No Barriers for Love

>Summer, A time of pure laziness and bliss.
>Well, it was supposed to be, anyways.
>I had a bank account full of cash from a job during the semester, a house to myself, all the free time I could want, and a banging new computer. The perfect set-up for doing absolutely nothing.
>Then some other-dimensional, asshole elder god had other ideas.
>Different social circles called it different things. Apocalypse, invasion, Day of the Rape was a trending hashtag among select places.
>Different information from different places had conflicting details and, honestly, I had no idea what was truth, what was fiction, and what was speculation by lunatics.
>Then some green-skin, eight foot tall, black spider chick with horns battered at my door...and ripped it off its hinges.
>I was honestly scared for a bit, what with that crazed look in her eyes, but was pleasantly surprised she instead decided to break my bed frame's legs with me on top of it.
>She was into it, I mean REALLY into it. She was so into it she was mumbling complete gibberish the entire time.
>I don't want to brag, but I can't think of any other guy I knew who could do that to a chick.
>At some point I must've passed out, and she must've stopped because I woke up alone and completely sore with bed sheets sticking to me.
>I could smell smoke and coffee (along with sweat and sex but that's besides the point) in the air, couldn't care about it at the moment. I needed to clean myself up.
>A quick shower was enough to clean the stickiness off, leaving only the burning soreness around my waist.
>The more important thing was the question of where she went.
>Her old clothes, some plate armor that looked like a cross of knight and samurai armor, was still sprawled out near the door, so she was probably still around.
>She wasn't in the kitchen. Instead, she was in the backyard hunched over a fire pit I didn't remember digging out before.
>Did she not know how to work a stove?
>She had gotten dressed back up in some simple clothing, a medieval looking white shirt and what looked like a cow skull bikini bottom.
>Jesus, was she half-tarantula? She had a spider body that was all sorts of fuzzy with as many legs that should be expected of a spider.
>One of her ears, a cowish looking thing, flapped before she turned towards me.
>She gave a bright smile that was somewhat hidden beneath some band of cloth that loosely draped over her face and head.
>She stood up on all eight legs and turned towards me with a skillet with sizzling bacon and a large pot of what smelled of black coffee.
>I didn't think that was an actual thing that happened with chicks, and I had to smile at the pleasantness of this entire situation.
>Then she opened her mouth.
>Oh fuck.
>That wasn't gibberish.

>The chick caught on just as quickly as I did to our situation.
>There was only one thing that could be done.
>Typing everything out in Google Translate.
>It wasn't easy, she was tech illiterate and it went just about as fast as teaching an old person that they can, in fact, do things online.
>Though it didn't even work anyways. She wasn't speaking Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese, no asian language I could think of.
>Even using a microphone for Speech-to-Text didn't work. Whatever language she was speaking seemed to be an amalgamation (according to Google) of a bunch of different languages.
>I should've seen this coming.
>I threw my arms in the air and leaned back into my chair, giving up at trying to understand her.
>Then the chick put her fuzzy arms around me and said something in her gibberish again. The same incomprehensible gibberish I've been listening to for the better part of a goddamn hour.
>I lifted the chick's arms off of me and got up from my chair and began to walk out, much to her unintelligible plea. I needed to think.
>The bed frame was fucked (like me). The mattress springs were probably fucked. The front door was TOTALLY fucked, along with the frame and hinges and would TOTALLY need to be replaced.
>NOW I had a giant pit in the backyard AND a bunch of tiny little holes in the fucking floor from this spider chick's goddamn feet!
>She followed me out and was saying something else now.
>The sex was nice, but she'd overstayed her welcome.
>"You know what," I interrupted, "It was good to meet you. I know you can't understand a goddamn word of what I say, but you need to leave."
>To make sure she understood, I pointed to her before pointing to the door.
>The chick looked almost dumbly at me before moving to the door and...leaning it back against the frame.
>Oh for fuck's sake.
>"Here, let me make it even easier for you to understand."
>I picked up the armor she discarded last night, which was easier said than done. The stuff was easily heavier than a measly thirty-five pounds of human(?) armor.
>How fucking strong was she? Was this even a good idea knowing that?
>I walked through the remains of my front door and out to the sidewalk, where I unceremoniously chucked her gear.
>The chick started saying something as she started to pick her stuff back up, but by the time she had gathered it all back up I had already leaned the door back against the frame.
>I honestly didn't think it'd work in keeping her away.
>I just needed time to myself to figure some things out.

>I planted myself firmly at my computer, reminded of my experience this morning by the still present musk of sex, and began to do some digging.
>It seemed that the hashtag to go down on was going to be #DOTR, if last night was any indication.
>Social media was an absolute mess. On one side there was some tweets about the moniker being triggering though it was only a select few that were blown up.
>The other side was mostly anime girl avatars saying that the day had finally come (and so did they.)
>Others still, horrifically, posting pictures of newly growing inhuman appendages and body parts that belonged more on liveleak, and detailing dramatic mood shifts.
>Some people were taking selfies with their new "partners," but one particular post was skyrocketing in popularity.
>It belonged to an account, a woman who fit every mark of a succubus with blue skin and horns, that was formatted like a government official's account, with words like "official" and "Head of Cultural Integration" in the description.
>The post in question was a pinned series of posts, starting off with a selfie of the woman and a rather happy looking man, with the actual post blubbering about how sweet he was.
>The following posts then actually addressed the details surrounding the DOTR and the race that instigated it.
>Basically, the chicks had achieved dominance in their world, run out of men,  and found a solution in interdimensional travel (for some reason.)
>The race, mamono, came in peace, obviously, although physical force would be applied as needed (and possibly not needed, in the case of more 'aggressive' species.)
>Then I stopped reading and got stuck on a certain passage of the series of posts.
>It wasn't because it was difficult to read, but because it made me freeze in shock and horror.
>It was just three words. Three little words that put the fear of god into me.
>Mate.
>For.
>LIFE.
>Oh.
>Fuck.
>No no no, no that had to be a hyperbole.
>The most prolific comments were "What if you didn't want the relationship? What if you want to get a divorce or something?"
>No answers except from cynical posters.
>Then, as if on que, an already familiar clacking of legs on a hard surface made itself known.
>I could almost hear "The Bitch Came Back" playing in my head.

>Oh no.
>The spider chick was back, except this time she was dragging a huge trunk with her.
>Oh HELL NO.
>There was no way I was going to let a walking, incomprehensible CHORE stomp into my life. Not now, not ever
>I rushed out to meet her, waving my hands and shouting, "NOOO, no, no, no, no, NO. You are NOT about to just walk into MY house like YOU own it!"
>We practically blocked each other on the front walk.
>She instantly had an indignant look and said...SOMETHING in a matching tone.
>Her eyes were striking, to say the least; a bright, emerald green with an already existing sharpness made even sharper with frustration and temper.
>Although it wasn't remotely as frightening as her more bestial look from last night.
>Even then, no scary looking eyes were going to deter my anger.
>To describe the "argument," it could be seen as a more heated version of a citizen trying to tell an asian immigrant they couldn't just walk in somewhere and the immigrant arguing in THEIR language.
>From there, it escalated into a full on shouting match between me and her. We both refused to stand down from our assumed positions of homeowner and homewrecker.
>Neighbors and bystanders quickly gathered about to watch the shouting match, much to my own embarrassment.
>She must've seen it too, if her eyes darting about were any indication.
>She decided to end the argument to save face then and there, and roughly shoved me aside to clear her path.
>Jesus she was strong! I'm not the smallest or biggest guy, but I'd bet she'd be able to toss me like a ragdoll if she wanted.
>Compared to her, I had no choice in any matters. The feeling of powerless was further reinforced when I watched her shove the door aside to drag her trunk inside my house.
>I got back to my feet and shouted, "FINE! Take the damn house! I hope you go to hell with it too!"
>I stomped off, ignoring anything the chick was shouting now.
>I wonder if any of my local pals from uni had any vacancies that could be filled.

>Of course I'd have no such luck finding a place to stay.
>Those who weren't already partnered up and wanting extra privacy were insanely paranoid and barricaded themselves away from the world.
>Oh and of course there was a thunder storm on the horizon. Because that elder god I talked about earlier thought he'd get a few yucks out of me.
>By the time I returned home, my feet were blisteringly sore to match my pelvis, it was getting dark, and it was already sprinkling.
>The chick was still there and was waiting at the door, and looked remarkably annoyed.
>I almost considered turning around and sleeping outside in the rain.
>Almost.
>At least she didn't grab or yell at me when I walked in.
>The house was dark, the lights still off from this morning. Made sense that she wouldn't know the damn things worked.
>I turned on the ceiling light and took in, for once, a pleasant surprise.
>She had cleaned up a majority of the mess around the front door, and was seemingly careful with where she walked as there weren't any more holes in the floor than from this morning.
>Her trunk was open and its contents were spread out on several blankets around it, lots of different helmets that obviously didn't fit her, and different, exotic tapestries and objects that seemed to be from different cultures.
>War paraphernalia? Trophies? And how did all of it fit into that trunk?
>While I gawked at her belongings, she had filled up the coffee kettle from this morning and was heading outside into the rain with a bundle of leaves.
>If she was going to live with me, she wasn't going to be a transplant from whatever middle age she was from.
>I stopped her (to whatever annoyed thing she was trying to say) and said, "Just, let me do it."
>I took the kettle from her and, along with her, brought it to my stove.
>I placed the kettle on the stove and, making sure she watched, turned on the "Turbo Boil" burner.
>The sound of the stove igniting startled her... and put a few holes in the kitchen tile, if the cracking I heard was any indication.
>Fucking perfect.
>"Oh fucking- Get out. Go wait in the living room!"
>I shoo'd her out of the kitchen, making her hand over the leaves before she left.
>If I had to guess, she was trying to make tea, which should be easy enough to do.
>Boiling the water was mostly waiting, time I used to gather several coffee mugs from my cupboards and to watch her.
>She didn't sit on the couch, thankfully, and instead seemed content sitting (kneeling?) in front of the coffee table with her legs folded beneath her.
>The storm, in the meanwhile, had finally arrived and was pouring outside. The winds were a gail of violence that blew down the piece of scrap wood that was the front door.
>The chick was quick to react, jumping from her position to stop it from falling to the floor with a curse.
>I heard a thwip of something moist hit a wall, drawing me away from my position at the stove.
>Oh yeah, she was a spider. She had used web from...somewhere to mount the door back into place.
>The kettle blew with steam, signalling that the water was ready. I stuck the leaves inside and set a timer for the tea leaves to soak.
>The thunderstorm was right on top of the house, and thunder roared all about while rain came down in almost periodic sheets.
>The moment the timer went off, a flash of lightning and thunder lit up the house one final time before casting it into darkness.
>Because of COURSE the power should go out.

>Once again, the spider-chick was quick to react.
>She muttered something in that gibberish of hers and was skittering around in the dark, towards her trunk.
>From it she pulled a lantern, which she then lit and placed on the coffee table.
>So help me god if it's got oil or some shit that's going to leave a stain.
>It wasn't much light, but it was enough for me to take two mugs of tea over to the couch without tripping over anything.
>Before handing her her cup, I demonstrated the fact she needed to use a coaster for the mug.
>At least she was able to understand that, even if she treated it like a tea plate.
>We sat there in silence, idly watching the lantern's flames, our only entertainment, as the thunderstorm raged on.
>She tried to intimately saddle close to me, impressive considering we were on the couch and her spider end was practically spilling over the back, which I countered by scooting closer to the end opposite of her.
>Then all at once, she set down her tea and coaster and put her hands into the closest thing to a lap she had.
>Out of the corner of my eye, I saw that her claws, nasty, sharp, looking things, were slowly clenching together.
>Oh fuck those were definitely knuckles that were cracking.
>Then she slammed one of those sets of claws into the couch cushions and stood up in a storm of movement and glared daggers at me.
>Remember what I said about nothing topping her "bestial" look being the scariest?
>This did.
>This was it. I had officially been cruising for a bruising for too long and now I was going to be nothing but a paste on the wall.
>She started to speak, very slow, very solidly, sometimes repeating words that I had said before, and the whole while I was trying to disappear into the cushions of my couch.
>As she spoke, she pointed out the door and the floor holes, still speaking as if I could understand.
>Then, all at once, she threw herself at my feet in prostration.
>Then she said, "Tha loi watashi." before looking up, with an infinitely softer look of regret and desperation.
>...
>She repeated, "Tha loi," before pointing to herself, "watashi."
>I still couldn't figure out what she was trying to say.
>Did I need to love her? Was she trying her hardest? Was she sorry? Was her name Watashi?
<"Tha Loi...watashi."
>I needed to pick one to go forward with. She looked like she was about to burst out into tears.
>"I forgive you."
>She perked up, as if she had finally understood what I said.
>I really don't think it matters what I say, so long as my tone is soft enough.
>"I forgive you."
>You ever see a tarantula pounce on a grasshopper?
>Neither have I, but I imagine that's a bit of what she looked like.
>She had me in a bear hug in a flash, her arms around my shoulders and her face nuzzled against my hair.
>Gotta admit, I still didn't really get how this sort of love could pop up out of a one night stand.
>Hell, we didn't even know each other's names yet.
>Wait...

>Trying to get names across would be a good idea, but I needed to be able to breath to do that.
>I patted at her arm in an attempt to get her off of me. She responded by kissing my head in a downward path.
>"No, no." It took some more coercion to get her to back off somewhat, much to her own confusion.
>I looked her in the eye and pointed to myself.
>"Adam."
>I hoped that her raised eyebrows showed that she was catching on.
>I pointed to her, trying my damnedest to create a verbal blank for her to fill in with her name.
>She put one of her claws to my chest, repeating, "Adamu." in what was now heavily accented English.
>"Yeah, yeah!" I nodded, "Now what's yours?"
>She slowly brought her claw back to herself and putting it to her chest.
<"Aiko."
>"Yes! YES!" Finally a breakthrough!
>I started to laugh, almost hysterically, and she was starting to laugh too.
>I pointed my thumb at myself, repeating, "Adam," before pointing at her, "Aiko!"
>She repeated, in opposite order. "Aiko," she started, "Adamu!" She finished, with an ecstatic grin.
>"YEEEEEES!" I shouted. We finally fucking found words we both could understand!
>After all this time of nonsensical gibberish, we finally understood SOMETHING from each other!
>I raised my fingers up and said, "Wait." before dashing back to my computer desk.
>Like hell we were stopping there.
>My desk contained everything I needed, stacks of paper, pencils, pens, although anything meant for coloring was out of the question.
>It didn't matter. It was enough for what I needed.
>My return to the living room was met with curiosity from Aiko, who watched as I slammed down the work materials on the coffee table.
>Trusty mechanical pencil, do your stuff!
>I started with a stick-man, O shaped head and all, before moving onto the more difficult drawing.
>Starting with with the torso of a stick-man, I drew a crude spider bottom before giving her wild hair along with horns, and that stupid band of cloth.
>Though, something wasn't quite right with it.
>What the hell this is the best I cou-
>AHA! Tits!
>Aiko gave a giggle at the detail as I finished the project.
>Drawing an arrow towards the first stick-man, I labeled it, "Adam" before giving the stick...spider...stick-spiderwoman her own arrow.
>Now, for the next step of this little project.
>I pointed my pencil at my name and traced it, reading, "Adam." Before pointing at Aiko's charactiture.
>Then I offered Aiko a wooden pencil.
>She gingerly took it in a claw and looked over it for a moment, before tenderly placing it against the paper and beginning to write.
>Damn, she's got a surprisingly steady hand.
>She pulled her pencil back after finishing some sort of oriental symbol.
>She put a claw just below the symbol and recited, "Aiko," before moving it to beneath my label.
<"Adamu."
>Fuck YES.

>There was no stopping us.
>Screw you Elder God! No thunderstorm or blackout was going to keep us down!
>Next I drew a (rather impressive) dong on my stick-man and joined him with a normal stick-woman.
>Then I labeled them "man" and "woman," before repeating it vocally.
>Aiko caught on and labled herself with another symbol, and stated, quite proudly, "Ushi-Oni."
>Now, a broader scope.
>I grouped me and the stick-woman in a circle and labeled, "Human." Before starting on Aiko's side.
>What would be a good thing to group her with?
>Oh yeah! The OFFICIAL Head of Cultural Integration!
>Yet another stick-woman, this time with a tail, wings, and horns, and grouped with Aiko's ushi-oni.
>She pointed out the succubus as "Demon." and labeled her group what she called "Mamono."
>I think I read that term thrown around on social media earlier (the demon part especially on religious twitter.)
>That was...kind of refreshing with the upfrontness.
>It kinda spiraled out of control from there.
>We started drawing and labeling anything we could find, one of us would write it in our language, then the other would write it (as best we could) in our own language.
>Dogs, cats, nekomatas, cait siths, cu siths.
>Anything that we could physically draw was fair game.
>I did manage to catch her off guard by drawing shit though. THAT got a gut laugh. Laughed quite a bit myself.
>Here we were, having discovered a bridge of sorts across the language barrier, and we used it to find out the word shit.
>Incredible.
>Fatigue quickly set in on my part, despite my earlier excitement.
>The last thing I remember before nodding off was sitting between her legs with my head resting in her chest while she got into a flurry with drawing.
>The morning came quietly and without much fanfare, save some sunlight, water dripping from the rafters outside, and an extinguished lantern.
>The thunderstorm had come and gone, though the clouds were still within sight. We could probably expect a few more showers for a bit.
>Somehow, I managed to wake up before her, and was being treated like a giant teddy bear while she laid out fully on the couch.
>There was no way to get out of this without really waking her up.
>Lifting one of her claws off of me only made her hold on tighter, while she grumbled something and nuzzled her face deeper into my hair.
>A second attempt was more successful, a claw lifted allowed me to slide out of her grasp and onto the floor.
>I landed in a pile of paper that had been strewn about from either our frenzied doodling or the storm winds.
>What had she gotten up to last night?
>The only thing on the table was the remains of now practically blunt pencils and paper that Aiko used for her latest sketches.
>It was a bunch of pictographs of an ushi-oni and a stick-man doing various lewd activities including kissing, eating out, oral, and straight up sex.
>Man she must've gotten inspired or something.
>The stove sparking startled me two-fold. It was first the thought of a home invader (besides Aiko), and then the realization that despite her build, Aiko was deceptively quiet.
>She smiled from behind the stove and said "Yoake, Adamu."
>Yoake, that was the word she used for sunrise and dawn.
>"Dawn, Aiko." I responded.
>She smiled and went back to whatever she was beginning to work on.
>Back to the new drawings, she labeled it all beneath one word, and I was about to write out "sex" (or fuck for a more direct word) but then I gave it pause.
>There was one more drawing in one of the corners of the paper. Nothing as elaborate or lewd as the earlier pictures, but somehow even more telling.
>It was a stick-man labled "Adam" (in bad handwriting) and an ushi-oni labeled with Aiko's name. Both of them were somewhat close to one another so that their arms were touching on one side.
>They were holding hands.
>Between her standing at the stove and the picture, I had my answer for what to label the collection, much to my own internal disagreement.
>Love.

>A week passed and things began to...normalize a bit.
>Things began to settle down, it was rare now to hear a guy screaming in the middle of the night (or day) from being forcibly partnered up.
>Someone managed to get the power back in order, and most services had already been restored.
>Had to give the new regime or whatever credit, they worked FAST.
>Aiko had practically dug in as well, her old paraphernalia and tapestries now decorated the house, and she had made the coffee table an office desk of sorts.
>Whoever she was, she was of some moderate importance, if the constant deliveries by mamono were any indication.
>Despite this, she still had ample time to go about the house, helping around with cleaning and some of the repair work I've started since (and due to) her arrival.
>For myself, I was browsing social media and getting together a basic idea of how things were changing and what other kinds of mamono there were.
>To think, goddamn sandworms that were bigger than my house existed, and had a chick inside of it!
>Every evening we'd repeat what we did that first night together, figuring out different words and their meanings and labeling them in our respective languages.
>Both of us had a growing vocabulary, we had the basics practically down, things like "Hello" and "Good bye."
>We had quite the collection of translations going right now, you could use the entirety of it as a new decorative wallpaper.
>One morning, just after breakfast, there was another knock on the still not-yet-replaced door. I swear we were going to get to that next.
>Another guest, or messenger for Aiko, I assumed.
>This time was different. The woman who walked in wasn't just the usual affair of a uniform and rigid salutations, this time it was a remarkably decorated (and armored) one, with scars to match.
>Her armor bore similar insignias to Aiko's, and was of a similar style, barring Aiko's more unique build.
>She was a red oni, complete with bright red skin and horns that burst out from a head of white hair that reached down to her waist.
>Instead of the straight-backed salute and silence, she was loud and sloppy, coming with a greeting and a half-assed salute.
>Aiko responded in kind and was smiling rather casually. She spread her arms out and twisted her torso around as if to brag about her diggings.
>And forgetting the fact this was still MY house.
>She turned to me and said, "Adamu, Duìzhang Urwai Fuashi. Urwai, Adamu."
>I gave a half-assed salute myself, saying, "Hello Duìzhang. How do you do?"
>She double-taked between me and Aiko the moment I spoke.
>After a little bit, she asked Aiko something in their language, something Aiko responded too a little less enthusiastically, before turning to me.
>"You two seriously don't have a shared language yet?"
>I was positively floored. Literally, I slid out of my chair in shock.
>She was just speaking Aiko's language a moment ago, and she was able to speak in perfectly articulated, American English.
>I picked myself up from the floor and responded, "You can speak English?!"
<"Yeah. And don't bother calling me...'captain,' I guess would be the equivalent. You're not a soldier so please, call me Urwai."
>Great, AND I got the name wrong.
>"How long's it been? A week? Two weeks? How the hell did you learn to speak English already?"
<"I didn't."
>Urwai looked over to Aiko and began to speak in her language again before turning back to me.
<"Great, I have to explain this twice for my good, old, eight-legged burden's new hubby."
>I almost objected, but it'd be a REALLY bad idea to say she wasn't when Aiko and I actually probably started something AND her friend was more than likely just as strong as she was.
<"Basically, the Office of Cultural Integration's been working on that and's been opening places around to deal with that barrier. I'm surprised Aiko here didn't hear about it."
>Aiko asked a question and Urwai responded and translated, "Yes, that's your way to deal with the problem you two have probably been having for the past week now. Although..."
>"Although what?" I asked.
>"Although you'll probably be hard pressed to get in. Last I saw of the offices they were positively SWAMPED with demand. Gotta say, I didn't expect our group to get matchmaking so quickly."
>She repeated the answer to Aiko, who asked another question to Urwai.
>Jesus this was actually infuriating with having to wait for the explanation in a language I knew.
>"Ehhh," Urwai answered, shrugging and grimacing, "I mean, you could...PROBABLY use your rank? When I went in there they had me waiting behind Toshi for their services, the bitches."
>"So basically we're out of luck for finding a quick appointment?"
<"Basically. But I may have a small idea of something you could do. A few other of the girls under my command missed out on their chance for an early appointment and had to go somewhere else. Not really an official thing, and from what they told me they got gouged by a danuki out of a good time's pay."
>Aiko asked something in her language again, something that Uwai responded to somewhat seriously.
>They went back and forth a bit, discussing something in their language.
>She didn't repeat it in English either.
>"Hey," I asked, "What were the main points of that exchange?"
>She looked back towards me and waved it off, stating, "You don't need to worry about it, it's something Aiko will deal with."
>"Anyway," she transitioned, "I'll ask where they went and I'll get back to you on it. Besides that, good to meet you Adam, it was a pleasure to meet you."
>She said something to Aiko, shook her hand and walked out of our house.
>Even though we didn't entirely understand each other yet, me and Aiko look towards each other with equal parts apprehension and disbelief.
>How the fuck did we both miss that opportunity?

>Urwai sent a messenger, an overly enthusiastic harpy (or was it a tengu?), to give us the address of the language office.
>I actually knew the place. It was a vacant office complex that was only a short drive away.
>Before we left, Aiko sent off the messenger with another message, where to and about what I didn't know.
>All I knew was that it wasn't going to be an easy drive.
>Aiko's unique build had problems just fitting in my car, a half-decent sedan.
>The only way I could get her to remotely fit was to put the passenger seat all the way backwards to make room for her body.
>And on top of the inability for her to use a seat belt, I also realized she might very well poke holes in the leather.
>Fucking wonderful. God, I just hope the streets were quiet today.
>Thankfully, the roads about town were, for the most part, cleared AND quiet. Cars that had been abandoned during the initial intrusion by mamono had either been towed away or reclaimed by their owners.
>The only thing that remained was ruined clothing.
>The complex was no longer vacant, if the unprofessional, plywood sign reading "Silverman Language and Marriage Consultation" in what looked like several different languages was any indication.
>"Well," I started, "Looks like this is the place."
>As I undid my seat belt, Aiko stopped me in my seat and said something.
>Evidently she wanted to wait up for something.
>It wasn't very long before two mamono soldiers showed up, another oni and a girl with a lower half that looked like a centipede.
<"Oomukade," she mentioned.
>Aiko was careful with the door handle letting herself out and actually managed to not break it off.
>She had learned that there were a lot of things she could accidentally break, at least.
>They greeted each other with a salute, an actual one, before Aiko addressed them in her language, looking and sounding much more authoritative than I'd heard her before.
>Aiko finished whatever she was saying and, with one more salute, had the two soldiers idling near the car.
>I guess the wait was over, if Aiko beckoning was any indication.
>I'd like to believe that when I walked in and saw a giant spider with a girl in its weird, tentacle mouth, I merely walked back out instead of yelping and hopping back outside.
>Aiko gave a weird look and peered inside before rolling her eyes. She beckoned me once again with one of her claws.
>Getting near her, she nodded in the direction of the giant spider and whispered, "Atlach-Nacha."
>Because evidently THAT exists. Whatever happened to the mamono being chicks huh?!
>The lobby was mostly empty, save the giant spider and chick and the front desk, which was manned by a single danuki.
>In my time looking on social media for information, I've seen a LOT of merchant memes involving them.
>"Hello!" she happily started, before repeating it in another language, "How can I help you?"
>Me and Aiko looked at each other somewhat stupefied.
>We hadn't actually discussed who would talk.
>I took the initiative, stammering, "Uhm, we're uh, we've got a language...problem. Language barrier."
>"You've come to the right place sir. Do you have an appointment with our language consultants?"
>"Uh, no...do we need an appointment? Do we need to make one?"
>"Oh no, no we take walk-ins! Today especially, we've got a newly-wed discount going on due to recent times!"
>That was good. I think. "I mean, our, situation is kinda complicated. What's the going rate right now?"
>I should've listened to the memes.

>"TWO THOUSAND DOLLARS?! Man that's insane! What the hell's the newly wed discount?!"
>"Our newly wed discount, provided you two actually are married, is at a rate of ten percent, going soon!"
>"YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!"
<I didn't understand what Adam was saying, or even how much was being thrown around, but his tone and face was enough to tell me that it was a gouging price.
<The danuki was trying to keep a servant's demeanor, but I could see that edge of smugness in her eyes.
<Damn, vermin-stripped, rodent-bait. It was always no wonder why people preferred the company of kitsune to danuki, in all of their perverseness.
<She looked towards me and seemed to finally realize she wasn't keeping me updated on the talks.
>"I apologize, but keeping both parties updated is always a difficult point for separate language couples. We are currently discussing the price and...you're from the zipangu correct?"
<"Yes I am," I answered.
>"Then converting the price should be for relativity..." she looked into the air, doing whatever monetary conversions she needed for us. "...about two-hundred fifteen-thousand, eight-hundred thirty kenos!"
<I was breathless. That WAS a gouging price!
<"That is QUITE the price, do you happen to have a military discount?"
>"We do, but I'm sad to say our policy prevents discount stacking."
>"But that's not-" Adam tried to interject.
<I stopped his words with a hand. I needed to take over, I was the one with more experience with dealing with her kind.
<"Well...me and my husband have been having the worst times trying to fix what was destroyed due to our communication problems.  Isn't there anything you can do to try and help us with this burden?"
>"Well ma'am," she leaned back in her chair, as if prepping herself to strike like a snake, "I understand that you have problems. Lots of mamono have problems. Don't you think..." she raised a brow, "that maybe you needed to look somewhat inward to fix your own problems before you created them? I know that ushi-onis used to cause an awful lot before they created those seals.
<It still amazes me how able my seal was to controlling feelings other than lust.
<If not for it, half of the walls probably wouldn't be standing.
>"Oh by all means, get upset and leave." Obviously my emotions were showing remarkably on the sleeve. "I know exactly how busy those other language centers are. You can leave but it won't be long before you come skittering back here. You'll be waiting for that appointment to come months from now and soon enough you won't be able to take it anymore. That ushi lust will see to that."
<Adam was getting visibly nervous, even from the corner of my vision.
>"Aiko, chi-"
<I silenced him with another well placed motion of my hand. "How DARE you insult me and my race when I ask for assistance? Do you danuki have no sense of morality?!"
>"You've got your own money and his own money, right?" She asked. "You two should easily be able to afford it if you pitch together. Hell, maybe you could even make him foot most of the bill?"
>She leaned in, finally delivering that final envenomed strike of words. "I'm certain you could, and no one would think anything of it, what with your heritage and all."
<I asked nicely.
<Now, I was going to insist.
<I forced my hand to unclich itself and forced it into my tunic, digging for my mark of authority. "Correct me if I am wrong," I started, "but you ARE Mrs. Silverman, correct?"
>"That I am."
<"There was a reason I asked for the discount."
<My insignia, my badge of authority over a legion of soldiers, hit the table with a resounding cling that seemed to echo in the emptiness of the hall stone and glass we were confined in.
<The danuki, Silverman, looked down at the insignia now lying on her desk and seemed to realize the situation she found herself in.
>"Well," she started, "That's certainly impre-"
<A sudden slamming of my hands on the edge of the table interrupted her words. She wasn't going to do anymore talking.
<The white stone desk she had seemed pliant enough. It would do for a demonstration.
<"But now I've forgotten about the discount. NOW I want law and fairness...AND free services."
<She cringed at the word "free."
<Naturally.
<"I've heard about your gouging here from some earlier customers of yours and found it within my authority to see that this is corrected, and made official with the Office of Cultural Integration."
<"As my mark tells those who see it, I command a legion of soldiers that obey my words, ones who will gladly see to it that my will is carried out. As a matter of fact, there are TWO of them outside this building this very moment."
<She was already shrinking into her chair, cornering herself.
<It was a mistake I capitalized upon by leaning forward with my visage on full bare, and beginning my demonstration upon the table.
<"And allow me to remind you, you DARED to insult an ushi-oni, a daughter of Clan Oshami. Not only an ushi-oni..."
<The table had began to show visible and audible cracks, and yet her attention was stuck on my eyes.
<"...but one standing just in front of you,"
<The table split with a loud crack as bits of rock flew about the room, causing Adam and Silverman both to flinch in surprise. The now destroyed slabs of stone fell away and left the desk as a bare, metal stand.
<Silverman was officially huddled within that chair of hers, holding her tail as a sort of comforter or shield.
<Even somewhere as alien as this place, danuki never change.

>Once Aiko stopped talking in that low, slow tone she used a week earlier, the danuki suddenly perked up and said, "I-Iave good news sir! You qualify for BOTH the newly wed AND Military discount!"
>"Uh huh," I grunted, "What is it now?"
>"Totally f...f-fr...free..."
>The memes were doubly right.
>And whatever Aiko was saying to her the whole time. It probably had something to do with the granite desk.
>Jesus Christ she managed to pull apart a goddamn slab of granite.
>"Well alright! Can we head in right now or something?"
>"I-no. I mean, our current language s-specialist is currently busy with another cus- couple. They'll be out soon-ish. I mean, quickly!"
>Well she was certainly more descriptive.
>As soon as she repeated what she said in Aiko's language, Aiko's mood visually improved. She gave a smug little smile and, if I remember one of our sessions correctly, said "Thanks."
>I guess all we needed to do was wait for our consultant to finish up with whoever.
>I took a seat with Aiko opposite of the room from the other giant spider in the room.
>As much as I tried to look inconspicuous, there are more than a few times me and the other spider's many, bodily eyes happened to meet as my own wandered for something to look at.
>It was...odd. I didn't think it was possible for a spider to look embarrassed at something, not to say anything against Aiko.
>Then it started to speak. I swear I didn't jump a clear inch out of my chair.
>"Cahf ah nafl mglw'nafh hh' ahor syha'h ah'legeth, ng llll or'azath syha'hnahh n'ghftephai n'gha ahornah ah'mglw'nafh."
<"Yeah, yeah. I heard you the first time about that."
>Oh great, now the chick in its mouth was starting to talk to it.
<"Honestly you need to stop complaining." She raised her arms and started to shake her hands. "'Aaah no! Now I'm a giant spider! This can't be happening!' oh be quiet you baby."
>And she was a BITCH too! Holy shit, she was a total thot!
>The spider said something else in that completely alien language. Amongst the gurgling I thought I could hear actual emotion.
>From a giant spider.
<"Look, you arguing with me over how you look isn't going to make people stop looking at you! Don't you know that when you're ugly you have to AVOID drawing attention to yourself?!"
>At this point the gurgling and the chick's own bitchiness melded together. Mainly because Aiko stole my attention my manually twisting my head back towards her.
>"Adamu!" she scolded.
>She took two of her claws and pointed them towards my eyes before directing them towards a hallway besides the front desk where the danuki was staring at the newly created rubble.
>Oh, right. It was rude to stare.
>Sitting there, idly pretending to not hear the (not-so) domestic dispute going on just a few feet away, I started to think a little bit.
>Maybe me and Aiko's relationship situation wasn't as bad as I thought.
>At least, as bad as it could be.

>It wasn't too long before a door down the hall from the lobby opened up, with a human looking couple passing through it.
>I say look human because the woman who walked out had ridiculously long hair, hair that looked like it was wrapped around the guy of the couple.
>They were followed by a remarkably curvy woman with hooved ox legs and horns. A woman Aiko labeled a "Hakutaku," with some relief in her voice.
>When she walked, jesus when she walked, all of her assets demonstrated their existence.
>Aiko visibly looked about from me, to her, and to herself, even in the corner of my eye.
>I patted her arm and gave her a smile in an attempt to reassure her.
>In her defense, they ONLY gave Aiko's a run for their money.
>The hakutaku took one look at the remains of the desk and at Aiko before whispering something to the desk danuki.
>The daunki replied with something else and the hakutaku seemed to acknowledge some sort of personal prediction of the situation.
>Almost startlingly, she seemed to put on the same mask of happy, customer service when she looked back over to me and Aiko.
>"Hello! Konichihao! You two are next, correct?" She asked to the other giant spider duo.
>"N-no." The desk danuki corrected, "They're here for the intimate relationship consultation. They," she pointed at me and Aiko, "are here for language barrier bridging."
>"Ah, my mistake. Please, come with me." The hakutaku beckoned.
>Me and Aiko followed her to the door she had just exited with the other couple.
>Her office was remarkably spacey, the furniture the office had had been pushed towards the walls of the room, with only a few chairs left in the center for us to sit in.
>Just from living with Aiko, this was clearly meant for spacial accommodations for mamono.
>Of course, instead of there just being three chairs for sitting, there were two regular, waiting room chairs and one big, brown beanbag chair.
>Again, accommodations it seemed.
>She offered us the seats and Aiko sat her spider body on the beanbag chair, sighing with relief from standing for so long.
>If she was going to be staying with me, it was something I was going to have to keep in mind.
>"So, I am Teacher Tuzi. I specialize in linguistics and I'll be bridging the gap between the two of you language wise!"
>"Now, Mrs. Silverman didn't tell me at the desk, but did you pay for the one-way or the two way crossing option?"
>Shit, we never actually discussed that.
>Just after she finished repeating what she asked in Aiko's language, me and Aiko simultaneously held up two fingers and replied "Two-way!"
>"Alright, now I'm going to need both of you to lean in close. Come here."
>Me and Aiko looked at each other, smirking a bit from our jinx before getting serious with Tuzi's request.
>Both of us leaned in towards Tuzi, who placed her hands on both of our heads and closing her eyes.
>All at once, a tsunami of and meanings and phonetics swarmed my mind, whispers of an alien yet familiar language filled the room, and various symbols dashed across my vision like dots of blind intelligence.
>There was...wait, did she REALLY enjoy feeling that sort of thing there?
>Shit, I think more than just languages was being transferred here.
>Our language consultant lifted her hands from our heads and I NEEDED to know if that was actually a thing.
>I reached over to Aiko and, while she was still recovering from the assault of information, rubbed firmly where her lower back seemed to fuse (Jesus I never actually gave that a real look) to her spider body.
>She gave a throaty moan of relief and...was that a bit of what she sounded like when we first met?
>She was obviously shocked that I knew of that location, and retaliation was swift.
>How the hell did she know exactly where that spot on my hip was?!
>"How the FUCK do you know about that?!" I shouted.
>Wait.
>That wasn't English.
<"How didu you know thhot place Adamu?!"
>Holy shit.
>That WAS English.

>Well that was one problem out of the way.
>Only, now there was another problem.
>I wasn't able to speak English like I normally would, my speech would default to Aiko's language instead.
>Though there was also another problem on top of that one.
<"Adamu! Arh you aber to speek my rangruage?"
>That accent was RAPIDLY wearing on my nerves.
>Looking over to Tuzi, she was looking relatively calm, if somewhat satisfied with her work.
>"Hey," I asked, "I can't speak English anymore!"
>Then that look of dumb confusion. "What do you mean?" She asked.
>"I physically CANNOT speak English."
>Aiko's expression soured as she listened in on the complaint. When she tried to vocalize something else, she replied, "Ah can't speak Zipanguese!"
>Tuzi looked worried at the development, before stating, "Oh dear, that's unfortunate. It looks like you two have a problem that happens every so often. Not to worry, it's easily fixable, we have a special consultant for that, just know that Mrs. Silverman might charge you more for it."
<"Not eh probrem fo us." Said Aiko.
>I leaned in close to Tuzi and whispered "Please tell me there's a way to fix that too."
>She gave a little scoff before nodding. "I'll go and talk to Mrs. Lyi'ahcth to see about helping you."
>Alright, two problems with one stone! That was perfect!
>Despite how good it sounded, Aiko not only looked confused, but even looked remarkably worried about it.
>Tuzi walked us back into the lobby and told us to wait a minute before going to the door opposite of her.
>The giant spider and the girl were gone. Where to, I didn't know.
>Tuzi came back after a minute and whispered something to the desk danuki, still depressed looking, who merely nodded.
>She came up to us before exclaiming, "Wow, I didn't expect you guys would finish up the transaction that quickly with her!"
>Me and Aiko looked over at each other before back at her. "Yeah," I started, "What about Mrs...whatever her name was?"
>"Ah yes, she's currently dealing with another couple. She'll be out shortly with you however. I wish you two the best of luck, and a happy relationship!"
>Tuzi gave a bow before she ducked away back to her "office," leaving us to wait for the new assistant.
>Aiko was fidgeting in her seat the whole time, obviously with something on her mind.
>"Hey," I nudged her, "what's wrong?"
<"It's...the new one. The doctor, I mean."
>"The name worry you? Is it another race thing I don't know about?"
<"Yea...one of bad omen and repute. Very much worse than regular danuki."
>Oh boy.
>"What do you think it is?"
>The door seemed to open in response to my question.
>Instead of a giant spider, it was a remarkably professional (well, as professional as you can when nude) man with the spider chick looking upset while clinging to his arm.
>And with them came a new woman, a woman with pale skin, covered in purple, fleshy looking clothes, with similarly colored tentacles for hair that seemed to squirm on their own accord.
>Aiko instantly grabbed onto my arm and began to squeeze painfully tight.
<"Mindufrayah" she whispered.

>"Hello~" The mindflayer started, her voice sounding sophisticated, yet almost physically DRIPPING with some sort of depravity, "I, am Mrs. Lyi'ahcth, but you may call me 'Mrs. Latch,' in your tongue."
>She extended a hand, palm upwards, as if beckoning us to take her hand. "How do you do?"
>I was apprehensive to take her hand from her voice alone, Aiko glaring upwards at her only reinforced the doubt.
<"We ah rookin fo a sorution to ahwa probrem."
>"Is it the one where you're speaking one language only instead of it being your choice?"
>"Mhm." I mumbled.
>"I see. Allow me to apologize on behalf of my colleague. Hakutaku may be great teachers, but they often have tiny..." her expression changed to a veneer of disgust, as if seeing something she simultaneously despised and was disgusted by, "...glitches, that can pop up sometimes."
>The way she said "glitches" put the hair on the back of my neck on edge.
>"If you come with me to my office, I can fix you and make you...better."
>Aiko was squeezing again, and holy goddamn I think she was liable to break my arm at this rate.
>Latch seemed to notice Aiko's distress and was quick to respond. "I give you my word, I will not go any further than you would see me go."
>Aiko stood up slowly, almost dragging me up with her.
<"Then you hav mah whord, that if anything happen, two soldiers ahre outside."
>Latch gave a bemused smile and snorted at the declaration. "Whatever makes you feel better~."
>Evidently she was used to this sort of stand-offish attitude.
>We followed her to her office, a similar set up to Tuzi's, albeit there was a small table with a set of tea cups and a pot.
>We sat down in our respective chairs while Latch took the extra effort to stretch out her...dress(?) before she sat down.
>She's either very care-free about what people think of her or she was just rolling in it. I honestly couldn't tell.
>"I'll have to say this now," she began while taking the tea pot in her hands, "this may feel somewhat obtrusive, but, sadly, that is the nature of my services."
>She poured tea into a tea cup for each of us, and pushed a cup for me and Aiko to drink from.
>"But I assure you, you will be the better for it." She stood up from her chair with her teacup and plate in hand. "Please, drink."
>Me and Aiko looked at each other quizzically before picking up the cups in front of us.
>Latch moved slowly behind us and Aiko moved her eyes and kept them on her the whole time while mine were practically glued to the tea cup.
>"Please, drink." Latch insisted, "It will help you relax."
>Aiko looked back to her cup for a split second, like some last second consideration of what she was doing, before beginning to gulp it down.
>If she was taking the dive, I might as well join in.
>The tea itself was an almost sickly, sweet thing. If there was sugar in it, there was way too much of it in there.
>Latch placed a hand on my shoulder, and placed one on Aiko's.
>"Breath in...smell the scent of sage in the air...taste the sage in the tea..." she whispered.
>A wet, squelching racket emerged behind us as a new sensation slowly worked its own way up my shoulder.
>Latch seemed to take a break to take a sip of tea and...wait a minute.
>If her hand was on my shoulder, and her other was on Aiko's...
>"...and Relax...let me fix you~."
>Something inserted itself into my ear and instantly my body tensed up.
>I couldn't move, I was totally paralyzed, against my will.
>The thing in my ear squirmed and writhed, leaving with sensations that my brain was being coddled, wrapped in some sort of fleshy rope and being SQUEEZED.
>Then it all went black.

>Then, I was back-
>No, wait, not the office, back ho-
>No, Shit! I was elsewhere, some zen Japanese looking place, before I was ripped elsewhere!
>"Home" I swear I heard. Heard? No, knew.
>But that was impossible. How could I be at home and then suddenly be such a distance away?
>From…somewhere, I heard rhythmic clinking, and Latch's voice echoing from…SOMEWHERE.
>"…and now we bring things back into focus…"
>I was in a black void with a spotlight beaming down on an office table and chairs on a purple floor.
>Me and Aiko were back in our chairs while Latch was in front of us again, stirring her tea with a spoon.
>"I apologize for the trip, I always prefer to set up a more…private space for consultation. I find it a lot quieter for cases like the last couple that was in here."
<"But…" Aiko spoke, "why was I back at the Zipangu? Why was I elsewhere?!"
>Wait, did she speak? I didn't hear her voice? What was this bitch doing to us?!
>"Language, dear Adam." Latch responded.
>Fff-Shoot.
>"Ignoring that, I took the liberty to look through each of your memories for potential counseling and trouble shooting."
<"I didn't give you permission to look through my thoughts, flayer!" Aiko…thought, I guess.
>"I know, I know," Latch waved off, "You're going to make this place official which is going to cut into my paycheck and that if I scramble anything those soldier will scramble me. Right now I'm concerned with YOUR problems."
>Latch took a sip of her tea before looking at both of us. "I know you've problems with communication and can't really say what you want to say. You," she pointed at me, "have a MASSIVE problem with Aiko's accent and want it fixed, on the down low."
>"Oh…oops~." She teased.
>I could feel the glare from Aiko from whatever mental space we were inhabiting.
>"Ha! You actually glared physically at that! She's a steadfast one Adam, you're lucky to have her! And I know exactly what you're going to say," she copied the girl from earlier's exaggeration, "'Ah but no! I don't want to live with her! I don't love her, it was a one night stand!' Also, I resent that comparison."
>Goddamn it.
>"And before your emotions flare up, Aiko, I can tell you for a fact that's a surface misconception he has. Adam," Latch leaned towards me and placed one of her hands on my own, "Looking over this girl, and your thoughts on the past week, I can tell you for a fact, without spoiling anything you can find out on your own, this is something that will work out. Your frenzy with the pencils and all is a golden example of that. And need I remind you of your thought on this matter…"
>My vision faded to a familiar sight, my coffee table at home, with a sole piece of paper full of doodles and a word that was written on it.
>"Specifically, what you called it."
>Love.
>All at once, I was back inside the office as something removed itself from my ear.
>I was half-expecting a headache, but instead it felt like I got done watching an hours long ASMR video.
>"Just give it a chance." Latch said before taking another sip of tea.
>"Now, onto more relevant matters. Adam?" Her hand was back on my shoulder after an unnoticed absence.
>"What?" I replied back.
>Holy shit that was actually in English!
>"Very good. Now onto you Aiko."
<"Yes?" she replied back, in Zinpangese.
>"Excellent. Now say something in English."
>Aiko turned to me before looking away embarrassed.
>Shit, that's right.
>"Aiko, I'm sorry about the accent thing. It's just that…that accent was ear grating."
<"How do you think I felt listening to you talk Adam?"
>…holy shit. That was perfect English.

>Latch detached herself from us and coo'd, "I believe my work here is done~."
>Aiko was quick to lift us both up and to start shaking Latch's hand.
<"Please, excuse us Mrs. Latch, but me and Adam have the rest of the day to ourselves."
>"I bet you do~. Have a nice day now."
>Aiko practically dragged me out of the office and only stopped to dismiss the soldiers from earlier back to wherever.
>Oh hey, I understood what she said.
>The whole drive home, Aiko was a complete chatterbox. She babbled on and on about different subjects, like how she could read the street signs, she would be able to use the stove settings, and other meaningless things.
>Along with that, about other, more personal matters.
<"Adam, I'm sorry about the door, the floor, everything. Everything I tarnished! I'm sorry I-"
>It was somewhat grating.
>"Aiko," I interrupted, "I get it, you're sorry. You didn't mean it."
<"But I did! I took the seal off when I got to your house! I should've been more in-"
>For fuck's sake.
>I placed one hand on her shoulder to interrupt her. "Aiko, that wild thrashing was possibly the best sex I've had in my entire life."
>Silence.
<"W-was it?"
>In hindsight, it was way more awkward than reassuring. Shit. At least it worked to get her to quiet down.
>Finally, we pulled up to my driveway and despite being home, we were both still jittery at the problem we had surmounted.
>"Christ," I restarted, trying to fix the situation, "What an experience that was."
>For as...nice(?) as it was, I would still rather not get involved with a mindflayer in that way ever again.
>The couch offered sweet respite for our minds and bodies, the perfect refuse to act like a potato.
>We both sat down with a loud sigh, and Aiko was quick to saddle herself just next to me.
>Again, impressive considering that her back side was spilling over the back.
>We sat there in the still remaining awkward silence, our own bodies practically shutting down from whatever adrenaline we had earlier.
>I felt her head slowly slide over to my shoulder as she wrapped an arm aro-
>"OW!"
<"Oh, shit! Sorry! Sorry!" She quickly picked herself up and off me when she realized one of her horns jabbed me in the neck.
>"Do you HAVE to keep that thing sharpened like a needle point?!"
<"I have to! It's regulation!"
>I dismissed the excuse with a wave and a scoff.
>Because of course she was careful with the furniture and not me now.
>We both leaned back into the couch and lounged for a spell, and all I had to distract myself was looking around at our various pictographs and Aiko's...
>"Aiko," I asked, breaking the newly reformed ice, "what ARE those different pieces of material that you put around the house?"
<"Trophies." She grunted.
>"War trophies?"
<"Mmhm."
>...
>"Would you mind telling me about some of them?"
>I could just barely see a look of satisfaction on Aiko's face.
>She wrapped an arm around me and pulled me closer to her.
<"Well," she started, pointing to a medieval, cylindrical helmet, "that one was from a high ranking commander of a religious faction that was called 'The Order.' It was during the siege of a castle called Turesia's Vigil that he challenged me. I defeated him and the siege from there..."
>She continued on, pointing at each piece of treasure that she had looted, stolen, or taken after battle.
>Honestly, I couldn't care much (as well as keep track) of what she was saying. All I cared about was the fact that I could finally understand WHAT she was saying.
>And realizing the fact that she actually WAS a homewrecker for a career.
>Fuck.
>Although, looking at the doorway and floor, now practically fixed, I guess it didn't translate to at-home life.
>So long as that seal stays on.