My Big Fat Greek Story

>be me, bonkivs
>i'm in ancient greece
>with my pal athena
>i have my head in her lap
>she's feeding me grapes
>i just love her so much
>she's so pretty
>we're smiling at each other
>we're admiring each other
>we nuzzle
>we snuzzle
>we giggle and twitter
>suddenly titans start throwing rocks
>we sigh
>we roll our eyes
>we look down from mount olympus
>we say hey do you mind not throwing rocks at our mountain
>they are jabbering about enslavement
>we tell them we don't understand
>we tell them go read a book, stinky
>we go back to snoogling and woogling
>suddenly a boulder clears the window and lands directly on my head
>athena laughs
>i say athena i'm not immortal
>she says oh no
>i ask her how bad it is
>she says i look like a stillborn egg when it cracks
>i say that sounds bad!
>i ask her if there's anything she can do
>she says everything is going to be alright
>it will
>but maybe don't move
>i try to remain calm
>but i feel like i'm going to frow uP!
>i die
>i wake up in the underworld
>AH FUCK
>i take the ferry with charon
>we start fighting
>i kick his stupid butt into the water full of nakey people
>i go see hades
>he says i have to do 50 pusnups
>i say AH FUCK
>i try to do one spushup
>i can't
>he says he won't let me leave until i do FIFTY pushups
>i say AH FUCK
>i ask if i can do girl pushups
>he says no
>he says i have to do FIFTY hard male pushups
>i say hard
>he grunts
>i see a bunch of female shades doing pushups
>they're doing hard male pushups
>they say they are just doing it to pass the time
>i ask them if they will train me
>they say sure
>they show me all the positions
>they show me how they move between the positions
>they show me the proper count
>they show me what muscle groups
>i say show me the muscle groups again
>they show me their abdominal muscles
>they show me their biceps
>they show me their shoulders
>they show me their triceps
>they show me their pectoral muscles
>i say wow so hot
>they say ok now do a pushup
>i try to talk my way out of it
>i say we should go back to the start
>i say show me the muscle groups
>they say it's time to do a pushup
>they start pushing fingers into my flab
>i fall
>they say now push up
>i am pushing up
>my arms are jiggling
>my lungs are on fire
>my back is jerking and spasming
>i'm collapsing
>i'm pushing!
>collapsing
>push
>collapse
>-ush!
>i hear a tearing sound
>i collapse
>i'm panting
>i say i need to go to a hospital
>i ask them to see the muscle groups again
>i say i need to go to a hospital
>the lady shades are making fun of me
>...why me... i'm bonky
>in that moment Athena strides in
>she says okay ladies funs over
>she scoops me up and throws me over her shoulder
>i'm very happy
>those mean girls are going to stay in the stinky underworld
>forever
>i look back at them
>i give them a really evil smile
>i won

and that is how bonkivs binkinivs escaped from the greek underworld without doing a single pushup.