Sailing the Seven Seas

	The singing jolted Lazarus out of his reverie, wheel slipping slightly in his hands. He tilted his head slightly after steadying the wheel in his sturdy, scarred arms, looking over the side of the small sloop into the water. Three young, purple haired women, bare to their navels looked back and their singing only intensified. Damn it, Lazarus Finnegan thought. More bloody sirens. Lashing the wheel and throwing the lever necessary to keep the sails in place to keep his north by west course steady he strode to one side of the boat, deck rolling under him to keep his stride long.
	"And who might you ladies be?" Lazarus bellowed to the women a hundred feet from the side of his boat, frolicking in the waves and singing loudly among themselves. They quieted after a moment, and tittered quietly to each other before two of them pushed the third towards him. The siren swam over to the side of his boat, blushing while the other two cheered her on in their strange, siren song.
	"I'm Lasia, sailor~. Will you come play with me?" Lasia clung to the side of the boat, arms positioned in such a way to squeeze her nude chest and frame it alluringly, but Lazarus held his gaze to hers.
	"No."
	Lasia sputtered. "But, aren't you-"
	"I ain't here to lay with a pretty lady, girl! I'm Lazarus Finnegan, Master Explorer and Adventurer Supreme! And trust me, you three ain't the first silver-tongued fishwomen to try and steal my glory, but Ol' Lazzy is too smart for ye!" Lasia's face had twisted to a mixture of shock, awe, and worry over the small rant, but Lazarus was not deterred.
	"Now go on, fishtits! Back with ye to the deep! There's adventurin' to do and no time to stay at home!"
	The girl swam back to her friends, and if Lazarus had known or cared, he would have noticed the tears on her face before they were washed away by the salt water. Again he took the wheel, checked his compass, and satisfied himself with the knowledge he was on the correct path. He returned to his statue-like pose at the wheel, feeling the wind in his long, brown hair and humming bars of songs only he knew to himself, master of the waves.

	Before being interrupted AGAIN by something smacking against the hull and nearly going onto the deck. Foul, black speech erupted from Lazarus' mouth before he grabbed his cutlass, lashed the wheel, and strode down the deck to whatever bloody monster was causing the issue this time. A woman made of what appeared to be translucent slime was halfway up the deck, her figure beautiful and perfect in the afternoon light.
	The Sea Slime turned her sultry gaze on Lazarus, clad as he was in the finest of cloths and cutlass in hand, drawn but at his side.
	"Hey there, sailor. Want to have a good time?" The 'sailor' scowled.
	"Ye got twenty seconds ta get off me ship, lass." The sea slime gave no outwards indication of hearing Lazarus, slowly rolling up the deck.
	"Come here, give me a hug, handsome~" she moaned out, arms stretching outwards for him.
	Lazarus' sword was in the air in the span of a heartbeat and the slime stopped it's movement towards him, eyes wide in fear. Sure, it wouldn't hurt her badly, but it could still sting.
	"I said, get off me ship. I ain't leavin' no ghost ship for the boys back in Turias." The slime's complains died in her throat and she slipped off the boat, falling back into the sea with a sound like pancake batter hitting a hot pan. Lazarus turned and sheathed his cutlass, striding back up to his wheel and grumbling. Would these damn monsters not leave him alone? That was the ninth today. He'd have to ask for some sort of monster repellent in the next port.
	And not ten minutes out there was another slam on his hull, followed by a wet slapping sound on the deck. Gods above and fiends below! Would these sex-crazed monsters never leave him be, Lazarus wondered. Again the wheel was lashed, the cutlass drawn and pointed as he turned to the stairs in time for the Kraken to look shocked.
	"Ara ara, is that a sword  or are you just happy-"
	"Get off me boat!" Lazarus yelled, gesticulating wildly with the sword.
	"I want to have me an adventure, and that don't involve being dragged off to the bottom of the ocean to be no homebody, tentacles! I ain't got time for your womanly charms or lovely figure! There's adventure out there!"
	"But I'm so alooone~ Won't you keep me compan-"
	"No! Find another man!" The kraken pouted at that one.
	"Can I at least travel with you for a bit? Swimming is so tiring compare to sailing."
	"Don't ye have to live in the water?"
	"It's not like I can't keep up." Lazarus scowled and cursed to himself.
	"Fine, but stay off me poop deck! I don't want you up here, tentacles. And don't get too cozy!"
	"Fine by me, darling~"
	"Don't call me that!"