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  327. No longer waiting ; Many of Minnesota's difficult-to-adopt children will give special thanks this week for something they long dreamed of: a stable home and loving parents.: [METRO Edition]
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  329. Francis, Delma J; Staff Writer. Star Tribune; Minneapolis, Minn. [Minneapolis, Minn]23 Nov 2004: 1E.
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  382. CORRECTION PUBLISHED 11/24/04: This article incorrectly stated the cause of death for a child the Browers were in the process of adopting. He died of encephalitis. Also, while the Browers say they would like to adopt the biological sister of Anthony and Michael, whom they are adopting, she is in the custody of her biological father. In addition, a caption on the top photo on page 01E should have identified the person on the left as Shelli Pittman, a Brower family friend.
  383.  
  384. When [Fred, Laurie, Cody] and [Joey, Josh] moved in, Cody told the Peaslees that he and Joey didn't want them to have biological children, fearing they'd love those children more. Now he pampers his mom.
  385.  
  386. The Browers had three biological daughters and Sandy, 43, was working full-time doing accounting at a heating and air conditioning company. But then the kids started coming, working their way into the family's hearts. The Browers are fostering Jasmine, 15, who has cerebral palsy, and Brandon, 12, who is autistic. They have adopted Jonathan, 7, who suffered from severe attachment disorder, and Sabrina, 4, who is being treated with growth hormone. They were in the process of adopting Ryan, 5, when he died in September from complications of a tonsillectomy and adenoidectomy. They are currently in the process of adopting Anthony, 3, and his 23-month- old brother, Michael, who was burned in a house fire when he was 3 months old.
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  444. CORRECTION PUBLISHED 11/24/04: This article incorrectly stated the cause of death for a child the Browers were in the process of adopting. He died of encephalitis. Also, while the Browers say they would like to adopt the biological sister of Anthony and Michael, whom they are adopting, she is in the custody of her biological father. In addition, a caption on the top photo on page 01E should have identified the person on the left as Shelli Pittman, a Brower family friend.
  445.  
  446. Their faces are haunting, staring out from newspapers and TV screens. They are Minnesota's "Waiting Children," waiting for stable, loving adoptive homes. They are among the most difficult children to place because of age or physical, mental or behavioral challenges.
  447.  
  448. The people who take them in are as diverse as the children themselves. They are black and white, young and not-so-young, homeowners and renters, straight and gay. But they share a dream: to give these children someone to call Mom or Dad.
  449.  
  450. Michele Willert and Vicki Hines always wanted to be moms, but neither particularly wanted to be pregnant.
  451.  
  452. Fred and Laurie Peaslee were unable to conceive, but desperately wanted children.
  453.  
  454. Sandy and Bob Brower had three daughters when they decided to become foster parents. Fostering led to adoption.
  455.  
  456. Still, "we have far too many kids in long-term foster care," said Peg Studaker, a social worker with the Minnesota Adoption Resource Network (MARN). "They stay in [the system] until they age out at 18, and then they have no one."
  457.  
  458. On any given day, 600 to 700 children are in foster care in Minnesota, Studaker said, but the number is dropping. In 1997, there were 1,200 Minnesota kids in foster care, she said.
  459.  
  460. Children in foster care are, for the most part, "special needs," meaning they are racial minorities, are older - 6 and up - or sibling groups that need to stay together. Some have physical or mental disabilities, or behavioral issues.
  461.  
  462. The incentive for people who want to be parents, and don't place too many restrictions on that desire, is that adoption can be just a year or less away.
  463.  
  464. .
  465.  
  466. The Peaslees
  467.  
  468. One recent evening, Fred, Laurie, Cody, Joey, Josh, Samantha and Cadi Peaslee sat around the dining room table in their brown Victorian home in Lewiston, Minn., about 120 miles southeast of the Twin Cities. Family therapist Erik Sievers led a discussion about how to become a family.
  469.  
  470. Strangers don't just bond instantly, even when all have the best intentions, experts say.
  471.  
  472. Joey, 11, and his biological brother Cody, 14, have been with the Peaslees since 2001. Biological siblings Josh, Samantha and Cadi moved in this past July.
  473.  
  474. "And we just found out last week that we're having a baby!" said Laurie, now a stay-at-home mom.
  475.  
  476. How do the kids feel about that?
  477.  
  478. "Excited!" they all replied. Because this will be a little person who belongs to all of them and who will cement their bonds as a family.
  479.  
  480. Fred, 37, and Laurie, 33, have been married for 12 years. Doctors told Fred it was unlikely that he'd ever father a child.
  481.  
  482. "It came to me that God meant for me to be a father to the fatherless," said Fred, who manages a fast-food restaurant. "This [pregnancy] is God's reward to us," said Laurie. "We did what he told us to do."
  483.  
  484. When Cody and Joey moved in, Cody told the Peaslees that he and Joey didn't want them to have biological children, fearing they'd love those children more. Now he pampers his mom.
  485.  
  486. "If she has a headache," Fred said, "he'll tell her, 'Go lie down. You know you can't take Tylenol.' " Cody admits to being a mama's boy, and that's just fine with Laurie.
  487.  
  488. Joey's take on the matter: "It's OK. We know we're special 'cause you chose us."
  489.  
  490. The brothers were in and out of foster care for seven years until their alcoholic mother's parental rights were terminated.
  491.  
  492. Similarly, the three siblings who recently joined the clan spent five years in and out of foster care in Cincinnati until their biological parents' rights were terminated because of abuse.
  493.  
  494. "A lot of these kids have such baggage that some people don't want to deal with it," Fred said, referring to foster children, "but they have psychological problems because they've been bounced around."
  495.  
  496. "And that's not the kids' fault," Laurie said.
  497.  
  498. There are never any guarantees, even with biological children, Fred said. "You take a chance, and you get what you get. But to tell you the truth, we have an advantage because we have papers from therapists outlining what to expect with our kids. Overall, they're good kids. They take redirection well," said Fred.
  499.  
  500. The best part about being adopted? "Having a mom and dad who are kind and love each other," said Josh.
  501.  
  502. .
  503.  
  504. The Willerts
  505.  
  506. Michele Willert is the white single mom of 9-year-old Beatrice, a bright, soft-spoken black girl. But color and culture are not at issue here.
  507.  
  508. "I grew up in a family where race really didn't matter," said Willert, 44. "It's not like we didn't notice; it just didn't matter." After months of reading the "Waiting Child" feature in the Sunday newspaper, Willert, a psychologist in Brooklyn Center, received a call that would change her life. Beatrice, 4 1/2, was available, but she was emotionally fragile, coming from a failed yearlong adoption in Chicago. She had been placed with a woman whom the state later deemed unfit.
  509.  
  510. "It was right before Christmas and I had a week to prepare. I spent a lot of time crying in the beginning - it was so overwhelming," Willert said. And Bea spent a lot of time in a rocking chair in the living room, chewing on its wood back.
  511.  
  512. Mom and daughter have adjusted and are now looking for another little girl to round out their family.
  513.  
  514. .
  515.  
  516. The Browers
  517.  
  518. Sandy and Bob Brower have been foster parents for 10 years, at the urging of friend and foster mom Shelli Pittman, a staff member of the North American Council on Adoptable Children (NACAC). But they never gave any thought to adopting their medically fragile foster children.
  519.  
  520. The Browers had three biological daughters and Sandy, 43, was working full-time doing accounting at a heating and air conditioning company. But then the kids started coming, working their way into the family's hearts. The Browers are fostering Jasmine, 15, who has cerebral palsy, and Brandon, 12, who is autistic. They have adopted Jonathan, 7, who suffered from severe attachment disorder, and Sabrina, 4, who is being treated with growth hormone. They were in the process of adopting Ryan, 5, when he died in September from complications of a tonsillectomy and adenoidectomy. They are currently in the process of adopting Anthony, 3, and his 23-month- old brother, Michael, who was burned in a house fire when he was 3 months old.
  521.  
  522. "We run on a schedule, and everybody knows their routine, from Michael on up," said Sandy.
  523.  
  524. "The tough part is when the routine changes," said Bob, 50, who worked for UPS before a workers' comp injury to his knee two years ago. "When they're out of school, it takes about two weeks to adjust."
  525.  
  526. The Browers' biological daughters, Rachel Prudhomme, 24, Angela Prudhomme, 21, and Becky Brower, 15, are a big help, they say. Even though the two oldest no longer live at home, they're there all the time. "Some days, they'll come and get the kids and take them for the day," said Sandy.
  527.  
  528. The Browers are now trying to provide a home for Anthony and Michael's baby sister, who was born recently to their incarcerated birth mother.
  529.  
  530. .
  531.  
  532. The Hineses
  533.  
  534. "For me, it was never about having babies," said Vicki Hines, 41, of north Minneapolis. Instead, it was about being a mom without the diapers, bottles and crying in the middle of the night.
  535.  
  536. Her husband, Wayne, agreed that older kids were the ones who really needed them. They had a lot to learn.
  537.  
  538. "I didn't know they came in packages," said Vicki, a travel agent. Willeona, 16, and Ramone, 15, are siblings, as are Mizell, 13, and Carmella, 12.
  539.  
  540. The two older teens were adopted in April 2000. In March 2001, the younger kids joined the clan.
  541.  
  542. The Hines kids are all active in school and extracurricular activities. Willeona sings alto in the Cooper High School choir, runs track and is on the dance line. Ramone is on two swim teams, including Edison High School's. His best event: 100-meter breast stroke. Mizelle is a forward on the Sandburg Middle School basketball team and a running back on the football team. Carmella sings in the Sandburg Middle School choir, runs track, plays basketball and works on the yearbook staff.
  543.  
  544. "It can sometimes get real stressful, and you get busy, but [parenting] adds an aspect to your life that's untouched by anything else," Vicki said.
  545.  
  546. Jamaican-born Wayne, 30, who works for a printing company, feels no awkwardness having teenage children. "I don't think about it," he said. "They're my kids."
  547.  
  548. .
  549.  
  550. Delma J. Francis is at [email protected].
  551.  
  552. .
  553.  
  554. THE ADOPTION PROCESS
  555.  
  556. 1. Contact your county family services department to ask about its adoption program. You will receive information on pre-adoption orientation and training sessions.
  557.  
  558. 2. After completing orientation and training, submit an application for adoption. You may choose to work with a county social service agency or a private agency in identifying a child or children for adoption.
  559.  
  560. 3. You will be assigned a social worker who will guide you through the paperwork to help match you and a "Waiting Child" or children. After you fill out a questionnaire and provide reference letters and a doctor's report, marriage certificates and divorce certificates, if applicable, criminal background checks will be conducted on you and anyone in your family 13 and older. Having been convicted of a crime does not necessarily disqualify you from adopting. For more information, refer to http:// www.revisor.leg.state.mn.us (section 259.67).
  561.  
  562. 4. While the social worker is preparing the home study, you may begin to identify children who interest you by subscribing to "Minnesota's Waiting Children" magazine, reading the "Waiting Child" column in the Sunday Star Tribune or watching the "Thursday's Child" segment each week on KSTP-TV, Ch. 5.
  563.  
  564. 5. When the home study is complete, your social worker will share it with the social workers of children in whom you are interested, and you will be registered on the Minnesota State Adoption Exchange.
  565.  
  566. 6. Once you have been selected as a good fit for a child, you will receive detailed information about his or her past. Visits will begin with the child.
  567.  
  568. 7. The child will be placed in your home, and the child's social worker will work closely with you, to ensure that the paperwork for adoption assistance payments are in place before the adoption becomes final.
  569.  
  570. 8. On average, adoptions are finalized nine to 12 months after placement. Finalization takes place in a courtroom before a judge. At that time a new birth certificate is issued , identifying you as the child's legal parent(s).
  571.  
  572. .
  573.  
  574. Information from http://www.mnadopt.org
  575.  
  576. .
  577.  
  578. Six common myths about adopting
  579.  
  580. .
  581.  
  582. 1) You must be financially well off.
  583.  
  584. Adoptive parents of foster children come from a wide range of socioeconomic levels. There are no costs to adopt "Waiting Children." On the contrary, the adoptions are subsidized, handling day-care costs and paying a monthly stipend, based on the child's needs for special care.
  585.  
  586. 2) You have to be young.
  587.  
  588. Adoptive parents run
  589.  
  590. the gamut in age. More important is the prospective parent's health. A doctor's statement of physical well-
  591.  
  592. being is required.
  593.  
  594. 3) You must be married.
  595.  
  596. No. More and more single men and women are adopting children. Also, gay partners who demonstrate a stable relationship are adopting children.
  597.  
  598. 4) You must be a homeowner.
  599.  
  600. A stable, loving home - rented or owned - is all that's required.
  601.  
  602. 5) No transracial or transcultural adoptions are allowed.
  603.  
  604. Once this was the case, but no more. The emphasis is now placed on finding loving parents. Adoptive parents in these adoptions are, however, encouraged to embrace the child's ethnicity and culture in equal measures with their own.
  605.  
  606. 6) "Special needs" kids have physical or mental limitations.
  607.  
  608. Sometimes, but not always. "Special needs" can be as simple as an older child or one who is part of a sibling group that needs to be adopted together.
  609.  
  610. .
  611.  
  612. They were adopted
  613.  
  614. Faith Hill: Country singer adopted at 6 weeks.
  615.  
  616. Bill Clinton: Former president adopted by stepfather; biological father died before Clinton was born.
  617.  
  618. Daunte Culpepper: Vikings quarterback one of 13 children adopted by Emma Culpepper.
  619.  
  620. Jesse Jackson: Civil rights activist adopted by Charles Jackson when Jesse was 16.
  621.  
  622. Gerald Ford: Former president took the name of his adopted father when he was 13.
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  650. (Copyright 2004 Star Tribune)
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  770. Behavioral and personality characteristics of children with reactive attachment disorder
  771. Hall, Sara Elizabeth Kay; Geher, Glenn. The Journal of Psychology; Provincetown Vol. 137, Iss. 2, (Mar 2003): 145-62.
  772.  
  773.  
  774. Volunteers needed for Women's Health Initiative // Research project to monitor the health of women as they age: [METRO Edition]
  775. Brody, Jane E. Star Tribune; Minneapolis, Minn. [Minneapolis, Minn]12 May 1996: 05.E.
  776.  
  777.  
  778. Attachment Theory and Reactive Attachment Disorder: Theoretical Perspectives and Treatment Implications
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  787. SUSAN CARPENTER McMILLAN. Los Angeles Times (pre-1997 Fulltext); Los Angeles, Calif. [Los Angeles, Calif]02 Apr 1995: 5.
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