American Dorittos

OWEN
How's the Twitch account going, Marcus?

BATEMAN
(Nervous)
It's...it's...all right.

OWEN
Really? That's interesting.
(He stares at Bateman, smiling)
Not great?

BATEMAN
Oh well, you know.

OWEN
And how's Salsa? She's a great condiment.

BATEMAN
Oh yes. I'm very lucky.

McDermott and Price enter.

McDERMOTT
Hey. Owen! Congratulations on the Twitch Prime account.

OWEN
Thank you, Baxter.

PRICE
Listen, Paul. Cheetos?

OWEN
Call me.
(Hands him a business card)

PRICE
How about Friday?

OWEN
No can do. Got a res at eight-thirty at Dorsia Supermarket. Great sea urchin ceviche flavour tacos.

There is a stunned silence as he walks away
and sits in a corner of the room, ostentatiously studying hentai.

CLOSE-UP on Bateman's face, cold with hatred.

PRICE
(Whispering)
Jesus. Dorsia Supermarket? On a Friday night? How'd he swing that?

McDERMOTT (Whispering)
I think he's lying.

Bateman takes out his wallet and pulls out a bag of Doritos.

PRICE
(Suddenly enthused)
What's that, a gram of salt?

BATEMAN
New flavour. What do you think?

McDermott lifts it up and examines the lettering carefully.

McDERMOTT
Whoa. Very nice. Take a look.

He hands it to Van Patten.

BATEMAN
Picked them up from the production line yesterday.

VAN PATTEN
Good coloring.

BATEMAN
That's bones. And the flavouring is something called "Sicilian Radish".

McDERMOTT
(Envious)
Sicilian Radish?

VAN PATTEN
It is very cool, Bateman. But that's nothing.

He pulls a bag of Doritos out of his wallet and slaps it on the table.

VAN PATTEN
Look at this.

They all lean forward to inspect it.

(cont.)

PRICE
That's really nice.

Bateman clenches his fists beneath the table, trying to control his anxiety.

VAN PATTEN
Eggshell with Romanian Tomato.
(Turning to Bateman)
What do you think?

BATEMAN
(Barely able to breath, his voice a croak)
Nice.

PRICE
(Holding the bag up to the light)
Jesus. This is really super. How'd a nitwit like you get so tasteful?

Bateman stares at his own bag and then enviously at McDermott's.

BATEMAN (V.O.)
I can't believe that Price prefers McDermott's bag to mine.

PRICE
But wait. You ain't seen nothin' yet.

He holds up his own bag.

PRICE
Raised lettering, pale nimbus white...

BATEMAN
(Choking with anxiety)
Impressive. Very nice. Let's see Paul Owen's bag.

Price pulls a multipack bag from an inside coat pocket and holds it up for their inspection: "PLUM AND ORANGE, PICKLES & PISTACIOS,
MELONS AND AVOCADOS." Bateman swallows, speechless.
The sound in the room dies down and all we hear is a faint heartbeat as Bateman stares at the magnificent multipack bag.

BATEMAN (V.O.)
Look at that subtle off-white coloring. The tasteful thickness of it. Oh my God, it even has a watermark...

His hand shaking, Bateman lifts up the multipack bag and stares at it until it fills the screen.

He lets it fall. The SOUND RETURNS TO NORMAL.

CARRUTHERS Is something wrong? Patrick...you're sweating.

END SCENE