Once upon a time in Los Angeles, California, I discovered the internet years ago during the 56k dialup years. I remember getting an AOL cd in the mail after my mom purchased a home computer for our family. My life was going to be so much fun I thought. Shit as far as I remember I was already hooked on the internet during my high school days.

I remember cutting Spanish 1 class to hang out at the library and our library had computers with internet access. The internet was new and having to connect with people all over the world was something big to me. I’d chill out in chatrooms, check out porn because being a high school student tends to make you curious about the opposite sex, or read up on articles about anything. It was untapped information and people back then was really interesting. I’d discovered new cultures like the juggalos, furries, anime communities that translated and helped people like me watch them or read them (mangas), and even encountered a community that acted out sexual fantasies. Back then we called it “Cyber sex” and I was weirded out but was drawn into it. I spent hours cybering some girl and i did it around my homies whom they thought it was hilarious. I mean, seeing someone type out “lemme see you turn around as I grab your tits and rub my dick on your butt” would probably make anyone laugh. That’s what I loved about the internet back then. You can be candid and not have to worry about being judged.

The internet had it’s good parts but it has a lot of bad ones too. I remember hearing the word “hackers” and paid no mind to it. From what I read, these guys were criminals using their skills to steal money, steal info and stuff I thought they do from watching the movie “Hackers”. I thought they’d only go after the Government or banks or rich people and as far as I’m concerned, I wasn’t in any of that category. Or so I thought. Now when I said it has it’s bad parts, I really mean these motherfuckers ain’t no joke. I imagine some nerdy kid with freckles all scrawny and shit using his hacking abilities to get back at society because he was punked in high school by jocks, or the cute girl didn’t look his way. That’s what I thought but living in Silicon Valley, these new age techies have evolved. The cool kid you remembered in college and high school looked like them. The style of looks has changed and so has the atmosphere of the internet. Everything is more serious. I can imagine since people are making billions of dollars and new entrepreneurs are popping out everyday. And what happens when people who have a lot of money? They start to change and they start to feel like they’re untouchable.  If they want to ruin someone’s life, they can with no remorse and I feel as if they take joy in seeing people suffer.

During my mid twenties, there was a family problem which lead me, my mom, and brothers to be homeless. After working so hard to keep up with the mortage and watching my stepdad ditch my mom for a younger mistress which lead him to not give a fuck about paying for the house, we ended up selling the house and forced to live with relatives. The whole family split. I was forced to quit my job and move back to San Jose. My mom went to stay with my aunt, my brothers moved in with their girlfriends and I was living in my van. All I had was a laptop and I needed to escape my problems in life. I didn’t want to talk about it with my friends because it was too embarrassing. “YO WASSUP DAWG? HOW YOU DOING? OH YOU LIVE IN YO VAN?” There ain’t no way I’m going to say that around people. My pride kept me from asking for help. So what I did was take out my anger, frustration out on the internet. Back then I thought its just people behind the screen that I’ll never see me. Shitposting relieved my depression a little but I’d sink in deeper after getting drunk or high off drugs and reflecting on my behavior. At that time, I’m like fuck it. Fuck everyone. Why did I have to suffer? These motherfuckers should feel like me.

I didn’t just spew anger everyday. I found a medium that I’ve always enjoyed. Anime. I used to post up at my friends house downloading from rapidshare, megaupload or just stream. I loved it. It helped me escape my problems in life and it helped me socialized. I found a website called 4chan from a friend. I saw it before when they whole /b/oxxy craze was starting up and thought its just a site for gore, gay porn and emo attention whores. But I remember seeing an anime picture of Ranma 1/2 and Code Geass on 4chan’s front page and clicking it. It directed me to a what I thought at the time was a forum and people were discussing anime. I thought to myself, I finally found a place that I love. I love talking to anons about what happened or I love arguing about which girl in a series was better. This was me before I was a tripfag. I enjoyed 4chan up until 2008-2009 when shitposting was becoming very rampant. The tripfag Taiga was coming up and getting a lot of attention. I remember threads would derail the moment that nigga showed up. I remember threads like To Aru majutsu no Index would get spammed or shitposted by people trying to pit Railgun and Index together. There were Porky/Justice threads that had the Naruto hate propaganda. And the Bakemonogatari Gore threads. /sp/ raiding us and talking shit. I was fed up and wanted mods to intervene so badly but nothing would happen. And that’s when I thought I’d pick up a tripcode and shitpost. But my agenda was I was going to be the baddest most horrible tripfag ever and make people despise tripfags. These fuckers ruined my safe haven and all I was left with was depression and anger.

For my trip name I randomly picked Siztra. Siztra was a name I made up. I wasn’t only going to put a name on, I was going to create an obnoxious persona that played with people's feelings. I posted mild shitposts for a while. I had to get my name out there and it wasn’t too long until I was invited to the MSN chat. I lurked around and didn’t chat much. I just wanted to get to know them. At that time, I thought there was a cabal of anonymous shitposters that goes around /a/ derailing threads. I’d see links to certain threads and people in the chat would jump on it. The MSN group circlejerked themselves on the threads, name dropping, tripfags talking with other tripfags and some drama would ensue like Smochi (Doll aka Mihe) and (fuck I forgot his tripname but he was hating on her) would go at it. And Taiga would show up and back up Doll then they go back to their little chat about it. I was taking this all in, I was going to do what they did but worst. I was going to be obnoxious about it. Then from hearing in the chat I’d hear about Currybutt (leaf) who was an infamous shitposter from /jp/ that recently started shitposting on /a/, was chilling in Formspring. I went to stalk him and discovered a lot of /a/’s new cliques also was there. There was the /jp/ community and the r/a/dio, reddit, /a/ sing community. The r/a/dio, /a/ sing were all 100% redditors that flocked in groups once a thread was made. AND in those threads were nothing but spam and irrelevant drama that happened on IRC. I got to them quick and soon built a large follower base. Met some cool people like QuiZNo and MmEw. Got Lelouch to parley with me. But before that I infiltrated leaf’s life.

I didn’t know why but leaf had a crush on me. I mean if he knew that I was a guy, he’d be sick but this guy was a shitposter so I didn’t mind playing catfish. Shit, sometimes I had to remind myself that my catfishing life was artificial. I was too absorbed in it. I’d take some personal life info and use altered versions of it as my Siztra life. My Siztra life was all fake. I never snorted coke or sold drugs, its what I saw on the streets. I did however used meth. I was never pregnant, that was my ex-girlfriend. Those pictures weren’t me, I happened to randomly get them from myspace. I felt guilty using her pics but as long as I don’t ever see her I’m good. But my conscience took it’s toll and I stopped using her pics. To everyone I fooled, sorry lel.

I used the leaf (currybutt) drama to set the stage for my shitposting career. But I later furthered my shitposting career by becoming the IS Spammer. The IS Spammer my other persona that was praised Infinite Stratos (which was a very shitty show) and to put down another show. Kore wa Zombie was an anime that was airing that season and it had the same elements like Infinite Stratos but only more enjoyable since it was comedy. I used Kore wa Zombie as the catalyst to my IS spamming target. It didn’t stop there, I’d alter One Piece and Naruto copypastas with Infinite Stratos and spammed it on other shows like Steins;gate, Deadman Wonderland, etc. I’d make up quotes from celebrities and famous athletes that praised IS. And I’d make gay jokes as to portray how a typical fan of Steins;gate would act. It was FUN! /a/ was fun again. Damn, I’m shitposting on my safe haven but I’m having fun. My mind was starting to think like Taiga, Doll and leaf but it wasn’t good enough. I got moot’s attention when he renamed /a/ as Infinite Str/a/tos for a few weeks but what I wanted was MORE moderation. As I shitpost more and more, I’m starting to see more people feel the same way about tripfags. And when the time /q/ was introduced, my dream of having a moderated /a/ was about to come true.

There was an incident that happened on /a/ that involved a seiyuu (voice actress) being exposed to seeing an anon’s cock on her twitter. Eri Kitamura (she played Sayaka in Madoka, Ami in Toradora) was a victim of that prank. Now I shitpost but I never attacked people from the anime industry. I hate Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure fans but I admired Araki for creating Jojo. I mean the material must be good if the fanbase is that huge. I shit talked anon about their favorite anime but I was never that serious about it. And when you have a huge fanbase in certain anime shows, there’s going to be a ton of shitty people. One of those Jojofags posted his dick on Eri Kitamura’s Twitter page. You know how I know this? He was part of a circle of faggots that consisted of DEEFPAG FROM THE LANDS OF CAV-whatever the fuck his name was,  that guy that posted his dick, and other infamous shitposters. I wanted to get back at the guy in particular but shitposting wouldn’t faze him. So I targetted Deepfag (Solid). I mean why shouldn’t I? He was laughing his ass off on Skype as it happened, joked about it on Formspring, and said he might have posted his dick on her Twitter too but was being vague about it. I wanted him to pay for his crimes. So posted his face on /a/ , talk shit about jojofags because if a jojofag would do something like this, all jojofags are scum. It worked but I opened a can of worms with that. DEEPFAG (Solid) has some hacker connections and being the fake (Solid literally only act cool and nice on /a/ but an extremely shitty person elsewhere) ass nigga he is, he’s got some 4chan mod friends. One of them was Anonymous of Columbia or something. AoC.

So my crusade to get rid of shitposting and having more mod presence on /a/ was a double edge sword. The 4chan mods have now got their eyes set on me. DEEPFAG’s inner circle started fucking with me, spreading rumors and jokes. I’ve even had a fake dox  that was posted about me lol. The whole Siztra is a monkey is their thing and most of the hate would come from them. Also at that time I was beefing with Smochi. Doll was a popular tripfag that would get away with shitposting and she somehow started talking shit to me. Probably because DEEPFAG was her friend but my name was popping and you know how girls get when their attention is shifted elsewhere. I used this opportunity to be even more hated. When /a/’s most friendly tripfag is against you, you know you fucked up lol. At that time I was rolling with Nagi and Tali. I didn’t really roll with Tali but he’s cool with Nagi, he’s cool with me. /q/ would get daily threads about us. We was called the IRC Crew. Basically, some anons thought we hung out at IRC and planned raids to shitpost /a/. We really didn’t do that but we took the name and went to chill on IRC LOL. Every shitpost we did, we’d boast about it. Every shitpost that wasn’t us but somehow we still got the blame, we would take the credit. Anything to build our name and anyone that stood in our way would feel our shitposting wrath. We see r/a/dio fags spam, we’d spam with them then complained about it on /q/. Doll was drunk posting and spamming, i would whisper a mod on #4chan and get her banned. Tali found pics of RapeApe and he’d spam it. We recruited Ruggarell and other shitposters and we’d terrorize niggas on /a/. It was a Golden Age of Shitposting. It was also the straw that broke the camel’s back. Mods were given more power, more janitors were recruited. But we weren’t done yet. There were some mods that showed favoritism and we wanted them out. One of them was kinomod who protected r/a/dio threads and I_AM_ABIB who was shown dick pics by Doll so she can get unbanned. We had to make them lose their powers or their support by other mods and janitors.

The person that hated me the most was Kusanagi aka pr0x. He was a janitor made mod and the ideal mod that I wanted running /a/. Even though he hated me (because of my agenda to create a moderated /a/ by shitposting) we had the same vision. Kinomod is still a mod but after the r/a/dio incident, he lost a huge amount of power. Other mods were appointed by moot and lots of changes to the site was being implemented. Catalogs was introduced, more boards made. Shitposts would get shut down immediately, and I would read about them on the archives. /a/ was now a better place but since my behavior was unforgivable but I couldn’t enjoy the fruits of my labor. I had too many enemies that would spot me out the minute I post even without a trip. I was permabanned but this time I hung up the Siztra trip and took off to hang out at the /foolz/ board. /foolz/ was okay for awhile until I heard one of the new boards /vg/ was a shitpost haven. Doll and her inner circle was back but this time they absorbed a few other groups and named themselves Touch Fluffy Tail. The people I fought to keep /a/ clean came back and was bigger than ever. You have Solid’s crew, Doll’s crew, Giraffes/Welding’s crew. Shitposting was so bad in /vg/ and I tried to make my presence known, as to attract mods there and hopefully clean that shit hole up. But it seems mods gave up on it lol

I never planned to shitpost on /terag/ but I felt like it was my duty to get mods attention of the shitposting. I only ended up making more enemies, and my enemies (like Solid, Doll’s crew) made rumors and used numbers of people against me. I didn’t have Nagi or Tali to back me up and I ended up having to shitpost hard by myself. First person i picked out was Doll, but since I felt hella guilty attacking her on /a/ I decided to squash it. She squashed it and I was relieved. I’ve always liked Doll and considered her my favorite tripfriend on /a/. I only used her beef with me to further my agenda on having more mods but it ate me up inside after I got her banned. I basically tried to make a name for myself on /terag/ and /csgog/. I was originally a iBP fan because Dazed is from my hometown but after he retired, I started to be a C9 fan because I played with sgares once and he was also from my hometown. Seeing that C9 was hated on /csgog/, I used it as an advantage to help me shitpost. I even took it to youtube and started saying stuff like NiP and f0rest sucks and talking shit about other cs players. FOR THE RECORD, I WAS A F0REST FAN. I LOVED HIS COCKY ATTITUDE EVEN THOUGH I USED IT ON MY SHITPOSTING PERSONA AS A CRUTCH TO HATE HIM.

The internet changed like I said and with that comes more ways to have your personal info and data compromised. I think I felt the wrath of my shitposts coming from CS pros or Valve higher ups or people who worked at Valve who hated my negative attitude. People on the internet now wants you to own up for what you did online in real life. Karma came back and bit me in the ass. Even though it wasn’t personal, I guess what I did hurted someone’s feelings. Even though I had good intentions with the wrong approach, I wasn’t aware how fragile people’s feelings were.  I was so caught up in my vigilante-ish shitposting lifestyle that I forgot the one thing that mattered the most. Having fun on the internet. I’m not going to blame it on my situation, my depression, my drug use or not the shitposts on the internet. What I did was wrong, and if I could, I would love to meet everyone I wronged on the internet and apologize. I’ve been trying to pull myself out of depression, think positive thoughts, try to limit my bipolar behavior outbursts (shitposting) and try to make amends for what I did. Even if people won’t forgive me just yet and continue to pummel me until i’m dead, I vow to stop shitposting for good. I can’t be forgiven yet but I know I can change. I’ve been rehabilitating… errr kind of. I don’t know if switching my shitposting with getting myself immersed in Overwatch will help. I’m too poor for therapy, and getting a job is hard, so I became a professional in Overwatch for some time.