if you're feeling pushed out of the trans community then i think it would be productive for us to, later on, talk about specific things that are making you feel pushed out of the community, and analyze those feelings. i acknowledge your hurt. but i also want us to recognize that, beyond the sort of simple model i just laid out, there are complexities that we get at by applying intersectionality theory -- because nobody exists in the vacuum of just one class, but as a bunch of classes at one time. the intersection of multiple oppressed classes often creates compounding forms of oppression -- a black woman has to deal with the forces of misogyny and of antiblackness, and we identify this as misogynoir. likewise, a trans woman experiences an intersection of misogyny and transphobia that we call transmisogyny, and a black trans woman experiences all three as transmisogynoir

(there is a push from some people to talk about forces like "transandrophobia" for instance, but this is a misapplication of intersectionality theory since androphoboa/misandry/"the oppression of men" isn't a hegemonic oppressive force in the world, so there's not a force that combines with transphobia to inform that -- not any more than there is antiwhite racism that combines with misogyny to create the oppression of white women or "misogyblanc")

policing the language and behavior of the oppressed classes when they inconvenience or discomfort an oppressor class is a key way these power structures are reinforced. we also need to be cognizant of how we do this to other members of the same class who are multiply oppressed and experience intersectional structures of oppression. a white woman and a black woman are both subject to misogyny -- but a black woman who talks shit about the behavior of white women isn't engaging in misogyny, and as a white woman i need to be aware of how i react when i might be exposed to this, because tone policing a black woman for that is engaging in misogynoir. even if i feel personally aggrieved or like i'm being pushed out of community with my fellow women in some way

you may be in some ways subject to misogyny by people who are transphobic and don't respect your identity -- but it's important to recognize that in the context of this household and in the trans community at large, trans men are largely recognized as men. just by virtue of identifying yourself as a man, using typically male pronouns and a typically male name, trans men are often afforded more authority and leeway compared to trans women. i'm skeptical of the idea that trans men are a minority in trans spaces. studies show that in, e.g., classroom discussions, people perceive women as dominating discussion or talking more than men even when they are in actuality speaking for about 30% of the discussion. because it's normalized to hear and lend authority to men's thoughts, feelings, and opinions, women's words *appear* to be more prominent to a casual observer because they haven't noted all the time taken by men. a similar thing often happens in community spaces where one is seen as "majority women" even when that's statistically not true.

there are other factors that complicate anecdotal data, too -- if you are looking at e.g. online spaces primarily and determining they're majority trans women, it might make sense to ask why trans women might be more driven to find community on the internet instead of in irl spaces.

it's also the case that multiply oppressed groups often need to cling to each other more for safety, which often results in communities that might be perceived as insular.

social processes like gentrification happen because, e.g., once a notable portion of white people occupy a historically black space/neighborhood, the white members of community will police the behavior and existence of black members of community, other white people will be inclined to support these policing efforts... and ultimately this makes the community drastically more unsafe for the black part of the community, and pushes them out in favor of more white folks. (in the case of gentrification, other factors contribute and speed this along, like rental companies pushing out relatively low-income black renters to make room for higher-income white renters, prices going up broadly, etc)

similar processes play out in trans spaces -- where a space that's very heavily transfem may be safe for transfems. but once you have a significant (but not necessarily majority) population of non-transfem members, transfems are policed more -- a transfem says a comment somebody made against her was transmisogynistic, but other people chime in and say it was no big deal and she's overreacting, their voices are prioritized over transfem ones, and, ultimately, we often enforce this violence against each other -- other transfems are not immune to looking at a "bad" trans girl and deciding she doesn't need to be part of the community any more.

this is all to say that it's really complicated -- and our perceptions are deeply informed by our cultural context. fat people are seen as lazy, so when two people, one thin and one fat, engage in a "lazy" behavior, the fat person is more likely to receive judgment and negative treatment for it. when a black man says something against white folks, it stands out because of the way it cuts against societal norm -- while a hundred examples of overt and subtle antiblack racism pass in front of your face every day and most of them are dismissed, with even the overt examples being seen as "just another racist asshole", a symptom of society that gets normalized

so if you feel like there's rising anti-transmasc sentiment from transfems, i think it behooves you, especially as a transmasc who is in a position to feel personally wounded and to wield an identification with masculinity against the trans women in your community, to be extremely critical of that. how many subtle and overt instances of transmisogyny are perpetuated by people in trans communities, transmasc or not, that you don't even note? how many are you not yet capable of recognizing as transmisogyny, because they're things that you've internalized and don't even realize are transmisogynistic?

we have to be critical of anecdotal data not just because of how our perception is so subject to the context we exist in, but because the individual examples we are exposed to aren't representative of the class as a whole. the existence of e.g. a woman (or group of women, even) who decides to go out and attack every man she sees doesn't prove that men are oppressed for being men -- because we're not talking about individuals, we're talking about broad social classes. a frequent argument of a racist asshole is "well, does a poor white man have privilege over a rich black man?" -- but this is a misapplication of privilege and intersectionality. the theory doesn't apply to individuals, it applies to social classes made up of individuals.

i know that it can feel personally threatening and be incredibly challenging to grapple with those feelings. i'm sympathetic to that for sure. but as people who are in hegemonically advantaged positions, we need to be willing to sit with our emotions about these things and challenge them, think critically, and ultimately *actively work against* our societally-engrained inclinations to cast judgment on an oppressed party, especially when we stand to gain by defending our advantaged position by doing so.

(separately, with regards to trans men and nonpassing trans men in particular, i understand the argument that you're the subject of misogyny by virtue of not passing. but it's important when making comparisons like this that we make sure it's actually comparable. instead of comparing a nonpassing trans man who's out socially with a passing trans woman, consider a nonpassing trans woman who's out socially. forces like the societal valuing of masculinity, devaluing of femininity, and the punishment of people assigned male at birth who, by virtue of identifying themselves as transfem, refuse to model "proper" manhood means you will see the trans woman is treated worse 9 times out of 10.)