Jump 202: Parenting

Jump 202: Parenting
>Queen of Wands: A radiantly vital person, cocky and charismatic, who sees what she wants and goes after it.
Yeah. Yeah, that sounds about right for both of 'em. This jump being a thing makes me unusually happy, though I didn't actually expect to ever go to this one.
>Childrens' Age: 8 months (+200)
>Location: Harry Potter (-200)
By way of paying to go back to this setting, I'm starting this jump right after I said my goodbyes to everyone after retiring after my term as minister for magic in favor of Hermoine getting in.
>Attitude: Caring
Honestly? With one exception, every kid I've interacted with has benefited the most from this, and this is my attitude toward kids. Jumping hasn't changed it.
>Drawbacks: That's Not How It Happened (0), Out Of Control (0), Bundles of Joy: 2 children (+100), Warehouse Key Jr (+300)
I've taken Elodie and Louise both under my wing. I have companions, and now I have daughters. No waifus though. That's just not how I roll.
>It's Just Me (1000)
Yeeeeah considering some of the alt forms I've got, this is probably necessary. Especially considering some of them can be inherited.
>Gentle Hands (Free, Caring)
Very helpful to be able to project care toward those I address, especially when it involves raising a couple of kids.
>Because I Love You (Free, Caring)
Pairing this with Gentle Hands should do quite a lot too. Though I can't help but feel that taking perks to raise a kid is kind of cheaty, but that'll come in handy later when they start displaying things.
>Rest Your Head (900, Caring)
Not everyone stays healthy all of the time. It's important to be able to care for them, especially when I don't intend to cheat my way through things, but let them have a semi-normal childhood.
>You Be Good, Now (700, Caring)
Very important, to be able to motivate with just a few words.
>You Made Them Cry (400, Caring)
Fear the wrath of an angry parent.
>A Steady Hand (300)
The real secret behind parenthood (and adulthood, frankly): fake it 'til you make it.
>Leave It To Me! (200)
Hey, it works for Dumbledore. He's still headmaster, too, even if he retired his other positions. After all, Voldemort got turned to ash and his soul forced to move on, fifth year.
>Uncles, Aunties, and Nannies (0)
Gaia, Carbon, Imaginos, Breach, Ceci, Haruka, Hart... man, these two kids are going to have quite a family raising them. Especially when Carbon and Imaginos are clones of me.

>"What... you're back. You're still you... you're still on your journey? How?"
"Hey, Lulu. Yeah. Yeah, I uh... it's been a while, I'm back for a while. Meet the twins?"
>"Twins... who's their-?"
"It's complicated, but I adopted them. They've had a childhood already, but they weren't really the best... and so they're getting a do-over. They'll remember when they mature."
>"Pink hair... and I never thought I'd see you again. Why here, though?"
"Honestly? Because of all the worlds I've been to... this is one that I remember the most fondly. I can raise them both mundane and magical, get them ready for their inheritance. They're both going to be witches, and in time, they'll be much more."
>"Mm. Silly. You know, I've never seen you with this many nargles following."
"Hah. I missed you terribly, you know, Lu. I wish I could have convinced you to come with me."
>"It's not what I'm meant to do. But I'm glad to see you again. I thought you'd forget me and I'd never see you again, after you left yesterday."
"A day, thirty thousand years... Lulu..."
>"After all this time... you came back to me."
"Always."

Cue the Harry Potter theme music.

>"Hullo, Mr. Cross! The missus and I just wanted to welcome you to the neighborh- wait, I know you."
"Wait... Dudley? Dudley Dursley, is that you?"
>"Er... just Lee if you would?"
"Oh, right, sorry. --wait. Lee Dursley? I see what you did there, double-oh-seven."
>"Ha! Too right, started as a joke in uni, but it grew on me. Didn't expect you to move here, though. You, uh..."
"Yeah, I've retired from my last job a while... sorry, a month ago, sometimes hard to keep the time since I started taking care of the twins. You remember Hermoine, I think? She took my spot. I don't mean to be rude, come on in, won't you?"
>"Thanks. Haven't seen you since you came and visited a few times with mum and dad when you were... what, seventeen?"
"Yeah, things got hectic, but I couldn't turn down an invitation for tea. Hope she and Vernon are well."
>"Well, dad had a bypass last year, but he's doing better. Slimming down a bit. Didn't realize you were the type to retire young, I suppose you must have done well for yourself?"
"Mm, I'll have to drop in and see them if they'll have me, glad Vernon is on the mend. And yes, it paid well enough but it was temporary. I can't just sit on my laurels and be bored, though, I'll be taking a job as a professor in the autumn. Was schooling while I did the other - I have a teaching certificate to boot."
>"In Scotland at the school for the gifted that Harry went to, yeah?"
"Yes, that would be the one, if you've ever got questions about it, feel free to give me a ring. And here come the terrors now. The one on the left is Louise, her sister is Elodie- waitwaitwait Elodie stop! That's a good girl."
>"Hoo boy, I bet you have your hands full. Their mum...?"
"She... well, it's a little complicated but she's not here anymore."
>"Ah. I'm sorry."
"It's all right. I've got friends who are going to help me too, but... honestly, Lee? It's good to see you. I'm glad you're doing well."

"Good morning, ladies and gents!"
>"Good morning, professor Cross."
"Very good. Welcome to History! You may have noted that Professor Binns has no longer moved on - apparently, all it took was someone getting an O on their history NEWT and showing him, as last term proved! But the fact remains that Hogwarts' history classes has been notoriously terrible. Headmaster Dumbledore is confident that putting someone in charge of the class that has a pulse should bring the average history grade up past a T, but as a treat, he's hired me to teach it! Yes, you have a question?"
>"Yes sir, er... weren't you minister for magic?"
"Ah! Very good indeed, yes, I was! Take a point for Slytherin, because that's recent history. I succeeded minister Scrimgeour, and was succeeded by minister Granger-Weasley, Merlin help her because she's buried in paperwork now. But I felt I could do much more good here at Hogwarts, and they did after all need a couple of classes covered, as you'll see. Now, for those of you who have heard of how this class was taught... yes, I WILL in fact be covering much more than goblin revolts, though those WILL be relevant. Yes, you there in the back?"
>"Sir, uh, didn't you retire because you were caught having an affair?"
"And that's one from Ravenclaw, because that's a personal insult. Even if I had, it would be no one's business, but no, I retired to take care of my daughters who are with me here at Hogwarts, though they're only a year old at this point."

Age 4:
>"Daddy, daddy! 'Lodie hit me!"
>"Did not! You hit me!"
"Girls. You know better... both of you, sit down. Now. Louise, tell me what happened."
>"'Lodie hit me on the cheek an' it hurt an' I hate her!"
>"Nuh uh! You hit me in the tummy! I hate you!"
Sigh. Kids.

Age 11:
>"Daddy, daddy!", in stereo.
"It's six in the morning! What are you girls doing in my bedroom?"
>"They came!" "We got our letters!"
"Oh, is that so? Let's see here... mm, yep, from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, to Louise Cross and Elodie Cross, in pink upstairs bedroom. Congratulations, girls, it looks like you're witches!"
>"Yaay!" "Can we go get our wands?" "Please, please?" "Pretty please?"
"You two... goodness, calm down! How about you girls clean up and get your showers while I make you breakfast, then we'll go to Diagon? The sun's not even done rising yet!"

Age 11:
>"Cross, Elodie!"
>... "Hmmm. Quite the drive to prove yourself... to make your father and sister proud, eh? Oh my, and... I see, I see, casting yourself into the cosmos without knowing the end, that takes quite the courage. Better be... Gryffindor!"
>"Cross, Louise!"
>... "Ah, so much like your sister. She wants to prove herself to you, just as you want to prove yourself to her. More studious, but... turning your back on the world you knew for something better in the blind eternities. Yes, you belong with your sister in... Gryffindor!"
At the staff table, I'm applauding as loudly as anyone at the Gryffindor table is. Somehow, it doesn't surprise me that the girls have both ended up in Gryffindor... even if some of their classmates are curious about their pink hair. After all, they're familiar sights around the castle since they've all but lived here during term for the last decade, but not as students.

Age 12:
>"Daddy!" "Dad!"
"Good morning, miss Cross and miss Cross, and to what do we owe the interruption of morning History?"
>"Daaad!" "Professor Longbottom sent us to get you, there's a problem on the seventh floor!"
"What, really? ...hm, very well. Class, we'll be ending early, you are to kindly head back to your dorms with all due haste and I'm serious about this, no lolligagging, straight to your dorms. And study chapter seven, the girls just saved you from a quiz and I know which of you have NOT been studying, that means you, miss Weasley and mister Malfoy!"
>"How did he..."
"I see everything. You don't even know. Speaking of, straight back to your dorms, that is NOT a joke and if you do otherwise I WILL know and it'll be a week of detention. Girls? I want you to head back to your dorms."
...
>"Ah. Professor Cross."
"Skip the formalities, Nev, what's the- oh, good god. Irma, what's happened to you? What have you done?"
>"Look. On her wrist."
"What the... what IS that? Tell me that isn't what I think it is, Nev."
>"You know it is."
"I handled it. I handled -him- personally. I -banished- him to the afterlife. This shouldn't be possible."
>"I know. But it doesn't lie. It's either him, or someone using his mark."
"Son of all of the bitches. Neville, you've got seniority, it's your call. What do you think, call the old guard?"
>"Yeah. Wait, no, get Harry and Hermoine in here first. Harry can bring some aurors who can keep their mouths shut... and Hermoine... the minister has to know about this."
...
"What do you mean, Minister? I'm not joking. We need you here, and we need Harry here, immediately."
>"It's just going to have to wait, Crux. If you hadn't been minister before... just keep this quiet, but we've had a breakout at Azkaban."
My blood ran cold. "Oh no. Oh no no no. Hermoine, we found Irma Pince dead outside the Room of Requirement, and she was Marked."
>"What kind of marks did she have?"
"No, I mean Marked. Capital M, as in morsmorde. As in the war that never happened... Sweet Christ. How bad is it at Azkaban?"
>"It... look, I know you said you have rules, but we need extra hands. Badly. We've taken so many casualties... can I give you some red robes?"
"Get me six sets... no, four red, two blue, I'm sure hitwizards would be in on this and I'll send myselves. I'll call my people as well. Hermoine, tell me, how bad is it?"
>"They... Crux. Azkaban's empty. Everyone is out... a few turned themselves in, but they'd been tortured by the people who escaped."

Age 13:
>"Daddy, we need to talk."
"Yes, girls?"
>"We know what's been going on. We want to help."
"I..." Sigh. "Yes. I know you do. And I'm proud that you do. I know what you can REALLY do when you're not just concentrating on class, and I appreciate it, I do, but... you're kids."
>"Yes, but-" "Dad, we're not JUST kids!"
"You're supposed to have a normal childhood!"
>They both laugh, and it warms my heart as much as what they say brings a tear to my eye. "Yes. But... we're anything but a normal family..." "What she said."
"I... I'm proud of you girls. I don't want you to... not yet. Okay? But I know how these things go. Look, I want you to keep your lightsabers on you from now on. Just keep them on your belt under your robes, okay? I don't want you getting in trouble, but... if something crazy happens, I want you to defend yourselves. Remember, shields will work against the sabers, but if they're shielding you should be leaving."
>"Yes, papa." "What about... you know?"
I exhale a sigh. "I... really don't think you two are ready for that yet. I'll let you start carrying the backup wands for now, okay? The thestral wands."
>"All right." "We've... had another thought, though. The way things are going... I think we should start thinking about the mundane world."
"Hmm? That's unexpected, what do you mean?"
>"Well... it's a big secret, but what if it was less of a secret?"
"It would take ages... but I'm listening. Tell me more."

Age 14:
>"Haha! Little girls... you little fools! I am Lord Voldemort! And your father will pay with your lives for defying me!"
>"... no, no he won't." "And no you aren't, you're Luscious Malfoy."
>"That's Lucius-! No! I am Lord Voldemort!"
>"You're not an anagram! You're... hmm. Louise, look at him, what doesn't look right?" "Ha! Hahaha! He's a princess!"
>"The lost Diadem of Ravenclaw! A reliquary for my soul! I am immortal! I have within me blood of kings!"
>"Yeah, yeah... he's lost the plot, hasn't he, sis?" "Actually I think this IS the plot, but yes. Poor Voldemort, Head Auror Potter should have been your rival."
>"I have no rival! No man can be my equal!"
>"Oh my god, he actually said it-" "TAKE ME TO THE FUTURE OF YOUR WORLD!"
>"What."
>"Don't encourage the evil overlord, Louise!" "Awww... but it's Queen!"
>"No! I am Lord Voldemort, not some... muggle figurehead!"
>"I think we've entertained him long enough, don't you?" "Yes, let's d-d-d-" Smack. "Ow!" "Not now! Be serious! And I'll hit you if you say something about Lord Black!" "Fiiine..."
>"A pair of mad witches. Better that I put you down like the dogs you are- what manner of wands are those?"
>"Lightsabers." "En garde!"
>"Wait wait wait-!" Thump.
>"Huh." "I expected a more spirited defense..." "Spirited... the diadem!" "Ooh, it's shiny, can we keep it as a trophy?" "No! Destroy it!" "OH! Right!"

Age 15:
>"Haha! Little girls... you little fools! I am Lord Voldemort!"
>"...really." "Wait, all three of you are Lord Voldemort? Seriously?"
>"We, who have gone further down the path of immortality than any other has dared!"
>"Hmm. Okay, so dad has the stone but he tossed out the ring itself, yeah?" "Right. So... diary's gone, diadem's gone, which means one of you is the locket, one is the ring, and one is the cup, right?"
>"Clever." "Very clever." "But it will make you no less dead! Death Eaters! Ensure none interfere!"
>"Two against three, that doesn't seem very fair." "Well, one against three would be fair, but he's not interested in a fair fight, Louise!" "Right. Well, Voldemorts, there's something dad says about this sort of thing..."
>"Oh? And what would that be?" "What in Merlin's name?" "What sort of wands are those?"
>"There can be only one!"
...
"My god! What happened to you two?"
>"Voldemorts."
"Voldemorts? Plural? What the hell?"
>"Just... get the time turner and grab Louise when he casts the first one, dad, we'll be fine. Stupid paradoxes."
"Agreed. Paradoxes. How long?"
>"I came straight here."
"Right. And honey... I wish you'd called me, but I'm proud of you. So proud."
...
>"Heeeere we are!" "Born to be kings!"
>"Avada kedavra!"
"Yoink!"
>"HEY! Dad! I could have dodged that!"
"Probably, but wizards are stupid about time paradoxes."
>"Death Eaters! Kill the interloper!"
"Fricking Voldemort. Well, this should be fun. Go get 'em, girls. Love you."
>"Love you too, dad!"
"Now then. Gentlemen, welcome to History of Magic class, and it is time for a pop quiz! Only one question, and it is pass/fail: If Voldemort died in '81, '96, and 2019, and those three Voldemorts have about forty seconds to live because they're getting their asses handed to them by a couple of teenage girls- yep, there goes one right now, good form, Elodie!- which of you would like to just walk away and NOT get cut to ribbons when the girls don't have any Voldemorts left to slow them down? --oh, Avery, that curse is creative, but time's up, and the Voldemorts are dead."
>"Kill them! Sweet Merlin, kill those monsters!"
"Now, now, that's not very polite, Mr. Crabbe. I'm afraid you you have failed your quiz. Detention for you all."

The remaining three years went by in an eyeblink. One of the Death Eaters actually DID walk away from that mess - Bellatrix, of all people! - and came and confronted me personally. And I offered her absolution. Which, after raging and screaming and attacking me without a wand and breaking down crying, she accepted. I fixed the ravages of time, gave her a new face and a new name, worked on healing her mind, and let her go to establish a new life for herself.

The girls graduated with near-perfect marks in their classes. And while they were a little bit tempted to stay behind, they decided to stay and travel with me. And yes, their plans to break down the barrier between mundane and magical worlds were in progress. I'll have to stop there after my travels are done to see how it works out, but it looked promising.

Luna still declined to go. Hermoine divorced Ron and ended up moving in with her, hilariously. Ron kind of shrugged that off; he deserved it considering he was paying next to no attention to his marriage and was basically never home. He'd joined the Chudley Cannons, before an injury forced him off his broom. He was a much more effective coach and they actually became a force to be reckoned with.

Director's Cut: Professor Crux and the Cursed Child

"Misters Potter, Malfoy, hold it. Why are you heading out to the forest, and what is that around your neck?"
>"Uh... what? Nothing!"
"Accio. What... this is a time turner. Are you two mucking about with time?"
>"I- I can explain!"
"Gentlemen. Sit. Yes. On the grass. I'm going to say this once and only once. Do. NOT. Fuck. With. Time. You can and WILL fracture the timeline - and I know this hasn't been used yet, because if you had, I would have known, tracked you down in the alternate timeline, and forced you to revert the changes. Do you know what happens when you fuck with time?"
>"S-sir! Language!"
"Shut the fuck up, Scorpius Malfoy, and listen. What were you going to go back and fix? I can feel the magic from this, this is not a normal hour-reversal charm on here. What are you going to do? Take out Voldemort in '81? Stop him from being resurrected? What? Speak up!"
>"We... we were going to save Cedric Diggory!"
"Are you serious- you are, aren't you. Why?"
>"Well we, we, Delphi Diggory wanted to save him..."
"Delphi..? There is no such person- oh hell."
>"Sir?"
"Time to cheat. ACCIO THE FUCKING ASSHOLE!"
>"aaaaAAAAAAAH-" THUMP.
"You!"
>"Professor! Stop kicking her in the side!"
"This woman is not Delphi Diggory!"
>"Then... then who is she?!"
"Her name is Mary Sue! And she is an enemy to good stories everywhere!"
>"... what."
"Obliviate! Boys, go back to class, none of this ever happened. And you, Mary Sue..."
>"My name is Delphi!"
"Yeah, we're not having this conversation. Obliviate. Obliviate, obliviate, obliviate. And obliviate, for good measure."
>"Uh? Uhhhh. Hi?"
"Hi. Let's get your brainless self to Saint Mungos so we can introduce Lockheart to his new roommate."