Flight 9525 Cockpit Voice Recorder Transcript

Pilot: I have to drain the schnitzel, can you handle zhings for five minutes?
Co-Pilot: Ya, ya, I got dis.
[Sound of pilot getting up, walking away, closing door behind him]
Co-Pilot: hmm... handle zhings...
Co-Pilot: better make sure I'm not disturbed...
[beep]
[lock mechanism engages]
Co-Pilot: Now zhen...
[zipper sound]
[fap sounds]
Co-Pilot: mmm ya...
[fap sounds]
Co-Pilot: mmm...
[fap sounds]
Co-Pilot: Oh!
[yoke bump sound]
[plane accelerates downward]
[fap sounds]
Co-Pilot: Oh ya!
[knocking]
Pilot[slightly muffled]: Andreas? Andreas what's going on in zhere?
Co-Pilot[panicked]: Uh nozhing, uh hold on!
[knocks louder]
Pilot: Andreas let me in!
Co-Pilot: Just a minute!
Pilot: Andreas the plane is going down, what zhe hell are you doing let me in!
[harder knocking]
Co-Pilot: Just one more minute, I'm almost done!
Pilot: Andreas!
[Pounding on door]
Co-Pilot: Ah, ah, Ah
Pilot: ANDREAS!
[Pounding frantically, followed by bashing and muffled panicked cries]
Co-Pilot: Ah, AH, AHHH, AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH
[loud crash cut off by static]