Kitten Walker in: Desperate Times Call for Desperate Measures!

Kitten Walker surveilled her room with with intensity, collecting her thoughts as she prepared herself for the biggest decision of her 12 years, if not the rest of her life.  With clarity and sternness of purpose, she turned to the two twelve years sitting on her and began.

"I invited you here today because something is wrong in the Walker household.  I need to be able to count on your trust, your skills, intellect, and silence for what is about to happen."

At the foot of the bed, the young black girl stopped playing with her braids and looked confused at Kitten, "I thought we were going to play Switch on your big screen."

"What?  No, maybe later, Nia, but we have more important things right now!" Kitten stamped her foot for emphasis, "You see-"

"If it was so important why'd you spend the last five minutes just staring out the window?" chimed the boy laying cross the mattress and checking the acne on his forehead with his phone's selfie camera.

"I had to collect my thoughts, Benson!"  Kitten's face turned red and she harrumphed as she tried to reclaim a solemn tone.  "Something terrible, horrible has happened.  My dad is dating some total thundercunt."

The preteens on the bed glanced at each other and sighed, Benson rolled his eyes and put away his phone as Nia flopped back on the bed and raised her hands for emphasis, "What's wrong with this one?"

"She's just this total..." Kitten paused for a minute, lips pulled back in a disgusted grimace, her hands curled in an emphatic claw, "...she's just this total slutbag and terrible for him!"

Listlessly, Benson asked, "Isn't that what you said about..what was her name, the last one?"

"Veronica," chimed Nia.

"Veronica." finished Benson.

"Worse!  Sluttier!  She's some total bitch whose got him wrapped around his finger and thinks she owns the place and is so cool just because she's got a motorcycle and red hair!  My dad is not some, some sugar daddy for a college tramp who is going to spend all his time and money!  This is serious!"

Nia sat up suddenly, "Wait, dark red hair, maybe mid-20s?"

"Yeah?" answered Kitten with trepidation.

"I ran into her and your dad when I was with my parents shopping."

Kitten leapt onto her bed, and brought her face close enough that noses were almost touching.  "They're shopping together now?" she screamed as she grabbed her friend's shoulders and shook hard.

"It was just the grocery store," Nia shrank back from the shaking and screaming in her face.

"This can't be happening."  Kitten pressed her hands to her face and rocked back and forth, "No no no no no no..."

Ignoring Kitten's outburst, Benson turned to Nia, "Is she pretty?"

Nia nodded her head as Kitten pounded her bed in frustration.  "What does she even see in him?  We're not rich, he can't go out partying, she's supposed to be dating douchebag frat guys, not my dad!"

Silence reigned for a minute as Kitten sulked and her friends were left unsure as how to respond.  Outside the birds were chirping and the afternoon's sun was turning dim and orange as evening crept its way across the land.  Finally, the quiet was broken by Benson's emphatic and matter-of-fact utterance, "Your dad is suuuuuuuuuper hot."

"Ugh, ugh!" shouted Kitten as she leaned forward and pulled the pillow out from under Benson only to throw it at his face.  "I didn't invite you guys over just so you could pretend things don't matter or talk about how hot my dad is," she grabbed the pillow from Benson and threw it at his face again, "I'm desperate and need your help."

"With what?" replied Nia, slightly irritated that she wasted her afternoon on yet another one of her bff's freakouts about her dad's dating life.

"At this point I'm going to have to kill her."

"No you're not."

"Yes, I am.  I've got it all figured out, I just need to cut the brake lines on her motorcycle."

"Noooo," said Benson as he sat up.

"Yeeessssss," followed Kitten, " I cut her brakes but reattach them so that she thinks they work only for them to fail when she's out on the highway.  Brakes fail, she goes flying, hits the back of a semi at 75mph, dead.  OR," Kitten clamored to her knees with excitement, "she winds up with every bone in her body broken and her face cheese grated across 50 feet of asphalt.  Let's see her try to whore around without a face!"

With another side glance and sigh, her friends scooted next to her and tried to bring her back down to reality.  "What if your dad goes crazy with grief at her death and winds up killing himself?  What if he kills you too while he's at it?"

"He wouldn't?"

"What if he felt so guilty that she got her face turned into ground beef that he stuck with her because he felt like he had to so not only do you have to put up with her she also doesn't have a face anymore?"

"Why would he..."

"What if her body is all mangled and you dad decides he needs to nurse her back to health and they fall madly in love and you get a new mom except she's a quadriplegic amputee who has to breathe and be fed through a tube in throat?"

"That won't hap-"

"Are you prepared to change her catheter!"

Kitten slumped down and pulled her knees to her chest in defeat, her dreams familial salvation through homicide thoroughly dashed at the risk of backfire, and flipped her hair forward so her friends couldn't see her face as she sulked.  Nia scooted close and put her arm around Kitten, giving her a gentle squeeze.  "You guys can go play Switch now, I'm just gonna stay here and die."

"C'mon, Kitten, it's not that bad."

"It's terrible."

"When was the last time your dad ever had a girlfriend for more than a month or two?"

"Jenny was almost six months."

"And is she still around?"

"...No."

"Have you had to kill any of his other girlfriends?"

"...No."  Kitten shook the hair out of her face and looked glumly at her friends, who returned the look doing their best to hide their exasperation and amusement at her continued crusade against her dad's dating life.  "She's still a stupid whore."

"I'm sure she is," replied Benson, taking her hand in his and patting it.  "I've still got half an hour until my mom picks me up if you want to hang out."

"Okay..." said Kitten, and together the trio made their way down the hall and to the stairs, where Kitten had almost been returned to her usual spirits when the kids heard whispers from kitchen.

"...ust a little hint and I'll make it worth your while," said a teasingly melodic but stern female voice.

"You'll make it worth my while regardless if I snitch," replied a thunderous, rolling growl.

And with that Kitten Walker tore down the stairs in a fury, followed quickly by her friends, in time to catch her father, back turned, flanked by a pair of shapely legs - their owner obscured from view but whose identity Kitten already guess.

"AGAIN!" Kitten screamed as her dad whipped around to face her and his becountered paramour quickly slid to her feet, skirt being held down to preserve her dignity at the sudden appearance of middle schoolers.

"Kitten!" stammered Dru Walker as his daughter burst in him, his face as red with embarrassment as hers was with anger, "I didn't hear you come down the stairs."  He felt a hand on his shoulder as Barbara Gordon quickly stepped behind him to shield herself from the fury of his child, and the color of his face only deepened as he noticed Benson and Nia on her heels, "I didn't know you invited your friends over either."

A father/daughter stand off ensued as neither side could do nothing but stew and fume.  Finally, the pin dropped in the form Nia awkwardly waving her hand and addressing Barbara with a sheepish, "Hi."  Suddenly the storm clouds in the room, bar the one over Kitten, cleared and Dru straightened up as Barbara stepped out from behind him.

"Why don't you you introduce your friends, Kitten?"  Dru prodded his daughter.

Kitten folded her arms and gritted her teeth, "Guys, this is Barbara," she said, dripping with hate and emphasizing every syllable in the name.

"It's really nice to meet you both," replied Barbara with a smile, "but...," she pointed a finger at Nia and and squinted a bit, "we've met before right?  At the store with your parents?  You're...Nia?"

"Yes!" Nia perked up and smiled at being remembered.

"And you're?"

"Benson," replied the boy who broke out into a smile, which was mostly directed at Kitten's discomfort.

"Do you guys want some snacks?" Dru interrupted trying to get his daughter and maybe sorta girlfriend but not really apart before they started sniping at each other in front of guests.

"No, Mr. Walker, we were just going to play video games," chirped Nia as she grabbed Kitten and began pulling her towards the living room."

"Okay, just let me know."  He turned to Babs once he was sure his daughter had been successfully wrangled by her friends, "I'm going to get the rest of the stuff out of the car.  You might want to stay clear."

"I've handled worse," she replied as he headed back to the garage.  Just as she relaxed she turned to find Kitten standing in front of her, scowling.  With neither Dru nor a pair of kids around needing her to keep up appearances she scowled back.  "So..."

"At least you're wearing a skirt this time."

Babs felt her blood rise but bit her tongue, instead settling for a dismissive snort and making a brushing motion across her shoulder.  She wasn't going to be baited by a twelve year old with daddy issues.

"Why are you even with him?"

Babs was taken aback a bit by the accusation underlying the question and tried not to let Kitten notice.  Instead, she pushed aside the self-recrimination that flashed across her mind and bent down with her hands on her knees until she was eyeball to eyeball with girl.  "Because he's suuuuuuuuuper hot.  And that voice, wow."  She made an exaggerated shiver for punctuation as Kitten's mouth fell agape and the girl looked like she was stuck deciding between screaming in anger or disgust, then turned and walked towards the garage, hips swaying with each step.