Meow

I have no friends and I'm really scared of the future.

I'm 18 and I don't know how to be a friend at all. I'm even scared of talking to my grandparents who live in the city I'm in.

I almost did before with O.D.

I have Asperger's Syndrome which is a high functioning form of autism and a mental/neurological/developmental disorder. It does many things (inducing things that get's them extra help at school) and it varies to person to person.

I want to say a few things:

* It doesn't go away after childhood like many people think.

* It's more serious than one might think. (ex. it can make adults not be able to tie their shoes)

* We are very bad socially, not just because we're shy, we can't pick up on many social cues and other people's emotions, even if we look straight at them.

* My brain likes to be repetitive.

* I like myself.

* I have a girl's body, but I may be a transsexual.

* There are some things so weird that I might have a 2nd disorder.

I can't think about what to say and I am always afraid that I will fuck up.

Another problem my disability is we like to eat the same things and it's hard for us to try new food. I like to eat things like bread, cereal without milk, crackers, and cheese. I love sweets, but I eat them that often. Because of this I'm thin, but I don't have much muscle because of my lack of meat. I also only drink water.

I grew up where my parents where almost like maids to me and my brother and they still are. They did things like bring snacks to us, make our beds, and cut our food.

It hurts me to do these things myself, one reason is my brain HATES changes.

At school (which I'm not in right now) things are worse and combine that with the fact that kids with Asperger's need help anyway and I'm a compete mess.

And now I'm going to talk about why I think I have a 2nd disorder:

**I only watch TV shows or play video games every now and again, because my brain says so, I'm on my laptop often though, I hear voices sometimes, and my hand automatically grabs my neck and squeezes it lightly. Mostly when I'm upset.**

I take pills and they do help, but not enough.

I want to do D.I.Y. projects, do photography, graphic design, play outside, bake, learn to draw better, play with kids, **BUT ASPERGER'S SAYS NOOOOOO!!!!!!**

Fuck My Life!

Can someone please help? Thank you and God bless!