Anduin X Raza

A Hearthstone Fanfic
By: Razorback1142
Anduin’s Return Home
The scene: Raza is sitting in his chair at home meticulously arranging his card in alphabetical order, making sure there is absolutely NO duplicates in his collection. It was 5pm and raza needed to get this done before his boyfriend, shadow reaper anduin, got home at eight. Raza decided to give anduin a call to make sure things were going well at work.
Raza: Hey babe! How are things going at work?

Anduin: Going good, I’m almost done. Only 3 more turns till in home!


Raza: Good, good I can’t wait to see you, if you know what I mean.

Anduin: Oh I know alright...hehe. I can’t wait.

Raza: Oh by the way can you pick up a new card back for me? My rank one legend back is getting old. Perhaps a rank 26 EU card back? I've heard those are much better.

Anduin: Oh…. of course… I guess. Are you sure you can’t pick one up yourself?

Raza: Don’t be silly I Only have five mana crystals, you have eight. Well anyways got to go, see you at eight!

Raza hangs up the phone and floats over to the table where he was sorting his new Kobolds and Catacombs cards. Anduin, still at work, sighs and walks back to his desk obviously irritated at Raza’s demands for a new card back. Did raza think he was just made of mana or something, these things aren't cheap. Anyways, only 450 seconds later anduin storms into the house and runs to his room sobbing and barley making eye contact with Raza.

Raza: Anduin what's wrong babe!

Raza follows anduin to his room but the door is already locked shut behind a $49.99 pre-order  paywall.

Raza: Babe, let me in! I just wanna talk, what’s wrong?

Anduin: You only love me for my mana crystals!

Raza can hear anduin sobbing from the other side of the door. He knocks again and pleads with his boyfriend.

Raza: No! That’s not true at all, if you would let me in I can explain.

Anduin opens the door but refuses to look Raza in the eyes. Raza takes his  red hand and slowly brings anduin’s chin up so he’s forced to meet his gaze.

Raza: I love you because of those beautiful purple eyes and your super saiyan hairstyle makes you irresistible. Your mana crystals are just an added bonus on top of your ability to destroy all minions with five or more attack.

Anduin wipes the tears from his eyes and hold Raza’s gaze and places a shadowy hand on his inner thigh.

Anduin: I love you too Raza.

Raza tingles with excitement and takes a deep breath as his heart begins to race. He brings anduins face to his and they exchange red and purple saliva like a weird flavor of kool-aid. Raza continues with one hand to undo Anduin’s robe while with other binding himself to the bedpost with his chains.

Raza: Are you ready to surrender you will to the cabal?

Anduin: Only if you’re ready to embrace the shadow.

Anduin whips out his package that he conveniently named the shadow.


Raza: Holy shit! Only three inches!

Anduin: Wait, hold on.

Anduin pulls a card out from behind his back. Dinosize. The shadow rapidly grew until it reached 10 attack and 10 health.

Raza: ??? Where did you get that from?

The Raza reads the text under the card “Created from spellslinger”

Raza: Oh man, now things are getting wild!

Raza turns around until he’s facing the bed, with his wrinkly rear end facing anduin. Anduin blasts him once but then suddenly stops, unable to move.

Raza: Why did you stop? Conceded so soon?

Anduin: I’ve already used my hero power this turn, I can’t blast for another 75 seconds!

Raza: Here take this!

Raza grabs a arclight spanner from the bed and hands it to anduin. Suddenly, his hero power is refreshed. He blasts Raza again, dealing 2 damage. He plays a drinks a potion of madness (because everyone knows sober sex sucks) and deals another 2. Shadow visions into another 2. Mind Blast into another 2.

Raza and Anduin: Ugh… I’m almost there, just one more blast!

Anduin plays one last mind blast, dealing lethal damage to Raza’s anus. Raza exclaimed well played as he slumps to the floor, his chains rattling and sticky purple liquid spattered all over the floor. Suddenly Raza gets up and looks at Anduind with a look of mixed horror and disgust.

Raza: HOW COULD YOU!

Anduin: How could I what? What did I do wrong?

Raza: YOU PLAYED A DUPLICATE MIND BLAST HOW COULD YOU. I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME!

Anduin: I got it off shadow visions I swear, I would never dream of putting a duplicate in my deck!

Raza: Oh you did? I’m sorry for yelling at you.

Raza pulls anduin in for a quick kiss and without cleaning up and they exit the bedroom and head over to the Ranked Ladder Inn in search of more people to fuck.