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Subtitles by explosiveskull
akumenang.com

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I don't know
what the fuck is going on

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in this country, man!

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Every day I turn on the TV,

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and I see these fucking freaks
marching for their rights!

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What about our rights?

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This is our time
to show the world

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that we are not
just an online movement!

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We're growing physically!

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This is our time
to assert ourselves

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as the true voice of America!

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Yeah!

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Yes, let's do that!

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Now, you may have noticed

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that our friend Aryan Grande

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has brought in a new recruit.

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FucktheJews82.
Welcome, brother!

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Yeah!

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Hi. Heil. Heil, everybody.

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White power. Obviously.

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Been a big fan of you guys
for a while.

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Since World War II, really.

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That's when you made your
big entrance, on the scene.

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And, uh... Yeah.
Just, um, in closing...

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- Fuck the Jews!
- Yeah!

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Welcome!

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Let's fucking party!

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So you guys are, like, pretty
active on social media, right?

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Yeah.

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How many times a day would you
say you tweet on average?

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- Hey, FTJ!
- Yo!

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You said you wanted
a swastika tattoo.

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Now's your chance.

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Yeah, you know, I've been
thinking about it. I'm cool.

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Come on, man.
We all got 'em!

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You guys want me to get
a swastika tattoo?

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Yeah!

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I will get a swastika tattoo.

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Um...

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Yeah.

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Hey, take over, man.
I got to take a piss.

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Super cool, guys.
Thank you for this.

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This is really exciting.

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All right, here we go!

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Ooh, right! Yeah!

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That hurt?

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On many levels. Yes.

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Fuck!

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Hey! This you?

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You're a journalist?

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Yeah!

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We all got to be fucking
journalists in this day and age,

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mainstream media not covering
our side of the story!

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His name is Fred Flarsky.

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He writes for
the Brooklyn Advocate.

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- He's a fucking Jew!
- What?

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Look, look, look.
Okay, okay, okay. Hey!

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What are you doing here?

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You're here to fucking
embarrass us, huh?

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- Who sent you?
- No one sent me!

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It's okay. I'm... I'm...

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He's been recording us
the whole time!

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Fucking shit, man!
You infiltrated our group!

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You're gonna fucking die!

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How do you
turn this thing off?

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The fucking red button,
right there, man!

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Holy shit!

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Yeah!

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Not only did I escape...

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I held onto my phone!

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Yes! Ow!

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I trusted you, man!

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Yeah, well...

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Jews win this round,
motherfucker!

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Peace! Ow.

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Tonight on Wembley News,

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we take an in-depth look
at Charlotte Field,

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a Rhodes Scholar,
a Pulitzer winner,

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and protege
of President Chambers,

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who tapped Field two years ago

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to be the youngest
secretary of state

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in the history of this nation.

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And honestly,
looking hotter than usual.

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Now, people are gonna say
that's sexist,

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but, she's just hot!

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You know,
when we talk about women in this way,

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it is because
we respect them so much,

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and we start with their body.

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You two are terrible.

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- Good night, Steven.
- Good night, Madam Secretary.

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Sorry for the late call,
Mr. Foreign Minister.

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Long day.

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Three bilaterals.

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Listen, we're not going to be
able to do it.

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There's just not enough
traction around this thing.

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I believe in it, it's just...
I don't have Congress support.

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I don't have
the American people's support.

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I know you and I
don't like it, Chuck,

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but you know who likes it?

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88% of college-educated
Americans over 45.

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Likely voters.

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That's Gallup.
We have to make this happen.

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Well, I wouldn't call
the president inexperienced.

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I mean,
he did play a president

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on a very popular television
show for over a decade.

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You don't get
six Golden Globe nominations

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without being
pretty convincing.

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Um, I do think I'm funny.

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I'm sorry, I thought
this interview was about

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promoting democracy
in Eastern Europe.

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All right, next one's BBC.

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Would you be asking
a male cabinet member

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what products they use
in their hair?

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I'm just kidding.

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No, it's olive oil
and mayonnaise.

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I know. So cheap.
So much shine.

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Good morning, Mr. President.

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Good morning,
Mr. President.

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Good morning, Mr. President.

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Good morning, Mr. President.

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Oh, hey, Charlotte.

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You caught me
watching my show.

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Mr. President. We still
recommend Option C.

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I am not nuking a tsunami!

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Oh, here it is.

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Not now...

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Not today.

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Not in my house.

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Yes! I love that!

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Oh, me too.

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Anyway, that's not why
I called you here.

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Charlotte.

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Yes, sir?

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I will not be
seeking reelection.

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Really?

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Look, I know it's crazy,

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because I'm only halfway
through my first term.

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And you're incredibly
popular, sir.

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And I want to use
that popularity

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to transition into something

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more prestigious
than the presidency.

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I wanna make it in the movies.

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You're going to leave

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the Presidency
to go be in movies?

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- I know. It's gonna be tough.
- Ah...

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Only like, 10 guys
have made that jump

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from TV to film.

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Woody Harrelson,
George Clooney...

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Might be... Might be just two.

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I... Mr. President, have you

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given any consideration
as to whom you might endorse?

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I'm sure you're probably
thinking of McNichol

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or Crowly. Strong choices.

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So strange, because I was
considering a run in 2024.

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And I've been vetted.

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So that's all done.

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And I can't stop thinking
about what...

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What it would do
for your legacy

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to endorse the first
female president.

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I mean... Wow.

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That's a legacy.

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- Charlotte?
- Hmm?

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I would like to endorse you

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to be the next president
of the United States.

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I mean, if you think that's
a good idea, sir, I trust you.

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I'd... I'd be honored.

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I'm gonna be pulling
for Team Charlotte. Right?

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Because you've been
a great secretary.

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...of state.

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Whatever. It's a cool job.

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And, um, you've done it well.

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- Thank you, sir.
- So stay focused.

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Don't make
any major screw-ups.

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Don't kill any hookers.

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Probably not a problem for you.

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I don't know what you're into.
Whatever.

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And before you know it...

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I like the sound of that.

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♪ Hey, here she comes

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♪ It's the first lady president

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♪ Who can believe
that she's actually a woman

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Thank you, sir.

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♪ She's got a big brain
And a couple other assets ♪

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Oh, and here we see

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Secretary of State
Charlotte Field.

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Good morning.

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Yes!

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So the headline is,
"You're in great shape."

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- Ninety-two, that's good.
- Really good.

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- Yeah.
- And now, keep in mind

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that these are numbers
for a female candidate.

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If you were a man, you'd be
in the 192nd percentile.

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- Well, that seems about right.
- Yeah.

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'Cause the man... Okay.

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Um, your sense of humor is 82,

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which is solid. It's solid.

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00:10:10,446 --> 00:10:12,546
But, you know, we wouldn't
mind seeing those numbers

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go up a few points, or more.

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So, I'm going to get
some writing samples from

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- some funny speech writers.
- Great.

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I am really interested
in knowing how people feel

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- about my accomplishments.
- Yeah.

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Right. You know, so we don't

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00:10:25,561 --> 00:10:29,564
drill down
on specific policies.

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00:10:29,566 --> 00:10:32,667
And that's only because
people don't seem to care.

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00:10:32,669 --> 00:10:34,068
That's interesting.

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00:10:34,070 --> 00:10:37,438
With that said, if you could
broker some deal

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00:10:37,440 --> 00:10:38,972
that gets you
out there talking

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00:10:38,974 --> 00:10:40,341
about a thing that you feel

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really strongly about,
that would be great.

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00:10:42,478 --> 00:10:43,410
Well, that's perfect.

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00:10:43,412 --> 00:10:45,513
I mean, we've been
looking for an opening

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00:10:45,515 --> 00:10:47,450
to start a conversation
about the environment.

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00:10:48,250 --> 00:10:50,918
All right.

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00:10:50,920 --> 00:10:53,688
Romantically, if I may...

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00:10:53,690 --> 00:10:56,691
Remember the stir online

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00:10:56,693 --> 00:10:59,293
when the Canadian
Prime Minister and you

218
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were seated next to each other

219
00:11:01,197 --> 00:11:02,697
at The Global Business Forum?

220
00:11:02,699 --> 00:11:04,098
Mmm-hmm.

221
00:11:04,100 --> 00:11:06,233
A relationship like that

222
00:11:06,235 --> 00:11:09,004
would push you
into the high 90s.

223
00:11:09,439 --> 00:11:12,072
High 90s? Wow.

224
00:11:12,074 --> 00:11:13,410
That brings us to...

225
00:11:17,146 --> 00:11:19,079
What's wrong
with my wave?

226
00:11:19,081 --> 00:11:21,081
Um, I think people feel that

227
00:11:21,083 --> 00:11:24,118
that level of elbow movement
is, um...

228
00:11:24,120 --> 00:11:25,620
It stresses people out.

229
00:11:25,622 --> 00:11:28,623
You know what? It's just
an area for improvement.

230
00:11:28,625 --> 00:11:30,392
Okay, fine,
I'll work on the wave.

231
00:11:34,631 --> 00:11:36,264
- Hey.
- Hey, Fred.

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00:11:36,266 --> 00:11:38,968
You're gonna love this.
I almost died.

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00:11:39,403 --> 00:11:41,001
You got a second?

234
00:11:41,003 --> 00:11:43,671
- Yeah.
- Come on.

235
00:11:43,673 --> 00:11:46,173
I actually have
some really great news.

236
00:11:46,175 --> 00:11:48,343
- Really? Cool.
- Yes.

237
00:11:48,345 --> 00:11:50,678
We were just bought
by Wembley Media.

238
00:11:50,680 --> 00:11:52,647
- What?
- Yeah.

239
00:11:52,649 --> 00:11:53,548
Are you fucking kidding me?

240
00:11:53,550 --> 00:11:55,015
I knew you'd have
a harsh reaction...

241
00:11:55,017 --> 00:11:56,184
A harsh reaction?

242
00:11:56,186 --> 00:11:57,619
- Fred, this is a good thing.
- How?

243
00:11:57,621 --> 00:11:59,220
The fucker
represents everything

244
00:11:59,222 --> 00:12:00,688
that we've been fighting
against since day one!

245
00:12:00,690 --> 00:12:03,591
The whole point of this paper is
to fight giant media conglomerates.

246
00:12:03,593 --> 00:12:05,393
Now we've been bought
by a giant media conglomerate.

247
00:12:05,395 --> 00:12:07,662
- I do see the irony.
- Irony?

248
00:12:07,664 --> 00:12:10,331
He's gonna turn this place
into a propaganda machine.

249
00:12:10,333 --> 00:12:12,200
Not the good kind,
that's right!

250
00:12:12,202 --> 00:12:14,001
The bad kind, that's wrong!

251
00:12:14,003 --> 00:12:15,370
Well, we're out of options.

252
00:12:15,372 --> 00:12:17,105
We've been running
as long as we can

253
00:12:17,107 --> 00:12:19,507
on ads for weed doctors
and escorts.

254
00:12:19,509 --> 00:12:21,609
Let's get penis enlargement
ads, too.

255
00:12:21,611 --> 00:12:23,077
No one likes their dick.

256
00:12:23,079 --> 00:12:25,046
- Come on, Fred.
- This Wembley guy,

257
00:12:25,048 --> 00:12:27,582
he ran fake stories
to help get Chambers elected.

258
00:12:27,584 --> 00:12:28,550
No, they couldn't prove that.

259
00:12:28,552 --> 00:12:30,752
We proved it! I wrote
three articles about it!

260
00:12:30,754 --> 00:12:32,654
- You published them!
- I did.

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00:12:32,656 --> 00:12:35,356
The shit that comes out
of this fucking guy's mouth...

262
00:12:35,358 --> 00:12:38,059
He said hurricanes were
caused by gay marriage.

263
00:12:38,061 --> 00:12:39,661
I don't even get
how that fucking works.

264
00:12:39,663 --> 00:12:41,262
I don't even get
the math on that one.

265
00:12:41,264 --> 00:12:43,331
- Fred, it's done, all right?
- It's done?

266
00:12:43,333 --> 00:12:46,801
They're upstairs finalizing
the deal right now.

267
00:12:46,803 --> 00:12:49,571
Look, we have to cut
two-thirds of our staff.

268
00:12:49,573 --> 00:12:51,606
- Two-thirds?
- Yeah.

269
00:12:51,608 --> 00:12:54,042
But we wanna keep you on.
They wanna keep you on.

270
00:12:54,044 --> 00:12:55,443
It's just...

271
00:12:55,445 --> 00:12:57,345
You just have to
tone it down a little bit.

272
00:12:57,347 --> 00:12:58,814
I don't know how I can
tone things down

273
00:12:58,816 --> 00:13:00,482
any more than
I'm toning them down.

274
00:13:00,484 --> 00:13:02,484
Okay, Fred.
You're a great writer.

275
00:13:02,486 --> 00:13:03,651
- Thank you.
- All right, you're funny,

276
00:13:03,653 --> 00:13:05,353
you take risks,
you connect with people.

277
00:13:05,355 --> 00:13:06,621
I'm sensing a twist in this.

278
00:13:06,623 --> 00:13:08,625
You have a distinct,
authentic voice, but...

279
00:13:09,759 --> 00:13:11,626
Sometimes you're
a little too much.

280
00:13:11,628 --> 00:13:12,660
I don't think I am too much!

281
00:13:12,662 --> 00:13:15,163
I actually think I'm
the perfect right portion.

282
00:13:15,165 --> 00:13:16,664
Look, you have your job.

283
00:13:16,666 --> 00:13:19,501
Okay, focus on that and just
toe the line a little bit.

284
00:13:19,503 --> 00:13:21,102
You know what? I quit.

285
00:13:21,104 --> 00:13:22,237
Oh, come on, Fred.

286
00:13:22,239 --> 00:13:24,239
You should quit, too.
Everyone should fucking quit.

287
00:13:24,241 --> 00:13:26,174
No, I'm not gonna quit,
I need my job.

288
00:13:26,176 --> 00:13:28,276
I need my fucking job, too.
I'm broke, man!

289
00:13:28,278 --> 00:13:29,678
But I can't work for that guy.

290
00:13:29,680 --> 00:13:32,080
At least let me fire you
so you can get unemployment.

291
00:13:32,082 --> 00:13:34,148
No fucking way!

292
00:13:34,150 --> 00:13:36,284
I want him to know
that I quit.

293
00:13:36,286 --> 00:13:38,621
He's never gonna know it,
he's never heard of you.

294
00:13:38,623 --> 00:13:41,189
You're gonna destroy your life to
spite a guy who's never heard of you?

295
00:13:41,191 --> 00:13:42,758
Yes! You said it best!

296
00:13:42,760 --> 00:13:43,926
That's exactly
what I'm doing.

297
00:13:43,928 --> 00:13:46,729
You're making bad decisions
and it's bumming me out, man.

298
00:13:46,731 --> 00:13:48,196
Well, that makes
two of us.

299
00:13:48,198 --> 00:13:51,767
Fuck this.
Journalism died today, people.

300
00:13:51,769 --> 00:13:54,737
Yes, hello, this is, uh,
Fred Flarsky.

301
00:13:54,739 --> 00:13:56,672
Um... I, uh,

302
00:13:56,674 --> 00:13:58,239
was just calling to say
that I was forced

303
00:13:58,241 --> 00:13:59,507
to quit my job recently,

304
00:13:59,509 --> 00:14:01,209
making me
something of a free agent.

305
00:14:01,211 --> 00:14:02,778
And I know in the past, uh,

306
00:14:02,780 --> 00:14:05,481
you said I'm not exactly what
The Times was looking for,

307
00:14:05,483 --> 00:14:08,149
but I was just calling
to see if anything's changed.

308
00:14:08,151 --> 00:14:10,285
Uh, just give me a ring.
Thank you so much.

309
00:14:10,287 --> 00:14:12,490
Yo, Lance. It's Fred. Um...

310
00:14:14,224 --> 00:14:15,524
I lost my job
and I'm very sad.

311
00:14:15,526 --> 00:14:17,125
Can I come by?

312
00:14:22,466 --> 00:14:23,732
We need to
schedule a meeting

313
00:14:23,734 --> 00:14:25,734
and see what they have to say.

314
00:14:25,736 --> 00:14:27,270
Excuse me.

315
00:14:28,439 --> 00:14:31,239
Man, I can't believe
they did you like that.

316
00:14:31,241 --> 00:14:32,875
It's fucked up. I'm pissed.

317
00:14:32,877 --> 00:14:34,810
But you're gonna feel a lot
better, man, we're leaving.

318
00:14:34,812 --> 00:14:36,512
You can leave work right now?

319
00:14:36,514 --> 00:14:38,581
Yeah, I can fucking leave.
You see this corner office?

320
00:14:38,583 --> 00:14:39,848
That's a
"I can leave this bitch

321
00:14:39,850 --> 00:14:41,817
"whenever I want"
corner office.

322
00:14:41,819 --> 00:14:43,354
Come on, man. Everybody!

323
00:14:44,522 --> 00:14:46,254
This is my best friend,

324
00:14:46,256 --> 00:14:47,790
and he just
lost his job today.

325
00:14:47,792 --> 00:14:49,658
All right?
He's at rock bottom.

326
00:14:49,660 --> 00:14:51,860
- It's not that bad.
- He feels like shit.

327
00:14:51,862 --> 00:14:53,529
And I'm gonna
make him feel better.

328
00:14:53,531 --> 00:14:55,229
It's been a tradition
since we were in college,

329
00:14:55,231 --> 00:14:56,599
when one of us feels sad,

330
00:14:56,601 --> 00:14:58,334
the other one
has to get him fucked up.

331
00:14:58,336 --> 00:15:02,504
I'm talking Britney Spears,
mid-2000s bald head,

332
00:15:02,506 --> 00:15:04,773
almost dropping the baby
fucked up.

333
00:15:04,775 --> 00:15:06,875
No judgement. No judgement.

334
00:15:06,877 --> 00:15:09,244
I need my schedule cleared,
Zander.

335
00:15:09,246 --> 00:15:10,346
I don't want to do shit.

336
00:15:10,348 --> 00:15:12,581
I'm going off-grid
till tomorrow.

337
00:15:12,583 --> 00:15:13,651
Matter of fact...

338
00:15:14,752 --> 00:15:16,685
Everybody's got the day off.

339
00:15:16,687 --> 00:15:19,188
Everybody's got the day off.
Y'all got the day off.

340
00:15:19,190 --> 00:15:20,289
Everybody, go home.

341
00:15:20,291 --> 00:15:22,958
I'm so appreciative
of all of you guys' hard work.

342
00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:24,693
I love
every single one of you.

343
00:15:24,695 --> 00:15:25,761
Except you, Ted!

344
00:15:25,763 --> 00:15:28,864
Bagel Friday
is for everybody, Ted!

345
00:15:28,866 --> 00:15:30,966
You don't think we know
you taking the bagels?

346
00:15:30,968 --> 00:15:32,334
Yeah, Ted, not cool.

347
00:15:32,336 --> 00:15:33,268
- Zander.
- Yeah?

348
00:15:33,270 --> 00:15:35,504
I need two cans
of the Pamplemousse LaCroix.

349
00:15:35,506 --> 00:15:36,739
- Uh-huh.
- I need that filled

350
00:15:36,741 --> 00:15:39,274
with Johnnie Walker Blue
and CBD oil.

351
00:15:39,276 --> 00:15:40,444
Do you want one?

352
00:15:41,812 --> 00:15:43,479
I got fucked, man.

353
00:15:43,481 --> 00:15:46,215
Yeah, you got fucked
like a stepmom on Pornhub.

354
00:15:46,217 --> 00:15:47,383
Well, it happens to everybody.

355
00:15:47,385 --> 00:15:49,318
I've been unemployed before,
it sucks.

356
00:15:49,320 --> 00:15:50,586
But I didn't ask
for any handouts.

357
00:15:50,588 --> 00:15:53,389
I picked myself up by
my bootstraps and got to it.

358
00:15:53,391 --> 00:15:54,823
Where are we going right now?

359
00:15:54,825 --> 00:15:56,625
Best day ever, Fred.
Don't worry about it.

360
00:15:56,627 --> 00:15:58,794
I've got this dope afternoon
planned for us.

361
00:15:58,796 --> 00:16:00,596
First we're going to finish
these Pamplemousse's.

362
00:16:00,598 --> 00:16:01,563
Play at the park.

363
00:16:01,565 --> 00:16:03,599
After that we're going to
go to Peter Luger's,

364
00:16:03,601 --> 00:16:04,767
get you a nice fat steak,

365
00:16:04,769 --> 00:16:07,469
and then finish it off with
a World Wildlife Fund benefit.

366
00:16:07,471 --> 00:16:08,837
I don't know if I
want to go to some

367
00:16:08,839 --> 00:16:10,406
fancy rich person party.

368
00:16:10,408 --> 00:16:11,740
What... Oh, come on, man,

369
00:16:11,742 --> 00:16:13,342
don't be so judgmental,
all right?

370
00:16:13,344 --> 00:16:15,744
It's free booze and
there'll be pandas and shit.

371
00:16:15,746 --> 00:16:18,280
- People love pandas and shit.
- I don't know.

372
00:16:18,282 --> 00:16:19,515
All right, fine, Fred.

373
00:16:19,517 --> 00:16:20,917
Then just do nothing.
All right?

374
00:16:20,919 --> 00:16:22,852
Go home, do nothing.

375
00:16:22,854 --> 00:16:25,423
And don't kick it with your
best friend and Boyz II Men.

376
00:16:26,557 --> 00:16:27,791
Say what?

377
00:16:27,793 --> 00:16:29,525
Oh, yeah.

378
00:16:29,527 --> 00:16:30,994
Boyz II Men is bringing
their timeless blend

379
00:16:30,996 --> 00:16:34,263
of R&B, hip-hop and
new jack swing to the party.

380
00:16:34,265 --> 00:16:36,265
I thought you would
like to be there.

381
00:16:36,267 --> 00:16:37,967
Bo-bo-bo-Boyz II Men?

382
00:16:37,969 --> 00:16:41,037
♪ Motownphilly's back again

383
00:16:42,140 --> 00:16:43,039
That's what I'm talking about,
man. Let's do this shit.

384
00:16:43,041 --> 00:16:45,008
Okay, let's have fun.
What a fun day.

385
00:16:46,978 --> 00:16:50,612
I am so hungry,
it's insane.

386
00:16:50,614 --> 00:16:51,848
Why didn't you
PowerBar me?

387
00:16:51,850 --> 00:16:53,348
I tried,
you pushed my hand away.

388
00:16:53,350 --> 00:16:54,516
Oh.

389
00:16:54,518 --> 00:16:57,519
Skewered foods. I can't eat
skewered foods gracefully.

390
00:16:57,521 --> 00:16:58,922
I look like
a fucking caveman.

391
00:16:58,924 --> 00:17:00,690
Yeah, and there are
cameras everywhere.

392
00:17:00,692 --> 00:17:02,524
That's really gonna hurt
your elegance score.

393
00:17:02,526 --> 00:17:03,595
That's my best score.

394
00:17:07,999 --> 00:17:09,933
Fuck! It's all
skewered foods.

395
00:17:09,935 --> 00:17:11,601
I'm gonna take the chicken
off the skewers.

396
00:17:11,603 --> 00:17:13,535
- Take it off...
- Quickly. Quickly.

397
00:17:13,537 --> 00:17:15,504
Why do they make this
so difficult...

398
00:17:15,506 --> 00:17:17,841
Oh. I'm sorry, sir.
I apologize.

399
00:17:17,843 --> 00:17:20,409
- Jesus fucking Christ.
- Can't do things...

400
00:17:20,411 --> 00:17:22,377
Just make a fucking...
Make a wall. Make a wall.

401
00:17:22,379 --> 00:17:24,248
- Yup. Yes.
- Do you have it?

402
00:17:27,418 --> 00:17:29,018
Good. Good, good,
good, good.

403
00:17:29,020 --> 00:17:30,822
Oh, my God,
it's really good chicken.

404
00:17:32,457 --> 00:17:34,023
James Steward is approaching.
James Steward is approaching.

405
00:17:34,025 --> 00:17:35,091
What?

406
00:17:35,093 --> 00:17:36,860
Okay, he's about
nine feet away.

407
00:17:36,862 --> 00:17:38,895
His dick is probably
about seven feet away.

408
00:17:38,897 --> 00:17:40,663
- Maggie!
- Six feet away.

409
00:17:40,665 --> 00:17:42,534
Five feet away.
Spit, spit, spit, spit, spit.

410
00:17:43,902 --> 00:17:45,935
- James!
- Bonsoir.

411
00:17:45,937 --> 00:17:47,771
- Hi.
- Good evening.

412
00:17:47,773 --> 00:17:49,439
I am so sorry I missed you

413
00:17:49,441 --> 00:17:51,107
when I was at the White House
a few weeks ago.

414
00:17:51,109 --> 00:17:54,043
Oh, are you so "sorry," James?

415
00:17:54,045 --> 00:17:55,578
You're never gonna

416
00:17:55,580 --> 00:17:56,913
stop making that joke,
are you?

417
00:17:56,915 --> 00:17:59,048
No. I'm not.

418
00:17:59,050 --> 00:18:00,517
Well, I... Oh, hello.

419
00:18:00,519 --> 00:18:01,818
- Hi.
- Oh, yes.

420
00:18:01,820 --> 00:18:03,622
Thank you.

421
00:18:04,990 --> 00:18:07,025
- One more. One more.
- One more.

422
00:18:08,126 --> 00:18:10,493
Merci. Thank you.

423
00:18:10,495 --> 00:18:11,663
What do you say
we get out of here?

424
00:18:13,031 --> 00:18:15,799
Grab a drink somewhere
a bit more private.

425
00:18:17,936 --> 00:18:19,135
- Yes...
- Yeah?

426
00:18:19,137 --> 00:18:21,404
Oh, my God!

427
00:18:21,406 --> 00:18:23,139
Make some noise out there!
Make some noise!

428
00:18:23,141 --> 00:18:25,441
Yeah! Check it out, y'all!

429
00:18:25,443 --> 00:18:27,577
One question,
what's the name of the group?

430
00:18:27,579 --> 00:18:28,845
Boyz II Men!

431
00:18:28,847 --> 00:18:29,712
What's the name
of the group, y'all?

432
00:18:29,714 --> 00:18:31,047
Boyz II Men!

433
00:18:52,938 --> 00:18:54,003
Yeah...

434
00:18:54,005 --> 00:18:55,039
I told you this
would be dope.

435
00:18:55,041 --> 00:18:58,108
Yeah, uh...
This is really cheering me up.

436
00:18:58,110 --> 00:18:59,542
Wow.

437
00:19:09,155 --> 00:19:10,587
I'm super underdressed.

438
00:19:10,589 --> 00:19:11,888
Stop complaining,
all right?

439
00:19:11,890 --> 00:19:13,823
You think
you feel outta place?

440
00:19:13,825 --> 00:19:14,992
This is one of
the brightest rooms

441
00:19:14,994 --> 00:19:17,027
I've ever been in,
in my life.

442
00:19:17,029 --> 00:19:18,830
Bright?
What do you mean, bright?

443
00:19:19,431 --> 00:19:20,663
Like white.

444
00:19:20,665 --> 00:19:22,732
- Oh, "bright" is white?
- Yeah, man.

445
00:19:22,734 --> 00:19:24,801
It's only me,
the waiters and Boyz II Men.

446
00:19:24,803 --> 00:19:26,669
I've already had three people
tell me they love my music.

447
00:19:32,611 --> 00:19:33,844
Duty calls.

448
00:19:33,846 --> 00:19:36,213
I'll take a snow check
on that dance.

449
00:19:36,215 --> 00:19:38,815
- Canadian for "rain check."
- Okay.

450
00:19:38,817 --> 00:19:40,853
Okay.

451
00:19:47,827 --> 00:19:49,960
Man, you're pounding 'em
kinda hard, don't you think?

452
00:19:49,962 --> 00:19:52,029
I got fired today, man.

453
00:19:52,031 --> 00:19:53,398
You told me you quit.

454
00:19:54,800 --> 00:19:56,901
I was forced to quit
because of...

455
00:19:56,903 --> 00:19:58,035
Yeah, okay, man.

456
00:19:58,037 --> 00:19:59,404
Lie to me some more.

457
00:20:01,240 --> 00:20:02,507
You good?

458
00:20:07,780 --> 00:20:09,949
Shit. Is the secretary
of state looking at us?

459
00:20:11,884 --> 00:20:13,085
Oh, she's looking at you?

460
00:20:15,087 --> 00:20:16,454
Fred.

461
00:20:19,591 --> 00:20:21,727
Fred. What the hell?
What was that?

462
00:20:22,762 --> 00:20:24,630
Damn. Hey, what was that?

463
00:20:25,898 --> 00:20:27,497
I...

464
00:20:27,499 --> 00:20:28,899
Kinda... I kinda know her.
Okay?

465
00:20:28,901 --> 00:20:30,834
- You kinda know her?
- Yeah.

466
00:20:30,836 --> 00:20:32,569
Nobody kinda knows
Charlotte Field, all right?

467
00:20:32,571 --> 00:20:33,971
It's like kinda knowing
a mermaid, dude.

468
00:20:33,973 --> 00:20:35,105
You tell people that shit.

469
00:20:35,107 --> 00:20:36,774
- That's exceptional.
- Okay.

470
00:20:36,776 --> 00:20:38,075
I'll tell you a story.

471
00:20:38,077 --> 00:20:41,812
So, I'm like 13,
she's like 16.

472
00:20:41,814 --> 00:20:43,149
She's my babysitter.

473
00:20:48,721 --> 00:20:51,255
She's like, perfect.
She's very nice to me,

474
00:20:51,257 --> 00:20:52,790
which goes a long way with me.

475
00:20:52,792 --> 00:20:54,224
So, we're at her house...

476
00:20:54,226 --> 00:20:56,160
She's practicing a speech
that she's writing.

477
00:20:56,162 --> 00:20:58,128
She's running for
Student Council president.

478
00:20:58,130 --> 00:20:59,431
Did you know
that every year,

479
00:20:59,433 --> 00:21:02,266
the school throws away over
500 tons of recyclable garbage?

480
00:21:02,268 --> 00:21:05,102
- And no one cares.
- I know, it's total bullshit.

481
00:21:05,104 --> 00:21:06,704
But how do you get idiots
to care about shit

482
00:21:06,706 --> 00:21:09,807
- they don't care about?
- They'll just care

483
00:21:09,809 --> 00:21:11,842
because it's the right thing
to care about.

484
00:21:11,844 --> 00:21:14,845
You're more inspiring than George
Bush and Dan Quayle combined.

485
00:21:14,847 --> 00:21:16,613
Well, that's not too hard.

486
00:21:18,050 --> 00:21:19,783
Well, she was amazing,
and she was smart,

487
00:21:19,785 --> 00:21:21,118
and she seemed to
kinda like me,

488
00:21:21,120 --> 00:21:22,886
and I felt like
we were having a moment.

489
00:21:22,888 --> 00:21:25,055
You know what I mean?
Like a romantic moment.

490
00:21:25,057 --> 00:21:26,123
Oh, shit.

491
00:21:26,125 --> 00:21:27,725
So I did something,

492
00:21:27,727 --> 00:21:29,827
that in retrospect
was highly inappropriate.

493
00:21:29,829 --> 00:21:31,130
I kissed her.

494
00:21:31,797 --> 00:21:33,130
I looked down...

495
00:21:33,132 --> 00:21:35,300
I got a fucking
13-year-old boner, man!

496
00:21:35,302 --> 00:21:38,135
- Oh!
- Hard... But not big.

497
00:21:38,137 --> 00:21:40,938
But hard. And pronounced,
"13-year-old boner."

498
00:21:40,940 --> 00:21:41,939
Sorry.

499
00:21:41,941 --> 00:21:43,909
And she looks at it.
She sees it. And she goes...

500
00:21:44,677 --> 00:21:45,743
It's okay.

501
00:21:45,745 --> 00:21:47,245
And then,

502
00:21:47,247 --> 00:21:49,113
her boyfriend comes
into the room,

503
00:21:49,115 --> 00:21:50,814
who was in the other room
watching Blossom!

504
00:21:50,816 --> 00:21:51,882
Hey, babe.

505
00:21:51,884 --> 00:21:53,751
Points out my fucking
little boner.

506
00:21:53,753 --> 00:21:56,154
- He makes a joke!
- Whoa!

507
00:21:56,156 --> 00:21:57,690
And they left.

508
00:21:58,325 --> 00:21:59,859
I'm sorry.

509
00:22:01,894 --> 00:22:04,964
And I'm left
standing there alone...

510
00:22:05,798 --> 00:22:06,764
...in the kitchen,

511
00:22:06,766 --> 00:22:09,767
with my little, hard
13-year-old fucking boner.

512
00:22:09,769 --> 00:22:11,935
- Hard as a rock.
- And on top of that,

513
00:22:11,937 --> 00:22:13,604
she didn't win
the fucking election.

514
00:22:13,606 --> 00:22:16,307
Bill Sterling won because
he ran on a two-prom platform.

515
00:22:16,309 --> 00:22:19,344
- Two-prom!
- Two-proms! Back-to-back!

516
00:22:19,346 --> 00:22:21,712
She didn't stand
a fucking chance.

517
00:22:21,714 --> 00:22:22,846
No, man.

518
00:22:22,848 --> 00:22:24,882
I think you're skimming over
the best part of that story.

519
00:22:24,884 --> 00:22:26,617
What's the best part
of that story?

520
00:22:26,619 --> 00:22:28,386
She says your boner was okay.

521
00:22:28,388 --> 00:22:30,188
She said, "It's okay,"
like she was trying

522
00:22:30,190 --> 00:22:32,023
to not make me
fucking feel bad.

523
00:22:32,025 --> 00:22:34,025
Fred, you see
a fucked-up story,

524
00:22:34,027 --> 00:22:37,761
when I see a beautiful story
about a girl that you liked,

525
00:22:37,763 --> 00:22:40,898
liking your boner
in all of its okay-ness.

526
00:22:40,900 --> 00:22:42,967
You need
to talk to her tonight.

527
00:22:42,969 --> 00:22:44,235
She probably doesn't remember
who I am,

528
00:22:44,237 --> 00:22:45,937
and if she does remember
who I am,

529
00:22:45,939 --> 00:22:47,105
the last thing she wants is

530
00:22:47,107 --> 00:22:49,207
my 13-year-old-boner-having
fucking ass walking up to her.

531
00:22:49,209 --> 00:22:50,275
- Look...
- Excuse me.

532
00:22:50,277 --> 00:22:51,309
Whoa.

533
00:22:51,311 --> 00:22:52,977
Secretary Field would
like to speak with you.

534
00:22:52,979 --> 00:22:54,212
With me?

535
00:22:54,214 --> 00:22:55,646
With him, right?

536
00:22:55,648 --> 00:22:57,415
- Yeah.
- Right now?

537
00:22:57,417 --> 00:22:59,017
Uh, do you know why?

538
00:22:59,019 --> 00:23:00,120
This way.

539
00:23:01,221 --> 00:23:02,387
This is good.

540
00:23:02,389 --> 00:23:03,822
What are you
nervous about?

541
00:23:03,824 --> 00:23:06,091
What the fuck?
Everything I just said!

542
00:23:15,734 --> 00:23:17,701
Oh, my God, dude,
there she is.

543
00:23:26,246 --> 00:23:28,079
What are you gonna
say to her?

544
00:23:28,081 --> 00:23:29,681
I don't know.

545
00:23:29,683 --> 00:23:31,049
Should open with a neg.

546
00:23:31,051 --> 00:23:32,350
Tell her she's too tall.

547
00:23:32,352 --> 00:23:34,252
I'm not gonna neg
the secretary of state.

548
00:23:34,254 --> 00:23:36,189
- It was so nice to see you.
- You as well.

549
00:23:38,325 --> 00:23:41,126
Give me the signal
when you need me.

550
00:23:41,128 --> 00:23:43,261
- Hi.
- Hi.

551
00:23:43,263 --> 00:23:44,696
A man brought me here.

552
00:23:44,698 --> 00:23:46,231
Yes, sorry about that.

553
00:23:46,233 --> 00:23:47,265
- Um...
- No, not at all.

554
00:23:47,267 --> 00:23:50,135
I can't shake this feeling
that we know each other.

555
00:23:50,137 --> 00:23:51,769
- We do. Yeah.
- We do?

556
00:23:51,771 --> 00:23:53,171
- We do know each other.
- Okay, so I'm not crazy.

557
00:23:53,173 --> 00:23:55,473
- Uh, I'm Fred.
- Fred...

558
00:23:55,475 --> 00:23:56,774
I was shorter,

559
00:23:56,776 --> 00:23:58,209
- but other than that...
- Flarsky?

560
00:23:58,211 --> 00:23:59,277
Yeah! Holy fuck!

561
00:23:59,279 --> 00:24:00,979
I can't believe it.
You remember.

562
00:24:00,981 --> 00:24:03,248
Oh, my God,
look at you!

563
00:24:03,250 --> 00:24:04,449
Look at me, yes.

564
00:24:04,451 --> 00:24:05,717
What are you doing here?

565
00:24:05,719 --> 00:24:08,219
My friend, Lance...
That's Lance.

566
00:24:08,221 --> 00:24:09,254
Hey, how you doing?

567
00:24:09,256 --> 00:24:11,923
He, uh, he just brought me
here to see Boyz II Men.

568
00:24:11,925 --> 00:24:13,057
I just met them.

569
00:24:13,059 --> 00:24:14,893
- You met the Men?
- Yeah.

570
00:24:14,895 --> 00:24:16,495
- What was it like?
- Don't tell anybody,

571
00:24:16,497 --> 00:24:17,996
but it was
the highlight of my life.

572
00:24:17,998 --> 00:24:19,130
Oh, I totally get that.

573
00:24:19,132 --> 00:24:20,131
And I've met
the Dalai Lama.

574
00:24:20,133 --> 00:24:22,800
Fuck him. How many hits
does he have? None.

575
00:24:22,802 --> 00:24:24,736
Don't actually fuck him.

576
00:24:24,738 --> 00:24:25,870
- He's a wonderful man.
- Yeah.

577
00:24:25,872 --> 00:24:27,305
What are you doing
these days?

578
00:24:27,307 --> 00:24:29,176
I bet it's
something amazing.

579
00:24:30,911 --> 00:24:32,177
- It's pretty amazing.
- Yeah.

580
00:24:32,179 --> 00:24:33,244
Uh, yeah,

581
00:24:33,246 --> 00:24:35,847
but it's still in its, uh,
gestation period, I guess.

582
00:24:35,849 --> 00:24:37,015
I don't need to get into it.

583
00:24:37,017 --> 00:24:38,118
What about you,
what have you been up to?

584
00:24:39,085 --> 00:24:40,251
You're the secretary...
I'm joking.

585
00:24:40,253 --> 00:24:41,387
I know what
you've been up to.

586
00:24:41,389 --> 00:24:42,588
- Yeah.
- You're very, um...

587
00:24:42,590 --> 00:24:44,956
You know, I just, I... I just
wanna say it's, like, amazing

588
00:24:44,958 --> 00:24:46,024
to see what you've done
with your life.

589
00:24:46,026 --> 00:24:47,158
A lot of people say
they're gonna do

590
00:24:47,160 --> 00:24:49,260
all this incredible stuff
and they don't do anything,

591
00:24:49,262 --> 00:24:51,898
but you actually did it all,
so, congrats.

592
00:24:53,267 --> 00:24:55,233
Well, I'm trying.

593
00:24:55,235 --> 00:24:56,770
I think you've done it.

594
00:24:58,439 --> 00:24:59,739
Oh!

595
00:25:00,907 --> 00:25:02,208
Parker Wembley.

596
00:25:02,210 --> 00:25:03,475
I hate this guy.

597
00:25:03,477 --> 00:25:06,110
Parker Wembley, the guy
who buys and sells newspapers

598
00:25:06,112 --> 00:25:08,214
and thinks that hurricanes
are caused by gay marriage?

599
00:25:08,216 --> 00:25:09,281
You know him?

600
00:25:09,283 --> 00:25:10,482
He's coming over here.

601
00:25:10,484 --> 00:25:12,251
- Is he behind me?
- Yeah.

602
00:25:12,253 --> 00:25:15,853
- Finally. Secretary Field.
- Parker, how are you?

603
00:25:15,855 --> 00:25:18,022
You are looking
particularly gorgeous tonight.

604
00:25:18,024 --> 00:25:19,325
Thank you.

605
00:25:19,327 --> 00:25:21,493
I... I've been trying
to set a meeting with you

606
00:25:21,495 --> 00:25:24,096
for some months now,
and, uh...

607
00:25:24,098 --> 00:25:25,863
I mean, have you been
avoiding me?

608
00:25:25,865 --> 00:25:28,866
No! No.

609
00:25:28,868 --> 00:25:31,004
Not successfully.

610
00:25:32,473 --> 00:25:35,039
Who's your friend?

611
00:25:35,041 --> 00:25:36,908
- Fred.
- Hey, Fred!

612
00:25:36,910 --> 00:25:37,976
- Yes, hi.
- How are you?

613
00:25:37,978 --> 00:25:39,944
And, uh, what is it
that you do?

614
00:25:39,946 --> 00:25:41,980
I'm a journalist,
actually. Yeah.

615
00:25:41,982 --> 00:25:43,815
- Ooh, a journalist.
- Mmm-hmm. Yeah.

616
00:25:43,817 --> 00:25:46,218
Will I have read
anything that you've written?

617
00:25:46,220 --> 00:25:49,021
Probably not recently 'cause
I'm unemployed at the moment.

618
00:25:49,023 --> 00:25:50,922
Oh, I am so sorry
to hear that.

619
00:25:50,924 --> 00:25:52,191
Not your fault.

620
00:25:52,193 --> 00:25:54,126
Excuse me, Secretary Field,
we need a word.

621
00:25:54,128 --> 00:25:56,195
- Oh, okay.
- So we will have that meeting.

622
00:25:56,197 --> 00:25:57,263
- Right?
- Yes.

623
00:25:57,265 --> 00:25:58,998
Okay, good. Fred.

624
00:25:59,000 --> 00:26:00,165
- Yes?
- Best of luck.

625
00:26:00,167 --> 00:26:01,233
Oh, why, thanks.

626
00:26:01,235 --> 00:26:02,301
Things will turn around
for you.

627
00:26:02,303 --> 00:26:03,202
So nice of you.

628
00:26:03,204 --> 00:26:05,006
Darkest before the dawn
and all that.

629
00:26:06,540 --> 00:26:09,008
- I actually... I do have to...
- Yeah.

630
00:26:09,010 --> 00:26:10,376
You probably have a lot
of things to do.

631
00:26:10,378 --> 00:26:11,443
Better than this.

632
00:26:11,445 --> 00:26:12,578
It's really nice
to see you again.

633
00:26:12,580 --> 00:26:16,115
Oh. Yeah. Okay. Sure. Great.

634
00:26:16,117 --> 00:26:19,151
Oh, you're backless.
Wasn't expecting that.

635
00:26:19,153 --> 00:26:21,020
- Have fun at the party.
- You too.

636
00:26:21,022 --> 00:26:22,156
Great to see you.

637
00:26:25,226 --> 00:26:28,193
I see you. I see you. Yeah.

638
00:26:30,631 --> 00:26:33,067
So I said,
"You want..."

639
00:26:34,568 --> 00:26:35,968
Hey. Hey.
What's that look in your eye?

640
00:26:35,970 --> 00:26:37,036
What are you
about to go do?

641
00:26:37,038 --> 00:26:38,871
Tonight is
about the animals, dude.

642
00:26:38,873 --> 00:26:40,873
Fuck the animals!
They're fucking gone, man.

643
00:26:40,875 --> 00:26:42,574
Too late
for the fucking animals.

644
00:26:44,412 --> 00:26:46,078
Hey!

645
00:26:46,080 --> 00:26:47,579
- Oh, Fred?
- Yeah, look.

646
00:26:47,581 --> 00:26:49,915
- What's the problem?
- I'll tell you the problem.

647
00:26:49,917 --> 00:26:51,450
- What?
- You're the problem, man!

648
00:26:51,452 --> 00:26:54,019
You're everything that's wrong
with this fucking country.

649
00:26:54,021 --> 00:26:57,256
'Cause you're an old,
rich, white piece of shit

650
00:26:57,258 --> 00:26:59,992
and your media conglomerate
is ruining this planet!

651
00:26:59,994 --> 00:27:01,927
- Enough.
- I'm done anyway.

652
00:27:01,929 --> 00:27:03,595
I had more time with you
than I thought I would,

653
00:27:03,597 --> 00:27:05,230
so joke's on you.
Excuse me, thank you.

654
00:27:05,232 --> 00:27:06,899
Whoa, shit!

655
00:27:09,337 --> 00:27:10,570
God!

656
00:27:12,106 --> 00:27:13,272
Cracker down!

657
00:27:13,274 --> 00:27:14,674
Oh, my God.

658
00:27:14,676 --> 00:27:16,010
Looks like it hurt.

659
00:27:16,645 --> 00:27:18,510
Boyz II Men, back up.

660
00:27:18,512 --> 00:27:19,978
You all right? You good?

661
00:27:19,980 --> 00:27:21,146
- You all right?
- I'm okay!

662
00:27:21,148 --> 00:27:22,214
He's okay!

663
00:27:22,216 --> 00:27:23,351
How is he standing?

664
00:27:29,957 --> 00:27:32,059
- Oh!
- Ouch!

665
00:27:34,095 --> 00:27:37,930
♪ Oh, no
That's the Ruff Ryder...

666
00:27:37,932 --> 00:27:38,997
This is so creative.

667
00:27:41,335 --> 00:27:42,569
Ha-ha!

668
00:27:42,571 --> 00:27:44,138
- What was that?
- Thank you, Tom.

669
00:27:44,639 --> 00:27:46,972
God, that was crazy.

670
00:27:46,974 --> 00:27:48,340
I mean,
now that we know he's okay,

671
00:27:48,342 --> 00:27:51,009
it was all so hilarious.

672
00:27:51,011 --> 00:27:53,613
And so what is
the relationship exactly?

673
00:27:53,615 --> 00:27:55,247
- Was he your super?
- No,

674
00:27:55,249 --> 00:27:57,182
we grew up
next door to each other.

675
00:27:57,184 --> 00:27:58,451
Yeah.

676
00:27:58,453 --> 00:28:01,321
Fuck,
I used to babysit for him.

677
00:28:01,323 --> 00:28:03,556
- You babysat for him?
- I did.

678
00:28:03,558 --> 00:28:06,225
Wow. Time has not been kind.

679
00:28:06,227 --> 00:28:07,226
He was
such a strange little kid.

680
00:28:07,228 --> 00:28:10,430
But he was really funny.
And he was super smart.

681
00:28:10,432 --> 00:28:12,499
He did have this chip
on his shoulder, though.

682
00:28:12,501 --> 00:28:14,534
He's actually
not a bad writer.

683
00:28:14,536 --> 00:28:15,968
Wait, you've read
his stuff?

684
00:28:15,970 --> 00:28:17,169
Yeah, Brooklyn Advocate.

685
00:28:17,171 --> 00:28:19,472
Oh, God, of course,
you read that, Tom.

686
00:28:19,474 --> 00:28:21,241
Didn't that paper
just get sold off?

687
00:28:21,243 --> 00:28:22,609
Wembley Media
just bought them.

688
00:28:22,611 --> 00:28:25,177
Oh, that makes total sense.

689
00:28:25,179 --> 00:28:27,380
That's why he was
such a dick to Wembley.

690
00:28:27,382 --> 00:28:31,386
So the rest of the schedule
for the day is pretty packed.

691
00:28:41,696 --> 00:28:43,028
- Hi.
- Hey.

692
00:28:43,030 --> 00:28:45,732
Did you like
any of those writing samples?

693
00:28:45,734 --> 00:28:48,601
Yeah, McKenzie is good.
Bess is solid.

694
00:28:48,603 --> 00:28:53,139
And, um,
Fred's stuff isn't too bad.

695
00:28:53,141 --> 00:28:55,108
Wait, not the...

696
00:28:55,110 --> 00:28:57,577
The homeless person
that fell down the stairs?

697
00:28:57,579 --> 00:29:00,180
Yeah. He has a real voice.

698
00:29:00,182 --> 00:29:02,782
And he knows me.
I mean, he knew me.

699
00:29:02,784 --> 00:29:04,451
And that's probably
a good thing

700
00:29:04,453 --> 00:29:07,353
if he's going to be
writing for me.

701
00:29:07,355 --> 00:29:09,389
Bringing someone like that
onto the team,

702
00:29:09,391 --> 00:29:12,091
I have to say,
feels a little reckless.

703
00:29:12,093 --> 00:29:15,562
His writing is really good.
And it's funny.

704
00:29:15,564 --> 00:29:17,597
I think he can get that
number up by a few points.

705
00:29:17,599 --> 00:29:19,301
And if he doesn't,
we fire him.

706
00:29:20,168 --> 00:29:21,234
Okay.

707
00:29:21,236 --> 00:29:22,237
Okay.

708
00:29:22,771 --> 00:29:24,239
Fred Flarsky it is.

709
00:29:24,673 --> 00:29:26,041
Thanks.

710
00:29:31,213 --> 00:29:32,214
All right, bye.

711
00:29:38,653 --> 00:29:40,286
Unknown!

712
00:29:40,288 --> 00:29:42,088
I don't give a fuck.
Answer that shit.

713
00:29:42,090 --> 00:29:43,456
- What?
- Answer it!

714
00:29:43,458 --> 00:29:45,091
What if it's The Man
trying to get at me?

715
00:29:45,093 --> 00:29:46,794
No, it's the universe
trying to talk to you.

716
00:29:46,796 --> 00:29:48,061
Really?

717
00:29:48,063 --> 00:29:49,529
- Gang.
- Gang.

718
00:29:49,531 --> 00:29:51,297
Do that shit, man.
Fred, don't fuck with me.

719
00:29:51,299 --> 00:29:52,833
All right. Hello. Gang.

720
00:29:52,835 --> 00:29:54,667
- Mr. Flarsky?
- What?

721
00:29:54,669 --> 00:29:56,202
Wait, slow down. What?

722
00:29:56,204 --> 00:29:58,104
- You're unknown. Pardon?
- Oh, my God. Mr. Flarsky.

723
00:29:58,106 --> 00:30:00,206
- Hello?
- Go on.

724
00:30:00,208 --> 00:30:03,811
This is Maggie Millikin
from Secretary Field's office.

725
00:30:03,813 --> 00:30:06,112
Hello, Maggie,
who works for Secretary Field.

726
00:30:06,114 --> 00:30:07,781
- Whoo!
- Hello?

727
00:30:07,783 --> 00:30:09,082
That's good!
Talk to her.

728
00:30:09,084 --> 00:30:11,752
- Hello?
- How can I help you?

729
00:30:11,754 --> 00:30:13,721
The secretary would like
to meet with you immediately.

730
00:30:13,723 --> 00:30:15,088
We will send a car over.

731
00:30:15,090 --> 00:30:16,790
Can you give me
the most convenient address?

732
00:30:16,792 --> 00:30:18,626
- What is she saying?
- Secretary would like

733
00:30:18,628 --> 00:30:19,727
to meet with me immediately

734
00:30:19,729 --> 00:30:20,763
and they're going
to send a car?

735
00:30:23,164 --> 00:30:25,833
Mr. Lou's Deli in Brooklyn.

736
00:30:25,835 --> 00:30:28,268
- I'm sure you can find it.
- I will google it.

737
00:30:28,270 --> 00:30:30,303
Mr. Lou's in Brooklyn.
Stay right there.

738
00:30:30,305 --> 00:30:31,371
Okay.

739
00:30:31,373 --> 00:30:33,540
Uh, I'll see you soon.

740
00:30:33,542 --> 00:30:35,811
Oh,
I feel so scared.

741
00:30:36,612 --> 00:30:37,745
Do I look okay?

742
00:30:37,747 --> 00:30:39,212
Do I look funny?

743
00:30:39,214 --> 00:30:40,446
- Why are these pockets here?
- It's okay.

744
00:30:40,448 --> 00:30:41,715
God fucking damn it!

745
00:30:41,717 --> 00:30:43,584
Why am I wearing
these fucking stupid pants?

746
00:30:43,586 --> 00:30:44,818
They're too tapered!

747
00:30:44,820 --> 00:30:47,253
Who wears these silly-looking,
fucking tapered cargo pants

748
00:30:47,255 --> 00:30:49,389
and see the fucking
secretary of state?

749
00:30:49,391 --> 00:30:50,891
You can't think like this.
You have to be positive.

750
00:30:50,893 --> 00:30:52,392
- Mr. Flarsky?
- Oh, shit.

751
00:30:52,394 --> 00:30:53,529
Mr. Flarsky.

752
00:30:56,131 --> 00:30:57,230
Wish me luck, man.

753
00:30:57,232 --> 00:30:58,766
Yeah, you don't need luck, man.
She said it was okay.

754
00:30:58,768 --> 00:30:59,833
Luck is for losers.

755
00:30:59,835 --> 00:31:01,835
You've got destiny
on your side.

756
00:31:01,837 --> 00:31:04,638
You're good. Fred.

757
00:31:04,640 --> 00:31:06,174
You buy the body.

758
00:31:06,809 --> 00:31:08,076
That doesn't mean anything.

759
00:31:10,513 --> 00:31:12,178
Fred, put your
seat belt on.

760
00:31:12,180 --> 00:31:14,650
Take care of my friend.
All right?

761
00:31:15,718 --> 00:31:17,918
- I look normal?
- You look cool.

762
00:31:17,920 --> 00:31:19,321
I love you, Fred!

763
00:31:19,889 --> 00:31:21,757
Nut boys for life!

764
00:31:37,840 --> 00:31:40,808
Empty your pockets
and take off your backpack.

765
00:31:40,810 --> 00:31:42,177
Empty my pockets?

766
00:31:44,313 --> 00:31:45,715
All right. That's...

767
00:31:46,816 --> 00:31:48,250
Let's see how this goes.

768
00:31:51,354 --> 00:31:53,387
Not a regular cop, I assume.

769
00:31:53,389 --> 00:31:56,757
Got bigger fish to fry than
just normal cop shit, right?

770
00:31:56,759 --> 00:31:58,794
So, uh, okay. Let's do it.

771
00:32:00,563 --> 00:32:04,298
That's prescription.
For anxiety. Uh...

772
00:32:04,300 --> 00:32:07,868
This is if you can't dance for
a long time and you want to.

773
00:32:07,870 --> 00:32:10,537
That's prescription as well,
for, uh, lack of energy.

774
00:32:10,539 --> 00:32:11,805
That's energy powder.

775
00:32:11,807 --> 00:32:15,411
These are to wrap
the anxiety medication in

776
00:32:16,278 --> 00:32:19,346
when inhaling it medicinally.

777
00:32:19,348 --> 00:32:21,815
That's if you want to vaporize
the anxiety medicine,

778
00:32:21,817 --> 00:32:23,486
which I have
a prescription for.

779
00:32:24,487 --> 00:32:25,821
And that's a blunt.

780
00:32:31,861 --> 00:32:33,195
Ooh.

781
00:32:34,864 --> 00:32:35,865
Hi.

782
00:32:41,604 --> 00:32:42,672
Wow.

783
00:32:44,840 --> 00:32:46,306
Will you sign this, please?

784
00:32:46,308 --> 00:32:48,509
- What is it?
- It's an NDA.

785
00:32:48,511 --> 00:32:49,576
A non-disclosure agreement?

786
00:32:49,578 --> 00:32:51,880
- That's right.
- Okay.

787
00:32:51,882 --> 00:32:53,547
- Oh, my God.
- Fred.

788
00:32:53,549 --> 00:32:55,349
- Yeah.
- Hey, nice to see you again.

789
00:32:55,351 --> 00:32:56,684
- Hi, you too.
- Come on in.

790
00:32:56,686 --> 00:32:57,685
Take a seat.

791
00:32:57,687 --> 00:32:59,888
Good to see you were
not injured from that fall.

792
00:32:59,890 --> 00:33:01,722
Oh, yeah, you know what?

793
00:33:01,724 --> 00:33:03,323
I actually think
the brim of my hat

794
00:33:03,325 --> 00:33:04,893
kind of protected
my face ultimately.

795
00:33:04,895 --> 00:33:07,294
So, thank God I was
underdressed in the end, right?

796
00:33:07,296 --> 00:33:09,263
Well, as long as you're good.

797
00:33:09,265 --> 00:33:10,664
- I'm okay.
- Yeah. Great.

798
00:33:10,666 --> 00:33:11,734
Uh...

799
00:33:13,536 --> 00:33:14,969
Why am I here?

800
00:33:14,971 --> 00:33:16,570
What I'm about to
share with you

801
00:33:16,572 --> 00:33:18,706
is, obviously,
highly confidential.

802
00:33:18,708 --> 00:33:19,808
Oh, yeah.

803
00:33:19,810 --> 00:33:21,243
Keep it
on the down low.

804
00:33:22,746 --> 00:33:25,414
President Chambers will not
be seeking reelection.

805
00:33:25,716 --> 00:33:26,781
Really?

806
00:33:26,783 --> 00:33:28,449
Yes.

807
00:33:28,451 --> 00:33:32,453
That's fucking sick!
That's awesome.

808
00:33:32,455 --> 00:33:35,556
Are you telling each American
individually the good news?

809
00:33:35,558 --> 00:33:36,623
I mean, but seriously.

810
00:33:36,625 --> 00:33:37,792
Did he just realize
he sucks at it

811
00:33:37,794 --> 00:33:39,526
and decide
not to do it anymore?

812
00:33:39,528 --> 00:33:43,464
He just wants to move
into film and make movies.

813
00:33:43,466 --> 00:33:44,933
- Really?
- Yeah.

814
00:33:44,935 --> 00:33:46,835
That's cool. That's a tough
transition to make.

815
00:33:46,837 --> 00:33:49,671
Not many actors have made
the leap from TV to film.

816
00:33:49,673 --> 00:33:51,405
You got George Clooney,
you got Woody Harrelson...

817
00:33:51,407 --> 00:33:52,473
Jennifer Aniston.

818
00:33:52,475 --> 00:33:54,075
Mmm, did she though?

819
00:33:54,077 --> 00:33:55,777
You don't think Jennifer
Aniston's a movie star?

820
00:33:55,779 --> 00:33:56,845
Just 'cause
you star in movies

821
00:33:56,847 --> 00:33:57,912
doesn't mean
you're a movie star.

822
00:33:57,914 --> 00:34:00,048
The point is...

823
00:34:00,050 --> 00:34:02,853
He's going to endorse me
for president in 2020.

824
00:34:03,352 --> 00:34:04,418
Wow.

825
00:34:04,420 --> 00:34:05,754
- I know.
- Mazel tov.

826
00:34:05,756 --> 00:34:06,888
So.

827
00:34:06,890 --> 00:34:08,957
We're headed to
an environmental summit

828
00:34:08,959 --> 00:34:10,390
hosted by King Gustav

829
00:34:10,392 --> 00:34:12,026
and the Swedish Royal Family.

830
00:34:12,028 --> 00:34:14,328
At the summit,
I'll be announcing

831
00:34:14,330 --> 00:34:16,430
that the world's
three largest polluters

832
00:34:16,432 --> 00:34:17,799
have signed on
to the most comprehensive

833
00:34:17,801 --> 00:34:19,801
and exciting
environmental deal ever.

834
00:34:19,803 --> 00:34:21,069
You know,
after I have some dairy,

835
00:34:21,071 --> 00:34:22,937
I'm one of the world's
three largest polluters.

836
00:34:22,939 --> 00:34:24,105
Excuse me?

837
00:34:24,107 --> 00:34:26,508
We'll address
rising sea levels,

838
00:34:26,510 --> 00:34:28,109
combat deforestation

839
00:34:28,111 --> 00:34:30,445
and protect
the world's pollinators.

840
00:34:30,447 --> 00:34:33,548
I'm calling it the Global
Rehabilitation Initiative.

841
00:34:33,550 --> 00:34:34,816
Internally,
we're referring to it

842
00:34:34,818 --> 00:34:36,117
as "Bees, Trees and the Seas."

843
00:34:36,119 --> 00:34:37,652
Soon after that,

844
00:34:37,654 --> 00:34:39,988
I hope to announce that
100 countries have signed on.

845
00:34:39,990 --> 00:34:42,490
- Wow.
- At which point...

846
00:34:42,492 --> 00:34:44,859
I will resign
as secretary of state.

847
00:34:44,861 --> 00:34:47,862
Using this initiative
as a springboard,

848
00:34:47,864 --> 00:34:50,064
I will announce
my presidential run in 2020.

849
00:34:50,066 --> 00:34:51,668
- Cool.
- So...

850
00:34:53,570 --> 00:34:56,137
I need some writers
to punch up my speeches.

851
00:34:56,139 --> 00:34:58,473
I read your work
and I really like it.

852
00:34:58,475 --> 00:34:59,674
That's... Wow.

853
00:34:59,676 --> 00:35:01,376
You mentioned
you were between jobs.

854
00:35:01,378 --> 00:35:02,343
So it's a really good fit.

855
00:35:02,345 --> 00:35:04,913
It's so nice of you
to think of me at all,

856
00:35:04,915 --> 00:35:07,415
honestly, with everything
going on in your head.

857
00:35:07,417 --> 00:35:08,716
I look forward
to working with you.

858
00:35:08,718 --> 00:35:09,719
Thank you.

859
00:35:11,855 --> 00:35:14,724
Um... So, uh,
when do you need to know by?

860
00:35:15,992 --> 00:35:18,126
What?
I don't understand.

861
00:35:18,128 --> 00:35:20,162
When do you need to know if
I'm going to take your, uh,

862
00:35:20,164 --> 00:35:21,731
your punch-up job?

863
00:35:23,134 --> 00:35:24,599
Right now.

864
00:35:24,601 --> 00:35:27,169
Oh. Uh...
Then I guess,

865
00:35:27,171 --> 00:35:29,871
maybe... Maybe, uh, no?

866
00:35:29,873 --> 00:35:32,141
Maybe no, I don't know.
I don't know!

867
00:35:32,143 --> 00:35:33,242
You know what,
Madam Secretary,

868
00:35:33,244 --> 00:35:35,177
he's not interested.
We tried, it didn't work out.

869
00:35:35,179 --> 00:35:37,948
So I can give you
some writing samples...

870
00:35:42,953 --> 00:35:44,953
What don't you know?

871
00:35:44,955 --> 00:35:47,488
This whole Seas, Bees
and Trees thing.

872
00:35:47,490 --> 00:35:49,124
Is it actually
going to do something?

873
00:35:49,126 --> 00:35:50,792
Or is it going to be
one of those things

874
00:35:50,794 --> 00:35:52,827
that maybe only sounds like
it's gonna do something,

875
00:35:52,829 --> 00:35:54,562
but doesn't
actually do something?

876
00:35:54,564 --> 00:35:57,099
I only wanna come work for you

877
00:35:57,101 --> 00:35:58,666
if it's actually
gonna do something.

878
00:35:58,668 --> 00:35:59,969
It will do something.

879
00:35:59,971 --> 00:36:01,836
This is a perfect document.

880
00:36:01,838 --> 00:36:04,139
They all start out that way
and then they get watered down.

881
00:36:04,141 --> 00:36:05,074
Fred.

882
00:36:05,076 --> 00:36:07,542
Not only does this
initiative sound good,

883
00:36:07,544 --> 00:36:08,409
it's going to do good.

884
00:36:08,411 --> 00:36:10,778
It's gonna save
the fucking planet.

885
00:36:10,780 --> 00:36:12,948
Not to mention,
pay your rent.

886
00:36:12,950 --> 00:36:14,216
So, are you in?

887
00:36:14,218 --> 00:36:16,854
Or do you have something
more important to do?

888
00:36:17,855 --> 00:36:19,522
Than save the planet with you?

889
00:36:21,225 --> 00:36:23,859
No, I don't.
I'm in.

890
00:36:23,861 --> 00:36:25,693
Phew!

891
00:36:25,695 --> 00:36:26,964
Let's save the planet.

892
00:36:27,631 --> 00:36:28,596
That was...

893
00:36:28,598 --> 00:36:30,700
What just happened?
She's good.

894
00:36:56,260 --> 00:36:57,228
Uh, hey.

895
00:36:59,163 --> 00:37:01,163
I had some jokes, uh,
I was gonna run by you,

896
00:37:01,165 --> 00:37:02,599
maybe, if you have a second.

897
00:37:05,903 --> 00:37:08,505
What are you...
What are you looking at?

898
00:37:12,910 --> 00:37:13,976
- Jesus!
- Oh, my God!

899
00:37:13,978 --> 00:37:16,211
Why would you just barge
in here while I'm sleeping?

900
00:37:16,213 --> 00:37:17,746
- You were sleeping?
- Yes!

901
00:37:17,748 --> 00:37:19,514
I was micro napping.

902
00:37:19,516 --> 00:37:21,283
- That's what you call that?
- Yes.

903
00:37:21,285 --> 00:37:22,952
Sorry, I didn't realize
you were sleeping.

904
00:37:22,954 --> 00:37:24,520
You were standing
and your eyes were open.

905
00:37:24,522 --> 00:37:25,587
Do you need something?

906
00:37:25,589 --> 00:37:26,689
I have some jokes
that I wrote

907
00:37:26,691 --> 00:37:28,691
that I was gonna run by you
if you have a second.

908
00:37:28,693 --> 00:37:30,159
Yeah, that was actually
a really good nap.

909
00:37:30,161 --> 00:37:32,194
Great. Seemed very restful.

910
00:37:32,196 --> 00:37:33,197
Okay.

911
00:37:36,100 --> 00:37:37,032
Whoa.

912
00:37:37,034 --> 00:37:40,636
I feel like these jokes
are a little angry.

913
00:37:40,638 --> 00:37:42,938
Oh. I thought maybe
they were, like, emphatic?

914
00:37:42,940 --> 00:37:44,840
"With every
fracking drill thrust,

915
00:37:44,842 --> 00:37:47,676
"we are literally
butt-fucking Mother Earth"?

916
00:37:47,678 --> 00:37:48,844
It can be normal fucking.

917
00:37:48,846 --> 00:37:50,212
It doesn't have to be
in the butt.

918
00:37:50,214 --> 00:37:51,280
I can take that part out.

919
00:37:51,282 --> 00:37:52,848
Yeah, listen, Fred.

920
00:37:52,850 --> 00:37:54,249
If I'm angry,
I'm hysterical.

921
00:37:54,251 --> 00:37:55,851
If I'm emotional,
I'm weak.

922
00:37:55,853 --> 00:37:57,586
If I so much as
raise my voice, I'm a bitch.

923
00:37:57,588 --> 00:37:58,854
My job's hard.

924
00:37:58,856 --> 00:38:00,823
Not as hard as mine.

925
00:38:00,825 --> 00:38:02,624
I think maybe, like,
part of the problem

926
00:38:02,626 --> 00:38:04,893
is that, like, a lot of humor
is based on,

927
00:38:04,895 --> 00:38:07,029
like, personal experiences.

928
00:38:07,031 --> 00:38:07,930
I was thinking, you know,

929
00:38:07,932 --> 00:38:09,898
you cared a lot
about the environment

930
00:38:09,900 --> 00:38:11,066
- since high school.
- Mmm-hmm.

931
00:38:11,068 --> 00:38:14,803
So maybe include
some stories about that.

932
00:38:14,805 --> 00:38:16,173
- High school?
- Yeah.

933
00:38:17,742 --> 00:38:19,008
You think that's funny?

934
00:38:19,010 --> 00:38:20,109
I think it's a good area.

935
00:38:20,111 --> 00:38:22,177
Nostalgia,
pop culture references.

936
00:38:22,179 --> 00:38:23,279
People love that.

937
00:38:23,281 --> 00:38:25,114
Jimmy Fallon's made
an entire career off of that.

938
00:38:25,116 --> 00:38:27,283
When I think about school,
I just think about studying.

939
00:38:27,285 --> 00:38:28,884
No, you did
so much more than that.

940
00:38:28,886 --> 00:38:31,587
I think your whole 1991
platform was pretty on-point

941
00:38:31,589 --> 00:38:32,921
when you were running
for Student Council.

942
00:38:32,923 --> 00:38:35,758
I remember you said,
"Everyone at this school

943
00:38:35,760 --> 00:38:37,960
"pretends to care
about the underdog,

944
00:38:37,962 --> 00:38:39,129
"but the planet Earth is

945
00:38:39,131 --> 00:38:40,330
"the biggest underdog
of them all."

946
00:38:40,332 --> 00:38:41,630
Something like that.

947
00:38:41,632 --> 00:38:42,731
I said that?

948
00:38:42,733 --> 00:38:44,134
Yeah, you did say that.

949
00:38:44,136 --> 00:38:46,035
You were in the kitchen,
making pizza.

950
00:38:46,037 --> 00:38:48,837
We were making signs
for your election.

951
00:38:48,839 --> 00:38:51,074
And you were
wearing that shirt.

952
00:38:51,076 --> 00:38:53,042
I don't know if it was
a strawberry or a flower,

953
00:38:53,044 --> 00:38:54,279
it always confused me.

954
00:38:54,812 --> 00:38:55,878
It was both.

955
00:38:55,880 --> 00:38:57,813
Oh, there you go.

956
00:38:57,815 --> 00:38:59,648
That's all I remember
about that night, though.

957
00:38:59,650 --> 00:39:01,184
Uh, that's where my memories

958
00:39:01,186 --> 00:39:04,686
concerning that evening
expire.

959
00:39:04,688 --> 00:39:07,157
I learned a lot
from that election.

960
00:39:07,159 --> 00:39:08,724
Yeah, that kids are
probably more likely

961
00:39:08,726 --> 00:39:10,126
to vote for two proms

962
00:39:10,128 --> 00:39:12,628
than a very elaborate
recycling program.

963
00:39:12,630 --> 00:39:14,230
Not only kids.

964
00:39:14,232 --> 00:39:17,167
Yeah, that's true.

965
00:39:17,169 --> 00:39:21,004
Did you know he asked me out
to one of those proms?

966
00:39:21,006 --> 00:39:22,172
- Bill Sterling?
- Yeah.

967
00:39:22,174 --> 00:39:23,339
After he beat you?

968
00:39:23,341 --> 00:39:25,676
- Yup.
- Prom one or prom two?

969
00:39:27,012 --> 00:39:28,011
Oh!

970
00:39:28,013 --> 00:39:30,846
What a fuckhead!
You're way better than prom two.

971
00:39:31,950 --> 00:39:34,650
I went to zero proms,
by the way, for the record.

972
00:39:34,652 --> 00:39:36,752
I think you're the smart one
in this situation.

973
00:39:36,754 --> 00:39:38,855
Yes, that's why
I didn't go to prom.

974
00:39:38,857 --> 00:39:42,094
'Cause I was too smart. Uh...

975
00:39:44,229 --> 00:39:47,163
Cool. I'll get to work on
that speech stuff.

976
00:39:47,165 --> 00:39:48,166
Great.

977
00:39:48,699 --> 00:39:49,765
Hey, Fred.

978
00:39:49,767 --> 00:39:51,733
Yeah.

979
00:39:51,735 --> 00:39:54,037
You know, if you want to try
some non-joke stuff,

980
00:39:54,039 --> 00:39:54,971
just go ahead.

981
00:39:54,973 --> 00:39:57,974
Really? Like the main part
of the speech?

982
00:39:57,976 --> 00:40:00,011
Yeah. Just write.

983
00:40:01,213 --> 00:40:02,881
Cool. Awesome. Thanks.

984
00:40:03,448 --> 00:40:04,613
If you take another nap,

985
00:40:04,615 --> 00:40:07,016
you should put on, like,
a bicycle helmet or something.

986
00:40:07,018 --> 00:40:08,918
'Cause you're gonna tip over,
there's turbulence.

987
00:40:08,920 --> 00:40:10,687
That's actually
a really good idea.

988
00:40:10,689 --> 00:40:11,821
It is. I want you
to be careful.

989
00:40:11,823 --> 00:40:12,956
- Yeah.
- We need you.

990
00:40:29,307 --> 00:40:30,874
- Ambassador.
- Welcome to Sweden.

991
00:40:30,876 --> 00:40:32,175
Nice to see you again.

992
00:40:32,177 --> 00:40:33,178
Yeah, you too.

993
00:40:35,313 --> 00:40:36,880
I look forward to seeing you
tonight at dinner.

994
00:40:36,882 --> 00:40:37,981
Yes.

995
00:40:37,983 --> 00:40:39,349
Uh, Madam Secretary,

996
00:40:39,351 --> 00:40:40,717
I have some ideas
I wanna throw by you.

997
00:40:40,719 --> 00:40:41,918
Yeah, soon, Fred.

998
00:40:41,920 --> 00:40:43,153
Tom, do you have the schedule?

999
00:40:43,155 --> 00:40:44,856
- Yes, of course, ma'am.
- All right.

1000
00:40:47,926 --> 00:40:49,127
In the back, Flarsky!

1001
00:40:50,795 --> 00:40:52,195
Then at 8:15, you have
a fitting for tonight's gala.

1002
00:40:52,197 --> 00:40:55,131
Then at 8:45, a call with
Iraqi Prime Minister Masum,

1003
00:40:55,133 --> 00:40:57,200
9:15, a call
to Brazilian President Temer

1004
00:40:57,202 --> 00:40:58,368
about deforestation issues.

1005
00:40:58,370 --> 00:41:01,771
2:15, you have a call with
U.K. Foreign Secretary Green

1006
00:41:01,773 --> 00:41:03,973
to discuss your tour
of Scotland in a few weeks.

1007
00:41:03,975 --> 00:41:06,142
2:25, then you have
a call with New York Times

1008
00:41:06,144 --> 00:41:08,378
to comment on POTUS'
latest Instagram attack

1009
00:41:08,380 --> 00:41:10,747
on Prime Minister Bharath
of Kashtar.

1010
00:41:10,749 --> 00:41:11,814
At 5:45,
we're meeting with the head

1011
00:41:11,816 --> 00:41:12,882
of Sweden's
Diplomatic Protocol,

1012
00:41:12,884 --> 00:41:15,818
Ingrid Minervudottir,
to discuss tonight's schedule.

1013
00:41:15,820 --> 00:41:17,120
Okay. And then after that?

1014
00:41:17,122 --> 00:41:18,422
Also, Parker Wembley
keeps trying to get

1015
00:41:18,424 --> 00:41:19,923
- some face time with you.
- Oh, God.

1016
00:41:19,925 --> 00:41:22,158
Parker can wait.
Okay, Fred. Go.

1017
00:41:22,160 --> 00:41:23,462
Yeah, sure. Um...

1018
00:41:24,129 --> 00:41:26,262
So, uh, you know,

1019
00:41:26,264 --> 00:41:28,097
based on what we were
talking about last night,

1020
00:41:28,099 --> 00:41:30,967
I just took a stab at
the whole speech, basically.

1021
00:41:30,969 --> 00:41:32,902
That's good.

1022
00:41:32,904 --> 00:41:35,472
- Thank you.
- This part isn't.

1023
00:41:35,474 --> 00:41:38,041
Okay, well, you said you
didn't want to sound too angry.

1024
00:41:38,043 --> 00:41:40,477
I also don't want to sound
like I have a head injury.

1025
00:41:40,479 --> 00:41:42,178
Okay. Uh,
I'll go change it.

1026
00:41:42,180 --> 00:41:43,547
Great. Thanks.

1027
00:41:43,549 --> 00:41:45,782
Okay, here we go.

1028
00:41:45,784 --> 00:41:47,183
So...

1029
00:41:47,185 --> 00:41:48,787
All right.

1030
00:41:49,854 --> 00:41:50,954
Fred.

1031
00:41:50,956 --> 00:41:52,389
Yeah?

1032
00:41:52,391 --> 00:41:54,926
Do you have any grown-up
clothes to wear tonight?

1033
00:41:59,030 --> 00:42:00,029
I was gonna...
I was thinking

1034
00:42:00,031 --> 00:42:02,299
of zipping this up
all the way, like to here.

1035
00:42:02,301 --> 00:42:03,234
That's kind of
a little more...

1036
00:42:03,236 --> 00:42:04,867
It's, like,
slightly more buttoned up.

1037
00:42:04,869 --> 00:42:05,902
You know what,
Madam Secretary,

1038
00:42:05,904 --> 00:42:09,939
I would be delighted
to dress Fred for tonight.

1039
00:42:09,941 --> 00:42:11,208
Thank you, Maggie.
I'd be thrilled

1040
00:42:11,210 --> 00:42:13,444
to have you dress me
for tonight's event.

1041
00:42:13,446 --> 00:42:14,545
What a fun adventure.

1042
00:42:14,547 --> 00:42:16,879
Get a little makeover.
All right, have a good one.

1043
00:42:16,881 --> 00:42:18,082
Thank you, Fred.

1044
00:42:18,084 --> 00:42:18,982
Why, thank you.

1045
00:42:18,984 --> 00:42:20,284
...and then
it's saying hello,

1046
00:42:20,286 --> 00:42:21,418
you'll sit down,
we'll have dinner,

1047
00:42:21,420 --> 00:42:22,819
- I'll pull you up...
- Where's Flarsky?

1048
00:42:22,821 --> 00:42:23,920
Why are we waiting?

1049
00:42:23,922 --> 00:42:25,522
What, is he doing his hair?

1050
00:42:25,524 --> 00:42:27,126
Um...

1051
00:42:27,526 --> 00:42:29,293
Oh.

1052
00:42:29,295 --> 00:42:31,930
What the...

1053
00:42:36,102 --> 00:42:37,401
What the fuck
are you wearing?

1054
00:42:37,403 --> 00:42:39,436
She bought me
this shit. Okay?

1055
00:42:39,438 --> 00:42:41,238
It's a traditional
Swedish suit.

1056
00:42:41,240 --> 00:42:44,041
I don't see another
fucking Swede up in here

1057
00:42:44,043 --> 00:42:45,342
dressed like this.

1058
00:42:45,344 --> 00:42:47,544
It's all I could do
on such short notice.

1059
00:42:47,546 --> 00:42:50,214
You just take the jacket off,
it's going to make it better.

1060
00:42:50,216 --> 00:42:53,785
It's just... Make it look...
Oh, my God.

1061
00:42:56,389 --> 00:42:58,222
Better with
the jacket on? Great.

1062
00:42:58,224 --> 00:43:00,224
Razzing the new guy, I get it.
Fuck you, Maggie.

1063
00:43:00,226 --> 00:43:01,358
Calm the Smurf down.

1064
00:43:01,360 --> 00:43:02,428
Bring a fucking suit
next time.

1065
00:43:08,434 --> 00:43:09,500
Do you like the speech?

1066
00:43:09,502 --> 00:43:10,668
Yes, the speech is good.

1067
00:43:10,670 --> 00:43:13,170
Oh, you're going to have to
stay way back there, Fred.

1068
00:43:13,172 --> 00:43:14,938
Just stay back, Flarsky.
Okay? She's got to focus.

1069
00:43:14,940 --> 00:43:16,006
On what?

1070
00:43:16,008 --> 00:43:17,207
Getting India and China
to agree

1071
00:43:17,209 --> 00:43:18,275
to be a part
of this initiative.

1072
00:43:18,277 --> 00:43:20,611
They haven't even agreed
to be a part of it yet?

1073
00:43:20,613 --> 00:43:23,047
They will, we just have to
sort out a few details.

1074
00:43:23,049 --> 00:43:24,148
We just wrote
a whole speech

1075
00:43:24,150 --> 00:43:25,316
about how
they're on-board already.

1076
00:43:25,318 --> 00:43:26,519
Don't worry, Fred.

1077
00:43:27,520 --> 00:43:29,286
You just stay here
and make sure

1078
00:43:29,288 --> 00:43:32,489
nobody from Candy Land
needs their car parked, okay?

1079
00:43:32,491 --> 00:43:33,891
I don't know
why you needed a writer.

1080
00:43:33,893 --> 00:43:35,059
Those are sick burns.

1081
00:43:36,462 --> 00:43:38,962
Secretary of State
Charlotte Field

1082
00:43:38,964 --> 00:43:41,000
of the United States
of America.

1083
00:43:43,369 --> 00:43:45,235
Your Majesty.
Your Highness.

1084
00:43:45,237 --> 00:43:46,572
- Your Highness.
- Pleasure.

1085
00:43:52,545 --> 00:43:54,013
Oh.

1086
00:43:56,248 --> 00:43:58,616
No, thank you.
I'm working right now.

1087
00:43:58,618 --> 00:44:00,252
And you know you are, too.

1088
00:44:01,655 --> 00:44:02,787
I do know that.

1089
00:44:02,789 --> 00:44:05,189
But you dressed me like
Cap'n Crunch's Grindr date,

1090
00:44:05,191 --> 00:44:07,492
so I'm going to drink
to make you uncomfortable.

1091
00:44:07,494 --> 00:44:10,196
Honestly, Fred, your entire
life makes me uncomfortable.

1092
00:44:13,099 --> 00:44:14,532
Oh no, fuck me.

1093
00:44:17,036 --> 00:44:18,670
Yes.

1094
00:44:18,672 --> 00:44:22,272
We both shop in the same
mystical village, I see.

1095
00:44:22,274 --> 00:44:24,676
Yes, you look great.

1096
00:44:24,678 --> 00:44:26,043
- Congratulations.
- Skal.

1097
00:44:26,045 --> 00:44:27,612
Skal. Skal to you, too.

1098
00:44:27,614 --> 00:44:30,517
Yes.

1099
00:44:32,619 --> 00:44:33,620
Jesus.

1100
00:44:36,222 --> 00:44:39,223
Hey, we're making
a few revisions to the speech.

1101
00:44:39,225 --> 00:44:40,224
What?

1102
00:44:40,226 --> 00:44:42,394
So we're losing the "Seas" part,
so go cut that,

1103
00:44:42,396 --> 00:44:44,362
and then brainstorm
a couple of other funny lines

1104
00:44:44,364 --> 00:44:45,463
for the "Trees" section, okay?

1105
00:44:45,465 --> 00:44:46,698
Wait, wait, wait, wait.

1106
00:44:46,700 --> 00:44:49,367
Losing the Seas part, why?

1107
00:44:49,369 --> 00:44:50,769
Because India wouldn't go
for it. So we had to pivot.

1108
00:44:50,771 --> 00:44:53,538
That's not a pivot,
that's a third of the whole fucking shit.

1109
00:44:53,540 --> 00:44:56,006
Are you kidding me?
That's it, it's just gone?

1110
00:44:56,008 --> 00:44:57,107
Yeah, it's gone.

1111
00:44:57,109 --> 00:44:58,075
And there's nothing
we can do?

1112
00:44:58,077 --> 00:44:59,176
No. And you don't
have to worry about it.

1113
00:44:59,178 --> 00:45:03,214
Just go over to the computer.
Start typey-typing.

1114
00:45:03,216 --> 00:45:04,217
Well, no.

1115
00:45:05,218 --> 00:45:06,718
I'm not gonna do that.

1116
00:45:06,720 --> 00:45:08,620
So you quit,
resignation accepted.

1117
00:45:08,622 --> 00:45:10,188
I will rewrite the speech.

1118
00:45:10,190 --> 00:45:11,289
Oh, the fuck you will!

1119
00:45:11,291 --> 00:45:12,392
What the fuck?

1120
00:45:22,202 --> 00:45:23,637
- You don't...
- Let go!

1121
00:45:31,711 --> 00:45:32,811
Look out. Excuse me!

1122
00:45:32,813 --> 00:45:34,512
Stop running!
Stop running! Stop running!

1123
00:45:34,514 --> 00:45:35,613
Fred, stop running!

1124
00:45:38,285 --> 00:45:39,286
Fred...

1125
00:45:44,357 --> 00:45:45,423
Why did you do that?

1126
00:45:45,425 --> 00:45:47,358
Because I will not
have you damage

1127
00:45:47,360 --> 00:45:48,693
the integrity of my writing!

1128
00:45:48,695 --> 00:45:50,695
The integrity of your writing?

1129
00:45:50,697 --> 00:45:53,231
You're a punch-up writer,
you're not Maya Angelou!

1130
00:45:53,233 --> 00:45:54,732
What is going on?

1131
00:45:54,734 --> 00:45:56,434
What's going on
with you, bruh?

1132
00:45:56,436 --> 00:45:57,469
Did you just
call me "bruh"?

1133
00:45:57,471 --> 00:46:00,238
- She's the secretary of state.
- Is he high?

1134
00:46:00,240 --> 00:46:02,440
He is wasted,
but he's also just stupid.

1135
00:46:02,442 --> 00:46:04,110
Meet me in the conference
room, I'll handle this.

1136
00:46:06,813 --> 00:46:08,346
What's the deal, Fred?

1137
00:46:08,348 --> 00:46:11,149
What's the deal?
What's the deal? What are...

1138
00:46:11,151 --> 00:46:13,117
The only reason I'm here
is 'cause you told me

1139
00:46:13,119 --> 00:46:14,419
you cared about this shit,

1140
00:46:14,421 --> 00:46:16,688
and in the time I come
out here to have a smoke,

1141
00:46:16,690 --> 00:46:19,524
you fucking got rid of a massive
element of the whole thing.

1142
00:46:19,526 --> 00:46:22,828
I got two out of three.
I only lost one.

1143
00:46:22,830 --> 00:46:26,064
That one was the seas.

1144
00:46:26,066 --> 00:46:28,500
It covers 75% of the planet!

1145
00:46:28,502 --> 00:46:30,435
- It's a pretty big one!
- Bring down your voice.

1146
00:46:30,437 --> 00:46:31,536
You know why I'm upset?

1147
00:46:31,538 --> 00:46:33,638
This is exactly what I thought
was going to happen.

1148
00:46:33,640 --> 00:46:35,774
And I even said it.
I said it in your office.

1149
00:46:35,776 --> 00:46:38,543
I don't want to write
for some bullshit politician.

1150
00:46:38,545 --> 00:46:39,812
I wanted to write for you.

1151
00:46:39,814 --> 00:46:41,546
Because I thought you cared
about this shit.

1152
00:46:41,548 --> 00:46:44,349
Until you're running the game,
you have to play the game.

1153
00:46:44,351 --> 00:46:46,284
Well, then, by the time
you win the game,

1154
00:46:46,286 --> 00:46:49,420
you don't know who's scoring
touchdowns on whose nets,

1155
00:46:49,422 --> 00:46:51,289
and you don't know
who's hitting home runs

1156
00:46:51,291 --> 00:46:52,758
in whose fucking end zones!

1157
00:46:52,760 --> 00:46:54,325
- What are you talking about?
- I don't know sports.

1158
00:46:54,327 --> 00:46:55,560
Let me try it with food.

1159
00:46:55,562 --> 00:46:57,830
You wanna open a restaurant.
But all you got is chopsticks.

1160
00:46:57,832 --> 00:47:00,532
No! I don't have time
for this, okay?

1161
00:47:00,534 --> 00:47:03,234
If you want to quit,
then just fucking quit.

1162
00:47:03,236 --> 00:47:05,103
- I don't give a shit.
- Yeah, you don't give a shit.

1163
00:47:05,105 --> 00:47:06,137
- No, I don't.
- You used to fucking give a shit,

1164
00:47:06,139 --> 00:47:08,373
but now you don't
give a shit about anything.

1165
00:47:08,375 --> 00:47:10,108
You cared more about
recycling in high school

1166
00:47:10,110 --> 00:47:12,212
than you do this shit and it's
very disappointing to me.

1167
00:47:13,413 --> 00:47:15,714
Fuck this.
I've got a speech to give.

1168
00:47:15,716 --> 00:47:16,882
Oh, yeah, good luck
giving it,

1169
00:47:16,884 --> 00:47:18,216
it's on my computer
in the snow.

1170
00:47:18,218 --> 00:47:19,718
I have copies, you idiot.

1171
00:47:19,720 --> 00:47:22,088
You just threw your computer
in the snow, that's it.

1172
00:47:23,189 --> 00:47:25,458
Oh, no! Shit!

1173
00:47:26,627 --> 00:47:28,694
Oh, God damn it!

1174
00:47:28,696 --> 00:47:31,429
It's soaked!
I need a bowl of rice!

1175
00:47:31,431 --> 00:47:33,166
I need a big bowl of rice!

1176
00:47:34,502 --> 00:47:37,736
God damn it! Why didn't I
back this thing up?

1177
00:47:37,738 --> 00:47:39,306
All my shit's on here.

1178
00:47:49,650 --> 00:47:51,151
Fred. Look.

1179
00:47:54,855 --> 00:47:56,057
Wow.

1180
00:47:59,927 --> 00:48:02,095
I've never seen
anything like that.

1181
00:48:04,465 --> 00:48:05,466
No, I...

1182
00:48:06,400 --> 00:48:08,436
I've seen pictures of it,
but I never...

1183
00:48:09,637 --> 00:48:10,638
...actually...

1184
00:48:12,573 --> 00:48:14,675
I never saw it.

1185
00:48:15,643 --> 00:48:17,278
Are you crying right now?

1186
00:48:18,211 --> 00:48:19,212
It's pretty.

1187
00:48:23,718 --> 00:48:24,719
Yeah.

1188
00:48:27,288 --> 00:48:28,289
Fred?

1189
00:48:28,723 --> 00:48:29,724
Yeah?

1190
00:48:31,225 --> 00:48:33,459
If you ever pull
some shit like that again,

1191
00:48:33,461 --> 00:48:34,795
I'll have you thrown in Gitmo.

1192
00:48:37,298 --> 00:48:39,166
Yes, Madam Secretary.
I'm sorry.

1193
00:48:40,901 --> 00:48:43,404
You better hope this fucking
speech goes over well.

1194
00:48:46,207 --> 00:48:50,409
I've often gravitated
toward the underdog.

1195
00:48:50,411 --> 00:48:54,847
The band of misfits who fight
back against the bullies.

1196
00:48:54,849 --> 00:48:57,718
In high school, I would talk
about the underdog a lot.

1197
00:48:59,453 --> 00:49:02,254
And I would often find myself
on a soapbox,

1198
00:49:02,256 --> 00:49:05,660
rambling on and on about
the injustices of the world.

1199
00:49:08,729 --> 00:49:11,296
Which makes you
extremely popular,

1200
00:49:11,298 --> 00:49:13,799
especially when everybody
would rather be watching

1201
00:49:13,801 --> 00:49:15,868
Beverly Hills, 90210.

1202
00:49:19,907 --> 00:49:22,574
But that is why I am happy
to announce

1203
00:49:22,576 --> 00:49:25,844
an initiative that would make
my 16-year-old self proud.

1204
00:49:25,846 --> 00:49:28,347
In what is now being dubbed
"The Underdog Speech,"

1205
00:49:28,349 --> 00:49:30,616
the secretary of state
opened up about her childhood

1206
00:49:30,618 --> 00:49:31,918
and passion
for the environment

1207
00:49:31,920 --> 00:49:34,520
by announcing
a bold new initiative...

1208
00:49:34,522 --> 00:49:37,623
...turns out she has always
been an Andrea Zuckerman

1209
00:49:37,625 --> 00:49:39,794
in the body of a Kelly Taylor.

1210
00:49:41,662 --> 00:49:43,464
- Hey.
- Hi.

1211
00:49:44,632 --> 00:49:46,331
Oh, wow, you shaved your neck.

1212
00:49:46,333 --> 00:49:47,599
I did. I cleaned it up.

1213
00:49:47,601 --> 00:49:49,803
Got my whole back.
Went all the way down.

1214
00:49:49,805 --> 00:49:50,970
Looks good.

1215
00:49:50,972 --> 00:49:52,806
Trying to make a good
impression, I guess, anyway...

1216
00:49:52,808 --> 00:49:54,874
I, uh...

1217
00:49:54,876 --> 00:49:58,377
I just wanted to apologize
to you, again,

1218
00:49:58,379 --> 00:50:01,714
for acting a little crazy,
you know.

1219
00:50:01,716 --> 00:50:03,382
I'm gonna...

1220
00:50:03,384 --> 00:50:04,616
I'm going to really try
to tone it down

1221
00:50:04,618 --> 00:50:08,289
and not, you know, make you
risk global, uh, humiliation.

1222
00:50:08,656 --> 00:50:09,758
Good. Great.

1223
00:50:10,391 --> 00:50:11,523
Also.

1224
00:50:11,525 --> 00:50:13,059
I googled speech writing

1225
00:50:13,061 --> 00:50:14,861
and it was
actually very informative.

1226
00:50:14,863 --> 00:50:15,829
What I learned

1227
00:50:15,831 --> 00:50:17,130
was that in order to write
better for you,

1228
00:50:17,132 --> 00:50:20,566
I should kinda get to know you
better and get in your head,

1229
00:50:20,568 --> 00:50:21,701
and everything
I already know about you,

1230
00:50:21,703 --> 00:50:22,902
I kinda used
on the first speech.

1231
00:50:22,904 --> 00:50:24,369
So, what I did

1232
00:50:24,371 --> 00:50:25,772
was I wrote a ton of questions

1233
00:50:25,774 --> 00:50:27,539
that will maybe help me
capture your voice,

1234
00:50:27,541 --> 00:50:28,842
if you have a minute.

1235
00:50:28,844 --> 00:50:30,710
I actually have seven.

1236
00:50:30,712 --> 00:50:32,879
Seven. Okay, great.
Yeah. I'll take it.

1237
00:50:32,881 --> 00:50:34,379
- All right.
- Seven minutes in heaven.

1238
00:50:34,381 --> 00:50:35,715
Um...

1239
00:50:35,717 --> 00:50:37,684
- Okay.
- So. Ah... I guess...

1240
00:50:37,686 --> 00:50:38,852
Just like...
What are you into?

1241
00:50:38,854 --> 00:50:40,053
What kind of shit you into?

1242
00:50:40,055 --> 00:50:41,921
Well, this is
pretty much it.

1243
00:50:41,923 --> 00:50:43,723
I mean,
secretary of state stuff.

1244
00:50:43,725 --> 00:50:46,025
Do you have any hobbies?
Anything? Do you watch TV?

1245
00:50:46,027 --> 00:50:47,660
Do you watch Game of Thrones
or anything like that?

1246
00:50:47,662 --> 00:50:49,361
Oh, I'm fully aware
of what happened

1247
00:50:49,363 --> 00:50:50,864
in every season
of Game of Thrones.

1248
00:50:50,866 --> 00:50:52,699
Because you watch it?

1249
00:50:52,701 --> 00:50:54,834
Because I read synopses
on every episode.

1250
00:50:54,836 --> 00:50:56,503
That can't actually work.

1251
00:50:56,505 --> 00:50:58,403
I couldn't believe
when Khaleesi's dragon

1252
00:50:58,405 --> 00:50:59,775
came back as a White Walker.

1253
00:51:00,442 --> 00:51:01,741
Whoa!

1254
00:51:01,743 --> 00:51:02,842
- See?
- What about movies?

1255
00:51:02,844 --> 00:51:04,110
Do you watch movies?

1256
00:51:04,112 --> 00:51:06,378
Synopses of all
the award contenders.

1257
00:51:06,380 --> 00:51:07,714
You used to love movies!

1258
00:51:07,716 --> 00:51:09,816
You made me watch
Encino Man 30 times.

1259
00:51:09,818 --> 00:51:12,452
"Wheeze a little juice!"

1260
00:51:12,454 --> 00:51:14,521
You still do the
worst Pauly Shore impression

1261
00:51:14,523 --> 00:51:16,356
in the history of mankind.

1262
00:51:16,358 --> 00:51:18,792
I can't believe you're
still doing "The Weasel"

1263
00:51:18,794 --> 00:51:20,426
and you haven't seen
any of the Marvel Universe.

1264
00:51:20,428 --> 00:51:23,365
Those movies are sick.
You're like frozen in time.

1265
00:51:23,965 --> 00:51:25,632
I am Encino Man.

1266
00:51:26,635 --> 00:51:29,469
All right, what is your
favorite book as a kid?

1267
00:51:29,471 --> 00:51:31,504
The Velveteen Rabbit. You?

1268
00:51:31,506 --> 00:51:32,839
Fear and Loathing
in Las Vegas.

1269
00:51:32,841 --> 00:51:35,008
- Oh, that explains a lot.
- Yeah.

1270
00:51:36,912 --> 00:51:39,412
I'm so sorry
for what we've done to you.

1271
00:51:39,414 --> 00:51:40,980
Best drug experience?

1272
00:51:40,982 --> 00:51:42,916
I could get summoned
at any moment

1273
00:51:42,918 --> 00:51:44,417
to deal with
an international crisis,

1274
00:51:44,419 --> 00:51:45,752
I can't do that on acid.

1275
00:51:45,754 --> 00:51:47,020
What about Molly?

1276
00:51:47,022 --> 00:51:48,154
Who's Molly?

1277
00:51:49,758 --> 00:51:51,457
Secretary of State
Charlotte Field

1278
00:51:51,459 --> 00:51:54,561
continues on her impressive
20-country world tour

1279
00:51:54,563 --> 00:51:55,962
to garner more support

1280
00:51:55,964 --> 00:51:57,697
for her ambitious
environmental initiative.

1281
00:51:57,699 --> 00:51:59,532
And all in a private jet,
no less.

1282
00:51:59,534 --> 00:52:01,034
You know what would
save the environment?

1283
00:52:01,036 --> 00:52:02,836
Charlotte Field
grounding her ass.

1284
00:52:02,838 --> 00:52:04,437
I know where I'd like
to ground her ass.

1285
00:52:04,439 --> 00:52:06,773
Oh, I walked
right into that one.

1286
00:52:06,775 --> 00:52:08,975
Must Have Been Love
by Roxette.

1287
00:52:08,977 --> 00:52:11,511
- Oh! That's just fucking hot.
- Right?

1288
00:52:11,513 --> 00:52:12,979
- I got a new one.
- What?

1289
00:52:12,981 --> 00:52:14,414
I got to change
my favorite song.

1290
00:52:14,416 --> 00:52:16,049
- You have too many.
- I've done it a few times.

1291
00:52:16,051 --> 00:52:19,086
Broccoli by DRAM,
featuring Lil Yachty.

1292
00:52:19,088 --> 00:52:20,653
All those words

1293
00:52:20,655 --> 00:52:22,555
- are the name of a song?
- Yeah.

1294
00:52:22,557 --> 00:52:23,556
I don't
really think I have one.

1295
00:52:23,558 --> 00:52:25,825
You gotta have one.
Everyone has one.

1296
00:52:25,827 --> 00:52:27,794
Well, I don't embarrass
that easily.

1297
00:52:27,796 --> 00:52:29,696
Yeah, I hear that.
I don't either, really.

1298
00:52:29,698 --> 00:52:31,798
- Yes, you do.
- No, I don't!

1299
00:52:31,800 --> 00:52:34,734
Oh, my God. Okay.

1300
00:52:34,736 --> 00:52:36,973
What's your favorite
sexual position?

1301
00:52:38,640 --> 00:52:40,807
I mean, you know, front.

1302
00:52:40,809 --> 00:52:42,508
- Normal. Front facing normal.
- Oh, my God.

1303
00:52:42,510 --> 00:52:44,078
- What kinda question is that?
- That's all it took.

1304
00:52:44,080 --> 00:52:45,045
Look at you.

1305
00:52:45,047 --> 00:52:47,147
Well, what's your favorite
sexual position?

1306
00:52:47,149 --> 00:52:49,183
- Don't be gross, Fred. Hi.
- Yeah, see?

1307
00:52:49,185 --> 00:52:51,386
What's your favorite
sexual position?

1308
00:52:52,088 --> 00:52:53,890
It's too complicated
to explain.

1309
00:52:55,057 --> 00:52:56,825
- Really?
- I told you mine.

1310
00:52:57,525 --> 00:52:59,525
Oh, God, okay.

1311
00:52:59,527 --> 00:53:01,996
I just got back
from a trip to New Delhi.

1312
00:53:01,998 --> 00:53:03,964
- Yeah?
- I got called into a meeting

1313
00:53:03,966 --> 00:53:06,566
with the Joint Chiefs,
and I was a little nervous.

1314
00:53:06,568 --> 00:53:08,701
- Yeah.
- Yeah.

1315
00:53:08,703 --> 00:53:12,739
And my stomach was a little
weird from all the curry.

1316
00:53:12,741 --> 00:53:13,809
Oh, no.

1317
00:53:14,509 --> 00:53:15,477
Delhi belly.

1318
00:53:17,747 --> 00:53:21,714
Well, we were in a motorcade
and we couldn't stop.

1319
00:53:21,716 --> 00:53:23,052
- Oh, no.
- Mmm-hmm.

1320
00:53:23,853 --> 00:53:25,119
God...

1321
00:53:25,121 --> 00:53:29,123
I ruined a really nice
Dolce & Gabbana bag.

1322
00:53:29,125 --> 00:53:31,557
- You puked in it?
- Nope.

1323
00:53:31,559 --> 00:53:34,762
Oh, no!
In a moving vehicle?

1324
00:53:37,599 --> 00:53:39,833
Do you actually understand
what's happening right now?

1325
00:53:39,835 --> 00:53:42,236
Yes, I speak Russian.

1326
00:53:42,238 --> 00:53:44,705
The Russian
Samuel L. Jackson guy is dope.

1327
00:53:44,707 --> 00:53:47,076
Do svidanya,
motherfuckers!

1328
00:53:51,580 --> 00:53:53,914
Oh, my God, they just
shot the pirate guy!

1329
00:53:53,916 --> 00:53:55,149
But he's keeping
the team together.

1330
00:53:55,151 --> 00:53:56,216
I know.

1331
00:53:56,218 --> 00:53:57,618
I don't think
I can handle that.

1332
00:53:57,620 --> 00:53:58,686
- Oh, it's okay.
- No,

1333
00:53:58,688 --> 00:54:00,821
I really liked him
in the movie.

1334
00:54:00,823 --> 00:54:02,089
Don't worry,
just keep watching.

1335
00:54:02,091 --> 00:54:04,825
You know,
the Philippines gets a bad rap.

1336
00:54:04,827 --> 00:54:06,660
Because it's pretty nice here.

1337
00:54:06,662 --> 00:54:09,063
You'd never know civil war
was about to break out.

1338
00:54:09,065 --> 00:54:10,531
This is good.

1339
00:54:10,533 --> 00:54:11,699
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.

1340
00:54:11,701 --> 00:54:16,737
Hey. What if we use
this line to start with?

1341
00:54:16,739 --> 00:54:18,005
Yeah, "I'm going to
start this speech

1342
00:54:18,007 --> 00:54:19,606
"by saying the same thing
I said to my boss

1343
00:54:19,608 --> 00:54:22,076
"at Blockbuster Video
when I was 16.

1344
00:54:22,078 --> 00:54:23,277
"I quit."

1345
00:54:23,279 --> 00:54:25,713
- That's not bad.
- I love that.

1346
00:54:25,715 --> 00:54:27,681
This is really fucking good.

1347
00:54:27,683 --> 00:54:29,850
Look at you, you get me, Fred.

1348
00:54:29,852 --> 00:54:32,052
I totally get you.

1349
00:54:32,054 --> 00:54:33,887
♪ All I want for my birthday

1350
00:54:33,889 --> 00:54:35,723
♪ Is a big booty ho

1351
00:54:35,725 --> 00:54:37,191
♪ All I want
for my birthday... ♪

1352
00:54:37,193 --> 00:54:38,926
I couldn't be happier
that out of all the shit

1353
00:54:38,928 --> 00:54:40,728
I played you
from the last decade,

1354
00:54:40,730 --> 00:54:42,296
that what you've liked
the most is 2 Chainz.

1355
00:54:42,298 --> 00:54:44,698
- It's catchy.
- It's awesome.

1356
00:54:49,306 --> 00:54:52,174
So, are you, like, dating
the prime minister of Canada?

1357
00:54:54,677 --> 00:54:56,210
- No. No.
- No.

1358
00:54:56,212 --> 00:54:58,012
I feel like I read...
Did I read that

1359
00:54:58,014 --> 00:54:59,980
in some shitty tabloid
that you guys were dating?

1360
00:54:59,982 --> 00:55:02,816
- Maybe it's not true.
- No, I'm sure you did. It's...

1361
00:55:02,818 --> 00:55:05,652
They like to write about it,
but no. I...

1362
00:55:05,654 --> 00:55:08,655
We're not, we... We flirt.

1363
00:55:08,657 --> 00:55:10,057
- Yeah. Okay.
- Kind of.

1364
00:55:10,059 --> 00:55:12,762
It's weird.
We made out once.

1365
00:55:13,629 --> 00:55:14,697
Dope.

1366
00:55:15,031 --> 00:55:16,231
You asked.

1367
00:55:16,233 --> 00:55:18,299
No, hey! I've hooked up with

1368
00:55:18,301 --> 00:55:20,734
my fair share
of world leaders, too.

1369
00:55:20,736 --> 00:55:22,805
I 69'd Fidel Castro once.

1370
00:55:23,739 --> 00:55:25,007
You thought
his beard was big.

1371
00:55:25,741 --> 00:55:26,807
Um...

1372
00:55:26,809 --> 00:55:29,843
But how does that work
with you? Do you, like...

1373
00:55:29,845 --> 00:55:31,779
Do you, like, date?

1374
00:55:31,781 --> 00:55:35,584
Uh... Yeah. I date.

1375
00:55:36,286 --> 00:55:38,219
Generally, you know,

1376
00:55:38,221 --> 00:55:40,754
with people who have
similar lifestyles to me.

1377
00:55:40,756 --> 00:55:42,259
People who travel a lot.

1378
00:55:44,194 --> 00:55:47,863
It's hard to keep
those things alive. I...

1379
00:55:49,199 --> 00:55:51,632
I mean, who wants to
follow me around the world

1380
00:55:51,634 --> 00:55:53,970
and hope I have five minutes
to be affectionate?

1381
00:55:54,870 --> 00:55:56,237
- Yeah.
- And honestly,

1382
00:55:56,239 --> 00:55:58,006
guys don't really
want to date women

1383
00:55:58,008 --> 00:55:59,307
who are more powerful
than them.

1384
00:55:59,309 --> 00:56:00,910
They think they do, but...

1385
00:56:02,179 --> 00:56:04,012
It's a dick shriveller.

1386
00:56:04,014 --> 00:56:06,114
- Uff.
- Mmm-hmm.

1387
00:56:06,116 --> 00:56:08,349
Dick Shriveller is my favorite
Batman villain though.

1388
00:56:08,351 --> 00:56:10,053
So...

1389
00:56:11,754 --> 00:56:13,687
You gonna ask
why I'm still single?

1390
00:56:13,689 --> 00:56:16,191
No, I get it.

1391
00:56:16,193 --> 00:56:18,295
- It makes sense.
- Yeah. It adds up.

1392
00:56:28,038 --> 00:56:29,170
We're right in front
of the window.

1393
00:56:31,174 --> 00:56:32,774
What the fuck is happening?

1394
00:56:32,776 --> 00:56:34,409
Insurgents are fighting
the army.

1395
00:56:34,411 --> 00:56:36,311
- Are we in danger?
- Yes! Yes!

1396
00:56:36,313 --> 00:56:37,979
Madam Secretary,
we need to leave now!

1397
00:56:37,981 --> 00:56:39,314
Fuck!

1398
00:56:39,316 --> 00:56:40,683
This way!

1399
00:56:42,052 --> 00:56:44,052
All right, guys, come with me.

1400
00:56:44,054 --> 00:56:45,654
Come on.

1401
00:57:10,013 --> 00:57:11,146
Secretary Field, this way!

1402
00:57:11,148 --> 00:57:13,116
I got her, secure them!

1403
00:57:14,117 --> 00:57:15,185
This way.

1404
00:57:18,722 --> 00:57:19,890
You'll be safe in here.

1405
00:57:21,191 --> 00:57:23,224
Oh, fuck! Are you okay?

1406
00:57:23,226 --> 00:57:24,225
Yeah, I'm okay. Are you okay?

1407
00:57:24,227 --> 00:57:26,227
I'm okay. Yeah.
We're okay. Okay.

1408
00:57:26,229 --> 00:57:30,231
- Okay.
- Okay. Okay. Holy shit!

1409
00:57:30,233 --> 00:57:33,468
Oh,
we could have just died.

1410
00:57:33,470 --> 00:57:36,271
Oh, my God, I'm freaking out
a bit right now.

1411
00:57:36,273 --> 00:57:37,338
I'm having a hard time

1412
00:57:37,340 --> 00:57:38,474
catching my breath
a little bit.

1413
00:57:38,476 --> 00:57:39,542
You don't seem like you're
freaking out very much.

1414
00:57:39,544 --> 00:57:42,877
I am! I'm employing
a Navy SEAL breathing technique,

1415
00:57:42,879 --> 00:57:44,145
for dealing with panicking.

1416
00:57:44,147 --> 00:57:46,381
It's just gonna take about
90 seconds to work.

1417
00:57:46,383 --> 00:57:49,350
90 seconds? I need more than
fucking 90 seconds!

1418
00:57:49,352 --> 00:57:51,085
I need 90 fucking years!

1419
00:57:51,087 --> 00:57:53,788
I'm fucked up for life
from this shit, yo!

1420
00:57:53,790 --> 00:57:56,525
I have so many regrets,
did so many terrible things!

1421
00:57:56,527 --> 00:57:59,961
When I was 12, I peed on a dog
to impress an older kid.

1422
00:57:59,963 --> 00:58:02,265
The dog didn't like it.
The older kid didn't either!

1423
00:58:03,133 --> 00:58:04,199
It was just pointless.

1424
00:58:04,201 --> 00:58:05,967
What the fuck?

1425
00:58:05,969 --> 00:58:08,038
Holy shit! Fuck!

1426
00:58:09,139 --> 00:58:11,340
Is there more? Is there
gonna be more?

1427
00:58:11,342 --> 00:58:12,541
- Fred.
- Is there more?

1428
00:58:12,543 --> 00:58:13,942
You're gonna
have to calm down.

1429
00:58:13,944 --> 00:58:15,176
I don't think I can.

1430
00:58:15,178 --> 00:58:16,978
Sit down with me.

1431
00:58:16,980 --> 00:58:18,112
And breathe.

1432
00:58:18,114 --> 00:58:20,482
Four seconds in.

1433
00:58:20,484 --> 00:58:21,550
Four seconds out.

1434
00:58:21,552 --> 00:58:23,385
Four seconds in.

1435
00:58:23,387 --> 00:58:25,053
One, two, three, four...

1436
00:58:25,055 --> 00:58:27,922
- Four seconds out.
- One, two...

1437
00:58:27,924 --> 00:58:30,792
- Four seconds in.
- One, two, three, four...

1438
00:58:30,794 --> 00:58:32,294
You don't have to count
while you're doing this.

1439
00:58:32,296 --> 00:58:33,429
...four. It helps me.

1440
00:58:33,431 --> 00:58:37,131
- One, two, three, four...
- There you go.

1441
00:58:37,133 --> 00:58:39,468
One, two, three, four.

1442
00:58:39,470 --> 00:58:41,372
One, two, three, four.

1443
00:58:42,240 --> 00:58:44,040
One, two, three, four.

1444
00:58:45,243 --> 00:58:47,278
- You got it.
- That actually works.

1445
00:58:48,312 --> 00:58:49,846
Those guys are good.

1446
00:58:54,418 --> 00:58:56,118
We did almost just die,
though.

1447
00:58:56,120 --> 00:58:57,186
We actually did almost die.

1448
00:58:57,188 --> 00:58:58,853
- Yeah.
- Oh, thank God.

1449
00:58:58,855 --> 00:58:59,988
That actually
makes me feel better.

1450
00:58:59,990 --> 00:59:01,123
Means I didn't overreact.

1451
00:59:01,125 --> 00:59:03,860
Oh, God, no, you completely
overreacted.

1452
00:59:04,928 --> 00:59:06,097
Yeah, maybe.

1453
00:59:08,599 --> 00:59:10,401
I can think of worse ways
to go

1454
00:59:11,469 --> 00:59:13,137
than here with you.

1455
00:59:14,472 --> 00:59:16,372
Honestly, this has been like,

1456
00:59:16,374 --> 00:59:19,176
the best few weeks
of my entire life.

1457
00:59:22,546 --> 00:59:23,878
You don't have to say it
back to me.

1458
00:59:23,880 --> 00:59:25,147
I know it's not true for you.

1459
00:59:25,149 --> 00:59:27,182
I saw you sing with
Bruce Springsteen last year,

1460
00:59:27,184 --> 00:59:28,550
at that benefit concert.
That was probably

1461
00:59:28,552 --> 00:59:30,019
a way better week.

1462
00:59:30,021 --> 00:59:32,854
Just as an example.

1463
00:59:32,856 --> 00:59:35,291
Well, this is
a pretty close second.

1464
00:59:35,293 --> 00:59:37,393
Really? To The Boss?

1465
00:59:37,395 --> 00:59:38,460
Yeah.

1466
00:59:38,462 --> 00:59:40,797
Wow. That's nice.

1467
00:59:47,438 --> 00:59:48,806
Uh...

1468
00:59:54,478 --> 00:59:57,546
I feel like maybe you want me
to kiss you right now,

1469
00:59:57,548 --> 00:59:59,515
but I don't want to make
the same stupid mistake

1470
00:59:59,517 --> 01:00:00,949
I made 25 years ago.

1471
01:00:00,951 --> 01:00:02,820
Wouldn't be a stupid mistake.

1472
01:00:03,521 --> 01:00:05,122
Wait... Really?

1473
01:00:11,662 --> 01:00:13,262
We've secured the location.

1474
01:00:13,264 --> 01:00:16,133
But we need to move you.
The helicopter is standing by.

1475
01:00:17,234 --> 01:00:18,936
Thank you, Agent M.

1476
01:00:23,507 --> 01:00:24,907
Holy shit.

1477
01:00:24,909 --> 01:00:25,974
That helicopter was way louder

1478
01:00:25,976 --> 01:00:27,376
than I thought
it was gonna be.

1479
01:00:27,378 --> 01:00:29,347
- Fred, enough. Enough.
- I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

1480
01:00:30,214 --> 01:00:31,313
We're safe here though?

1481
01:00:31,315 --> 01:00:32,981
- Yes!
- Oh, my God, Fred!

1482
01:00:32,983 --> 01:00:34,049
This way.

1483
01:00:34,051 --> 01:00:35,286
This place
looks really nice.

1484
01:00:39,223 --> 01:00:40,690
Fred, I need you
to come work

1485
01:00:40,692 --> 01:00:42,524
on that speech with me,
right now.

1486
01:00:42,526 --> 01:00:44,596
- Right now?
- Yeah. Right now.

1487
01:00:45,463 --> 01:00:46,565
Okay.

1488
01:00:52,937 --> 01:00:54,103
Hang on, get my pants off.

1489
01:00:54,105 --> 01:00:55,439
Okay, I gotta, too. Shit.

1490
01:00:56,941 --> 01:00:58,340
- We're doing it?
- Yeah!

1491
01:00:58,342 --> 01:00:59,408
- Do it faster.
- Let's do it.

1492
01:00:59,410 --> 01:01:00,411
They're coming off!

1493
01:01:02,380 --> 01:01:04,382
Fucking tapered pants. Shit!

1494
01:01:05,717 --> 01:01:06,917
Fuck!

1495
01:01:08,420 --> 01:01:10,085
Okay, just leave
it! Just leave it! Leave it!

1496
01:01:10,087 --> 01:01:11,554
- Okay.
- Okay. Yeah.

1497
01:01:11,556 --> 01:01:12,622
Should I go in, then?

1498
01:01:12,624 --> 01:01:14,289
Yeah, enter.

1499
01:01:14,291 --> 01:01:17,560
Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, no!

1500
01:01:17,562 --> 01:01:19,696
- I'm gonna come really soon.
- Me too.

1501
01:01:19,698 --> 01:01:21,163
- Really?
- Yeah!

1502
01:01:21,165 --> 01:01:22,231
- Oh, God!
- Oh!

1503
01:01:22,233 --> 01:01:23,633
Oh, boy!

1504
01:01:26,471 --> 01:01:29,406
- Oh, God! Okay.
- Oh, my God!

1505
01:01:29,408 --> 01:01:31,307
- I'm coming out.
- Okay, come on.

1506
01:01:31,309 --> 01:01:37,112
Oh, God. Oh! Oh! Oh, fuck!

1507
01:01:37,114 --> 01:01:40,352
Wow. Oh, my God,
I'm sorry.

1508
01:01:41,253 --> 01:01:42,452
I don't know
what happened.

1509
01:01:42,454 --> 01:01:44,654
I usually last
way longer than that.

1510
01:01:44,656 --> 01:01:46,056
- You know?
- Not me.

1511
01:01:47,091 --> 01:01:48,023
That was weird.

1512
01:01:48,025 --> 01:01:49,225
We both said, "Oh, boy"
when we came...

1513
01:01:49,227 --> 01:01:51,194
- Yeah, that's what I was thinking.
- ...at the same time.

1514
01:01:51,196 --> 01:01:52,729
- That's never happened before.
- I've never said that.

1515
01:01:52,731 --> 01:01:55,998
- Yeah.
- Super strange.

1516
01:01:56,000 --> 01:01:57,700
- Oh!
- Should we do that again?

1517
01:01:57,702 --> 01:01:59,369
Yeah, my hands are shaking,
I need a minute.

1518
01:02:04,074 --> 01:02:05,708
Hmm.

1519
01:02:05,710 --> 01:02:08,645
Who's this little guy?

1520
01:02:08,647 --> 01:02:10,547
I was a writing an article
about neo-Nazis

1521
01:02:10,549 --> 01:02:12,282
and I had to get a bottom half

1522
01:02:12,284 --> 01:02:13,716
of a swastika
tattooed on me...

1523
01:02:13,718 --> 01:02:15,552
- Oh, my God.
- ...so they wouldn't kill me

1524
01:02:15,554 --> 01:02:17,554
and I didn't want that,

1525
01:02:17,556 --> 01:02:20,690
so I added little shoes and
I made him a little stick man

1526
01:02:20,692 --> 01:02:24,160
and I named him
Adolf Stickler.

1527
01:02:24,162 --> 01:02:26,229
You'd never know
he had little swastika legs.

1528
01:02:26,231 --> 01:02:27,697
- No.
- He's so happy about it.

1529
01:02:27,699 --> 01:02:28,765
I know, they just
look like pants.

1530
01:02:28,767 --> 01:02:31,401
You'd never know he was born
in the fires of hatred.

1531
01:02:34,806 --> 01:02:36,608
Man, I am hungry.

1532
01:02:39,244 --> 01:02:40,743
What time is it?

1533
01:02:40,745 --> 01:02:43,415
I couldn't tell you
what fucking day it is.

1534
01:02:44,549 --> 01:02:47,517
And where...
Where are we right now?

1535
01:02:47,519 --> 01:02:48,818
I don't have a clue.

1536
01:02:48,820 --> 01:02:50,086
You don't know?

1537
01:02:50,088 --> 01:02:51,287
No. They just
dropped us here.

1538
01:02:51,289 --> 01:02:53,558
They just took us here
on the helicopter.

1539
01:03:15,647 --> 01:03:16,713
Good morning,
Mr. Flarsky.

1540
01:03:16,715 --> 01:03:18,083
Jesus!

1541
01:03:20,151 --> 01:03:21,486
You scared me, man.

1542
01:03:27,225 --> 01:03:29,827
Could you maybe not tell
anybody about this?

1543
01:03:29,829 --> 01:03:31,630
They wouldn't
believe me anyway.

1544
01:03:33,265 --> 01:03:34,332
Fair enough.

1545
01:03:35,400 --> 01:03:36,736
Good luck, man.

1546
01:03:38,704 --> 01:03:39,772
Thank you.

1547
01:03:48,781 --> 01:03:51,180
These helicopters are scary.

1548
01:03:51,182 --> 01:03:54,319
It's gonna be fine, Fred.
Just breathe.

1549
01:03:57,322 --> 01:03:59,790
One, two, three, four.

1550
01:03:59,792 --> 01:04:01,794
One, two, three, four.

1551
01:04:13,906 --> 01:04:15,806
I feel so happy right now!

1552
01:04:15,808 --> 01:04:17,541
Like,
I'm beginning to realize,

1553
01:04:17,543 --> 01:04:19,275
I may have never been happy.

1554
01:04:19,277 --> 01:04:21,779
This might be the first time
I ever felt happy.

1555
01:04:21,781 --> 01:04:23,246
And it feels good.

1556
01:04:23,248 --> 01:04:26,249
This is like, the best shit
that's ever happened.

1557
01:04:26,251 --> 01:04:28,184
There's like this crazy big
banquet thing tonight,

1558
01:04:28,186 --> 01:04:29,787
and she gave me
like a tuxedo to wear.

1559
01:04:29,789 --> 01:04:30,854
And it's not like a date,

1560
01:04:30,856 --> 01:04:32,456
but it kinda
feels like a date.

1561
01:04:32,458 --> 01:04:35,158
How do I not fuck this up?
Seems impossible.

1562
01:04:35,160 --> 01:04:37,394
Dude, you just need to give
yourself affirmation, man.

1563
01:04:37,396 --> 01:04:39,195
You need to...

1564
01:04:39,197 --> 01:04:41,266
You need to say that
you're worthy of love, man.

1565
01:04:42,233 --> 01:04:43,534
I am worthy of love.

1566
01:04:43,536 --> 01:04:45,201
All right, now you gotta
say it 10,000

1567
01:04:45,203 --> 01:04:46,704
more times,
until you believe it.

1568
01:04:46,706 --> 01:04:48,171
Okay, look, I gotta go.

1569
01:04:48,173 --> 01:04:50,507
I have no fucking clue
how to tie a bow tie.

1570
01:04:50,509 --> 01:04:52,175
All right, man. Hey!

1571
01:04:52,177 --> 01:04:53,178
Be bold!

1572
01:05:09,595 --> 01:05:10,928
Hi.

1573
01:05:10,930 --> 01:05:13,597
You look really pretty.

1574
01:05:13,599 --> 01:05:14,834
Thank you.

1575
01:05:15,735 --> 01:05:18,802
You look really pretty, too.

1576
01:05:18,804 --> 01:05:19,870
Thank you.

1577
01:05:19,872 --> 01:05:21,305
Thanks for the suit.

1578
01:05:21,307 --> 01:05:22,439
We should probably head in.

1579
01:05:22,441 --> 01:05:23,542
- Shall we?
- Yeah.

1580
01:05:26,979 --> 01:05:29,747
Wow. This is awesome.

1581
01:05:29,749 --> 01:05:31,415
It's cool being
in Argentina.

1582
01:05:31,417 --> 01:05:32,816
I think the guys
who killed my grandparents

1583
01:05:32,818 --> 01:05:34,620
are hiding here somewhere.

1584
01:05:35,354 --> 01:05:36,455
Shit, they got a band.

1585
01:05:38,457 --> 01:05:41,892
Do you wanna, uh, dance maybe?
Or grab a drink?

1586
01:05:41,894 --> 01:05:43,427
So there are representatives

1587
01:05:43,429 --> 01:05:45,295
from over 75 countries
here tonight.

1588
01:05:45,297 --> 01:05:46,830
She has three hours
to get out there,

1589
01:05:46,832 --> 01:05:47,865
- shake her money maker...
- Yeah.

1590
01:05:47,867 --> 01:05:49,600
...and get as many
commitments as possible.

1591
01:05:49,602 --> 01:05:51,268
- This is a work event.
- Of course, yeah. I get it.

1592
01:05:51,270 --> 01:05:54,538
We could, uh, maybe at the end
of the night, have a drink.

1593
01:05:54,540 --> 01:05:56,674
Yeah, if you have time.
Cool.

1594
01:05:56,676 --> 01:05:58,742
- We'll see.
- Yeah.

1595
01:05:58,744 --> 01:06:00,546
All right. Okay.

1596
01:06:04,550 --> 01:06:05,885
I know what's going on.

1597
01:06:09,255 --> 01:06:11,689
- What do you mean?
- You know what I mean.

1598
01:06:11,691 --> 01:06:12,756
There's nothing going on.

1599
01:06:12,758 --> 01:06:14,926
Don't fucking bullshit me,
Fred.

1600
01:06:14,928 --> 01:06:17,628
'Cause my EQ is through
the goddamn roof.

1601
01:06:17,630 --> 01:06:20,698
And I understand and intuit
the nuances of social dynamics

1602
01:06:20,700 --> 01:06:21,665
like you wouldn't believe.

1603
01:06:21,667 --> 01:06:24,601
The two of you are having sex
with each other.

1604
01:06:24,603 --> 01:06:26,437
There's no way you could
discern something like that.

1605
01:06:26,439 --> 01:06:27,673
Charlotte told me.

1606
01:06:28,441 --> 01:06:29,373
Really?

1607
01:06:29,375 --> 01:06:31,442
No, but you just did,
you fucking idiot.

1608
01:06:31,444 --> 01:06:34,445
Fuck! Shit!
That was fucking very clever.

1609
01:06:34,447 --> 01:06:35,612
Jesus, well,
you know what, yes.

1610
01:06:35,614 --> 01:06:37,648
Okay. We're sexing
one another down.

1611
01:06:37,650 --> 01:06:38,549
- So?
- Ew.

1612
01:06:38,551 --> 01:06:39,918
Honestly, it's probably
weirder to me

1613
01:06:39,920 --> 01:06:41,052
- than it is to you.
- Look,

1614
01:06:41,054 --> 01:06:42,219
I can't believe
I have to say this,

1615
01:06:42,221 --> 01:06:45,458
but just so you know, there's
no way the two of you work.

1616
01:06:46,659 --> 01:06:48,392
Why would you say that?
You don't know that.

1617
01:06:48,394 --> 01:06:50,461
The public will never accept
the two of you together,

1618
01:06:50,463 --> 01:06:51,830
so neither will she.

1619
01:06:51,832 --> 01:06:53,430
Honestly, Fred,
it doesn't matter

1620
01:06:53,432 --> 01:06:54,398
if you get it or you don't,

1621
01:06:54,400 --> 01:06:56,067
'cause the truth is,
she is going to realize it

1622
01:06:56,069 --> 01:06:57,334
for the both of you,

1623
01:06:57,336 --> 01:06:59,436
then you'll have
your heart broken.

1624
01:06:59,438 --> 01:07:00,772
And that could be
kinda fun to watch.

1625
01:07:00,774 --> 01:07:02,475
Ambassador Plenipotentiary...

1626
01:07:19,626 --> 01:07:20,861
Madam Secretary!

1627
01:07:21,962 --> 01:07:23,494
Excuse me.

1628
01:07:23,496 --> 01:07:24,629
- Ah!
- Parker.

1629
01:07:24,631 --> 01:07:26,698
Nope. Nope. Uh...

1630
01:07:28,568 --> 01:07:31,936
You know, we still have not
found time to sit down.

1631
01:07:31,938 --> 01:07:33,104
You know,
it's not gonna happen.

1632
01:07:33,106 --> 01:07:34,739
I'm not gonna find time.

1633
01:07:34,741 --> 01:07:37,341
I will get my way on this.

1634
01:07:37,343 --> 01:07:38,676
I don't even know
what you mean by "this,"

1635
01:07:38,678 --> 01:07:41,112
but please have at it.
It's all yours.

1636
01:07:41,114 --> 01:07:42,547
- May I have a word?
- Can you excuse me?

1637
01:07:42,549 --> 01:07:43,782
We're in the middle
of a conversation here.

1638
01:07:43,784 --> 01:07:46,451
- Of course. Yes.
- Oh, my God. You are a...

1639
01:07:46,453 --> 01:07:48,953
You look
absolutely wonderful.

1640
01:07:48,955 --> 01:07:50,855
Oh.

1641
01:07:52,092 --> 01:07:53,591
I have to say,
I have been

1642
01:07:53,593 --> 01:07:55,827
so impressed
by your initiative.

1643
01:07:55,829 --> 01:07:57,595
Does this mean
I can add Canada

1644
01:07:57,597 --> 01:07:59,597
to the list of countries
taking part?

1645
01:07:59,599 --> 01:08:01,766
On one condition.

1646
01:08:01,768 --> 01:08:02,667
Let me guess.

1647
01:08:02,669 --> 01:08:05,403
You want fewer restrictions
on lumber.

1648
01:08:05,405 --> 01:08:06,740
I don't care about lumber.

1649
01:08:08,041 --> 01:08:09,576
I just want to dance.

1650
01:08:13,013 --> 01:08:14,078
Sure.

1651
01:08:37,737 --> 01:08:38,805
Whoa!

1652
01:08:40,006 --> 01:08:41,508
Wow.

1653
01:08:42,876 --> 01:08:44,108
You know
when you see something,

1654
01:08:44,110 --> 01:08:47,445
and it just looks right.

1655
01:08:47,447 --> 01:08:49,514
Like a Kangol hat
on Samuel L. Jackson.

1656
01:08:49,516 --> 01:08:50,517
Mmm-hmm.

1657
01:09:00,161 --> 01:09:01,862
I'm worthy of love.

1658
01:09:03,563 --> 01:09:04,898
I'm worthy of love.

1659
01:09:07,534 --> 01:09:08,835
What the fuck
are you saying?

1660
01:09:09,736 --> 01:09:10,737
Nothing.

1661
01:09:43,938 --> 01:09:44,939
Bonjour, ma'am.

1662
01:10:17,972 --> 01:10:18,973
Excuse me.

1663
01:10:21,042 --> 01:10:22,575
Agent E, look alive.

1664
01:10:38,159 --> 01:10:39,526
- Hi.
- Hey.

1665
01:10:40,294 --> 01:10:41,929
I hear you have
a crush on me.

1666
01:10:43,297 --> 01:10:44,665
I do.

1667
01:10:46,233 --> 01:10:48,035
Kinda have
a crush on you, too.

1668
01:10:49,737 --> 01:10:50,905
Well, that's cool.

1669
01:10:54,175 --> 01:10:56,275
Hey, I know I asked earlier.

1670
01:10:56,277 --> 01:10:57,843
But, uh...

1671
01:11:01,549 --> 01:11:02,883
Do you want to dance with me?

1672
01:11:05,720 --> 01:11:06,721
It's a dope song.

1673
01:11:07,888 --> 01:11:09,121
Really fucking good song.

1674
01:11:09,123 --> 01:11:10,255
Maybe the best song
ever written.

1675
01:11:10,257 --> 01:11:11,258
Yeah.

1676
01:12:59,401 --> 01:13:01,034
I want you to
fuck me from behind

1677
01:13:01,036 --> 01:13:02,204
and slap my ass really hard.

1678
01:13:04,873 --> 01:13:06,072
What?

1679
01:13:06,074 --> 01:13:07,407
What?

1680
01:13:07,409 --> 01:13:09,675
Nothing. What,
did I say "what"?

1681
01:13:09,677 --> 01:13:10,977
Am I being too bossy?

1682
01:13:10,979 --> 01:13:13,745
No. No. No. No. Not at all.
No. No.

1683
01:13:13,747 --> 01:13:15,281
I am. I am.
I'm your boss all day,

1684
01:13:15,283 --> 01:13:16,149
and now I'm bossing you
in bed.

1685
01:13:16,151 --> 01:13:17,683
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean it that way.

1686
01:13:17,685 --> 01:13:18,885
No. Not at all.

1687
01:13:18,887 --> 01:13:20,753
My brain, honestly, just went
into shock a little bit...

1688
01:13:20,755 --> 01:13:21,888
Yeah, but you hesitated.

1689
01:13:21,890 --> 01:13:24,924
No, it's just not how
I imagined you liking things.

1690
01:13:24,926 --> 01:13:28,027
You know what? We'll do exactly
what you were imagining.

1691
01:13:28,029 --> 01:13:30,029
And then you turn me around
and slap me on my ass

1692
01:13:30,031 --> 01:13:31,266
and then choke me
a little bit.

1693
01:13:32,033 --> 01:13:33,034
Oh, my God.

1694
01:13:40,775 --> 01:13:41,843
Whoa.

1695
01:13:51,853 --> 01:13:52,854
Frederick.

1696
01:13:53,455 --> 01:13:54,689
Margaret.

1697
01:13:59,461 --> 01:14:01,261
Hey, you forgot this...
Oh, fuck!

1698
01:14:01,263 --> 01:14:03,029
- Gross!
- Um...

1699
01:14:03,031 --> 01:14:04,364
I thought you guys
hated each other.

1700
01:14:04,366 --> 01:14:06,466
- We do hate each other.
- We do. Big time.

1701
01:14:06,468 --> 01:14:08,401
- We are also fucking.
- Ugh.

1702
01:14:08,403 --> 01:14:09,503
How long
have you been fucking?

1703
01:14:09,505 --> 01:14:10,837
That was probably 20 minutes.

1704
01:14:10,839 --> 01:14:11,905
Not right now!

1705
01:14:11,907 --> 01:14:14,107
- Oh.
- A lot of questions. Um, I...

1706
01:14:14,109 --> 01:14:15,275
I would say
anywhere between

1707
01:14:15,277 --> 01:14:17,143
two and five...
Three and a half times.

1708
01:14:17,145 --> 01:14:18,978
I would say on my end, five.

1709
01:14:18,980 --> 01:14:20,447
Three and a half sounds right.

1710
01:14:20,449 --> 01:14:22,815
I don't know how you're tallying that shit.
That's sick.

1711
01:14:22,817 --> 01:14:25,251
Okay, first of all,
there's a woman present.

1712
01:14:25,253 --> 01:14:26,886
There's a woman
in there, too?

1713
01:14:26,888 --> 01:14:28,788
- Excuse me.
- Easy.

1714
01:14:28,790 --> 01:14:29,989
- And I got it.
- Sorry.

1715
01:14:29,991 --> 01:14:31,357
- Again.
- Sorry, I'm...

1716
01:14:31,359 --> 01:14:33,226
A woman is present
and that woman is me.

1717
01:14:33,228 --> 01:14:34,827
- You?
- We're talking about her.

1718
01:14:34,829 --> 01:14:36,763
Trust me, I know, Fred.

1719
01:14:36,765 --> 01:14:37,830
Tom, I got this.

1720
01:14:37,832 --> 01:14:39,265
- Ugh!
- I'm gonna say goodnight.

1721
01:14:39,267 --> 01:14:40,467
You tuck that in.
Goodnight to you.

1722
01:14:40,469 --> 01:14:41,334
And I will take my leave.

1723
01:14:41,336 --> 01:14:44,371
No. No way.
I'm not touching that shit.

1724
01:14:44,373 --> 01:14:46,839
- It's not the worst instinct.
- Guys, just...

1725
01:14:46,841 --> 01:14:47,907
Those hands
have been places.

1726
01:14:47,909 --> 01:14:49,410
Goodnight.

1727
01:14:49,412 --> 01:14:51,911
With France's commitment,
U.S. Secretary of State

1728
01:14:51,913 --> 01:14:55,282
Charlotte Field's noble
Rehabilitation Initiative

1729
01:14:55,284 --> 01:14:57,318
has secured the support
of 100 countries.

1730
01:14:59,422 --> 01:15:00,688
The president
wants to talk to you.

1731
01:15:00,690 --> 01:15:03,823
We've set up the tent in the next
room, Madam Secretary.

1732
01:15:03,825 --> 01:15:05,093
Tell him hi.

1733
01:15:09,532 --> 01:15:12,165
Mr. President. Bonjour.

1734
01:15:12,167 --> 01:15:13,434
Charlie, bonjour.

1735
01:15:13,436 --> 01:15:17,003
Hey, what's this I hear about
an environmental treaty thing?

1736
01:15:17,005 --> 01:15:18,805
Oh, it's the Global

1737
01:15:18,807 --> 01:15:20,907
Rehabilitation Initiative,
sir.

1738
01:15:20,909 --> 01:15:23,410
It's been on your desk for the
last three weeks.

1739
01:15:23,412 --> 01:15:25,512
Yeah, well,
we ran it up the flagpole

1740
01:15:25,514 --> 01:15:27,947
and it's ruffling
some feathers.

1741
01:15:27,949 --> 01:15:30,083
Sir, you are the flagpole.

1742
01:15:30,085 --> 01:15:33,520
There are actually quite a few
flagpoles in this joint.

1743
01:15:33,522 --> 01:15:35,289
We need you to revise it.

1744
01:15:35,291 --> 01:15:36,292
Sir?

1745
01:15:37,193 --> 01:15:39,295
We need you to kill the trees.

1746
01:15:43,299 --> 01:15:44,531
Why would he do that?

1747
01:15:44,533 --> 01:15:47,568
Because he's funded by a
bunch of fucking rich assholes

1748
01:15:47,570 --> 01:15:49,203
and I probably pissed
one of them off.

1749
01:15:49,205 --> 01:15:50,903
Can I just say
the optics of this

1750
01:15:50,905 --> 01:15:52,606
are actually
not that different?

1751
01:15:52,608 --> 01:15:54,408
The initiative still has
the same name.

1752
01:15:54,410 --> 01:15:56,176
It sounds
very impressive,

1753
01:15:56,178 --> 01:15:58,312
which is ultimately
all that matters.

1754
01:15:58,314 --> 01:16:01,015
I actually cared about this.

1755
01:16:01,017 --> 01:16:02,583
Now what am I
fucking left with? Bees?

1756
01:16:02,585 --> 01:16:03,916
I don't even like bees.

1757
01:16:03,918 --> 01:16:05,185
Do you have to
listen to him?

1758
01:16:05,187 --> 01:16:08,355
Yes. I have to listen to him.

1759
01:16:08,357 --> 01:16:11,191
Because unless he endorses me,
I won't win.

1760
01:16:11,193 --> 01:16:14,128
And this whole fucking show
would have been for nothing.

1761
01:16:14,130 --> 01:16:16,196
Well, maybe you don't need
his endorsement to win.

1762
01:16:16,198 --> 01:16:17,564
You know?
People are digging your shit.

1763
01:16:17,566 --> 01:16:19,233
And your numbers are good.

1764
01:16:19,235 --> 01:16:21,435
You know what, Fred?
She needs a little alone time.

1765
01:16:21,437 --> 01:16:22,970
Right, she probably just needs
a friend right now.

1766
01:16:22,972 --> 01:16:24,038
Time to go, buddy.

1767
01:16:24,040 --> 01:16:25,906
Oh, my God.

1768
01:16:25,908 --> 01:16:29,145
Maggie, just give me a second
alone with Fred, please.

1769
01:16:43,993 --> 01:16:46,393
I don't wanna
do this job anymore.

1770
01:16:46,395 --> 01:16:47,463
I fuckin' hate it.

1771
01:16:48,364 --> 01:16:50,531
I mean, what's the point?

1772
01:16:50,533 --> 01:16:53,836
Every time I do something,
it just gets undone.

1773
01:16:54,403 --> 01:16:55,636
I'm sorry.

1774
01:16:55,638 --> 01:16:57,438
I just wanna be
a normal person

1775
01:16:57,440 --> 01:16:59,206
and not give a fuck
about anything

1776
01:16:59,208 --> 01:17:01,241
just like
the rest of the world.

1777
01:17:01,243 --> 01:17:03,310
Yeah, most people don't
give a shit about anything.

1778
01:17:03,312 --> 01:17:05,014
I bet it's really nice.

1779
01:17:06,182 --> 01:17:08,015
That's what I want.

1780
01:17:08,017 --> 01:17:10,119
I don't know
how to give that to you.

1781
01:17:13,556 --> 01:17:15,124
Let's get fucked up.

1782
01:17:15,524 --> 01:17:16,591
Fucked up?

1783
01:17:16,593 --> 01:17:19,059
- Yeah.
- Like a few beers fucked up

1784
01:17:19,061 --> 01:17:21,328
or more than that fucked up?

1785
01:17:21,330 --> 01:17:23,299
Like super fucked up.

1786
01:17:29,138 --> 01:17:31,606
I want to smoke
a Molly with you.

1787
01:17:33,042 --> 01:17:34,210
What?

1788
01:17:34,977 --> 01:17:36,711
That's not, um...

1789
01:17:36,713 --> 01:17:38,379
That's not
how you take it, but...

1790
01:17:38,381 --> 01:17:39,279
How do you take it?

1791
01:17:39,281 --> 01:17:41,148
It's a pill.
You take it in your mouth.

1792
01:17:41,150 --> 01:17:42,684
But I don't know
if you wanna do it.

1793
01:17:42,686 --> 01:17:44,017
Why not?

1794
01:17:44,019 --> 01:17:45,953
I just don't know
if it's a good idea.

1795
01:17:45,955 --> 01:17:49,325
As your boss, I'm ordering you
to get me a Molly.

1796
01:17:50,259 --> 01:17:51,428
Oh, man.

1797
01:18:21,458 --> 01:18:22,624
You good?

1798
01:18:22,626 --> 01:18:24,592
I don't feel anything.

1799
01:18:24,594 --> 01:18:26,594
You don't feel it?

1800
01:18:26,596 --> 01:18:28,396
No, I don't feel
a fucking thing.

1801
01:18:28,398 --> 01:18:31,201
Ooh! Wow.

1802
01:18:31,668 --> 01:18:34,202
...Was right.

1803
01:18:34,204 --> 01:18:38,105
Holy fuck...

1804
01:18:38,107 --> 01:18:39,441
No!

1805
01:18:39,443 --> 01:18:41,776
My jaw feels
really weird.

1806
01:18:41,778 --> 01:18:43,110
Yeah, that's the drugs.

1807
01:18:43,112 --> 01:18:44,712
Drugs love a jaw.

1808
01:18:44,714 --> 01:18:47,148
- I want more.
- No, no, no, no.

1809
01:18:47,150 --> 01:18:48,550
Maybe in like an hour.

1810
01:18:48,552 --> 01:18:50,253
We should do it now.

1811
01:19:19,115 --> 01:19:21,316
Yes, motherfuckers!

1812
01:19:21,318 --> 01:19:23,251
I could do this forever!

1813
01:19:23,253 --> 01:19:24,652
We're gonna.

1814
01:19:24,654 --> 01:19:27,155
I know I've been like...

1815
01:19:27,157 --> 01:19:29,390
I've been, like, playing it
pretty cool.

1816
01:19:29,392 --> 01:19:31,392
Like I've probably been
a little hard to read,

1817
01:19:31,394 --> 01:19:33,061
and I've been acting
kinda, like, aloof,

1818
01:19:33,063 --> 01:19:34,729
maybe like I don't
care that much.

1819
01:19:34,731 --> 01:19:38,166
But I don't wanna do that
anymore. I really like you.

1820
01:19:38,168 --> 01:19:40,468
You haven't been
playing it cool at all.

1821
01:19:40,470 --> 01:19:43,137
You just followed me
into the bathroom.

1822
01:19:43,139 --> 01:19:44,372
Yeah, to talk.

1823
01:19:44,374 --> 01:19:46,508
- I really like you, too!
- Really?

1824
01:19:46,510 --> 01:19:48,142
- Yeah!
- Yeah!

1825
01:19:50,113 --> 01:19:52,780
- Madam Secretary!
- Yeah! Whoa!

1826
01:19:52,782 --> 01:19:54,616
Madam Secretary!
Listen to me!

1827
01:19:54,618 --> 01:19:56,751
Dance with me,
Steven! Dance!

1828
01:19:56,753 --> 01:19:57,853
We have a situation.

1829
01:19:57,855 --> 01:19:59,222
Huh?

1830
01:20:07,564 --> 01:20:09,430
Yo.

1831
01:20:09,432 --> 01:20:12,467
How much longer is this
Molly stuff gonna last?

1832
01:20:12,469 --> 01:20:14,235
We just re-upped.

1833
01:20:14,237 --> 01:20:16,437
You kept saying you wanted
to take more, so we did.

1834
01:20:16,439 --> 01:20:19,509
So we have another
maybe four or five hours.

1835
01:20:20,678 --> 01:20:22,811
Yeah. Why?

1836
01:20:22,813 --> 01:20:24,647
I'm in so much trouble.

1837
01:20:24,649 --> 01:20:25,714
What's happening?

1838
01:20:25,716 --> 01:20:27,315
I'm gonna be
in so much trouble.

1839
01:20:27,317 --> 01:20:29,519
What's happening?
Are they outta water?

1840
01:20:30,387 --> 01:20:31,553
One of our U2s went down

1841
01:20:31,555 --> 01:20:34,455
while performing a standard
fly-over in Kashtari airspace.

1842
01:20:34,457 --> 01:20:35,557
The pilot was able to eject,

1843
01:20:35,559 --> 01:20:38,561
but it appears he was taken
by the Kashtari military.

1844
01:20:38,563 --> 01:20:40,261
Thank you, General.

1845
01:20:40,263 --> 01:20:41,764
Prime Minister Bharath
is refusing

1846
01:20:41,766 --> 01:20:44,265
to return the pilot
to United States custody.

1847
01:20:44,267 --> 01:20:46,234
He's personally hurt
by the many insults

1848
01:20:46,236 --> 01:20:47,736
hurled at him by POTUS.

1849
01:20:47,738 --> 01:20:49,638
Good job. All right.

1850
01:20:52,409 --> 01:20:53,711
It's gonna be okay
in there, right?

1851
01:20:54,679 --> 01:20:56,112
That's up to you, ma'am.

1852
01:20:57,347 --> 01:20:59,750
Oh, God.
You got this.

1853
01:21:16,834 --> 01:21:19,368
I can hold onto your sunglasses for
you, if you'd like.

1854
01:21:19,370 --> 01:21:24,408
Oh, no. I have alopecia.
In both eyes.

1855
01:21:30,781 --> 01:21:32,246
Hello.

1856
01:21:32,248 --> 01:21:33,214
Secretary Field!

1857
01:21:33,216 --> 01:21:34,316
Oh, my God!

1858
01:21:34,318 --> 01:21:37,185
Hello, Bharath? Hey.

1859
01:21:37,187 --> 01:21:40,556
I hear we have
a situation here?

1860
01:21:40,558 --> 01:21:43,661
One that we both
probably want resolved.

1861
01:21:45,496 --> 01:21:47,930
Very quickly...

1862
01:21:47,932 --> 01:21:50,532
You're not going to bully me
this time, Madam Secretary.

1863
01:21:50,534 --> 01:21:52,234
Your man will stay here

1864
01:21:52,236 --> 01:21:55,204
until your president
personally apologizes to me.

1865
01:21:55,206 --> 01:21:56,207
Over Instagram.

1866
01:21:57,408 --> 01:22:00,378
- He won't do that.
- Yeah, no. Yes...

1867
01:22:01,479 --> 01:22:03,679
- Yo.
- Yes?

1868
01:22:03,681 --> 01:22:05,247
Can I level with you?

1869
01:22:05,249 --> 01:22:06,782
Can I fill you in
on something?

1870
01:22:06,784 --> 01:22:07,816
Go ahead.

1871
01:22:07,818 --> 01:22:09,485
Me and Charlotte,
we're fucked up right now.

1872
01:22:09,487 --> 01:22:10,419
We're on drugs.

1873
01:22:10,421 --> 01:22:11,954
First of all, I don't
wanna talk about that.

1874
01:22:11,956 --> 01:22:13,656
Why? We can't talk
about the drugs.

1875
01:22:13,658 --> 01:22:14,990
Do you know
we're on drugs?

1876
01:22:14,992 --> 01:22:17,528
I don't wanna talk
about that in this room.

1877
01:22:18,729 --> 01:22:19,897
What's happening?

1878
01:22:21,365 --> 01:22:22,431
We're on drugs
right now.

1879
01:22:24,502 --> 01:22:26,268
That's funny.
That's a funny joke!

1880
01:22:26,270 --> 01:22:28,237
What's a joke?
We're on fucking drugs...

1881
01:22:29,473 --> 01:22:30,606
Are we going somewhere?

1882
01:22:32,443 --> 01:22:34,343
What is that?

1883
01:22:34,345 --> 01:22:36,612
What is happening?
We're on drugs right now.

1884
01:22:36,614 --> 01:22:39,314
So you're admitting that
the United States government

1885
01:22:39,316 --> 01:22:41,550
ordered these planes
to spy on my country?

1886
01:22:41,552 --> 01:22:42,618
No.

1887
01:22:43,788 --> 01:22:46,889
No! No! Of course not!

1888
01:22:46,891 --> 01:22:48,992
That's what it sounded like.
Face it.

1889
01:22:48,994 --> 01:22:50,225
You have no leverage here.

1890
01:22:50,227 --> 01:22:53,495
Match his aggression, Madam.
It's the only way out of this.

1891
01:22:53,497 --> 01:22:55,965
I don't know, he seems
really fucking pissed off.

1892
01:22:55,967 --> 01:22:57,466
Get more fucking pissed.

1893
01:22:57,468 --> 01:22:58,870
Let him know
who's really in charge.

1894
01:23:03,774 --> 01:23:05,476
Oh, my God,
that really hurt.

1895
01:23:06,711 --> 01:23:08,477
I gotta be honest,
I'm not...

1896
01:23:08,479 --> 01:23:11,680
I'm not feeling
all this aggression stuff.

1897
01:23:11,682 --> 01:23:15,350
I'm into more of,
like, a chilled vibe.

1898
01:23:15,352 --> 01:23:17,989
You know, just feeling...

1899
01:23:18,924 --> 01:23:20,859
God, are those Gauloises?

1900
01:23:21,860 --> 01:23:23,461
Just, I'm so...

1901
01:23:24,763 --> 01:23:27,231
I'm just gonna bum one.

1902
01:23:29,333 --> 01:23:30,632
Just give me one sec.

1903
01:23:30,634 --> 01:23:31,703
Don't worry.

1904
01:23:39,878 --> 01:23:40,944
Bharath.

1905
01:23:40,946 --> 01:23:42,681
- Hello?
- Listen.

1906
01:23:43,949 --> 01:23:45,884
Mmm. Mmm.

1907
01:23:47,585 --> 01:23:52,389
You and I are in
the same boat, my friend.

1908
01:23:52,958 --> 01:23:54,624
How is that the case?

1909
01:23:54,626 --> 01:23:56,025
We both have to
deal with my boss

1910
01:23:56,027 --> 01:23:59,428
and we both think
he is an asshole.

1911
01:23:59,430 --> 01:24:01,497
You also think
he's an asshole?

1912
01:24:01,499 --> 01:24:02,999
Oh, my God,
he's such an asshole.

1913
01:24:03,001 --> 01:24:04,868
His stupid fucking TV show

1914
01:24:04,870 --> 01:24:06,803
was like,
good for three episodes

1915
01:24:06,805 --> 01:24:08,671
and then it just didn't make
any sense.

1916
01:24:08,673 --> 01:24:10,809
Fuck,
it feels good to say that.

1917
01:24:13,845 --> 01:24:14,846
Listen.

1918
01:24:17,015 --> 01:24:21,084
You need to keep this
on the real DL.

1919
01:24:21,086 --> 01:24:24,521
We both know
that the U.S. does not

1920
01:24:24,523 --> 01:24:27,657
negotiate with terrorists.

1921
01:24:27,659 --> 01:24:33,062
But, we do negotiate
with homies.

1922
01:24:33,064 --> 01:24:35,698
So if you give us
our guy back,

1923
01:24:35,700 --> 01:24:39,836
I'm gonna hook you up
with a sweet aid package.

1924
01:24:39,838 --> 01:24:42,872
So not only do you not have to
keep a guy hostage,

1925
01:24:42,874 --> 01:24:46,643
which is a pretty
shitty thing to do.

1926
01:24:46,645 --> 01:24:48,444
I mean, I've done it myself.

1927
01:24:48,446 --> 01:24:50,515
Don't tell anybody,
super classified.

1928
01:24:51,516 --> 01:24:53,116
It sucks, I hate it.

1929
01:24:53,118 --> 01:24:58,421
Yeah. So,
why don't we instead

1930
01:24:58,423 --> 01:25:02,091
save a ton of lives?

1931
01:25:02,093 --> 01:25:05,495
I mean, that's pretty
fucking awesome, right?

1932
01:25:05,497 --> 01:25:07,098
I think this is
a really good idea.

1933
01:25:10,569 --> 01:25:11,736
What do you say?

1934
01:25:14,472 --> 01:25:15,907
Ma'am.

1935
01:25:20,779 --> 01:25:22,979
Hostage saved, motherfuckers!

1936
01:25:22,981 --> 01:25:25,715
Yeah, yeah!

1937
01:25:25,717 --> 01:25:28,685
- She did it! She did it!
- She did it!

1938
01:25:28,687 --> 01:25:31,421
I'm here with Secretary
of State Charlotte Field.

1939
01:25:31,423 --> 01:25:33,857
Who, after a tense and
complicated negotiation

1940
01:25:33,859 --> 01:25:35,792
with Kashtar,
has secured the release

1941
01:25:35,794 --> 01:25:38,828
of the pilot of the U.S.
spy plane that went down

1942
01:25:38,830 --> 01:25:40,964
over Kashtari airspace.

1943
01:25:40,966 --> 01:25:43,032
- I know, right.
- Crazy.

1944
01:25:43,034 --> 01:25:44,101
And this is all
in the midst

1945
01:25:44,103 --> 01:25:46,703
of the success of
your environmental initiative,

1946
01:25:46,705 --> 01:25:50,140
which I understand has secured
the support of 100 countries.

1947
01:25:50,142 --> 01:25:51,708
- Yes, um...
- Ooh, sore subject.

1948
01:25:51,710 --> 01:25:53,443
I'm very happy
to announce that

1949
01:25:53,445 --> 01:25:56,180
not only do I have the support
of those 100 countries,

1950
01:25:56,182 --> 01:25:58,882
but the president himself
called me personally

1951
01:25:58,884 --> 01:26:00,985
just to tell me how psyched
he is about this initiative...

1952
01:26:00,987 --> 01:26:03,954
- Did he call? Did he call?
- That didn't happen.

1953
01:26:03,956 --> 01:26:05,189
...don't change a word,

1954
01:26:05,191 --> 01:26:08,125
especially the part, uh,
with the trees.

1955
01:26:08,127 --> 01:26:09,759
- That's a lie.
- So, all in all,

1956
01:26:09,761 --> 01:26:10,860
I'm just... Well,

1957
01:26:10,862 --> 01:26:13,796
I kinda feel like I'm just
kinda crushing it right now.

1958
01:26:13,798 --> 01:26:16,102
Thank you so much. So...
Thank you.

1959
01:26:16,801 --> 01:26:17,868
Thank you.

1960
01:26:17,870 --> 01:26:20,204
The incredible
Charlotte Field.

1961
01:26:20,206 --> 01:26:22,538
Who clearly still feels
the effects

1962
01:26:22,540 --> 01:26:25,843
of the intense all-night
hostage situation.

1963
01:26:38,157 --> 01:26:41,025
After negotiating the release
of Lieutenant Gary Smith...

1964
01:26:41,027 --> 01:26:42,960
Charlotte Field's popularity
continues to skyrocket...

1965
01:26:42,962 --> 01:26:44,694
In the newest Gallup poll,
68%...

1966
01:26:44,696 --> 01:26:47,998
...are women mentally unfit
to hold the presidency?

1967
01:26:48,000 --> 01:26:49,833
Here to chat about it
is Chris Brown,

1968
01:26:49,835 --> 01:26:52,202
Jeremy Piven,
and Brett Ratner.

1969
01:26:52,204 --> 01:26:55,005
In the wake of her successful
hostage negotiation,

1970
01:26:55,007 --> 01:26:57,207
Charlotte Field's poll numbers
keep going up.

1971
01:26:57,209 --> 01:26:58,574
I'd like to apologize

1972
01:26:58,576 --> 01:26:59,810
to Charlotte,
and anyone out there

1973
01:26:59,812 --> 01:27:03,049
who was upset yesterday when
I called her Booby-McBoobson.

1974
01:27:04,850 --> 01:27:06,052
Give me
the president's office.

1975
01:27:06,919 --> 01:27:08,986
Yep?

1976
01:27:08,988 --> 01:27:10,621
Can I talk to you
for a second?

1977
01:27:10,623 --> 01:27:12,122
Of course.

1978
01:27:12,124 --> 01:27:14,091
We got some new polling that
I thought I'd share with you.

1979
01:27:14,093 --> 01:27:15,225
All right.

1980
01:27:15,227 --> 01:27:16,794
It feels like
everything

1981
01:27:16,796 --> 01:27:18,028
is kinda falling into place
for us.

1982
01:27:18,030 --> 01:27:19,663
So we thought
we'd dig a little deeper

1983
01:27:19,665 --> 01:27:21,065
and make sure
there are no surprises.

1984
01:27:21,067 --> 01:27:22,800
- Why are you acting so weird?
- It's good.

1985
01:27:22,802 --> 01:27:24,704
We got some really
helpful feedback.

1986
01:27:25,938 --> 01:27:27,671
From the public.

1987
01:27:27,673 --> 01:27:30,941
So we asked
a thousand constituents

1988
01:27:30,943 --> 01:27:32,676
how they would feel

1989
01:27:32,678 --> 01:27:35,746
- if, say, Princess Di...
- Hmm.

1990
01:27:35,748 --> 01:27:37,116
...if she were to
start dating

1991
01:27:38,017 --> 01:27:39,018
Guy Fieri.

1992
01:27:40,720 --> 01:27:42,619
I don't even know
who that is.

1993
01:27:42,621 --> 01:27:44,121
They
don't like that.

1994
01:27:44,123 --> 01:27:46,724
- Yeah.
- Or Kate Middleton

1995
01:27:46,726 --> 01:27:48,926
were to start dating
Danny DeVito.

1996
01:27:48,928 --> 01:27:50,027
I see where you're
going with this.

1997
01:27:50,029 --> 01:27:51,328
Pretty negative reaction.

1998
01:27:51,330 --> 01:27:53,998
Or if Jennifer Lawrence

1999
01:27:54,000 --> 01:27:57,169
were to start dating this
potato in a teal windbreaker.

2000
01:27:58,237 --> 01:28:00,137
They would be very upset.

2001
01:28:00,139 --> 01:28:01,638
You did a lot of work,

2002
01:28:01,640 --> 01:28:03,607
- and I...
- Well, but, can I just finish?

2003
01:28:03,609 --> 01:28:05,843
No, that's, like, a lot of...
I get it.

2004
01:28:05,845 --> 01:28:07,745
Madam Secretary.
I have no desire

2005
01:28:07,747 --> 01:28:09,780
- to limit your romantic life.
- Good.

2006
01:28:09,782 --> 01:28:12,616
But the optics of you and Fred

2007
01:28:12,618 --> 01:28:15,085
will make a presidential run
very challenging.

2008
01:28:15,087 --> 01:28:16,321
Fred is a journalist.

2009
01:28:16,323 --> 01:28:18,655
Who's written some
extremely fucked-up stuff.

2010
01:28:18,657 --> 01:28:21,660
No. That's exposed some
really fucked-up stuff.

2011
01:28:22,795 --> 01:28:25,029
And I just want to know
for myself,

2012
01:28:25,031 --> 01:28:28,032
you're comfortable with putting
everything on the line for a hookup?

2013
01:28:28,034 --> 01:28:29,767
Oh, my God.

2014
01:28:29,769 --> 01:28:30,934
Why are we having
this conversation?

2015
01:28:30,936 --> 01:28:32,270
This is insane.

2016
01:28:32,272 --> 01:28:35,172
I don't have to explain myself
to you.

2017
01:28:35,174 --> 01:28:36,907
I'm sorry. I really don't
understand this.

2018
01:28:36,909 --> 01:28:38,309
And I fucking love you,
Charlotte.

2019
01:28:38,311 --> 01:28:39,310
I want you to be happy.

2020
01:28:39,312 --> 01:28:40,911
But more than that,
I want you to be in charge.

2021
01:28:40,913 --> 01:28:42,846
And I want you
to be president.

2022
01:28:42,848 --> 01:28:44,984
For the sake of the future
of our country.

2023
01:28:48,988 --> 01:28:50,656
Look, there's another option.

2024
01:28:52,024 --> 01:28:53,324
There's a guy who works
for the Secret Service

2025
01:28:53,326 --> 01:28:57,395
whose job it is to handle
the mistresses...

2026
01:28:57,397 --> 01:28:58,962
Maggie. You're gonna
have to stop.

2027
01:28:58,964 --> 01:29:01,199
And there are a series
of tunnels in the White House

2028
01:29:01,201 --> 01:29:02,802
- that Woodrow Wilson...
- That's enough.

2029
01:29:05,072 --> 01:29:06,804
Fred is not an idea

2030
01:29:06,806 --> 01:29:09,240
that I'm floating by you
for your approval.

2031
01:29:09,242 --> 01:29:11,278
And you're getting very close
to crossing a line.

2032
01:29:17,017 --> 01:29:18,316
Okay. Got it.

2033
01:29:18,318 --> 01:29:19,752
Goodnight, Madam Secretary.

2034
01:29:25,691 --> 01:29:27,791
When I grow up,
I want to be Charlotte Field.

2035
01:29:27,793 --> 01:29:29,160
Because she's smart and pretty

2036
01:29:29,162 --> 01:29:30,794
and she's going to be
president.

2037
01:29:39,039 --> 01:29:41,873
I will be that
little girl's president.

2038
01:29:41,875 --> 01:29:45,110
Thank you,
and God bless America.

2039
01:29:45,112 --> 01:29:48,279
Massive applause.
Massive cheering.

2040
01:29:48,281 --> 01:29:50,415
At that point, I think
the stage would descend,

2041
01:29:50,417 --> 01:29:54,219
right, and then Lil Uzi Vert
or Charli XCX

2042
01:29:54,221 --> 01:29:56,687
would join hands
with the Harlem Boys Choir...

2043
01:29:56,689 --> 01:29:58,356
Well, I said we'll figure
that out later.

2044
01:30:00,260 --> 01:30:01,793
Uh, Madam Secretary,

2045
01:30:01,795 --> 01:30:03,163
the president would like to
see you right now.

2046
01:30:03,897 --> 01:30:05,031
Shit.

2047
01:30:06,066 --> 01:30:07,132
Damn it!

2048
01:30:07,134 --> 01:30:08,401
The nation is at war!

2049
01:30:09,302 --> 01:30:10,502
I find myself torn.

2050
01:30:10,504 --> 01:30:15,106
Torn between my personal love
and my love of country...

2051
01:30:15,108 --> 01:30:16,774
Sir, is this a good time?

2052
01:30:16,776 --> 01:30:19,811
Oh, hi, Charlotte.
No, I'm just running lines.

2053
01:30:19,813 --> 01:30:20,845
- Oh.
- All right.

2054
01:30:20,847 --> 01:30:22,649
Clear the room. Everybody,
just Charlotte, please.

2055
01:30:26,086 --> 01:30:27,087
Thanks.

2056
01:30:30,390 --> 01:30:32,025
Is everything okay, sir?

2057
01:30:33,093 --> 01:30:35,295
Oh, look who it is.

2058
01:30:36,029 --> 01:30:38,830
She's here at last.

2059
01:30:38,832 --> 01:30:41,266
You gotta love that
secret door. Sit down.

2060
01:30:45,739 --> 01:30:47,238
This feels like an ambush.

2061
01:30:47,240 --> 01:30:49,274
Well, in the
entertainment world,

2062
01:30:49,276 --> 01:30:51,442
we call this a surprise
walk-on.

2063
01:30:51,444 --> 01:30:52,877
You see, Charlotte,

2064
01:30:52,879 --> 01:30:55,446
we have a number of
business interests

2065
01:30:55,448 --> 01:30:58,316
and that, you know,
may be gravely affected

2066
01:30:58,318 --> 01:31:00,285
by this agreement of yours.

2067
01:31:00,287 --> 01:31:02,787
Yeah. Uh, aside from
getting into film,

2068
01:31:02,789 --> 01:31:05,423
I'm looking to use
my connections as president

2069
01:31:05,425 --> 01:31:07,459
to expand
my investment portfolio.

2070
01:31:07,461 --> 01:31:10,128
Sort of like an Ashton Kutcher
type thing, you know.

2071
01:31:10,130 --> 01:31:13,064
I mean, that guy is killing
with acting and investing...

2072
01:31:13,066 --> 01:31:15,900
I think what the president
is trying to say,

2073
01:31:15,902 --> 01:31:18,803
is that the server farm
we want to build in Alaska

2074
01:31:18,805 --> 01:31:22,240
is sitting on 10 miles of land
which will now be

2075
01:31:22,242 --> 01:31:24,144
protected by your initiative.

2076
01:31:24,945 --> 01:31:26,211
Move your server farm.

2077
01:31:26,213 --> 01:31:28,079
We want to
build it in Alaska.

2078
01:31:28,081 --> 01:31:29,847
There's plenty of room
for expansion.

2079
01:31:29,849 --> 01:31:32,817
Charlotte. I'm surprised
that it's come to this.

2080
01:31:32,819 --> 01:31:34,520
You're usually so agreeable.

2081
01:31:34,522 --> 01:31:36,955
But I watched you
undermine me

2082
01:31:36,957 --> 01:31:38,990
on TV the other day.

2083
01:31:38,992 --> 01:31:41,059
TV of all places.

2084
01:31:41,061 --> 01:31:43,094
That's my medium. All right?

2085
01:31:43,096 --> 01:31:46,798
You used TV against me!

2086
01:31:46,800 --> 01:31:49,268
That was your first mistake.

2087
01:31:49,270 --> 01:31:52,204
Look, I'm about to give you
the easiest ultimatum

2088
01:31:52,206 --> 01:31:54,275
that you're ever,
ever gonna receive.

2089
01:31:56,076 --> 01:31:57,809
Drop the tree thing.

2090
01:31:57,811 --> 01:32:00,246
- Or?
- Or...

2091
01:32:00,248 --> 01:32:06,252
We will release the content
of your friend's hard drive.

2092
01:32:06,254 --> 01:32:08,987
We found
a lot of interesting stuff

2093
01:32:08,989 --> 01:32:10,589
when we hacked
into his webcam.

2094
01:32:10,591 --> 01:32:12,859
Now here is a little taster.

2095
01:32:16,062 --> 01:32:19,164
Yo, Charlotte, it's Fred.

2096
01:32:19,166 --> 01:32:20,999
Uh, you want
to come to my room

2097
01:32:21,001 --> 01:32:23,168
and have sex with me
really fast?

2098
01:32:23,170 --> 01:32:26,272
Oh no, don't worry. I'll find
ways to kill time today.

2099
01:32:26,274 --> 01:32:28,073
It's cool. Just let me know
when you're back.

2100
01:32:28,075 --> 01:32:29,143
Great.

2101
01:32:33,547 --> 01:32:35,314
...important to me.

2102
01:32:35,316 --> 01:32:37,949
That's a good speech.

2103
01:32:37,951 --> 01:32:39,951
The band of misfits
fight back...

2104
01:32:39,953 --> 01:32:41,855
- Nice dress.
- ...against the bullies.

2105
01:32:43,190 --> 01:32:44,390
Never giving up.

2106
01:32:44,392 --> 01:32:45,524
Never laying down.

2107
01:32:48,596 --> 01:32:50,095
In high school,

2108
01:32:50,097 --> 01:32:51,365
I would talk about
the underdog a lot.

2109
01:32:53,634 --> 01:32:56,368
And I would often find myself
on a soapbox

2110
01:32:56,370 --> 01:32:59,104
rambling on and on
about the injustices

2111
01:32:59,106 --> 01:33:00,274
of the world.

2112
01:33:02,443 --> 01:33:04,176
Which makes you
extremely popular...

2113
01:33:05,913 --> 01:33:07,479
...especially when everybody
would rather be watching

2114
01:33:07,481 --> 01:33:09,248
Beverly Hills, 90210.

2115
01:33:17,091 --> 01:33:19,091
Oh, wow.

2116
01:33:24,098 --> 01:33:25,900
Oh, boy!

2117
01:33:28,936 --> 01:33:31,537
Oh, no...

2118
01:33:31,539 --> 01:33:33,005
Yucky.

2119
01:33:35,309 --> 01:33:36,375
Oh, boy!

2120
01:33:36,377 --> 01:33:38,079
What the fuck?

2121
01:33:39,413 --> 01:33:44,383
Oh, my God! I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry this happened.

2122
01:33:44,385 --> 01:33:46,118
- You don't have to be sorry.
- What do we do?

2123
01:33:46,120 --> 01:33:48,120
This is what everyone
was afraid was gonna happen,

2124
01:33:48,122 --> 01:33:49,188
because of me.

2125
01:33:49,190 --> 01:33:50,623
And now it's happening
because of me.

2126
01:33:50,625 --> 01:33:51,924
- Do I get a publicist?
- No.

2127
01:33:51,926 --> 01:33:53,158
- Do I do a publicity tour?
- Stop.

2128
01:33:53,160 --> 01:33:54,326
Do we have
a press conference?

2129
01:33:54,328 --> 01:33:57,298
Fred, listen to me.
I took the deal.

2130
01:33:58,933 --> 01:33:59,998
What?

2131
01:34:00,000 --> 01:34:01,333
We scratched the tree thing

2132
01:34:01,335 --> 01:34:03,936
and I have a real shot
at becoming president.

2133
01:34:03,938 --> 01:34:09,041
And some billionaire
motherfucker

2134
01:34:09,043 --> 01:34:12,978
gets to blackmail you?
Using me?

2135
01:34:12,980 --> 01:34:15,247
Doing something
that everybody does?

2136
01:34:15,249 --> 01:34:17,249
Out of a policy
that you cared about,

2137
01:34:17,251 --> 01:34:18,718
since you were
in middle school.

2138
01:34:18,720 --> 01:34:20,452
Since I've known you,
you've cared about this.

2139
01:34:20,454 --> 01:34:22,054
And now you're just gonna
get rid of it?

2140
01:34:22,056 --> 01:34:26,258
I'm trying to compromise here
for a bigger goal.

2141
01:34:26,260 --> 01:34:27,393
Well, I don't think
you should right now.

2142
01:34:27,395 --> 01:34:28,495
Oh, my God!

2143
01:34:28,497 --> 01:34:30,095
Of course
you don't think I should.

2144
01:34:30,097 --> 01:34:32,097
You never compromise
for anything in your life,

2145
01:34:32,099 --> 01:34:33,733
which gives you
the perfect excuse to fail.

2146
01:34:33,735 --> 01:34:36,636
Well, it's better than
maybe bending over backwards

2147
01:34:36,638 --> 01:34:38,103
for anyone who asked,

2148
01:34:38,105 --> 01:34:39,539
to the point that
you don't even know

2149
01:34:39,541 --> 01:34:41,140
why the fuck you're doing
this shit anymore!

2150
01:34:41,142 --> 01:34:42,742
In my world,
in order to achieve

2151
01:34:42,744 --> 01:34:44,677
what I'm trying to achieve,
I have to compromise.

2152
01:34:44,679 --> 01:34:45,745
Oh, why,
because you're a woman?

2153
01:34:45,747 --> 01:34:47,146
Yeah, motherfucker.

2154
01:34:47,148 --> 01:34:48,381
Okay, that makes sense.

2155
01:34:48,383 --> 01:34:50,983
And because I'm not giving up
everything I've ever wanted

2156
01:34:50,985 --> 01:34:53,285
just because it doesn't
live up to your moral code.

2157
01:34:53,287 --> 01:34:55,555
I don't care if this tape
comes out. I really don't.

2158
01:34:55,557 --> 01:34:57,590
- Oh, my God, Fred.
- I'll be okay.

2159
01:34:57,592 --> 01:34:59,461
You don't have to
do this for me.

2160
01:35:01,496 --> 01:35:03,365
You're not doing this for me.

2161
01:35:04,566 --> 01:35:06,098
Obviously.

2162
01:35:06,100 --> 01:35:10,035
Look, you and I both know

2163
01:35:10,037 --> 01:35:12,004
the woman who stands
beside the guy

2164
01:35:12,006 --> 01:35:14,340
that's coming on his face
gets way more scrutiny

2165
01:35:14,342 --> 01:35:17,343
than the guy who's actually
coming on his face.

2166
01:35:17,345 --> 01:35:19,111
Don't know if that's
happened enough

2167
01:35:19,113 --> 01:35:20,680
for there to be, like,
a precedent for it.

2168
01:35:20,682 --> 01:35:23,383
So, who knows? Maybe that
won't be the case this time.

2169
01:35:23,385 --> 01:35:25,185
Who knows? Maybe people
will think it's romantic.

2170
01:35:25,187 --> 01:35:26,719
I'm jerking...
I'm jerking off to you.

2171
01:35:26,721 --> 01:35:28,354
You don't know how people
are gonna react.

2172
01:35:28,356 --> 01:35:30,358
I'm not taking that risk.

2173
01:35:34,329 --> 01:35:35,397
I can't do it.

2174
01:35:36,798 --> 01:35:38,266
Okay.

2175
01:35:44,339 --> 01:35:48,210
So the video doesn't come out,
what happens to us?

2176
01:35:53,548 --> 01:35:57,717
I was talking to Maggie,
and she knows

2177
01:35:57,719 --> 01:36:00,186
this consultant who could
scrub your history.

2178
01:36:00,188 --> 01:36:01,721
We could make sure
nothing else like this

2179
01:36:01,723 --> 01:36:04,092
pops up and surprises us.

2180
01:36:04,626 --> 01:36:05,792
And then we just...

2181
01:36:05,794 --> 01:36:07,227
We work on your image,

2182
01:36:07,229 --> 01:36:09,162
and we figure out
how we want to

2183
01:36:09,164 --> 01:36:11,631
present ourselves
as a couple to the public.

2184
01:36:11,633 --> 01:36:12,767
That's all.

2185
01:36:18,073 --> 01:36:20,206
- Okay.
- Okay.

2186
01:36:20,208 --> 01:36:21,374
How long...
How long will it take,

2187
01:36:21,376 --> 01:36:24,344
do you think, to create

2188
01:36:24,346 --> 01:36:27,247
an image of me that we can
present to the public?

2189
01:36:27,249 --> 01:36:30,818
Just through the first couple
months of the campaign.

2190
01:36:30,820 --> 01:36:33,386
You think? But you don't
know that, right?

2191
01:36:33,388 --> 01:36:34,687
It could take longer
than that.

2192
01:36:34,689 --> 01:36:37,090
In a couple of months,
you could find that it's not a good moment

2193
01:36:37,092 --> 01:36:39,626
to introduce
a new boyfriend, right?

2194
01:36:39,628 --> 01:36:41,829
And then we'd have to wait
a couple more months.

2195
01:36:41,831 --> 01:36:44,432
I don't know how long
it's gonna take, Fred.

2196
01:36:45,300 --> 01:36:47,567
And then meanwhile,

2197
01:36:47,569 --> 01:36:49,471
you're pretending
not to date me.

2198
01:36:50,639 --> 01:36:53,506
And you're scrubbing
my Internet history?

2199
01:36:53,508 --> 01:36:55,275
So my articles are gone.

2200
01:36:55,277 --> 01:36:57,210
And you, like, sneak me around

2201
01:36:57,212 --> 01:36:59,178
like I'm Marilyn Monroe
and you're JFK?

2202
01:36:59,180 --> 01:37:00,346
Is that what
we're talking about?

2203
01:37:00,348 --> 01:37:03,483
I just want to be clear,
that's what we're talking about.

2204
01:37:03,485 --> 01:37:05,821
And we have to do that
because I'm...

2205
01:37:07,355 --> 01:37:08,523
...not right.

2206
01:37:10,358 --> 01:37:13,126
And then once we present us
to the world,

2207
01:37:13,128 --> 01:37:17,667
we present a version of me
that isn't... actually me?

2208
01:37:21,369 --> 01:37:22,437
Yeah.

2209
01:37:31,814 --> 01:37:33,248
I can't do it.

2210
01:37:35,383 --> 01:37:37,484
I wish

2211
01:37:37,486 --> 01:37:40,590
that I was the type of person
that could, but I can't.

2212
01:37:49,765 --> 01:37:51,366
You don't have to do it.

2213
01:38:12,488 --> 01:38:14,488
Don't know what the fuck
I was thinking.

2214
01:38:14,490 --> 01:38:18,425
Why the fuck
I thought someone like her

2215
01:38:18,427 --> 01:38:20,259
and someone like me
could work?

2216
01:38:20,261 --> 01:38:23,397
She's a fucking politician.
Like, I don't even know her.

2217
01:38:23,399 --> 01:38:25,966
Like, I don't know who she is.

2218
01:38:25,968 --> 01:38:28,936
She has no moral compass.

2219
01:38:28,938 --> 01:38:31,605
She's working with fucking
Democrats one day,

2220
01:38:31,607 --> 01:38:33,240
Republicans the next
fucking day.

2221
01:38:33,242 --> 01:38:34,308
I mean, what's wrong
with working

2222
01:38:34,310 --> 01:38:35,676
with Democrats
and Republicans?

2223
01:38:35,678 --> 01:38:37,411
That's...
That's the whole country.

2224
01:38:37,413 --> 01:38:40,614
Uh, yeah,
except fuck Republicans,

2225
01:38:40,616 --> 01:38:42,282
I guess is the problem
with that.

2226
01:38:42,284 --> 01:38:45,686
Speaking as an American,
shouldn't you see both sides?

2227
01:38:45,688 --> 01:38:48,489
Yeah. I see
one side's fucking wrong.

2228
01:38:48,491 --> 01:38:50,991
What's the problem here?

2229
01:38:50,993 --> 01:38:52,660
I'm a Republican.

2230
01:38:52,662 --> 01:38:54,428
You're fucking joking
right now.

2231
01:38:54,430 --> 01:38:57,631
Member of the GOP!
Yeah, you know me.

2232
01:38:57,633 --> 01:38:58,966
You're a Republican.

2233
01:38:58,968 --> 01:38:59,867
Yeah, I'm a Republican!

2234
01:38:59,869 --> 01:39:02,336
The shit has worked out
so far for me.

2235
01:39:02,338 --> 01:39:03,904
What the fuck, man?

2236
01:39:03,906 --> 01:39:05,439
All that shit
you're always saying to me!

2237
01:39:05,441 --> 01:39:06,640
- Yeah.
- Pull yourself up

2238
01:39:06,642 --> 01:39:09,309
by your bootstraps. And being
in charge of your own destiny.

2239
01:39:09,311 --> 01:39:11,545
- Republican shit.
- Oh, and it worked on me.

2240
01:39:11,547 --> 01:39:13,280
And it works
on a lot of people.

2241
01:39:13,282 --> 01:39:14,448
Oh, that's fucking sick.

2242
01:39:14,450 --> 01:39:15,549
That's right.

2243
01:39:15,551 --> 01:39:16,917
Ugh! That's gross!

2244
01:39:16,919 --> 01:39:18,852
That Republican shit,
you put it in my brain

2245
01:39:18,854 --> 01:39:20,954
and it made me feel good.
That's fucked up, man!

2246
01:39:20,956 --> 01:39:22,423
Come on. See, this is what
I'm talking about,

2247
01:39:22,425 --> 01:39:23,524
your negative way of thinking.

2248
01:39:23,526 --> 01:39:24,792
I don't even know you!

2249
01:39:24,794 --> 01:39:25,659
- What do you mean?
- Ugh!

2250
01:39:25,661 --> 01:39:27,261
I'm the same dude
from two minutes ago.

2251
01:39:27,263 --> 01:39:28,328
Your best friend.

2252
01:39:28,330 --> 01:39:29,563
Why'd you never tell me this?

2253
01:39:29,565 --> 01:39:31,699
'Cause I knew you'd act exactly
how you're acting right now.

2254
01:39:31,701 --> 01:39:33,367
Wait a minute.

2255
01:39:33,369 --> 01:39:35,869
You're always talking about how, like,
the universe has a plan for all of us...

2256
01:39:35,871 --> 01:39:36,837
Take it easy.

2257
01:39:36,839 --> 01:39:38,772
There's someone watching
over us at all times.

2258
01:39:38,774 --> 01:39:40,741
- Yeah.
- Does that mean...

2259
01:39:40,743 --> 01:39:41,878
I'm a man of Christian faith.

2260
01:39:42,478 --> 01:39:44,511
What the fuck!

2261
01:39:44,513 --> 01:39:46,014
Now, come on now!
We pray for you!

2262
01:39:46,016 --> 01:39:47,514
Don't pray for me! Keep it!

2263
01:39:47,516 --> 01:39:49,583
- Lord.
- Oh, stop it. Ignore him, God!

2264
01:39:49,585 --> 01:39:51,552
- He doesn't mean that.
- Don't pray for me!

2265
01:39:51,554 --> 01:39:52,720
You are trippin' right now.

2266
01:39:52,722 --> 01:39:53,787
I'm not fucking trippin'!
How could you be Christian?

2267
01:39:53,789 --> 01:39:58,492
I wear this cross, every day,
since you've known me!

2268
01:39:58,494 --> 01:39:59,660
What did you think it was for?

2269
01:39:59,662 --> 01:40:02,063
I thought it was...

2270
01:40:02,065 --> 01:40:03,630
...a cultural thing.

2271
01:40:03,632 --> 01:40:05,367
You mean like,
'cause I'm black?

2272
01:40:06,702 --> 01:40:07,838
That's what
I thought, yeah.

2273
01:40:08,504 --> 01:40:09,570
That might be.

2274
01:40:09,572 --> 01:40:11,806
But that don't mean
what you said ain't racist.

2275
01:40:11,808 --> 01:40:13,875
- You're right.
- Yeah, I know I'm right!

2276
01:40:13,877 --> 01:40:15,542
- Fuck.
- That's racist as shit!

2277
01:40:15,544 --> 01:40:16,778
All right, dude...

2278
01:40:16,780 --> 01:40:18,645
I love you, man.

2279
01:40:18,647 --> 01:40:21,648
But you're very judgmental.
They don't want politics

2280
01:40:21,650 --> 01:40:23,785
to get into this,
because you've never really

2281
01:40:23,787 --> 01:40:25,586
been good at looking at shit

2282
01:40:25,588 --> 01:40:27,454
from other people's
perspective, Fred.

2283
01:40:27,456 --> 01:40:28,890
- I know.
- It might explain

2284
01:40:28,892 --> 01:40:31,626
why you haven't been able to look
at this through Charlotte's eyes.

2285
01:40:31,628 --> 01:40:32,694
I'm sorry.

2286
01:40:32,696 --> 01:40:34,629
I'm sorry you couldn't be
who you are around me,

2287
01:40:34,631 --> 01:40:37,031
and you had to
hide your true self.

2288
01:40:37,033 --> 01:40:38,365
That's really fucked up.

2289
01:40:38,367 --> 01:40:39,433
That's all right, man.

2290
01:40:39,435 --> 01:40:43,370
But my love for the GOP
and the G-O-D

2291
01:40:43,372 --> 01:40:45,106
has nothing to do with us.

2292
01:40:45,108 --> 01:40:47,041
I'm racist.
You're a Republican.

2293
01:40:47,043 --> 01:40:49,476
I don't know
what the fuck's going on.

2294
01:40:50,847 --> 01:40:53,014
Polls suggested
I should get into yoga,

2295
01:40:53,016 --> 01:40:54,716
which I did and it turns out,

2296
01:40:54,718 --> 01:40:56,017
I don't really like yoga.

2297
01:40:56,019 --> 01:40:59,487
Don't you sometimes just wish
you could say,

2298
01:40:59,489 --> 01:41:00,688
"Fuck the polls"?

2299
01:41:00,690 --> 01:41:05,994
Well, polls say that people
find my laugh unattractive.

2300
01:41:05,996 --> 01:41:07,796
So I shouldn't laugh
in public.

2301
01:41:07,798 --> 01:41:08,930
That was a bit of a bummer,

2302
01:41:08,932 --> 01:41:11,432
because I really,
I like to laugh.

2303
01:41:11,434 --> 01:41:12,867
- A lot.
- Hmm.

2304
01:41:12,869 --> 01:41:15,003
Um, but we came up
with another laugh

2305
01:41:15,005 --> 01:41:16,738
that was better.
That's more, uh...

2306
01:41:16,740 --> 01:41:18,573
- Presidential, I guess.
- Hmm.

2307
01:41:20,110 --> 01:41:21,109
That's good.

2308
01:41:21,111 --> 01:41:22,744
It's a lot of teeth
and not too much sound.

2309
01:41:22,746 --> 01:41:25,413
- Yeah.
- Mmm.

2310
01:41:25,415 --> 01:41:27,582
So, um, after dinner,

2311
01:41:27,584 --> 01:41:29,150
how about we go
for a drink somewhere?

2312
01:41:29,152 --> 01:41:30,418
Ooh.

2313
01:41:30,420 --> 01:41:33,588
I know this great little place
that's not too far from here.

2314
01:41:33,590 --> 01:41:35,924
It's called Mini Bar.

2315
01:41:35,926 --> 01:41:40,128
It's quite exclusive, you need
a little key to access it.

2316
01:41:40,130 --> 01:41:44,432
And you get charged
as you remove the bottle.

2317
01:41:44,434 --> 01:41:46,034
- Hmm.
- It's actually more of

2318
01:41:46,036 --> 01:41:47,769
a small fridge than a bar.

2319
01:41:47,771 --> 01:41:49,637
- And it's in my room...
- No, I get it.

2320
01:41:49,639 --> 01:41:51,072
I'm inviting you
back to my room.

2321
01:41:51,074 --> 01:41:53,743
I...

2322
01:41:55,745 --> 01:41:57,812
- That was my real laugh.
- Mmm!

2323
01:41:57,814 --> 01:41:58,947
I don't know why

2324
01:41:58,949 --> 01:42:01,351
they told you
not to use that laugh.

2325
01:42:02,752 --> 01:42:03,887
It's...

2326
01:42:10,694 --> 01:42:12,594
Big day tomorrow,
Madam Secretary.

2327
01:42:14,965 --> 01:42:16,833
Yeah. Big day.

2328
01:42:36,853 --> 01:42:39,156
Okay. "Hey, it's Fred."

2329
01:43:02,579 --> 01:43:03,647
Hello?

2330
01:43:05,249 --> 01:43:06,849
Beep.

2331
01:43:06,851 --> 01:43:09,186
Oh, uh, guess I got
your voicemail. Um, hi.

2332
01:43:10,021 --> 01:43:12,254
It's Fred.

2333
01:43:12,256 --> 01:43:15,723
I guess I wanna start
by saying I'm really sorry.

2334
01:43:15,725 --> 01:43:17,826
You were right
about everything

2335
01:43:17,828 --> 01:43:19,931
and I was wrong
about everything.

2336
01:43:21,631 --> 01:43:26,001
And we should go along
with the plan.

2337
01:43:26,003 --> 01:43:29,639
I can be Marilyn.
I can be your Marilyn.

2338
01:43:30,607 --> 01:43:32,107
I'd rather be
your Lady Bird,

2339
01:43:32,109 --> 01:43:35,713
because, you know,
LBJ put a ring on that finger.

2340
01:43:37,647 --> 01:43:41,050
But I would do anything
to continue,

2341
01:43:41,052 --> 01:43:42,753
to be able to be with you.

2342
01:43:46,589 --> 01:43:47,758
Okay, bye.

2343
01:44:02,106 --> 01:44:03,839
So, we're losing
the trees, huh?

2344
01:44:03,841 --> 01:44:06,775
Yeah. POTUS talked me
out of it.

2345
01:44:06,777 --> 01:44:09,044
I know that meant
a lot to you. I'm so sorry.

2346
01:44:09,046 --> 01:44:10,913
Hmm, nothing we can do
about it.

2347
01:44:10,915 --> 01:44:12,314
We need his endorsement.

2348
01:44:12,316 --> 01:44:14,652
- Yep.
- Yep.

2349
01:44:17,321 --> 01:44:19,757
And I am sorry
about you and Fred.

2350
01:44:22,893 --> 01:44:26,061
You know,
he called last night.

2351
01:44:26,063 --> 01:44:28,197
He said he'd do it,
he'd go along with the plan.

2352
01:44:28,199 --> 01:44:31,600
Really? Wow.

2353
01:44:31,602 --> 01:44:33,704
That's a shock.

2354
01:44:35,139 --> 01:44:38,874
Um... Okay.

2355
01:44:38,876 --> 01:44:40,275
I'll... I'll start
to make arrangements.

2356
01:44:40,277 --> 01:44:41,278
No, Maggie.

2357
01:44:42,146 --> 01:44:43,746
There's nothing to do.

2358
01:44:43,748 --> 01:44:45,716
At the end of the day,
it was never gonna work.

2359
01:44:48,619 --> 01:44:51,787
Well, today is
such a good day,

2360
01:44:51,789 --> 01:44:53,756
and I am so excited.

2361
01:44:53,758 --> 01:44:55,224
We should be psyched.

2362
01:44:55,226 --> 01:44:57,826
So psyched.

2363
01:44:57,828 --> 01:44:59,962
All right,
I will see you out there.

2364
01:44:59,964 --> 01:45:01,032
All right.

2365
01:45:20,218 --> 01:45:21,585
Hey, man.

2366
01:45:22,254 --> 01:45:23,321
Can I get a beer?

2367
01:45:24,922 --> 01:45:28,090
- Thanks for coming.
- No problem, bro.

2368
01:45:28,092 --> 01:45:30,726
How you feelin' though?

2369
01:45:30,728 --> 01:45:32,761
Okay, you know,
you were right.

2370
01:45:32,763 --> 01:45:33,962
I called her.

2371
01:45:33,964 --> 01:45:35,798
I left a message.
She didn't call me back.

2372
01:45:35,800 --> 01:45:37,833
So... Whatever.

2373
01:45:37,835 --> 01:45:39,171
Sure you wanna watch this?

2374
01:45:40,138 --> 01:45:41,572
Yeah, I have to.

2375
01:45:43,841 --> 01:45:46,409
Madam Secretary,
I'd like to introduce you

2376
01:45:46,411 --> 01:45:47,343
to Lil Yachty.

2377
01:45:47,345 --> 01:45:49,245
He's going to be
performing after the speech.

2378
01:45:49,247 --> 01:45:50,779
Pleasure to meet you,
Mr. Yachty.

2379
01:45:50,781 --> 01:45:53,116
I'm a big-ass fan. I'm so
excited to vote for you.

2380
01:45:53,118 --> 01:45:55,187
- I'm sorry, it's game time.
- Okay.

2381
01:46:13,238 --> 01:46:14,938
Good morning!

2382
01:46:14,940 --> 01:46:17,909
Thank you, everyone,
for being here with me today.

2383
01:46:19,177 --> 01:46:20,776
Let me start
by saying something

2384
01:46:20,778 --> 01:46:23,146
I haven't said since I was 16

2385
01:46:23,148 --> 01:46:25,215
and worked
at Blockbuster Video.

2386
01:46:27,452 --> 01:46:28,750
I quit...

2387
01:46:28,752 --> 01:46:30,887
I helped write that joke.

2388
01:46:30,889 --> 01:46:32,088
Oh, yeah?
That's a good joke.

2389
01:46:32,090 --> 01:46:34,190
...as secretary of state,

2390
01:46:34,192 --> 01:46:35,825
in order to run

2391
01:46:35,827 --> 01:46:38,995
for president of
the United States of America.

2392
01:46:42,200 --> 01:46:44,136
God bless.

2393
01:46:46,972 --> 01:46:49,472
And I'm honored

2394
01:46:49,474 --> 01:46:53,209
to have the full support
of President Chambers,

2395
01:46:53,211 --> 01:46:55,912
a man I greatly admire.

2396
01:46:55,914 --> 01:46:59,282
A man who is
an extraordinary leader.

2397
01:46:59,284 --> 01:47:01,153
Man, you know
who you should date?

2398
01:47:02,354 --> 01:47:03,889
Taylor Swift.

2399
01:47:05,056 --> 01:47:07,056
Hell, yeah.
I could see that.

2400
01:47:07,058 --> 01:47:10,994
Why... Why do you think
I could date Taylor Swift?

2401
01:47:10,996 --> 01:47:12,795
Fred, you were dating
Charlotte Field.

2402
01:47:12,797 --> 01:47:14,297
That's the most powerful woman
on Earth!

2403
01:47:14,299 --> 01:47:15,832
Oh, I get it.

2404
01:47:15,834 --> 01:47:17,936
I don't know what me and
Taylor Swift have in common.

2405
01:47:19,171 --> 01:47:23,106
Y'all white. Ya ain't got
a care in the world.

2406
01:47:23,108 --> 01:47:24,340
That's true.

2407
01:47:24,342 --> 01:47:26,311
But this campaign
is not about me.

2408
01:47:27,012 --> 01:47:28,845
It's about you.

2409
01:47:28,847 --> 01:47:30,079
It's about us.

2410
01:47:31,283 --> 01:47:32,882
It's about how together,

2411
01:47:32,884 --> 01:47:36,953
we can build the future
our fellow Americans deserve.

2412
01:47:40,058 --> 01:47:43,026
I have dreamt
about this moment

2413
01:47:43,028 --> 01:47:45,261
ever since
I was a little girl

2414
01:47:45,263 --> 01:47:47,365
growing up
in the nation's capital.

2415
01:47:50,001 --> 01:47:53,537
And I know
that if that young girl

2416
01:47:53,539 --> 01:47:57,008
could see me
standing up here right now...

2417
01:48:02,314 --> 01:48:04,983
She would be so...

2418
01:48:08,220 --> 01:48:09,921
She would be...

2419
01:48:16,362 --> 01:48:17,496
What's happening?

2420
01:48:19,097 --> 01:48:22,734
She... She would be so
disappointed in me, actually.

2421
01:48:24,437 --> 01:48:27,971
Yeah, the truth is, that girl

2422
01:48:27,973 --> 01:48:29,172
would want me to be honest

2423
01:48:29,174 --> 01:48:31,841
and have integrity and not be

2424
01:48:31,843 --> 01:48:35,248
blackmailed by evil people
with evil agendas.

2425
01:48:37,483 --> 01:48:39,316
So instead, I'm just gonna...

2426
01:48:39,318 --> 01:48:42,453
I'm just gonna tell the truth,
and whatever happens, happens.

2427
01:48:42,455 --> 01:48:44,421
So here we go.

2428
01:48:44,423 --> 01:48:48,091
Parker Wembley
and our dumb-fuck president...

2429
01:48:48,093 --> 01:48:49,393
Whoo!

2430
01:48:49,395 --> 01:48:50,594
...are doing some
evil shit together.

2431
01:48:50,596 --> 01:48:52,329
And because
I just told you now,

2432
01:48:52,331 --> 01:48:55,932
they're going to release
a video of a guy I dated

2433
01:48:55,934 --> 01:48:58,269
jerking off all over himself.

2434
01:48:58,271 --> 01:48:59,270
Release the video.

2435
01:48:59,272 --> 01:49:01,338
Get the fucking thing online.
Get it online!

2436
01:49:01,340 --> 01:49:03,842
But don't slut shame me. I...

2437
01:49:05,144 --> 01:49:06,212
I like him.

2438
01:49:06,945 --> 01:49:08,512
I like him a lot.

2439
01:49:08,514 --> 01:49:10,516
Fred, you gotta go to her.

2440
01:49:12,618 --> 01:49:14,884
Go get her ass, man.

2441
01:49:14,886 --> 01:49:16,222
And he jerks off.

2442
01:49:18,557 --> 01:49:20,624
And so do all of you.

2443
01:49:20,626 --> 01:49:21,891
Hell, yeah!

2444
01:49:21,893 --> 01:49:24,094
So deal with it.

2445
01:49:24,096 --> 01:49:25,564
Deal with it, America.

2446
01:49:34,507 --> 01:49:36,540
Hey! I'm Fred!

2447
01:49:36,542 --> 01:49:38,208
Is that an XL?

2448
01:49:38,210 --> 01:49:39,476
I've got five stars in it,

2449
01:49:39,478 --> 01:49:40,978
if you could speed
this shit up, man!

2450
01:49:40,980 --> 01:49:42,313
We'll give you extra tip,
real tip.

2451
01:49:42,315 --> 01:49:43,647
Not Uber tip! Cash tip!

2452
01:49:43,649 --> 01:49:46,018
Get back! Get back!

2453
01:49:49,088 --> 01:49:51,190
- Where are we going?
- I don't know.

2454
01:49:55,127 --> 01:49:56,393
She's leaving?
Where is she going?

2455
01:49:56,395 --> 01:49:58,195
Shit, I don't know.
This isn't on the itinerary.

2456
01:49:58,197 --> 01:50:00,364
Tom, you have to think past
the itinerary!

2457
01:50:00,366 --> 01:50:01,298
I can't.

2458
01:50:01,300 --> 01:50:03,133
Fred, I just got
a Wembley news alert

2459
01:50:03,135 --> 01:50:05,336
- with your name on it.
- Don't open it!

2460
01:50:05,338 --> 01:50:08,038
Oh, yeah! Oh, boy!

2461
01:50:08,040 --> 01:50:09,440
Oh, Fred!

2462
01:50:09,442 --> 01:50:12,443
Oh, no. Oh, no.

2463
01:50:12,445 --> 01:50:13,644
Hey, it's all right, man.

2464
01:50:13,646 --> 01:50:15,312
You know,
we all got our things.

2465
01:50:15,314 --> 01:50:17,014
I don't bust a nut
on my face.

2466
01:50:17,016 --> 01:50:19,216
- But, like...
- It's not like a thing I do!

2467
01:50:20,386 --> 01:50:22,219
Do you think that'll,
like, go viral?

2468
01:50:22,221 --> 01:50:25,057
This is the news!

2469
01:50:25,659 --> 01:50:27,326
Oh, shit.

2470
01:50:35,267 --> 01:50:38,502
Excuse me. Move, damn it!
This man is in love.

2471
01:50:38,504 --> 01:50:40,371
Secretary Field
just drove away,

2472
01:50:40,373 --> 01:50:42,439
no comment
as to her destination.

2473
01:50:42,441 --> 01:50:44,576
We're gonna keep tracking
this story for you...

2474
01:50:44,578 --> 01:50:46,410
Yo, check it out.
It's the come-guy!

2475
01:50:46,412 --> 01:50:48,112
- Yeah, that's him!
- Oh, sir,

2476
01:50:48,114 --> 01:50:49,313
just a couple of questions.
We're live right now.

2477
01:50:49,315 --> 01:50:52,449
No! I'm come-guy?

2478
01:50:52,451 --> 01:50:54,151
No comments at this time,
thank you! Thank you!

2479
01:50:54,153 --> 01:50:55,285
Thank you!

2480
01:50:55,287 --> 01:50:57,390
Do not touch him!
Do not touch him!

2481
01:51:12,138 --> 01:51:13,205
Hi.

2482
01:51:14,206 --> 01:51:15,374
Holy shit.

2483
01:51:17,477 --> 01:51:19,011
Did you see my speech?

2484
01:51:20,246 --> 01:51:22,982
Yeah. I think
everyone saw it.

2485
01:51:23,450 --> 01:51:24,451
Yeah.

2486
01:51:27,253 --> 01:51:29,188
You know,
your video's out there.

2487
01:51:30,089 --> 01:51:31,591
Yeah, I caught that.

2488
01:51:38,598 --> 01:51:40,567
Here's the deal.
I love you.

2489
01:51:42,335 --> 01:51:44,436
I know I do.

2490
01:51:44,438 --> 01:51:47,407
Because I've never been
so scared in my entire life.

2491
01:51:50,377 --> 01:51:55,080
And I once shared an elevator
with Saddam Hussein.

2492
01:51:56,416 --> 01:51:58,585
Just me and Saddam.

2493
01:52:01,655 --> 01:52:03,523
And this is way scarier.

2494
01:52:06,460 --> 01:52:07,993
I love you.

2495
01:52:11,131 --> 01:52:13,598
Okay, you're really gonna have
to say something right now.

2496
01:52:13,600 --> 01:52:15,202
'Cause I'm freaking out.

2497
01:52:18,070 --> 01:52:20,340
I've been in love with you
since I was 12 years old.

2498
01:52:41,461 --> 01:52:42,462
Oh.

2499
01:52:44,164 --> 01:52:45,230
Hello?

2500
01:52:45,232 --> 01:52:48,299
Hey, Fred, uh, there's
a million people out here

2501
01:52:48,301 --> 01:52:50,702
and they want to talk to the
candidate and the come-guy.

2502
01:52:50,704 --> 01:52:52,539
So, I figured they'd hit you.

2503
01:53:13,426 --> 01:53:14,761
Fred!

2504
01:53:15,729 --> 01:53:17,264
Fred!

2505
01:53:22,569 --> 01:53:25,503
A crazy day.

2506
01:53:25,505 --> 01:53:27,740
But I'm really glad
you're all here.

2507
01:53:27,742 --> 01:53:29,810
I'd like to introduce you
to someone.

2508
01:53:31,177 --> 01:53:32,245
This is Fred.

2509
01:53:32,880 --> 01:53:34,147
Hi, there.

2510
01:53:35,750 --> 01:53:37,750
My boyfriend.

2511
01:53:37,752 --> 01:53:39,119
Whoo!

2512
01:53:42,422 --> 01:53:44,355
You kind of
know him already,

2513
01:53:44,357 --> 01:53:46,457
but you'll get to
know him a lot more

2514
01:53:46,459 --> 01:53:47,762
in the next few months...

2515
01:53:48,963 --> 01:53:51,596
'Cause he's gonna be right by
my side on my campaign trail.

2516
01:54:02,242 --> 01:54:04,110
Wakanda Forever!

2517
01:54:12,319 --> 01:54:14,587
Charlotte! Charlotte!

2518
01:54:14,589 --> 01:54:17,190
Charlotte! Charlotte!

2519
01:54:18,358 --> 01:54:19,825
I started the chant!

2520
01:54:19,827 --> 01:54:21,762
I started that chant!

2521
01:54:25,499 --> 01:54:27,198
...that I will
faithfully execute

2522
01:54:27,200 --> 01:54:30,436
the office of the president
of the United States.

2523
01:54:30,438 --> 01:54:31,804
What a momentous day,

2524
01:54:31,806 --> 01:54:33,304
our first female president.

2525
01:54:33,306 --> 01:54:35,239
I never thought I'd see it.

2526
01:54:35,241 --> 01:54:36,942
Well, I mean, a lot of people
are gonna say

2527
01:54:36,944 --> 01:54:38,944
this is a historic moment
for women everywhere,

2528
01:54:38,946 --> 01:54:41,212
but do we really want
her finger on the button

2529
01:54:41,214 --> 01:54:42,548
when it's that time
of the month?

2530
01:54:42,550 --> 01:54:44,416
I wouldn't want
my wife making any decision

2531
01:54:44,418 --> 01:54:45,751
during that time
of the month.

2532
01:54:45,753 --> 01:54:47,586
You know what?
Fuck you guys. I quit.

2533
01:54:47,588 --> 01:54:49,187
Looks like it's someone's
time of the month.

2534
01:54:49,189 --> 01:54:50,723
- Oh!
- Looks like Aunt Flow

2535
01:54:50,725 --> 01:54:52,591
is going to work down at
the Red River Casino... Oh!

2536
01:54:52,593 --> 01:54:53,826
Jesus Christ!
Quick, quick, cut!

2537
01:54:53,828 --> 01:54:58,196
Hi! I'm the First Mister of
the United States of America.

2538
01:54:58,198 --> 01:54:59,665
My name is Fred Field.

2539
01:54:59,667 --> 01:55:00,833
I took my wife's last name.

2540
01:55:00,835 --> 01:55:04,903
And, uh, I'm gonna give you
a tour of the White House.

2541
01:55:04,905 --> 01:55:07,873
We're starting with the
portraits of the first spouses.

2542
01:55:07,875 --> 01:55:09,742
Here we have
Mamie Eisenhower.

2543
01:55:09,744 --> 01:55:10,809
Jackie Kennedy.

2544
01:55:10,811 --> 01:55:13,646
We have the beautiful
Lady Bird Johnson's portrait.

2545
01:55:13,648 --> 01:55:16,382
And that leads us
into my portrait.

2546
01:55:16,384 --> 01:55:18,651
It was painted by
Todd McFarlane,

2547
01:55:18,653 --> 01:55:21,220
who created the Spawn comics,
of course.

2548
01:55:21,222 --> 01:55:22,890
The first versions
were a little over the top.

2549
01:55:24,625 --> 01:55:26,692
Hi, guys.

2550
01:55:26,694 --> 01:55:28,560
I used to think the best
way for me to change the world,

2551
01:55:28,562 --> 01:55:30,462
to make it a better place
was through journalism.

2552
01:55:30,464 --> 01:55:31,930
Then I realized
that's not at all the case.

2553
01:55:31,932 --> 01:55:35,534
Really, the best thing I could
be doing for the world

2554
01:55:35,536 --> 01:55:38,537
is just supporting
this amazing person

2555
01:55:38,539 --> 01:55:40,339
and just trying to
learn from her

2556
01:55:40,341 --> 01:55:41,874
and kinda just trying to be

2557
01:55:41,876 --> 01:55:44,410
the best first mister
I can be.

2558
01:55:44,412 --> 01:55:46,979
I actually got a tattoo
of the first mister insignia.

2559
01:55:46,981 --> 01:55:49,782
- He did.
- There we are.

2560
01:55:49,784 --> 01:55:50,949
You're wearing mittens.

2561
01:55:50,951 --> 01:55:52,351
Got little mittens on.

2562
01:55:52,353 --> 01:55:54,853
If you think of where this tattoo
started to where it ended up.

2563
01:55:54,855 --> 01:55:56,789
It really has
an amazing arc to it.

2564
01:55:56,791 --> 01:55:59,725
What are some of
the perks of your new roles?

2565
01:55:59,727 --> 01:56:03,029
Well, I finally get to enact
my vision for America.

2566
01:56:03,031 --> 01:56:05,264
I finally got to find out
who killed Kennedy.

2567
01:56:05,266 --> 01:56:06,498
- Oh, my God. Don't you dare.
- I won't say.

2568
01:56:06,500 --> 01:56:07,666
- Don't.
- I won't say.

2569
01:56:07,668 --> 01:56:08,767
Fred, I'm not
kidding around.

2570
01:56:08,769 --> 01:56:09,835
It's not who you think!

2571
01:56:09,837 --> 01:56:11,370
Don't do it.

2572
01:56:11,372 --> 01:56:12,440
It's pretty surprising.

2573
01:56:13,374 --> 01:56:14,873
He's my Mister.

2574
01:56:14,875 --> 01:56:17,511
I'm her Mister.
And she's my president.

2575
01:56:20,549 --> 01:56:25,549
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