Thread 10: Stories 91-105

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>77
"AJ42"

77 pours himself a bowl of cereal while 42 reads a newspaper.
>Hey 42.

"Morning 77."

>Ponies are pairing up for the Gala. Want to go with me?

Puts the newspaper down for a moment.
"...I didn't think that was mandatory."

>DT and Spike are going together.

"...then sure."
Goes back to reading.

>Great.
Eats some cereal
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>SA
"Chrysalis"
~~~~

>Okay, I thought we agreed that laying on the desk was out of the question. Sitting on the desk, fine, rubbing your ass on the desk, not fine but you weren't going to concede on that, but laying on the desk was off limits. My trust has been violated.

"Plplplpl."

>Mature.

"Stuff it, I'm doing this in lieu of sabotaging you guy's pretty dance night. You should be thankful I'm just doing this instead of setting fire to Cadence's dresses. This was plan E, I want you to know. E."

>Are you moping?

"I do not mope, I get even for perceived slights against me. Fair warning, I am considering special chemical mixtures to give Celestia explosive bowel movements. Actual explosive, as in bombs."

>Because you didn't get invited to the Gala.

"Not that I think you ponies can actually party or anything, but yes. I am irate that 18 and 42 are going, and I was somehow snubbed. This close to ordering them not to go, you know. Took everything I had not to get petty with those two."

>So, what made you choose not to?

"Ahhh, those two are still my girls. I want them to have a fun time. 42 never gets to go to a party. And hey, maybe you and Caddy will get tipsy and decide you are open to some three on one experimentation, who knows. Still, I'm planning on at LEAST setting up glue traps for Luna, and possibly just crashing the whole thi-"

>Your invitation is in the desk, Chrysalis.

"...My invitation."

>Yes. The little piece of paper next to a little ticket.

"...Whyyyy?"

>Because I asked Celestia to let you come."

"..."
>...

"...Really?"

>Indeed.

"Because... you owe me one, right? For the whole super-mode thing?"

>Nope, just thought you deserved a chance to come too.

From floundering, confused fish like gaping to a cocky smirk in under four seconds.

"HAH! I knew you would want someone to bring a REAL party with. Just admit I'm irresistible, it'll save us both time."

>You're definatley something, I'll give you that.

"Whelp!"

She stood atop the desk, kicking everything to the floor in a rush to get out.

"I'm going to go get something totally indecent and shocking. Buy me a corset!"

>The little flower things are called corsages. And I'm going with Cadence.

"A, totally knew that, and B, we both know I'm not showing up stag. Just get an extra wide carriage!"

>Chrysalis...

"Later, lover!"

She slammed the door, and Shiny followed suit with his head against the desk.

>How do I get myself into these kinds of... *sniff*... does... oh sweet Celestia, my desk smells like her ass.

He suddenly jerked upright.

>Oh sweet hellfire of tartarus, she's done this so much I know what that smells like... what the fuck happened to my life?
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>Twilight
"Cadence"
'SA'
~~~~

>SHINY HELP!

"Oh, hold still! We're only on dress slightly off purple, we still have at LEAST cobalt blue more to go!"

'Hey, you were the one that was all excited to spend time with her.'

>It's been eight hours!

"WHAT!? We've got to work faster! We'll never be ready in time at this rate!"

>IT'S NOT FOR WEEKS!

"I know, right!? Why couldn't she have given us at LEAST six months!?"

'This is the mare who planned a wedding in under a day, mind.'

"Extenuating circumstances!"

>Why isn't she doing this to you?

"What? Isn't it bad luck to see a date before the big night?"

>Isn't that just-

'ABSOLUTELY CORRECT! That is what it is. Totally, one hundred percent right, and there is absolutely no way you would ever lie to your dear, DEAR Sister-in-law and say otherwise, right? Why, I would be so upset at those lies I just might set fire to your lab and tell everyone about that one incident in magical kindergartner, the one that got you sent home that one time. But there's no need for that, right Twili?'

>...

'Your silence means yes. Good day, ladies of my life!'

"...What was that all about? So weird. Anyway, dress number fuchsia coming right up!"

>NOOOOOO!
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>Changeling
"Applebloom"
'Fancy Pants'
[Mayor Mare]
{BBB}
~~~~~~

>...

"Are ya'll oka-"

>AH!

"..."

>F-fine! Fine! Nothing to worry about here. Nope. No sireee. It is a-o-kay. Just sittin heeeeere.... on a traiiiin... waitin' for the stops.

'Don't mind her, I've met this one before, she's quite... unsettled.'

[Can't imagine why!]

{BZZT! APPLE! SHE IS GESTURING TOWARDS ME IN A HOSTILE MANNER! ADVISE.}

"Don't shoot 'er."

{WHO IS 'ER? MY INQUIRIES WERE TO THE MAY-OR!}

"Ah' said don' shoot 'er!"

{ERROR! YOU ARE CONFUSING ME!}

'Is that thing... safe?'

{SAFETY IS KEY! IT IS IMPORTANT TO REMOVE THE BRAIN BEFORE ANY PAIN CAN BE TRANSMITTED!}

>Wow, okay, um... don't wanna be uh, eeesh... kind of... you know what? Never mind. I'm....hrms...smsms...

[Regardless of what the changeling attempting to merge with the couch says, I'm not. Who let that thing on the train?]

"Ah' have ta' take him 'fer protection!"

'Yes, well, he's quite the... unfortunate looking fellow, all things considered.'

"Ain't his fault he looks like tha' jerk."

{WE CANNOT CHOOSE THE FORMATION OF OUR METAL PLATING, ONLY WHEN WE CHOOSE TO FIRE OUR GUNS, AND WHEN WE CHOOSE TO HOLD THE MICROPHONE.}

>...
"..."
'...'
[...That was... oddly profound.]

{THERE IS A SPECK OF DUST COMMONLY ASSOCIATED WITH BREATHING DISORDERS! EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINAAAAATE!}

>No no, I don't mind you shooting over me, this is fine. Don't want to upset anyone.

[Wow, wish I had hired you instead of 29.]

>Got a job, actually! Miss Glitz! Love it. Love my job. Not the shooting. Don't like this.

'Why don't you move?'

>B-but then I'll take someone elses seat! And they'll hate me, and think bad things about me all night, and then I'll never be able to say I'm sorry!

[...Wow, now I feel bad for thinking you were a disgusting bug monster.]

'Tends to happen around them, I've found.

"FER' THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS HOLY, STOP SHOOTIN'!"

{EXTERMINAAAAATE!}
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>Shiny
"Spike"
~~~~~
>Spike! I need you to be Two's date for the Gala!

"... There's so many things wrong with that I want to first ask you who are you and where's the real Shining Armor?"

>No, look, Applejack Two is cute as a button, and there's a lot of sick perverts out there who would take advantage of that. But you won't because I said so and know where you live.

"Shining, look, she's still a kid, she's not even expected to have a date-"

>This isn't about dates, Spike, this is about protecting my sweet little angel. And you WILL protect her, riiiiiiiiiiiiight?

Shining Armor puts a knife to Spike's throat. And a shotgun to the side of his head. And a rocket launcher at his groin.

"Well, I-"

>GREAT! Knew I could count on my little bro! Later!

"... But... Diamond Tiara..."

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>Spike
"???"
______

>...No.

"Mnngh."

>NO.

"Mrrfh pnngh."

>I can't even... Why do you even care about the Gala?

"Eghh."

>Protection services? Protection from what?

"Mrph ffffmgh ngh!"

>What the hell do you mean 'titans'? No, forget it, I'd best not get involved. Just, no, I've got two other dates already! I can barely make those much less-

"Mph!"

>What? Of course I care about the safety of those attending! I care about everyone, it's why I picked up a gun in the first place!

"Mmmph blrrrgh."

>Will you take that stupid potato out of your mouth?!

"...nnnnnnnngh."

>No, no, no, don't cry-I'm sorry, I'm sorry, the potato's not stupid, my mistake! It's a good potato, the best potato!

"Mmrph!"

>No, I can't pick you up at eight because I'm already... and there she goes, folks. Gaaaah, why does this keep happening to me...?
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~~~~~
"Holy craaaaaaaap..."

Spike looked over his list, somehow, he was expected to take five mares to the Grand Galloping Gala, and his Dragon Senses told him to expect more. The list had begun with Diamond Tiara, then Shining Armor added AJ2 for him, Potatojack used those puppy dog-bug-eyes, and then Rarity decided not to let Diamond Tiara deter her, and most recently, Twilight decided she wanted a date rather than stand by Celestia's side the whole evening. His schedule was looking rather packed. To make matters worse, when he asked about it, Twilight had not invented some kind of time traveling pocket watch that would allow him to relive the night over and over for each date. (not that she knew about his multiple dates)

"Wow... Guess that's why AJ Prime calls you loverboy." 42 commented over Spike's shoulder with a smirk.

"He is quite the ladies man, perhaps it's some type of dragon pheromone?" 77 suggested.

"Guys, be honest... How dead am I?"

"A lot sooner if you don't put this aside and start focusing on your training!" 42 answered. "Today, you're learning how to take a fall! Over long distances!" Then she pulled the lever on the trebuchet Spike had been seated in, sending the poor dragon flying.

"REMEMBER! TUCK AND ROLL, SPIKE!" 77 shouted his advice from earlier to the ever-more-distant dragon.
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>Twilight
"Applejack"
'Rainbow Dash'
[Rarity]
~Pinkie Pie~
-Fluttershy-
~~~~~
"Well girls... looks like we're facin' down 'nother Grand Gallopin' Gala... Any plans on gettin' out of it?"

>If all else fails, I intend to run an experiment on drinking heavy metals.

'Join the Saddle Arabian Terrorists and suicide crash into a tower. Any tower. I don't care if it actually goes down, I just plan to go splat.'

[Well some of us do actually intend to make the most of a bad situation, darling.]

~I know! I totally asked Cheese Sandwich to be my date and if we don't have fun at the Gala, we've got an after party in the works!~

'Don't do this to us, Pinkie!'

~Do what?~

>Give us the willpower to slog through this farce without killing ourselves in the distant hope of attending a better party.

"Well, good to know some o' us got somethin' to look forward too. How 'bout you, 'Shy?"

-Oh, I'm simply planning on using the Gala as my chance to find potential candidates for my harem of pleasure slaves.-

Everyone stares at Fluttershy

~Oh! It's a joke! I get it!~

"Had us there good, Flutteryshy!"

>Hahah! That was pretty good!

'Man, I didn't really believe it at first!'

Laughter is had all around... except for Fluttershy who just sips her tea

-How long do you think it would take to break Chrysalis' mind and reduce her to a cum dumpster? Discord says it shouldn't take more than a few hours.-

The laughter stops
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With the gala just mere days away, the floor of Celestia’s room was no longer flooded with past-due statements and invoices, but rather dresses of all shapes, sizes, and color, many of which the alabaster alicorn trampled over as she sauntered to the mirror, holding a glittering number to her front.

After a tense moment of deliberation, she rolled her eyes and chucked it to the side where it joined the ‘hell no’ pile.

“Starswirl damn it, all these dresses and skirts are too gaudy!” she groaned.

Gaudy wasn’t really the problem so much as every gown she tried on hardly reached back far enough to cover her bodacious rump. But yeah, gaudy.

A hollow knock saw Applejack enter, her emerald eyes taking in the scene of dress warfare with a grin.

“Tell me ya didn’t seriously think any of these were gonna fit, 'Tia.”

“Stuff an apple in it, dear,” Celestia replied distractedly, already moving towards the next dress. “It’s not my fault today’s fashion caters to those with no ass, like Cadance. I’m a big-rumped mare so I need something that can at LEAST provide some cover!”

“Might Ah suggest a tarp?”

“Might I suggest you jump out the window?”

Applejack chuckled, “Why not jus’ have Rares sew ya up somethin’? Best seamstress this side of Canterlot, ya know.”

Another dress quickly joined the ‘burn it to ashes’ pile. “Because little miss uppity ass is busy making gowns for herself and Luna.”

“Luna…?” There was no hiding the surprise in Applejack’s tone. “Ya mean 'shut-in' Luna?"

"That'd be the one, yes."

"Get outta here, she got herself a date?”

“That she did, with that plot-obsessed one, 56. She’d sooner taste Cadance’s cooking than admit it but she’s on cloud nine right now. It’s precious really….”


There was a certain dress in the 'fuck that' pile that caught Applejack’s eye and in the process of examining it, discovered it to be her ‘Applejewel’ get-up. Had Celestia really…? She snorted, turning to stare at the fretting princess. “Speakin’ of… who are y’all takin’ to this thing? Everypony’s runnin’ everywhere to get a date but you… yer’ ‘bout the only one not losin’ their head.”

“I’ve already got my partner for that evening in mind,” Celestia replied with a sudden smile.

“Oh? Well, do tell!”

“Nuh, that’s a secret,” she giggled, forgetting her dress woes in lieu of happier thoughts.

It was on the tip of her tongue to press the issue but Applejack merely shrugged, inconspicuously scooping up her ‘Jewel’ gown and heading for the door. “Suit yerself, ‘Tia. Reckon Ah’ll be on mah way, then. Gotta start gettin’ ready mahself.”

Celestia glanced at the retreating apple princess in the mirror’s reflection. “Hm, may I ask who you’ll be taking?”

“Me?” Applejack grinned as she trotted out. “Guess we’ll see, eh?”
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>32
"A. Robot, Esquire"
'Various Morlocks'

"NOBODY KNOWS THE TROUBLE THIS UNIT HAS SEEN , NOBODY KNOWS ITS CRUDE FACSIMILE OF SORROW..."

>Oh do silence yourself you vile machine.

32 (or Zhetri-Tuuhl, depending on who you ask) was bent over a boulder, examining the inner workings of his prisoner. The robotic head's cranium had been removed and the changeling was poking about amongst the wires and gears within.

>You know you can save yourself a lot of damage if you'd just tell me what I want to know.

"IMPOSSIBLE, THIS UNIT WAS CREATED WITH A SERIES OF IMPENETRABLE FAILSAFE WIRES TO DETER-"

>Are they red?

"WHAT?"

>These wires, are they red?

"AFFIRMATI-bzzt!-...WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO KNOW?"

>Oh many things, my dear automaton, many many things.

Many hours later...

"LOCATION: CANTERLOT, MAIN TARGETS: FILTHY MUD PRINCESS, THE PURPLE MAD MARE, AUNTIES CELLY AND LUNA -NONLETHAL FORCE MANDATORY-, AND FAT WHITE ONE."

32 yawned, it had been taken him hours to get a glimpse of anything that was actually going on under a hefty layer of this 'Prince Blueblood's propaganda. Ultimately he had to tell the robot to list off his objectives, but even then it didn't seem like anything of major importance had happened on the surface.

"TARGETS OF OPPORTUNITY: QUEEN CHRYSALIS-"

>Wait, what!?

"IS A VISUAL REQUIRED?"

>...yes. And bring up her file.

The robot's two eyes flared to life, projecting a hologram of 32's queen before his eyes.

"QUEEN CHRYSALIS OF THE BUG MONSTERS, EXECUTION PENDING, WAS ALLOWED ENTRY AND CITIZENSHIP INTO EQUESTRIA ALONG WITH SEVERAL SURVIVORS OF THE CHANGELING WAR. CURRENTLY DIVIDES TIME BETWEEN SABOTAGE MISSION IN THE CRYSTAL EMPIRE AND LAZING ABOUT CANTERLOT CASTLE. ELIMINATE ON SIGHT."

>You don't know the half of it...

'Zhetri-...Thirty-Two.'

>Congratulations Grelk, you don't get zapped today, what news do you bring?

'News from the tunnelers, we have found a way out...a way to the surface.'

>Interesting, tell the tunnelers they will receive double rations for their dedication and diligence.

'I cannot.'

>Why?

'When they broke through, the eternal light shone upon them, their skin sizzled, their eyes nearly melted from their sockets, nothing remains of them but bones and slurry.'

>Compensate their families then, though I did warn them about the sun's intensity. Grelk, send for a cadre of hunters.

'You intend to go up there, chieftain?'

>I do, at night, when the world is as dark as your caverns, we will go to the city of your long lost cousins and...see what shape it's in.

'At once, chieftain.'

"WHAT ABOUT THIS UNIT?"

32 smirked at the head.

>You're coming with me, after all, what's a field trip without a lecturer?

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>Spike
“Spitfire”
________

The fireplace crackled in the common area and two glasses of cider clinked together in a toast of sorts.

“So. Gala. Big news all around, eh?”

>You don’t know the half of it….

“…you alright there, buddy? You’re looking kind of anxious.”

>Just saying ‘fuck my life’ over and over again in my mind.

“Mare troubles?”

>You know what? I’d welcome mare troubles at this moment. Mare troubles I’d love. But no, that’s too tame for me. Bad enough I’ve got to juggle more dates than I can count on a claw, I’ve got… this.

He slid a letter to Spitfire, one obviously crumpled in a fit of lunacy. The handwriting within was ghastly and caused her eyes to cross, yet after a few moments turning her head this way and that she managed to make it out.

“‘Will you… hit moose’-”

>Be my.

“Really? You can read this chickenscratch?”

>That’s not even the worst part. Keep going.

“Man, my brain hurts reading this but… ‘Will you be my… date to the… Gala’? Who in the hell sent you this? A manticore?”

>Read the front….

“…‘From your numbah one tickler’. Is this from that…?”

>Yeah.

“The thing that keeps dragging you off to…?”

>Unfortunately.

“Awwww, and it’s got a smiley face on it!”

>Shut up, Spitfire…

NON CANON
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>SA
"Chrysalis"
~~~~

>Alright, go ahead and show me.

"You have to turn off all the light first. All of them. It has to be pitch black for this power to work.

>Fine...

"...Ta-daaaaa!"

>What?

"Isn't it awesome?"

>How am I supposed to tell? I can't see anything. Here, I'll just do a little spark-

"NONONOWAITARRRRRRRHHHHHHHHHH! PAAAAAAIN!"

>Shit! What the hell happened to your eyes!? They look like... like some kind of weird honeycomb thing.

"It was my Changeling power!"

>Are you alright?

"NO I'M NOT ALRIGHT YOU ALMOST BLINDED ME!"

>...How? I didn't even light my spark. You cut me off when I was still gathering it.

"Any light could blind me you asshole!"

>But you get to see in the dark, right?

"Yeah!"

>...

"...Now you see why I never use this. Ow. Owwww..."
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>Applejack
“Celestia”
‘Spike’
________

“Fuck!”

>Listen here, 'Tia, if yer’ gonna barge into my room, can ya do it a little bit more… whoa.

‘Applebutt? Tell me I’m not seeing what I think I’m seeing. It’s just a hallucination from the overwork, right? Gotta be….’

“Fuck!”

>Naw, Ah reckon we’re seein’ right, Spike….

‘We are? Really? Well then…*deep inhale* BWAHAHAHAHA!’

“Fuck!”

>See, an’ this is why Ah keep slashin’ the cake budget, ‘Tia. When it gets to the point where yer’ plot gets caught in the doorway, Ah think we have an issue.’

‘HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!’

“FU-”

A beam of piercing white light burst through the ceiling and struck Celestia in the muzzle, causing a bar of soap to appear in her mouth.

“FNNGH!”

>Land sakes… guess it’s time to break out the butter again.

‘GWAHAHAHAHA!’
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>SA
"Celestia"
~~~~

>Really? You picked me to go dress shopping with.

"Going to be blunt with you, you're probably the only real stallion friend I have. The other guards are nice, but none of them know how to have fun like you did."

>Hah. Remember when you tried to go "in disguise" to see that one movie?

"I still think I had most of them fooled."

>They kept bowing.

"Clearly they were trying to see up my trenchcoat. Oh! Remember when we had a balancing contest on the spears?"

>Heh, broke my jaw in two places. You got off lucky, landing on that ass of yours.

"You could almost hear the soft, pillow like thump."

>...

"...You miss it too?"

>Of course I do. Hanging around the castle, joking around with you, doing all sorts of silly things, getting wasted together and going nuts-

"Tribune still hasn't forgiven you for sullying his vision, by the way."

>-it was just an amazing time.

"..."

>...I'm sorry for making you feel unloved.

"Shiny, you know I was just being-"

>Neglected, and constantly told you were doing a bad job, and being 'shown up' by someone you trusted and considered a friend, while that friend just outright stopped talking to you... I was kind of a dick.

"I just over-reacted, I was under a lot of stress."

>Maybe, but that doesn't mean I wasn't a pretty terrible friend for letting it get like that in the first place.

"...Well, then you have to make up for it!"

>And how's that?

"By helping me find a dress that actually fits me!"

>You ask the impossible, Bongobutt!

"No, Hornio the First, we can do this! I believe in the me that believes in us!"

>Hrmmm.... I'VE GOT IT!

"Oh?"

>We need... assistance. TO THE CRYSTAL EMPIRE!

"We'll take the Celestia Rocket!"

>"AWAY!"

They loaded into the rocket, preparing for what was to be a two minute and horrifying trip.

"Shiny?"

>Yes?

"...Promise me you'll never stop sending those notes again. I need those to get through the day at this point."

>It's a promise. AWAY!

And away they went.
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>Applejack
“AJ42”
_______

“You, uh… you called for me, Apple Prime?”

>Yes, Ah d-wait, apple prime? Who the hay’s that?

“Um, you? You’re the prime apple nearly all the Changelings got their name from, remember? Me, 18, Two, 29… basically all of us except for 77.”

>Oh. Huh, Ah forgot all about that… Ah see yer’ still wearin’ the helmet there.

“Best gift I ever received, ma’am.”

>’Cause it was from Chrysalis?

“W-well, I m-mean, that's not-it just took a long time to make a-and…”

>Hey, hey, no need to look embarrassed, jus’ askin’, sugarcube. But anyway, Ah called ya hear because Ah wanted to discuss that stack of pictures ya got under yer’ bed, the ones of Shinin’-

“HOW DID YOU FIND OUT?”

>…wait. Whatta ya mean how did Ah-

“I CAN EXPLAIN I SWEAR IT!”

>Ah… was kiddin’? It was jus’ a joke to break the ice…

“…”

>…sooooo… do ya really have-

“NOPE.”

>Spike was right, y’all do get loud when ya get flustered.

“NOT FLUSTERED.”

>Okay, ya know what? Here's what we’re gonna do. Yer’ gonna walk outta my room and we’ll both forget this meetin’ ever happened, alright? Sound good? We’ll try this again in a few hours.

“ALRIGHT!”

And Applejack watched as 42 bowed so low and so fast that her forehead cracked off the ground before she awkwardly shuffled from the room.

>…that Changeling’s got it bad.
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