Thread 71: Stories 16-30

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>Sunset
"Variolus"
~~~

"Do we have an issue here? I feel like we have an issue here."

The pony rolled her eyes at her own reflection, which you would think would turn some heads but surprisingly managed to illicit very little reaction.

>Yes, we have a problem, getting to where the hell he is.

"...Where the what he is?"

>The hell. Heelllll.

"...What the fuck does that mean?"

>You don't know what hell means? How?

"It wasn't exactly in grander use in my time."

>Fiery place that all sinners go to.

"...According to who?"

>According to... uh... huh. Come to think of it, how DID Equestria get that term? That doesn't make any sense, it originated in the human world as a result of a series of religions and then was popularized by Christianity. Which... you know, we just plain do not have over here. This is confusing, and under normal circumstances I would investigate-

"Focus."

>I said normal! Nothing about this is normal!

"My sympathy for you is endless."

>Oh fuck off, I got a rock where my heart should be.

"Oh fuck off, I got my head ripped off."

>Is that what happened!?

"I assume it. I don't remember much after she grabbed hold and started pulling at the neck, but I do remember a lot of tearing sounds."

>...

"Sad to say, I actually probably earned that one."

>Speaking of, what the fuck happened there? All I saw was a snowy village, some changelings attacking and you growing huge.

"That's the short of it, before I got my head ripped off."

>Well, what happened after that?

"Don't have the foggiest."

>...whyyyy? Doesn't that seem sort of limiting for a HIVEMIND if you can't access other memories?

"Doesn't the entire idea of a hivemind seem pointless if you can't keep out things you don't like? Newsflash, they did not fucking like me. Which proved quite fortuitous to you, I admit, since otherwise you would have the entirety of every dead changeling to ever be hammering at your mind, but not for me. They fucking do not like me, and sealed me off."


>Wait, why? Why wouldn't they like you?

"...The... the whole Chitania thing. Obviously. Fucking obviously."

>And this is a problem becaaaause? According to Twilight's files, you guys were at each other's throats twenty four seven, why would one Queen killing another be that big of a deal?

"...how much do you know about Chitania, really?"

>Not much, sadly. Apparently, according to the translation file, they are in the process of decoding her journal, but low and behold! She didn't put that in the database. All I know is that she can grow to Titan form, was defeated by Chrysalis's mother and sealed away in the ice, is very hard to kill, and punched her brother so hard he had a hoofprint mark on his liver, allegedly.

"..."

>That last one was a joke, I actually know every detail about what happened during her rampage... unless her and Chrysalis talked. I know she tried to crush her, but-

"Oh, that's a shame."

>...A shame, you say?

"Oh yes, her and the little one were quite- oh ho ho ho! No no, little pony, I've promised you the secret of the Titan, and nothing else. A Queen must keep it close to her chest, after all."

>Whatever. Now... how do I go to the Empire without arousing suspicion?

"Why would that matter?'

>Oh, I don't know, I just broke several laws, broke into a building and DIED briefly, maybe something I don't want getting out! I'm back for not two days and I'm already being kept alive by a magical changeling pacemaker.

"...A what?"

>A- you know what it doesn't matter. Look, I just need to get to the Empire so you can talk to what's his face, right?

"Thirty Two. One of my Hive."

>Right, that one, one with the explosive collar-

"THE WHAT NOW!?"

>You are out of the loop, aren't you?

"FUCK! Listen, I might need you to kill one of them-"

>No.

"I am so out of the loop!"

>Not my problem.

"No, your problem is explaining why you're arguing with your reflection."

>My wha... hi, mister guard.

"HA!"

>FUCK YOU!... NO NOT YOU!

"HA!"

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>???
____

56 may not have known where he was going down the many wall of Canterlot castle, but he knew he was procrastinating.

And with damn good reason. Trying to persuade your not-mom to allow permanent residence with the very species that caused her so much trouble… well, awkward was the least of it. Granted, his not-mom had pretty much started them off down a path of ill-will with the whole ‘blarrrgh takeover and drain your love’ thing at the wedding. And what’s more, the species she recently moved in with were the same as the ones she'd just left only… nicer? Maybe. To 56, he didn’t see a difference. One was just sparklier than the other.

Maybe not-mom liked shiny things?

Wait a minute. Shiny. Shiny things. Shiny and-

>You know... it’s been a long day, without you my friend….

56 paused in his jumbled up train of thought, glancing further down the hallway at the sudden singsong tone.

>And I’ll tell you all about it when I see you again.

Spike was strolling towards him, matching the Changeling step for step, continuing to sing.

>We’ve come a loooong way from where we began…

As the two grew closer, there was no eye-contact, no farewell bump of hoof against claw, no, they merely kept walking, passing each other by with nothing but a shared grin and Spike’s parting lyric.

>Yeah, I’ll tell you all about it when you visit again.

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>AJ
"Chitania"
'PM'
~~~~

You would think, as a princess, she could put off stuff like this for as long as she liked. She could always find some excuse why she was just plain too busy to come over and talk to the giant monster changeling she clearly wanted nothing at all to do with. But, eventually, an odd mix of her own curiosity and her own pride had forced her hoof.

If she was being honest, and she rarely wasn't, it actually confused her a bit why nobody had ever really called her out on this. She had, essentially, told the creature that destroyed their city that if she hit one of their friends really hard she would clear her of all wrongdoing and make her free. She had even included a clause that said she wouldn't let someone else come over and try to get justice that, obviously, they rightfully deserved. She had done all of this for her own reasons, had done it without asking anyone else, and yet nobody had come up to her and at the very least called her a dumbass or something.

Who knows, maybe after Chrysalis slipped in 'that bill' under her watch, ponies just plain didn't think her capable of thinking clearly anymore. Maybe she wanted to talk to her just to show everyone she wasn't completely ignoring the problem.

Or, most likely, she knew this would be at best a two line conversation and wanted it over with.

With that glimmering hope in her chest, she strode purposefully into the library, walked over to the table containing the Queen with her nose buried in some tome and surrounded on all sides by a wall of literature that would make Twilight salivate, and took her seat next to the suddenly stock still, frightened mare that constantly remained with the changeling.

Deciding to kill two birds with one stone, she turned to the less-annoyed one first.

>Howdy.

The earth pony mare blinked. Once, twice, a whole host of times. Seemingly confused that, for once, someone was actually talking to her.

'H-...howdy?'


>She hurtin' ya'? Noticin' a lotta makeup there that's cover stuff up. Iffin' she is, just tell me, Ah' can toss her out if she is.

She deflated immediately, slumping inwards just a bit.

'Oh... no no. She's not hurting me or anything. Nothing to give you a reason to do anything. In fact, she's been pretty nice!'

>...Ah' doubt that.

She would have asked more under normal circumstances, but right now she was simply done, and wanted this over with.

>Chitania.

"Applejack."

>Oh hey, ya' remember mah' name.

"You must be thrilled, fuck off."

She took a deep, steadying breath. One question and she could leave. Like a band-aid, just rip it off.

>Arana wants ta' know iffin' we can tell Chrysalis what we saw in yer' head.

It was a rare sight to watch her go completely, deathly still. Even rarer to see her put the book down slowly and deliberately. It wasn't quite as rare a sight to see her hooves shaking with barely contained rage, and a hot burning glare in her eye.

Discreetly, the mare beside her shuffled away slightly.

"You mean, you haven't told of what you saw already?"

>Course not, Ah'm not gonna give them somethin' like that. That was between you and her, nobody else, and nobody needs ta' know bout that other part cept you.

"And yet, Arana wants to speak of it...Explain."

She had been hoping for a 'no', actually, but she supposed she was going to have to deal with this.

>Not that whole thing with you and yer' youngin', that part ya' figured out later. She wants to know iffin' we can tell Chrysalis.

"...Arana does?"

>Yep.

"...Innnteresting."

That, more than any other angry or wild response she could have given instead, positively chilled her.

>And just why is that?

"Hm? Oh, it's just that Sciderella was particularly disliked and thought of as a monster. It is expected that Arana has a bit of... spite."

>Ya' don't say.

"I take it Arana and my dear 'niece' are not on the best of terms?"

>She tried ta' set her on fire.

"HAHA!"

Terrifyingly, she grinned.

"Perhaps..."

>Just tell me no.

She paused, thoughtful in her regard to the younger royal.

>Look, it ain't right ta' be dredgin' up things that done past by already just cause she wants a bit o' revenge fer' all the things the dang bug monster said. Just tell me no so Ah' can go tell her ta' drop it.

"...Really now..."

She leaned forwards, quite searching in her gaze.

"You do not wish your own little bit of retribution? Chrysalis has quite the ego on her, after all, I know that quite well. Do you not wish your own little bit of spite? Do you not wish your own little bit of revenge? Perhaps this would take her down a few pegs."

She moved so fast, even Chitania had trouble keeping up. Shooting to her hooves in the blink of an eye, and using the table to prop her up enough she could look the other mare on a level plain.

>It ain't right goin' after her folks like that! Nobody should go after someone's folks after they done passed, ya' hear!? It ain't right when Chrysalis does it, and it sure as shootin' wouldn't be right iffin' ya'll did it!

"You say that, I disagree. I think them fair game. Especially considering the... incident. I'm a little bitter."

She shifted forwards, her voice raising ever so slightly.

>It ain't right Ah' said!

"And why is that? You seem quite personal on this. Did someone make fun of your parents?"

Red began to cross her cheeks, almost glowing with rage.

>Don't you dare! Don't you even go there!

"So, that was it. Well-"

>Ah' think' ya'll would be the last one who wants ta' talk about terrible parents after what you did!

The room went dead. As if the air itself had died in mid flight. Nothing but cold, deathly, silence.

The time ticking away may as well have been the swing of a pendulum blade. Lowering down deeper, and deeper, threatening to finally reach the end and carve away whatever lied beneath it.

From the look in Chitania's eyes, that thing was, quite likely, Applejack's neck.


At this point, the mare beside her had tossed away all pretense, and dove behind the nearest cover she could find.

But despite the fire, the burning, the smell of death in the air, neither moved, until...

For the very first time ever before the Queen's eyes, Applejack backed down, took her seat, and looked away in shame.

>...Sorry. That... that was fuckin' low. Ah' didn't... damn it, Ah'm sorry.

She sighed, actually sighed, and took off her hat.

>Iffin' ya' want a swing at me fer' that one, ya' can, that was... that wasn't right. It ain't a trap, Ah'm not gonna arrest ya'. Throwin' that back in yer' face had ta' hurt worse.

But she didn't.

To Applejack's eternal surprise, she didn't. She didn't move, didn't strike her, didn't do nothing of the sort.

All she did was scoff.

"If you think some petty insults at my failure are enough to goad me into striking a royal, you're as fucking stupid as you look."

>Ah' told ya', Ah' ain't-

"And I do not believe you. I believe you want me to strike you so you can deny what you just said and sick your army on me. Well, too bad. I did what I did, it happened, I can't take it back and I can't fix it, the end. I've moved on, found a new purpose, a new life, and I'm not letting my failure drag me down like some mewling whelp. The weak cling to their memories and cherish them as infallible and something to be defended, the strong forge ahead when those memories would bring them down, the end."

Resigned, she gave up, placing the hat back on her head.

>Sounds like ya' know that one by heart.

"It was a favorite saying of my mother's. That and "Do you want me to eat you"? That one came up a lot. Not that I expect you ponies to understand what it takes to obtain real power."

She rolled her eyes, not even bothering to respond to that lest she get drawn into another villain monologue. Had enough of those from Chrysalis, thank you.

"...Tell Arana she has full authority to tell Chrysalis exactly what she saw, regarding the... later learned incident. I think it would be perfectly fitting punishment for that bitch."

She winced, actually winced at that one.

>...Ya' sure? Might give ya' a sign of weakness.

"I'm sure."

>...Are ya' sure?

"Yes."

>...Really?

"I'm not going to get mad and yell at you."

She was being coy now, as coy as a cat with a ball of yarn.

>...Iffin' yer' okay with it, guess it ain't none of mah' business.

"Oh, but do tell Arana to do me a favor... bring a camera, and let me see the look on Chrysalis's face when she says it."

A growl bubbled up in the princesses throat, matched only by the intensity in her glare.

>... ya'll almost got what'cha want? Ah'm ready fer' ya' ta' be outta mah city now.

"In time, Princess Applejack, in time. I'm almost there... and there is nothing you can do to stop me."

She shoved away, angry, almost a little bitter at the table seemingly. She started to stomp off, only stopping when she looked to the mare still peering aroudn the corner.

>Iffin' she does anythin' ta' ya', and Ah'm includin' verbal, ya'll tell me so Ah' can deal with her.

Long gone was the sparkle of wonder in the mare's eyes, Applejack noticed. Instead... she almost looked a little angry.

'Sure, I'll get right on that.'

With a sigh, Applejack continued on her way, out of the library that contained the grinning changeling, and out towards... somewhere.

As much as she hated to admit it... she probably shouldn't let Arana be the one to do the talking. As much as Chrysalis deserved it, and oh, she deserved this one, she just didn't have the cruelty in her to let this be dropped by someone who would obviously spite her the whole way.

It seemed she needed to go and... have a little talk with the queen.

The other Queen that drove her mad every day.

>...Ah' hate these friggen bug monsters....

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NC
>Pommel
“AJ”
____

Deep breath.

Deeeep breath.

Okay, too deep… shit, light-headed….

Screw it, normal breaths, in and out, in and out.

For the life of him, Pommel didn’t know why the simple act of propositioning Applejack about his and Diamond Tiara’s plan was giving him the shakes. He’d fought, and bested, eldritch monsters of lore for crying out loud!

This? This right here? This should be a cakewalk!

Glancing his proposal papers over once more, for the fortieth time, Pommel nodded, flared his nostrils, and bravely pushed open the princess’s door.

>Princess Applejack, a word if I may!

Strong beginning, straight to the point- good start to hopefully a good end.

>Now, I know you already gave your say and this is going to seem completely off the walls strange but I would really, really, REALLY appreciate it if… if you….

Glancing up for the first time, Pommel beheld the apple princess, staring inquisitively at him, no doubt pulled from whatever she’d previously been doing by his sudden entrance.

Unfortunately, he was thrown off track after seeing the current state of her mane, at all the clips holding bunches of hair in a chaotic fashion.

>...

"...Yeh?"

>...You know what? I need a second. And I think you do to. I'll try this again later....

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>DT
"SS"
'Salespony'
[Peacetrotter]
~~~~
>Ugh...my head. Why do adults drink? It's so stupid.

"...does your dad know you've been drinking?"

>Don't tell my...you know what let's change the subject.

"Okay...a random topic...you want to explain why you picked the Peacetrotters?"

>...

~Flashback~
'Here we have our Muscle Relaxer gun. If it has a muscle, it'll relax it! Their limbs will feel like noodles.'

>...and?

'...it was originally made to help ponies that have constipation, so whoever you hit it with will very likely also lose control of their bowels.'

>Uh huh...next.

'This here is a Lemon-ade. It's a grenade that's bursting with lemonade and the force is guaranteed to stun and blind your target.'

>...why lemonade?

'Because when life gives you lemons, throw them back! Originally, our lead inventor Dr. Bright had the bright idea to make instant lemonade, but turns out their more useful as stun grenades.'

>...Do any of your products actually work as they originally intended?

'...we also have Pink Lemon-ade!'

>...I suppose...
A worker wheels in a robot from the back.
>...Mom?

'Is something the matter?'

>Uh no...just thought that robot looked like somepony I know.

'Ah, this is the Peacetrotter Mark I. She has the most advance AI around. While she's now a personal defense bot, she was originally designed to be a nanny that takes care of kids. Very user friendly. She's kind, caring, protective and will be there by your side when you need her most.'

She tears up.
>She uh...she sounds perfect...the best.

'They're so smart, they'll try to sell themselves!'

>...What do you mean recycled?

'Nopony bought her, so we're planning to scrap her for parts to recoup our losses.'

>Ahhh uh, I'll...I'll buy her.

[Thank you very much for saving me, miss. I would gladly give my life for you.]

'I sold one! This is going to get me a raise for sure. I wish more ponies bought the Peacetrotters though. They were such a market failure that the entire line is going to be recycled. Now about the Pink Lemon-ade'

>Make me a deal!

'On the Pink Lemon-ade?'

>The Peacetrotters. Make me a deal and...I'll buy the entire line!

'...I smell promotion.'

~End Flashback~
>I...bought them because they're clearly the best. That's all.

"That's it? Nothing about the way they look?"

>N-Nope. They can also keep food cold and prevent bugs from getting into your food. Great for picnics. I get hungry you know?

"...okay, I get it."


~Addendum because it didn't flow right~

>Did I do anything weird last night while I was...you know. My memory's a little fuzzy.

"Um..."

~Flashback~
>Spike, I messed up...I did something rash...and put you in bad position because of it...I want you to know...jush that I'm sorry...I hope I can make this up to you someday...

{You're...apologizing?}

>...Yeah...yeah, I guess I am.

{...why does this make me so scared?}
~End Flashback~

"...nothing that you should be worried about."

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 >DT
~~~

She was three seconds from drooling.

She would never admit it, but she was minutes away from drooling her little heart out. She was mere seconds away from squealing like it was her birthday and she had just gotten a bedazzled totebag.

...What? She still liked fashionable things, she wasn't all about the artillery.

Except for right now, that is! Right now she was all about the artillery.

Her hooves practically scraped at the box, at that wonderful box that held her requested item. Pennydrop had delivered, just as she said she would, and all those schematics she had given to the mare suddenly felt worth it. She had been a little weary working with her, of course, but she was proving to be an ally that pulled through every time. Those were rare... and she appreciated them.

Her newest acquisition would be difficult to hide from her father, but if there was one thing Diamond Tiara was good at, it was hiding things away. She was a growing mare after all.

But she would not hide it forever, of course. She would show them all someday. She would show them all just what she, Diamond Tiara, was truly capable of.

What both of them were truly capable of, her and TBDRLIATU, together.

Applejack didn't understand just how important they were? That was fine. That would all change the day she showed off what she was, deep down inside. She would see that she was different, she was special.

He was the Best Damn Rocket Launcher In All The Universe.

She was Diamond Tiara.

And they'd understand, in time.

>Don't worry, sexy... you'll get your revenge for what she did to you. She broke you twice... think it's time you returned the favor

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Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Babs Seed"
~~~~
>Welcome to Not Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content does matter and lunch breaks are magic! Now for our main guest...BABS SEED!!!

"Hey."

>How's the Manehatten chapter of the Cutie Mark Crusaders?

"It's going-"

>Nobody cares though. I'm sorry, but folks can not fit you in.

"...ouch."

>Yeah...yeah....that's our show, thanks for joining!

"You're going to end it on that note?!"

>Uh...you're always welcome in my show...but yeah that's how I'm ending it.
Babs wakes up.

"Wow...rude"

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>SA
"Chrysalis"
'?'
~???~
~~~

>...How am I supposed to react to this, exactly?

"I find it hilarious."

>Now, see, that just makes me think I, personally, should find it horrifying.

"Rude."

>You say that, I say 'honest'.

"I've come to attribute honesty to dickery here recently."

>That explains so much.

"But really, what's the problem? I don't see it?"

>...

'Alright, one more time guys!'

~Oh, okay... kick it off?~

~Dun nun nun nun nun DUN DUN DUNNNNN~

~AHHHHH!~

~IT'S BUGZILLAAAAA!~

'RAWWWR! SMASH CRASH RAWRRRRRR!'

~PEW PEW PEW~

~OUR TANKS DO NOTHING!~

~RRRRRRRAWWWWW!~

"...nooot seeing it."

>Aren't you a little bothered they're spending so much time on this?

"Shiny, half of my hive just built a model-replica city and are acting in character. To be honest, the fact she can wrangle them like this makes a tear come to my eye."

>...Fair point. Still considering past history-

"Shhhhh... don't ruin this for me."

'SKRRRRROOOONNNNNK!'

~...How did she do that?~

~Changeling?~

~Oh, right.~

>...Okay, fine, this is pretty funny.

"Told you so."

'SKRRRROOOONNNNNNK!'

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>Bat-mom
"Dadling"
~~

>Are you sure you're going to be okay?

"NO! I'M NOT! WHY ARE YOU LEAVING ME!?"

>I'm not leaving you, dear, I'm going to work. You know, work? Where you get bits for things, like food! We can't live off love... and I just now realize that phrase means nothing to you, you cheap ass species you.

"You don't need a job! What about that thing!?"

>Maternity leave is leave for MATERNITY, as in, you know, when I'm pregnant?

"...is that really what that means?"

>Actually, pretty sure no. No that is not. Point is, it's only supposed to be paying me while I'm pregnant, not after the baby is born. At that time, I am expected to go back to my JOB and do my WORK.

"...Are you sure?"

>I'm pretty sure.

"Are you ssuuuuurrreee?"

>The suggestive eyes and subtly flashing up that claw is not going to change anything. I have to eat FOOD. I need money for FOOD. To eat!

"...I can grow crops."

>Honey.

"Hunt for squirrels?"

>DEAR!

"...I uh... I'm a little afraid of being left alone."

>You do remember you hold her and watch her waayyyy more than me, right? You're pretty ready for this.

"..."

>...You're going to be fine.

"Menneehhhhhhhh..."

>Sorry honey, duty calls, serving Equestria!

"...O-okay. I'll... lock the doors and all that."

>Atta boy. You'll be fine, don't worry.

"...You sure you don't have any time before you have to go?"

>Now, I didn't say THAT, I do have an hour and need a shower first...

"..."

>...we're wearing protection this time.

"FUCKING OBVIOUSLY!"

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >29
"Ghost kid"
'???'
[???]
~~~

"Why'd you stop mister?"

The floating ethereal peagsi next to him was a little concerned. Not that any could join in her concern, or address her concern since nobody else could see her. Only this funny guy who talked funny, walked funny and acted funny ever looked at her, and spoke to her... except for right now, obviously. Normally he looked funny for a different reason too, looking like a funny bug, but instead he looked funny because he looked like an old pony. A funny old pony with a great big beard.

>...what is that...

"What's the matter, mister?

>There is this... feeling.

"Well, what'dya eat? Stuff I ate in the orphanage didn't exactly stay steady when it was inside."

He ignored that, sadly. She was hoping he would make another funny face like he did when she normally talked about this stuff, but instead his disguised eyes just looked around the world, seeking, scanning.

>Something... is very wrong...

"Oh no!... Waiiit, that guy who was chasing you isn't around, nobody else is jumping!"

>No, something... in my head...

"You mean you've got a headache?"

>...A tone... I hear... no, no I feel something. There's something wrong.

"What do you..."

She saw it. There, behind him, over his shoulder. There was a lady over there...

And she was glowing.

'No, we cannot just stab them!'

[It worked well for me.]

'Also, stop making me say stuff like this out loud, it's getting very hard to keep it down.'

[No, this is far funnier.]

Her reflection was... talking to her. Talking and moving all by herself.

She watched, rapt, as she continued past, trotting off to her own little thing...

And then she was gone.

>...It's gone.

"Huh... think it has anything to do with the glowing lady?"

>The what? Oh, what an imagination thine youth holds!

"...Says the bug pony to the ghost?"

>...Touché.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

NC!

>56
“???”
____

Thonk!

>OW!

“And who let a perverted brat like you roam the halls unsupervised?”

>HOW DO YOU MANAGE TO HURT ME SO EASILY?

Thunk!

>GRGH!

“Inside voice, you, and because I know right where to hit idiots. Ask my husband.”

>Low blow…

“No, this is a low blow.”

Thud!

>WHEN I GET BACK I’M TELLIN’ MOONS ON YOU!

“Hm, color me intrigued. Where exactly are you headed? Social worker? Therapist?”

>No… I’m on my way to see not-mom ‘bout lettin’ me stay here.

“It’s only because you mean something to my hubby that I’m curious. So out with it, brat. Your family’s over there in the Empire. Why are you trying to stay here, with us? And if you say it’s so you can further sexually harass my princess then I swear-”

>I wanna join the night guard so I can protect Moons, you, NTL, my prissy cuz, my bro, an' a whole bunch of others who make my days jus’ a little bit brighter….

“…Are… are you serious? This isn’t some sort of joke, is it?”

>A joke? I’m ‘bout to risk what might possibly be the biggest tellin’ off in changeling history! I don’t like gettin’ yelled at, Batcrazy, I wouldn’t be doin’ this jus' for kicks an’ giggles.

“Huh. Going up against your twisted shrew of a mother, eh?”

>Eeeyup, an’ no amount of booty magic is gonna help….

When Glimmer lifted her hoof, 56 flinched.

But she only ruffled his mane.

“Well I’ll be damned. The brat’s actually thinking with his brain for once. You’d really risk getting love-drained into a husk for my princess?”

>…

“Hey, hey, no need to turn green! …But I have heard some stories, not pretty. Still! That’s good, that’s real good. Assuming you make it back in one piece, how exactly does a little brat like you plan on joining my guard?”

>I have no freakin’ clue. Moons gave me the vaguest clue possible so I- wait a plot-sniffin’ minute… did you jus’ say… YOUR guard?

“Hm? Well, yeah. MY guard.”

And she gave the laziest salute ever.

“Night Guard Captain Glimmer at your service, brat.”

>…

“Well, soon-to-be captain, once I relieve my stand-in.”

>WHWHWHWHAAAAAT?

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

NC, durp.
>Chrysalis
“???”
~~~~

>MWAHAHAHAHA FINALLY! FINALLY THE TIME HAS COME! Ultimate power… limitless love… I am this world’s Queen now! I rule all I see before me! Everyone and everything is finally mine! Kneel, you mortals! Kneel and know true dominance! For this! Is! GODMO-

*PSSSH*

>GAAAAAH THE FUCK?!

“Settle yer’ ass down, Buggy. Eighth time this week ya’ done tried this. What, ya think Ah’ suddenly ran outta spray?”

>H-how DARE you use such underhanded tactics, you rotten little bi-

*PSH*

>AAAAAH QUIT THAT DAMN IT! I AM QUEEN!

“Yer’ queen of this pain in mah’ ass an’ that’s all. Now git’ on back to Shiny ‘fore Ah break out the double strength spray.”

>…Meep.

“There’s a good queen."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Vekir
"Celestia"
'Watchdog'

"Ohhhh Sunrise Orange, you delicious little slice, I usually keep you in reserve for special occasions, but today I intend to treat myself, yes I doooo~ I-..."

>...

'...huh, I thought she was about to f-'

>Silessia Princess, hallo!

"Vekir, and...have we met?"

'Huh? Oh, nope. Watchdog...'

"But you're-"

'Yeaaaah that name was cleverer when I was all clockworky steam powered. I'm gonna work on that.'

"Right...Vekir, why are you being followed around by a gigantic robotic diamond dog?"

>Aha, Silessia Princess-

"Still need to get you guys a speaking tutor."

>-this giant robot dog shall guard my body while Vekir travels the land, Ambassadorializing in the name of the Morlocks!

"Really?"

>Yes.

"This guy?"

'Yeah?'

"Huh...so, you're really going?"

>Yes, it is true Silessia Princess, Vekir shall at last go forth, brave dangers, meet leaders, MAKE TRADES!

'Slay monsters, punch bad guys, get endorsement deals...'

"..."

'What?'

"I...I must say I'm almost surprised, Vekir. You truly intend to just go around the world?"

>Until Vekir's book is filled! Wait, no...

"Hm?"

>Vekir is silly, she knows she must leave one page. Helmet off.

The armor of Vekir's helmet fell away, leaving her to gaze up into Celestia's eyes.

>Vekir shall leave a whole page for all the Princesses of the City of White...Vekir only has to go once to get all, right? It is not that she has to go around the world once for every one, yes?

"No no, one is fine."

>Hurrah and hurray, Silessia Princess, then when the day of Vekir's return comes, she shall gain those names! Until then...

She had to get up on her hind legs, but the little Morlock pressed her cheek against Celestia's chest, forelegs wrapping around forelegs as her reaching the Princess' neck was a pipe dream.

>Thank you muchly for being Vekir's friend.

With a smile, Celestia patted the tiny Morlock's head.

"Do your people proud, Vekir."

>I shall! Come, Robot Dog! We must say goodbye to all of Vekir's friends before the Catbirds leave for their Keen Newt!

Like a flash she was off...

...like a flash, she was back, gently placing the royal slipper she had almost made off with at the Princess' hoof.

>Vekir has to work on this, Vekir knows. FAREWELL!

"...farewell, little one."

'...'

"..."

'...so uh, hey, can I have your autograph?'

"Go."

'OKAY!'

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >SA
"Twilight"
~~~

>...Hey, Twili?

"Yeah?"

>Do I... enable Chrysalis too much? Is that something I actually do?

"..."

>...

"...Oh look, puppies!"

>One, that is disheartening, two, there are no puppies-

*ZAP!*

>...Did you just use your vast alicorn magic to create a faux-puppy to avoid talking to me?

"PUPPY!"

>This seems like a grieve misuse of powers.

"PUPPPPYYYYYY!"

>...Twili this hurts.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Pommel
"AJ"
~~~

Bronze Pommel was not a lawyer.

One would think this would have been obvious considering his dress, mannerisms, lack of overall court presence and a distinct absence of a diploma on his walls, but he felt the need to clarify this, if only to himself. Mostly because he had been looking over a couple legal documents regarding the continued presence of a one Diamond Tiara in regards to the training of military personnel of Equestria's national forces.

To be blunt, it was not good.

To be more blunt, but somehow even less kind, it was literally impossible.

Ignoring for a fact she's underage for any official work regarding Equestria's military by a wide, wide margin. Ignoring for a fact she had been ordered no to be let near the training. Ignoring for a fact she and Applejack had just plain been on bad terms for a while... actually, don't ignore any of that, this is just plain impossible.

So, realizing that taking it head on and trying to bash his head into it was going to fail spectacularly, he decided to go another route. One which, hopefully, did not end with those robots in his military.

Fucking robots.

"Come in."

And in he went, trotting up to the princess with purpose and stride.

"What can Ah' do ya' for?"

And then laying it all out as fast as he possibly could.

>Okay, I have some major complaints here. First and foremost, has there really not been any official trainer? Look, no captain of the guard, I get that, but not even an official overseer to make sure that everyone is training? Really!?

She was already blinking in shock, but he had no time to waste. He needed it all out, now.

>Oh, and then, and THEN, it turns out these guys are just getting robots and bringing them in as personal property!? Did we have literally zero oversight before I stepped in YESTERDAY!? Yesterday! Yesterday is when I got here, and I'm seeing that this is the first time we've had any sort of regulation or standards or anything! What the fuck, Princess!?

She opened her mouth, he could talk faster.

>Oh and then, and THEN, it turns out that Princess Luna herself has been using dreams to aide in recruitment!? Good initiative, yeah, but isn't that super illegal!? I just feel like her going into your brain to advertise working for the military is the kind of Dystopian shit you see in horror stories, you know? The worst part? IT WORKED! The princess enlisted the help of a third party, went into ponies brains and then essentially told them to join the military! That's just creepy if nothing else and it's the only reason we have any recruits! This is a complete clusterfuck of legendary proportions, and I would have liked at least a little heads up before you dropped literally all of this shit on my lap!

Again, she tried to talk, but as it turns out lack of oxygen is only a suggestion, rather than a hindrance when he wants to talk.

>Thank Celestia the A-team helped out with the training or else-

"WAIT WHAT!? Spike ain't been around there, and Seven retired!"

Damn. The only thing stronger than a fast-talk, good old fashioned country force.

>Hm? Oh, actually it was the demolition expert, Diamond Tiara who's been manning that, but that's a really minor issue next to-

"SHE'S WHAT!? WHAT DID YA'LL JUST SAY!?"

Ah. Apple country rage. Changing the subject was futile, he now knew.

Damn. So, apparently, plan A was a bust-

"AH'LL TEAR THE HIDE RIGHT OFF THAT GAD DANGED PRISSY LITTLE NO GOOD DADDY'S PRINCESS AND MAKE HER INTA' A FREAKIN' PURSE!"

Aaaaaand, there goes plans B through X.

Is this what it felt like to have your plans utterly crumble before your eyes? He did not like this. Still time for Plan y! Play the fool!

>Foooooor... what now? What's wrong with bringing in a special forces member to train again? I was actually fine with that part.

"AH' KICKED HER OFF THE A-TEAM! SHE AIN'T NOTHIN' NOW!"

>Oh... oh! I see why you'd be mad. Whelp, need to know how bad to make this, why was she disbarred. Blew someone up? Injured a civilian? Embezzled funds? I need to know what to look out for here.

"Wha- no! Ah' kicked her off the team cause she was injured and Ah' wasn't havin' it no more!"

>Injured? That's it? As in, she got injured in a mission? Come on, at least she did some reckless endangerment to some civilians, right?

"Well, no, she actually managed ta' lead 'em- that's beside the point! Ah' told her not ta' be near any military forces no more!

Thank you, Celestia!

>Oh... uh, fantastic? But I can't really punish her for that. See, if she had given you a reason to kick her off besides 'got injured by something', I could at least tell her that she's endangering my guys, but if she just got hurt by someone-

"Chitania."

>...now, see, I'm seeing further issues in punishment here. You see that, right? You do realize if I went up to my men and said "I'm punishing this filly because she got injured by the monster who ATE ME", I would look kind of bad. You see my issue? I have an issue.

"No, ya'll leave that gad danged little thing ta' me, Ah'll handle it-"

>Wow, that looks even worse. "Hey, guys! Where's that filly who's been helping you, you ask? Oh, the Princess just told her not to be around you anymore. Why yes, that IS supposed to be my job!"

"AH' SAID AH'LL HANDLE IT!"

>Oh sure, now you want to handle it. Fucking month on end with dropping numbers and no training, but now-

"WHAT!?"

>Princess? I mean no disrespect, but the fact it got this bad, the fact you didn't care enough to notice that she's been training and recruiting for two weeks now, really undermines my position when you say you're going to cut in and essentially-

The slam of her hooves was louder than any bombshell, the glare in her eyes hotter than any minotaur-killing laser, the growl more dangerous than even a rabid dragon.

In short, Princess Applejack was pissed.

"Now you listen here, Ah'm not lettin' that little filly waste her gad-danged childhood fightin' monsters, riskin' her life and spendin' it with a bunch o' soldiers. She needs a childhood, a CHILDHOOD, or she's gonna end up a friggen monster who ain't got no regard for anythin' but fightin'. This can't be her whole life, Pommel, and Ah' don't care how bad it makes you look, how bad it makes me look, or how bad it makes Equestria look, or any of that hogwash. Ya' hear me? She ain't gonna lose her life like this, and Ah' ain't tellin' her daddy his little girl died cause o' mah dumb ideas! YA' GOT ME YA' GAL DANGED STALLION!?"

He waited, keeping his stare level with hers and keeping his movement short, and his breathing easy.

>...Well, you've done a bangup job so far.

"WHAT DID YA'LL SAY!?"

>I said, good job! You clearly have been doing great. I mean, she's only just been doing exactly that for what, two weeks now? No, I'm sure just saying 'no' is clearly enough there, no followup needed! No, seriously, have you even spoken to her once after you kicked her off? Checked in to make sure she wasn't going into some underground fighting ring? Just making sure she hasn't been dealing with any injuries? ANYTHING?

He had never once, never a single time, seen her so utterly stunned her mouth dropped open in a stunned gape. And to be frank, he did not like it one little bit.

But still, she wasn't talking, and an advantage is an advantage.

>Look, I get where you're coming from here. Trust me, I've SEEN child soldiers. I don't know how many you personally have encountered, but personally, I've seen them up close, I fought a couple even, and it's fucking ugly. It's not something I would wish on anyone, and obviously I don't want Diamond Tiara turning into... that. Her as one of those is fucking terrifying.

He shuddered, his mind going back to some of the... worse places he had visited. He was being truthful here, her being like that did terrify him.

>But at the same time, come on. She charged up against a supermonster with nothing but a rocket launcher she built. And despite the fact she was so badly injured you said 'no more', well, she didn't change, did she? Applejack, come on. If being punched by a giant monster isn't going to stop her, why did you think you yelling at her would? Well, for whatever reason you thought that, it didn't. It did no such thing, she did no such thing, and when the opportunity arouse to do some teaching she took it. And to be fair, that's not a bad idea! She trained with the A-team, and one of them was Forty Two... FORTY TWO! She's fucking amazing as a fighter! She's a general for an army that whooped our asses, mine included! Diamond Tiara had more training and fought more dangerous stuff than anyone in that army, and you know it. And I want you to know, it obviously broke her heart when she couldn't be a part of that anymore. You gave her something special, and then you took it away and left her to it, and it hurt.

That fire was rising again, and he knew that he was only going to get one more shot at this.

>...Look, I don't want a child solider, okay? I do not want her in my army until she's legal and hopefully not until she's at least grown up a bit. She's a brat, a spoiled little brat who thinks really highly of herself. But at the same time, she's got something... special, you know? A real something that makes her want to be there, in the action, in the line of fire, and be a part of it and make a difference. Is it just her ego? I don't know! All I know is I can't just ban her from being around them, and I can't just turn a blind eye to her. If I do, she'll just go somewhere else and do it with someone else. What are you going to do, ban her from traveling, speaking to any adult and anything remotely dangerous?

"Iffin' Ah' have to."

Her hard tone had the underlying flavor of "And I'm a princess, so I can do that" to it, and it unnerved him a bit.

>Oh yeah, that'll work. Just like kicking her out and then just saying whatever worked just fine. No, it's way better to do that than keep an eye on her, that'll fix it.

"Yer' startin' ta' cross a line inta' insubordination here."

>Princess? If calling you out when you do something like this is insubordination, disbar me, because to be honest if I can't call out my leaders when they do something that might end up with someone hurt, I'll go back to the pirate ship, at least you can fistfight them.

That one struck a chord with her, though he would never know why.

"...So what do ya' plan ta' do, just let her in yer' military-"

>WHOA! No! Dear sweet sunny Celestia cheeks no! That's super illegal, Applejack! Not to mention morally unsound, dangerous, liable to end up with us sued and just plain creepy to put a little filly in the same profession as a bunch of grown stallions. I mean, wow.

Her rage, at last, was starting to subside, replaced by a little something... else.

"So, what do ya' plan ta' do here?"

>...Plan? What plan? I came here to talk about all my various other complaints regarding, you know, my new job, but it just haaaaad to be all about Diamond Tiara with you, didn't it? Somehow one little filly was more important than your military crumbling apart and being led by a gradeschooler more efficiently than their own leaders. There was no plan here, this was me reacting to you!

At least, he thought to himself... no plans that had worked...

"Fine. Ah'll admit, Ah' got off topic, but Ah' need ta' know."

>Fine! I'll just... I don't know, what's that thing Spike did where he trained them to use guns? I'll setup something like that so I can WATCH HER and follow up with her, you know, that thing you're actually supposed to do when you put someone in a high stress situation? Just a training program with a former, not dishonorably discharged, mercenary solider.


"Ah' told you, we ain't messin' with her childhood! Ah'm not makin' her train soldiers when she should be out just bein' a gad danged kid!"

>...Okay, Applejack? It's called weekends. WeekenD, even. Singular. One day a week so I can look in on her, she can keep doing this thing she obviously wants to do, and hey, no affecting her school life. That way I don't have a freaking child in my military, but she's also not just being ripped away from this life she obviously wants to pursue and would do well to have extended training on.

She was wavering, just a bit she was wavering. Hope, glorious hope!

"...This ain't right."

>What isn't? Watching her? Making sure she's okay? Putting to use her crazy ass brain and firepower? I'm not saying we point her at a monster here, and fine, if one comes along I'll send her home, but come on. This has to be better than just saying "You're done" and ignoring her.

"Ah' wasn't ignorin' her! Ah' just... was in a bad place after the invasion is all."

>Fine, fair enough, I get being in bad places, but it needs to change.

She was still wavering, but she had not crumbled yet. It was amazing, he was hitting her with everything he had, but that stubbornness was weathering all of it. Even Daw would have crumbled a while ago.

"...Ah' still think she shouldn't, and we should just keep her in Ponyville. She's young, she'll get over this phase soon enough and be back ta' bein' the sassy little shit who ran the paper into the ground soon enough."

FUCK!

Okay! PLAN Z!

>...Or... you could talk to her?

She snapped up, eyes wide and confused like a startled gopher.

"What?"

>You know... go talk to her. Speak. With words. To her. Diamond Tiara, I mean. Speak to her, and then if you think it'll make her worse tell me no? You are making a lot of assumptions about what's best for her without any real words shared here. Just saying, if a guy in my forces might need some time off, I'd interview him first, at least.

She paused.

Her hoof began to tap. Her eyebrow began to furrow, and her lips began to roll, thoughtfully.

And finally, she shrugged.

"...Kay."

>Kay?

"Kay. Ah'll talk ta' her, and iffin' Ah' think she needs someone to watch her Ah'll give ya' the okay, so long as Ah' get some progress reports ta' ensure her mental state ain't gettin' worse."

>Oh... cool.

"And on that note."

He felt the tingle upon his horn before he felt the pull, and soon he was uncomfortably close to her narrowed, angry eyes.

"Iffin' Ah' find out that this is some kinda trick on your end ta' get better soldiers at the cost of that poor little filly's childhood and maybe life, Ah' won't just fire ya', Ah'll fire ya' with dragon flame and eat ya', if ya' catch mah' drift. She... she ain't a bad girl, she don't need to become one after a lifetime o' strugglin' for her life. This ain't right, and iffin' this is anythin' but you lookin' out for her, Ah'm gonna make you wish you were never born."

>...Agreed?

"Good."

He was let go way, way more gently than he had been grabbed.

"Ah'll talk ta' her and get back ta' ya'."

>...Thanks.

"Don't mention it."

>...Now, about why I actually came here.

She gave him a look, just a simple half-lidded "I'm the Element of Honesty" look.

But nonetheless, leaned forwards.

"Okay... tell me the damage."

He sighed in more relief than he had felt since the day he learned he wasn't about to be digested. This, for once, felt like things were looking up.

And then promptly lost all of that the instant he looked at the... 'damages.'

>...Do you want the bad news, the really bad news, the worse news or the worst news.

Her head hit the desk.

He shared the sentiment.

>...bad news it is.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________