Thread 27: Stories 16-30

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>Suckerpunch
"41"

>...

"..."

>So...

"Yep."

>There's a douchebag nailing the nurse, those creepy cave ponies have come back, and I'm pretty sure that balcony just exploded.

"We live in exciting times, huh?"

>Oh yeah, totally.

"So...how much of a douchebag is this douchebag?"

>The douchiest, like 32 without the fancy talk levels of douche.

"Wow."

>I know, right? All I know about the guy is that he's from Las Pegasus, he somehow managed to sweep that nurse off her feet, and they're screwing like rabbits in the dungeon.

"What? Really!?"

>Yeah, it's nuts!

"I know infiltrators who don't work that fast!"

>Yeah...yeah I bet you do...

"You sayin' I don't?"

>No! No, sorry, just thinking is all.

"If you want me to punch this guy in the face, just ask."

>What? No! Not yet at least. Just...I think I should talk to somebody about this...

41 shrugs and ruffles her friend's mane.

"Alright, Gumshoe, just remember if you end up too deep, you got me to carry your ass."

>I'll keep it in mind.

Punch walks away, looking thoughtful. 41 grimaces.

"For once I wish our conversation actually ended with a headbutt..."
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non-canon
>AJ
"Spike"
'Celestia'
[Twilight]
~~~
>Omph! Kid's really movin' today.

"Honey, maybe you should take your maternity leave now?"

>Spike, Ah'm only six months pregnant, Ah'm fine-

[Seven, Applejack.]

>Huh, time sure does fly.

'I never thought I'd say this, but please, Applejack, take your time off, we can handle things here.'

>Nah-uh!

[Should I give her the sedative-]

"TOUCH MY MATE AND WITH SOMETHING THAT COULD HURT MY CHILDREN AND I WILL BURN THIS WORLD TO CINDERS!"

[Whoa! Easy there!]

'Do it, Twilight, I think that's the only way Applejack might finally rest.'

>Look, Ah appreciate tha concern, but Mama worked until tha day she went inta labor, an' until mah water breaks, Ah'm doin' mah-

SPLOSH!!!

>'["..."]'

Twilight quickly teleports herself, Spike, and Applejack to the delivery room, Celestia just looks down where applejack had been

'That shit's never gonna come out.'
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>Applejack
"Celestia"
~~~~

>...Ya' ever wonder what would've happened iffin' ya' hadn't made me a princess?

"I feel like I would have gotten more focus, you know?"

>What makes ya' think that?

"Well, I'm an all powerful ageless ruler of a kingdom, you were an earth pony without the elements of harmony, why wouldn't I get more focus than you?"

>...Yeah, that makes sense.

"So..."

>...So yer' lack of focus is all yer'

"I WILL SMACK YOU WITH MY GOOD HORSESHOE!"
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NON CANON
>Applejack
"Celestia"
'Luna'
~~~~
>Celestia, Ah've got a question I want to ask.

"Give me a moment Applejack..."
*spin.....BANG*

~Later at night~
'Sister, didn't thou blow thy head off?'

"Yeah..."
Celestia munches on some cake.
"....I got better though."
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>SA
"Cadence"
~~~~~

It was with a... 'slight' trepidation that Shining Armor crept into his bedroom. Cautious, but hopeful.

>Honey? I'm home!

"That's nice dear."

Shit.

>...Ahhh... mad?

"Little bit."

>Not a whole lot?

"More than that."

>Not a SUPER lot?

"..."

Awkwardly, he thrust a bouquet of flowers forward.

>...I brought flowers? Favorite colors.

"That's nice."

FUCK.

>...S-soooo... uhhh... Sombra's... probably going to get a body soon? Neat, huh?

"Very neat."

>...How's Two? Doing good at kindergarten?

"She's doing fine. Has a picture she wants to show you."

>I'm sure it's amazing.

"It is."

Limit reached.

>I'M SORRY FOR RUNNING OFFFFFF!

Pathetically, he threw himself at the foot of the bed.

>I just was really really worried and Twi said she made you that suit and I was like 'what if we get trapped on the moon' and then stuff kept getting worse in my brain and then I was like 'what if another giant monster is up there' and then I kept thinking about you in that rubble and my heart started hurting and I'MSORRRRRRRYYYYYY

"..."

>...*Wibble*

"...You know I can't stay mad at you."

All look of regret and sadness melted away as she snapped forward to briefly kiss him on the lips, leaving only a relieved, goofy smile in it's wake.

>...Wanna do makeup stuff? Fun, good clean wholesome married makeup stuff?

"Shiny, I'm not mad..."

Flippantly, she jumped from the bed, and sauntered towards the door.

"But all girls have a little bit of spite in them."

After giving him a slightly malicious wink, she left.

>...And now I have to deal with this. Damn it, Cadence, don't you know how sexy you get when you do that?

From the hallway, he heard her call back.

"I do!"

>...Damn.
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>SA
"ShowSA"
~~~~

>...

"..."

>...I taste toast when I look at you, and I don't know why.

"Yeah... I'm not very detailed..."
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>AJ
"ShowAJ"
~~~
"Apples!"

>Wow, Ah feel nostalgic...

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>29
"Mane-Iac"
~~

>So...

"AHAHAHAHAHAH! FOOOOOOOLISH SHELLSECTOR! OF COURSE I SHALL BATTLE YOU WITH MY GREAT AND TERRIBLE MIGHT!"

>...Just... just promise me Shellsector is actually a character.

"He is."

>...Fine, let's get this over with-OH SWEET CHITIN NO!

*CRASH!*

>WHY!?

*SMASH!*

>NO NO NO NOT THE HAIR FIST NO!

*KA-POW!*

>WHYYYYYY

*BODYSLAMM.. ER, IFIED!*

"WEAK, SIMPERING LITTLE BUG! DO YOU REALLY THINK YOU CAN STAND AGAINST MY HAIR OF MAAAAADDDDDNNNNEEESSS!?'

>Thou cursed foe, thine evil wielder of the hair most foul! I shall not waste time against you! With all of my courage, with all of my power, I STAND AGAINST YOU!

*KABLAM!*

>WHY!?

"You can't talk like that, only villains talk like that. Easiest way to find a villain in a comic book is to find the guy speaking fancy."

>THIS EDUCATION SYSTEM IS FU-

*BLEEPED!*

>OW!

"...this is for ghost kids, right?"

>Three of them.

"Just checking."

>...You believe me?

"Why wouldn't I? Seems legit."

>...Comic books are weird.

"Wouldn't know, don't read them."

*HAIRPUNCH!*

>MY SPLEEN!
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>AJ
"ShowAJ"

"Running a whole farm an' orchard is probably the toughest job in Equestria even for a pony like me, heck, ah can't really think of anything harder...can you, other....me?"

>Oh. Just you wait buckaroo. Just you wait

"Should ah be scared? Cos the wings an' horn are kinda intimidating enough..."

>*POP*

"Egh!"

>That'll be a regular occurence, don't fret too much now
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>"Mane-Iac"
"Show Mane-Iac"

>"AHAHAHAAHHAHAHAAAHHAHAHAAAHHAHAHAAAHHAHAHAAAHHAHAHA!"
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>Dash
"Show Dash"
~~~~~

"OHMYGOSH! I'm the captain of the wondbolts!? REALLY!?"

>...

"...W-what?"

>...*starts sobbing.*

"Hey, you're scaring me-"

>*Sobbing intensifies*
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>42
"SA"
'42's thoughts'
~~~~

>SHINY!

"..."

>...A-hem, I mean, Shining Armor! It is good to see you have returned safely. Have you already seen to your wife? I do not wish to keep you.

"Yeah, she's a little mad."

>She is a caring sort, I would not worry too much about her continued ire at you.

"Well, I mean, I get it.... thanks for not telling her I was leaving."

>Of course. My word is like steel, unbreakable.

"Steel is breakable. I should know, I got hit in the face with it when Chitania punched off a wad of my Juggernaut."

>Not this steel.

"If you say so. Thanks for watching out for them, 42. Glad I can rely on you."

>...O-of course, always. I am here to protect.

'Please don't hug me please don't hug me please don't-DAMNDAMNDAMNDAMNDAMN'

"Ah, damn. Still with the nosebleeds?"

>Ish mild. Goh hih in sha' fashe.

"You need to tell Spike to lay off the explosive rounds."

>If ya' shay sho.

"Well, I think I'd better go help 18 before she has a aneurism."

>Ya' do shat....

'Smoooth.'

>Ya' shuh uh, brain.

'Why nosebleeds, anyway?'

>Blooh pressher.

'Ahhh.... you're now thinking about how high your blood pressure would be while he's fu-'

>DAMN IH BRAIN!

'Hah haaa!'

>BASHTARH AH'LL SHOW YOU!

Shining Armor did not turn around when he heard hoof meet chitin. For he knew.... he did not have to.

Nonetheless, he flagged down a medic and sent them on their way.

"She really needs a vacation.
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>Chitania
"???"
~~~~~

>Because, of course, NOW my sense of direction isn't leading me to a town. Of fucking course.

She had been wandering for at least a day now. Initially, she had intended to chase after those ponies, and one dragon, that had attacked her, but soon realized they would be able to far outpace and out hide her, considering.

So here she was.

Angry.

Like always.

Fighting monsters off all kinds.

It was almost nostalgic.

>She didn't defeat me, but...

As loath as she was to admit it, it bothered her that someone had pulled a fast one on her... again. And this time, she didn't even get the satisfaction of punching them in the face. That, and she was lucky they had severely underestimated her durability when not in her Titan form. If not for that...

>I guess I should have been a little more thorough.

Was anyone she had actually killed still dead? Was she going to turn around and find herself face to face with Variolus again? She swore, she SWORE she remembered killing that one that rainbow punched her through the train.

That coupled with her technical loss made her feel a touch... out of practice.

>Hrm... you know, I have been relying pretty hard on my invulnerability... my lack of tactics allowed that damned larva Chrysalis to get one up on me as well. Perhaps her time in the ice has left her more rusty than expected...

"YOU!"

Not particularly interested, she turned slightly to the side... and came face to face with five different dragons. All of them were unknown to her. All except...

>Oh, it's you. Did you do as I said and told the others of your defeat? I will be very cross if you lied.

"I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE!"

Well... she did want to get back into shape...

Gently, Mr Popcorn was placed in a safe spot.

And Chitania reached her full glory.

>Well then, come take it.

As they charged, she could not help but grin.

Time to show the world what The Titan was really capable of...
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>Applejack
“Arana”
‘City Pony’
~~~~~~~

In the middle of the meeting, she took a glance. In the middle of whatever dribble was coming from her seven o’clock’s mouth, she arched her head up and to the side, bloodshot eyes honing in on the corner clock.

8:96.

She blinked. What the…?

She decided to blink again and the numbers righted themselves.

8:36.

Celestia be damned and deprived of cake for two months, this councilman pony had been prattling on nonstop for the past four hours. Consistently at that, without need for breath apparently, which led Applejack to think she were dealing with a robot in disguise.

‘-because these requests are just downright ridiculous! Redheart wants more bits towards the containment of one pony. ONE pony. Do you hear me? One. Not a whole wing, but a single pony. And then-’

After zoning in and discerning that, yes nothing of importance had been breached, she zoned out again.

Her thoughts wondered to what a certain dragon might be up to…

‘-massive outcry due to the Cakes and their sudden move here to Canterlot, and I’m talking full-scale pastry riots-’

What was he doing right now? Working on Charity?

‘-preorders for Chitania figurines are skyrocketing at an unbelievable pace, one that both sickens and delights me at the same time-’

Fighting 42?

‘-not one for prostitution but there’s this odd mare in some sort of cardboard box, I think, and she’s building quite the name for herself... among other things-’

Or… was he thinking of her, too?

She sighed at the pleasant thought and then readjusted herself in her chair, straightening her back and firmly placing her hooves over the desk. In only a second, the Princess of Paperwork was back.

She opened her mouth.

>Well, first off, we can-

And was then rendered silent when a well-knit hat fell over the councilman’s head.

Applejack’s heart leapt into her throat as she’d explicitly told Arana to stay out of sight and keep silent during her meetings. Changelings were bad enough of a scare, but a Spiderling? A branch of Changeling that even other Changelings despised and feared? Not good.

>Um… uh, Ah c-can explain….

Unfortunately, there was nothing she could think of quick enough to pass off what had happened, but when the stallion abruptly twitched, whirled on the spot, and strode out the door with purpose, the hat hanging off his ears at a slant, she found an explanation wasn’t necessary.

>…What jus’ happened?

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, bad Arana, bad! You had one job! Stay silent, stay hidden! Okay, you had TWO jobs! And you still flubbed them both! Stupid, stupid, stu-”

>Sugarcube, calm down, it’s okay, jus’… what was that? We weren’t finished talkin’ an’ he suddenly…

From the darkness of the ceiling dropped the spiderling, until she was hanging next to Applejack and slowly revolving on her thread.

“W-well… um… That was… sorry! I didn’t mean to!”

>Okay, yer’ sorry. Noted. Now what did y’all do exactly?

“It... it was a c-command weave….”

>Beg yer’ pardon?

Arana’s eight extra appendages all fiddled nervously with one another as she took a breath to steady herself.

“Command… weave. Using our magic, us Spiderlings can weave special commands or orders into our webs… kinda like a remote control? I g-guess, because that’s how momma- I MEAN SCIDERELLA! Th-that’s how Sciderella explained it to me once….”

>…An’… all y’all could do it?

A gleam of pride settled into Arana’s eyes and she regained some form of excitement, her chest puffing out slightly.

“Y-yeah! But my mo-… Sciderella was the best, though! I… I’m kinda weak so I can only do simple commands likes ‘leave’ and, uh… ‘be quiet’, or ‘stop’. It’s kinda like Auntie Chrysalis’s mind magic, except not. Or it might be… It can be broken if the target is strong enough…. But not my Queen’s! She could weave whole sentences into hers! Like, um… ‘go kill that pony’ orrrrr ‘fight to the death’ and- oh! One of her personal favorites was ‘hack yourself to pieces’! She could command weave full-grown dragons, too, that’s how strong she was! Sometimes, she’d make other Changeling hive drones fight each other! Then sometimes she’d make them do really icky stuff….”

>…

“B-but most of the times those other drones were jerkbugs!”

>Ah’m sure.

“Yeah!”

>An’ so… what command did y’all weave into that hat?

“Um… ‘leave Applejack alone for one day.’ S-sorry if I messed things up, I only wanted to he-”

The Spiderling gasped when she found herself being drawn into a warm hug.

>Thanks, Arana.

Arana beamed.

“He was talking a whole lot about nothing-”

>Y’all can say that again.

“-so he needed to go away. I don’t wanna see you overworked again….”

>Aw, yer’ sweet. Didn’t think y’all were strong enough to give that kinda command, though.

“I’m not.”

>Huh?

“Usually, overextending a command weave drains the users life, and since that was a pretty big one I gave I was probably gonna die in the next few hours or so but that hug you just gave me was filled with delicious love! I’m all better before I got the chance to not be alive.”

>…

“Hey, your right eye’s twit-”

>ARANA!

The little Spiderling cringed at Applejack’s harsh tone, legs curling inward.

“D-don’t hurt me, I’m sorry I disobeyed your orders, I p-promise I won’t-”

>Buck the order, that’s not what Ah’m upset about! Sugar, look, Ah appreciate the gesture, really, almost made this tough apple tear up… but don’t y’all go ‘round weavin’ commands that ya can’t handle! If’n Ah had to choose between a three-year long meetin’ and yer’ life, Ah might as well jus’ staple mah ears shut right now, get me?

A quivering nod was her response and Applejack’s face softened with relief.

>Good.

“S-sorry…”

Another hug covered the Spiderling, one flowing with more love than the one before it.

>My gosh but yer' a silly one... jus' means yer’ a keeper, sugarcube. One of the family if ever there was one.

“Mmmmm….”
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>Rarity
"Spike Via Charity"
~~~~

Oh, what a happy, loving day!

The sun was shining!

The birds were singing!

And so was she!

>Thread by thread, stitching it together! Hmmm hm hmmm, dododo... Oh my!

She loved it when her horn glowed like that.

>Spikey-Wikey! I was just thinking about you, as it happened.

Teasingly, she lifted up the... a-hem, 'provocative' number she was working on.

>I was wondering, do you like blue or green better?

"...Uh, Green."

>Fantastic! So, what did you need?

"Well... we need a ride."

>Oh my! Talking dirty over the line is a new thing, I must admit.

"What?...OH! Uh... no, no no, uh, not that I don't want to do that, it's just. WE need a ride. Us. Me, Twi and Dash."

>...Oh?

"Like... now."

>...Spikey-Wikey, did something happen?

"You could say that. Yes.... Rarity?... Raaaarity? Rarara?....jewel of my eye?.... uh... shoot, okay, I think we lost connection here. Going to try to get it back... nope... nope nope nope... come ooooonnn.... Guys, I think she- HOLY SHIT"

Okay, so she didn't know how to land a hoverbike on a dime. Give her a break.

>I BROUGHT THE CANNONS! NOOOOOBODY BETTER TOUCH MY SPIKEY WI- Dash? Are you alright?....Whoops.
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