Thread 13: Stories 1-15

Thread 13 archive: http://archive.heinessen.com/mlp/thread/16979374
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>SA
"Spike"
'Poindexter'
[Chrysalis]
{Celestia}
-Cadence-
~~~~

[YOU ASSHOLE!]

>We were low on players, 18 said she needed a bit after what happened last time, 42 said she was trying to write up a new character and didn't want to reveal it until it was ready, 8-bit just gave me the stinkeye, and I'm pretty sure none of us want to invite Gaffer back until he finally talks to me again.

[What about your sister?]

>Twilight said she had an appointment with a pregnant couple or something, I didn't really catch it.

-Point is, she's here, deal with it.-

{Yes, do try to be civil. It's just a friendly game.}

[The sky cockblock's me when you're around!]

{Fine. In the sense of fair play, I will not jump in the way of the thing you are totally going to do and we all know it.}

[...Bitchin! Light it up, lizard boy!]

"No no, please. You're just in some random forest, it doesn't really matter."

[Then in that case, ADVANCED SEDUCTION POWERS GO!]

>OH COME... huh.

[...Wait... shit.]

{You rolled a one?}

'Seriously?'

-Even I'VE never done that.-

"Wow."

[...Um... what, ah, what happens now?]

"You fail, obviously. Bounces right off him and he doesn't even feel a tingle."

[Huh. Can I... try again?]

"No good, he's suspicious of you now, he'll be able to guard against it better and react violently if you try again. You could fight him, but one of you will end up dead, and since there's an entire party surrounding you guys, money's on him."

[...Oh. Is... is that it?]

"The game just started."

[Huh.]

{...I USE ADVANCED SEDUCTION ON SHINY!}

'WHAT THE FUCK!?'

[OH COME ON!]

>...What?

{HAH! Critical BITCHES! Stop me now, MOTHER! GO AHEAD! STOP ME NOOOOW!}

>...
"..."
'..'
-..-
[..]

{...W-what the... it worked? No... no dice from the sky? My roll didn't spontaneously combust? A hoof didn't fly out of the ether to slap me in the face?}

"Nope."

'None of that.'

{... I can just... just do him? Right here? In this forest, with nothing to stop me?}

-I guess?-

{Oh...}

[...Something wrong?]

{The hammer is about to drop. I can feel it... I CAN FEEL IT...}

>..Are you okay-

{YOU WON'T GET ME THAT EASILY, MOTHER!}

The entire table was flipped, clocking Poindexter right in the face.

{I'M ONTO YOOOOOOUUUU!}

The wall was destroyed as she tore off into the night, and away she flew.

[...Huh.]

>Buddy? You okay?

'Ow.'

-I don't know why she was freaking out, it was just pretend.-

>Right? I would have played along for fun.

[Some ponies just can handle roleplaying games, what can you say?]

"... I love you guys."
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Sombra stands over the battlefield, his eyes narrowing as the griffon horde descends on his armies. Truly this is Equestria's darkest hour as her soldiers are routed, more than ever, what they need is a hero!

Sombra roars into action, black magic flaring while he dives off the cliff and lands on an offending griffon, his cape billowing as the avian feline's spine is shattered on impact. Once more he leaps to another unfortunate griffon, this time he hacks off its wings in a howl of victory, his sheer presence on the battlefield inspiring the troops to renew their fight. Equestria's army was invigorated to victo-

"So this is what you've been doing in the simulator?"

"Gah! Princess Celestia! Simulation off! Simulation off! For the love of Celestia's-"

Celestia chuckles and saunters over. "It's fine, I can appreciate this. However.." Celestia summons a control panel in the simulation and makes herself a griffon general.

"If you cloven hooved barbarians wish to keep your land, you will have to build a new foundation over our dead bodies!" Griffon Celestia taunted and drew her weapons.

Sombra grinned and levitated his own. "That, dear general, was EXACTLY the plan! Simulation: continue!"

The two then charged at eachother, a spectacular duel to be had.
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>Dadling
"Bat-mom"
~~~

>Please stop throwing stuff. I know it's just hormones, but they hurt.

"YOU FORGOT THE BUTTERSCOTCH ICE CREEEEAM!"

>What do you want me to do, read your mind? Cause, I don't want in there.

"Oh please, like you actually know what's going on in my head."

>I'll make a bet with you. If I can guess ONE thing you hide but still think about every day, I get extra snuggle time.

"Deal! Bring it on, my brain is like a steel cage, wired shut against all of my enemies!"

>A-hem... OHHHHH NOOO! WHAT THE HELL IS GROWING INSIDE OF ME!? IS IT GONNA EAT ME!? IS IT GOING TO BURST OUT LIKE A BAD HORROR MOVIE!? WHY DO NONE OF THOSE ASSHOLES IN THE BALLROOM KNOW HOW BABIES WORK!? WHYYYYY!?

"...You win this round."

>To be fair, I was just guessing. Pretty easy guess, though.

"...I would've given you extra snuggles anyway."

>Thrill of the chase, baby, thrill of the chase.
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>32
"Chrysalis"
~~~~
"It is good to see you have returned to your rightful place in the Hive, JerkJack."

>Well it is the lot of our lives to serve you.

"Yes... And now you shall aid me in my greatest scheme yet! Come with me!"

Layers of security later...

"GENTLEMEN, BEHOLD!"

>Gasp- Wait, what?

"Cookies! all the profits go to charity."

>...

"But that's not all, I have something much... Much bigger in mind!"

>Yes, your majesty...

"Now, witness my ultimate, masterplan to win the love of Equestria and the Empire: AFFORDABLE, YET-LUXURIOUS, LOW-INCOME, FAMILY HOUSING! All the profits.... Go to charity!"

NON CANON
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>SA
"Chrysalis"
~~~

>...Okay, that's a LITTLE cool.

"Ta daaaaa!"

>Ta da indeed... wait a minute.

"What?"

>You're currently standing in a pool.

"Right."

>Floating.

"On the tips of my hooves, right. Glad you can see directly in front of you. Had no idea this was an issue to you, but here we are."

>...You're standing on water.

"You okay? Sorry about smacking you in the head with my ass the other day, but I didn't think it was hard enough for straight up brain damage."

>You can walk on water...

"Hold up, maybe it's like the coconut gag and I just have to hit you again to fix it. Hooold stilllll...."


>...But you can't swim.

"...OH! Yeah, no, I can only do this if the water is less than four inches deep. Four and a half inches? Down I go."

>Huh...

"Yeah. It's great for avoiding tiny bodies of water. Puddle in the road? Don't even have to slow down."

>Couldn't you just fly over it?

"...Maybe."

>Why was this one invented?

"Second Cousin Geeridia didn't like walking on puddles."

>Such an enriching history and culture, I want you to know.

"...Weeee!"

>Oh, I see, you can't skate, but you can do that. Yeah. That makes sense.

"Wheeeee!"
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>Spike
"Rarity"
~~~~

"Here's Charity back. I'm sorry Spike. I was sure the magic bullets were unlimited, but I never tested it."

>It's alright we all make mistakes. What's the difference with Charity now?

"You're guaranteed 300 magic bullets before it runs out of charges. After that it'll take 3 full minutes to recharge it's energy."

>Honestly, you didn't have to do this. I'm fine with how the fight turned out.

"What if a real fight happens and you do run out of bullets?"

>If I run out of bullets then it means they weren't doing a good job to begin with.

"Darling, you can never have enough bullets. I can't help but feel partially responsible for your lost. I should have have tested Charity before handing it to you. I didn't expect you to fight out of your element so often though. Maybe extra bullets aren't enough to compensate...hmmm how would you feel about taking taking supplementary lessons from Pinkie. I'm told that she held her own against the robots. I think she knows Jeet Kune Doe or something."

>I couldn't beat 42 because she's just the better fighter. That's it. Besides 42 is a fine teacher.

"But her training is simply barbaric. It's mostly her beating you to a pulp."

>You're over reacting. Her training's not...that bad. Don't worry about it. Anyway, thanks for the upgrades on Charity. My lunch break's over and I need to get back to work with Applejack. I'll catch you later.
Rarity watches him walk away.

"...I wonder if I'm too soft on him. *SIGHS* I'm such a marshmallow."
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>MM
"29"
'56'
~~

>Soooo...

"She says she's working on it."

>What kind of timeframe are we looking at here? Fast?

"Fast means I die, apparently."

>Ah. Not fast it is. Well, on the positive side, your work isn't being negatively affected!

"Nn."

>How do you keep them so docile?

"They know not to affect my work, have to pay the rent after all."

>Ah. And that?

"That is outside the building, and thus is not affecting my work."

'CUZ! I CAN FLYYYYY! WHEEEE!'

>...Couldn't he already-

"Don't dampen his spirits. Let them soar as if flown via a majestic eagle! Or a small filly who's father drank himself to death and who's mother ran off into the night, never to be seen again. They're pretty close in flight patterns, actually, it's weird."

>...I'll take your word for it.

'WHEEEEE!'
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>SA
"Celestia"
'Chrysalis'
~~~~

>Come on, you've just gotta-DAMN! Missed!

"Seriously, how is your aim so bad at this?"

>Me? You're the one who keeps moving!

"Well I'm sorry for trying to inject a little life in this."

>If you'd let me just connect we'd-DAMN! We'd have way more life in this.

"Do you want me to bring Cadence in here?"

>Hey, at least I always connect on the first try with her.

"Well, she is a LOT smaller, maybe you're intimidated by something as big as me right in your face?"

>No, I'm just-DAMN IT! I think I'm just rolling my hips wrong.

"That's probably it, yeah."

>Don't you mock me.

'Come on already, Shiny! Get with the show!'

>Does she have to watch? She's throwing me off.

"I wanted her to see it. It was supposed to make me feel all superior, but here we are. Waiting for you to finally land on your mark."

>You know what? NGH!

"Hey!"

'Oooo, magic to hold her in place, clever.'

>Annnnd... BAM! That is what I am TALKING about!

"Finally. Now, let's do this together, shall we?"

>Just try to match my rhythm!

"Oh yeah, this takes me back!"

>Ooooh, getting into it now, aren't you?

"Damn straight!"

'Wow, okay, that's kind of impressive.'

>Isn't it? Look at her face! She knows!

"Shoot, we almost finished already!?"

>Come on, sync with me!

"And one, two-"

>"BLAM!"

*Soft applause*

'Bravo. That was, I admit, the greatest secret handshake of all time. Can you teach me?'

"Sorry, that took YEARS to get right."

>Over and over again, for weeks at a time!

'Huh. You guys ever think you could've spent that time doing something more productive?'

>...Hell no.

"Yeah, did you just miss that or something?"

>Time. Well. Spent.

'If you say so.'
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>Applejack
"Dash"
~~~

>No, seriously, tell me yer' kiddin'.

"Test number FIVE, Applejack. I tested him FIVE TIMES. He is not on any drugs. None! No steroids, no boosters, no nothing! That's just him!"

>Ah'm still dumbstruck, not gonna lie.

"You? I was sure the guy was juicing up, but no. He's just an overly enthusiastic weight lifter. He says it's not even his real passion, his real passion is flying he says! He wants to be a Wonderbolt more than anything he says! Guy took one look at his tiny ass wings and said 'gonna do it anyway!' and here he is. No 'juices' no 'enhancements' just flew his ass off until he got into the academy, and here he is."

>Damn. Ah' actually feel bad for doubtin' him.

"Right? When test five came back I just said "Okay, Dash, maybe that was four too many," and now I feel kind of like a jerk."

>Well, iffin' we were still doin' the letter thing, ya'll would certainly have somethin' ta' write about!

"No kidding. Still, I have to admit this, and don't you tell anyone, I'm glad Spitfire came back clean too. Don't think my poor childhood dreams could take that last beating."

>Yeah... nothin's quite what we thought, is it?

"...Hoof wrestling for old times sake?"

>Sug, Ah' was prayin' you would ask. Ya'll can use yer' wings now, yer' gonna need 'em.

"Keep dreaming, AJ, keep dreaming."
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>Twilight
"Pinkie"
'Cheese'
~~~~
KRALAKABOOMBOOMYEAH!

'Wow, Twilight, that was totally awesome! ... Seriously, that's pretty rude you know-'

>Robots! Why?

"Heheh, oh, Twilight, you're so silly! I can't make sense of anything you say sometimes!"

>Why did you both purchase over a hundred acres of land? Why have you two been building robots? Why your own versions of the reality simulator?! WHY DO THESE IMPLICATIONS TERRIFY ME MORE THAN ANYTHING CHRYSALIS MIGHT BE PLANNING?

'Probably because anything she's planning ends in some tasteless and inappropriate sex joke.'

"And... Well it does ruin the surprise, but should we show her, Cheesy?"

'Well, if she's gonna make THAT big of a deal about it, she can even be our first guest!'

"IT COULD BE A PRIVATE GRAND OPENING FESTIVAL!'"

'EXACTLY!'

>... what?

Pinkie and Cheese pull down a curtain and reveals an impressive and colorful front gate

"Welcome too..."

'PARTY LAND!'

"Where the party never stops!"

'at twenty bits a pop.'

"'PARTY LAND!"'

>... you were building an amusement park?

"The biggest and the best in all of Equestria~!"

'So it goes like this: Pinkie and I realized that, because not every place is built to withstand our combined party power levels, we could never throw people the ultimate party of their heart's content!'

"And I saw how glum Shining Armor was just waiting for Two to get tired of the Merry-go-round and I thought: hey, why can't grownups have fun at carnivals too?"

'So after pinkie and I ate WAAAY too much sugar, we had this shared hallucination of an arch-alicorn!'

"She descended from the heavens and gave us a vision of a place where we could unleash our full party power for everyone to enjoy!"

'And where fillies and foals of all ages can have fun!'

"'And thus: Party Land, the happiest place on earth!"'

>Wow... I'm really sorry for suspecting either of you of anything but the best intentions. I just saw the robot plans and such and-... I'm sorry, I've been such an asshole.

'Awww, hey, turn that frown upside down, Princess! It's alright!'

"Yeah, I mean Cheese and I did ignore a lot of patent laws and so forth and did break into your lab, bound spirits of the dead the haunted house, removed tags from some mattresses"

>What was that?

'Wanna check out the futuristic themed place we named after you?'

>Oh! Thank you... But I really should get back to-

"We also got the rights to make a Daring Do ride~!"

>... There are not enough fucks in the universe to contain my 'yeah's

Twilight rips off her princess outfit revealing her Daring Do cosplay outfit and puts the hat on her head

>Let's roll!
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>Chrysalis
"SA"
'Cadence'
[42]
{18}
~~~~
Chrysalis peeks out from behind the door

>Okay, is everyone ready?

"For the last time: yes!"

Chrysalis bursts through the door and bombastic music heralds her
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yys5iioLUNw

'...'

[...]

{...}

>Isn't it awesome?! I think i'll keep using this power!

"It is kind of cool."

>I know, later, suckers!

As she walks out another door the music restarts

''''''''''''

Everyone is sitting at dinner when chrysalis bursts into the room carrying dinner
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yys5iioLUNw

>Soup's on, everyone!

'What?!'

>I said: SOUPS ON!

[Your theme music is kind of loud, can you turn it down at all?!]

>NEVER! My amps don't just go up to eleven, their only setting is eleven!

{It is nice to have some music while we eat though!}

''''''''''''
Chrysalis is reading the newspaper and finally closes it

She cleans herself off and steps out of the bathroom stall
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yys5iioLUNw

Toilet paper stuck on one foot and trailing behind her

>Okay, maybe I should turn this off now...

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>Luna
"77"

The days had gone on and on, night after night the Princess and the Changeling warrior had combed through his mind, chasing an unknown prize for an unknown purpose. 77's approach remained as clinical as ever, swiping and observing every image he could, though his partner in this endeavor was losing her patience.

>77, have you considered this search may be in vain? This vision of yours, perhaps it's sunk too deep into your subconscious to be retrieved.

"It has to be in here, your majesty, I will not stop searching until it has been found."

>We simply do not wish for you to waste your time.

"You are not being compelled to assist me, though I appreciate it, you can leave if and when you wish."

Luna sighed, turning back to the images that she had been beholding before, 77 had become adamant in the past two days that he'd narrowed it all down to a possible death. If there was one thing Luna had realized from this focus, it was that the changeling had expected himself to die many times in many ways.

It seemed as though 77 had postulated ways in which everyone he met could kill him, most recent of which appeared to be every single member of the Gun Club, 32, and...

>Who's that?

"Hm? Oh, some guard, pay him no mind, he's 32's 'friend'. Honestly I just gave thought to how he could kill me out of habit more than actual danger."

>...tripping on you with a pair of scissors?

"Told you it was out of habit. I-wait...I...I've found it! I've actually found it!"

Luna looked away from her own set of images and towards 77.

>What is-oh...

Luna's words caught in her mouth, she and 77 stood where they were, stock still, taking in the vision that made him question a warriors death.

77 lies in a bed, his own, elderly and wizened, his tattered banner replaced with a proper eyepatch. He is looking to his side, into the eyes of an equally old Cheerilee. Above the bed his knife is mounted on the wall, a sheen of freshly settling dust covering it. Another changeling enters the view, then another, both younger than the one they look upon in the bed.

They have Cheerilee's eyes.

They smile at 77, he smiles back, one begins to break down in tears, turning away and embracing a strapping young stallion. 77 shakes his head, saying something to reassure her, then turning to his other side, where three little chitinous faces look up at him, curious, not entirely comprehending what is happening even as they see it. With a grin he pats them each on the head and motions for them to run along. They scramble off with the exuberant clumsy gait of youth, leaving 77 alone with the other four. He pats Cheerilee's hoof with his own, looks into each of the younger Changelings' eyes, and gives a respectful nod to the stallion.

Then, all his business concluded, the light slowly leaves his eye, and 77 has departed at last.

Within his mind, 77 regarded the vision as it came to a close, stoically observing what he had seen, processing it.

>77...if ever there was a better argument to lay down one's weapons, we cannot think of it.

"I know..."

77 sighed, raising his hooves.

"That is why I must delete it."

>What!?

"This cannot be allowed within my mind, Princess, it is too dangerous, too distracting, I cannot let it cloud my judgement."

>77, we have seen all the ways you expect to die, they are horrible, they are legion, but this? This, is a death worth working towards!

"No...do not misunderstand what I am about to say, Princess, in my time here in Equestria I have come to respect and admire the equine perspective, but here is where our species diverge inconsolably."

77 stood, his face etched grimly.

"I was born for war, your highness, I was created to become a warrior and fight for my Queen and my Hive. I did it in the fields of battle, I did it in the caves, and even as I help defend Equestria, I do it in their names. I was made for war, it defines me, it IS me, and to simply give it up could very well destroy me."

77 looked back to the image of his quiet death, surrounded by love.

"One such as I cannot have an end like this waiting for him, you must understand."

>We...we will not go against your decision, but we will not sit here and observe it. Our work here is done, 77, we will now move on.

"I understand...thank you for your help."

>You are welcome...but we entreat you, think before you act in this manner.

Her piece said, Luna disappeared, off to observe other dreams, to help others who required it. 77 was alone, surrounded by his own death many times over. Steeling himself, he moved to forget the vision and the promise of peace it carried.

His foreleg felt like lead...he couldn't move it. He tried again, but again met with failure.

"It is the search...yes. The search has drained me mentally...that is why I cannot summon the energy...another time, surely, I will delete this..."

He began walking away from the platform, onto thin air as the lights of the platform began to die, the cobalt blue lattice above and around him faded away as all images but the one he had resolved to destroy blinked out of existence.

"...another time."
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>Spike
"SA"
'AJ'
{Rarity}
[RD]
-DT-
(Various)
~~~
"Spike, I hate to put you on the spot, but I need you to watch 2 for me for the afternoon, please!"

>Uh-

"Thanks! You're a bro!"

Later...

'Spike, would you mind lookin' after applebloom fer a bit?'

>Okaaay?

'Ah love ya, sugarcube!'

later still...

{Spike, would you please be a darling and look after Sweetie Belle for me?}

>I get a sense 29 would be better but...

{Oh, I love you so much!}

All but makes out with Spike in the hall

(Eww... Get a room before you make me an aunt, sis...)

Even later...

[Hey, Spike! Need you to watch ScootsformewhileIkickFleetFoot'sass.'kay,thanksbye!]

And now we find Spike at a gun club meeting...

>So that's why I've got all the munchkins with me.

(CUTIEMARK CRUSADER: SPECIAL OPERATIONS AND DEMOLITIONS AGENTS! YAY!)

-Sometimes, it's hard to remember I'm in the same age group as them...-
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>SA
"Salespony"
~~~

"Your Majesty! What a wonderful surprise! How can I serve you today?"

>Hello there, Mister... Quilton? I need a new mattress.

"Ahhh, wore the old one out? To be young and married again! Well, we have a more intimate "Queen" sized bed that fits more snugly in any room, or the "King size" to give you just a bit more 'rolling room'. Or we have a King Sized Plus for an...extra occupant, let's say."

>Um, I'm actually replacing a... I believe it was called an "Empire"

"...Isn't that the one that was made to fit six full sized ponies at one time?"

>Depends on your definition of "Full sized", actually. More like, four full sized occupants, and one oversized occupant, with a bit of a tiny gap left over.

"...Ah. Well, we CAN custom make an "Empire" sized bed, if that is what you need."

>Aaaactually. Could you add on some more to it?

"...More?"

>Yeah, at LEAST enough for one more over-sized occupant. I'd prefer some more breathing room in addition, but I get that this might make the bed less fluffy and stable. I need my bed soft, or one of these days I'm going to see how far I can fly without wings.

"...You want... something even BIGGER... than an EMPIRE sized bed."

>Yep!

"..."

>...I'm willing to pay fifty thousand bits.

"And I am more than happy to service your request, my Prince! I shall have it commissioned at once, and it will be finished within four days!"

>Make it three and I'll bump it up to one hundred thousand.

"DONE AND DONE!"

>Good. If I have to hear Chrysalis scream one more time because Celestia pushed her out, I'M going to...

"..."

>...one hundred and ten thousand, and you never speak of that again.

"I'll mind wipe myself just to be sure, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be able to hold that in."

>Wise choice, my man. One hundred and fifteen thousand.

"My my! I hope the Prince is as generous to his ladies as he is to me!"

>...

"...Couldn't resist."

>I understand.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>32
"Pommel"
'77'

>Ah, Pommel my friend, fall in step with me, or just stay where you are, I'll be around shortly.

"I'll follow, 32, what exactly are you doing?"

>Amusing myself mostly, somedays you feel like berating your Queen for her legion of failures, somedays-

"You walk in a circle around the Drill Yard?"

>It's more of a square, honestly. Am I disturbing anyone?

'No more than usual, brother.'

77 had fallen into step next to the two, prompting Pommel to go rigid.

"Uh, sir, I was just-I wasn't fraternizing with-I mean I was but-"

'Calm down, he's not a prisoner anymore so my orders are moot, no matter how much I may dislike it.'

>Oh fret not, dear 77, I am still quite incarcerated, it's just that my cell has grown exponentially and my jailer is far more nasty in temperament from what I've heard.

'What have you heard?'

"A few choice things, killing yourself and a dragon, single-handedly making the Crystal Empire's guard competent, not to mention being a haberdasher's nightmare."

'You wouldn't have so much to fear if you hadn't insulted the Queen.'

>What I said NEEDED to be said, you can't just live oblivious to a problem and expect it to not become more pressing. But we could debate this all day, dear Brother, perhaps you would instead like to join me in something.

'And that is?'

>A time honored tradition of newly freed folk, Pommel and myself are going to head into the city tonight and imbibe copious amounts of liquor.

"What? We are?"

>I was going to inform you the third time we passed the training dummies, but yes, you're both invited to join me in this little excursion.

"Oh, well, sure, I'll join in...if that's alright..."

'Feh, if to do no more than make sure you don't make a fool of yourself, I'll come along too.'

>Splendid, Pommel, I believe after a few glasses I'll be ready to continue my tale.

"Great, hopefully I'll be able to remember it in the morning!"

77 shook his head as the two broke into laughter, continuing their circuit.
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