A Cookie for Your Thoughts

Why am I doing this?

A fair enough question, as far as questions go. Why was she doing this? It wasn’t generally in her nature to comfort others, especially him.

Of course, like most people who find themselves doing something they normally wouldn’t and asking themselves why, she was pretty sure she already knew the answer.

She didn’t like it. Not one bit.

Cookie Beach was an eleven-year-old girl with long brown hair held out of her face with a heart-shaped hairclip. She wore a light purple dress underneath a dark purple coat hanging, with purple high socks and purple shoes. She liked purple.

In direct opposition to her cute appearance Cookie’s cherubic face bore a scowl even old Beelzebub would be envious of, her upper lip curled just enough to glint the barest hint of teeth and her narrowed eyes focusing straight ahead. One got the impression that this was a child not all happy with current events and it was a well-known adage amongst the student body population that Cookie was not half the little angel she resembled.

As it was, Cookie wasn’t currently doing anything more at the moment than standing behind the school, scowling at nothing and generally not feeling herself. Altruism didn’t come easily to her, if somebody was upset it was probably because they did something to warrant such feelings and they were better off wallowing in self-pity. Cookie certainly never regretted anything she did, she went about life with the same manner of self-assurance that only a child could truly enjoy before the rigors of adulthood interactions beat such concepts like fair play and selflessness into the brain. Second guesses and reflections weren’t her style, she much proffered to think and plan and weasel her way out of things if she could; if Cookie wasn’t coming out on top then there wasn’t much of a point.

So why change that, why step out of the comfort zone?

Cookie pricked her ears and grimaced when she detected the faint sound of muffled sobbing.

It was an obnoxious noise. Granted, everything he did was obnoxious, from his antics to his personality to his very looks. Like who wears an orange shirt? Orange doesn’t look good on anything, she knew this, everyone knew this. Then there’s that white hair of his, just sitting there all white and everything, and those buck teeth and that whiny voice that squeaks when he gets excited...

Not that she noticed or anything. Who’d notice him! He was annoying, a big nerd, a dork, a goof-ball.

What was most annoying was his crying. She had never heard him cry before, he was always so happy. Even when he seemed upset about something he was either annoyed or took it with a quiet resignation; the little coward.

Cookie leaned back against the side of the school and shrugged her shoulders, feeling the roughness of the brick scratch her skin through her jacket. It wasn’t like it was her fault he was crying anyway, he brought it on himself. That boy just couldn’t help himself sometimes, it was almost like he wanted to be the laughingstock of the entire school. Yesterday had just been one more incident in a long line of embarrassments and social faux pas. Impropriety might as well have been synonymous with the Loud family on the whole really.

Cookie groaned and massaged the side of her head as the name rattled off in her skull. Lincoln Loud. Lincoln Loud! The white-haired, buck-toothed, little dork. The boy with ten sisters. The boy who just couldn’t help but embarrass himself, but no matter how hard he got it he’d just laugh it off with a weary grin until everyone had decided he wasn’t worth the effort and left him alone. Cookie couldn’t understand that personally. Being a fool must suck pretty hard but at least people knew who you are, at least they noticed you. If nobody saw you, then were you even really there? Not that he didn’t have friends. Some other nerds he hung around with in the cafeteria, and that one black kid he was always with. Cleveland? Clyde? Cletus? Cleveland.

Cookie shook her head until the offending thoughts were thoroughly shaken out. Then she scowled again. None of that was important, what was important was Lincoln crying. It was annoying, and she was tired of hearing it. He’d been close to tears all day, and not even the fun kind were some bully notices and makes fun of the kid for it, the loud messy real kind that just makes everyone else uncomfortable. Not that it was a mystery why he was so upset. Everyone in the school knew about the video, and they all made fun of him as usual, but the ribbing lasted only about a week. After all, this was Lincoln Loud, it was to be expected and to be honest wasn’t even all that funny anyway. Embarrassing videos are only funny when they happen to somebody popular and they get mad, Lincoln would just shrug it off with that nervous little smile and those sad eyes and suddenly it wasn’t worth it anymore.

It was, admittedly, one of the most embarrassing videos she’d ever seen. Oh, she had a laugh, at first. It got old quick is all, it wasn’t like laughing at Lincoln was much fun anyway, it made her stomach feel weird. Christina took it pretty hard though apparently, she changed classes and everything. Whatever, it wasn’t like they were friends or anything. Christina never talked to anyone, doing everything she could to stay out of the limelight, never taking any chances or doing anything for fear of being made fun of. Fat lot of good that did her, never took into account the actions of others.

Cookie thought it over again and nodded in self-satisfaction as she reassessed her earlier opinion of Lincoln being a coward. Lincoln was just a wimp, Christina was the coward. Oh no, a boy likes you, so I guess it’s time to change classes and freak out like it’s the end of the world! Pfft, what a baby.

Then again, Christina wasn’t currently the one crying behind the school. Why was he crying anyway? Oh, boo hoo, you put up an embarrassing video and got laughed at, it’s not like this was even the most ignominious thing he’d ever done. She’d seen him shrug off way worse teasing, like that little bully Ronnie Anne putting trash in his locker or stuffing food down his pants.

That girl needed to take it down a notch, there were other ways to get a boy to notice you. Not that Cookie wanted Ronnie Anne to tone it down, as far as Cookie was concerned Ronnie Anne could go play in traffic. Take Christina with her too, make it a playdate and everything.

But yeah, Lincoln had been like this all week and Cookie was tired of it. It showed too. “Why do you care?” her friends would ask her, raised eyebrows and little knowing smiles. Cookie hated those smiles, what did they know? Nothing, that’s what! And she didn’t care that he was sad, after all it wasn’t like he ever complained to her or anything, she just didn’t like staring at his miserable looking face every day. Not that she stared at him, Lincoln Loud had a stupid face. A big stupid face with stupid white hair and stupid buck teeth and stupid freckles and a stupid button nose. He was also a dork, a dork that puts up stupid videos of himself doing embarrassing things like sitting in his underwear and talking about how much he wanted to kiss Christina.

Stupid Lincoln.

Stupid Christina.

Stupid Cookie! What was she even doing here, it’s not like she owed him or anything. If he wanted to do something foolish and then cry about it then that was his business. They weren’t friends, they barely even spoke to each other, she had no real reason to try and cheer him up.

Cookie grunted, nodded to herself, and took three steps forward. A low sniffle stopped her dead in her tracks and the little girl frowned. She looked over her shoulder at the corner of the school, where just around it she could hear him cry.

She’d never herd him cry before...

There was a sigh, a general rustling of clothing, and suddenly Cookie’s feet were moving before her brain had gathered the nerve to tell them they were moving in the wrong direction. She rounded the corner, took a few steps, and the reality of what she was doing crashed down on her and she came to a pitiful stop.

Lincoln Loud sat before her, his shoulders heaving, and his face cupped in his hands as he sobbed. He hadn’t noticed her yet though she stood there with a pained expression scrawled across her face. Humiliation coursed through her veins like white-hot lead but that same feeling kept her rooted in place.

What was I thinking? I can’t do this!

But alas, for just as she was gaining the courage to turn around and run for cover Lincoln choked out a gasp and rubbed the tears from his eyes. Eyes staring straight at her with a mix of sadness, confusion, and just a hint of irritation. Cookie stood there like a deer caught in headlights, but slowly the mortification of being caught looking like a dummy canceled out her earlier trepidation and with a quick brush of her hair the lass adopted the usual sardonic attitude associated with her.

Cookie looked Lincoln right in the eyes, opened her mouth, and the noise that came out of her mouth sounded more like air leaking out of a compressed tire. She slapped her hands over her mouth and Lincoln wiped his eyes, brow raised and a small frown on his face. Cookie coughed loudly into a fist, her eyes darting every which way so long as it wasn’t in Lincoln’s general direction. That dumpster off to the left looked nice, let’s focus on that.

“S-so,” she began, trying to find her mojo, “crying behind the school?”

The frown deepened into a scowl and Cookie realized that her mojo had in fact caught a plane to the other side of the country.

“Kind of lame don’t you think?”

Lincoln started grinding his teeth at that and Cookie let out a strangled bark-like cough that should’ve been a laugh, but her throat closed. Why was this so hard? All she had to do was ask him what was wrong, it’s not rocket science!

“I-I mean,” she continued, perspiration pirouetting down her forehead, “what’s wrong t-this time? Is it the video? It’s not that big a deal.”

There, that was more like it. Not exactly what she was planning but she was getting the message across. Relaxing somewhat, Cookie tried to smile.

“I mean, we’ve all seen you do stuff even worse than this. This? This is nothing! And don’t worry about Christina, she’ll get over-

“WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT!”

Lincoln’s scream echoed through the parking lot and reverberated in her ear drums as Cookie took a step back, her eyes wide in alarm and her mouth open in a small O.

Time stood still, and it seemed to Cookie that she could hear her own heartbeat as the last remnant echoes of Lincoln’s words died out in the air, the only sound now between them his heavy gasps as the once again teary-eyed boy glowered at her with lips curled back and brow furrowed.

Cookie managed to meet his gaze, not through any inborn strength of willpower or perseverance mind, more so that she was suddenly so startled that it didn’t occur to her she should be looking away. At risk of looking like a small mammal suddenly coming face-to-face with an approaching truck Cookie stared right back at Lincoln and slowly the boy’s anger seemed to melt away as he huddled up with his knees in his chest and his chin resting.

“If you just came here to make fun of me then go away,” he muttered bitterly, and for some reason his words made Cookie’s chest feel tight, like somebody was sitting on her and it was hard to breath. The young girl sniffled and quickly wiped her nose with a sleeve, suddenly having the presence of mind to look down at the ground.

Cookie had never heard Lincoln scream before. She’d heard him get irritated, she’d even seen him mad once, but she’d never heard him scream before. To be honest she wasn’t sure he was even capable of it, of all the infamous Louds he seemed the quietest, the calmest. The experience wasn’t so much frightening as it was unsettling, she might as well have seen a pig fly or a fish walk.

Why was she here? This was a disaster, she wasn’t good at helping people and it wasn’t like Lincoln was her friend or anything, so why did she care that he was sad?

She had an inkling, and not the good kind either.

And anyway, who did this boy think he was, yelling at her!? She was just trying to cheer him up, sure it didn’t exactly come out right, but she was trying gosh darnit! And she didn’t even have to try in the first place!

“L-look,” she finally sputtered, glaring down at Lincoln. The boy just snorted and fixed one right back at her. Cookie didn’t flinch, she’d already embarrassed herself enough just by coming out here and messing up and now she wasn’t having any of it. “What’s the matter,” she snapped, and Lincoln ever-so-slightly flinched. He tried to keep the glare up, but eventually the anger in his eyes smoldered and he hugged his knees tight.

“Go away,” he mumbled, face pressed against his jeans. Cookie looked him over before snorting and without another word stomped over to the wall he was sitting against and plopped down. Lincoln spared her but a quick glance and immediately scooted away. She followed, and a small game of cat and mouse ensued, and it was only when Lincoln had reached the very edge of the school building that he had finally had enough.

“WHAT. DO. YOU. WANT!?”

The words came out in a low growl, punctuated for emphasis and packed with enough venom to kill an Asian Elephant. It practically washed off Cookie like water down a duck’s back and the purple-clad lass snarled right back at him, “I’m sorry.”

Lincoln was caught off guard. Cookie didn’t apologize, he had known her (in the sense that they shared an immediate vicinity to one another but had rarely ever talked) since Kindergarten and not once had he ever heard her say sorry. Cookie went around with the general attitude that people owed her and if they didn’t feel the same way that was a them-problem.

“And stop yelling at me or I’ll smack you.”

That was more like it.

With a snort of might’ve been a chuckle in another life Lincoln looked straight ahead into the parking lot, not saying a word. Cookie licked her suddenly dry lips and leaned forward, angling her head so she could look Lincoln in the eye.

“I’m sorry,” she repeated, and sat there until Lincoln finally nodded his head in absent-minded acquiescence. “I didn’t mean it,” she continued, pausing lamely when Lincoln turned to look at her with one eyebrow raised an a thoroughly unamused look on his face. “Look,” she said, “I didn’t come out here to make fun of you.”

There was a pregnant pause in the air before a shuffling of clothing scraping against brick broke the silence as Lincoln turned to face the intruding girl next to him. “Then why are you here?” he asked, his tone no longer angry, just tired.

"...I guess,” Cookie replied, “I just noticed you were sad, and I wanted to see why. Maybe we could... talk? I don’t know.”

Lincoln’s first inclination was to call out such obvious bullshit, Cookie had never cared about him before and had on multiple occasions even gone so far as to bully him with a snide word or a quick jab. But just before he could pass the condemnation Lincoln caught the hint of red on her cheeks, and for whatever reason that seemed enough to let her speak her peace.

“Is it the video,” Cookie asked when she realized Lincoln wasn’t saying anything else. “It’s not that big a deal, people will forget about it in a week. Christina might not, but she’s weird so don’t worry about her-

“It’s not-” Lincoln stopped himself short and pinched the bridge of his nose while Cookie leaned away. He sighed and seemed to sink in on himself with a sheepish air. “-It’s not the video. Well, no, it is, but it isn’t.”

“Makes sense.”

Lincoln snorted and gave her a lopsided grin. “Do you know why I made that video in the first place?”

Cookie thought it over for a few seconds. To be honest she had just assumed it was either an accident or he honestly thought doing all that would get his video to come in 1st place. She more or less told Lincoln this and the boy groaned.

“Do you really think I’m that dumb? Close your mouth! No, the reason I made that was because of my first video.”

First video? OH, his first video!

“You mean the one with your sisters? That was hilarious, but then you took it down.”

Lincoln sighed and shrugged his shoulders. “Yeah, that’s it. My sisters weren’t exactly happy that I made that video, they sure let me have it when I got home.” This was an understatement; Lincoln’s ears still rang when he so much as thought of that incident and he wasn’t going to be ungrounded anytime soon, not that any of these things was what really hurt. “So... I thought if made an embarrassing video of myself they’d forgive me.”

Cookie listened to his words without a sound but at this last pause she couldn’t help but notice the wistful look in his eye as she put the last pieces together.

“They didn’t, did they,” she said. Lincoln looked off to the side and she could see a few stray tears looming at the corners of his eyes.

“No,” he croaked, and wiped his forearm across his face. Cookie had half a mind to tell him that was gross but somehow it didn’t seem like the right time, which was odd because there’s never a wrong time for hygiene. “I-I thought,” Lincoln continued, “t-that they’d forgive me, or at least talk to me again. You know what they said to me?”

“Probably something along the lines of it’s going to take a lot more than that to get our trust back?”

Lincoln shook his head and Cookie frowned.

“Something about never forgiving you again,” she guessed, and when he shook his head again she bit her bottom lip. When he turned his head over to her and she saw the absolute misery on his face she felt that something in her chest get even tighter.

“They said they hated me,” Lincoln whispered in a ragged voice and as if a lock had been broken the tears poured unbidden from his eyes before he had the chance to cover his face in his palms.

Cookie stared at the sight with an odd expression on her face, Lincoln’s story rattling around in her ears. It had occurred to her that there was a little more to this story than she had at first suspected, and perhaps that she had bit off more than she could chew. The Loud clan was notorious for their familial squabbles, though now that she had the inclination to think on it perhaps it wasn’t nearly as mutual as she suspected. Cookie didn’t always understand people, she liked to plan things out and wasn’t good at spontaneity, but something about this whole debacle struck a cord with her she just couldn’t put a pin on.

It had also occurred to her that Lincoln had an ugly crying face. That wasn’t really his fault, but some people just didn’t look good upset and Lincoln was one of them. It made her tummy hurt seeing him all snotty and weepy and as far as she was concerned the little dork shouldn’t cry, not only for his own good but for the good of everyone.

“Lincoln,” Cookie said, slowly and deliberately, like someone who had already had a pretty good idea as to what the answer to her next question would be. “Where did you get the idea to record your sisters?”

Lincoln hiccuped and Cookie waited patiently until the lad had calmed down enough to wipe his tears and stammer out his answer. “F-from my s-sister Luan. She has an entire closet full of embarrassing videos of me and I thought-

“Stop.” Cookie sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose in exasperation before looking up to Lincoln with a faint smile. It wasn’t a nice smile Lincoln thought, not that there was anything wrong with her face or her teeth or anything, but the way her lips curved up and showed her canines reminded him of an angry dog.

“So, let me get this straight. Did your sister ask your permission to record you?”

“...Well no.”

“And yet she has them, not a few either, but an entire closet’s full of videos of you?”

“But this is different!” Lincoln snapped. “She didn’t put those up on the internet like I did!” He looked back down to the ground and hugged his knees. “I should’ve known better than to do that, I’m an awful brother.”

“Well that’s just stupid.”

Lincoln looked over at Cookie ready to snap again when her fingers closed around his mouth and pursed his lips out. She pulled his face closer and he saw the fiery determination in her eyes and wisely decided to shut up for a minute.

“One mistake doesn’t make you a bad person Lincoln. Maybe you don’t always think things through like you should, but that doesn’t always help either! I never do anything without thinking things over and I thought that was fine until-

Cookie cut herself off there and looked off to the side with a none-too-subtle blush.

“-Well until I decided to ask why you were so sad,” she whispered, and Lincoln could feel the heat radiating off his own face as the implications ran through his mind.

As if her resolve had suddenly been steeled Cookie turned back to Lincoln with a big grin. “Your not a bad brother Lincoln, everyone in the whole school knows you'd do anything for your sisters. You said it was stupid of you to do that, and I’m not gonna lie Linc, it was. It was a crappy thing to do. But did Luan tell you not too?”

Lincoln shrugged his shoulders and slowly pushed Cookie’s fingers off his lips. “Well, no, but I should’ve known better.”

“You’re eleven,” Cookie replied, and chuckled a bit at the expression on Lincoln’s face. He almost looked cute when he was trying to figure something out. “I mean, I don’t think people are born knowing everything. You made a mistake, are you going to tell me your sisters don’t make them? Go ask Luan how she figured out it was a bad idea, I guarantee she did something like this and somebody gave her an earful!”

Lincoln looked like he wanted to argue with this, but when nothing came out Cookie threw her arms behind her head and leaned back against the wall of the school building. Victory tasted sweet, and she relished it.

“I don’t think I’ll get a chance to talk to her,” Lincoln finally said, tone still downcast thought at least he didn’t look like he was going to just drop dead of sadness anymore. “They’re never talking to me again.”

“Nah,” Cookie replied with a wave of her hand, “they’ll get over it. You did something stupid, so what? If you ask me they’re just being silly, it’s not the end of the world. And you know what? Next time one of them messes up, you do the exact same thing. They don’t want to forgive you? That’s fine, give them a taste of their own medicine!”

Lincoln couldn’t help but chuckle at that, he never thought himself the vindictive type, but he wouldn’t deny there was just a hint of satisfaction to be gleaned from Cookie’s words. Lincoln considered her words and it all suddenly hit him, not just what she was saying but why she was saying it in the first place. He’d been feeling like a useless sack of garbage all week and in just five minutes this girl had come along and changed all of that. He still felt bad, but it was just a little bit more bearable knowing there was still one girl out there who didn’t think he was a complete creep.

“I’m sorry I yelled at you,” Lincoln said. Cookie nodded her head and shrugged. Like most eleven-year-old girls Cookie had yet to master the concept of apologizing but she found it a commendable virtue in others.

“I really appreciate it,” Lincoln continued, “it means a lot.”

Cookie blushed at his words and coughed into a fist, trying desperately to force her mouth back down to a frown. “Whatever, you have a weird face,” she said, and stammered when she caught the flat glare Lincoln was giving her. “W-what I mean is, you look weird. But when you cry you look ugly. I’d rather look at your usual weird face than your ugly one.”

Normally her words would’ve hurt, but there was something about them this time that was different. Something that made Lincoln blush and look down at the ground and twist his fingers. Something small and brown was shoved under his face and Lincoln blinked and leaned back before he realized what it was. With a grin Lincoln took the offered chocolate chip cookie and popped the confectionery in his mouth with a groan of pure delight.

It was common knowledge for those in the know (i.e. the whole town following one unfortunate Valentines incident, not to mention the Halloween of 1999) that the girls of the Loud clan were chocoholics of a downright unprecedented level. It might come as a minor shock that the females weren’t the only ones that appreciated a good cocoa-enriched treat; unless you were Cookie Beach of course.

“’S good,” Lincoln mumbled through a mouthful of chocolate chip, and Cookie huffed. Of course it was good, she made it after all! Cookie ran a hand through her hair and flipped up the brunette locks, looking over at Lincoln with her usual glare.

Then she saw his weird little face and it was like the whole world melted away until it was just the two of them and nothing else.

And just like that Cookie remembered why she was doing this.

Because Lincoln Loud had the prettiest smile she’d ever seen in her whole life.