Loonatic Erica Miller

Hey Aman. I hope I don't overwhelm you too much with any of this, and if I do... well... that's all on me, I guess.
Look. You're an absolutely amazing person to me, more than you'd believe it. You've helped me out in a lot of ways that's improved me for the better, even if it appears like tiny little contributions.
You were an amazing person to meet for the first time, hell, I thought it was one of the most interesting ways someone could introduce themselves to me...
You're definitely an irreplacable friend of mine. I think about a lot of things you've done for not just me-- but for all the other people you help out. It's rare knowing people like you, y'know...

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You've listened to me vent numerous of times, but I want to bring up a specific topic that points me as a major hypocrite. You've heard jists of my stories when it comes to -- relationships in HS and how I "absolutely hate them." I'm not here to talk about that stuff again, although for the past several months I've been beating myself up for something that is nearly impossible for me to talk about to you...

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I've had enough of fighting myself honestly. All I'm doing is just making it worse for me. I've constantly tried to push away this idea of thought or even bringing it more into a bigger thought in manner because...
I. Hate. It.
I'm going to say it anyways, because if it could potentially make me feel better after beating myself up over it for months, hey, I guess there's some improvement. Although, it's going to probably suck. real. fucking. bad. because it's going to make things soooo fucking awkward and ugh. At this point, I don't even fucking care what it does anymore. I just want to rid all of the grievances that linger around in my head still. I didn't want any of this to happen, but sometimes... it just happens... to the best of us... ruining our friendships and relationships with everyone... whoop de fucking do.
Enough bullshitting around. I'm not here just to overwhelm you a ton more, even though I'll do so anyways... Here goes nothing. Here goes all of the work I've put in to keep us as good friends, down the drain with the sudden lame awkwardness that I'm about to spew.
||For the past several months, for a long while now actually... I've had this huge crush on you. I've tried to refute it for the longest time possible, but the idea of it continues to take over my head day after day after day. I don't want to view it as a bad thing, but it is a bad thing. we all know what happens to crushes; they get CRUSHED. Everything gets awkward! wow! GG NO RE! :/...||

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I really hope your reaction goes well and not the complete opposite of what I really want it to be... If I'm not already a overly-transparent person -- I want to be as transparent as possible to my friends, because I feel like that is how you maintain that true trust value among your relationships.
If you have any questions, statements, comments, manifestos of how I've probably made you tear up a few strands of hair, just let me know. I'm willing to take anything. I don't fucking care anymore, the only thing I can see myself doing till the end of the school year and probably longer is just to run into open flames hoping i'll endure all the pain.

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That being said... I do want to apologize -- if that even helps anymore -- if I've made you uncomfortable. I say this a lot, because I can't read people -- or at least I try to read people but miserably fail... One of the weakest parts of me is how damn insecure I get when it comes to close friends of mine. I get all antsy and sometimes this complete monster when I get anxious over friends I care deeply about...
I know sometimes I may act "overly-affectionate" towards you, or *any* of my close friends... I act like that 'cause that's how I enjoy being around my close friends. Don't take that stuff too personal. It just makes me happy when I can do that stuff, anyways.
Alas, I hope we can remain chill buddies or still good/close friends over this. I'm really insecure when it comes to stuff like this, so the best thing I can think of is just being upfront about it.
Thanks for being there for me when I need it the most. If you can deal with me somehow, you can deal with any other lunatic you'll face in this world. :<>


~ Erica Miller / Loonatic