Post SGDQ Rejection/Motivation

Post SGDQ Rejection

As you all should know by now, all my submissions got rejected and I still haven't gotten an answer back from the committee on a reason why. The latter doesn't bother me, honestly. Right now, I'm pretty sure I'm not submitting to AGDQ, but I may feel differently when winter rolls along. No promises.

I felt really dejected when it happened, because I got so anxious about it and the notion of doing something big. Then the opposite happened and it kept me up all that night, and I wanted to stop streaming altogether, because I felt like a failure, even after almost 2 years of doing this. Today, if someone asked me if I really feel like I should stop streaming, I wouldn't lie and say no. Hopefully that improves, which is why I'm writing this.

Motivation is complicated. Most people can motivate themselves to accomplish a goal. Others have friends on their side pushing them along the way. Many don't need any at all. I have a little of all three. I'm going to use Pac-Man Arrangement as an example of this. I wanted to learn Arrangement 'cause I had the cart years and years ago, tried playing it, and gave up, because it's difficult for someone who's 14. I played Pac-Attack more than anything. When I saw TheRuseman's WR run, I got hooked, because it looks like a fun run. Then, Joester98 started doing runs that day. He was learning the Blue Pill setups to save an immense of time. So, I asked for help and started learning. I was pretty bad. My first run was 16 minutes or something. I could've given up, but I wasn't getting frustrated. Just annoyed at my controller. Got an SP, and that's where I found I could actually get a good time. I'm not a mind reader, nor did I ever ask Joe this, but he started grinding runs more than me whenever I got close to Ruse's run, not his. Then, all of a sudden, he pulls out the first 9 minute run ever. Then keeps going. I'm going to assume that he figured out somewhere, that if he doesn't defend his time, it's gonna get beat by me, though I never gotten close. I like that mindset a lot. Realizing someone could be better and take you over, so you get better yourself. That's being competitive. Not trading world records. Not racing constantly. Improving with others and never giving up. I'm very competitive when it comes to my hobbies. Card games are the best example of this. Wanted to win all the time and having fun doing so. If Joe wasn't doing runs, I would've probably stopped after I got my 9:57. Now I have the record with a 9:47, and I feel like it's the run I'm most proud of.

The flip side of this point is Gran Turismo. You all know by now, that I run GT as much anymore. I'm not someone who does speedruns just to play. I always want a good time. Doesn't matter the game, which is why I put 400+ hours into Forbidden Memories, which I regret. I'm the only one who does runs, really. Dragoon has said, he doesn't care about getting a good time, and so did Book and Adeyblue. So, there is no competition, even though GT is my favorite speedgame series. I've done runs since even before I got my computer back in late 2014. It's hard to keep giving myself a good reason to keep running them. Having to only play against myself and my times, which are pretty good. Which is one of the reasons I feel like a failure, because being the flag bearer of GT speedrunning, no matter how much I play, no one wants to learn and do runs. Which sucks, but I'm not gonna make or even ask people if they want to learn. That's being desperate, and if people want to do something, they'll do it themselves. This isn't me reaching out to get people to run GT, it's just the point I'm trying to make. With that being said, that explains the lack of runs lately and lack of direction.

There are plenty of games I want to learn and run, but I just can't get in the mindset to do so. I'm sure I'll get there, but not yet. I'll put the list at the end of this pastebin. It's difficult to learn something new. Any speedrunner will say that. The games I want to learn, for the most part, are games I've never played in my life that seem fun. It's pretty daunting and intimidating. Arrangement was until I started to get the hang of it, and I'm sure that'll happen again.

I should probably say something about upcoming runs or not upcoming runs.
	GT4 Any%. I can't see myself willingly doing it. 9+ hours is way too long to be using a steering wheel for, and there is no other way I would do it. Maybe I would need some convincing. *wink wonk*
	Ridge Racer 4 100%. I want to do this. Yes, I'd rather grind a 60+ hour category than one 9+ hour run once. I did say that I wouldn't do R4 after I didn't the WR back by 0.8 seconds, but I've never 100% R4 before, and it's something to keep my mind on streaming until I can think of other runs to do. When I write the FAQ, it's going to be a good idea to read it.
	Ore no Ryouri Any% Hard. I know almost no one watches me do runs of me being a chef, but this is a run that's legit hard as fuck. In Ore no Ryouri, one of the customers is a food critic. (Old man) To make him happy I need to get a 9 or a 10 on the dish he wants. In Hard Mode, all the customers are food critics. You can tell how the run looks.

That's all I have in mind. Not sure if there is anything else I should go over. If you, the reader, wants to know anything else, let me know.

Games I want to learn:

Mega Man Zero (any of the 4)
LEGO Star Wars GBA
Pokemon Fire Red Any%/Round 2
Crash Bandicoot 3
Klonoa: Door to Phantomile
Klonoa: Empire of Dreams