Thread 25: Stories 46-60

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non-canon
>Luna
"Pinkie"
~~~
>We want to make a things clear before we go to the moon. Anyone who sings any of the following songs will be dropped left to burn up in Equestria's atmosphere: Leaving on a Jetplane, Whalers on the Moon, anything from Sailor Moon, Rocket Man, or humming the star trek or star wars themes! Are we clear?

"I promise nothing!"

>We promise a swift, horrible, fiery death.

"I promise you my first born."
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>Twilight
"Sombra"

~~~~~

>Twilight, so you've been looking for me for the past few days?

"Indeed."

>Why didn't you come here first then?

"I was still under the impression that you were still... unwell. So after Shining told me Luna had agreed I started searching at all the places Cadence would have visited looking for you."

>Ah I see... So what can I help you with?

"It's not me you need to worry about. It's your brother and Ms Pie. We are going to the moon."

>Yes, so I've heard.

"Luna is fine, Alicorn magic and all... and I don't need to breath so..."

>... Oh... OH! Right, Shiny and Pinkie will need something to wear and to keep them alive out in space.

"My thoughts exactly."

>That's very considerate of you Sombra.

"Shining is my friend... and Pinkie Pie has become one as well. I do not wish harm to befall them."

>I'll get on it right away!

"Thank you."
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"Suckerpunch"
'41'
"'Quicksilver Sash'"
-Steam Gauge-

---

"So... Hi all."

'Sup.'
"'Hey.'"
-Heya.-

"So... who are you two?"

-We showed up in like, two stories, involving new guards.-

"'Green as grasshoppers.'"

-Speak for yourself, you bitch, I'm awesome.-

"That's no way to speak to a lady."

'...Ha. Rich.'

"What?"

'Oh, nothing.'

"'...'"

"What?!"

"'...I-I'm not a girl.'"

-There it is.-

"..."

"...You have a very feminine flank for a guy."

"'...H-hey! Shutup!'"

-Haha!-

"Ha... sorry dude. So, what is everyone doing here anyway? I came here with 41 because we wanted to grab some pizza or something."

"'I-I'unno. Gauge said something about pepperoni, so here we are.'"

-...I actually said pastrami, I think you were projecting your hunger onto me.-

"Pastrami and pepperoni are the same thing."

'Pfft. Idiot, Totally different things.'

"They are not."

'Oh come on. One's Italineighan, and one's Amareican.'

"They're the same thing."

'They're not!'

"The hell they aren't!"

"'...Um, guys?'"

'I will hurt you! They're different, taste them sometime!'

"I do! They're very tasty!"

'Then you must know they're different!!'

-...Why are they shouting over this?-

"'I don't know.'"

"Oh, shut up! They taste exactly the damn same!"

'Oh for fucks sak- I'm gonna punch you!'

"Fucking do it! C'mon 'en!"

'I'll shank you ya bastard!'

*THUMP*

"'...'"
-...-

"'...Did they just knock each other out?'"

-...Yup.-

"'I'm gonna get pizza now.'"

-Yeah, lets! I'm starving!-
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>SA
"Celestia"
'Chrysalis'
[Pinkie]
{Fluttershy}
~Dash~
~~~~

>Okay, wow.

"Twilight needs more time to work on the suits, so this is what we are doing."

'And it shall be fun.'

[Wow! You guys do stuff like this all the time!? Why don't you ever invite me!? I love crazy stuff!]

~Yeah! What, you think because I've got paperwork to do I can't have fun sometimes? I hate my office!~

{Um... I actually should probably get back to-}

'NEVERMIND! Instead... behold!'

~YES!~

[YOU MADE A GIANT ROCKET MERRI-GO-ROUND!? BRIIIIIILINAT! I AM STEALING THAT FOR PARTYLAND! STOLEN!]

"It was decommissioned and cast out two weeks ago. We have recovered it, done basic repairs, and strapped rockets to it."

{...That looks dangerous.}

>Do not even bother. Just thank goodness you have a magic chaos monster to put you back together if this goes south. As opposed to the paste I will be if said occurrence happens.

{Oh, I doubt that. Since Chrysalis wants to, um... 'do' you, she probably will make sure you won't die... Celestia too.}

>Yeah, I guess you're... wait, "Celestia too" how? What does that mean?

{...}

[ENOUGH TALK! Bugbutt, I have mounted my horsie, and I wish to ride.]

~Pfft, bet she never gets to hear that one.~

'EAT A DICK!'

~You'd loooove to do that, wouldn't you?~

'Yes, I would. Carpet does absolutely nothing for me, but I'm sure we have warring opinions on that.'

~WHY DOES EVERYONE THINK I'M GAY!?~

"Are you not?"

~WHAT!?~

"What what? I've seen what you do to Spitfire."

~It's just to humiliate her because I'm so very bitter about crushed childhood dreams!~

"Sure it is."

~Oh, go back to roasting your pillow while rubbing that guard uniform... YEAH! I SAW THAT! WHAT NOW!?~

"Now? Now I'm going to bu-"

>Celestia?

"Yes, Shiny?"

>You, uh... you lit the fuse, and none of us except Pinkie are strapped in.

"Ah... FU-"

~~~~~~

[NO REGRETS!]
>I have many.
"We do not. Alltogether now!"
"'~THANK YOU BUBBLEHORSE!~'"
{We appreciate it.}

>...Sigh.
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Non-canon
>Chrysalis
"Twilight"
~~~
Twilight's lab, South Canterlot Shore

>Gentlemares, behold! I give you: CORN!

"You took over my lab for this?"

>Silence! Let the mating begin-

CRASH!

'WHO SAID CORN?'

>Attack her my minions!

'CORN MINIONS? YOU HAVE MADE A TERRIBLE MISTAKE!'

"... I'm gonna go see what Spike, Rarity, and Applejack are up to."
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NC
>SA
" Chitania "
' Saturnia '
[ Coronatus ]
~~~~~~

>You know, I kind of wish I had someone I could talk to about this. You know? Who else, on this planet, has ever put up with shit like this? Nobody. Nobody has ever done that. In, fact, I do not even know what that would look like...

~~~~~~A LONG LONG TIME AGO~~~~~~

"You know, when I came here, I was expecting, I don't know, armies of some kind? Not... you all being stupid."

'Awww, don't be like that! Look, it's really simple. They call this a 'catapult', it's a cool awesome new invention! Using this, you toss that rock on that end, and this one goes up! And then we fly!'

"We can already fly."

[But this is, like, really fast flying!]

'Really really fast!'

[The fastest!]

"Do seriously not see how this is going to backfire?"

'Nope!'

[Looks like it'll go off without a hitch to me!]

"Listen, just let me explain this to you slowly, and carefully. If you are flying that fast, how can you st-"

[Oh hey! I can just shoot that rock on that hill! ZAP!]

"YOU STUPID BIIIIiiiiiiiiii...."

~~~~~~

>...I am alone in this world.
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>2
"Classmates"
'Teacher'
[Dash]
~~~~~~~

'Alright class! Today we have a very special guest visiting us! That's right, the head of the Wonderbolts and one of the legendary saviors of Equestria, Rainbow Dash!'

"""""~Hi Rainbow Dash!~"""""""

[Hey.]

>HI MS DASHIE!

[Hey, Two.]

"OH COME ON!"

"Who DON'T you know!?"

>Ummm... I don't think I ever met that nice pony from Saddle Arabia, but she seemed nice.

"Seriously, when I grow up with a complex, I'm sending you my bill."

>B-but Shiny only gives me a little bit for my allowance! I can't afford a doctor!

'Bull, you're loaded.'

>I am not a gun!

[So, does anyone actually want to know about my job?]

"Is it true my daddy 'had a crazy night' with a Wonderbolt?"

[...Okay, first off, you should not be saying stuff like that in class. Second... probably yes, actually, assuming he was rich.]

"He kinda is?"

>And ya' wanted me ta' pay yer' bills!? That's just mean!

[She's right you know.]

"Of course you take her side!"

[Right, because she's correct.]

"Yeah... well... you can fly!"

[There are crystal Pegasi too, you know.]

"I AM SO JEALOUS!"

'He is. He's like that all the time.'

"NO REGRETS!"

[Seriously, does anyone actually want to know what we do?]

"Okay, besides doing shows... what do Wonderbolts do?"

[...Who wants to watch me make a rainboom?"

>"""""OHHHH! MEMEMEME!""""""

[Yeah, I figured as such.]
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If she were sane enough to speak, she would ask why.

If she could think clearly, she would wonder why.

If she could see clearly, she would understand why.

Why when she left those places, red flakes falling from her chitin, nobody reacted. Did they not think them strange? Did they not think these things alien or weird? Did they not wonder at the blood red pieces upon the floor?

They did not.

Because they did not see them.

Like they were made of powder gone solid, those parts of her shattered when they hit the floor. Spreading out, as if on their own, into bits of spores so thin it was nearly impossible to see. They could have been anywhere, stuck to any surface, and they would be invisible save for the slightly reddish hue only able to be seen if looking at it just right.

And stuck they were. In bathrooms. On trains. In restaurants. In buildings. Everywhere she could go. Everywhere is where they went.

Her companions never questioned it. Just as well, neither did she. She just accepted it. Accepted it like when... when she...

When she accepted everything. When she let the truth take hold, and fill her lungs. She's done.

Even now, even while she feels pieces of herself spread out far beyond, feeling as though she had left pieces of her skin upon the floor, she didn't care.

She was done.

She was done...

So what was she waiting for?
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>SA
"42"
~~~~

>Hey, 42?

"Ah, Shining Armor. Good to see you are still doing well. Have you accomplished what you set out to do with Sombra?"

>Not yet, still working on it.

"Pity. Your guard wish you had brought them with you, they wish to defend you."

>Heh, I can handle myself.

"Indeed, but the benefit of having a standing army is not needing to, I would think. Is that all you needed?"

>Actually, I came to talk to you. Everyone says you've been acting weird lately. Are you... alright?

"Considering my friend Twilight is back in better spirits and on good terms with Her Majesty, we successfully avoided chaos reigning betwixt our species, and I am still welcome in the Empire, I would say I am more than alright."

>Listen, I already told 18, but you should know too. If that had gone south, I wouldn't make you leave-

"There is no need to continue, Shining Armor. I am well aware you would not force me out, and should I have wished to stay you would not let her Highness have me. I am appreciative, I assure you, and I will continue to serve your interests well in thanks."

>...Okay, you're doing the technical speak, what's up?

"...Nothing."

>It's not nothing, what is going on?

"Nothing. All is well, and you really should be off to go finish preparing."

>Okay, 42? I know you. You may not think I know you, but I know you. I also know when your brain is misfiring left and right and you don't understand it. As someone who has been through a LOT of tumultuous emotions in a very short timespan, I could probably be of help here. Would you just tell me, please?

"...All is well, there is no need for concern."

>42...

"Thank you for your concern, and I shall remember it in future endeavors."

>42, you're doing the twitch thing again.

"I apologize if my old wounds acting up disturbs you in some way, and will be happy to continue this conversation when they have ceased."

>Three seconds and I'm going to start complimenting you to make you jittery.

"As a hardened warrior, I assure you I cannot be-"

>Three....

"-by some mere words, as 'complimentary' as you may think-"

>Two...

"-o be. My mind has been trained for-"

>One. Hey, 42, that helmet really does look nice-

"YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALLIIIIIIIVE"

*CRASH!*

>...We'll work on it.
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NON CANON
>Rarity
"Twilight"
~~~
"So, these new uniforms, we got clearance from Chrysalis, she even wants to know about the martial you're planning to use to work with changeling shapsehifting."

>Oh, it's nothing special, darling, just an old concept of mine with a new spin, almost literally. A thuamaturgically reactive frabric I had originally intended for unicorns. A rare stroke of brilliance that I had to make, though I didn't have a clue what it could be used for.

"Right, I also bought up a bunch of the garments Arana's been dropping on Applejack and tested them: their properties are the same, even superior to actual spider silk."

>Let me see... Ohhhh... That is BEAUTIFUL! This, we can make something wonderful with this.

"And how are the preliminary designs coming."

>Darling, I'm the fashionista between the two of us, don't even worry about the designs.

"Great, I'll check on some of my other weaves and polymers to see what else we can work in. I just wish I knew what happened to Spike's old scale sheddings."

>I'm sure they'll come up, Twilight, you just need to look a bit deeper.

Twilight nods and departs

Once she does, Rarity reveals a secret compartment full of old sheddings from a certain dragon and inhales them deeply

>Ooooooooooohhhhhhh.... Momma's gonna miss you.
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>Arana
"Applejack"
'???'
~~~~~~

>APPLEJACK HELP!

"Gal dang it, now what!?"

>THEY HAVE SPRAYS!

"What? Who has..."

'CUTIE MARK CRUSADER EXTERMINATORS!'

>I AM NOT A SPIDER! I AM A SPIDER-LING! I WILL BOMB YOU! NGH!

"...Sigh..."
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>Spike
"42"
'Crystal Guards'
~~~~~~

>Ow...

"Tried to warn you."

>Hey, I thought I'd do better than that, I must be off my game or something.

"No, I just trained them well."

'MA'AM YES MA'AM!'

"See that? Well oiled machines, those guard."

>I feel like you gave them an unnecessary advantage.

"The Crystal Rockets proved amazing during the robot invasion, I'll have you know. It is wise to keep them well skilled in that regard."

>Fine, maybe I'll bring some of the Canterlot guard with me next time.

"An excellent idea! I would love to see how well they are doing with 77 on leave."

>...Oh, shit, right...

"Well, boys and girls, ready for another round?"

'MA'AM YES MA'AM!'

"Well, you heard them! Get back on your feet and get ready!"

>Well, on the positive side, this training is probably going to do wonders for my cardio.

"RELOAD!"

>...If there's anything left in my chest, that is.

"FIRE!"
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>DT
"Crystal Guard"
~~~~~~

>What do you mean "I don't know how to assemble a rocket launcher"!?

"...Thought that would be self explanatory?"

>Are you kidding me!? You're firing these things off and you don't even know how they work!? I'm ashamed, ASHAMED to share my profession with you lot!

"Your looks kind of complicated. Can I see-"

>Try to touch TBDRLIATU dies. That is not an idle threat, or a possibility. Touch. Die. Standard sequence of events.

"Well, I mean, we can use the rockets pretty well."

>OH GOODY! You can use ONE kind of rocket well! Well, give the stallion a prize! Oh, but whatever will you do if you run out of the crystal ones, Hmm?

"...Stop shooting?"

>...Get out.

"Wha-"

>OUUUUUUUT!

"..."

>...Now then, we are going to buckle down, and we are going to learn allllll kinds of new things, won't that be fun? We're learning chemistry, class! Buckle up!

"I'm afraid."

>YOU SHOULD BE!
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Highly-canon debatable
>Spike
"???"
'Rarity through Charity'
~~~
Spike enters his room, bloodied and bruised from another day of training and throws his equipment to the side

>Fucking hell... I get I'm still a kid. I get I can't expect to get stronger overnight...

Spike flops on his bed and sighs

>But it hasn't been over night, and I still feel useless in every scenario that's not against Blueblood or the Flimflam brothers... I wish... I know I've been working hard... I know I've been getting stronger... So why do I feel as weak and useless as when Nightmare Moon first attacked all those years ago?

"Because the dead don't win wars."

Spike shoots up and looks around his room, grabbing Charity

>Veeery funny, 42. Extending training even into my room with a few speakers. Motivate me, huh? Well if you wanna take me on again with all your other Crystal Lackeys so you can feel better, I'm gonna ask we take it out of my room.

"Guess again..."

>77? Cheerlie found a demon with a bigger dick than you?

"Still wrong, but also on the wrong track."

>...

"Behind you."

Spike wheels around and fires off several shots before hitting the lights

Finding no one else in his room

'Spikey! Spikey what's wrong, I felt you use Charity, did someone attack you?'

Spike shook his head

>N-No... I'm fine... Physically.

'What do you mean by that? Do you need Applejack or I?'

>Nah... I... I need to speak with Twilight.

"What about?"

>A psychologist.

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>Celestia
"SA"
~~~~~

>Shiiiiinnnnyyyyy! How's my faaaaavortie prince doing?

"...Frightening."

>Noooo, I just wanted to share my cake with you! Isn't it nice? It's butterscotch, I know you love butterscotch!

"Worrying is intensifying."

>Say, how's your lovelife doing?

"Too far."

>What?... I mean, noooo, just making idle conversation. By the by, while this conversation is all idle and such, did you happen to hear 77 stopped training the guards?

"I'd heard, yes."

>Wellll, I've got a couple drill instructors, of course, but they're not quite, er, 'star class', let's be nice and put it.

"Yeah, I didn't do a very good job training them..."

>Oh, don't be like that! You did an okay job... well, okay, you did good for peacetime, they know how to do events and such... but if you reaaaaally wanted to make it up to me-

"You can't have 42."

>I OFFERED YOU CAKE!

"I'm sure she'd be happy to occasionally come down and... well, okay, she might have a problem with it thanks to Changeling War 2 almost going off..."

>Damn! On to plan B!

"What's plan B?"

>I leave, eat this cake and sit on my growing ass and think of something!

"...It is growing quite a bit."

>It is not!

"Look at it. My hoof is sinking in way more than it did a couple months ago."

>Hey! We agreed booty poking unless I get to do it too!

"Go ahead, feel it. My ass has gotten pretty toned here recently."

>...Damn!

"Nice, right?"

>I need to hit the gym...

"...Give me the cake."

>NEVER!

"GET BACK HERE PLUSHY ASS!"

>OMNOMNOM!
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