Snakes are awesome

>Bring your fluffy pony to the park.
>Sit on bench as it runs around.
>Fluffy pony rolls in grass. "Fwuffy wuv gwassies! Feew nice!"
>Fluffy pony eats some flowers. "Fwuffy wuv nummies! Nummies smew pwetty, daddy!"
>Wave to fluffy. God you're bored.
>Fluffy pony wanders toward bush.
>Suddenly, garden snake lunges out of bush and bites Fluffy's face
>"AHHH!! Munstah! Hewp! Owies!!"
>Fluffy screams and limps toward you as snake refuses to let go.
>"Daddy, hewp! Munstah! Hewp! Fwuffy haf' owies! No feew good!"
>OH MY GOD......
>
>SNAKES ARE FUCKING AWESOME!
>How come you don't own a snake?!?!
>Get up and hurry to car.
>"Daddy, no weave fwuffy! Hewp! Munstah huwt! Daddy!"
>Start engine.
>"Daddy?"
>Fluffy cries as you back out of lot.
>Speed to pet store.
>Cute girl at counter.
"I want your biggest, most kickass snake."
>Girl brings you to back room to a massive tank.
>Inside's a huge fucking snake.
>"He's a six-foot-long boa constrictor."
"I'll take him!! And the tank. And some food for him."
>"He doesn't eat a lot. Three fluffy foals should keep him full for a month."
"Neat!"
>Girl leads you to pen.
>A dozen fluffy mares are nursing their foals, or grooming them fondly.
>A few foals are playing. "Tag! Wuv pway tag! Wuv fwend!"
>The mares all panic as the girl reaches in.
>Tears break out instantly.
>"NO! No take babehs!" "Mummah wuv babehs, no take!" "No, pwese!"
>Some mares try laying on top of their foals to hide them.
>Others scoop them into the far corner, as if that will help.
>Girl reaches in and just snatches a blue foal by its tail.
>It thrases its tiny legs helplessly.
>Its mother grabs her foal's front legs and sobs hysterically.
>"NO! PWESE! NO TAKE BABEH! BABEH TOO WIDDLE! NEED MUMMAH! PWESE!"
>You and pet store girl share a laugh. So cute.
>Hear a slight snapping sound as foal is finally pulled from mother's grip.
>"Owie!" the foal cries as girl lifts him up. "Weggies ouchie! Hewp! Mummah! Mummah!"
"I think she broke its legs. Holy crap."
>"It happens," girl shrugs. "Tastes the same to the snake."
>If every mare wasn't panicking before, they all burst into hysterics now.
>"NO WIKE SNAKE MUNSTAH!" "NO! NO FEED BABEHS TO SNAKEY MUNSTAH!" "BABEHS NO NUMMIES! PWESE WEAVE BABEHS AWONE!"
>Every single fluffy is now crying and whimpering in terror.
>Girl quickly snatches up two more foals from sobbing mares.
>Throws each foal into a zip-lock bag, and puts them in a shopper bag.
>Head home with your new snake.
>Set him up in the living room. The tank's as big as your couch.
>Looks happy enough. Feeding time!
>Pull out a zip-locked fluffy foal.
>The blue one. Its fluff is drenched in poop and urine, sloshed around in its hopeless attempt to escape.
>Gross.
>Put on a glove and open bag.
>Fluffy foal gasps for air, but is still sobbing.
>"No smeww pwetty! Mummah! Whew mummah! Wan' mummah! Weggies ouchies! Need huggies!"
>No longer cute at all.
>Drop the food into the tank and close the lid.
>Hear another feint snap. Now his back legs have broke from the fall.
>"Owies! Weggies owies! Hewp!"
>Foal looks around, unable to stand anymore.
>Doesn't see massive boa constictor coming up behind it.
"This is gonna be awesome!!"
>Foal manages to huff itself around and sees the snake.
>It sniffs. "New... new fwend?"
>In the blink of an eye, the foal's gone. Snake swallowed it whole like lightning.
>.... crap. You wanted to see it get constricted...
>Guess you'll need bigger fluffies for that.
>... You do have two foals left. Came damn cheap. They'll be fully grown in three weeks.
>Seeing them slowly suffocate and swallowed whole would be well worth the wait.
>TO BE CONTINUED!