Earth-2, jump #53: In which there is SUDDENLY AZATHOTH

[Earth-2 redux, jump #52]

Drawbacks: Apokorats Infestation, Curse, Fan Fiction, Shut Up and listen, You're in the Army Now, On the Run, Tie-Ins, The Imprisoned, Have You Seen My Son? (3500)

Apokoliptan, New God (2900)

Rolled Geneva

Bow Down Before Me (Free)
The Almighty, The Inevitable (2300)
Superhuman (Free)
Godflesh (Free)
The Final Countdown (Free)
Amazon Assassin (2000)
Helm of Fate (1400)
Mother Box (1100)
Return to Me (900)
Sun God (100)
Mother Box Infusion (Free)
ImportX2:
-Elodie: Human, Mage,  Doctor of Archaelogy and Occultism (Free), Archmage (300), Your Craft Is Mine! (0)
-Grail: Apokoliptan, Amazon (400), Amazonian Combat Training (Free), Hellenic Armor and Weapons (Free), Bow Down Before Me (Free), Doyenne (300), Shaping Clay (0)


>You didn't do anything wrong
"I did not" I snarled, "do anything wrong"
>not really
"There was no REALLY about it" I muttered, as the gunships ripped up the streets around me.
>nobody was going to miss it
"Well that's a bit harsh" I said, as the burning bulk of Apokolips appeared in the sky.

And didn't attack.

And instead Darkseid's face appeared in the sky, projected by some new never before seen Omega Effect power.

"Earthlings" he said. "Normally this is the part where parademons would burn your seas to molten salt. However, Desaad has informed me your culture has produced a...series of writings concerning an old enemy that rivals the Anti-Life Equation in sheer, will-breaking suffering. Though your world shall perish tomorrow, today I shall call a ceasefire just to test that hypothesis. Ahem. My Immortal Partially Kissed Ghost, by Ivory D'imness Insania Qrow Whey. Chapter 1. 'Shh, Chuck we can't be seen here together' purred Anon as he stared sensually into the scrawny bearded man's gaze. 'You know you can't resist my sensual writing!" replied his partner. 'Now kiss me so I can subvert YOUR expectations!'"

(1/5)

Several days after recovering from physically ramming Apokolips to prove my innocence, I was at a loss. "What is wrong with this universe?" I asked blankly, basic assumptions thrown out of whack.

"Calm down. There is no need to be upset" said Batman.

"I disagree! I don't even know where to START, according to my cosmic Source knowledge Highfather's a callous bastard son of a bastard who cut a deal with one of yours to sacrifice this whole universe. And the Source is the biggest bastard of them all, so it's probably omitting something. Like mind control. Anyway Diana, is...is there anything you want to say? About your daughter?"

We all stared at her. I could have used my cosmic knowledge to explain it, but not without giving myself further migraines. "I...met a very charming older gentleman on a blind date, who turned out to be Darkseid's general Steppenwolf" she said awkwardly. "And I have been a shamefully inattentive mother. Because there were twins. Who I lost track of. I'm sorry everyone, I didn't know Apokolips would stoop to catfishing"

"Take it from me. There is NOTHING Apokolips will not stoop to. Like libel" I said, haunted by 300+ chapters of horrible Supernatural yaoi fanfiction.

"Is that why Terry Sloan gave a shoot to kill order on you after you saved Aquawoman?" asked Clark.

"No. No, that's because-well, take a closer look at who's cutting this deal"

They watched. Fists clenched. Abruptly Terry Sloan came thorough the door, to smugly make a noise complaint. Less than an hour later he was dragged off, swearing that we'd all rue this day.

I stormed off. In the sky, massive stone Omega Beam emitting drones and mass produced mini-Subjukators rained merry hell at Earth while my forces fought them while trying to breach the Other Box's defenses. My allies' powers had turned the war from a slaughter to a stalemate.

I went back to Olympus to go push some clay around in a huff.

(2/5)

The sorcerous working I had wrought upon the natural process of generating Amazons from clay had a blessing of my own devising. Inspired by the Lintha's hereditary gifts from Kimbery, I had decided to endow them with a bloodline touched by the very power of the Source itself. It seemed promising. Subject 0 had gained a fierce aura of shimmering light and the power to rip souls from living bodies.

"I have a name, O dread master of the Life Equation" said Subject 0 with such ardent fanaticism that I was still pretty sure I was being very gently wound up, as I overlooked the still-forming bodies of the Amazons kept in perpetually malleable state as I finished installing all the patches so they wouldn't die like the old ones. "Berzerk is not a name on this planet, it's an adjective. We should give you an earth name. Like...like...Cassie" I explained.

"Mmm. Yes, you do look a bit like a Cassie. I can relate, my mother hated Apokoliptan culture so much she named me after some son of a carpenter's cup out of sheer contrariness. Also when do we get to the part where I snap my father's neck?" asked Grail.

"Whenever we can breach the Other Box's antibaryonic field. Places, everyone"

And so I spoke the magic word SHAZAM, and a bolt of lightning enriched by the Source's power running through me coursed through Grail and energised the unborn Amazons with the divine power of necksnapping.

You would think an army of greek women armed with Hellenic arms and armor would be pretty ineffectual in a war involving space gods and Kryptonians, but no. Maybe modelling the traditional Themysciran atmosphere-jumping kangaroos and megalodons had helped. Also Wonder Woman was over the moon having a new family for a while, and once I heard my creations explaining who their creator was I went to hide in another universe for a few days, for fear of having my neck snapped by the maestro in an enthusiastic hug.

(3/5)

Besides, I had to confer with a certain Mr. T about my plan to end the conflict and he lived over in Earth-0.

Steppenwolf was inexplicably buffer than I remembered, one of my citizens dying in battle to smother his death-explosion with her shintai. It turned out Desaad had apparently mutated into a horribled flayed ghoul thing and also inexplicably acquired divine powers of disease immunity. Also apparently Hellspores automatically generate parademons. I vaguely wondered what Granny Goodness was using for all the rooms in her orphanage for when apparently both Furies and parademons could be mass produced in a pinch.

The arrival of Mr. Miracle and Big Barda was a mixed bag. On the one hand, it signalled Fury's defection. On the other hand, it brought with it more confirmation of how out of date my strategic information was. Apparently Highfather had genuinely, with no remorse or coercion, signed off on the metaphysical death of an entire universe. I reacted with an appropriate level of maturity and restraint.

I ended up dragged out of the throneroom in chains of Element X, Barda and Scott glaring daggers at the old coot while ostensibly holding me back. "IF YOU PUT A FRACTION OF THE EFFORT INTO RESTRAINING MY SHINTAI INTO FIGHTING DARKSEID HE'D BE DEAD ALREADY" I shouted.

"Fuck Highfather anyway" said Scott as the portal closed behind us.

"Fuck him" I agreed. "Oh well, at least we can always count on Orion to-"
Scott shook his head sadly.
"But...astro force..."
"What's an Astro Force?" asked Barda.
"What my wife means" said Scott gently "is that the only thing bringing in Orion will achieve is embarrassing New Genesis more than letting Apokolips run roughshod over the multiverse for time immemorial since a scant few battles already has"

(4/5)

I had REALLY wanted a plan B to my plan A. Scott gawked at the giant cosmic tuning fork I had built as an amplifier for initialising plan A.

"So to start with" he said, pointing to Alan meditating carefully in the ignition chamber "your pal there's gonna channel the Multiversal Green through the boom tubes?"
"Yep"
"And that, if I'm not mistaken" he said, turning a critical eye to the moon upon which the Genesis Device I'd kidbashed together had converted into a celestial body-sized motherbox "is what you're using to bank the shot off onto Apokolips while giving it an equal and opposite vibrational frequency to the antibaryonic field to cancel it out?"
"Pretty much"
"And on the big day the er, Source Amazons are going to channel prayer to buff your weapon through yourself? Just like the old days battling Imperiex?"
"Scott, I swear you're the only person who remembers the pre-Crisis world these days. I've tried to explain this very simple superweapon to the others and they keep giving me blank looks"
"Trust me, it's not worth the shit I've had to put up with recently"

And so, for the second time in it's history a damaged Apokolips was forced to retreat from harvesting an Earth-this time because of a massive energy rainbow arcing from the moon into it's atmosphere. One by one the other elemental avatars gave up their lives to save their planet: Yolanda, Grundy, Azathoth-

-wait.
"What are you looking at?" demanded the pitiful aspect of an ancient enemy.
WAIT A FUCKING MINUTE.

("Oh no" said Elodie)
("Oh YES" said Grail, passing the popcorn to Berserk and Fury)

(5/5)


Everything hurt. The skies burnt red and throbbed like raw flesh. I stumbled blearily to my feet, idly watching my own god-flesh bleeding out. Something was horribly, horribly wrong as I staggered around the destroyed stage of what seemed to be some sort of talk show.

A fitting throne for the emptiness that was shaped like God. He looked like I felt. Nailed to the ground with spears and arrows, lashed with elemental chains, riddled with radion and someone's very familiar axe was buried in his head.

He was grinning at me. "I said. It seems I, Darkseid, am the father"
"What? You've had ANOTHER kid?"
"Yes. You"
I stood there reeling from a cosmic concussion. "Using an Omega Sanction against each other simultaneously was a mistake, wasn't it?"
"Your only mistake was not bowing before inevitability" he said, coughing up blood.
"No but for realsies, it was a mistake"
"...maybe" he admitted. "Now at last, our final battle shall-"
"Can't" I waved him off, staggering away.
"What"
"Gotta save Dick's kid. Sit tight. We'll do this some other time"
"How DARE you turn your back on your destiny"
"Go get some ice. Or a beer. Or both, man. Both is good"

[spoiler]I am actually kind of relieved I can no longer afford to buy Diana's blessing for Grail[/spoiler]

“Also I activate a shaping defence”
“Bah”