Thread 39: Stories 61-75

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>Twilight
"Pinkie"
'Rarity'
[AJ]
{Dash}
~Fluttershy~
-Spike-
~~~~~~

>So, what're you guys feeling?

"I was thinking we go stop by the ice cream shop! I get a ten percent discount."

'...But you own the place.'

"Yeah, which means I have to pay for it."

'...'

"Is it worrying anyone else one of the princesses don't know how economics work?"

'HEY!'

[One of 'em? PFFT! None of 'em did! Celestia thought the Crystal Empire was whippin' us sore cause she didn't.]

>I'm sure it's not that bad. I understand it.

{Yeah, but you're an egghead. Luna, on the other hoof, is the opposite of that.}

"A chicken head?"

{...Yeah, that sounds about right.}

'Well, I don't know about ice cream, but... oh! Is that Discord? I was wondering when he would-'

~WHATWHEREWHYYOUDUMB.... oh, no, that's not him.~

>...

~...Wait... OH FUCK!~

"Fluttershy! Lang-"

~FUUUUUUUUUUUU-~

With that, she opened her mouth, revealing mechanical insides that shifted and bent, until it opened up to reveal a rocket.

Which then launched right at the 'not Discord'.

And then exploded into a ball of light so intense it turned night to day for the briefest of seconds, but strangely was accompanied by no heat or force, just the sound of an ice cream jingle.

>...
".."
'..'
[..]
{...}
-...Uh...-

~...Is it dead?~

>...
".."
'..'
[..]
{...}
-..-

~...It's probably dead. Not that I can tell, because no boom, but I mean, probably?... Yeah, it's dead... soooo... ice cream?~

>...
".."
'..'
[..]
{...}
-..-

~...Ice cream sounds good.~

Farther away, completely unharmed, 29 just sang a little bit more.

Pfft, she calls THAT bright?
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Changelings
"Changelings"
'Guard'
~~~~~~

>Okay, operation "Fix this so the princesses don't kill us" is going badly!

"Why did you think any of us could cook!? None of us eat like that, what possible use could we have for culinary skills!?"

>Well I'm sorry, I thought at least one of us would have tried it! S'cuse me for thinking we succeeded in non-combat or political based fields!

'You know, we actually wanted you to come help with the plushies.'

>WHO GIVES A FUCK ABOUT THE PLUSHIES!? Nobody is going to buy they ate the cakes, even we aren't that stupid!

"...there goes plan B..."

"Don't you guys have fighters for this?"

'They're all gone.'

"They can't ALL be gone!"

'Well, PJ is still here.'

>...Crap, that's all you've got to work with?

'What? She seems okay. Is in the gun club.'

>Just saying, would feel better if it was someone with a track record. Like 42. Orrrr 77... or you know what? Where's that crazy one with the rocket launcher?

'Her track record is way worse. It's hundreds of failures to blow up that one changeling, and some successes.'

>Hey, one success against an airship is technically over a thousand kills, and she IS the one that blew it up."

'Only because PJ wasn't there.'

>Oh, and what was she going to do, swing swords at it?

'Maybe!'

>Oh yeah, that'd TOTALLY take out an airship!

'At least she wouldn't get humiliated by freaking 56! That guy is adorable, and somehow she fails!?'

>At least she has any successes at all! The spud eating one is batting zero for zero!

'Give her time!'

>Suuuuure, just needs a little time and surely she'll match Rocket Filly. GIVE IT UP!

'You give it up! She's got experience!'

>Experience running, but can she outrun a rocket? DIDN'T THINK SO! You're dumb!

'YOU'RE DUMB!'

>NNGGGEEEEHHHHH!
'NGGGGHHHHHH!'

"...Uh, guys? Plushies are breaking in."

"Got a battering ram. And torches... guys? GUYS!?"

>NNGGGGGGGGGGGEEEEHHHHH!
'NGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!'

"...I'm out."

>NNGGG...wait, what did he-
'OHFU-
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>Reggie
"Q"
'High Roller'
-32-

High upon the walls of the mighty fortress of Insectopolis, Lord Commander Reginald A. Roach keeps his solemn vigil, his comrades bracing themselves against the strong cardboard walls of the prison-turned-castle as the fabric and stuffing of the plushie hordes smashed against them.

>Hold fast, my brothers, we must defend our giant friend with everything we have!

Suddenly, a presence to his side, larger than he, makes itself known. He cocks his head to the side with a twitch of his antenna.

>I was wondering when you would make your appearance.

"..."

>You're going out there, aren't you? You're the only one of us that can stand against these monsters.

"..."

>Don't let me stop you, you can find the cause of this and put a stop to it!

"..."

>...you can.

"..."

>...you caaaaan...

"..."

>Are...are you going orrrr...?

"*tink*?"

>You have no idea what I'm saying to you, do you?

"*tink*"

>Right! You! Down there! Kill Plushies! Please.

"...I have no clue what you're telling me, stupid, I'm just gonna go kill the plushies."

>...

With a leap, the crystalline golem lands into the fray of invading stuffed animals. Sharp edges ripping and tearing at fabric with great power as she cuts a swath through the attackers.

>Am...am I going crazy too?

-Probably.-

'WHY IS YOUR PET ROCK ALIVE NOW!?'
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Chrysalis
“SA”
'Poindexter'
[Cadence]
{42}
~Celestia~
(???)
=???=
^2^
#18#
~~~~

There was a pondering going on in the Queen of the Changelings head. A pondering as she was thinking her thoughts so thinkish. She saw, and she wondered.

She saw a group not far, a gathering of friends, a stable of those she knew quite well. Well, mostly. She knew a few of them well... okay, maybe not WELL. But that was besides the point. The point was, they were there. All of them.

Including one she really wished was not there.

But as loath as she was to admit it, no matter! The... 'thing' over there was of such little concern at them moment even she could scarcely believe it. But she had biggest issues, far, far bigger issue. Issues that centered around the one she was currently watching, following with a stone like gaze. The words from a certain white stallion filled her mind, and she found herself pondering again.

To simply go up and speak would be madness, it would get her rebuffed at best, mocked at worst. To see to her alone would likewise be unwise, she would likely think it a trap and be on edge. To drag her away from all of them and have private words would make her clam up, likely frightened. Noooo... she had to play this smart. She had to make the situation work to her advantage. She had to put her at ease, relax her, surround her with familiar faces, make her think she had control of the situation, even as strings were being pulled beyond her sight.

But not too many. Her own allies would need to be present as well, ready to defend her if certain... 'events' should repeat. Yesss... she needed a situation where she had a group, but maintained control. One where she could finally do as was suggested, and pry the information from her.

But how...

Ah!

>Hey, geektastic!

'…yeeeesss?'

“Not nerdtastsic?”

>I save nerd for ones I actually like. Like Twilight.

“Heartwarming and saddening, you are quite amazing at this.”

>Thank you, now shut up! You! Lifeless one, how lifeless are you?

'If you wanted to hurt me, it would have been faster just to insult my height.'

>You are short and you have no life, but that's not what I meant! Did you pack a certain 'thing' with you?

'What, really? You thought I packed something that requires eating up a considerable amount of time and brought it to a place where it would only serve to lock me in my room for hours at a time?'

>...

'...Of course I did.'

>GOOD! Shiny, I need to cash in a favor!

“You have one to cash in?”

>You owe me for stopping you from freaking out!

“...Fair enough.”

>Good, now, see them? Over there? I need you to go, and TRUST ME ON THIS ONE, go and...

She whispered low, watching as his eyes grew wider with every word.

“...You know, you could just talk to her-”

*SMACK!*

“OW!”

>Go!

“Alright, jeez.”

>Good, with that out of the way... you, you and YOU!

[...Us?]

>Yes, you three! Meet me in Cadence's room in five minutes!

{Yes, Majesty!}

[Why my room!?]

>It's the only one big enough for what I want to do!

~Okay, now I am worried... yet intrigued...~

^Can I come too!?^

>Nope! 18! You are on Two and Mane-Iac duty!

#Oh, what!?#

>THIS I COMMAND!

#... freaking chain of command...#

[Well, what about us? You can't make us.]

>...

~Welll?~

>...pppppp...

[~....~]

>....Pppllleeeeeee.... pleeeeeaaaaa... please! Alright? Please!?

~...and now I'm more worried, and more intrigued.~

>Good, see you all in five!

In a burst of flame, she brazenly teleported into Poindexters room, grabbed 'the thing', teleported once more, and in no time was within Cadence's room.

And then she prepared, and there she waited... and waited...

And then the door opened.

(Dunno what was on yer' thinkin' here, Ah' didn't even get a chance ta' eat!)

And then she smiled.

“I just want you to know, this is no longer an even trade. I had to trade in FIVE of my favors to get her up here for you.”

=Let's just get this over with, she's probably only doing this to annoy us.=

Annnd, then she frowned.

Shit, should probably have mentioned 'No lizards' or something... was hoping for, like, Twilight? There's no Twilight. Shit. “The purple one” may have been too vague a command. No matter! She could roll with this... hah, roll, because dice. No time to do anything else either, since everyone else filed in shortly after.

>Lizardo, I'm hurt, just wanted to spend some time with dear Applejack. I feel like we've had a bit of tension here lately, and I feel like this would be a good way to 'ease the hostilities' a bit! Just a friendly game.

=Riiight.=

Rolling his eyes, he made his way to the head of the table.

>NO!

=...=

>...It's uhhhh.... uhhh...

Shit, can't make this look like she's manipulating it...

>It's Poindexter's turn!

'Wait, what!?'

>You never do it! Your turn, not his.

“Not saying I disagree, but really? You want Poindexter to be in command of you living or dying in game. Remember, no grudge rule is still in effect. This goes for fireballs.”

>It's fiiine...

'B-but I-'

>SIT!

He did as commanded, and everyone took their seats around the table.

~Well, this'll certainly be new.~

[Seeing as Chrysalis is the one who asked us, she's probably got something evil planned.]

{Now, come on, her majesty might just wish to unwind. It has been a stressful day.}

=Yeah, because she's crazy and made it stressful being awful.=

Good, now she just had to wait for the game to get into full swing, and she could get all sorts of information. It was a carefree, easy environment, no stakes, surrounded by friends, no worries of backstabbing or danger, it was perfect.

'S-sooo... um. so, yeah, well, uh...'

...Or so she thought.

>Is there a problem, freckles?

“He gets nervous when he DM's.”

=Like, really nervous.=

'S-so you guys are in a... place? Yeah, you're in a place, with the thing. And there's a guy there.'

>...

'And he's bad.'

~As in, he's in the room?~

'No no no, he's in the castle, on top of the mountain. But you guys aren't on the mountain, you're in a forest. A big forest.'

“...”

'And it's scary.'

=...=

>Soooo... yeah, this seems like fun, isn't it, Applejack? Scary forests... say, didn't you work with trees? You should be familiar with-

'Chrysalis? Aren't you going to do the thing? You normally do the thing.'

>What?... Oh, no, it's fine, let's just get rolling.

As if an invisible hand had spun around the room and slapped them all, everyone reeled back.

[REALLY!?]

>I just want to get going.

{...Majesty, you know I trust you, but this doesn't sound like-}

>I just don't want to do it!

(Uh... huh..)

Shit, suspicious eyes.

'Are... are you sure-'

>FINE! 42!

{Yes, Highness?}

>Do the thing to Shiny!

{ME!?}

>Stop questioning me and do the thing!

“But I still have a ring of everlasting bonds with Cadence, her magic won't work on me alone.”

>Fine! Use your potion of the third eye and target them both!

{...b-boooth?}

>Both! At once! Tag team up in here! Use your potion, cast your love enchantment, and get busy!

{O-oh... okay... here I gooooo...}

>...Boom! Critical! Thank you very much!

{So now I uh... I have to... to booooth of you at the same time?}

[It appears that way, yes.]

“At least this is mixing it up a little.”

[It different. Not worse, but different.]

>Get to it!

{R-right! I'll uh... just... how does this work?}

~It would probably be best to... oh, what is that term? It's spitroasting but there's only one, ahem, 'pole'?~

{Uh-hh. I-I d-dooo- do I-}

>Who cares? She gets it, just-

(Yer' lookin' at me? Ah' don't know!)

[And like I would?]

>Is this really important?

=I'm not saying something incriminating.=

“I'm not familiar with it either, weirdly enough. Like, I know what it IS, I just never really labeled it.”

>Come on already! Let's just get to-

'Chrysalis? Do you know what it's called? My books are... 'exotic.''

>FINE! I think it's called tower something or other?

~No no, that's when the male is on the bottom and the other two make out.~

{M-make out... with her... while he's...}

>Huh... well, just do that.

{w-what?}

>Do that thing already so we can play the game!

{I... I don't think I-}

>DO THE DAMN SEX ALREADY!

{I-I-I-I-}

>STRADDLE SHINY'S PIECE, AND PUT CADENCE'S PIECE ON HIS HEAD, AND THEN YOU JUST LEAN FORWARD AND STICK YOUR TONGUE DOWN HER-

*BLAM!*

It sounded like a tire blowing out.

And then 42 slumped forward, smoke coming out of her ears.

>...
“...”
'…'
[…]
=...=
~...~
(...Well, that killed the mood.)

And with that, everyone started to get up.

~I hope she'll be alright.~

=Talk about being a jerk, totally forced her into that.=

(Downright cruel. Poor thing was freakin' out and she just kept pushin' her.)

>Wait, hold up! She's fiiiine! Totally fine! See!

She picked her up, moving her like a marionette.

They watched for a second as she made her dance.

And then, they all left.

>Well... shit.

'S-soooo, uh... do I win?'

>...Sure.

'Oh... neat! Awesome! Good game, everyone.'

>...

'...Good game.'
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>Pinkie
"Security"
~~~~

>What do you mean, "They're all gone"!?

"Well, they were there, visible, and now they are.. not."

>How do you lose track of a tye dyed zebra, tornado of pain, a giant neon colored mare who is SINGING, and... whatever the fruck that was!?

"Welll... we don't know. They were there, now they are not."

>...

"...Am I fired?"

>Not yet. I ugh... well, let's hope they don't mess anything up. How much trouble could they get into?

"..."

>...Buck.
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>Chrysalis
"???"
~~~~~~

>Damn it...

It was the only thing on her mind as she dragged 42 back to her room. Two little words.

>Damn it...

She couldn't even be mad at her. It was fucking 42. This changeling would drink poison for her if she asked her to describe the flavor. She didn't mean it.

But damn did it piss her off. She had been so close to achieving her goal, and now it would take forever to recreate a situation she could control. Applejack had the advantage once more, with the power to dictate how and why this conversation took place. That would not stand. If she was to learn more of her, it would have to be on more even term, where things are less likely to be hidden.

Perhaps she could get a couple drinks...

>What do you want?

Even now, her senses were trained for this. Able to detect any who would try to sneak up on her. Not that they were particularly sneaky.

"What are you planning?"

Bored, almost annoyed eyes turned back to the dragon standing at the other end of the hall.

>It was a game. I simply wanted to play with my allies.

"And yet, you invited me."

>I invited Twilight, you unfortunately have a similar color pallet and a history with the games, so poor Shiny got his wires crossed. I do not blame him, it was my fault.

"Heh, figures."

A thought niggled into the back of her mind. The dragon and Applejack were close, perhaps...

>So... didn't see you with Shiny's team during the games. Any reason?

"None that would concern you."

>... have you made any headway with your little dilemma?

He snorted, hard.

"I think we're past the point where I'd talk about my love life with you."

>Pfft, you should respect your elders.

He let out a long, hard laugh.

>... Am I wrong? Are you that old? Older than me?

A laugh that abruptly died a quick, sudden death.

>I'm seriously asking. Are you over a hundred? Not saying I am, a lady never speaks of her age, but I figured that would be a nice round number.

Nice and round, apt.

Since they described Spike's eyes perfectly.

>What? Bigger than that? No way are you over two hundred... or are you? How long does it take you guys to grow? Chitania mentioned you lived for tens of thousands of years, so is it fifty years to your species is equal to one of our normal years, development wise? Higher? Lower?

"..."

>At least tell me if I'm ballparking it!

"...I uh, I just came to check and make sure 42 was alright. You... yeah, see you later, Chrysalis."

With that, he turned around and bolted, holding his breath to keep himself from bursting out laughing.

>...He's probably six hundred or something, and I just made myself look like a massive idiot, didn't I?

She slammed a hoof into her face, growling bitterly.

>You see, Shiny? This shit is why I don't talk to those assholes. Your advice is full of it.

42 groaned slightly, as if in agreement.

>...I liked it better when I just mind controlled ponies.
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>Mane-iac
"2"
'18'
~~~

>AHAHAHHAHAH! WITH THIIIIIISSSS! WE HAVE CREATED THE ULTIMATE CONCOCTION! THE PEEEEEERFECT BREW OF INGREDIENTS!

"Mwahahahah! With this, we can make Marchmalleys... WITH HOT CHOCOLATE INSIDE!"

>BRRRIILLLLLIANT! Those FOOOOLS are so locked in their primitive ways of thinking their oh so SIMPLE ways of LIFE, that they could not IMMAAAAAGINE the tables turning! You thought marchmalleys went in hot chocolate...

"....YOU WERE WROOOOOONNNNGGGG!"

>AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHH!

"AHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!"

>"AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!"

>ACTIVATE... THE MACHIIIIIINE!

'Hey, guys? I got some drinks for us, did you want spritzy sprite or raspberry... rush... what are you two doing in front of the microwave?'

"ENGAGE!"

*BEEP!*

'Uh, guys? Making smores? You know you're not allowed near the... the oven... uh...'

>...Hugista?

"Yeah?

>How big is the marchmalley supposed to get?

"Bigger than a breadbox?"

>Well, it is bigger than that....

'...please tell me that stuff coming out of the side of the oven isn't what I think it is...'

"Ya' know, we should'a asked 18 what was gonna happen before we did this."

>SCRIBBLIS! QUEEEN OF ALL SIGNATURES THE WORLD OVER! I HAVE AN INQUIRY!

'No cuddling way is that a superhero.'

>What happens when you put hot chocolate inside of a marchmalley?

'What? Nothing. Well, unless it was boiling, in which case it would cause the marchmalley to expand like a piece of gum, and then...'

>...
"..."
'...Fudgemoving parts.'

*BOOOOOOOOOOOOM!*

*SPLAT!*

>...
"..."
'...You are both SO LUCKY we're mostly indestructible. Also, the cleaners are probably going to revolt.'

>ONE TWO THREE!

>"NOT IT!"

'...I wanted to play OnO...'
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>???
~~~

>Go down...

She had snuck away from the others the instant Applejack had left, the soonest possible time she could get away without anyone noticing. She would make up an excuse later, of course. "Had to use the bathroom." "Saw someone she recognized," stuff like that. They wouldn't ask, of course they wouldn't.

Because she asked them not to.

It wasn't fair, she realized, to be doing this to them. They have to be thinking she was going insane at this point. Or maybe just outright avoiding them.

They were kind of right...

>Go. Down.

The giant eyeball made of confetti just blinked at her, and continued to disobey as it consumed the trash can it was perched upon. Hard to out stare a giant eyeball.

So she shot it, and it exploded into, well confetti.

Just like always, she dragged as much as she could back inside of herself, draining as much chaos magic from this place as she could.

And just like always, her head swam as maddening, insane speak rattled about in her brain. Images flickered with no means to stop or control them.

Discord could not tell her how to stop them. He had admitted that much. "I just learned to live with them", he said.

But she could not.

Her friends needed her to be normal. Her animals needed her to be normal.

...She needed to be normal.

At last, the sparks running over every lobe subsided, just like they always did, and she could put on her best "Everything's okay" face once more.

She dusted herself off, and headed back inside.

She could do this.

She just needed a little more practice, and then she could tell everyone.

She could be normal.

...She could...
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Applejack
"Rarity"
~~~

When a certain orange, tired, annoyed looking mare plops down on the couch, the more cautious of the creatures that walk this earth might think to themselves "Hey, we should give her some space."

Rarity, however, was not one of them.

"Soooo... what did she want?"

>Taplahonnoh...

"Let's try that from the top, and I will ask you to leave the bed munching until a more appropriate time. As old fashioned as you are, I see a lot of that position in your future, do not wear out the taste too quickl-"

*WHAM!*

Pillows normally did not have the weight to knock someone like Rarity clear off her hooves.

Most pillows had not met Applejack.

>She jus' wanted ta' play OnO. Can ya' believe it?

"...hrm, no, I cannot, actually. After your... totally justified, I wish to assure you... your 'reaction' today, I would think she would be avoiding you."

>All she did was make 42 blow a fuse.

"How very... odd. What do you suppose she's planning?"

>Prolly some kinda prank to get back at me or somethin', or who knows, maybe Ah'm fulla pherowhatsits now.

"Oh, speaking of, our dear little skittery friend will be staying with Twilight this evening, she wishes to look her over before bed."

>S'long as she ain't brinin' bugbutt near her, Ah'm happy.

"Indeed... how much do you suppose Twilight really knows of our little refugee Queen?"

>Prolly same as Ah' do, which is nothin' cause she's a species that's all bout hidin', and somehow she's top o' the crop despite the fact she can't keep her dang mouth shut fer' four minutes.

"I suppose..."

>Got a problem with it?

"Hm? Oh, no, of course not. She's just as ghastly to me, and the less I know of her the better. But still, something is a bit off about this."

>...Think Ah' ought'a get onna those secret agents?

"Does Spike count?"

>...

"...Realized it as soon as I said it. Sticks out a bit in a crowd."

>No kiddin'.

>...I could be your secret agent.

There was a long pause.

Then loud, shared laughter.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Applejack
"Rarity"
~~~

When a certain orange, tired, annoyed looking mare plops down on the couch, the more cautious of the creatures that walk this earth might think to themselves "Hey, we should give her some space."

Rarity, however, was not one of them.

"Soooo... what did she want?"

>Taplahonnoh...

"Let's try that from the top, and I will ask you to leave the bed munching until a more appropriate time. As old fashioned as you are, I see a lot of that position in your future, do not wear out the taste too quickl-"

*WHAM!*

Pillows normally did not have the weight to knock someone like Rarity clear off her hooves.

Most pillows had not met Applejack.

>She jus' wanted ta' play OnO. Can ya' believe it?

"...hrm, no, I cannot, actually. After your... totally justified, I wish to assure you... your 'reaction' today, I would think she would be avoiding you."

>All she did was make 42 blow a fuse.

"How very... odd. What do you suppose she's planning?"

>Prolly some kinda prank to get back at me or somethin', or who knows, maybe Ah'm fulla pherowhatsits now.

"Oh, speaking of, our dear little skittery friend will be staying with Twilight this evening, she wishes to look her over before bed."

>S'long as she ain't brinin' bugbutt near her, Ah'm happy.

"Indeed... how much do you suppose Twilight really knows of our little refugee Queen?"

>Prolly same as Ah' do, which is nothin' cause she's a species that's all bout hidin', and somehow she's top o' the crop despite the fact she can't keep her dang mouth shut fer' four minutes.

"I suppose..."

>Got a problem with it?

"Hm? Oh, no, of course not. She's just as ghastly to me, and the less I know of her the better. But still, something is a bit off about this."

>...Think Ah' ought'a get onna those secret agents?

"Does Spike count?"

>...

"...Realized it as soon as I said it. Sticks out a bit in a crowd."

>No kiddin'.

"...I could be your secret agent."

There was a long pause.

Then loud, shared laughter.

>AHAHAHAH! The only secret agent with bejeweled grapplin' hooks!

"And you know I just blend fabulously into a crowd!"

>And ain't nobody gonna recognize YOU!

"Oh yes, everyone knows the Elements of Hamony."

Another pause

WAAAAY harder laughter.

>AHahah! Ahhh... it's the little things...

Slowly, her face regained a frown.

>Still, whatever she's plannin', Ah' can handle it. Iffi' need be, Ah'll go get that brother o' Twi's to pull on her leash.

"I think she would like that, honestly. She seems like the type."

>...

*WHAM!*

"HOW DO YOU THROW THESE SO HARD!?"

>Ah'm takin' a shower. Iffin' she comes around, get me. Or shoot her, whatever.

"..."

>...last part was a joke, please don't give her an excuse.

"I was about to say..."

>Freakin' bug monster.

"Well, you did take it upon yourself to 'help' her."

>Yeah, well, Ah' did a lotta things that're dumb. Let's add another ta' the list so Ah' can file that away too.

"I'll get right on that.."

But as soon as she left, Rarity tapped her chin curiously.

"What could she be up to..."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>29
"???"
'???'
[???]
~~~~~

Well, this was new.

Nothing but white everywhere. Except for the parts that are green. There were green parts in the white.

This would not be so odd if he didn't feel like he was missing all of his limbs.

...And his eyes were closed. That seemed like an issue as well.

"Bleedin' 'ell! This right wankers got himself lost who knows where!"

'Talk normal.'

"Ahhh, shove it up yer' shinin' ass, this is normal!'"

'But fine, whatever, you're right. We've got to get this guy out of... wherever the heck this is.'

"Ya' think we finally crossed to the other side 'ere? I feel like a right piker that's been dragged through the mud by one hell of a dingo!"

'If this is 'the happy place', we have been fed a lot of lies. This place feels horrible, so much resentment, hate and just... evil...'

"Yeah, everywhere you look you feel like you're starin' down a rabid croc."

'Can crocodiles get rabies?'

"...Huh..."

'Say, since he dragged us here, not the other way around, you think this might be the... 'not' happy place?'

"...Don't ya be like that!"

'I'm just throwing it out there-'

"No, nuh uh! This great bloomin' bastard may talk like he got hit in the head by a rip snortin' minotaur on a binge, but he ain't..."

'...Did that stuff just move?'

Even through his closed eyes, he could see them. Little flickers of green.

Heading right for him.

"OH HELL!"

'I think you might be speaking literally!'

"HOLY WALLABY STOMPIN' DUCK SKULLS WHAT THE BUCK IS THAT THING!?"

'I DON'T THINK THIS IS THE HAPPY PLACE!'

Huh. It just looked like a green, shapeless blob to him...

"HOW DO WE GET OUTTA HERE FUCK!?"

'STOP SWEARING HE'LL GET THE SOAP!'

"FUCK THIS, FUCK THAT AND FUUUUUCK YOU!"

A sickly sweet chuckle cut them all off.

[Well now, who do we have here? Tasty looking things..]

"...I'VE GOT IT!"

'What!?'

"We've gotta wake him up, right!?"

'Right?'

And then it felt like a bulldozer rammed headfirst into him.

Specifically, his... 'sword of fantasy'

'WHAT THE FUCK!? You kicked him in the dick!'

"YEAH!"

'You never kick someone in the dick! DUDE!'

"DID IT WORK OR DID IT WORK!?"

'...Oh, hey, look at that. He's fading. Neat.'

[Ohhh, leaving so soon? That's a pity. Oh well...]

It was hard to tell, since he was somehow squinting internally, but it seemed at least five other green shapes joined that one.

[...We'll be waiting when you come back. And oh what fun we will have, so very much you need to... hear...]

"Well, not us!"

'HAH! We actually wanted to save someone!'

"Yep, that was my last wish, ta' be the big hero for some blighter."

'And guess what?'

"'EAT IT!"'

[...Was talking to him.]

"...Oh, right, CRA-"

Somehow, the flash still stung.

But even as he began to drift away, no longer in that strange place but still not returned to earth, at last, he could speak. At last, he could say what was on his mind.

>My goddess... I WAS ABDUCTED BY ALIENS!

...Did I mention he was still on drugs?

He is.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>29
"Zecora"
'MM'
{13}
~~~~

AJ13 walks back to the amphitheatre only to tumble down the stairs
{Uuuuuhuhuhgh, I think I dislocated something this time.}

'I can pop it back in for you!'

{R-really?}

'Yes. It's because I'm truly, truly outrageous.'

29 appears on stage and orchestra music starts playing.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3dyqMKkwPY8

>Time to say goodbye.
>Paesi che non ho mai
>veduto e vissuto con te,
>adesso sì li vivrò.
>Con te partirò
>su navi per mari
>che, io lo so,
>no, no, non esistono più,
>con te io li rivivrò.

Trixie comes out and plays airhorns to the melody.

>Con te partirò
>su navi per mari
>che, io lo so,
"I'm a zigga!"
>no, no, non esistono più,
>con te io li rivivrò.
>Con te partiròoooooooo
"I'm a zigga"

>Io con teeee

'This might hurt a bit Mr Crab.'

{Wait what? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH}
>eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Sucker Punch
"41"

"Soooo..."

>Yup.

"Nice of that janitor dude to sweep us all the way over to the hotel, eh?"

>Yuuuup.

"Kinda wish I found the Queen, she needs to know about the dirtbags and their magic-mockers."

>Infusions.

"My version's better."

>It kinda is.

"Thanks, so hey, that singing, huh? That was fun!"

>Oh yeah, you uh...you been working on that female version on me a while?

"Huh? Oh nah, I winged it. I mean it's just you with a slimmer figure a slightly softer face and a nicer ass, child's play."

>Huh, I kinda had you pegged as not being too good at the changey stuff.

"Wha? Why?"

>Because, I dunno, you just seemed more combat focused.

"I keep in practice, you just don't see it, I knocked out what's his face and made myself up like him one day and stood next to you all the way through."

>I THOUGHT Buckler was a bigger asshole than usual that day!

The two share a laugh as they walk up to their hotel room.

>So...pinata huh?

"Hey! Triage is gonna love it, you all can bite me!"

>Just saying, come the morning if you wanna hit the gift shop before we head home, I'm game.

"...heh..."

>What?

"Never really figured I'd agree with calling that place home."

>How so?

"I dunno, we've been...my race I mean, we haven't really stayed anywhere for too long, y'know?"

>Yeah, well, I've made my peace with being stuck with you.

"What a coincidence!"

41 wraps a foreleg around Sucker Punch's neck and noogies him as the pegasus struggles to unlock the door.

>Hey c'mon, ya wanna get into the room or not?

"Never, this is for all the times this stupid scalp of yours has knocked me out! Reveeeenge!"

Sucker Punch unlocks the door and ducks out of 41's headlock, pushing her into the room, the two are all grins as they feint and pounce and dodge each other, throwing blows with no intention of actually landing them. Finally the two end up in a clinch and fall on their side on the bed-

SNAP!

>...

"..."

>...

"...SHIT."

>We...we did all that with the pinata still on your back?

"FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF-"

>Wow, I uh...wow...

"-UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-"

>Yeah, we're...we're definitely gonna need to go to the gift shop.

"-UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-"

>You...uh...

"GRHRHGGHRKGHRERKLGHERKAAAAGH!"

>...wanna eat the candy?

"...yes."

And they did.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>56
“Luna”
‘Dadling’
[Batmom]
{Chrysalis}
_______

[That little brat! Oooooh, when I catch him...]

She broke off, gnashing her teeth.

[Where’d they get off to?!]

‘Who now?’

[Don’t you do that, don’t you play dumb now, this is serious!]

‘Sweetheart, you’ve got to believe me when I say this, okay? What I’m about to say next will be a tad upsetting to you and, yes, it might even make you hit me but it needs to be said.’

Dadling cleared his throat, watching his anxious fiancé pace back and forth.

‘You have a mad obsession with Luna.’

He expected to be hit, his hunched form displaying as such, but what he didn’t expect was the gentle kiss over his nose that got it twitching.

[I know that, sweetheart.]

And she went right back to pacing while he stood there, a tidal wave of toasty love emanating from where her lips touched.

‘…I love you.’

[I know that, too.]

~~~~~

When he didn’t hear that grating voice nor feel the sting of a hoof to the head, 56 exhaled, relief slumping his body as he gazed over at the confused Luna princess.

“We… do not understand this. Where is this stand of moon pies thou mentioned earlier, 56? We see no stand, we see no moon pies.”

Yeah, he had lied… but! But it was necessary, in order to get some distance between them and her personal guard, some alone time.

>I know, Moons, it’s just….

Just she really was beautiful in her element. Underneath her glowing moon with her mane twinkling with all manner of stars; even her eyes, narrowed as they were, reminded him of jewels.

It sometimes angered him how he could never properly say what he was thinking, feeling sure that if he opened his mouth to repeat that all he’d get out would be “I like you.”

>Stupid…

“What is stupid? What’s going on?”

Hope beginning to wane, he approached her like a peasant might to their sovereign and nudged one of her legs with his forehead.

“56?”

>I’m… I’m tryin’, Moons, I really am, just…

He lifted a hoof, pointing to the ferris wheel slowly revolving across the way. A visible cringe flashed over her features.

“Ah. The wheel of soul-sucking rotation. Yes, it is indeed over there. And we are here, far away, which is good. Now, why does thou point to it?”

>I-I wanted to know if maybe… maybe we…

He froze, eyes widening at her leg before looking up into her face.

>You’re… warm.

“We would imagine so. Our coat keeps us a nice temperature and our blood does flow as it should, but what does that discovery have to do with-”

>No, no, no… you’re warm, Moons. I… I can feel it in my chitin. Not like heat warm but more like… like love warm.

Luna lifted a hoof with a quizzical stare. Then realization hit and she offered him a smile that made him feel like the luckiest creature on earth.

“Well, it’s not as though we detest thee. We find thee quite deserving of our attention.”

>REALLY?

He hadn’t meant to yell like some ruffian but it did coerce a giggle from the princess and she nodded. His eyes found the ground, searching rapidly, eagerness building, confidence growing.

>Okay… okay, okay, Moons! Come with me on the ferris wheel!

“Wh-what?”

Her ears flattened. His heart throbbed.

“We thought that was a last day affair….”

>I thought so to but if I don’t do this now I’ll chicken out and be worse than Scoots! Will you? Please? Please, Moons?

Sometime later she would sit and ponder just when exactly the point arrived where puppy dog eyes could sway her.

But for now she only sighed, causing a mysteriously strong gust of night wind to blow by, and nodded.

“If we must, if it is that important to-”

>Awesome! C’mon, let’s go, let’s go, before they close!

“Mother help us….”

~~~~~~

Holy shit.

Unbe-fucking-lievable.

She couldn’t turn her back for ten seconds without one of her subjects going off and acting retarded, it seemed.

The sudden spark of love mixed with anticipation had set off Chrysalis’s own receptors and she glanced about in almost radar-like fashion.

{Who’s done it now? Who’s acting stupid and wants to feel my hoof go right up their….}

She gasped, wincing, when her horn ignited with a green spark, illuminating both the hotel entryway and the unconscious punchbug. And suddenly, she knew who it was.

{…Ohhhhhh shit. Shit, shit, shit! GODDAMN IT!}

Without a second thought to her next move, she gripped 42 by a limp hoof and turned to the front desk.

{YOU! HER! WATCH!}

The stallion on shift had no time to react when the Queen flung her subordinate like a frisbee and thus flailed about, taking a Changeling to the stomach with such force they both fell over.

Chrysalis didn’t see them hit the ground. Halfway into 42’s flight was when a wave of crackling green flames burst up around her figure and she was gone.

~~~~~

Fire-flight had its uses, of course. Long distances covered in a blink, barely an ounce of energy consumed, a real boon for the Changeling race on the whole. Take
that, ponies.

But there were some places that not even fire-flight could reach, due to precautions or barriers or whatever unforeseen obstacle, and wouldn’t you know it, who she sought happened to be surrounded by a very powerful obstacle. So she chose the next best route, a route littered with his scent.

FWOOM.

‘HOLY SHIT CHRIST WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?’

{…Oh. Sure. It would be you, wouldn’t it?}

‘My… my Queen? Is… are you really here? Like, really, really? No joke?’

{Are you implying you see hallucinations of me…?}

‘I- NO! Never, I just… it’s been so long, you know? I mean, I got the letter and all but I didn’t think-’

{Talking is something I need you to NOT do right now. Okay? Not now. The only thing I need from you this second is answers.}

‘A-anything!’

{Where in the blue hell is 56?}

‘Why do you-’

{Hard of hearing Changeling, aren’t you? Answers. Not questions.}

‘Last I remember, he was with Luna, your majesty.’

It was perhaps a good thing Dadling chose that moment to glance away, back towards the bathrooms where his muse had disappeared into seconds prior to this visit. Otherwise the look on his Queen’s face may very well have stopped his heart.

Dadling was still talking. Oblivious.

‘And it’s actually good timing that you showed up, too, because, um… you see, there’s someone I want you to m-meet and it’d mean the world to me if-’

He was abruptly silenced when a string of guttural, almost insect-like clicks slid off Chrysalis’s tongue and into his ears. She… she had just said his name in length. And given him an order.

‘Yes, my Queen. This way.’

All thought of his wife, of introducing her, of explaining their situation… all of it was tossed to the wayside as Dadling bowed before taking off down the vacant lane, the daunting shadow of his Queen right over his shoulder.

~~~~~~

The ride had indeed been on the verge of shutting down but, as with Luna, the operator caved under the quivering bottom lip of 56 and allowed them to ride, just once.

For Luna, a majority of the way up was spent with her wings folded close, eyes clamped shut and listening to 56 as he bounced all around the interior.

>Moooooons! Hey, Moons, come check this out, look! This is like- OH WOW we’re so high up right now! How many feet do ya think? I think a bajillion. You think it’s a bajillion? Probably two bajillion!

“If thou couldst stop talking about height while we’re encased within this metal ball, we would appreciate it. A lot. Really.”

The cushion next to her dipped and she glanced through her lashes to see the little Changeling looking oddly pensive.

“…Is there something thou needs?”

>Yeah….

“Well, we cannot read minds, 56. You will have to speak it.”

When their compartment gave a loud, wrenching whine of machinery, Luna opted to act in a princess-like manner and screamed, her arms wrapping around 56.

“By the stars on our ass what was that?!”

>The ride stoppin’. I asked ‘em to pause it at the very top.

He might have sprouted a second and third horn for the look she gave him.

“Why would thou deign to do something so dangerous?”

His mind was waving a red flag and telling him to laugh it off but his heart was telling him that if he didn’t bug up and say something then he’d miss his chance forever.

>Moons, ya ever wanted to say somethin’ but… I dunno, the words just won’t come out right?

“Aye, 56. There’ve been many a night we’ve spent pondering how best to break it to our sister that her addiction to cake has nearly brought our nation to ruin.”

56 opened his mouth to point out that her own confectionary consumption was surely just as economically dangerous but decided to sigh it out.

>Right, kinda like… yeah. I have something to ask you, Moons….

“If thou are inquiring if we’d like to go down now, the answer is a definite yes.”

>N-no, not that, it’s….

~~~~~

He’d explained the situation while they ran, told how 56 planned to take ‘her’ on the ferris wheel on the last day.

It didn’t take a genius to figure out what the endgame was and, as the two of them approached the still ride, heads arched back, Chrysalis could only grit her teeth.

{Okay… okay… no storming clouds, no foals screaming in the distance, no mass explosion of blood… yeah, we’re still safe.}

‘Excuse me, your majesty?’

His insides writhed unpleasantly when her tongue clicked and chirped, repeating his name again.

{You need to get up there and stop them.}

The order was absolute but Dadling didn’t move a quarter, instead analyzing his Queens rigid posture.

‘Can I ask what will happen if I go? Like, I… I won’t die, right? Because, wow, I know I might’ve been a bit depressing before coming to the castle but I assure you I’ve found a reason to live now and-’

{No, you idiot. I’m sending you because I’m not in my most rational mind right now… and if I go myself then I’ll more than likely do something to the princess that might end both our futures.}

‘Oh. Right, right… then I guess I’ll, uh, zip right on up there and-’

{Time is of the essence. Here, let me give you a hoof.}

‘WHOA!’

~~~~~

“…Come again?”

Even with his face already red enough to brighten the entire compartment, 56 refused to break eye contact, barely able to hear her over his thudding heart.

>I-I-I s-said w-will you kuh-k-kiss me…?

“We do not see why not.”

He sighed, defeated.

>Yeah, I figured as much. After all, I’m jus’a stupid bug-thing… who’d ever want to kiss something like m- wait, what? What did you just… you will?

“If thou requires a kiss, we see nothing wrong with it. After all the effort help thou hast exerted with our dieting and other works, ’tis a simple request to fill.”

>Get the hay outta here….

“We wish we could!”

>No, no, not that, I mean… if you’re serious- are ya serious? ‘Cause if ya are, I’m r-ready!

And ready he was, judging by the way he puckered his lips to comical proportions and closed his eyes.

He waited. And waited, listening to nothing but the odd sound of her shuffling mixed with his own sporadic hea-

When he felt the her hoof just underneath his chin, holding his fidgeting form still, he nearly passed out. An exhale, then something hot grazed 56’s nose. He tensed as the scent of her candied breath invaded his nostrils.

“A kiss for an honorable Changeling….”

This was it! Thiswasitthiswasitthiswas-

“There! Did thou not enjoy that?”

56 opened his eyes, all of the pent up anxiousness in his body telling him that the slightly wet sensation over his cheek was where her lips had made contact. Not upon his own.

He didn’t have a chance to answer her, however, because an instant later something black and solid crashed through the glass of their compartment, catching halfway through.

‘DON’T KISS! Please… don’t do it… don’t kiss….’

>NTL…? What're you doin’? Waaaay up here and stuck in our window?

“HAS THE DEMON SUCKED THEE IN AS WELL?”

‘You guys… you didn’t kiss, did you?’

>No. Well, sorta, I guess, but it wasn’t what I….

He stopped there, the frown that existed sliding up into a quiet smirk. He regarded the fretting princess with soft eyes. Sure… that kiss wasn’t exactly what he’d wanted, but it would do. It was more than he could’ve hoped for, more than he deserved… probably more than she’d given to anyone else, too. Which made it more special.

>She did kiss me. Riiiight here, on the cheek. The cheek I’ll never wash again.

‘Oh praise Celestia on high….’

“We do not understand. Do our lips have a cleansing ability we did not know of?”

>Could be, Moons. Could be.

And as his heart settled back into a normal tempo, he realized that what he felt earlier… it hadn’t been love. But intense care. She cared for him a great deal, but love, so easy at times to misconstrue for care, was still a ways off.

>Doesn’t mean I can’t still try, I guess.

“Try what, 56?”

>Try an’ get ya on back on that diet, your hips are takin’ up a good majority of the seat here.

“R-rude boy! We have no idea what thou speaks of.”

As the two of them squabbled, Dadling, half in the compartment and half out, merely fell limp with solace.

‘Crisis averted, my Queen.’

But his Queen was no longer at the bottom of the ferris wheel. No, after feeling the exhilaration within 56 fade like the coming morning, Chrysalis only scoffed, grinning as she trotted off back to the hotel.

So it seemed the lunar horse did have some common sense after all.

Good. That was good. For everyone.

Fuck, being a Queen was tough work.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Dash
"Spitfire"
'Soarin'
[LD]
{Gilda}
=Bulk=
~~~~

>There you guys are! Where the heck have you been!?

"Meh."

>...Did you guys take Bulk on the rides like I said?

"Some of them."

'ALL OF MY BITS!'

"Soarin' paid."

>What? I left you guys with money!

"Forgot it at the hotel."

>...So, well, why didn't you GO GET THEM!?

"Meh."

[She's been like this all day.]

>And, what, you've just been taking it?

{Meh.}

>...You're all messing with me, aren't you?

'ALL! OF! MY! BITS!'

>... Did you at least see the crazy stuff at the amphitheater?

"Nope. Did something interesting happen?"

>...

"...What?"

>Where is Bulk anyway-

*CRASH!*

=RAINBOW DASH!=

>You don't have to salute, you're off duty.

=IMMA DO IT ANYWAY!=

>Riiiight... why are you sweating?

=I HAD TO RUN TO THE GIFT SHOP!=

[Wait, what!? You were only gone five minutes!]

=I FLEW FAST! THEY WERE CLOSING!=

>Making a note of that, but why did you...

He just shoved something into her hooves.

That something was a little thank you card.

Totally cheap, dime a dozen thank you card.

>...

"...Well, that's just a load of garbage-"

*POW!*

{HOLY AUNT PAULIE'S CRACKERS!}

>Who just saw their superior officer knock an uppity subordinate the fuck out?

'...'
[...]
{...}

>That's what I thought. Thanks, Bulk. I really appreciate this. You gonna have more fun tomorrow?

=YEEEEEEAH!=

>Atta boy... kind of like it at this point.

'So, uh, should we get some ice or-'

>Nahhh... she's cold enough without it.

=...I DON'T GET IT!=

>And that's why you're my favorite.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________