FreekM

My comment to a certain deadly figure

Jan 16th, 2021 (edited)
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  1. First things first, I wanted to send this sooner but due to circumstances outside of my control I had to delay it by about 2 weeks (update 3 weeks dangit). Shouldn't really matter much in the end. I'm happy with the result at any rate. This comment is too long to skim through for any potential yabes but there shouldn't be any. The goal was to be as open as possble while being as non-yabe as possible and I think I succeeded.
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  5. Hello Mori, I have a lot of respect and admiration for you. You honestly intimidate me, but at the same time you are so intriguing. I believe you are what happens when you cross raw talent with extreme dedication and hard work. I love your songwriting. It honestly might be some of the most clever and creative writing I've ever seen. I love how you can just listen to your songs and discover something new you hadn't considered or realised every time you listen to them. I love your double meanings, metaphors, clever word play in both english and japanese, self-aware style and use of even more techniques that I didn't even know about. It's not for everyone but I think you're a great artist who deserves a good amount of recognition. (I feel like there's also such a thing as too much recognition.)
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  9. I think you are inspiring. You've had a positive impact on my life.
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  11. My own perfectionism often prevents me from doing much. If I don't believe I can get it right I generally won't even start. You've gotten me motivated to get stuff done and move out of my comfort zone. I'm getting one thing done everyday now. It's not much and sometimes I fail but a start is a start. Rome wasn't built in a day but even then I think I should do better. Don't believe that's just my perfectionism speaking. I've started working out again (in any way I can because gyms are still closed) and I am working on getting my drivers license. This is when I start sucking so I can stop sucking.
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  13. You've made me realize just how sick and tired of my mundane day to day life I really am. Time for my slow and steady eb and flow to subside as well. I'm moving out of my house in a number of months so that I can rent a place with a friend and finally have some say in my life. We're renting together because doing it solo would be too expensive.
  14. (unintended verses incoming, cue the beat! figuratively but literally is also fine.)
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  17. I intend to quit my shitty job when that time comes.
  18. But then what will I do? I've got no freaking clue.
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  20. 'How will things turn out?', my very phrasing says all.
  21. It's finally time for a change. shouldn't care for the fall.
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  23. Hesitation is defeat, as is known to us nerds.
  24. I guess I'll find out, Actions louder than words.
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  26. I can say a lot of garbage but at the end of the day,
  27. it comes down to what I do so stop being taken away.
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  29. The problem isn't having too little, but it's having too much.
  30. Stop holding onto everything, you should lose that damn clutch.
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  32. My immobility's been plaguing me, my life too much ease
  33. I'm getting tired of my life just being a breeze.
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  35. Your character and your story, they give me inspiraton
  36. but you'll only get so far without the dedication.
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  38. I'm sure you've had your doubts, some qualms and regrets.
  39. But you still continued, deserves my respect.
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  41. You've given me a rolemodel and some clarity in life,
  42. Dead beats I suggest you join, time to start your own life.
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  44. My words turned into verses, never happened to me
  45. it's actually kinda fun, that's just how it be.
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  48. Very random. It just happened but I'm pretty happy with the result. Hope people like it.
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  50. I find your story inspiring. Seems you've had it pretty rough. I'm certain life's been unfair to you. Don't know if you look back fondly on everything or if you're proud of all the things you've done, but I think you should be. The road must have been lonely. I'm very glad you've found such a good friend in Kiara. She seems to have had it rough too. I would like you to give her a present. I added 20 extra. I figure she will appreciate a present from her friend more than some random money from a stranger. You've already said you've been very happy since joining hololive and I definitely believe you when you say that and I'm very happy for you, but I still don't think you're all the way there yet. You self-depricate, as is your trademark. Sure, it's funny, but sometimes it feels a bit too real and it kind of hurts to hear it. Your mind, thoughts and feelings are yours and yours alone and I understand that. So please forgive me for my selfish prying. I feel that sometimes, there are certain words you need to hear, even if you've already heard them or logically deduced them yourself. And I would like to say them in my own way.
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  54. (The next part was both easy and difficult to write. It might be a bit personal but there are no yabes.)
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  56. From one heretic to another, heretics do it to themselves.
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  58. I am a romantic in a traditional sense. People may disagree and even you may disagree but art flows from the mind of the artist. The art and the artist are not detachable. Hearing your story and witnessing your art, I see nothing but beauty in it. Your art shows you are a clever, creative and interesting, person with a clear vision for goodness. Potential hypocrisy here and there included. I think your personality, the personality that has brought about this story and art, is beautiful. I have no qualms saying it, nor do I think I'm delusional in thinking it. I don't have a doubt that your personality can be very ugly when you want it to be. But the presence of evil doesn't mean the absence of good. It's the contrast that makes you human and all-round, I believe you to be quite a good one. Perhaps when you were out and about taking people's lives you may have been a bit of a villain. A little evil comes with self-assertion and it can't be helped. And what if you slack sometimes, what if you sometimes think bad thoughts, what if you sometimes underperform or are forced to underdeliver on promises? You're human. Don't think you're a faillure for not being the textbook example of the perfect person, or even a 'normal' person for that matter. Everyone slacks but I don't believe for a second that you don't try. The clear amount of behind the scenes work you've done for your genmates and all of them unanimously and, from what I can tell, genuinely speaking positivly about you at every turn. The fact you were (mostly) voluntarily doing 3 things at the same time at one point, while you could have just taken the holomoney and ran with it. Even now you're still going strong with future plans. All of that combined and your general work ethic, dilligence, vision and self-critiscism are more than enough proof to me that you are a good person. You deserve all the kindness and if anything, you're only now getting the recognition you deserve.
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  60. So stop being so hard o n* yourself. Pretty sure you've heard that enough by now but that doesn't make it any less true. You are not perfect, nor do you need to be. Difference between having high standards and chasing perfection or infintity. Usually doesn't end well. I don't want to see you end up like another Icarus. It depends on you however. I'm not telling you to do anything. Your life is your life and yours alone. You don't owe me or the other dead beats anything. But please allow me to be selfish and to voice my concerns. Perhaps you need the pursuit of perfection and that constant pressure to perform to prevent yourself from getting complacent. If that is the life you choose then that is fine. It's strange but sometimes you almost seem guilty about it. Like there's something wrong with choosing your own life or with being yourself. There's a little evil in self-assertion, It can't be helped. I don't want you to feel guilt or regrets. I want you to be honest with yourself. If you want, you can lie to us as much as you like, doesn't bother me, but I don't want you to lie to yourself. And I know you don't like doing that either. If you need a break, I want you to take it. If you need help, I want you to take it. I don't want you to feel like you're alone because you're not. When I say that I want you to stop chasing perfection, I'm not saying that you should be complacent. Quite the opposite. I want you to be tough on yourself. Very tough even. I want you to push yourself. I want you to take up new challenges. I want you to strive for greatness. I want to see you shine, and I want to see you shine bright. I want you to prove anyone who doubts you wrong. I don't think you would have it any other way. But I also want you to remember to be realistic. You are one person. You can't always be at your best. You won't always be able to deliver on your promises. You won't always be happy or have confidence. There are times when you will feel lonely and defeated. You will doubt yourself at some point and it's fine. Just know that somewhere in the world, even if you don't, there's someone who believes in you. With all his heart. No matter what. And I'm not alone. Dead beats, let her hear it! Cheer for her and cheer loud! If you believe in her then tell her now! But only if you mean it. Your boy has no need for pretty little lies. Never give up and never underestimate yourself. There are people who believe in you. Not because they have to, but because they want to. Because they recognize how awesome you can be and how awesome you already are. You may be a goofball but you're our goofball. You may be only one person but you have the power to inspire people and to help them change their lives for the better. If that isn't what a good person is then I don't know what is.
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  62. You can say this comment was cheesy but I don't care. I mean it and I stand by every word because this woman is amazing and she deserves to know it. Please excuse my rudeness, didn't really knock first. I've almost certainly made it weird but what would you expect? For a weirdo, not to make it weird? Just kidding. I'm simply speaking my mind, nothing weird about it. I am proud of you. And I want to be someone that you can be proud of. So that's what I'll do now. I will always remember my Mori, even when she returns to the underworld to continue reaping souls. And I will always believe in her. Signing off.
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  66. (P.S. Cursed Night is my favorite of your songs. There's only one thing I need to say about it though. 'Tainted' mindset? Yes, but mainly 'dated' mindset. Heresy. Perhaps better to let go.)
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  85. --------- April 5th 2021 edit ---------
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  87. Sup everyone, thought I'd give an unnecessary update. Mori's new album just came out and it's absolutely amazing. I consider it the best album she's made and I'm extremely proud of her.
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  89. So why this update? The killer always returns to the crime scene, they say. I'm just here to say that I have no regrets whatsoever. The only mistake I made was allowing myself to get talked into feeling bad about it. Those feelings were gone 2-3 days after the fact through logical deduction based on the truths that I do genuinely believe in and asserted in my comment. In human speech: I'm not going to reduce myself to a weak hypocrite by random strangers on the internet. (Too late but luckily people can change their mind and improve). Probably inevitable not to be a hypocrite at some point. Not an excuse to stop trying. Always have to keep trying and things have been going well.
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  91. I have yet to be proven wrong for believing in my Mori. And I doubt I'll be proven wrong. She keeps improving as an artist, entertainer and as a person. I'm proud of her and I keep trying to do the same. A small improvement every day amounts to a big difference in the long run.
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  93. Must say, I was laughing my ass off in the threads. Haven't checked back frequently at all but every dang time I come back there's some mention or reference to my comment. I seem to be cursed but it does put a cringe-filled grin on my face everytime, as it should.
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  95. Fun fact. Through sheer luck my friends discovered what I did. My only friend who also uses the Exquisite Chinese Cuisine Forum and who is also the only one out of my friends who doesn't watch V-tubers is the one who, through sheer luck, stumbled upon my comment in a thread about cringe superchats. Just my luck huh lmao. My friends were actually sort of concerned and were surprisingly understanding considering any and all shrimping is usually banned lol. Just strengthened the fact that I have good friends. Thanks guys. But yeah, if I ever get married (>getting married with current marriage laws) then its 100% guaranteed that this story is getting told at my wedding. Wedding's going to be a lot of fun. No, for real. I'm going to be the one laughing the loudest.
  96.  
  97. I wonder when people will find this edit. At this point I don't have much else to say other than:
  98.  
  99. Suppo'te me Mori
  100. Voibe to me Mori music
  101. Luve me Mori
  102. Simple as
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  104. Traditional deadbeat out! I'll see you fellas around ;) You're a fun bunch. You're gonna make it. Have a good one!
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  106. -------------------------------------
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  108. TL;DR https;//www.youtube.com/watch?v=8RadZKL85yM Have a laugh with me ;)
  109. (Had to shoehorn this gem in somewhere.)
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  111. P.S. I'm not deleting this pastebin because I have no regrets. Inb4 I get cancelled at some point in my life because of it. Hey, that would give me a lot of freedom. At a cost, of course but still, freedom.
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  113. P.P.S. Here's the legendary vocaroo, made by another deadbeat. https;//vocaroo.com/135e2kOXgJsT It gets my seal of approval. Vocaroo guy did a good job. (No the original intention wasn't nearly as creapy as this interpretation but hey, it's just makes the vocaroo stand out more. Also, vocaroo guy said a number of incorrect words that weren't in the original text, especially near the end from what I remember. Still great for those who like cringekino.)
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  115. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  116. *Pastebin SMART filters are so smart that they don't let me write hard o n normally but saying shitty is A.O.K. Thanks Pastebin...
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  133.  
  134. --------- Oktober 9th 2021 edit ---------
  135.  
  136. Quick edit. Wanted to say some things on the off-chance that it will be read. Will try to keep it short.
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  138. End of a Life released last week and was watching the lyric dive. I think your best songs are the slower, sadder songs. I don't listen to them a lot because they always seem to affect me. Have only listened to your new song a few times but have gotten goosebumps every time.
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  140. Just wanted to say that you really shouldn't cut yourself short. You're good at what you do. You've mentioned a couple of times that you want your music not to be too specific, so that people can better identify with the song. I understand why you do this but I think that a huge part of the strength behind your songs is that it isn't just interpretive. There's a real story there. A tough and relatable one. Like the underdog who finally got what she deserved after all the struggles. And you manage to tell a story that's both authentic and interpretive at the same time. Quality stuff simply put.
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  142. Do you deserve to be as popular as you are? I say yes. Did you get lucky? Sure, but you wouldn't have gotten here without a whole lot of work, dedication and resilience. Those people you looked up to, your peers who might be as underrated as you claim (and potentially even better than you). Their feelings are understandable. But at the end of the day, it's envy. And envy remains envy, no matter how understandable. They don't have to say 'good job' and you don't have to (and shouldn't) continue to torture yourself because of their envy. But it's not just them. What about you looking up to them and understanding their feelings? Of course you would feel bad about it. But think about it this way. You're probably right. They probably are underrated. But are you then consequently overrated? Bullsh_t. You have gained a massive exposure boost from Hololive. True. So I guess you are pretty lucky. You still had to be good enough to be accepted and make the right steps thereafter to actually be succesful, something which was not at all guaranteed, but I guess it's all just luck. I disagree. You are exactly where you deserve to be. It's not that you are overrated, it's that they are underrated. And if they want to be resentful about it or cry 'sellout!', let them. Even if it hurts sometimes. And don't let them stop you.
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  144. We are not the people you looked up to. But know that WE think you did a good job. But then again, you knew all of this already.
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  146. And yes. Your story is fantastical. Makes it all the more interesting and worthwhile. Keep going reaper. We believe in you.
  147.  
  148. (Also. Angst karaoke was great. You've gotten quite confident with streaming in general. Very good. If you ever do a similar karaoke, I think this would be a good recommendation https;//www.youtube.com/watch?v=ta-Z_psXODw . Personal favorite of mine. And no I don't expect you to sing it or even see this lol. But would be epic.)
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  152. (Same day edit. Just noticed the viewcount went up a lot in the last 6 months or so. Haven't kept up with it. Random people are still reading this? Is it really that interesting? To each their own.)
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  170.  
  171. --------- Likely last update. November 2nd 2021 ---------
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  173. Jump King was a lot of fun. Halloween was a lot of fun. Recent new songs and covers that came out were great. Hololive has given me many great moments and I still love it. But this is moment I will stop watching. It (among other things) is preventing me from accomplishing the things I want to accomplish. No one but me is allowing this to happen.
  174.  
  175. I have definitely made progress in the last year but I'm nowhere near where I want to be. Hololive has given me great entertainment but it's time to stop. Not because I dislike it but precisely because I like it. Trying to keep up with Hololive (and other things) is like I'm Sisyphus. It's an impossible task and ultimately doesn't give me a fulfilled life. Difference is that there's no god forcing me to do it, it's self imposed. So it's time to do 'fun' things a whole lot less. Ironic given that Mori has recently spoken about a period in her life when she considered anything 'fun' to be a waste of time (paraphrasing). I don't think 'fun' is a waste of time but too much is too much. (I had been thinking about this for a while before she said anything in that direction.)
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  177. Time to focus on work. Sad. Guess I won't get to see the finale of TTRPG and Doom Eternal. Or any new songs. Or what the Rest of EN and other branches are up to. Less youtube. Less vidya and anime (even though I already barely play/watch anything anymore). Exceptions will be Elden Ring and Attack on Titan. Maybe I could drop by a stream here and there but I feel like this would create a downward spiral. So it's probably better not to. I will make one exception if she actually sings Keelhauled and makes some reference or something. (I know yall have my e-mail ya dang stalkers lol. notify me if she actually does it. Would be epic. I wouldn't want to miss that but it's probably not happening because the chance is so small.)
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  179. And with that I will take my leave. Best wishes to Mori and everyone in Hololive and even to all the hecking nerds reading this.
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