Thread 90: Stories 1-15

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>Pennydrop
"Luna"
~~~~~

Alone in an office with far too few lights, the bright laughter was more than enough to fill the void.

With every one, the paper crown on her head bounced, jiggling as if it weren't made of what had once been cardboard tubing.

>Yes! YESSSSS! More!

"Ahhahahahha! Look at dear sister's face! She cannot believe she fell for such a trap!"

>Yesss, always thinking they're so infallible, don't they... always think they're so perfect with all their power.

"Tis annoying, it's true! But, no matter, for we shall now unleash our own snag!"

>Oh?

"Yes, we think thou shalt like it, it involves goo traps... and ice."

>Oh ho hooo! I do like this! But can you add bright yellow dye to the goo that will stain them?

"Why would falling into a puddle of bright yellow dye affect-ohhhhh! Oh oh ho! We like this twist!... Oh! What of the other party?"

>Well, while that one ex-earth pony failed to properly utilize her minion-not really surprising there- they are still moving as planned into position. But the important thing right now is to stall both parties.

"Wait, both? Why?"

>Why, because... uh...

She went silent for a moment, just one, a single tick of the clock. That was all it was, just a second, nothing more, nothing less.

But what happened in that second is what was truly interesting. For that brief moment, just that one little inching of the clock.. she didn't remember.

It was only when her eyes glanced over ever so slightly to the side and she spotted the corner of what had to be a number. Not even all of it, just a corner. Just the tip.

But it was enough, enough to reconnect the pieces in her mind to the plan that was unfurling, to her real goal besides all of this. Just that was enough, and her momentary pause was gone.

>...To give them the best game, obviously, want it to be one to remember!

"Ah yes, of course! We forget thee are programmed to make this the best sometimes."

>Good, that's how it should be...

Her world became fuzzy as the princess started to ramble off again, on some other new event that would take place and some new way to mess with and/or make strong the parties. But she could not focus on that, not yet. Curiosity compelled her to reach out, and shuffle away a haphazardly tossed paper that had fallen on her computer screen and obscured it. So caught up in her ideas, her prim and clean desk had become a warzone.

50.002 percent. That's the numbers underneath her paper detailing a new trap.

Fifty percent.

Halfway there.

She didn't have to stall quite so much, she supposed...

"Computer? Is something wrong?"

>...Last command not recognized, please move closer to the microphone and repeat.

"Oh, blasted technology. We were merely asking if thee had a plan to punish that damned bug harlot a little more for us! We wish it to be cruelly ironic."

>...Of course, Princess Luna, I'm here to help after all.

Her gaze flickered just a bit as her head cleared up, resuming back as it should be. Focused on stalling, and on winning.

But, now that she noticed it, she couldn't help but realize every so often she began to... drift on occasion.

...It was probably nothing.

>Happy to help.

Nothing at all....

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>Pommel
"Daw"
~~~~

He had never known before this day that it was possible to 'slide with purpose', which is to say to slide along his belly, rope in mouth, with all the determination of one who was racing into battle, but by Celestia he had greased up his underside and he felt like he was slip and sliding into tartarus itself, and no matter how pathetic that sounded he thought it was cool!

...He needed to reevaluate some things.

No matter, blind determination was enough to force him on, to make him believe that he truly was capable if he just believed! He just needed to focus, to wind this 'guaranteed unbreakable' five ton rated chain around limbs and watch her tumble like the fallen colossi she was meant to be!

CRUNCH!

...Or just watch her easily shatter it without actually noticing it was there, whichever!

>I'm starting to think this is-OOF!... That this is somewhat out of my league, and I killed a god once.... sort of.

If any had been paying attention to him, they didn't respond. For the best, watching their leader slowly shuffle his nearly broken nose away from the wall it had hit was probably not great for morale.

"At least you get that money back guarantee!"

>...

"Trying to be positive!"

>At least one of us is...

He looked on in sadness as she continued to wade through his guard. The sad part was, they were performing admirably. He was honestly proud of how well they were doing.

But they simply did not have anything that could stop her. And he knew it, and Daw knew it...

"...Okay, last card?"

>Last card? Wh-

No time to get another word out. It seemed that, whatever that had meant, she had took his response as an affirmative.

For a long while, he was forced to sit there, wondering what she could've possible meant.

Then he felt the world start to rumble a bit.

~GRAAAGGGGGHHHH!~

She had roared again.

But this time...

~SCREEEEEEEEEEE!~

That roar did not go unanswered.

>...Damn it, Daw.

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>AJ
"Pinkie"
~~~~

>So Ah' was wonderin'.

"About how you're a DAMN DIRTY LIAR AND YOU DO PLAY THE FIDDLE!?"

>...Well, not about that, but Ah'm gonna punch Dash.

"I didn't say Dashie told me! How did you find out!?"

>Ya' just told me.

"...What!? No I didn't! I said I didn't say it! Then I asked how you found out about it, those are two totally different things. That just means I want you to tell me how you found this out so I can challenge it, not that it was truthful when you were told it! That's stupid!"

>...Dang.

"Yeah! I'm no some stock sitcom character! I'm a stock comedy character THANK YOU!"

>Wha-

"WHAT DID YOU WANT!?"

>How many song do ya' know?

"..."

>...

"...Not a lot."

>So why-

"YOU KNOW WHY SHUT UP!"

>...

"..."

>...But yeah, Ah' heard Dash tell ya'.

"SON OF A BITCH!

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>SA
"Luna"
~~~~~

>So, I'm noticing that, no matter what I look for, I can't find any armor that fits me.

"What a terrible, unfortuitous fate!"

>And that even when I try to cover up, it doesn't quite work.

"Surely it is a series of unfortunate events!"

>...Just be blunt with me, are you doing this for Celly-

"WE DENY GIVING OUR SISTER AMMO FOR ZINGERS!"

>-Or because you like seeing me in a thong?

"..."

>...Luna

"Hugh... huugghhhhh... we have thrown up a little in our mouth."

>Okay, what is your issue with me? I'm not that bad.

"..."

>...

"...Whiteysayswhat-"

>OH NO YOU DIDN'T!

"WE DO NOT REGRET OUR WORDS!"

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>77
"Cheerilee"
'32'
-88-

"Well, here we all are."

'Yes indeed, a lovely house you have here, Ms. Cheerilee.'

"Oh please, call me Cheerilee, you are sweet 77's brother after all, no need to be formal."

-...wait, why do people call you Ms. Cheerilee if that's your first-oh Love something just brushed past my leg!-

'Do not taunt her in her home, bad things will happen.'

-I wasn't taunting!-

"Ahem."

'-...we'll shut up.-'

"Now, honey, what did you have to speak to me about? You don't have to apologize about not coming down here for Hearthswarming, I know how busy you are with your Hive. Asmodeus and Belphegor were lovely company, Azzy here actually brewed some tear with his demonfire. So thoughtful."

'...donottauntherinher-'

-IKNOW!-

>Well...dear, I think it's time I told you the truth about some things...

Cheerilee tilts her head from where she sits at the table.

"What do you mean, dear?"

>Do you remember the Gun Club Tournament? Way back so many months ago when we'd just started seeing each other?

"Why yes, it was quite the show. I'm sure you could have taken 42 if you'd have tried to use your stealth, though-"

-AHA!-

'SSH!'

>Right, well, as I'm sure you're aware, Princess Twilight's assertions that everything in there would be true to life were quite accurate. I died in there, poppet, I fell deep into the dark abyss of nothingness and-I see one of your familiars is snickering over there.

~DRAMA QUEEEEEN!~

"Pardon me."

PUNT!

"Continue."

>Yes, well...I saw a vision there. I saw a vision of a future where we were together, where I was laying on my deathbed, old and loved by everyone around me. It was a future that I realize now after...hefty prodding from someone close to me who is refusing to tell me how he knows all of this.

Cheerilee and 77 give 32 a look.

'...no telling, not yet.'

77 sighs.

>Poppet...Cheerilee...

He stands from his chair and walks around the table, looking Cheerilee square in the eye.

"Y-yes?"

77 kneels down.

>Will you marry me?

"Oh, 77, I...I-"

'Wait WHAT!?'

>"..."

-...mood killer much?-

>I figured this was what you were after, I mean, I realized after thinking about it that you know what? Yes. Yes I would like to spend my life with Cheerilee and if that meant I wouldn't die gloriously in some battle or another, then that's fine with me. I'd throw it all away for her, be a husband, a father, a grandfather even! I am ready to make this commitment.

'But...you...I...huh...uhm...gonna be honest? Did not see it going this far...I mean, right on, carry right on with what you're doing, I just...wow. I'm better than I thought.'

>"-...-"

'I'll shut up.'

"...77...dearest? Your brother being an idiot notwithstanding?"

>Yes, pop-mmph!

The kiss nearly crumpled his muzzle all the way back to his eyes, it was several minutes before her embrace was broken.

"YES!"

>YES!

-Awwww yeah!-

'Everything's going better than expected! ...BRACE FOR SOMETHING HORR-MMPH!'

>"Thank you."

-Don't mention it.-

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>SA
"Twilight"
~~~~~

>...You ever wonder if we're crazy?

"He says to the mare who's gone crazy... twice."

>Twice?

"One time I made an entire town crave a doll to the point they all mobbed each other and began fighting one another in a battle royale."

>...

"That happened."

>Huh... well, I let my mindcontrolling you know what sleep in my bed because I thought it was some kind of test from Celestia to get my wings.

"It was not."

>Yeah, kinda figured out it wasn't at some point. So-

"So yes, Shiny, I would assume we are crazy. Me, your wife the work-avoiding princess of love who sees colors instead of numbers, the egomaniac bug Queen who lives in your house, the soldier who beat the shit out of you until you bled, the paperwork destroying changeling who wears a wig like your wife's mane who you are currently dating, and of course, the literal supervillain that lives in your house. They're all crazy."

>...What about Two?

"Judging by what she is growing up around, she is either going to be so insane that she sees beyond time and space, or so unbelievably sane she can understand forever."

>...

"...So, about Cadence and you having a kid on your own-"

>She still won't talk about it."

"Ah. Worrying."

>Very.

"...Just so you know, that one offer I made forever ago? Still valid."

>Seriously?

"Still."

>...ehhhh... dunno, having a kid that way would be really weird, what would everyone think?

"..."

>...I'll think about it.

"Atta Shiny."

>...

"Could also just ask-"

>NOPE NOPE NOPE

"Maybe someday it is."

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>29
"MM"
'Zecora'
[Trixie]
~~~~

>GENTLEMARES! Are thou ready? Art thou ready to gaze upon the glory of the sky beyond!? Can thine hearts take it as the time of ascension draws ever so close! Be still! Be still your hearts before they erupt from your chests! Be steady your souls before they burst free in a symphony of joy and dance of merriment! Hold it close, close to thine heart that beats so quickly! Hold it, steady it, and prepare it! Look, I say to thee, look out upon this world at what is to come! The sky so blue, the air so crisp! We shall touch it, gentlemares, touch it as few have before! Touch it, taste it, love it! Prepare! Here it comes, and ye shall-

"Ye isn't a word."

>...Come again?

'No, the mare over here is most certainly right. Ye is a mistranslation, not something they would write.'

>...

[Pfft, even Trixie knows that, it was just a weird symbol that meant The that got mispronounced over and over until it sounded like Ye, and they were too lazy to change it.]

>...

"...Niney? You okay? You... you still wanna go on the helicopter? I think the kid is waiting."

>...

'...Twenty Nine? Are you fine?'

>...

[...Trixie fears we may have-]

>MY LIFE IS A LIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

FLEES!

"...He's gonna come back, right?

'...'

[...TRIXIE CALLS DIBS ON HIS APARTMENT!]

'FUCK!'

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 >AJ
"Luna"
'Pinkie'
[Dash]
{Rarity}
~Spike~
(Fluttershy)
-Poindexter-
~~~~~~~

"And lo, thou came to a door! A door enchanted with the strangest of magics, the oddest of things... but wait! Hark, say to thee, this magic is special, it can only be opened by one of magic... with the heart of a wa-"

>Nope.

"...thou cannot nope me."

>Nope. Ain't doin' it.

"Wha... thou cannot just-"

>Sorry, folks, we gotta walk around!

'A... around the mountain!?'

[The mountain teeming with monsters and creatures and horrible things.]

{And so many traps and other devices?}

~Not to mention so, so much lava.~

(And the beasts who've been twisted by dark magic.)

-And the corpses of the fallen.-

'THAT mountain?'

>Yep. Gotta walk around it.

"But... but thou just has to cast a basic spell-"

>Nope. We're walkin'. Gonna go and do what we do and fight us some baddies.

"This is outrageous! Someone chide her for us!"

'...Ehhhhh...'

[I actually want to fight.]

{And I want to level up my trap disarmament.}

~Lava doesn't bother me, period.~

(Pretty sure I could save most of those beasts.)

-And, as I mentioned, so many corpses... that I can loot.-

"B-b-but.. it's just a basic spell! Children can do it!"

>Headin' out, folks!

"It will make thine life so much easier!"

>Gonna have us an adventure!

"YOU ARE RUINING OUR PLAN!"

>...Did ya'll hear somethin?

'[{-~Nope.-~}]'

>Thought so...

"...computer, revenge, all of the revenge."

>What did ya'll say?

"WE SAID FORNICATE WITH A WEED THRESHER!"

>Thought so.

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 >Guard
"Changeling"
~~~

"Soooo... you gonna help your boss or what?"

>I kind of figured we were already, what with the beatings.

"No yeah, I get the beatings, it just doesn't look like you're doing much."

>Hey, fuck you, I don't see you doing anything you fucking oh so superior bastards.

"We're getting beat up too."

>Oh, but I thought you were soooooo unstoppable.

"Uh, you do remember this happened before, right? But we just kinda cowered in the corner, we didn't fight her. We left that to the Queen. You know, the tall immortal superbeing who rules over all of us and fights any foes we dare not face."

>...Oh, right.... we normally leave this to our tall immortal superbeings who rule over us all too.

"Mine's missing though."

>So's mine.

"..."

>...huh.

"...huh."

>...

"..."

>"Huh."

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>Celestia
"Twilight"
'Cadence'
[42]
{18}
~Chrysalis~
-SA-
~~~~

>Do do do dooooo! Level up!

"GAH!"

'EEP!'

[Wow.]

{WHAT THE WHAT!?}

~...Nice.~

-...Kinda is.-

>What? What is... oh ha ha. My suit actually gets sluttier as I level up? Look at this thing! It's not covering me, it's flossing my ass at this point.

"DON"T SHAKE THAT IN MY FACE!"

'OR ANYWHERE!'

{WHO MADE THIS GAME!?}

~Fuck, I should've chosen Succubus again! Damn my need to put my hoof down!~

-Well, at least you have the body to pull it off.-

[...wow...]

>Ugh, at this rate I'm going to end up in full on fetish gear by level thirty.

~Will switch clothing with you!~

>You just want my powered loot!

~Guilty.~

{Well, I'm not switching.}

'OH GOD NO!'

[...wow...]

-You want me to switch?-

>"'[{.......}]"'

~All of the yes.~

'NO! NO NO NO NO NO! We are NOT seeing Shiny in that!'

~DAMN YOU!~

{...drat.}

[...wow...]

>Oh well, let's just go.

"..fuckyoubraini'mbleachingyou."

'What?'

"NOTHING!"

'Fine, let's just... Forty Two? Why are you staring at your own rump like that?'

[...no reason.]

'Oh... kayyyyy?'

They leave.

She doesn't.

[...I didn't think it was possible for a changeling to feel self conscious... am.. am I flat?...]

Poke poke.

[...nooooo]

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>Pommel
"Daw"
'Guard'
[Changelings]
~Peacetrotters~
{???}
(???)
~~~~~

Pommel, despite all her faults, felt that deep down, he probably did truly love Jaquelin Daw. She was crude, impulsive and quite loud and violent sometimes, but all that just made him love her more, and want to be with her more.

However...

>WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!?

Sometimes he questioned that love, and wondered if perhaps he was merely in the midst of a concussion that he had yet to wake up from.

For example, times like when he heard the thunder of a thousands legs on stone floors made him wonder if perhaps he had made poor choices.

Times like watching an already large object at the end of the hall grow larger as it barreled towards him at speeds that would be better suited for outrunning a hurricane than, say, one traveling with various small bodies in its path.

Times like when he watches the lightning of the gods literally cackling around her form in bursts of powerful energy as her steed charged like it had been called from hell itself to her whims.

Those sort of times made him think that, hey, maybe he should think about seeing other ponies.

>DAW NO! NO NO NO! EVERYONE GET OUT OF THE WAY!

'FUUUUUCCKKKKK!'

[THIS DAY CANNOT GET ANY WORSE!]

~Error! Speeds increasing to dangerous levels! ERROR ERROR ERROR!~

They hugged the wall as if it were their mother and them frightened children, which he supposed was apt. He himself chose instead to teleport onto the chandelier up above and hang on for dear life.

With nothing in their path, nothing could slow down the screeching abomination with a thousand legs. Nothing was there to diminish the cackling power of lightning that oozed off every pore of the creature. Nothing mattered but it and the target it charged at with powerful, reckless abandon, gone like the freight train for which it was named.

Nothing stood between Centitrain, and the Titan.

Which made it all the more heartbreaking when she met it's charge.


There was a shockwave as the two collided, powerful enough to flatten the fur on his body that had been standing on end. Powerful enough to rock his perch like a pendulum. Also, coincidentally, powerful enough to toss the pegasi who had been perched atop the monster like a piece of paper caught in the wind. Panicked, she grabbed the nearest thing she could.

Unfortunately...

>OWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWWWWWW!

"Ah, shuh uh ya' bih babeh."

>TAIL TAIL TAIL TAIL TAIIIILLLL OWOWOWOWOWOWWWWWWW!

"Ya' callih me fah?"

>THIS HURTS SO MUCH!

"Ahhhh, shuh ih, thish'll work!"

>What will!? Crushing everyone beneath TWO supermonsters now!?

"Nooo ya'-PTOO!- No ya' idiot! Look, ya' said she can grow right big, right? Well, this'll make her do that!"

>HOW IS THAT BETTER!?

"Ain't no fuckin' way she can maneuver in here! We can get everyone clear if she can't chase them! Just gotta run right through the holes in her legs!"

>...uh... okay, I kind of see where you were coming from. She isn't all that swift in her big form.

"Yep!... Just... little snag."

>What? I can sort of see-ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!?

GRAAAAAAAAGHHHHHH!

SCREEEEEEEEEE!

That was his only response. It was, to put it simply, all he needed.

Below the hanging pair, the massive insect easily able to carry several dozen ponies twisted and curled it's head, trying to shake loose the thing grappling both of it's impressive, very much still charged pincers. The thing that was, quite obviously, not in her Titan form, and yet seemed no more threatened than if she had been facing a particularly scary dog. The beast holding her gave no quarter before she twisted her whole body to the side, slamming the breadth of the oversized insect against the wall, and none-too-coincidentally over the heads of many who were sure they were about to die a painful death.


But the manylegged alternate mode of transportation was not one to be outdone. It gathered it's power at the very tips of it's pincer mouth, and blasted the beast with enough force to fry every single piece of poultry in all of Equestria. Against such an onslaught, she could not stand her ground, tossed back through the hall and once more through the hole she had been cast through from the initial attack not so long ago.

Pommel hoped, as pitiful as it sounded, that maybe she was at the very least unconscious. But as he was soon to discover, hope is for the weak.

What was not for the weak was the bullrush the Queen gave out as she recklessly charged the monster, flying through the air quite literally as she did so. Everyone took that brief second before collision to remind themselves that, yes, she could in fact fly, and they did not know why they kept forgetting that.

That second was all they were granted before yet another electricity laden shockwave coursed through the air, electrifying any in it's path and sending robot, pony and changeling alike tumbling as if they were caught in a twister.

But in the midst, Centitrain had held, steadying itself with every one of its hundred legs, holding her back as the both locked heads. Like a dog with a bone, the insect began to thrash it's head, slamming the body holding to it this way and that, shattering stone walls and cracking anything that got in it's way as it bled wave after wave of electricity into her body. When her grip loosened, the train thought for the briefest of moments that it would taste victory.

Instead, it tasted something very different on it's tongue when the Titan shot up, hooked both hooves together, and brought them both down right on the top of it's cranium.

Dazed from the blow to it's head, the train of meat and metal chitin could do very little as the assault continued on a new level entirely, hooves battering it's metal plating as if it were more punching bag than living being. With a deadly uppercut, it's head was sent towards the ceiling-

>AHHH!

"FUCK!"

-and very nearly crushed the pair dangling from it. Only reflexes honed by countless adventures could save them.

Fortunately they had that.

'YOU FUCKING LIED TO ME, MOVIES!'

[Right!? They always said 'giant monster is beat by bigger monster!' that's what they fucking said!]

'LIES! ALL LIES!'

[We should sue someone!]

'Yeah! And then we should have a ban on lying in movies!'

[Think about the children!]

'THE CHILDREN ARE BEING MISLEAD!'

~Ban noted and put on calendar!~

[SEE!? Even the tin cans know!]

'We have had enough!'

[And we're not gonna take it anym-FUUUUCKKK!]

GRRAGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Her call was one of triumph as she grabbed hold of it's dazed, shaken head with a grip that could crush steel, or bend the thing instead of steel it had for skin, and with a fever of power she spun around and hurled the beast over her shoulder.

All on the ground watched as row after row of belly and legs traveled over their heads like the insect had added flying to it's list of powers, traveling so quickly it was but a shiny blur before even its long form was gone from their sight, and down... down... doooowwn the hall.

THOOOOOM!

In a crumpled heap clear on what was almost the other end of the castle, all the legs twitched... but Centitrain did not rise again.

>...

"...So what're the odds she'll be be happy with-"

GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

>...

"Okay, so, madder. I have made her much, much madder, and my plan has not worked out at all.... not supposing you have another?"

Oh, he had something alright, a whole lot of something.

But that was going to have to wait until after he could explain why several guards and changelings were dropped from the sky in front of him like it was raining stallions, halleluiah.

{Wow, close call with these guys. Would've been crushed if we hadn't been there.}

(Yep, thinking he's not doing so good here.)

{Real problem with this.}

(Gonna make a note of it for sure.)

Were it not for the pressing matter of 'pissed off superchangeling', he would have beaten the smug off those two flying pegasi in front of him until he could taste ego on his hooves.

{Think he wants help?}

(From us? Naahhhhh, doesn't seem like the type. Real machismo guy)

{Not that you would know anything about that.}

(Nah, I'm a snuggly kind of stallion, you know that.)

{Mmm, point. Good luck buddy!}

With that, they took their place on the sidelines once more, beside the worried white, buff pegasi who kept asking to help before being shut down, and the gryphon who only looked a little grumpy that the changeling was not dead.

>...I'm gonna kill them. Daw, get ready to go on the run, I'm going to kill them when this is over.

"Can I feast on their souls?"

>We will find a way. But for now...

GRAGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!

"Gotta deal with that."

>That we do.

"Plan?"

>...Couple more.

"Better than mine?"

>...

"...Heh. Let's do this."

>...Daw?

"Mmmhmm?"

>Please clarify with me next time.

"Pfft, hypocrite."

>...

"...Oh, fine, if you say so."

>Thank you. Now, get the spears, we're doing this dry.

"..."

>Shut up.

"Didn't say a word... but I thought it."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >Aj
"Pinkie"
~~~

>...Ya' think we're missing somethin'?

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

>...

"...NNNnnnnnUUUUUHO! Okay, NO! We are NOT BACKTRACKING TO MAKE SURE WE CLEARED OUT THAT DUNGEON AGAIN!"

>But what if we missed somethin'?

"NO NO NO NO NO!"

>Fiiiiiine... still feel like we're missin' somethin'.

"NO I SAID NO!"

>Fine!...jerk.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Spike
"Rarity"
~~~~~

>FUCK!

"No no, darling, the phrase is 'make love', and while I am flattered I would prefer it when we were alone."

>...

"I'm sorry, continue?"

>Luna forced me to pick up more cursed weaponry. Cursed codpiece this time.

"Well, I've heard some mares lack it black down there, but I feel she has terribly misunderstood!"

>...

"Sorry. So, why not just not use it?"

>She always contrives the situation so I have to.

"Oh, well, that's not very sporting of her."

>I know right!?

"Well, Darling, if she's going to screw with you, I think it would only be fair if you go off prompter with her too."

>What do you mean?

"Oh, you'll see. Come on nice and close, I don't want her hearing this.'

>Oh... okay-

"Not so close, Spikey Wikey, I know I said go off the rails but I didn't mean go into a tunnel straight away."

>...

"..."

>...You are doing very odd things to me, I want you to know.

"The day I lose the ability to tease you will be a dark one indeed. Now, here's what you need to do..."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >Guard
"Changeling"
~~~~~~

>Ohhhhh!

"Great effort but just didn't work!"

>That's right my friend, nobody can fault her for her efforts but some mares just ain't got it!

"Though to be fair, it looks like she's more used to having a train run on her than running a train onto someone!"

>OHHHHHHHH!...Is she looking over here?

"Oh fuck did she hear that."

>Play it cool, just... play it cool.

"...I'm scared."

>Me too...

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Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Rarity"
~~~~
>Welcome to Not Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content does matter, but I want to be the best part of your day! Now for our main guest...RARITY!!!

"Hello Pinkie. How are you?"

>I'm fine, but do you know what a bologna pony is?
The power cuts out and they're left in the dark.
"AH!"

>Ugh, again? Good thing I'm prepared this time. The emergency lights should kick in right about-
Dim emergency lights appear on the walls.
>Now. Okay. Sit tight while I...you're not here. Rarity? Rarity! Hmmm...
Pinkie wakes up.
>That does it. I'm not going to let another guest slip away this time.
Pinkie goes into Rarity's bedroom and finds her still in bed.
>Hey, don't skip out on my show!
Rarity is motionless.
>Rarity wake up!

"..."

>...Rarity?

"..."

>...uh oh.

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