a belly full of oysters and a gut full of gas as she rests her eyes
She will never realize she slept through the low tide but at least she’ll still have plenty of oysters to turn into air for you, even if they've started to go bad causing a bit more than gas to come out as she waits for low tide