Mares go their own way

>”Because mares are tired of being nothing but punching bags for self-centered stallions.”
>Today you decided to venture outside.
>You chose poorly.
>All you wanted to do was go food shopping and ended up in the middle of some rally.
>”Girls why don’t we just calmly talk about this?”
>And there was Twilight, trying her very best to peacefully resolve the situation.
>But judging by the looks on the other mares faces, it was not working.
>”I have to pay my ex-husband alimony all because he couldn’t keep his cock in his sheath, how’s that for calm!”
>You tried getting away from the gaggle, but being a tall man in a world of knee high horses let you see things.
>Like the fact that you were literally surrounded with no room for escape.
>”And he’s about the worst homewrecker here.”
>What?
>You knew that voice.
>Bon Bon, queen bitch extrodinaire.
>She stood there all high and mighty pointing her hoof at you.
>”All I come home to everyday is Lyra obsessing over his freakishness.”
>A chorus of “boos” tailed her statement and they were all directed at you.
>Fucking Bon Bon
>Just you wait for horse Christmas you candy making cunt, Santa is stopping by your house and shitting down your chimney.
>With no chance to even defend yourself from the angry stares and accusations, a chant started to form from within the crowd.
>”Mares go their own way!”
>”Mares go their own way!”
>You were never going outside again.

>First came the rally.
>The mares chanting that they were sick of stallions always taking advantage of them.
>To top it off, once you actually got to the market, you found out they sold out of nearly all the stuff you needed.
>You were pissed then.
>Now you’re just mad.
>And god help happy horseland when an borderline autistic human with no means to make himself some din din is mad.
>It was time to do something about it.
>Hitting the top of the sign with a mallet, you made sure it would stay in place by driving it further into the ground.
>Fucking ponies and their deranged concepts.
>And fuck Bob Bon especially.
>”Hi there neighbor- what’s with the sign?”
“Just read it Lyra, it’s self explanatory.”
>”’Private property, No mares allowed under any circumstances.’ I don’t get it.”
“Nothing to get Lyra, my week has been shit and this is my perfectly reasonable response.”
>”You’re being silly. How about you come over to my place and I fix you something to eat?”
>”He most certainly will not. I’m not having him stink up our home.”
>Speak of the she devil and she’ll appear.
>Bon Bon, as if sensing that her very presence would serve as a means to piss you off further trotted up by her “roommate”
>”I thought we talked about this Lyra. You need to knock off this weird fascination with him.”
“Listen to the witch Lyra, I may hate her more than an alcoholic hates water, but she has a point.”
>”Shut up monkey, I don’t need your input on this.”
>So much hate.
>Bon Bon oblivious to the sign by which she trotted past, came right up to you.
>”If you have any sense at all you would realize that I was having a conversation with her.”
>She poked your shin with her hoof to emphasize her point.
“Candy ass, you have all of three seconds to get out of my yard.”
>”Or what?”

>”Bucking monkey always sticking his- ouch! Careful Lyra.”
“Sorry.”
>You were applying to the cooling slave to Bonnie’s flanks, right in the spot where he…
>Damn you Bon Bon.
>Had you known that the end result of going on Anon’s property was him using his hands like that, you would have done it sooner.
>”I told you he was trouble, now will you listen to me and stay away from him?”

>Your morning was just as uneventful as morning should be.
>A bowl of cereal, some coffee, and the local paper.
>Brush your teeth, shave, and put the mask on.
>All was right in your world.
>That was, until you set out and towards the fence.
>Just beyond it, sitting awkwardly was a hastily put together stall selling candies and treats.
>And it was being run by Lucifer- er Bon Bon.
“This has to be a trap.”
>”Good morning Anon.”
>No insults or threats against your well being?
“This has to be a trap. What are you plotting?”
>Smiling Bon Bon dismissed your misgivings as to her ulterior motives with a laugh.
>”Not planning anything at all, just thought I’d set up a stall and sell come off my fine confections here.”
“In front of my house?”
>That smile never left her face and boy was it ever unnerving.
>”That’s right, care to try one?”
>Your gut told you to run, this was a trap, it had to be.
>She probably laced those candies with something.
“I think I’ll pass.”
>”You sure? They’re pretty good.”
>Not happening, your dad always told you and your brother to not take candy from odd individuals.
>You listened, your brother Incognito did not, and where did it get him? He got abducted by a travelling circus.
“I have to go.”
>Walking as fast as your legs would carry you, you hightailed it out of there.
>The whole time feeling Bon Bons eyes boring into your back.
>She was acting weird- weirder than usual.
>That is to say not like a total cunt.
>You don’t know why, but that scared the ever living shit out of you.

>Horseapples, you were sure this was going to work.
>Channeling the magic into your horn you let the disguise fall.
>Your coat changed from the creamy color back to its natural mint green.
>Bonnie probably wouldn’t be too happy that you were impersonating her, but it was for a good cause.
>Anon would see that she wasn’t such a bad pony and if the two of them started getting along then you would be able to get that much closer to him.
>Now you would have to think up another plan.

>Today turned out to be a pretty good day.
>Save for the thing with Bon Bon this morning but you’re good at repressing bad memories, so it may as well have never happened at all.
>The stall in the market that sold your handiwork, you had come to find out was sold out of the birdhouses you made yet again.
>It was a lucrative business after all.
>You made bird houses.
>Ponies buy said birdhouses.
>Birdhorses wreck birdhouses because they’re too big to go inside despite the obvious size difference.
>Ponies buy more birdhouses to replace the broken ones.
>And you make more money.
>Rinse and repeat.
>Looking around the market you thought about what random purchase would be the icing on the cake today.
>”I thought I smelled something awful around here.”
>Turning around you saw the bane of your existence, and she was back to her normal bitchy self.
“Are you off your meds or something?”
>Bon Bon looked confused for a moment, standing at the door of her shop.
>”What are you on about, did your brain finally lose the remainder of its ability to make coherent thoughts?”
“Says the pony who was trying to get me to eat her candy this morning.”
>”Monkey, if I ever tried to sell you anything it would be rat poison.”
>What is this mare playing at?
“Then the only other possible explanation is-“
>Wait for the dramatic reveal…
“You’re bipolar. A true psycho who’s a threat to herself and everyone around her. You should check yourself into the loony bin, I hear they specialize in bitch disorders.”
>”Go buck yourself you hairless ape.”
“I happen to have hair, you fat ass.”
>Bon Bons eyes narrowed and she growled threateningly.
>Weight must be a touchy subject for the candy aficionado.
>You had finally found her weakness, and what better time than now to exploit it.
“No reason to be all angry, I heard the bigger mares were always jolly.”
>An indignant roar erupted from the creamy mare as she launched herself at you like a missile.
>Alas your reflexes were not fast enough to dodge.
>And her aim was true, as she headbutted you right in the boys.
> “Worth it” were the final thoughts before the world went black.

>Putting on pants with a dick and ball cast was a new challenge.
>Yet with some trial and error you managed to pull of the feat.
>And after checking out of the hospital, despite the six proclaiming that you needed rest, you were headed down to the town jail.
>You barely made it past the first houses when an all too familiar voice rang through the air.
>”Anon!”
>A mint green pony, whose eyes were filled with worry came careening down the path right towards you.
>”Have you seen Bon Bon, I’ve been looking for the past four hours and can’t find her!”
“She’s in jail.”
>Whatever Lyra expected you to say, it certainly wasn’t that.
>”In jail? Do you know what happened?”
>Maybe telling her to full story wasn’t going to be the best idea.
“I’m headed there now to see if I can talk some sense into the guards and get this sorted out.”
>Lyra’s eyes narrowed suspiciously, but she nodded.
>”Something tells me you know more than you’re letting on, but let’s go.”
>You two didn’t talk as you headed to the eastern part of town where the jail was located.
>”Do you hear that?”
“Hear what?”
>Brining both your hands up to your head, you cupped them behind your ears.
>Damn equine hearing, you couldn’t hear shit.
“What does it sound like?”
>”Like a lot of ponies.”
>A pit began forming in the bottom of your stomach.

>God damn it.
>You hated being right.
>The jail was surrounded by at least a hundred mares.
>Many holding signs that read “Mares Lives Matter!”
>And the all too familiar chant of “Mares go their own way” echoing around.
“Lyra?”
>”What is it?”
“I’m certain Bon Bon will be fine in there until this all blows over, why don’t we just come back tomorrow, or next we- month.”
>Lyra sniffled.
>Fucking shit.

>It’s quite odd to find a throng of adorable mares threatening.
>But here you were.
“Please don’t make me do this.”
>Lyra’s sniffling only increased and you could see the beginnings of tears forming at the corners of her eyes.
“Fine. Just so you know, if they kill me, I’m coming back to haunt your ass.”
>”Oh thank you!”
>The mares demeanor did a 180, going from sad to happy in the span of a second.
>She tricked you. Damn mint pony. Damn alligator tears.
“Let’s get this shitshow on the road then.”
>Beginning your suicidal march towards the angry mob you began to reminisce on your life.
>Your first day going to school.
>The first time you got beat up.
>The first time you gave a beating.
>Incognito in a clown outfit at the circus.
>Jesus, your life was fucked up.
>”Look everypony! Why if it isn’t the stallion that got Bon Bon locked up.”
>Technically her getting locked up was because she assaulted you.
“Yeah about that… can-“
>”GET HIM!!!”
>This was the last time you ever tried to do the right thing.

>In the mad rush of pony bodies slamming themselves like a wave into you, you lost sight of Lyra.
>Your clothes were torn away, leaving you only in your protective cast.
>Bright side to this, it was at least a warm evening.
>Where the fuck was Lyra? Shouldn’t she be at least trying to protect you from them.
>”Take him to the leaders, they’ll decide what to do with him.”
>One of the mares who was wearing a bandanna declared.
>Leaders? So this wasn’t some random mob.
>They were organized.
>Almost as if you were in a mosh pit, your body was hefted and moved forward.
>Several of the mares pinched and tried to cop a feel as your body travelled over them.
“Hey hooves off.”
>Mares go their own way my ass.
>The only thing they were after was your innocence and virtue.
>Regardless of how you felt about this, you were about to encounter the final boss.
>The mastermind of this fiasco.
>The being behind this whole shit tornado.
>”Hello Anonymous, surprised to see us?”
>No it couldn’t be.
“You little cockgobblers!”

>You lost sight of Anon the moment the mares rushed him.
>As his stallionish screams grew you saw his clothes fly into the air.
>Using your magic you grabbed his pants out of the air.
>For research purposes of course.
>Stuffing the article of clothing in a saddle bag you walked past the mob who paid you no mind and into the jail.
>Anon was a grown stallion, he could handle himself while you got Bonnie out.
>”Lyra you backstabber, help me!”
>Stop being a such a colty colt Anon, they wouldn’t hu-
>”Stop grabbing my butt!”
>He’ll be fine.