Judgment (1/4)

Author's Note: In which I finally succumb to typing 'hurt' as 'huwt' when a fluffy says it.

>You are a worker for the State of New Generica's Department of Fish and Wildlife.
>Because of the extremely high rate of fluffy pony abandonment, there are several hundred large herds roaming the area.
>And since the little bastards fuck like rabbits on Viagra during springtime, their numbers are just getting bigger.
>Natural predation keeps them thinned out pretty well during the rest of the year, especially the dumb herds that don't know any better.
>You love the reports that come in from the north of the state.  At least three times a week in the summer, you'll hear of an e-mail about a fluffy herd trying to hug a bear.  Or a cougar.
>In the spring, however, the adorable morons become a problem.
>The combination of plentiful food, hormones, and competition for mates can make fluffies surprisingly dangerous.
>Not to mention costly.
>Due to the hormones from mating season, the herd Alphas, usually male or female unicorns, become more intelligent and perceptive.
>Because of this, they will lead their herds to graze on unfenced farmland.
>The worst herds have leaders that can show them how to penetrate fenced land.  This costs local farmers millions of dollars of damages each spring.
>Despite the miraculous effect their feces has on grasses, it has little to no effect on most other crops, so the herds can affect whole harvests worth of produce if left unchecked.
>That's where you come in.  Your job is two-fold.
>Your first task is to evaluate fluffy herds for size, organization, and frankly, intelligence.
>Herds that are dumb, consist of only a few ponies, or have no established leaders are left alone to be killed by predators or die of starvation.
>Large herds with clear leadership and organization are a different matter.
>You are authorized by the State to cull these herds by any means necessary.
>In the cases of herds that have been documented to attack people, your supervisors attach 'with prejudice' to that mission.
>The other divisions in the Department refer to you and your co-workers as the 'Fluffy Pony Judgment Squad'.
>As you arrive at work, you receive a report from the State Office about a belligerent, large herd west of Genericsburg.
>The last sighting had them walking south towards Neutralville, where there are billions of dollars worth of lettuce, carrots, turnips, and strawberries waiting.
>The shift supervisor has made this your priority call, so you drive out immediately to assess the situation.
>You run into the herd walking along a river.  Large was right; there must be about a hundred ponies here.
>You park the truck about fifty yards away and approach on foot to get a better look.
>Even from this distance, you can tell this herd has been at it a while.
>They have the heavier, durable fluff of feral fluffies that have survived a winter.
>They walk with confidence near the river, unafraid of the water.
>Despite that, something is wrong about this herd.  There are about two dozen visibly pregnant dams that are huddled together.
>They insist that their female attendants, who help them walk or roll along, stay with them at all times.
>The males and other females are babbling nervously about a 'babeh kiwwa'.  The whole herd is highly agitated.
>You check your phone for a more detailed report.  Looks like a dairy farmer was accosted by this herd, and drove them off by...
>...wow.  No wonder the herd is nervous.
>This poses a problem, though.  If they scatter upon seeing you, the herd will be extremely difficult to eliminate if that proves necessary.
>Even worse, if the male and female unicorns fan out and become the Alphas of other herds, they could wreak havoc on crops over a large area.
>You first goal is to evaluate them.  Some herds can be turned, and end up going to adoption centers.
>But you'll have to gain their trust first.  Quietly, you fall in a few yards back from the rear of the herd and walk after them.
>A few of the fluffies see you approach.  They immediately signal the rest of the herd with loud 'hewps'.
>damnit.avi
>When the dams see you, they panic.  Their attendants form a circular fence around them, puffing up their cheeks and making angry faces.
>You are surprised when every single one of the males runs up to you and starts lightly pounding on your legs with teeth, hooves, and horns.
>”No kiww babehs!” they shout.  “Fwuffies pwotect mummas fwom munsta!”
>This herd is too far gone, it appears.
>Ever the optimist, though, you try one more thing.
>You wade slowly through the attacking fluffy hordes and approach the dams.
>They scream at you and beg for mercy, unable to get away due to their size.  Gently, you part their escort and pick one up.
>A swollen, teal colored pegasus wiggles in your grip.  “Hewp!  Munsta got fwuffy!  Hewp!  No wet huwt babehs!”
>The herd converges on your shins in an angry tidal wave.  “Put down mumma!  Fwuffies gif munsta biggest owwies!”
>You withstand their assault, mostly because it's about as effective as pissing on a concrete bunker.  You hold the panicking dam under your arm and wait.
>The herd's attack does not cease.  You wait a couple of minutes more and then start talking.
“Look.  I'm not hurting her.”
>The pegasus dam looks up at you.  “You...you no huwt fwuffy?”
“No, see?  I'm not going to hurt you or your babies.”
>The practiced lie slides through your lips, coated with just enough hope that it comes true that the fluffies around your feet stop attacking.
>”You no huwt mumma fwuffy?” a blue unicorn asks.  The way the other fluffies part when he walks up is a sure sign that this is the Alpha.
“Here, watch.”
>You gently set the dam down on the grass.  Two of her pegasus attendants quickly waddle over and help roll her back to the other dams.
>The blue unicorn is not entirely convinced.  “Why you no huwt mumma?  You wook wike munsta hooman!”
>You ignore him for a moment while you look the herd over.  They've backed away from your feet, but many of them still have puffed cheeks, including all of the dams' escorts.
“Where are you going?”
>The Alpha turns his nose up in the air.  “Fwuffies gon' fin' gwassies fo' mummas and babehs!  Take fwom hoomans if hafta!”
>No matter the wildness of the herd, if they can still talk, they always answer questions honestly.  Some parts of the programming never go away.
“That's bad.  Those humans need those to help feed their own children.”
>The Alpha tries his best to sneer; it just ends up looking like a cute, crooked smile.  “No cawe!  Fwuffies take!  Fwuffies feed babehs and mummas!”  The herd cheers adorably for their smarty friend.
>You sigh and began walking back to the truck.
>”Dat's wight!  You go, maybe-not-munsta hooman!  Fwuffies haf gwassies to find!” the Alpha yells at your back.
>You climb into the cab and call the State Office in New Generica City.
“I have an assessment for your priority herd west of Genericsburg.”
>”Let's hear it, Anon.”
“Herd is tightly knit with consolidated leadership.  I can confirm their 'attack' on the dairy farm.  Used a dam to get their trust and tried to convince them to stay put.  Didn't work.  They're looking for farmland to claim and they're not gonna stop.”
>”Recommendation?” your supervisor asks.  He knows damn well what it is.
“Termination.  With prejudice. If any member of this herd survives and becomes an Alpha, we're just gonna be back out here again next spring.”
>”Very well, Anon.  You are authorized to terminate the herd.”
“Roger that.  I'm heading back to the county office to get the equipment.”
>With a sigh, you drive away from the herd.
>They've resumed their slow march; dumb little bastards probably won't cover a mile by the time you return.
>You don't like this part, but it proves very often to be necessary, so you're used to it.
>And it doesn't hurt that the State pays you $50 an hour plus overtime to get it done.