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- VillainAnon: Gotta Start Somewhere
- By IceMan
- >Day grand theft in Equestria.
- >You've just pulled off the greatest hijinks in the history of Equestria.
- >But, as you're running down the street with a wheeled pallet of white boxes, you almost knock into a purple unicorn.
- >"Anon, what are you doing with those boxes?"
- "Oh, hi Twilight. I'm just moving some cakes. 40 cakes to be precise."
- >"Where did you get 40 cakes?"
- "Stole them from Sugarcube Corner," you blurt out. "Wait. Shit."
- >"You stole 40 cakes? Anon, that's just terrible!"
- "Yeah, I know. That's as many as four tens," you reply with a coy smile.
- >"Anon, you have to take those cakes back."
- "What? No. I'm not taking these back. If I'm gonna be the greatest villain in Equestria some day, then I've gotta start somewhere."
- >Twilight groans.
- >"Oh, Celestia, Anon, not this again. You're not going to be a villain. You never will be! Especially if the greatest hijinks you can come up with is stealing 40 cakes. And then revealing that you stole them."
- "You've gotta start somewhere, Twilight," you say as you slowly wheel your cart of cakes around her. "You've gotta start somewhere."
- >Several months later . . . .
- >"Celestia, Anon, what did you do now?" Twilight asks, gazing upon a giant ray gun mounted in an observatory in Canterlot.
- >It's a giant tube with several focusing discs near the front, and a large red sphere of sparking red energy at the back.
- >You're seated in a small leather seat with lots of dials, valves, wheels, and levers near it, controlling the behemoth laser cannon.
- "I built a death ray. I'm gonna blow up the moon."
- >"Ugh, not this evil villain thing again. Wait, you're gonna blow up the moon?"
- >You nod with your trademark dumbass grin.
- >"Oh, great. Alright, go right ahead Anon. I'll be watching."
- >Twilight turns to leave.
- >"Oh, but, by the way, if you actually do blow up the moon, I'm imprisoning you in stone for the next millennium."
- >Twilight exits the observatory.
- >You shrug and pull some levers, turn some valves, and watch as the energy builds up in your cannon.
- >You rotate the observatory so that the laser is aimed directly at the moon.
- >Once it reaches the cascade point, a rippling beam of red energy roars out of the barrel of the gun, straight out of the observatory and many miles into the sky.
- >It collides with the moon with a great flash of sparkling crimson, leaving a giant crater that soon cracks outward with scarlet spiderwebs.
- >The moon shatters into hundreds of meteoroids, from the size of grapefruits to the size of buildings, that tumble down onto the planet's surface.
- >One, the size of a large truck, crashes into a small tree containing a library in Ponyville, annihilating most of the city.
- >You step out of your chair and dust off your hands.
- >You told that purple bitch you had to start somewhere.
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