Normal conversation,
Severing mike wasowskis’ legs would be the same as decapitating him,
Me,
Friends,

My teacher, if you didn’t understand, why didn’t you come ask for help,
Me,
Scary,
It’s too scary, far far to scary by far, i was scared,

Going to school after pulling an all nighter,
This could work both ways,

You remind me of mac and cheese,
How so,
I love mac and cheese,
Smooth motherfricker,
This got a lot of notes overnight wow i’m glad y’all think my boyfriend is such a cutie,

What’s the strangest thing you’ve done to prepare for a role,
Uh, wax my as,
Vogue’s 73 questions with daniel radcliffe,

You are literally one of the most beautiful women i have ever laid my eyes on,
Send me nudes,
What the frick,
Stop sending me that picture,
That’s how it’s done,

How to handle being single on club penguin,
You and your club penguin girlfriend/boyfriend had a fight, s/he dumped you, now what, this article will teach you how to get by,
Just what i needed,

Why is no one freaking out over mater from cars, the guy lives in a junkyard full of car parts, which wouldn’t be that bad if he didn’t exist in a universe of talking cars,
He sleeps surrounded by discarded organs and hollowed out corpses,
The cars universe is so fricked up if you give it more than 20 seconds of thought,

One time we got a new kid in fifth grade and he walks right in and sticks his hand under the stapler and staples his hand and just looks at the teacher and goes, i’m going to the nurse and leaves,

C i a,
We can neither confirm nor deny that ted cruz is the zodiac killer,
That’s enough proof for me,

That hotel california comic makes me lose my crap every single time and i’m so thankful for it honestly,
Welcome to the hotel california,
Such a lovely place,
Such a lovely face,
There we go,

This is an award winning studio,

Help i’m lost at ikea,
Update, i’m trying to find an employee,
Update, employee is just as lost as i am,
Did you find your way out,
No the employee and i have been camping out in the bed section living off of discarded meatballs and tears of lost children,

It’s a fine line between pleasure and pain,
The irony here is that you’d be able to lay flat on the bed of nails without injury because of the distribution of weight but you’d just sink into the roses and get thorns all up in you,

When did they give the fruit loops mascot realistic hands,
His name is toucan sam,
Sorry,
Yeah, i bet,

First appearance, pilot,
Last appearance, finale,
My wish for all my favorite characters,
A needed addition,
Status, alive,

A sunbeam greatly enhanced my u f o poster,
I want to believe,
If you rearrange the letters in the light it spells alien,
If you add in the partial letters touched by the light it’s e t alien,
Scully, you’re not gonna believe this,

Assorted cheese,
heck, yes,
The sky is dark, the wind is cold, the night is young before it’s old and gray, we will know the thrill of it all, bryan freely,
Assorted cheese heck, yes,
Are we not going to talk about the poem below that,
We’re not but english teachers sure will,

I’m literally playing pokemon and drinking an espresso martini in a bar right now what is my life,
Ideal, that’s what your life is,

Press y to honk is now the new press f to pay respects,
Press y to honk,
Nah it’s the direct opposite,
Press y to pay disrespects,

Good non gendered words to say instead of dude to someone who doesn’t want to be called a dude,
Buddy, bud, pal, neighbor, australian voice, mate, cowboy voice, partner,
Don’t forget,
Strong russian accent like siberian winter, comrade,
Harsh demonic voice, mortal,

Arriving monday,
He’s arriving, monday,
Just wanted to update everyone, he arrived, safely, on monday, has been settling in and adjusting since then and is doing well, his name is marigold,

I’m starting to see why people get confused by me,
How did you do that,

Illuminati harambe a s m r drinking game,
Where the frick am i,

My internship boss was talking about how he had to work in a mail room to make ends meet during college where he only made 6 dollars per hour and,
6 dollars in january 1980,
Has the same buying power as,
$18.73 in january 2017,
This is why my generation is angry about the minimum wage,

Grandpa brings dog to furniture store to make sure she likes chair too,
Everyone liked that,

You know where you are, what’s the date,
Earth,
Several billion years from the beginning,
C’mon buddy,
Angelic sass,

Bout to eat these friends flies with a side of cat syrup mmm bone altitude, call me chef boiled tee,
These memes have reached a state of esotericism that will render them indecipherable to anyone in a few years,

Political alignment chart,

What a great nap, i feel totally disoriented and i’m frothing with hate,

When you walk behind your group cause you walm too fast but you end up kicking their heels,
Walm,
Walm,
Walm,
Walm,
Get his as,

My mom texted me this morning to let me know she and my dad have recently been adopted by this parliament of overprotective owls,
The council has gathered,
They watch,

Forbidden cats,
Only if you fear god,

Orchestra finds a child who exclaimed wow at a concert,
That child is now dead,

It’s funny how there are just like, human sized seagulls right now, alive and on earth, and no one seems to realize and/or care,
Coexist with this,

Underrated and underutilized spongebob meme,
Me and my friend getting kicked out of walgreens for being too rowdy,

A star,
This post has a good energy,

This is, not any less creepy in daylight,
Me when i wake up late,
Groot’s cousin that they don’t like to invite to family reunions,

When you won the Oscar for best actor but you remember that you have to come back to the museum before dawn,
This is it,
This is the best tweet i’ve seen,
So, you could say he’s got, until dawn,
Okay first of all,

Top right is the scariest thing i’ve ever seen in my life,
If i saw that thing running towards me i’d astrally project on instinct just to get away,

Mood is basically the equivalent of amen,
And now i am picturing an entire congregation solemnly intoning big mood,
May the lord be with you,
Beach you too the frick,

Inside the airheads candy factory,
I thought those were kermit the frog’s legs,
Kermit being tortured by the viet cong, 1967 colorized,

Switzerland in both world wars,
I’ve mastered the ability of standing so incredibly still, that i become invisible to the eye, watch,

Hey everyone, let’s talk about how syphilis didn’t appear in europe til after christopher columbus came back from america but didn’t exist in people from the americas either until then,
Let’s talk about how the only animals syphilis was found in before then were llamas,
No i’m not kidding we need to talk about this,
Are you implying what i think you are,

Who you gonna call,
Goats butter,
I ain’t afraid of no goats,
I am suspicious of the pineapple though,
Innocent pineapple,

Had a dream that a frickin flintstones city builder app had an option for your character to be gay and everyone called it woke and immediately forgot about it,
How do you yabba dabba do,
This application updated so we can all have a gay old time, whaddya say,
Be gay with barney,
Be lesbian with wilma,
No thank you,
Artist rendition,

Satan persistently tried to convince me to join his football team,
Me, would you sell your soul to me if i joined,
Well, well, well, how the turn tables,

Eventually they’ll need to reinvent superman’s alter-ego because nobody reads newspapers anymore,
Clark kent the buzzfeed editor,
10 people who are definitely not superman,
Buzzfeed, sweats nervously,

Nothing feels better than winning monopoly, not love, not sex, not free pizza, nothing,
I’m sorry, have you tried pizza,
Yes and it doesn’t compare to owning half the board and watching the light die from your friends eyes as you take their money and feel your friendship slowly deteriorate,

So that’s why i turned out like this,
It all makes sense now,

Discourse topic of the night, mini m and m’s are objectively better than normal m and m’s,
They have less skin,
90% of the people saying in the notes are just saying the same thing over and over about the candy to chocolate ratio, but i’d really like to give a shoutout to this person, for wording it in the most cursed way they could imagine,

Programmers,
Musicians,
Vitamins,
Hepatitis,
My grades,
C,

Do non americans know that sometimes you’ll just see lifelike human testicles hanging off the back of people’s trucks,
Non american here, i wish i didn’t learn english,

He is our pope,
All hail,

Hot things to say during sex,
Inventory is full,
I’m out of range,
I can’t carry any more,
That spell isn’t ready yet,
I need to target something first,
It’s too far away,

Why the heck does squidward’s skeleton have toes,
What about the suit engraved in spongebob’s skeleton,

I am the lorax and i speak for the trees,
The trees say time to get spooky,

Mortal kombat,

Don’t have a bookmark, try using ketchup instead,