(11:22:41 PM) ++harmaa++ Will you talk to me at all?
(11:24:39 PM) ++harmaa++ I was going to call but I figured you'd get mad.
(11:35:02 PM) ++harmaa++ Please...
(11:35:59 PM) Crow I have said my piece in its entirety. Do not contact me anymore.
(11:36:42 PM) ++harmaa++ How can you do this to me?
(11:37:06 PM) ++harmaa++ Please, I can't bear you hating me.
(11:37:47 PM) Crow I've never hated anyone in my life. That doesn't change the fact that I'm not going to speak to you anymore.
(11:38:27 PM) ++harmaa++ That hurts more than I can take.
(11:39:53 PM) Crow This is going to continue to go as every other conversation has. I suggest dropping it. The more you press and tell me how destroyed your life is "because of me", the more frustrated I become and the less willing I'll be to deal with you.
(11:40:27 PM) ++harmaa++ We don't need to talk about anything like that. I know it's my own actions that have made things worse for me.
(11:40:45 PM) ++harmaa++ I don't blame you for anything... Don't you realize that?
(11:41:45 PM) ++harmaa++ I just miss you very much.
(11:44:21 PM) Crow And I've told you that if you ever manage to fix yourself we can have a friendship again. But not as things are, and not as you are.
(11:44:47 PM) ++harmaa++ You don't know how I am... You don't know anything about me right now.
(11:45:13 PM) Crow You have done yourself no credit in any of your communications with me.
(11:46:07 PM) ++harmaa++ I have been desperate for a friend and desperate to try and get through to you. I'm sorry.
(11:46:19 PM) ++harmaa++ Doing this alone is very hard.
(11:46:39 PM) ++harmaa++ It's the hardest thing I've ever done.
(11:47:32 PM) ++harmaa++ I'm sorry I don't have the control you have. I really am.
(11:48:11 PM) Crow I have nothing particularly nice to say in response to any of this, so I think it's best to drop this completely. Either way, things are not changing. I'm stretching just be talking to you right now.
(11:49:00 PM) ++harmaa++ You really aren't here...
(11:49:37 PM) ++harmaa++ People told me you changed, but I didn't want to believe it.
(11:50:32 PM) ++harmaa++ After everything we've been through... am I really never going to see you again before I'm gone?
(11:51:36 PM) ++harmaa++ I thought the depths of our friendship and love when we had it was stronger than anything negative could be
(11:52:17 PM) ++harmaa++ I believed you.
(11:52:32 PM) Crow I'm not sure what changes you're talking about aside from me trying to prevent further damage in my life. The negative you've done has been lasting and continues still.
(11:52:48 PM) Crow As I've said, if things change we could pursue a friendship again.
(11:52:52 PM) Crow As things are, we can't.
(11:52:57 PM) ++harmaa++ I never meant to do anything to you...
(11:53:11 PM) ++harmaa++ Please believe me.
(11:53:21 PM) Crow I'm sure you didn't. This doesn't change the fact that you did.
(11:54:04 PM) ++harmaa++ People have said and done so much worse to you....but you've treated me worse than any of your exes
(11:54:58 PM) ++harmaa++ I don't understand how you can say you don't hate and still treat someone weak this way...
(11:55:15 PM) Crow You have said and done many things. And I have yet to return many of the attacks or anger or guilt you've put on me.
(11:55:53 PM) ++harmaa++ No, you left me. You left me to stew and fret and eat at myself wondering what I'd done wrong.
(11:56:42 PM) ++harmaa++ You've hurt me more than anyone I've known. I didn't know hurt like this was possible.
(11:57:05 PM) ++harmaa++ I know a lot of it is due to me being insane.
(11:57:16 PM) ++harmaa++ But you left.
(11:57:26 PM) ++harmaa++ You broke your promise...
(11:57:33 PM) Crow Yes. I did. Because you gave me no choice.
(11:58:07 PM) ++harmaa++ I would have done anything if I'd known...
(12:00:06 AM) Crow The relationship ended. I tried to maintain a friendship. You continued to make me feel guilty, and anxious, and horrible. I broke contact. I renewed it again. It wasn't enough for you and you started it all again, with your verbal attacks and abuse. I have heard from your friends, some of which you have even pushed to the brink as you always do, in regards to your suffering thanks to me.
(12:00:21 AM) Crow I have ended things again and stand by my terms.
(12:00:37 AM) ++harmaa++ You are heartless...
(12:01:01 AM) ++harmaa++ You almost punish people who fall in love with you. It's weird.
(12:01:10 AM) ++harmaa++ I hate thinking that of you.
(12:01:28 AM) ++harmaa++ I loved you so much.
(12:01:52 AM) Crow I am really reigning myself in here, so I suggest we end this conversation now before I actually start expressing myself.
(12:02:22 AM) ++harmaa++ You won't make me hate myself anymore than I do already.
(12:03:07 AM) ++harmaa++ I never meant to push anyone to the edge. Believe me or not.
(12:03:17 AM) Crow I'm sure you didn't. But you did.
(12:03:29 AM) ++harmaa++ people make mistakes!
(12:03:35 AM) ++harmaa++ you do too!
(12:04:11 AM) ++harmaa++ You're the one who taught me forgiveness...
(12:05:11 AM) Crow There is a point when you need to take responsibility for the things you do even if you don't mean to, and find a way to fix it. Though as you've said, you don't know how to fix it.
(12:05:21 AM) Crow It's up to you to learn how.
(12:05:23 AM) ++harmaa++ Not alone.
(12:05:34 AM) Crow I am not the one to help you.
(12:05:53 AM) ++harmaa++ I was getting better with you... but then you left...
(12:05:54 AM) ++harmaa++ I am not asking you for help.
(12:05:58 AM) ++harmaa++ I would never.
(12:06:01 AM) ++harmaa++ Not now.
(12:07:08 AM) ++harmaa++ I still don't understand. I still don't have closure.
(12:07:21 AM) ++harmaa++ I don't think I'll ever understand this.
(12:08:50 AM) Crow What the hell else kind of closure can I provide past "You are destructive and need to fix yourself and we are not talking until you do?"
(12:09:08 AM) ++harmaa++ But I'll leave you to everything you replaced me with... Hopefully after tonight you'll never have to hear from me again.
(12:10:02 AM) ++harmaa++ I miss you. Not this you.