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- This is just a request story
- There will be other parts.
- I'm sure this idea has been done to death, but I figured I'll put my spin on it
- Grumpy old fuck and other exciting tales.
- >You are Anon.
- >And you're just 2 days older than dirt.
- >You don't know how you ended up in this place full of ponies.
- >The one day you decide not to have peaches and creme oatmeal at a diner and suddenly, God finds it funny to just poof you in Equestria while you sleep.
- >You spend most of your time in your rocking chair on the porch watching life happen.
- >Youngsters occasionally tease you, but you're old.
- >You don't have the energy for their Tom Foolery usually.
- >You do enjoy watching these ponies go about their everyday lives.
- >Today was different though.
- >You're going shopping.
- >Looks like your gonna have to deal with any tigget pahootiny that happens in town.
- >You get out of bed and creep your way to the bathroom letting your business flop about.
- >You sleep in the nude.
- >Why do you care? You're old and no one lives with you.
- >For your age you're healthy physically, you're not some old man in a wheel chair or a vegetable.
- >You can take care of yourself.
- >You make it to your shower and turn on the water.
- >You adjust the water temperature to your liking.
- >Once done, you step in the shower and stretch and pop any bones and knuckles you feel need popping.
- >Once you finished the rest of your morning ritual you walk into your bedroom.
- >You put on a white t-shirt and some underwear, smug suspenders and pull your pants up pass your belly button, you then put on black dress socks and brown penny loafers.
- >You head into the kitchen and pour yourself some good ol' fashion Ginger ale.
- >You then go into your fridge and grab a nicely sized cantaloupe and grab a spoon and knife from a nearby drawer.
- >You have your morning breakfast and read what's in the Equestrian Times newspaper.
- >Something about some filly having more than one cutie mark.
- "HA! That foolish filly, who does she think she's fooling?"
- >"I don't know, I'm not falling for it."
- >You jump out of your seat in shock from the sudden voice that responded.
- >You feel your heart jump into your throat.
- >Who was that?
- >You turn to see a yellow pony with a pink mane.
- >Fluttershy.
- >It's beyond you why she has such interest in you.
- >You're old enough to be Methuselah's baby sitter.
- >Yet this young lemon silent pony is always keeping you company.
- >You breathe and pant trying to catch your breath.
- "Fluttershy!"
- >"Hi."
- "What in the name of Thomas Foolery is wrong with you?!"
- >"I just thought I pay you a little visit."
- "It's called knocking ya idjit chicken winged pony!"
- >"S-sorry."
- "Don't you know if I had my shotgun, I could have blasted ya half way to the moon."
- >She hides behind her mane in fear.
- >"S-sorry mister, it's just no one ever v-visits you."
- "So sneaking into my house is the best course of action? I swear you're a little screwy in the head there, missy."
- >You notice her eyes begin to tear up.
- "Oh no, not the water works again. Stop that crying you're too old for that."
- >She wipes her eyes and sniffles.
- "Now I appreciate you take time out of your day to spend time with the elderly, but I don't need your pity."
- >"Oh but I want to spend time with you mister."
- "Well in that case you can help me carry groceries, I've got some shopping to do."
- >"EEP! You got it mister! Happy to help."
- >She starts dancing in a cirle.
- >Runningmare.gif
- >Hammertime.gif
- >Moveslikejanet.gif
- >Everydaysheshufflin.gif
- "Stop your gyrating foolishness!"
- >She stops cold in her tracks.
- >"S-sorry mister."
- >You groan and walk to your coat hanger by the front door and grab your coat wallet.
- >You turn to Fluttershy with an impatient look on your face.
- "Come on Flutterskank get your flank moving, you're burning good daylight."
- >"Right away mister."
- >You walk out the door with Fluttershy close behind.
- >You take out a shopping list you written last night and review it. Then you hand to her.
- "Here, I need you to check out the items as we go along."
- >"Ok mister! I won't let you down."
- >She starts skipping and hopping as you walk into town.
- "Behave! How old are you?"
- >"Oh well-"
- "Probably in your young twenties huh? Stop actin' like a kid jeez."
- >"I'm not a baby goat."
- "Don't get smart with me!"
- >"Y-yes sir."
- >You arrive to the store.
- >And sure enough Tom Foolery shows he's not off today.
- >A filly running through the store.
- >She bumps into you.
- >She's orange and has a purple mane and tail.
- >What is her problem?
- >You notice there's a small bag of oranges that rolls out of her mouth.
- >Shoplifting.
- >Do these ponies have no shame?
- "You thieving little turd nugget!"
- >"Anon please, give her a break, Scootaloo has been through a lot." Fluttershy said.
- >She helps the filly up and hoofs her some bits to buy the oranges.
- >"Here you go Scootaloo, if you need something to eat just stop my place and I'll make you a meal."
- >"Thanks Fluttershy!"
- >Scootaloo hugs Fluttershy and go on her merry way.
- >You turn to Fluttershy.
- "See? Look at you spoiling them little devils rotten! Why back in my day the only devil was deviled ham and eggs!"
- >"She needed help Anon, sweet Celestia calm down."
- "Lets just get this shopping over with huh?"
- >You go about your shopping hoping Tom Foolery's sibling Tigget Pahootiny doesn't show.
- >Thankfully he didn't.
- >You would have slugged him a good one.
- >You finish your shopping without a hitch.
- >It was time to head home.
- >You've been in town longer than you would like.
- >You walk out the store with a few bags of groceries in your arms.
- >Fluttershy flutters over you carrying a few too.
- >You run into Scootaloo being tease by some pink filly with a plastic tiara and her useless sidekick with a silver spoon for a cutie mark.
- >That's just sad.
- >You walk over to the bitch filly that's bitching.
- >Scootaloo is crying.
- >Good God what could they have said?
- >"Blank flank! Blank flank!"
- >Younguns be crazy.
- "Hey now! Stop that blank flank foolishness or I'ma spank spank your flank, got it?!"
- >The pink bitching filly looks at you.
- >"Puh-lease, what are ya gonna do old man?!"
- >"Right?! He's SO old!"
- "Listen here ya pink and silver shit nuggets that belong at the bottom of a bucket..."
- >They gasp from your harsh language.
- "If I catch you messin' with scoots, you gonna get the boot!"
- >Wait...did you just rhyme unintentionally?
- >Well that made your day.
- >Unintentional rhyming moment: Check.
- "Now run along and think about how stupid you two look."
- >The two teasing foolish fillies run off in panic.
- >"You'll hear from my dad old man! This isn't over!"
- >Ha little ponies thinking they can take on you.
- >Ok shows over.
- >No back to the journey home.
- >You feel something tug your pants.
- >You look down and see Scootaloo with a thankful look on her face.
- >"Thank you mister."
- >Well looks like this generation has some decency.
- "Don't mention it little one, now run along."
- >She hugs your leg and goes on her merry way again.
- >You make it home with Fluttershy still on your coat tail sort of speak.
- >You put up your groceries with ease and then prepare your favorite drink.
- >Good Ol' fashion lemonade.
- >"Whatcha dooooin'?"
- >Why is she still around?
- "Well if you must know, I'm making lemonade. Would you like a glass?"
- >"Oh, yes that sounds nice."
- "Good, because you're going to make your own at YOUR house. Now get outta my hair already you're making my blood pressure go up."
- >"But-"
- "Flutters, leave, you're acting like a child today and I have half a mind to spank you over my knee."
- >"Oh my...Is spanking your fetish ,Anon?"
- >Fetish? What is she on about?
- "Fetish? What nonsense are you speaking?"
- >"Oh come on Anon, everyp0ny has one."
- "Well not me, now go on and get, before I get my lesson teaching belt."
- >"Yes mister."
- >She walks toward your door then turns around to face you as you make your lovely lemonade.
- >"I'll guess that fetish mister if it's the last thing I do, have a good day Anon."
- >She winks at you and leaves, closing the door behind her.
- >You only have thing to ask.
- "What is this Tom Foolery?"
- End of part one
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