11/16/2009  9:32:46 PM  Joel  |°~*Rosa*~°|  that side of rafa is mostly superficial, really
11/16/2009  9:33:01 PM  |°~*Rosa*~°|  Joel  but it's something that goes beyond that.. like very very deep inside of him..
11/16/2009  9:33:01 PM  |°~*Rosa*~°|  Joel  oh well..
11/16/2009  9:33:20 PM  |°~*Rosa*~°|  Joel  I mean.. I hold no grudges against him.. but.. he does scare me sometimes..
11/16/2009  9:33:33 PM  Joel  |°~*Rosa*~°|  scare you in what way?
11/16/2009  9:34:43 PM  |°~*Rosa*~°|  Joel  well... sometimes I see him as a potential dangerous person.. not in like he will kill a man.. but he's absolutely capable of carrying strong hate.. and to me that's worse than a lot other things.. that's the catch about me... I'm very complicated..
11/16/2009  9:35:20 PM  Joel  |°~*Rosa*~°|  capable of strong hate? really? I differ.
11/16/2009  9:35:48 PM  |°~*Rosa*~°|  Joel  he stores a lot of anger
11/16/2009  9:36:25 PM  Joel  |°~*Rosa*~°|  towards what/whom?
11/16/2009  9:38:39 PM  |°~*Rosa*~°|  Joel  have you ever felt stuff about people? can you empathize with their hearts somehow? can you tell how a person feels inside just by looking at that person? because as unbelievable as it sounds.. I can.. I understand stuff.. I see stuff... I feel stuff.. and the stuff I feel about him brings me down.. and it feels like some sort of hate.. some sort of stored feeling he's not letting go of and it's
11/16/2009  9:38:52 PM  |°~*Rosa*~°|  Joel  secretly hurting him.. therefore hurting me
11/16/2009  9:38:59 PM  |°~*Rosa*~°|  Joel  (yes, I hurt for other people)
11/16/2009  9:39:13 PM  |°~*Rosa*~°|  Joel  (weakness? maybe.. but true)
11/16/2009  9:41:00 PM  Joel  |°~*Rosa*~°|  I generally think I'm pretty much of an empath, mostly. I do hurt for other people, although you probably beat me at it, apparently.
11/16/2009  9:41:29 PM  Joel  |°~*Rosa*~°|  'stored feeling secretly hurting him'
11/16/2009  9:41:37 PM  |°~*Rosa*~°|  Joel  lack of love
11/16/2009  9:41:51 PM  Joel  |°~*Rosa*~°|  i doubt it, his mother is very affectionate
11/16/2009  9:42:04 PM  |°~*Rosa*~°|  Joel  no no.. not motherly love
11/16/2009  9:42:06 PM  |°~*Rosa*~°|  Joel  love love
11/16/2009  9:42:16 PM  |°~*Rosa*~°|  Joel  like love that makes you love life
11/16/2009  9:42:24 PM  Joel  |°~*Rosa*~°|  you mean romantic love?
11/16/2009  9:42:40 PM  Joel  |°~*Rosa*~°|  or general love?
11/16/2009  9:43:04 PM  |°~*Rosa*~°|  Joel  nah.. more like.. life love.. just pure love.. that love that makes you smile at nature..
11/16/2009  9:43:49 PM  Joel  |°~*Rosa*~°|  you're closing in on the definition (or attributes, rather) of God
11/16/2009  9:44:07 PM  |°~*Rosa*~°|  Joel  yeah, I think so..
11/16/2009  9:45:22 PM  |°~*Rosa*~°|  Joel  well.. I'm a loving-cheery person he would just get a good laugh from.. I mean... seriously.. could you picture him actually enjoying a sunset with me if it didn't mean that we would probably make out through half of it?
11/16/2009  9:45:38 PM  |°~*Rosa*~°|  Joel  I mean.. I can't want him to be perfect
11/16/2009  9:46:12 PM  |°~*Rosa*~°|  Joel  but.. I can at least want some true love.. and.. I don't even know if he likes me .. so ... I don't know if I should be worrying too much about this..
11/16/2009  9:47:16 PM  Joel  |°~*Rosa*~°|  probably
11/16/2009  9:47:38 PM  Joel  |°~*Rosa*~°|  you mentioned 'avoiding him' earlier. Want to talk about that/
11/16/2009  9:47:40 PM  Joel  |°~*Rosa*~°|  ?*
11/16/2009  9:47:46 PM  |°~*Rosa*~°|  Joel  sure
11/16/2009  9:49:02 PM  |°~*Rosa*~°|  Joel  I mean.. I tried to stop talking to him... I tried to ignore him... it's cause he makes me feel bad :P.. seriously.. I want to demonstrate some affection and share some happiness.. and he just laughs in my face about anything I say... like I'm a clown or something.. that's why I want to ignore him..
11/16/2009  9:50:26 PM  |°~*Rosa*~°|  Joel  and it's hard.. I see his face and a strong force pulls me toward his direction.. so today for most of the day I had to just turn around and stand there and not look at him.. in the afternoon though he chased me and he was talking to me and telling me not to ignore him.. so I had to stop.. but..
11/16/2009  9:50:49 PM  |°~*Rosa*~°|  Joel  it was hard to start ignoring him.. though it did feel a little good
11/16/2009  9:51:20 PM  Joel  |°~*Rosa*~°|  have you ever considered talking to him about the stuff you don't like? it works.