Robin's Wish (2020) EN

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Subtitles by explosiveskull
www.OpenSubtitles.org

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<i>The instant high that
you get from when, you know,</i>

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<i>10,000 people are laughing
their heads off.</i>

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<i>What's your brain doing?
What are your neuro transmitters doing?</i>

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The human brain is, you know, an
extraordinary three and a half pound gland,

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<i>that is like quantum... it's quantum
neurology, it's quantum physiology,</i>

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<i>that the moment you think
you understand that it,</i>

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<i>it comes up
with something else.</i>

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Because I don't have an act per se,
but more a cesspool of consciousness,

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<i>just, you know, ideas.</i>

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<i>Moments when I'll be on a roll or
something will happen that I'll fire off,</i>

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<i>and you can't have... it's like being
possessed. It's like channeling.</i>

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When it works it's great,
and when it doesn't, it's painful.

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<i>But when it's working,</i>

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<i>it's that, it's that weird
thing about you're surfing,</i>

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<i>and kind of like you're in, you
know, that thing athletes describe it</i>

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as the same thing
of being, "Oh, it's working."

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My name
is Susan Schneider Williams,

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my husband Robin Williams...

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Two sentences, Leonard.

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It all happens in two sentences.

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We had unknowingly
been battling a deadly disease.

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A disease for which
there is no cure.

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Robin's... The devastation on
Robin's brain from Lewy Bodies

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was one of the worst cases medical
professionals have ever seen.

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Yet throughout all of this,
his heart remained strong.

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Unchosen path.

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When Robin started acting
out of character,

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nearly every region of his brain
was under attack by Lewy Bodies.

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Can you imagine the pain he felt as
he experienced himself disintegrating,

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and not from something he would
ever know the name of or understand.

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So, um,
I hate to have to report this.

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The breaking news
just in to CNN

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is that actor Robin Williams
is dead at the age of 63.

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We have just received
word from the West Coast.

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Tragic, devastating word.

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<i>Robin Williams has been
confirmed dead.</i>

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<i>They believe that the Bay
area resident committed suicide.</i>

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<i>We do know
that at 11:55 this morning,</i>

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<i>Marin County communications
received a 911 telephone call,</i>

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<i>reporting that a male adult
had been located unconscious,</i>

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<i>and not breathing
inside his residence,</i>

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<i>in unincorporated
Tiburon, California.</i>

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<i>I felt... tremendous remorse,</i>

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and guilt that, "Gosh, I could have
done more. I should have done more."

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<i>I know that something
must've been terribly wrong</i>

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for someone as brilliant as Robin to
just, you know, jump ship like that.

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<i>In the immediate
aftermath of Robin's death,</i>

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<i>the confusion and information
was constantly changing.</i>

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<i>Robin Williams'
battle with addiction</i>

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<i>and mental illness
was no secret.</i>

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Before the coroner's report
came out,

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there was a lot
of media speculation.

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<i>People who are
assuming the worst,</i>

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<i>that he's broke, or he's
depressed, or is just given up.</i>

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<i>The highs are highs
and the lows are lows,</i>

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and there's nothing sadder than
when a comedian is by himself.

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They painted him
as the sad clown.

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<i>Those close to Williams
believe he had bipolar disorder.</i>

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<i>They thought
he just committed suicide</i>

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for something related to
unhappiness, drugs or depression.

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And of course,
none of that is true.

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...on Robin Williams'
mind before his death, money.

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- While it may seem strange...
- <i>People fill in the blanks,</i>

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um, so a lot of that
was going on.

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That last evening
I spent with him, he was...

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he was completely sober
and not on drugs,

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but just most, uh, troubled
by what he was going through.

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I think it's important
that the truth comes out

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because there were so many affirmative
things that Robin stood for,

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<i>and we want to believe
in all of them.</i>

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<i>We want to believe in him.</i>

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And there's a danger that his suicide
could occasion people to think,

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"Oh, well he wasn't
what we thought he was.

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"We didn't know him
after all."

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Um, but we did.

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I felt like I was somehow
being loyal to him

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by not speaking about
the struggles that we saw.

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I think we felt that wasn't
anyone's business.

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<i>And so the story is one of
Robin being at the mercy</i>

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of something
that you could not control.

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And even worse than not being able to
control it, not even knowing about it.

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<i>It was not till October,</i>

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<i>I was called in to sit down to
go over the coroner's report.</i>

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<i>There were no surprises about
what was in his toxicology,</i>

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<i>I knew my honey
was clean and sober.</i>

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They sat me down and said,

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"Essentially Robin died
of diffuse Lewy Body Dementia."

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"What is that?"

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<i>They started to talk about
the neuro degeneration.</i>

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<i>He wasn't in his right mind.</i>

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He described how these
were these Lewy Bodies

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that were in nearly
every region of his brain.

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It makes sense why he was
experiencing what he was experiencing.

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<i>Cognitive moods, movement,
they were all affected.</i>

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<i>Depression, a fear,
anxiety, hallucinations,</i>

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<i>delusional thinking, major sleep
disorders, insomnia, paranoia.</i>

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<i>I remember walking out
of that facility,</i>

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<i>down the steps outside
and feeling,</i>

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"Now I have the name of it."

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It was the beginning of understanding
what had really gone on.

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<i>I was talking to someone
I'd met at UCSF,</i>

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<i>and she said, "Send me the last
two years of the medical records,</i>

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<i>"I'll get them to Dr. Miller and
I know he'll be happy to see you."</i>

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Lewy Body Dementia
is a devastating illness.

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It's a killer. It is fast.
It's progressive.

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I'm looking at how Robin's brain
had been affected.

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I realized that this was
about as devastating form

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of Lewy Body Dementia
as I had ever seen.

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Almost no area
was left unaffected.

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It really amazed me that Robin
could walk or move at all.

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<i>The disease is devastating,</i>

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but even more so
when you realize that

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Robin did not have
a diagnosis.

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He did not know where these
new symptoms were coming from.

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<i>The disease becomes
progressively irreversible,</i>

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unstoppable, uh,
and always fatal, always fatal.

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<i>But cures, we're far away
from those.</i>

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It affects many people and sadly
one of the outcomes is suicide.

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<i>If we'd had the accurate
diagnosis of Lewy Body Dementia,</i>

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that alone would have
given him...

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some peace.

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<i>His soul thrived here.</i>

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<i>He grew up here.
His roots were here.</i>

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I mean, he... he started
in Detroit,

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but he went to school here
in Redwood.

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Robin could live anywhere he wanted
and chose to live in a neighborhood.

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<i>Living in Marin,
which is kind of like, you know,</i>

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<i>north of San Francisco</i>

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<i>it's like, it's the idea of, "This is it.
I don't need to live...</i>

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<i>"I can't. I mean, I don't do well in LA,
if I was living in a gated community."</i>

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And he said, "I want to live
with people. I love people."

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He liked Marin, it's a wonderful,
beautiful place to live.

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<i>He would ride his bikes
every day.</i>

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You ran into him
walking his dog outside

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<i>and you're like, "Oh,
he's a totally normal guy."</i>

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You know, really not that different,
people walking dogs, saying hello.

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<i>He's just trying
to be normal.</i>

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But then on the flip side,
like, he's lived a crazy life.

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<i>You would never know
he was a superstar.</i>

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<i>The Throckmorton
Theatre in Mill Valley</i>

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<i>started doing the Tuesday
Night comedy nights.</i>

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It was just comedy.

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Yet it exploded and partly because
Robin Williams lived down the street.

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<i>So all of a sudden,</i>

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<i>you've got an open mic
more or less on Tuesday</i>

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<i>that's drawing 250 people,
on Tuesday. Every Tuesday.</i>

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The audience would go crazy.

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And Robin would come up
after I already had a show,

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<i>and we would do another
two hours of improv.</i>

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And this would happen
all the time.

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And he literally would just
get up at the end of the night,

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and he would just
crush it with no content.

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Nothing got him off as much as
being in front of a live audience,

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and getting to just free float
and let his brain take him

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<i>where he's going
and react with the audience.</i>

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<i>If someone throws
something in from there,</i>

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or just take what he's saying
and do 300 rifts on that.

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<i>His mind was just so fast.</i>

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Look out there,
there's a little kid out there.

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I saw a three-year-old kid who
could barely use a fork or spoon.

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He's eating, he's eating
blueberries with his hands,

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and all of a sudden someone handed him
an iPhone, he was like...

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When you're playing
with Robin Williams,

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you're not known for how
you neck and neck with him.

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<i>You're not known
for how you beat him.</i>

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You're known for how you
just barely keep up with him.

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Look up here Rick, there's people on the Hills.

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Hi, everybody on the Hills.

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Screaming on the mount.

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- Did Jesus have comedy day?
- Jesus had comedy day.

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I'll be back.

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There'd be improvs
where I'm on stage with Robin,

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and we would sync up,

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<i>and to see that in his eyes,
that twinkle that means we made it.</i>

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It's impossible to describe genius
or comedy really. You can analyze it.

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<i>But I went with him to two days of</i> Aladdin
<i>recording sessions on the Disney lot,</i>

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00:11:59,149 --> 00:12:00,585
<i>and watching him
go back and forth,</i>

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00:12:00,619 --> 00:12:02,253
and do all of these characters.

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Let's blow this popsicle stand!

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A doorstop
would be a fabulous career.

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00:12:06,324 --> 00:12:09,928
Not bad, goodnight, Alex.

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Out of all of every pore
of his being,

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and he was so happy
and joyous.

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Hey. Go get him here, you little crazy guy.

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I don't care
what I am, I'm free.

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Offer void or prohibited by law.

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He goes, "Let's do that again,
I could do that better."

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And they go, "What do you mean
you can do it better?"

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He goes, "No, just let me, just run it
again. I think I have an idea, you know."

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00:12:28,513 --> 00:12:32,184
"You think you have an
idea, good Lord. Oh my God."

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00:12:32,216 --> 00:12:33,417
I think the man has to flow.

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00:12:33,451 --> 00:12:36,287
He has to be able to come in
there and go against the magic.

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He's got his own magic, and he just
hasn't found it in himself yet.

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Unnecessary use of reptile,
500 year penalty.

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<i>Watching these technicians
desperately laughing and crying,</i>

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trying to keep up with him
and not screw up the dials

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while they're witnessing
true brilliance.

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Enough about you. Talk about her.
She's a honey.

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Come on.
Talk about the features.

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Her hair, her eyes, her shoes,

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bee-guiling, bee-witching,
bee-utiful.

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When you're in the room
with Robin, it is full go.

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- Um, thank you.
- Not at all.

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Theodore Roosevelt, 26th president
of these United States of America,

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00:13:12,389 --> 00:13:13,591
at your service.

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00:13:13,624 --> 00:13:17,028
He was a constant spark,

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00:13:17,061 --> 00:13:20,264
comedic spark, idea spark,
throwing in lines,

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00:13:20,297 --> 00:13:22,234
<i>improvising a ton.</i>

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00:13:22,267 --> 00:13:26,271
Some of the biggest laughs are things
that Robin invented on the fly.

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00:13:26,303 --> 00:13:30,608
I remember many, many days where Ben
Stiller and I would look at each other

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00:13:30,642 --> 00:13:35,347
because we're just watching Robin Williams
off the top of his head just go off.

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00:13:35,379 --> 00:13:38,350
And that kind of manic,

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00:13:38,383 --> 00:13:42,321
<i>wildly creative,
bottomless pit of ideas.</i>

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00:13:42,354 --> 00:13:46,191
<i>Um, that mojo, that ability,</i>

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00:13:46,224 --> 00:13:47,993
<i>which was like a superpower.</i>

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00:13:48,026 --> 00:13:49,428
I'd never seen anything like it.

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Let go.

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00:13:55,100 --> 00:13:57,970
<i>The thing to know about
the brain is that it's not static.</i>

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00:13:58,003 --> 00:13:59,672
<i>The connections
are always changing.</i>

221
00:14:00,305 --> 00:14:02,507
We call it neuroplasticity.

222
00:14:02,540 --> 00:14:04,376
So you have someone
who has a stroke,

223
00:14:04,408 --> 00:14:07,244
a part of the brain is damaged,
it's not coming back.

224
00:14:07,277 --> 00:14:09,013
Some of those patients
get completely better

225
00:14:09,047 --> 00:14:12,283
because the brain rewires,
it has this resilience.

226
00:14:12,316 --> 00:14:15,519
And the determinants of resilience,
we don't quite understand.

227
00:14:15,552 --> 00:14:18,489
<i>But high intellectual abilities
to begin with,</i>

228
00:14:18,523 --> 00:14:21,726
seem to go along
with that kind of resilience.

229
00:14:22,793 --> 00:14:26,063
<i>People who have
great brains,</i>

230
00:14:26,096 --> 00:14:30,167
<i>who are incredibly brilliant,
can tolerate degenerative diseases</i>

231
00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:33,305
<i>better than someone
who is average.</i>

232
00:14:33,338 --> 00:14:37,142
<i>The concept of reserve,
Robin Williams was a genius.</i>

233
00:14:42,814 --> 00:14:46,218
<i>Robin was brilliant,
he just knew things.</i>

234
00:14:46,250 --> 00:14:50,521
<i>But besides that, his...
his extrasensory perception</i>

235
00:14:50,555 --> 00:14:53,291
<i>of life and of people
and of me,</i>

236
00:14:53,324 --> 00:14:55,227
<i>he was a master at that.</i>

237
00:15:01,398 --> 00:15:04,068
<i>You could track it back
to two years before he left.</i>

238
00:15:06,104 --> 00:15:08,239
<i>We'd go to the Throckmorton
all the time.</i>

239
00:15:08,273 --> 00:15:10,408
<i>He always had
an open invitation to go on.</i>

240
00:15:10,441 --> 00:15:12,744
<i>And what started to happen
at around two years</i>

241
00:15:12,777 --> 00:15:17,449
<i>is he started to feel, um,
like he didn't want to go on.</i>

242
00:15:19,216 --> 00:15:21,552
<i>He just wasn't as eager</i>

243
00:15:21,585 --> 00:15:25,190
to, uh, meet with people
backstage,

244
00:15:25,223 --> 00:15:27,225
or hang out too long
in the green room.

245
00:15:27,258 --> 00:15:31,662
It was getting a little bit
briefer and he didn't, um,

246
00:15:31,696 --> 00:15:37,335
he just... there were more insecurities
cropping up for him about going onstage.

247
00:15:37,368 --> 00:15:40,472
There were a couple of shows where
I was expecting Robin to be there,

248
00:15:40,504 --> 00:15:43,408
and he didn't make it
for one reason or another.

249
00:15:45,442 --> 00:15:48,479
So that... that confidence
that he had,

250
00:15:48,513 --> 00:15:52,350
and the ability
to go on and play...

251
00:15:52,383 --> 00:15:55,821
<i>He just wasn't willing to go there as
much anymore, it was starting to lessen.</i>

252
00:15:55,854 --> 00:15:58,757
<i>That was concerning.
Something's off.</i>

253
00:16:02,627 --> 00:16:05,430
Someone is seemingly performing

254
00:16:05,463 --> 00:16:08,633
just as they had, you know,
for years and years,

255
00:16:08,666 --> 00:16:11,503
and then all of a sudden there's
some very strange thing that happens,

256
00:16:11,536 --> 00:16:14,773
uh, and that raises concern,

257
00:16:14,806 --> 00:16:16,740
but then the next day
they're okay again.

258
00:16:16,773 --> 00:16:21,345
And then over time those dips
become deeper and deeper,

259
00:16:21,378 --> 00:16:25,683
and we have these fluctuations,
especially in the beginning.

260
00:16:25,716 --> 00:16:29,253
<i>The last thing they probably think of is
that it's a degenerative brain disease.</i>

261
00:16:32,624 --> 00:16:37,162
After that, things were...
just, life was busy, you know.

262
00:16:37,195 --> 00:16:40,331
<i>He was working so hard
on</i> The Crazy Ones <i>at that time,</i>

263
00:16:40,364 --> 00:16:42,734
<i>and it was getting
more and more difficult for him</i>

264
00:16:42,767 --> 00:16:44,102
to remember his lines,

265
00:16:44,134 --> 00:16:47,471
<i>and he was getting more and more
insecure about his performance.</i>

266
00:16:47,504 --> 00:16:49,072
Mark!

267
00:16:49,106 --> 00:16:51,809
<i>I know that he was
sometimes having trouble with his lines,</i>

268
00:16:51,843 --> 00:16:53,277
and stuff up front,

269
00:16:53,311 --> 00:16:58,150
<i>but he was really always able to
power through and be that guy.</i>

270
00:16:58,182 --> 00:16:59,884
<i>And once you hit editorial,</i>

271
00:16:59,917 --> 00:17:04,523
you'd find the Robin Williams that
you know and love was always there.

272
00:17:04,555 --> 00:17:07,458
I proposed we redo
that 1972 spot,

273
00:17:07,492 --> 00:17:09,360
and take a chance
of making people feel.

274
00:17:09,394 --> 00:17:12,797
For my projects, we... we really
stick to the script,

275
00:17:12,830 --> 00:17:15,900
but when you have
Robin Williams,

276
00:17:15,934 --> 00:17:19,937
it would be folly not to let
him do whatever he wants to do.

277
00:17:19,971 --> 00:17:21,573
- And take.
- Boss.

278
00:17:21,606 --> 00:17:23,808
Secret sauce.

279
00:17:23,840 --> 00:17:25,944
<i>♪ Drive through lovin'</i>

280
00:17:25,976 --> 00:17:27,711
<i>♪ Drive Drive through lovin' ♪</i>

281
00:17:27,744 --> 00:17:29,548
Booty shake, booty shake,
booty shake, booty shake.

282
00:17:29,580 --> 00:17:31,349
You didn't give me
enough ketchup...

283
00:17:31,381 --> 00:17:33,851
- Packets.
- Oh, my God.

284
00:17:33,885 --> 00:17:35,520
<i>So every take
would be different.</i>

285
00:17:35,552 --> 00:17:38,223
Uh, ad libs
and these comic nuggets

286
00:17:38,255 --> 00:17:41,692
would come from Mars
or somewhere in Robin's head.

287
00:17:41,725 --> 00:17:45,263
But a lot of them were gold.

288
00:17:45,295 --> 00:17:48,566
<i>So, I think that he was
maybe a little slower out of the gate,</i>

289
00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:50,334
<i>but he finished strong.</i>

290
00:17:50,368 --> 00:17:52,503
He'd managed to, kind of,
power through it.

291
00:17:52,536 --> 00:17:55,306
He'd get up
and he'd become this guy

292
00:17:55,340 --> 00:17:57,576
that you knew,
remembered and loved.

293
00:17:57,609 --> 00:17:59,878
- Can you be serious?
- Well, maybe for a second.

294
00:17:59,910 --> 00:18:02,446
No, see... Sorry.

295
00:18:02,480 --> 00:18:04,916
<i>It's not easy
to do a network television show,</i>

296
00:18:04,948 --> 00:18:07,418
on top of that
he had <i>Night at the Museum,</i>

297
00:18:07,452 --> 00:18:10,755
<i>and you know,
he's, he's doing double duty.</i>

298
00:18:10,788 --> 00:18:12,991
<i>The third movie,
the last movie,</i>

299
00:18:13,023 --> 00:18:15,793
I would say, a month
into the shoot,

300
00:18:15,827 --> 00:18:19,330
it was clear to me, it was clear
to all of us on that set

301
00:18:19,363 --> 00:18:22,466
that something was going on
with Robin.

302
00:18:22,500 --> 00:18:25,737
That's an experience
that I've not spoken about,

303
00:18:25,770 --> 00:18:30,275
um, publicly ever.

304
00:18:30,308 --> 00:18:35,647
We saw that Robin was struggling
in a way that he hadn't before.

305
00:18:35,679 --> 00:18:38,850
To remember lines,
and to combine

306
00:18:38,882 --> 00:18:41,852
<i>the right words
with the performance.</i>

307
00:18:41,886 --> 00:18:45,290
You know, when Robin would call me at
ten at night, at two in the morning,

308
00:18:45,322 --> 00:18:47,725
at four in the morning saying,

309
00:18:47,759 --> 00:18:51,896
"Is it usable? Is any of this usable?
Do I suck? What's going on?"

310
00:18:51,928 --> 00:18:54,265
I would reassure him.

311
00:18:54,299 --> 00:18:56,901
<i>And so I said,
"You are still you.</i>

312
00:18:56,934 --> 00:19:01,505
"I know it, the world knows it.
You just need to remember that."

313
00:19:02,506 --> 00:19:04,475
<i>My faith in him never left.</i>

314
00:19:04,509 --> 00:19:08,046
<i>But I saw
his morale crumbling.</i>

315
00:19:08,079 --> 00:19:13,585
I saw a guy who wasn't himself and
he thought that was unforgivable.

316
00:19:16,353 --> 00:19:19,290
<i>Lewy Body Dementia
is particularly tragic</i>

317
00:19:19,323 --> 00:19:22,494
in the way that
it increases anxiety,

318
00:19:22,526 --> 00:19:25,929
increases self-doubt,
causes delusions,

319
00:19:25,963 --> 00:19:29,501
misbeliefs that have never been
present in someone.

320
00:19:29,533 --> 00:19:31,936
<i>And imagine how hard
that is for someone</i>

321
00:19:31,968 --> 00:19:34,672
<i>who doesn't even realize
that they're suffering</i>

322
00:19:34,705 --> 00:19:36,675
from a degenerative disease,

323
00:19:36,707 --> 00:19:39,410
something that is slowly
taking away

324
00:19:39,444 --> 00:19:41,812
the function of neurons
across the brain.

325
00:19:46,583 --> 00:19:48,419
<i>I think the thing
that made Robin most special</i>

326
00:19:48,453 --> 00:19:51,489
about this spectrum
of abilities he had,

327
00:19:51,522 --> 00:19:53,792
was the solid guy
in the middle.

328
00:19:53,824 --> 00:19:55,426
That's who you are in the middle
of all that other stuff.

329
00:19:55,459 --> 00:19:56,927
These things come and go,
who are you?

330
00:19:57,328 --> 00:19:58,664
Do you stay you?

331
00:19:59,763 --> 00:20:01,532
You know, what will you become?

332
00:20:05,770 --> 00:20:08,874
<i>We met on the day
he arrived in New York City.</i>

333
00:20:11,676 --> 00:20:16,648
<i>I remember really he was different.
I could see the beginnings.</i>

334
00:20:16,680 --> 00:20:20,351
<i>Robin and Christopher Reeve
came into my third year class</i>

335
00:20:20,385 --> 00:20:22,686
<i>at Julliard
as advanced students.</i>

336
00:20:22,719 --> 00:20:25,823
Christopher was my roommate
and Robin became very quickly,

337
00:20:25,857 --> 00:20:28,059
my very best friend
that I ever had.

338
00:20:28,091 --> 00:20:31,428
<i>Yeah, we're hippies from space
and he's an Ivy League preppy.</i>

339
00:20:31,462 --> 00:20:34,799
<i>But I'm telling you,
the three of us had some good times.</i>

340
00:20:34,831 --> 00:20:38,736
<i>He wasn't a comedian back then,
he was a very serious actor.</i>

341
00:20:38,770 --> 00:20:40,272
<i>I went to New York,
and went to Julliard,</i>

342
00:20:40,304 --> 00:20:44,441
which was, you know, classical training,
but very much to be a thespian.

343
00:20:44,475 --> 00:20:46,811
For me it was a wonderful thing,
number one to be in New York,

344
00:20:46,843 --> 00:20:49,713
the training and also to get
that type of training

345
00:20:49,746 --> 00:20:53,150
where you get the combination
of classical and the hardcore.

346
00:20:53,184 --> 00:20:55,954
<i>And he was
so believable, visually,</i>

347
00:20:55,986 --> 00:20:59,890
but it's the way he used
his voice, man, he was amazing.

348
00:20:59,924 --> 00:21:02,860
And it blew the faculty's mind
as well as the students.

349
00:21:02,894 --> 00:21:04,596
<i>But he was always funny.</i>

350
00:21:04,628 --> 00:21:06,497
<i>We'd be rehearsing lines,
and he would go off,</i>

351
00:21:06,531 --> 00:21:09,734
"My liege, thou a coxcomb,
thou knowest not."

352
00:21:09,766 --> 00:21:12,070
And he would make up lines
in iambic pentameter,

353
00:21:12,102 --> 00:21:16,941
but of course, you know, R rated
lines, X-rated lines. It was hilarious.

354
00:21:17,908 --> 00:21:19,910
<i>It was hard for him</i>

355
00:21:19,944 --> 00:21:24,416
<i>because there was a lot of politics
going on at Julliard in that time.</i>

356
00:21:24,448 --> 00:21:27,418
He left at the two-thirds
of the way through that year.

357
00:21:30,955 --> 00:21:32,890
<i>I would go back
to San Francisco,</i>

358
00:21:32,924 --> 00:21:35,093
<i>and try and find acting work,</i>

359
00:21:35,126 --> 00:21:37,061
and then took up
stand-up comedy as a...

360
00:21:37,093 --> 00:21:39,797
- <i>Right.</i>
- <i>'Cause I couldn't find acting work.</i>

361
00:21:39,830 --> 00:21:42,734
<i>The Holy City Zoo was the
club house for all the comedians.</i>

362
00:21:44,167 --> 00:21:45,936
<i>If you could get on a set,</i>

363
00:21:45,969 --> 00:21:49,540
<i>when Robin was promising
to be there that night,</i>

364
00:21:49,573 --> 00:21:51,810
<i>you were gold.
They packed the place.</i>

365
00:21:51,842 --> 00:21:54,678
Ladies and gentlemen,
Robin Williams.

366
00:21:57,247 --> 00:22:01,852
He drained every scintilla
of laughter out of that crowd.

367
00:22:01,886 --> 00:22:05,590
<i>When he did that
crazy stuff he did on stage,</i>

368
00:22:05,622 --> 00:22:08,625
I think it let everybody else
say, "Well, heck!" you know.

369
00:22:08,658 --> 00:22:11,929
<i>Told everybody else, "Yes.
Crazy stuff is acceptable."</i>

370
00:22:11,963 --> 00:22:13,598
<i>Robin is doing
this in the '70s.</i>

371
00:22:13,630 --> 00:22:16,167
I mean ten, 15, 20 years
in some cases

372
00:22:16,199 --> 00:22:18,969
<i>before some of this
is happening elsewhere.</i>

373
00:22:19,003 --> 00:22:21,473
<i>He even came down to
Hollywood and got up on stage</i>

374
00:22:21,505 --> 00:22:22,806
at The Comedy Store
and the Improv

375
00:22:22,840 --> 00:22:24,975
and it was like a landmine
hit them, yeah.

376
00:22:25,009 --> 00:22:27,178
I am not a tuna.

377
00:22:27,211 --> 00:22:31,082
I am not a tuna.
Is anyone here tonight on drugs?

378
00:22:31,115 --> 00:22:33,751
- Yeah!
- Okay.

379
00:22:33,783 --> 00:22:37,088
A quick test right now if you
are it's okay.

380
00:22:37,120 --> 00:22:40,624
Come here just a sec,
dear brother.

381
00:22:40,657 --> 00:22:43,895
The Reverend likes this stuff here.

382
00:22:43,927 --> 00:22:45,964
<i>He was performing
at the Comedy Store,</i>

383
00:22:45,996 --> 00:22:47,532
<i>and he was hilarious.</i>

384
00:22:47,564 --> 00:22:50,567
And I just watched him
and I walked backstage,

385
00:22:50,600 --> 00:22:53,537
and he was sitting on the steps
behind the stage.

386
00:22:53,571 --> 00:22:55,572
<i>I saw him sitting alone.</i>

387
00:22:55,606 --> 00:22:58,109
<i>It seemed so extraordinary
to watch a guy</i>

388
00:22:58,141 --> 00:23:00,143
<i>completely demolish
an audience,</i>

389
00:23:00,176 --> 00:23:04,215
<i>and then seem so distanced
from what he had just done.</i>

390
00:23:04,247 --> 00:23:08,051
<i>No celebration,
just, like, exhausted</i>

391
00:23:08,084 --> 00:23:10,054
<i>from pouring out
so much energy.</i>

392
00:23:17,227 --> 00:23:18,629
<i>I got a phone call.</i>

393
00:23:19,763 --> 00:23:21,599
It was Robin.

394
00:23:21,631 --> 00:23:26,070
<i>He was up in Vancouver and he was
working on</i> Night at the Museum 3,

395
00:23:26,102 --> 00:23:28,872
<i>and he was...
he was having a panic attack,</i>

396
00:23:28,906 --> 00:23:31,676
<i>and he could not
calm himself down.</i>

397
00:23:31,708 --> 00:23:33,777
<i>He's having such a struggle...</i>

398
00:23:35,745 --> 00:23:37,247
remembering just one line.

399
00:23:37,281 --> 00:23:40,918
- Your life depended on me.
- Say that. It wasn't enough that you took a...

400
00:23:40,952 --> 00:23:42,587
<i>He got very frustrated.</i>

401
00:23:42,619 --> 00:23:46,991
I remember him saying to me,
"I'm not me anymore.

402
00:23:47,023 --> 00:23:49,694
"I don't know what's going on.
I'm not me anymore."

403
00:23:49,726 --> 00:23:53,931
<i>His mind was not firing
at the same speed.</i>

404
00:23:53,965 --> 00:23:58,669
That spark was diminished.

405
00:23:58,703 --> 00:24:01,973
<i>Uh, the joy was sometimes
not there.</i>

406
00:24:04,074 --> 00:24:06,544
I had to work harder
editorially,

407
00:24:07,111 --> 00:24:09,046
to create it on screen

408
00:24:09,080 --> 00:24:11,883
because it wasn't always there
in the same way on set.

409
00:24:11,916 --> 00:24:13,083
And I didn't resent that,

410
00:24:13,117 --> 00:24:16,788
it was more taxing, it took
a lot more time and energy,

411
00:24:16,821 --> 00:24:18,356
but if that's what
my guy needed,

412
00:24:18,388 --> 00:24:19,991
then that's what
I was gonna give my guy.

413
00:24:23,293 --> 00:24:26,330
<i>The one thing
that did bother me was the arm.</i>

414
00:24:26,363 --> 00:24:31,268
I'd frequently see him clutching his
hand close to his chest a little bit,

415
00:24:31,301 --> 00:24:34,973
<i>or he'd put it in his pocket
and kind of mask certain things.</i>

416
00:24:35,906 --> 00:24:37,809
We knew that he was fragile,

417
00:24:37,841 --> 00:24:42,714
and the deal was sometimes
we had to let Robin be alone,

418
00:24:42,746 --> 00:24:45,048
take a minute, catch his breath,

419
00:24:45,081 --> 00:24:48,252
particularly at the end
of shooting.

420
00:24:48,284 --> 00:24:51,723
Uh, the last time
I was with him, I was on set.

421
00:24:51,755 --> 00:24:56,226
We were doing, shooting
a, uh, scene in a church,

422
00:24:56,260 --> 00:24:58,296
<i>it was called Glory of Love.</i>

423
00:24:58,329 --> 00:25:01,832
Thought I saw the box move!

424
00:25:01,866 --> 00:25:06,371
And we had a room for him where he
could, uh, go between takes,

425
00:25:06,404 --> 00:25:09,340
<i>and I went into that room,</i>

426
00:25:09,372 --> 00:25:12,275
<i>we talked a little bit
about the scene,</i>

427
00:25:12,309 --> 00:25:17,348
and, um, he asked
a few times, um,

428
00:25:17,380 --> 00:25:19,883
"How's it going? Is it working?"

429
00:25:19,917 --> 00:25:24,722
Um, but the subtext of it was,
"How am I doing? Am I working?"

430
00:25:24,754 --> 00:25:28,225
His sense of security
and confidence,

431
00:25:28,259 --> 00:25:30,228
and who he was
and what he was,

432
00:25:30,261 --> 00:25:32,930
it was something
eroding within him.

433
00:25:32,963 --> 00:25:34,298
<i>We didn't know why.</i>

434
00:25:34,330 --> 00:25:36,167
- You know, you got to give a little.
- Yeah.

435
00:25:36,199 --> 00:25:37,801
<i>'Cause we knew
he was getting tested.</i>

436
00:25:37,834 --> 00:25:41,872
He was feeling, um, infirm,
or not himself,

437
00:25:41,906 --> 00:25:44,175
and he was getting tested,
and I think

438
00:25:44,207 --> 00:25:48,178
that those tests included brain
scans and nothing was showing up.

439
00:25:49,346 --> 00:25:52,784
<i>It wasn't like
he's my son, and I can say,</i>

440
00:25:52,817 --> 00:25:55,019
<i>"All right, timeout.</i>

441
00:25:55,051 --> 00:25:58,790
"I'm going to pull you out of
this because you're getting sick,

442
00:25:58,822 --> 00:26:01,458
"and you need some rest.
And I don't care what the teachers say."

443
00:26:01,492 --> 00:26:03,327
No, no, no.

444
00:26:03,359 --> 00:26:05,830
<i>He's signed up.
These are contracts you don't break.</i>

445
00:26:05,862 --> 00:26:07,364
<i>This is this, this
and the other thing. There's...</i>

446
00:26:09,300 --> 00:26:11,202
What can I do?

447
00:26:11,234 --> 00:26:14,205
<i>And Robin,
he aimed to please every day,</i>

448
00:26:14,237 --> 00:26:16,039
<i>every minute,
he aimed to please.</i>

449
00:26:16,072 --> 00:26:18,775
If the studio or the network
came begging

450
00:26:18,809 --> 00:26:24,081
for more interviews and more publicity,
he would always give it his all.

451
00:26:24,115 --> 00:26:29,287
<i>His intellect and his mental
acumen were so beyond ours</i>

452
00:26:29,320 --> 00:26:32,889
that it could be compromised
a great deal probably,

453
00:26:32,923 --> 00:26:36,928
and he would still be playing
a step ahead of the rest of us.

454
00:26:36,961 --> 00:26:41,199
- How much of the script in the show is you...
- 23.5% improv.

455
00:26:41,232 --> 00:26:43,468
- Good. That's exactly what I wanted...
- 23.5.

456
00:26:43,501 --> 00:26:45,802
- She hasn't finished the question here, Robin.
- But I knew where she was going.

457
00:26:45,836 --> 00:26:50,341
- Oh, okay.
- You dancing? There's one dance number and it's a ballet.

458
00:26:51,475 --> 00:26:55,346
So Lewy Body Dementia,
like all degenerative diseases

459
00:26:55,378 --> 00:26:58,949
is a problem
of plumbing and circuitry.

460
00:26:58,983 --> 00:27:01,351
These degenerative diseases
are caused

461
00:27:01,385 --> 00:27:04,955
by misfolding of proteins
within neurons,

462
00:27:04,988 --> 00:27:08,992
or the parts of the brain that
allow us to move, think and feel.

463
00:27:10,927 --> 00:27:13,430
<i>We have 70 billion neurons.</i>

464
00:27:13,464 --> 00:27:16,501
<i>They slowly disintegrate.</i>

465
00:27:16,533 --> 00:27:21,238
<i>This bad protein alpha-synuclein
relentlessly picks off neurons</i>

466
00:27:21,272 --> 00:27:25,376
in a specific neighborhood,
spreading through that neighborhood,

467
00:27:25,408 --> 00:27:29,781
and then moves into different
neighborhoods in the brain.

468
00:27:29,813 --> 00:27:33,383
<i>And then finally it's swept
across the entire brainstem,</i>

469
00:27:33,417 --> 00:27:36,821
almost every neuron
in that circuit

470
00:27:36,853 --> 00:27:42,125
with sleep, mood, anxiety,
cognition has been affected,

471
00:27:42,158 --> 00:27:46,129
and that is really the late stage
of dementia with Lewy Bodies.

472
00:27:46,163 --> 00:27:49,067
The stage that no one
can get out of.

473
00:27:58,509 --> 00:28:01,579
<i>Soldiers have
very refined bull detectors,</i>

474
00:28:01,611 --> 00:28:05,015
and to see that
instantaneous connection

475
00:28:05,049 --> 00:28:06,885
that Robin was able to make.

476
00:28:09,186 --> 00:28:12,356
Good evening, Baghdad!

477
00:28:12,388 --> 00:28:13,357
Thank you.

478
00:28:13,389 --> 00:28:17,561
What he understood
about the American soldier

479
00:28:17,594 --> 00:28:20,864
was where they came from.

480
00:28:20,898 --> 00:28:23,600
<i>Some of these kids are dying,
they're getting wounded.</i>

481
00:28:23,634 --> 00:28:26,437
<i>He had a way of connecting
with them</i>

482
00:28:26,469 --> 00:28:29,373
that just made them
feel so good.

483
00:28:30,640 --> 00:28:32,442
<i>He was there for them,</i>

484
00:28:32,475 --> 00:28:34,878
and they understood that.

485
00:28:34,911 --> 00:28:38,148
<i>There's combat, hardcore stuff
and then it's a lot of waiting around,</i>

486
00:28:38,182 --> 00:28:40,117
<i>and it's that stuff
where people need</i>

487
00:28:40,149 --> 00:28:42,919
things just to fight the boredom,
and that is most important.

488
00:28:42,953 --> 00:28:47,157
And I think most people are just shocked that
someone showed up. Like, "Why are you here man?"

489
00:28:50,526 --> 00:28:53,864
Afghanistan, six times,
Iraq, five. Yeah, it's crazy.

490
00:28:53,898 --> 00:28:56,434
And you haven't fixed it yet. That's disappointing

491
00:28:56,466 --> 00:28:58,535
You know, from going there,
that's the best audiences in the world.

492
00:29:04,174 --> 00:29:06,109
<i>I do have a story.</i>

493
00:29:06,142 --> 00:29:08,412
I've...
I've got a ton of them.

494
00:29:10,546 --> 00:29:13,416
<i>A young man
was very seriously injured,</i>

495
00:29:13,449 --> 00:29:17,254
<i>and his girlfriend had decided
it was just a little bit</i>

496
00:29:17,288 --> 00:29:18,656
<i>too much for her to handle,</i>

497
00:29:18,688 --> 00:29:22,560
and she had just left
and she was not coming back.

498
00:29:22,592 --> 00:29:26,096
She was on her way
to the airport.

499
00:29:26,129 --> 00:29:32,203
<i>So we walked in and you could tell
that he was in, um, in despair.</i>

500
00:29:32,235 --> 00:29:36,206
<i>And how afraid
that he was, in going forward,</i>

501
00:29:36,240 --> 00:29:38,643
that he would never
have another girlfriend,

502
00:29:38,676 --> 00:29:42,280
you know, about what his life
was going to be like.

503
00:29:42,312 --> 00:29:47,484
And, um, Robin pulled up
his chair right beside his bed

504
00:29:47,517 --> 00:29:50,921
<i>and started talking about fear.</i>

505
00:29:50,955 --> 00:29:53,357
<i>He went into some
very personal things.</i>

506
00:29:53,389 --> 00:29:56,026
<i>I think we probably
stayed an hour and a half.</i>

507
00:29:56,060 --> 00:29:58,596
<i>And, you know, we walked out,</i>

508
00:29:58,628 --> 00:30:02,433
and, um, Robin actually said,

509
00:30:02,465 --> 00:30:04,368
<i>"Boy, that was a tough one."</i>

510
00:30:04,400 --> 00:30:09,039
He said, "Because for all of us,
confronting our fears

511
00:30:09,072 --> 00:30:11,708
"is a very difficult thing
to do."

512
00:30:11,742 --> 00:30:15,280
And he said, "I'm sure nobody ever
thinks I'm afraid of anything."

513
00:30:17,380 --> 00:30:21,118
<i>That was a big topic
of conversation.</i>

514
00:30:21,150 --> 00:30:23,486
<i>Was their spouse
going to stay with them?</i>

515
00:30:23,520 --> 00:30:26,991
<i>Were people going to be
looking at them differently?</i>

516
00:30:27,023 --> 00:30:29,627
<i>He actually talked
about those kinds of things.</i>

517
00:30:29,659 --> 00:30:34,298
He was willing to sit and talk
about some of his own fears.

518
00:30:36,734 --> 00:30:40,571
And, um, I'll never forget
one day and he said,

519
00:30:40,603 --> 00:30:42,305
"Oh, Elaine,
that was a tough one."

520
00:30:42,339 --> 00:30:44,642
And he said,
"He doesn't know that,

521
00:30:44,675 --> 00:30:49,213
"but I have been so close to what
he was talking about myself."

522
00:31:00,057 --> 00:31:02,493
<i>It was early May
and he came home,</i>

523
00:31:02,525 --> 00:31:07,330
<i>and it was like a plane
coming in with no landing gear.</i>

524
00:31:07,363 --> 00:31:12,369
His resources
were just... spent.

525
00:31:12,403 --> 00:31:15,606
<i>We were supposed to go
to some friends and, um,</i>

526
00:31:15,638 --> 00:31:18,443
<i>Robin couldn't,
he couldn't get out of bed.</i>

527
00:31:20,711 --> 00:31:24,181
<i>It was becoming more
of a normal that,</i>

528
00:31:24,214 --> 00:31:25,416
"Robin is not feeling well.

529
00:31:27,350 --> 00:31:30,654
"And I can't tell you why.

530
00:31:30,686 --> 00:31:32,255
"We're just gonna stay home."

531
00:31:32,789 --> 00:31:34,993
<i>His delusional looping</i>

532
00:31:36,260 --> 00:31:37,996
<i>would just kick in at night.</i>

533
00:31:39,629 --> 00:31:43,633
<i>We'd gone to a birthday party, um,
our dear, dear friend, Mort Sahl.</i>

534
00:31:45,269 --> 00:31:47,138
<i>That night,</i>

535
00:31:47,170 --> 00:31:50,273
<i>Robin was up,
and he started talking about,</i>

536
00:31:50,307 --> 00:31:54,245
<i>he was so afraid that Mort was not
going to make it through the night.</i>

537
00:31:55,745 --> 00:31:58,349
<i>You know, so we started
to have this discussion again.</i>

538
00:31:58,381 --> 00:31:59,716
<i>It's like 12,
one o'clock at night,</i>

539
00:31:59,750 --> 00:32:02,053
<i>and it goes to like
3:30 in the morning.</i>

540
00:32:02,086 --> 00:32:04,388
<i>And I mean, it goes,
we're covering all the bases</i>

541
00:32:04,420 --> 00:32:08,491
because he's convinced that he
should go to Mort's house right now,

542
00:32:08,524 --> 00:32:09,761
and make sure he's okay.

543
00:32:11,794 --> 00:32:14,164
<i>That night
he was texting Mort, like,</i>

544
00:32:14,197 --> 00:32:17,667
<i>"Are you okay? Are you okay?" And
Mort's asleep, most likely, you know.</i>

545
00:32:17,701 --> 00:32:20,704
And so because he wasn't getting
a response from Mort

546
00:32:20,736 --> 00:32:23,474
at two o'clock in the morning,
he wanted to go there.

547
00:32:25,641 --> 00:32:29,112
<i>So this was a typical night
for us.</i>

548
00:32:31,380 --> 00:32:33,249
<i>There is something wrong.</i>

549
00:32:33,282 --> 00:32:35,586
<i>There is something
not right here.</i>

550
00:32:40,189 --> 00:32:42,526
<i>And he said, "I just want
to reboot my brain.</i>

551
00:32:43,726 --> 00:32:45,595
<i>"I just want
to reboot my brain."</i>

552
00:32:52,769 --> 00:32:55,573
We started to see some physical
things happening to him,

553
00:32:55,606 --> 00:32:58,509
and he was trying to hide it with
his arm and things like that.

554
00:32:58,542 --> 00:32:59,644
So we started to see it.

555
00:33:01,044 --> 00:33:04,414
<i>One point,
he came up and he was in a tee shirt.</i>

556
00:33:04,447 --> 00:33:06,783
His ribs were actually showing.

557
00:33:06,817 --> 00:33:11,289
I grabbed his skin.
"Robin, you're really getting thin."

558
00:33:12,688 --> 00:33:15,658
He said, "Yeah, boss,
I've gone to the doctor,

559
00:33:15,692 --> 00:33:18,561
<i>"but I don't know what it is."</i>

560
00:33:18,594 --> 00:33:20,630
<i>When he came to a party,
and we were all there,</i>

561
00:33:20,664 --> 00:33:24,602
the comedians were,
they were flummoxed,

562
00:33:24,635 --> 00:33:27,204
they were overwhelmed.

563
00:33:27,236 --> 00:33:31,641
And he was off lurking
in the corners alone.

564
00:33:31,675 --> 00:33:34,177
<i>I mean, can you imagine, you're at
a party and you're, "Where's Robin?"</i>

565
00:33:34,211 --> 00:33:37,481
<i>And you look and he's over in the
corner fiddling around with a bush,</i>

566
00:33:37,513 --> 00:33:40,184
<i>or something like,
well, this is not good.</i>

567
00:33:41,517 --> 00:33:45,155
He was suffering
and you could tell it.

568
00:33:45,188 --> 00:33:48,359
<i>I tried to get him to go
to a James Taylor concert with us,</i>

569
00:33:48,391 --> 00:33:49,893
and he says,
"I don't think I can."

570
00:33:49,926 --> 00:33:52,396
I go, "I mean, I know you're tired,
but I'll drive and I'll come get you.

571
00:33:52,428 --> 00:33:53,898
"And we have the tickets
and it's on me."

572
00:33:53,930 --> 00:33:56,199
And he goes, "No, I don't think
I can leave the house."

573
00:33:56,233 --> 00:33:59,637
<i>And that kind of, scared me
a little bit, you know,</i>

574
00:33:59,669 --> 00:34:03,206
<i>'cause he was serious
and I go, "Okay."</i>

575
00:34:03,240 --> 00:34:06,911
And I didn't really press him on it,
but I mean, he was leveling with me

576
00:34:06,944 --> 00:34:08,779
that "I don't think I could
leave my house right now."

577
00:34:10,214 --> 00:34:11,949
And his speech patterns
changed a little bit

578
00:34:11,982 --> 00:34:14,485
that I don't know how to...
It's hard for me to talk about it.

579
00:34:14,518 --> 00:34:15,985
<i>I knew there was something
going on.</i>

580
00:34:16,020 --> 00:34:19,757
<i>I spoke with Robin almost
every day or text and stuff,</i>

581
00:34:19,790 --> 00:34:22,326
I witnessed
his processing reality

582
00:34:22,359 --> 00:34:25,696
completely different
than the way everybody else.

583
00:34:25,728 --> 00:34:27,598
<i>And it just, the only reason
I talk about that</i>

584
00:34:27,630 --> 00:34:31,668
is his brain
was giving him misinformation.

585
00:34:31,701 --> 00:34:33,270
Complete misinformation.

586
00:34:41,511 --> 00:34:45,917
<i>Going from where Robin
and I had our world together,</i>

587
00:34:46,484 --> 00:34:49,386
<i>that was our sanctuary.</i>

588
00:34:49,418 --> 00:34:51,688
<i>Oh, it's so lovely to see
that you're so happy and everything.</i>

589
00:34:51,721 --> 00:34:52,924
<i>How did the two of you meet?</i>

590
00:34:54,891 --> 00:34:57,461
Seriously,
outside an Apple store.

591
00:34:58,929 --> 00:35:00,397
<i>It was a busy Saturday.</i>

592
00:35:00,431 --> 00:35:04,335
<i>I had to go to the Apple store,
and I start heading to the back,</i>

593
00:35:04,368 --> 00:35:07,670
and I see this man
dressed in camo.

594
00:35:07,703 --> 00:35:11,641
He was just smiling at me and I thought,
"I think that's Robin Williams."

595
00:35:14,710 --> 00:35:17,214
And I thought, "All right,
I'm just gonna go and say hi."

596
00:35:20,016 --> 00:35:23,419
I had camo pants on and she said,
"How's that camo working for you?"

597
00:35:23,453 --> 00:35:25,788
"Really good, obviously,
you saw it."

598
00:35:25,822 --> 00:35:29,893
<i>We just started talking and we
had the connection of 12 step stuff.</i>

599
00:35:29,926 --> 00:35:34,697
You know, we both had crazy drug and
alcohol days earlier in our lives.

600
00:35:34,730 --> 00:35:37,267
<i>He knew enough information
to be able to find me,</i>

601
00:35:37,301 --> 00:35:39,904
<i>if he wanted to, you know,
I'm one of the regular 12 step meetings.</i>

602
00:35:40,871 --> 00:35:42,740
<i>The next Tuesday night,</i>

603
00:35:42,772 --> 00:35:45,742
<i>I was at my regular thing.</i>

604
00:35:45,775 --> 00:35:47,777
<i>I looked around the room, I didn't see him.
I thought, "Oh, well."</i>

605
00:35:47,810 --> 00:35:50,780
<i>Midway through the meeting
I turned around,</i>

606
00:35:50,813 --> 00:35:53,917
and, uh, there he...
there he was in the back of the room.

607
00:35:53,949 --> 00:35:56,986
Then I turned around real quick and
thought, "Oh my God, he's here."

608
00:35:57,020 --> 00:35:59,523
<i>Well, it was, kind of sweet
and then I was like off and running.</i>

609
00:35:59,556 --> 00:36:00,657
<i>It was wonderful.</i>

610
00:36:00,690 --> 00:36:04,895
He told me he met this girl,
and she knocked him out.

611
00:36:04,927 --> 00:36:06,663
<i>Well, he told me
he was in love.</i>

612
00:36:06,697 --> 00:36:09,367
<i>You know, men don't usually
say that to each other.</i>

613
00:36:30,554 --> 00:36:34,391
My partner in crime who we've been
walking clean and sober together,

614
00:36:34,424 --> 00:36:39,996
and enjoying all the rawness and
authenticity of life together.

615
00:36:40,029 --> 00:36:42,765
Like here. This is Susan and
Robin and it was great you know.

616
00:36:42,799 --> 00:36:47,003
It was like a, "I'm going to raise up.
Let me lift myself up to love."

617
00:36:54,511 --> 00:37:00,351
We just had a theme, a way of
approaching life that was so in sync.

618
00:37:00,384 --> 00:37:01,886
<i>We just were like
two little kids.</i>

619
00:37:06,857 --> 00:37:10,127
<i>We were looking
at the world together,</i>

620
00:37:10,159 --> 00:37:13,029
<i>you know, almost like
through each other's eyes.</i>

621
00:37:14,831 --> 00:37:16,734
<i>That was like having
a best friend, you know,</i>

622
00:37:16,766 --> 00:37:18,768
<i>where you could really
explore life together.</i>

623
00:37:26,509 --> 00:37:28,378
<i>Yeah, we dated
for about four years.</i>

624
00:37:28,411 --> 00:37:32,616
We'd had promise rings that
we'd worn for a year already.

625
00:37:32,648 --> 00:37:36,453
Doesn't everybody do promise rings?
I don't know.

626
00:37:36,485 --> 00:37:38,054
<i>We knew we wanted
to get married.</i>

627
00:37:42,859 --> 00:37:45,529
<i>October 22nd, 2011,</i>

628
00:37:46,163 --> 00:37:47,665
<i>it was storybook.</i>

629
00:37:48,831 --> 00:37:51,402
Wow. I'm just picturing him.
Um...

630
00:37:51,435 --> 00:37:52,603
He sure looked good.

631
00:37:56,473 --> 00:37:59,844
<i>A part of my wedding vows
was really all about...</i>

632
00:38:00,777 --> 00:38:03,080
<i>loving him as he is.</i>

633
00:38:03,112 --> 00:38:05,382
<i>I've no desire
to change this man.</i>

634
00:38:08,784 --> 00:38:10,487
<i>And you had
your honeymoon in Paris?</i>

635
00:38:10,520 --> 00:38:11,822
- <i>Oh, it was wonderful.</i>
- <i>Yeah?</i>

636
00:38:11,855 --> 00:38:13,956
The great thing is in Paris,
all the paparazzi

637
00:38:13,989 --> 00:38:15,090
are like wildlife
photographers.

638
00:38:15,125 --> 00:38:18,195
Obviously you look over there
like, Robin, kiss her.

639
00:38:18,228 --> 00:38:20,030
Lift up her skirt.
No, get away from me.

640
00:38:20,063 --> 00:38:22,566
Kiss her, kiss her,
do it now.

641
00:38:22,598 --> 00:38:25,535
The comedian will now attempt
to kiss the tall woman.

642
00:38:32,241 --> 00:38:34,644
<i>He had
come home from</i>

643
00:38:34,677 --> 00:38:36,712
A Night at the Museum.

644
00:38:36,746 --> 00:38:37,948
He was basically home
for a week.

645
00:38:38,982 --> 00:38:41,819
<i>He was absolutely exhausted.</i>

646
00:38:41,851 --> 00:38:43,987
<i>We were looking
at a week of testing.</i>

647
00:38:44,020 --> 00:38:45,656
<i>The calendar
was just booked.</i>

648
00:38:45,688 --> 00:38:47,924
So, we had this day
at the beginning of it all.

649
00:38:47,958 --> 00:38:49,059
<i>I said, you know,
"Why don't we go out</i>

650
00:38:49,092 --> 00:38:51,928
<i>"to Tennessee Valley,
go on a walkabout there,"</i>

651
00:38:51,962 --> 00:38:54,498
<i>which we loved.
We just loved our walks.</i>

652
00:38:54,531 --> 00:38:55,431
<i>This is when I realized</i>

653
00:38:55,465 --> 00:38:57,801
my honey had never
ever been on a picnic.

654
00:38:59,235 --> 00:39:01,638
<i>It was a pretty
windy day.</i>

655
00:39:01,670 --> 00:39:03,674
<i>But as we got out there,
there weren't a lot of people</i>

656
00:39:03,706 --> 00:39:04,708
<i>and, um,</i>

657
00:39:05,775 --> 00:39:07,211
<i>it was so nice</i>

658
00:39:07,243 --> 00:39:09,012
<i>to have space around us</i>

659
00:39:09,645 --> 00:39:10,680
<i>in nature.</i>

660
00:39:10,714 --> 00:39:12,850
We went over
to the rocks and, um,

661
00:39:13,683 --> 00:39:15,752
ate our sandwiches
and it was just us

662
00:39:15,784 --> 00:39:18,087
<i>and it was peaceful.</i>

663
00:39:18,121 --> 00:39:20,891
<i>It was one of those moments
in the midst of this</i>

664
00:39:20,924 --> 00:39:22,826
frenzy of trying to find out
what's going on.

665
00:39:22,859 --> 00:39:24,761
Like the drum beat
was getting more and more.

666
00:39:26,196 --> 00:39:28,197
<i>And he was depleted.</i>

667
00:39:28,230 --> 00:39:29,566
<i>He was so...</i>

668
00:39:30,634 --> 00:39:31,836
<i>so depleted.</i>

669
00:39:32,268 --> 00:39:34,036
And, uh...

670
00:39:34,069 --> 00:39:36,172
he just put his head
down in my lap,

671
00:39:36,206 --> 00:39:38,742
you know, and I just,
I just stroked his hair and...

672
00:39:40,777 --> 00:39:42,713
<i>He just laid
in my lap for like,</i>

673
00:39:42,746 --> 00:39:43,747
<i>couple hours.</i>

674
00:39:44,947 --> 00:39:46,549
<i>Well, the guy was tired.</i>

675
00:39:53,656 --> 00:39:55,959
<i>So, the first time
that Robin came into my shop,</i>

676
00:39:56,993 --> 00:39:58,728
it was in 1983

677
00:39:58,761 --> 00:40:01,898
and it was shortly after
John Belushi died.

678
00:40:04,000 --> 00:40:05,768
<i>When John Belushi
passed away...</i>

679
00:40:07,871 --> 00:40:10,107
it devastated Robin.

680
00:40:10,139 --> 00:40:12,109
<i>John was crazier
than anybody,</i>

681
00:40:12,141 --> 00:40:13,877
and, but man,
did he pay the price

682
00:40:13,909 --> 00:40:15,212
and, and, you know,

683
00:40:15,244 --> 00:40:17,982
it hit him like
a sheet of cold ice.

684
00:40:19,014 --> 00:40:21,150
He pulled out
of a dive.

685
00:40:21,183 --> 00:40:22,919
He stopped everything,

686
00:40:22,953 --> 00:40:24,888
but white wine
for one year

687
00:40:24,920 --> 00:40:26,022
and he didn't go to AA.

688
00:40:26,056 --> 00:40:28,292
And I mean, "Wow how are
you doing this?"

689
00:40:28,324 --> 00:40:30,726
And he goes, "Just because
I have to," you know.

690
00:40:30,759 --> 00:40:31,761
He didn't want to die.

691
00:40:31,795 --> 00:40:33,730
<i>Then of course,
he'd always been</i>

692
00:40:33,763 --> 00:40:35,632
<i>really physical, you know,
he was an athlete,</i>

693
00:40:35,665 --> 00:40:36,967
<i>he was a good athlete.</i>

694
00:40:37,000 --> 00:40:38,902
<i>He took up cycling.</i>

695
00:40:38,935 --> 00:40:40,637
<i>And he started riding
more and more</i>

696
00:40:40,670 --> 00:40:42,106
<i>and we started seeing him
more and more.</i>

697
00:40:42,672 --> 00:40:45,042
You are a keen cyclist?

698
00:40:45,074 --> 00:40:46,342
Yes, sir.
I am a bike sexual.

699
00:40:46,375 --> 00:40:47,844
Yes, sir. I like
to ride the bike.

700
00:40:49,145 --> 00:40:50,980
I mean for me,
it's my meditation.

701
00:40:51,014 --> 00:40:52,883
It's what I do.
I can, uh,

702
00:40:52,915 --> 00:40:53,984
<i>get on my bike
and ride about,</i>

703
00:40:54,016 --> 00:40:56,619
<i>sometimes 20 miles,
sometimes 40, or 50 miles</i>

704
00:40:56,652 --> 00:40:57,754
<i>and it's great.
It's beautiful.</i>

705
00:40:59,154 --> 00:41:00,223
He said that,

706
00:41:00,255 --> 00:41:02,960
you know, cycling was
the closest thing to flying

707
00:41:03,860 --> 00:41:05,862
<i>and it allowed him</i>

708
00:41:05,895 --> 00:41:06,929
<i>to free himself</i>

709
00:41:06,962 --> 00:41:09,265
<i>from all the things
that went on in his mind</i>

710
00:41:09,299 --> 00:41:11,601
<i>because his mind
was so active, right?</i>

711
00:41:12,802 --> 00:41:15,105
<i>Robin and running
and biking</i>

712
00:41:15,138 --> 00:41:16,840
was always in struggle.

713
00:41:16,873 --> 00:41:18,175
You know, you have
to push yourself,

714
00:41:18,208 --> 00:41:19,243
<i>you have
to challenge yourself.</i>

715
00:41:20,743 --> 00:41:22,378
<i>And Robin as an artist,</i>

716
00:41:22,411 --> 00:41:25,047
challenged himself
to do roles

717
00:41:25,081 --> 00:41:26,350
that were like,

718
00:41:27,217 --> 00:41:28,952
stretching himself.

719
00:41:28,985 --> 00:41:31,888
He wanted to prove that
he wasn't just a comedic actor,

720
00:41:31,920 --> 00:41:32,922
he was an actor.

721
00:41:32,956 --> 00:41:34,324
When you're improvising,
you're going out looking.

722
00:41:34,357 --> 00:41:36,994
I'd be going and talking to flowers
and how are you doing? Please cough.

723
00:41:37,027 --> 00:41:39,396
You know, when you're playing
like that, you're going out.

724
00:41:39,429 --> 00:41:42,065
But by stopping that,
you force the energy to implode

725
00:41:42,098 --> 00:41:44,266
and you find,
you can explore yourself.

726
00:41:44,299 --> 00:41:46,603
Either memories
or different emotions.

727
00:41:48,672 --> 00:41:50,040
Oh, Captain,
my captain.

728
00:41:50,072 --> 00:41:51,141
Sit down, Mister...

729
00:41:51,174 --> 00:41:53,342
Dead Poets Society
<i>almost didn't happen</i>

730
00:41:53,375 --> 00:41:55,711
<i>because they really
just wanted him to do it.</i>

731
00:41:55,744 --> 00:41:56,980
<i>The writer asked me...</i>

732
00:41:57,980 --> 00:41:59,683
<i>"How could we get Robin</i>

733
00:41:59,715 --> 00:42:01,317
"to reconsider this
and maybe do this?"

734
00:42:01,351 --> 00:42:03,720
I said, "Well, you need
to involve him

735
00:42:03,752 --> 00:42:04,955
"in the creative process

736
00:42:04,987 --> 00:42:07,190
"and at least
give him a voice

737
00:42:07,223 --> 00:42:09,359
"in choosing the director."

738
00:42:09,391 --> 00:42:10,926
<i>I said, "Make him
a short list."</i>

739
00:42:10,960 --> 00:42:12,795
<i>But Peter Weir
was at the top of it</i>

740
00:42:12,828 --> 00:42:14,897
<i>and he said, "I'm in,
if you can get Peter Weir."</i>

741
00:42:15,699 --> 00:42:16,700
<i>And it happened.</i>

742
00:42:18,467 --> 00:42:20,002
Thank you, boys.

743
00:42:20,036 --> 00:42:21,938
Yeah, he gave me
a sweet gift and, um,

744
00:42:21,971 --> 00:42:23,239
<i>and I mean...</i>

745
00:42:23,272 --> 00:42:24,907
<i>When he's looking
at the yearbook</i>

746
00:42:24,940 --> 00:42:26,676
<i>from when
he was a student.</i>

747
00:42:26,710 --> 00:42:29,012
Gentlemen.

748
00:42:29,045 --> 00:42:30,848
We were just looking
in your old annual.

749
00:42:32,348 --> 00:42:34,317
Oh, my God.

750
00:42:34,350 --> 00:42:35,985
- <i>Then the kids...</i>
- No, it's not...

751
00:42:36,018 --> 00:42:37,053
...show him this yearbook.

752
00:42:37,087 --> 00:42:38,722
He gets down on his knees
and just...

753
00:42:38,755 --> 00:42:40,190
No, it's not me.

754
00:42:40,223 --> 00:42:42,292
<i>Stanley
"the toll" Wilson.</i>

755
00:42:42,324 --> 00:42:44,226
Stanley "the tool" Wilson.

756
00:42:44,259 --> 00:42:45,428
<i>Which was his
nickname for me.</i>

757
00:42:49,065 --> 00:42:50,701
What was the dead
poets society?

758
00:42:52,402 --> 00:42:53,904
So, I'm sitting with him
at the premiere

759
00:42:53,936 --> 00:42:54,938
next to the heads
of Disney

760
00:42:54,971 --> 00:42:57,139
and he was smiling
and he wouldn't look at me.

761
00:42:57,172 --> 00:42:59,475
But I started crying
when this came on

762
00:42:59,509 --> 00:43:02,244
and that was his
thank you to me for helping.

763
00:43:02,277 --> 00:43:04,013
<i>And he was brilliant.</i>

764
00:43:04,047 --> 00:43:06,150
Invincible
just like you feel.

765
00:43:07,116 --> 00:43:08,217
The world
is their oyster.

766
00:43:08,252 --> 00:43:11,221
<i>He always wanted
to push himself. He did.</i>

767
00:43:11,253 --> 00:43:13,223
And I think that's
incredibly admirable

768
00:43:13,255 --> 00:43:15,192
because you don't
have to do that.

769
00:43:15,225 --> 00:43:16,460
When you're wealthy
and famous

770
00:43:16,493 --> 00:43:18,295
and people,
the world over love you

771
00:43:18,328 --> 00:43:19,763
and want you
to make them laugh.

772
00:43:29,139 --> 00:43:31,274
<i>We liked to go
play basketball</i>

773
00:43:31,306 --> 00:43:32,341
<i>with a local group</i>

774
00:43:32,375 --> 00:43:35,779
<i>that helps develop
mentally disabled adults.</i>

775
00:43:38,380 --> 00:43:41,484
<i>His neurologist,
who also attends that,</i>

776
00:43:41,518 --> 00:43:44,920
had, um, not seen him
since December,

777
00:43:44,953 --> 00:43:48,859
when the suspicion
about his, uh...

778
00:43:48,891 --> 00:43:51,393
the shaking of his hand was,
you know it was...

779
00:43:51,427 --> 00:43:52,895
keep an eye on it,
but at that point

780
00:43:52,929 --> 00:43:56,066
it was so minimal maybe it's because
of this previous shoulder injury.

781
00:43:57,433 --> 00:43:59,902
Well, basically
that night, um,

782
00:43:59,935 --> 00:44:01,971
that doctor made
a visual diagnosis

783
00:44:02,005 --> 00:44:03,207
from way across court.

784
00:44:11,447 --> 00:44:14,084
<i>All he knew was that we were going
to be going in to see the GP.</i>

785
00:44:15,418 --> 00:44:17,087
<i>When he was told
he had Parkinson's...</i>

786
00:44:22,225 --> 00:44:23,860
and they're saying
it's early to mild

787
00:44:23,893 --> 00:44:25,427
and, you know,
that's great.

788
00:44:25,460 --> 00:44:27,163
So, okay, we get
on medications,

789
00:44:27,197 --> 00:44:30,233
we'll figure this out, you know,
you'll get it adjusted.

790
00:44:30,266 --> 00:44:32,369
They were saying
ten good years.

791
00:44:32,402 --> 00:44:34,170
<i>I could see
he wasn't buying it.</i>

792
00:44:35,103 --> 00:44:36,339
Robin got to ask

793
00:44:37,172 --> 00:44:38,507
these questions, um,

794
00:44:38,540 --> 00:44:40,243
which at the time
seems like...

795
00:44:41,578 --> 00:44:42,780
you know...

796
00:44:44,514 --> 00:44:47,884
He asked,
"Am I, um...

797
00:44:47,917 --> 00:44:49,853
"Do I have Alzheimer's?

798
00:44:49,886 --> 00:44:51,087
"Do I have dementia?

799
00:44:51,119 --> 00:44:52,188
"Am I schizophrenic?"

800
00:44:56,326 --> 00:44:58,362
<i>And the answers were,
no, no and no.</i>

801
00:45:01,029 --> 00:45:03,065
<i>The real depth
of these symptoms,</i>

802
00:45:03,098 --> 00:45:05,000
<i>he only knew,</i>

803
00:45:05,034 --> 00:45:06,970
<i>the rest of us were working
with what we could.</i>

804
00:45:08,638 --> 00:45:12,141
In Robin's case,
there was a focus on his movement.

805
00:45:12,174 --> 00:45:14,109
But I think internally
for Robin,

806
00:45:14,143 --> 00:45:16,012
this was only
a tiny part

807
00:45:16,045 --> 00:45:19,449
of the symptoms that he
was experiencing.

808
00:45:19,482 --> 00:45:22,018
<i>Another very early
feature of dementia</i>

809
00:45:22,051 --> 00:45:25,522
<i>with Lewy Bodies
is visual hallucinations.</i>

810
00:45:25,554 --> 00:45:27,890
<i>They often believe
that these</i>

811
00:45:27,924 --> 00:45:30,293
<i>hallucinations are real.</i>

812
00:45:30,326 --> 00:45:33,263
<i>So, for Robin learning that
he had Parkinson's disease</i>

813
00:45:33,295 --> 00:45:34,297
<i>was not enough.</i>

814
00:45:40,435 --> 00:45:41,571
<i>He's an
old friend of mine</i>

815
00:45:41,603 --> 00:45:44,174
and a former classmate
at Julliard School in New York,

816
00:45:44,206 --> 00:45:45,208
Robin Williams.

817
00:45:48,344 --> 00:45:50,380
- You gotta keep that. Here you go.
- Looky there!

818
00:45:51,281 --> 00:45:52,516
Or is somebody's fantasy.

819
00:45:57,987 --> 00:46:00,557
<i>Robin and Christopher
were very good friends.</i>

820
00:46:00,589 --> 00:46:02,892
<i>Christopher was a preppy
from New England, and that was our</i>

821
00:46:03,560 --> 00:46:05,561
<i>slightly younger brother.</i>

822
00:46:05,594 --> 00:46:07,997
<i>And the three of us were,
you know, brother Williams,</i>

823
00:46:08,031 --> 00:46:09,333
<i>brother Wilson
and brother Reeve.</i>

824
00:46:15,270 --> 00:46:18,173
Christopher, we went to see him
when he first had this accident.

825
00:46:18,206 --> 00:46:20,576
He just had
the accident and...

826
00:46:20,610 --> 00:46:23,213
there were people making decisions
whether or not to keep him,

827
00:46:23,246 --> 00:46:24,547
you know,
on life support.

828
00:46:24,580 --> 00:46:26,282
Robin went in disguised
as a doctor

829
00:46:26,315 --> 00:46:28,118
in the emergency room.

830
00:46:28,150 --> 00:46:30,920
I said, I was
a Russian proctologist

831
00:46:30,953 --> 00:46:32,621
and most of the other doctors,
"Oh, no."

832
00:46:32,654 --> 00:46:35,090
and he looked up at me going,
"Hey, brother, what's up?"

833
00:46:35,123 --> 00:46:36,659
And I said, "Would you mind,
I'm just going to do a brief exam,

834
00:46:36,692 --> 00:46:39,662
"like what you said if you feel
two fingers, it's your luck."

835
00:46:41,563 --> 00:46:43,098
You know,
and he laughed

836
00:46:43,132 --> 00:46:44,501
and he said, "Hey, brother,
what's happening?"

837
00:46:44,534 --> 00:46:47,337
And it was that idea of even
in the face of that.

838
00:46:47,369 --> 00:46:49,038
And it helped.
I mean, he,

839
00:46:49,072 --> 00:46:50,474
you know,
he's an extraordinary guy.

840
00:46:52,141 --> 00:46:56,145
<i>First one to show up down in
Virginia when I was really in trouble.</i>

841
00:46:56,179 --> 00:46:58,648
He came here to Kessler
one afternoon and just...

842
00:47:01,551 --> 00:47:03,420
Thank God I wear
a seatbelt on this chair

843
00:47:03,453 --> 00:47:05,121
because I would have
fallen out laughing.

844
00:47:08,257 --> 00:47:11,194
<i>When Christopher, we went to
see him when he first had this accident,</i>

845
00:47:11,226 --> 00:47:14,431
<i>we both talked and said,
"I never knew he was strong,"</i>

846
00:47:14,464 --> 00:47:16,299
and Robin didn't either.
And he says,

847
00:47:16,331 --> 00:47:19,234
"I don't think
I could go through that"

848
00:47:19,268 --> 00:47:21,103
"and I wouldn't want to,"
you know.

849
00:47:26,542 --> 00:47:28,210
<i>He looked very frail</i>

850
00:47:28,243 --> 00:47:31,113
<i>when he came back
from the museum picture.</i>

851
00:47:31,147 --> 00:47:33,183
He used to come over like,
every afternoon.

852
00:47:34,449 --> 00:47:36,453
<i>He'd sit in the chair
right at the corner.</i>

853
00:47:38,186 --> 00:47:40,257
<i>He'd mumble along</i>

854
00:47:40,790 --> 00:47:42,225
about it but...

855
00:47:43,759 --> 00:47:46,362
<i>he never described
the severity to me</i>

856
00:47:47,362 --> 00:47:49,264
<i>of losing everything.</i>

857
00:47:49,297 --> 00:47:51,467
I'd trick him even when
he got depressed,

858
00:47:52,534 --> 00:47:54,636
I'd say,
"Well, a lot of times

859
00:47:54,670 --> 00:47:56,172
"I want to jump off
the roof."

860
00:47:56,205 --> 00:47:57,340
"Really?" He'd say.

861
00:47:57,373 --> 00:47:59,676
<i>But I said, "Yeah."</i>

862
00:48:01,411 --> 00:48:03,647
<i>I said, "You can't jump off
the roof because...</i>

863
00:48:06,315 --> 00:48:08,451
"you can't leave
Susan alone."

864
00:48:08,484 --> 00:48:11,520
And as soon as I got anywhere
near saying that and he would go,

865
00:48:11,554 --> 00:48:13,290
"Ooh. Ooh."

866
00:48:13,857 --> 00:48:16,159
Admiration all the time,

867
00:48:16,192 --> 00:48:18,594
<i>that's the thing
he kept getting</i>

868
00:48:18,627 --> 00:48:21,196
<i>over to me all the time
and saying,</i>

869
00:48:21,230 --> 00:48:22,599
"Now, I finally got it right."

870
00:48:23,665 --> 00:48:25,768
So, he saw
a tremendous irony...

871
00:48:28,670 --> 00:48:30,239
in getting sick.

872
00:48:32,607 --> 00:48:34,744
He had these
introspective moments.

873
00:48:36,746 --> 00:48:38,315
And a lot of depression

874
00:48:39,348 --> 00:48:40,384
as it approached,

875
00:48:43,152 --> 00:48:45,388
but he didn't verbalize
that to me

876
00:48:45,420 --> 00:48:46,489
and, uh...

877
00:48:49,558 --> 00:48:51,093
he just wasn't
laughing a lot.

878
00:48:55,163 --> 00:48:58,634
People believe that
there is psychology

879
00:48:58,668 --> 00:49:00,603
and then
there's neuroscience

880
00:49:00,636 --> 00:49:02,304
and they're not
the same.

881
00:49:02,337 --> 00:49:04,273
But in fact
it's all related

882
00:49:04,306 --> 00:49:06,176
<i>to how our brain circuits
are working.</i>

883
00:49:07,610 --> 00:49:10,547
This is very hard for our society
to understanding and grapple with

884
00:49:10,580 --> 00:49:12,715
because we have
a different way of thinking

885
00:49:12,748 --> 00:49:14,384
about psychiatric disease.

886
00:49:14,417 --> 00:49:16,319
<i>There's not a realization</i>

887
00:49:16,351 --> 00:49:18,687
<i>that the chemical changes
in the brain</i>

888
00:49:18,721 --> 00:49:22,391
are responsible for
the psychiatric symptoms.

889
00:49:22,424 --> 00:49:25,661
<i>Lewy Body Disease,
it is brain circuits</i>

890
00:49:25,694 --> 00:49:27,397
that cause troubles

891
00:49:27,429 --> 00:49:30,699
that people assume are,
you know, behavioral,

892
00:49:30,732 --> 00:49:33,168
not potentially related
to a disease.

893
00:49:33,201 --> 00:49:35,772
Someone has Parkinson's disease
and they have shaking

894
00:49:35,804 --> 00:49:37,306
and they can't walk.

895
00:49:37,339 --> 00:49:39,775
Then, oh,
that's clearly a disease.

896
00:49:39,808 --> 00:49:42,478
But in fact
it's pure semantics.

897
00:49:42,511 --> 00:49:43,546
There's no difference.

898
00:49:43,580 --> 00:49:46,482
It's just different circuits
are being affected.

899
00:49:46,516 --> 00:49:49,385
<i>It flows over
someone like a massive wave,</i>

900
00:49:49,418 --> 00:49:51,421
no matter how moral,

901
00:49:51,453 --> 00:49:53,222
ethical, good,

902
00:49:53,255 --> 00:49:55,190
brilliant someone is.

903
00:49:55,223 --> 00:49:57,192
<i>When they get,
you know, disease</i>

904
00:49:57,226 --> 00:49:59,863
of the magnitude
of dementia with Lewy Bodies,

905
00:49:59,895 --> 00:50:01,363
they get very sick

906
00:50:01,397 --> 00:50:04,201
and they change enormously
in a psychiatric way.

907
00:50:05,668 --> 00:50:07,403
<i>It affects sleep
very early.</i>

908
00:50:07,435 --> 00:50:11,573
<i>This is another very hard part
of Lewy Body Disease.</i>

909
00:50:11,607 --> 00:50:14,543
<i>When they're asleep,
they suddenly act out their dreams,</i>

910
00:50:14,576 --> 00:50:17,147
<i>we call REM behavior.</i>

911
00:50:17,179 --> 00:50:18,815
<i>They can strike out
during a dream</i>

912
00:50:18,848 --> 00:50:20,550
and actually hit people
at night.

913
00:50:21,884 --> 00:50:24,320
<i>The lack of sleep
had been building</i>

914
00:50:24,353 --> 00:50:27,490
<i>very intensely
since December.</i>

915
00:50:27,522 --> 00:50:28,790
He's thrashing
at night now,

916
00:50:28,824 --> 00:50:30,827
which is a Parkinsonian
type symptom.

917
00:50:31,761 --> 00:50:33,096
<i>So, now,</i>

918
00:50:33,128 --> 00:50:35,464
<i>what was happening,
you know when you first fall asleep,</i>

919
00:50:35,498 --> 00:50:37,833
<i>like, you start to go deep
pretty quick if you're tired?</i>

920
00:50:37,866 --> 00:50:39,635
<i>He would go,</i>

921
00:50:39,668 --> 00:50:41,203
"Honey, what did
you think about..."

922
00:50:41,237 --> 00:50:43,840
Like in a daytime voice,
he was loud.

923
00:50:45,674 --> 00:50:47,176
<i>No one was getting sleep.</i>

924
00:50:47,210 --> 00:50:49,846
<i>It was impossible
because the delusional looping.</i>

925
00:50:51,614 --> 00:50:54,918
And then the degree
to which the paranoia

926
00:50:54,951 --> 00:50:57,621
came in,
it was so drastic.

927
00:50:58,888 --> 00:51:00,590
<i>He's just going
from room to room,</i>

928
00:51:00,623 --> 00:51:01,925
<i>literally watching me,</i>

929
00:51:01,958 --> 00:51:03,760
<i>he's making a lot
of phone calls</i>

930
00:51:03,793 --> 00:51:06,396
and texting people
and questioning.

931
00:51:06,429 --> 00:51:08,565
<i>I'm sure. I know it was
a lot about questioning</i>

932
00:51:09,065 --> 00:51:11,434
my loyalty to him.

933
00:51:14,302 --> 00:51:16,371
<i>And then I'm like
back in the studio</i>

934
00:51:16,404 --> 00:51:17,940
and he's watching me

935
00:51:17,973 --> 00:51:20,809
<i>and he's standing there
in a frozen stance.</i>

936
00:51:21,944 --> 00:51:23,446
<i>And he wasn't moving.</i>

937
00:51:24,647 --> 00:51:26,415
And then he'd
come out of it

938
00:51:26,449 --> 00:51:28,284
and he was so upset
with himself.

939
00:51:30,319 --> 00:51:32,355
There were other scenes
going on for him.

940
00:51:32,388 --> 00:51:35,225
There were other
ideas about us.

941
00:51:36,259 --> 00:51:37,627
<i>What part of this is...</i>

942
00:51:38,527 --> 00:51:39,529
is freewill?

943
00:51:40,596 --> 00:51:41,931
<i>He had this awareness</i>

944
00:51:41,964 --> 00:51:45,335
of what he was doing
and that pained him

945
00:51:45,368 --> 00:51:48,505
because he knew it wasn't us,
it wasn't right.

946
00:51:51,806 --> 00:51:53,743
<i>There's that core
of that person</i>

947
00:51:53,775 --> 00:51:56,279
<i>that is still
completely maintained</i>

948
00:51:56,311 --> 00:51:57,647
and they struggle
with this

949
00:51:57,679 --> 00:52:00,015
and they struggle
with how they're changing

950
00:52:00,049 --> 00:52:02,518
and, you know,
they often don't

951
00:52:02,551 --> 00:52:05,355
have a good logical
conclusion about it.

952
00:52:05,388 --> 00:52:06,523
So, it's very hard.

953
00:52:13,029 --> 00:52:16,833
<i>Robin is, um,
not getting enough sleep.</i>

954
00:52:16,866 --> 00:52:19,802
<i>The therapists are like, "Not getting
sleep can be really dangerous."</i>

955
00:52:21,971 --> 00:52:24,007
<i>When we were told
to, um,</i>

956
00:52:24,040 --> 00:52:26,610
<i>to sleep apart because
he needed to get sleep</i>

957
00:52:28,677 --> 00:52:31,513
<i>he came to me
and he said...</i>

958
00:52:31,547 --> 00:52:33,483
<i>"Does this mean
we're separated?"</i>

959
00:52:36,951 --> 00:52:39,622
For someone so brilliant
to say something like that.

960
00:52:40,855 --> 00:52:42,859
<i>Such a mismatch
of reality.</i>

961
00:52:45,060 --> 00:52:46,528
Five minutes later...

962
00:52:48,364 --> 00:52:49,932
he was back

963
00:52:49,964 --> 00:52:50,865
and he realized,

964
00:52:50,900 --> 00:52:52,969
<i>no, we're in love
and we're married.</i>

965
00:52:53,735 --> 00:52:54,737
<i>There's no...</i>

966
00:52:56,538 --> 00:52:57,674
<i>I'm not leaving him.</i>

967
00:53:01,844 --> 00:53:04,781
<i>Robin was in
the house visiting and...</i>

968
00:53:04,813 --> 00:53:07,417
he wanted me to look out
the back window,

969
00:53:07,449 --> 00:53:09,551
look at our boat dock
and our boats

970
00:53:09,585 --> 00:53:12,054
and get a different view.

971
00:53:13,522 --> 00:53:16,826
<i>And so, he looked out
the back window,</i>

972
00:53:16,859 --> 00:53:19,561
<i>here, out of our sun room,</i>

973
00:53:19,594 --> 00:53:21,964
<i>he stood there
and stood there,</i>

974
00:53:21,996 --> 00:53:24,032
and stood there

975
00:53:24,065 --> 00:53:29,471
for about 10-12 minutes
motionless.

976
00:53:29,505 --> 00:53:32,975
Didn't say a word.
Just stood there and looked.

977
00:53:33,007 --> 00:53:37,513
<i>For the longest period
of time. Way too long.</i>

978
00:53:37,545 --> 00:53:40,949
<i>I finally said, "Robin,
let's go back outside."</i>

979
00:53:48,723 --> 00:53:50,559
<i>In the middle
of the storm,</i>

980
00:53:51,659 --> 00:53:54,996
<i>we kept trying to stay
in the center.</i>

981
00:53:55,029 --> 00:53:57,999
<i>By now though, we were seeing
the therapists every day,</i>

982
00:53:58,032 --> 00:54:00,502
<i>it's bike rides,
it's 12 step work.</i>

983
00:54:00,536 --> 00:54:03,438
<i>Meditating together
helped a little bit.</i>

984
00:54:03,471 --> 00:54:06,408
<i>We went to
a hypnotist at Stanford.</i>

985
00:54:06,442 --> 00:54:08,644
<i>And God bless the man,
he did everything.</i>

986
00:54:08,677 --> 00:54:10,113
<i>I would come in the room,
and he would be sitting there</i>

987
00:54:10,145 --> 00:54:12,514
doing this thing
and it was part of the deal

988
00:54:12,547 --> 00:54:14,049
to like, hypnotize yourself.

989
00:54:15,016 --> 00:54:16,685
<i>Kind of worked, a little bit.</i>

990
00:54:16,719 --> 00:54:18,154
But it would always
be temporary.

991
00:54:18,186 --> 00:54:19,855
But he would keep trying.

992
00:54:20,755 --> 00:54:22,891
<i>He was a freaking warrior.</i>

993
00:54:22,924 --> 00:54:24,960
<i>The way that he was able</i>

994
00:54:24,993 --> 00:54:29,030
to battle the inner turmoils,
the inner fears.

995
00:54:29,063 --> 00:54:33,369
<i>He was blessed with what
his heart was capable of,</i>

996
00:54:34,170 --> 00:54:36,873
in the midst of fear.

997
00:54:36,906 --> 00:54:39,475
You go your whole life
never knowing how you look

998
00:54:39,507 --> 00:54:41,710
and then, there you are.

999
00:54:42,777 --> 00:54:44,580
You get hungry,
you get stupid,

1000
00:54:44,612 --> 00:54:46,081
you get shot
and die.

1001
00:54:46,114 --> 00:54:49,851
Then you get this quick glimpse
of how you look to others,

1002
00:54:49,884 --> 00:54:53,955
to the world around you.
It's never what you thought.

1003
00:54:53,989 --> 00:54:57,960
He could do what
nobody else could do.

1004
00:54:57,993 --> 00:55:01,431
<i>He'd do what very few artists
have ever been able to do.</i>

1005
00:55:01,464 --> 00:55:04,801
<i>He was just...
he was beautiful.</i>

1006
00:55:04,833 --> 00:55:08,136
I remember, the day
I found out I was thrilled.

1007
00:55:08,170 --> 00:55:10,206
<i>Robin Williams is going
to come do</i>

1008
00:55:10,239 --> 00:55:12,475
<i>Bengal Tiger at
the Baghdad Zoo.</i>

1009
00:55:12,507 --> 00:55:13,842
He's the tiger.

1010
00:55:14,909 --> 00:55:18,714
The fact is,
tigers are atheists.

1011
00:55:19,848 --> 00:55:21,750
All of us unabashed.

1012
00:55:21,784 --> 00:55:25,054
Heaven and Hell, these are
just metaphorical constructs

1013
00:55:25,087 --> 00:55:28,090
which represent hungry
and not hungry.

1014
00:55:28,123 --> 00:55:32,962
I would see him waiting
after the play,

1015
00:55:32,994 --> 00:55:35,697
<i>after we'd come out from
a two hour and 20 minute show</i>

1016
00:55:35,730 --> 00:55:38,633
<i>and he's waiting for
every single person</i>

1017
00:55:38,667 --> 00:55:41,536
<i>to get their picture
and to sign their playbill.</i>

1018
00:55:41,569 --> 00:55:44,906
<i>And I learned patience,
and I learned compassion.</i>

1019
00:55:44,940 --> 00:55:48,811
He's everything you want
from a fellow artist.

1020
00:55:48,844 --> 00:55:52,514
- Hey, Kellen.
- Looking hot in the green room.

1021
00:55:55,150 --> 00:55:58,821
He'd go in and extend
these mercy calls

1022
00:55:58,853 --> 00:56:01,089
to the comedians in
the green room.

1023
00:56:01,123 --> 00:56:03,726
<i>They all looked upon
him as a hero,</i>

1024
00:56:03,759 --> 00:56:06,862
<i>and he's more than generous.</i>

1025
00:56:06,895 --> 00:56:09,865
Wait, can we get you doing
the guy who hit our car today?

1026
00:56:09,898 --> 00:56:12,969
- Please?
- No! Dude! No.

1027
00:56:13,002 --> 00:56:16,505
- Nothing.
- Dude, you hit my rental car, man.

1028
00:56:16,538 --> 00:56:19,007
No, dude. I did but nothing happened.

1029
00:56:19,040 --> 00:56:21,643
- That was like before and nothing happened.
- That's so silly.

1030
00:56:21,677 --> 00:56:23,579
Do you have
insurance, maybe?

1031
00:56:23,612 --> 00:56:25,782
Oh, not at all, thanks.

1032
00:56:33,855 --> 00:56:35,857
<i>That last
bike ride with Robin,</i>

1033
00:56:35,891 --> 00:56:37,659
I asked him at the beginning
of the ride, "You look beat."

1034
00:56:37,692 --> 00:56:39,895
"Are you sure you're okay
for a ride? You look exhausted"

1035
00:56:39,929 --> 00:56:41,797
<i>He said no, he needed it.
He really needed it</i>

1036
00:56:41,830 --> 00:56:42,898
<i>and was ready to do it.</i>

1037
00:56:42,931 --> 00:56:43,933
<i>But it was clear he was off,</i>

1038
00:56:43,967 --> 00:56:46,569
<i>off in a way he had not
ever been off before.</i>

1039
00:56:46,601 --> 00:56:49,672
Much slimmer,
just sort of not there.

1040
00:56:51,639 --> 00:56:54,609
Couple of times he was over
in the lane way more than

1041
00:56:54,643 --> 00:56:58,114
he should have been. Way more
toward the center of the lane.

1042
00:56:58,147 --> 00:57:00,016
<i>He asked
a lot of weird questions,</i>

1043
00:57:00,049 --> 00:57:02,150
<i>seemed oddly distracted.</i>

1044
00:57:02,183 --> 00:57:06,321
Turned around and he'd say stuff
like, "What time you got, boss?"

1045
00:57:06,355 --> 00:57:08,958
<i>Never asked me that on
a ride ever before.</i>

1046
00:57:08,991 --> 00:57:12,194
I'd say, "I don't know, we left it
one, we're halfway through 1:30?"

1047
00:57:12,226 --> 00:57:13,862
"Thanks, boss."

1048
00:57:15,230 --> 00:57:18,902
<i>Thirty seconds later.
"What time do you got, boss?"</i>

1049
00:57:20,235 --> 00:57:23,806
Forty-five seconds later.
The same question again.

1050
00:57:23,839 --> 00:57:28,610
There were several other questions he
asked that were odd and didn't make sense.

1051
00:57:28,643 --> 00:57:32,814
<i>Um, something along the lines, I think
we should maybe getting back and we took</i>

1052
00:57:32,848 --> 00:57:36,118
one loop, we're getting back,
that kind of stuff.

1053
00:57:36,150 --> 00:57:39,688
<i>Before you notice it,
he started to leave me,</i>

1054
00:57:39,721 --> 00:57:42,725
he just was 20 yards
and then 40 then 100.

1055
00:57:42,757 --> 00:57:44,326
<i>This has never happened
in the ride.</i>

1056
00:57:44,360 --> 00:57:48,197
And all of a sudden he was a hundred
and some yards and I couldn't catch him.

1057
00:57:48,230 --> 00:57:50,666
<i>I busted butt to catch up.</i>

1058
00:57:50,699 --> 00:57:52,969
<i>I couldn't do it.
But he pedaled all the way to the house,</i>

1059
00:57:53,002 --> 00:57:54,137
<i>and we get to the house
and he said,</i>

1060
00:57:54,170 --> 00:57:57,106
"Hope you don't mind, boss,
but I got to get in today.

1061
00:57:57,139 --> 00:57:59,309
"I got stuff to do." And I said,
"Fine." And he hustled in the house.

1062
00:58:15,757 --> 00:58:20,895
<i>Uncharacteristically,
around 9:30 in the evening,</i>

1063
00:58:20,929 --> 00:58:27,670
Carol noticed Robin and
Leonard standing out front,

1064
00:58:27,703 --> 00:58:34,677
<i>I went outside and I asked
if everything was okay.</i>

1065
00:58:34,710 --> 00:58:38,947
And he said, "Yes, I'm okay."

1066
00:58:38,980 --> 00:58:41,249
Just sort of a pat answer.

1067
00:58:41,282 --> 00:58:45,654
And then he said,
"Boss, I really need a hug."

1068
00:58:46,388 --> 00:58:49,958
<i>And so I gave him a hug.</i>

1069
00:58:49,991 --> 00:58:56,197
<i>And he started to cry at
that point, put his head down.</i>

1070
00:58:56,230 --> 00:58:59,701
<i>So I put my arm around
his shoulder, but then</i>

1071
00:58:59,735 --> 00:59:03,205
I asked him, "Robin, Robin,
are you okay?

1072
00:59:03,237 --> 00:59:06,875
"Is anything wrong
that I could help?

1073
00:59:06,909 --> 00:59:08,244
"Are you in pain?"

1074
00:59:08,277 --> 00:59:12,114
He said, uh, "No, boss."

1075
00:59:12,147 --> 00:59:17,253
<i>He talked about family
and what was going on</i>

1076
00:59:17,286 --> 00:59:21,357
<i>in his life and some
things that</i>

1077
00:59:21,389 --> 00:59:25,694
I think he felt I would
keep private.

1078
00:59:27,228 --> 00:59:32,132
<i>It took about 15 minutes.
He said, "Bye, boss."</i>

1079
00:59:32,134 --> 00:59:34,170
I said, "I'll see you tomorrow."

1080
00:59:34,203 --> 00:59:37,907
And he walked home.

1081
00:59:41,810 --> 00:59:44,313
<i>We were going to try and
get to bed at a decent hour.</i>

1082
00:59:44,346 --> 00:59:48,985
<i>And we stayed up for a little while,
which is what we did that week.</i>

1083
00:59:50,052 --> 00:59:52,154
<i>When sleeping apart it's like,
well,</i>

1084
00:59:52,186 --> 00:59:55,924
we'd stay in our bed together
until it was time to go to sleep.

1085
00:59:55,958 --> 01:00:01,230
Again, I'd read to him,
then it was just time for sleep

1086
01:00:01,263 --> 01:00:05,500
and he, uh...
he went into his office,

1087
01:00:05,534 --> 01:00:09,338
which is right by our room and he went
back there a couple of times to get things,

1088
01:00:09,371 --> 01:00:12,273
and I saw he had his iPad
and I thought,

1089
01:00:12,306 --> 01:00:16,011
"This is really good because
he hasn't wanted to read

1090
01:00:16,043 --> 01:00:20,949
"or do any, you know,
anything in a long time."

1091
01:00:20,982 --> 01:00:24,385
<i>We just said good night to each other.
"Good night, my love."</i>

1092
01:00:24,418 --> 01:00:26,822
"Good night, my love."

1093
01:00:36,397 --> 01:00:38,800
<i>We'd been meditating
every morning together.</i>

1094
01:00:38,833 --> 01:00:42,971
So, when I got up
and he wasn't up yet,

1095
01:00:43,005 --> 01:00:45,141
<i>I thought, "Oh my God,
the door's still closed.</i>

1096
01:00:45,174 --> 01:00:50,780
"He's sleeping, he's sleeping,
this is really good."

1097
01:00:50,813 --> 01:00:54,150
His assistant showed up because
they had some work stuff to go over

1098
01:00:54,183 --> 01:00:57,186
<i>and I had to take off
and I just told her, I said,</i>

1099
01:00:57,219 --> 01:00:59,755
<i>you know, "Just text me
when he's awake."</i>

1100
01:01:01,255 --> 01:01:02,891
<i>Apparently he had
slept in.</i>

1101
01:01:02,924 --> 01:01:07,562
And they couldn't figure out why he was
sleeping in because it wasn't him. Right?

1102
01:01:07,596 --> 01:01:10,166
And they tried to go in
the room and it was locked.

1103
01:01:11,900 --> 01:01:14,070
<i>Then I got a text saying...</i>

1104
01:01:15,270 --> 01:01:20,476
"He's not up,
what should I do?"

1105
01:01:20,509 --> 01:01:27,049
I knew... I just knew there
was something terribly, terribly wrong,

1106
01:01:27,081 --> 01:01:30,051
that wasn't right,
and I just texted,

1107
01:01:30,085 --> 01:01:33,456
"Wake him up immediately
and call me back."

1108
01:01:38,493 --> 01:01:40,429
<i>She called me back.</i>

1109
01:01:48,103 --> 01:01:50,172
<i>Susan had just come back.</i>

1110
01:01:50,205 --> 01:01:54,310
Dan and Rebecca were outside
the house.

1111
01:01:54,342 --> 01:01:58,047
The police were showing up and
they didn't know what was going on.

1112
01:02:00,882 --> 01:02:03,484
<i>Sister came in the
kitchen and said, "How are you?"</i>

1113
01:02:03,518 --> 01:02:06,222
And I said, "I'm fine." She goes, "Oh,
so you... Oh my God, you don't know?"

1114
01:02:06,255 --> 01:02:08,390
And then she told me, you know.

1115
01:02:08,422 --> 01:02:11,893
<i>I was just sitting
with a tsunami of grief.</i>

1116
01:02:15,630 --> 01:02:20,969
I'm driving back, on this day
three years ago. And a reporter

1117
01:02:21,002 --> 01:02:24,539
from a tabloid called me
on my phone.

1118
01:02:24,572 --> 01:02:27,243
I don't even know how
they got my number.

1119
01:02:27,275 --> 01:02:29,611
And they said, "Do you have
any comments about the death

1120
01:02:29,645 --> 01:02:33,415
"of your friend, Robin Williams,
by suicide?"

1121
01:02:33,447 --> 01:02:37,485
And I threw my goddamned phone
across the car and kept driving.

1122
01:02:39,654 --> 01:02:43,424
I remember very distinctly,
we were standing out front

1123
01:02:43,458 --> 01:02:47,596
<i>and you could hear
a helicopter coming.</i>

1124
01:02:47,628 --> 01:02:50,333
He said, "Okay, here they come."

1125
01:02:53,335 --> 01:02:55,404
<i>The whole Bay Area
felt like a sledge hammer</i>

1126
01:02:55,436 --> 01:02:59,141
<i>hit it in the head that day and New
York too and Hollywood and everywhere.</i>

1127
01:02:59,174 --> 01:03:02,210
It was like a war zone,
helicopter circling,

1128
01:03:02,243 --> 01:03:04,979
<i>news vans pulling up their
big satellite dishes</i>

1129
01:03:05,013 --> 01:03:06,482
<i>and they're all setting up
cameras.</i>

1130
01:03:06,514 --> 01:03:09,183
<i>They're knocking on our
door asking for comment.</i>

1131
01:03:09,217 --> 01:03:11,320
<i>It got pretty crazy
around here.</i>

1132
01:03:11,353 --> 01:03:16,992
The global media descended
on this little cul-de-sac.

1133
01:03:17,025 --> 01:03:19,161
How everybody just wanted
their piece.

1134
01:03:21,529 --> 01:03:26,467
We felt that it was
a huge invasion of privacy.

1135
01:03:26,500 --> 01:03:31,339
<i>This was a horrifically
tragic event to happen</i>

1136
01:03:31,373 --> 01:03:34,911
<i>to normal
people that are our neighbors.</i>

1137
01:03:38,480 --> 01:03:41,417
<i>We also had fans
of Robin's</i>

1138
01:03:41,449 --> 01:03:43,685
<i>that just wanted to come
and pay tribute</i>

1139
01:03:43,719 --> 01:03:48,357
<i>and they would stand peacefully
in front of his house and lay</i>

1140
01:03:48,389 --> 01:03:52,161
<i>flowers down and just
pay their respects.</i>

1141
01:03:56,264 --> 01:04:00,035
You know, it's like really
having...

1142
01:04:00,067 --> 01:04:05,107
<i>a limb or something ripped from you
and you can't heal it right away.</i>

1143
01:04:14,715 --> 01:04:20,022
<i>I remember walking out of that
facility down the steps outside</i>

1144
01:04:20,054 --> 01:04:24,426
<i>and feeling the last year
and a half</i>

1145
01:04:24,458 --> 01:04:30,031
<i>of really hard work that my
husband and I went through.</i>

1146
01:04:30,065 --> 01:04:32,969
I had the beginning
of an answer.

1147
01:04:34,268 --> 01:04:38,006
<i>I started digging in
for about the next year.</i>

1148
01:05:05,132 --> 01:05:08,203
You can't come back
from Lewy Body Dementia.

1149
01:05:08,235 --> 01:05:11,306
There is no cure. Depression,
you can come back from.

1150
01:05:11,339 --> 01:05:14,310
<i>He had come back
from that earlier in life.</i>

1151
01:05:15,743 --> 01:05:19,747
Clumsy as it was, not in the right
state of mind due to the tricks

1152
01:05:19,781 --> 01:05:24,686
that the disease plays on you and
the lack of sleep and everything.

1153
01:05:24,719 --> 01:05:28,791
But I think he just probably
somewhere in his brain has decided,

1154
01:05:30,324 --> 01:05:32,261
<i>"I don't want to bring
everybody down with me.</i>

1155
01:05:32,293 --> 01:05:34,797
<i>"I don't want to spend a year
or two going down this path."</i>

1156
01:05:34,830 --> 01:05:37,732
<i>Maybe he didn't have quite that level
of consciousness. But knowing Robin,</i>

1157
01:05:37,766 --> 01:05:40,601
"I want to ride my bike. I want to be with
my beautiful wife. I want to do comedy."

1158
01:05:40,634 --> 01:05:46,808
These things will probably all be
off the books in a very short time.

1159
01:05:46,842 --> 01:05:49,311
<i>I just know that
he finally one day said,</i>

1160
01:05:49,344 --> 01:05:50,846
<i>"I'm not going to go where
this is taking me."</i>

1161
01:05:50,878 --> 01:05:55,083
But he's just so joyous. And then
there would've been no joy in his life.

1162
01:05:56,250 --> 01:05:59,687
No, he wasn't ready to go.
He wasn't ready to go at all.

1163
01:05:59,721 --> 01:06:03,692
And he stuck around longer than he
felt like it. I mean, I just know him

1164
01:06:03,725 --> 01:06:08,831
<i>because he wasn't ready to say
goodbye to Susan or to life.</i>

1165
01:06:08,864 --> 01:06:15,270
You know, when someone gets sick
like that because it's so confusing.

1166
01:06:15,302 --> 01:06:18,239
It's not their heart
that's sick.

1167
01:06:18,272 --> 01:06:20,808
It's the mainframe,
it's the computer,

1168
01:06:20,842 --> 01:06:24,646
and that's very different,

1169
01:06:24,679 --> 01:06:26,715
<i>very different.</i>

1170
01:06:29,618 --> 01:06:33,554
<i>Lewy body gives
nobody a chance to prepare.</i>

1171
01:06:33,587 --> 01:06:39,393
The psychiatry is the disease. It's the
manifestation of the disease in the brain stem.

1172
01:06:39,427 --> 01:06:42,564
I think in this country,
this is a big problem, that mental health

1173
01:06:42,596 --> 01:06:45,234
and neurology are seen
as separate.

1174
01:06:45,266 --> 01:06:48,469
In fact, it's all
abnormalities of brain circuits

1175
01:06:48,502 --> 01:06:55,243
when your brain is not functioning to
allow you to be a fulfilled human being.

1176
01:06:55,277 --> 01:06:58,813
<i>So there's a tendency
to blame people for their behaviors</i>

1177
01:06:58,846 --> 01:07:02,717
<i>and their illness,
and a certain mindset around disease</i>

1178
01:07:02,750 --> 01:07:06,154
<i>that people are responsible for
their own disease. They aren't.</i>

1179
01:07:06,188 --> 01:07:09,925
<i>I think there's a blame-free world,
just like when someone has cancer,</i>

1180
01:07:09,958 --> 01:07:11,160
no blame.

1181
01:07:28,643 --> 01:07:32,313
<i>Robin Williams' widow is speaking
out about the beloved comedian's...</i>

1182
01:07:32,346 --> 01:07:34,649
Speaking out for the first
time since he took his life...

1183
01:07:34,683 --> 01:07:36,851
Susan Williams is breaking
her silence.

1184
01:07:36,884 --> 01:07:39,888
It's been a year since his death. I see
you're still wearing your wedding ring.

1185
01:07:39,920 --> 01:07:41,790
- How're you doing?
- I'm doing okay.

1186
01:07:41,822 --> 01:07:43,725
It's been a year of grieving.

1187
01:07:43,757 --> 01:07:45,826
<i>Uh, and it's been
a year of</i>

1188
01:07:45,860 --> 01:07:47,796
<i>really trying to get to the
bottom of what killed my husband.</i>

1189
01:07:47,828 --> 01:07:50,898
<i>Susan Schneider Williams wrote
an editorial for the journal</i> Neurology...

1190
01:07:50,931 --> 01:07:54,669
For her first TV interview since
writing about Robin's health struggles.

1191
01:07:54,703 --> 01:07:58,340
People think your husband killed
himself because he was depressed.

1192
01:07:58,373 --> 01:08:00,576
Everyone thought that he died
from suicide,

1193
01:08:00,609 --> 01:08:02,411
from depression.
But that wasn't the case?

1194
01:08:02,444 --> 01:08:04,913
No, Robin did not die
from depression.

1195
01:08:04,946 --> 01:08:11,420
Robin had a deadly disease
and it's called Lewy Body Dementia.

1196
01:08:11,453 --> 01:08:13,889
<i>Everybody deals
with grief in their own way.</i>

1197
01:08:17,025 --> 01:08:19,795
The part that needs
the focus and attention is,

1198
01:08:19,828 --> 01:08:23,764
let's cure this disease.
No one should have to go through that.

1199
01:08:23,798 --> 01:08:28,237
No one should have to feel the
level of pain that Robin felt.

1200
01:08:28,270 --> 01:08:31,540
And he's one of millions.

1201
01:08:31,572 --> 01:08:33,475
<i>But what she's done,
is educating</i>

1202
01:08:33,508 --> 01:08:36,878
everyone that cares to know
what really happened,

1203
01:08:36,910 --> 01:08:38,645
<i>the real story about
his last year.</i>

1204
01:08:38,679 --> 01:08:42,985
<i>Autopsy reports diagnosed
Williams with diffuse Lewy Body Dementia.</i>

1205
01:08:43,017 --> 01:08:44,752
<i>Lewy Body Dementia.</i>

1206
01:08:44,786 --> 01:08:48,289
<i>To a form of dementia,
he had what's known as Lewy Body Dementia.</i>

1207
01:08:48,322 --> 01:08:51,860
<i>Which was
discovered only after his death.</i>

1208
01:08:51,892 --> 01:08:55,596
<i>When you don't have a
diagnosis and you're going down</i>

1209
01:08:55,629 --> 01:09:00,668
these trails of trying to find out
what's going on, that is scary.

1210
01:09:00,701 --> 01:09:03,004
<i>The terror of where's
this coming from?</i>

1211
01:09:03,038 --> 01:09:06,907
Robin asked, "Do I have
dementia,

1212
01:09:06,941 --> 01:09:09,511
"am I schizophrenic?"

1213
01:09:09,544 --> 01:09:13,282
And okay now, right?
Is that clear or not?

1214
01:09:13,315 --> 01:09:14,782
This is what other families
are going through.

1215
01:09:14,816 --> 01:09:17,486
An example of what's
going on in many of these lives.

1216
01:09:19,486 --> 01:09:20,822
<i>Having a diagnosis...</i>

1217
01:09:21,923 --> 01:09:23,759
<i>would've meant everything.</i>

1218
01:09:27,395 --> 01:09:31,066
<i>Doing the press
for that last movie was really,</i>

1219
01:09:31,098 --> 01:09:34,703
I mean, it was very
complicated emotionally

1220
01:09:34,736 --> 01:09:38,674
and to be really blunt,
I'm really proud of the fact that

1221
01:09:38,706 --> 01:09:41,310
there were 200 people
on that set every day,

1222
01:09:41,343 --> 01:09:42,778
<i>and not one of them</i>

1223
01:09:42,811 --> 01:09:48,784
<i>spoke to anyone ever about the
struggles we saw Robin enduring.</i>

1224
01:09:48,816 --> 01:09:52,887
But it no longer feels loyal
to be silent about it,

1225
01:09:52,920 --> 01:09:56,891
but maybe more loyal
to share without shame,

1226
01:09:56,924 --> 01:10:01,562
without secrecy that,
yeah, this guy was hurting.

1227
01:10:01,596 --> 01:10:04,532
He was going through something
that he didn't have a name for yet.

1228
01:10:04,566 --> 01:10:08,970
And it doesn't bring Robin
back, but it does give clarity.

1229
01:10:09,003 --> 01:10:12,840
Because a completely
new variable was entered

1230
01:10:12,874 --> 01:10:17,478
late into the equation of Robin
Williams' life, which ended his life.

1231
01:10:17,512 --> 01:10:20,749
The Robin that we watched
all those years,

1232
01:10:20,781 --> 01:10:22,984
the man who put himself
out there,

1233
01:10:23,017 --> 01:10:26,355
the man who went overseas
to entertain troops,

1234
01:10:26,387 --> 01:10:30,057
the man who would entertain
the crews on the sets,

1235
01:10:30,090 --> 01:10:33,995
the man who would hug
and hold on to his friends.

1236
01:10:34,027 --> 01:10:35,731
That was very real.

1237
01:10:43,804 --> 01:10:48,976
<i>After he left, in his
bedside table there was a few items,</i>

1238
01:10:49,009 --> 01:10:54,048
<i>just a few things. And every once in a
while, I would pull that drawer open,</i>

1239
01:10:54,081 --> 01:10:57,651
um...

1240
01:10:57,685 --> 01:11:01,589
when I missed him,
and just wanted him to tell me something.

1241
01:11:03,157 --> 01:11:05,727
<i>I opened up that book
and I was like, "Wow."</i>

1242
01:11:13,034 --> 01:11:17,873
And I remember that when we were
talking about what we wanted to

1243
01:11:17,905 --> 01:11:22,510
<i>be able to leave
as our legacy.</i>

1244
01:11:22,544 --> 01:11:27,883
<i>And for Robin, it was that, that he
wanted to help people be less afraid.</i>

1245
01:11:40,061 --> 01:11:44,965
When you get to know Robin,
just as our friend and our neighbor,

1246
01:11:44,999 --> 01:11:47,469
like all of us knew him.

1247
01:11:47,502 --> 01:11:50,105
<i>That's one thing. But when you
actually, there's a realization</i>

1248
01:11:50,137 --> 01:11:55,510
<i>about the impact that he
had on a global basis.</i>

1249
01:12:07,155 --> 01:12:10,992
<i>The last scene for the</i>
Night at the Museum <i>franchise</i>

1250
01:12:11,025 --> 01:12:14,596
is Robin and Ben Stiller
saying goodbye,

1251
01:12:14,629 --> 01:12:18,500
and knowing that they are probably
not going to see each other again.

1252
01:12:18,532 --> 01:12:20,701
That was the scene.

1253
01:12:20,735 --> 01:12:23,906
We didn't realize that
that was real life.

1254
01:12:25,673 --> 01:12:28,109
It's time for your
next adventure.

1255
01:12:28,142 --> 01:12:30,212
I have no idea what
I'm going to do tomorrow.

1256
01:12:30,245 --> 01:12:32,815
How exciting.

1257
01:12:39,187 --> 01:12:41,923
Goodbye, Teddy.

1258
01:12:41,955 --> 01:12:44,659
Farewell, Lawrence.

1259
01:12:48,262 --> 01:12:50,965
<i>If you
saw his movies,</i>

1260
01:12:50,999 --> 01:12:57,239
Robin's movies, you saw
one side of Robin.

1261
01:12:57,271 --> 01:13:00,609
<i>But the biggest blessing
is who he was as a human being.</i>

1262
01:13:03,745 --> 01:13:08,282
He was a loving soul
and that was who he was.

1263
01:13:08,316 --> 01:13:10,519
He was totally open, you know.

1264
01:13:12,920 --> 01:13:15,624
And he understood
the bigness of love.

1265
01:13:18,058 --> 01:13:22,096
<i>Oh, man. This guy, I mean,
I feel him around all the time.</i>

1266
01:13:22,129 --> 01:13:24,565
There'll be a moment when
I just burst out laughing.

1267
01:13:24,598 --> 01:13:27,636
<i>I hear his voice
in my ear.</i>

1268
01:13:27,669 --> 01:13:30,305
It's just one of the joys
of my life, if not the,

1269
01:13:30,338 --> 01:13:32,040
I mean, that was the best
friend I ever had.

1270
01:13:32,072 --> 01:13:34,942
<i>You know what I mean?
Truly, it was just the time.</i>

1271
01:13:34,976 --> 01:13:36,844
It was the ride
of a life, man

1272
01:13:38,713 --> 01:13:42,117
I just love
him so much.

1273
01:13:53,727 --> 01:13:55,797
<i>Yeah, there's a sadness
and then you have to go.</i>

1274
01:13:55,829 --> 01:14:00,034
Then there's also hope.
Sadness, it's always like

1275
01:14:00,067 --> 01:14:02,670
you wish they hadn't
happened, but they did.

1276
01:14:02,704 --> 01:14:04,272
<i>And the purpose is
to make you different.</i>

1277
01:14:04,304 --> 01:14:06,575
<i>It's what they call
the Buddhist gift.</i>

1278
01:14:06,607 --> 01:14:08,810
<i>It's that idea of</i>

1279
01:14:08,843 --> 01:14:13,014
you're back and you realize the
thing that matters are others,

1280
01:14:13,047 --> 01:14:15,215
way beyond yourself.

1281
01:14:15,249 --> 01:14:18,954
Self goes away,
ego bye-bye.

1282
01:14:18,986 --> 01:14:22,190
You realize there are a lot
of amazing people out there

1283
01:14:22,222 --> 01:14:24,926
to be grateful for,
and a loving God.

1284
01:14:24,959 --> 01:14:28,129
Other than that,
good luck.

1285
01:14:28,161 --> 01:14:30,031
<i>That's what
life is about.</i>

1286
01:14:57,154 --> 01:15:02,154
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