Christina.
I told you once that there was only one girl that I had strong feelings for before you. Seven years ago, Sara moved away. Not down the block, not the next city, no. To Oregon. Over time, I lost contact. Where is she now? I don't know, I couldn't chase her. Though Sara and I were not a couple, my heart was broken. Because of this, I vowed myself that the next girl I have these feelings for will be 'the one' and that I will never ever let her go no matter what happens and no matter how long the distance is.
But what does this have to do with you? That next girl turned out to be you. It took me five years to move on; how did I finally do it? The summer before my senior year, I realized that staying inside my shell wasn't going to make things better and chasing after Sara was a long shot and damn near impossible. At the end of 2011's school year, we came across each other. I hope this explains why I was so reluctant to say that I liked you in the beginning; I wasn't sure if it was real or if it was just going to be some sort of little fling. I didn't lie; you are the first girl that I kissed and held hands with as well as my first girlfriend. Whether you had real feelings for me at all or not is beyond me.
The way I see it, you changed when you went to Cambodia and Vietnam. What happened to you, I don't know, but I felt like less than a stranger. You treat strangers better than the way you treated me during and after your trip.
But I still waited for you. As much as I hate distance, I can still survive. I hope the reason why I still hold on to something that's no longer there was covered earlier.
Your reasons were that you lost feelings because you: couldn't handle long distance, became 'more independent' and responsible after your Vietnam trip, became closer to God, and you have to focus on school. Truthfully, I think these are bullshit. I'm sure I did something wrong somewhere; but as much as I'd like to really know why, it doesn't matter anymore. What's done is done and I guess we're done now, there's nothing more that I can do. I'll accept your reasons.
We're done now and yet I'm still less than a simple stranger. Honestly, for the past three months you make me feel like trash. But hey, I'm still a human being. Just like any other human, I have feelings too. So please consider them. I'd really appreciate it.
I told you that you weren't worth chasing after anymore. 1) I said that to help myself move on. 2) At one point in time, you were worth it. Time, effort, everything. But not now. 3) You changed. You're not the same Christina I knew when I first met you or when I was with you.
But yes, you're right. I haven't fully moved on. When I will be able to, who knows. It may be within this next coming year or maybe five years again. I still care and I still do have feelings, sue me. But do I still hope that we can still be together one day in the future? I don't. You're not the same Christina I fell in love with. Unless somehow you become the old you again, I don't see you in my future nor do I believe that I will be in yours. Do I hate you for putting me through all of this? I don't. I have no reason to hate you. Do I think you made a mistake? I do, but nothing will change whatever has happened. There's no undo button.
You once neglected me, telling me that only your best friends would never leave you. Change that. Because right now, the next guy who truly loves you for who you are and is lucky enough to date you doesn't even stand a chance.
I didn't leave, you shut me out. You may not agree or see how, but besides losing you, I also lost my best friend.

You and I are also a long shot. I realized that the vow I made in 7th grade was bound to fail; I dreamed too big. Please don't think that I'm still chasing after you. I'm moving on. I hope this clears our misunderstanding.
I didn't speak out of anger. I meant everything I said, whether it's good stuff or bad.
Does this fully explain things?


To other people reading this.
Whether Christina cheated on me or not, I don't care and neither should you. She's happier without me and that's what matters. There are things that even I don't know and still question every day, but knowing the answer wont change a thing. Our relationship was the past and should stay in the past. So please, there is no use in digging this matter back up. — with Christina Nguyen.