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- bind pub omn !ks proc_kicks
- bind pub omn !kbs proc_kickbans
- bind pub omn !DECAPITATION proc_decap
- bind pub -|- !DICEDUEL proc_duel
- bind pub omn !LAZOR proc_lazor
- bind pub omn !GOATSE proc_goatse
- bind pub omn !DERP proc_derp
- bind pub omn !DINO proc_dino
- bind pub omn !RAEP proc_raep
- bind pub omn !MORDOR proc_mord
- bind pub omn !BEARTRAP proc_bear
- bind pub omn !HUH_ proc_huh
- bind pub omn !SAS proc_sas
- bind pub omn !DICKINBUTT proc_dib
- bind pub omn !COCKS proc_cocks
- proc proc_kicks { nick uhost hand chan text } {
- putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :Methods are \: \002 !DECAPITATION !DICEDUEL !LAZOR !GOATSE !DERP !SAS !DICKINBUTT \002"
- }
- proc proc_kickbans { nick uhost hand chan text } {
- putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :Methods are \: \002 !RAEP !MORDOR !BEARTRAP !HUH_ !COCKS \002"
- }
- proc proc_dib { nick uhost hand chan text } {
- global botnick
- if {[onchan $text]} {
- if {$text == $botnick} { return 0 }
- putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :8:::::::::D~~~$text"
- putquick "KICK $chan $text :Eat my love juice"
- putquick "INVITE $text $chan" }
- }
- proc proc_sas { nick uhost hand chan text } {
- global botnick
- if {[onchan $text]} {
- if {$text == $botnick} { return 0 }
- putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :This is $text http://imgur.com/Hsmxw"
- putquick "KICK $chan $text :$botnick hates socks and sandals"}
- }
- proc proc_raep { nick uhost hand chan text } {
- global botnick
- if {[onchan $text]} {
- if {$text == $botnick} { return 0 }
- set banmask [getchanhost $text $chan]
- putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :$text is far too innocent. He needs a DAMN good RAEPing."
- putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :\0034With blood. \0032\:3"
- putquick "MODE $chan +b $banmask"
- putquick "KICK $chan $text :$botnick RAEPs $text with his large collection of anatomically correct animal dildos"
- putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :Thank you to RAEP for being Dino's AMAZING test subject <333333333"
- } else { putserv "PRIVMSG $chan :$text Is Not In The Channel" }
- }
- proc proc_cocks { nick uhost hand chan text } {
- global botnick
- if {[onchan $text]} {
- if {$text == $botnick} { return 0 }
- set banmask [getchanhost $text $chan]
- putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :COCKS."
- putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :http://i.imgur.com/ddse1.gif"
- after 3000
- putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :\00316Do you like the cocks?"
- after 5000
- putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :\0034We know you do"
- putquick "MODE $chan +b $banmask"
- putquick "KICK $chan $text :Lolcocks"
- } else { putserv "PRIVMSG $chan :$text Is Not In The Channel" }
- }
- proc proc_mord { nick uhost hand chan text } {
- global botnick
- if {[onchan $text]} {
- if {$text == $botnick} { return 0 }
- set banmask [getchanhost $text $chan]
- putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :YOU SHALL NOT"
- putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :\0038FUCKING"
- putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :\0034\002PASS"
- after 500
- putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :\00316My precious"
- putquick "MODE $chan +b $banmask"
- putquick "KICK $chan $text :Gandalf"
- } else { putserv "PRIVMSG $chan :$text Is Not In The Channel" }
- }
- proc proc_dino { nick uhost hand chan text } {
- if {$nick == Dinosaur} {
- putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :DINOSAUR IS FUCKING AWESOME"
- putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :DINOSAUR IS FUCKING AWESOME"
- putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :DINOSAUR IS FUCKING AWESOME"}
- else{
- putquick "YOU ARE NOT DINOSAAAUUUUWWWWWWW"}
- }
- proc proc_bear { nick uhost hand chan text } {
- global botnick
- if {[onchan $text]} {
- if {$text == $botnick} { return 0 }
- set banmask [getchanhost $text $chan]
- putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :$nick places beartraps in a circle around $chan, to keep $text out"
- putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :\0034$text will now leave voluntarily. In 20 seconds."
- after 20000
- putquick "MODE $chan +b $banmask"
- putquick "KICK $chan $text :I told you not to stand on the beartraps"
- } else { putserv "PRIVMSG $chan :$text Is Not In The Channel" }
- }
- proc proc_huh { nick uhost hand chan text } {
- global botnick
- if {[onchan $text]} {
- if {$text == $botnick} { return 0 }
- set banmask [getchanhost $text $chan]
- putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :Huh_ hears $nick's pleas, and banishes the fuck out of $text"
- after 200
- putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :Seriously Huh_'s awesome"
- putquick "PRIVMSG $text :PM Huh_ for an unban"
- putquick "MODE $chan +b $banmask"
- putquick "KICK $chan $text :http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Huh_\(god\)"
- } else { putserv "PRIVMSG $chan :$text Is Not In The Channel" }
- }
- proc proc_decap { nick uhost hand chan text } {
- if {[onchan $text]} {
- if {$text == $botnick} { return 0 }
- putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :$text is decapitated"
- putquick "KICK $chan $text :It's only temporary"
- } else { putserv "PRIVMSG $chan :\002$text\002 Not In Channel" }
- }
- proc proc_duel { nick uhost hand chan text } {
- if {[onchan $text]} {
- if {$text == $botnick} { return 0 }
- if matchattr $text omn then {
- "KICK $chan $nick :DAFUQ IS WRONG WIT YOU NIQQA?!?"
- }
- else {
- set dice {expr { rand() }}
- putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :Rolling dice"
- if {dice <=0.50} {duel = 1}
- else {duel = 2}
- after 2000
- if {duel = 1} then {
- putquick "KICK $chan $text :You lost"
- }
- elseif {duel = 2} then {
- putquick "KICK $chan $nick :You lost"
- }
- }
- } else { putserv "PRIVMSG $chan :\002$text\002 Not In Channel" }
- }
- proc proc_lazor { nick uhost hand chan text } {
- if {[onchan $text]} {
- if {$text == $botnick} { return 0 }
- putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :\0034Charging.........\003"
- after 500
- putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :\0034Charging.........\003"
- after 1000
- putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :\0038Charging.........\003"
- after 1500
- putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :\0038Charging.........\003"
- after 2000
- putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :\0033Charged :D\003"
- putquick "KICK $chan $text :LAAAZZZZOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRR"
- } else { putserv "PRIVMSG $chan :\002$text\002 Not In Channel" }
- }
- proc proc_goatse { nick uhost hand chan text } {
- if {[onchan $text]} {
- if {$text == $botnick} { return 0 }
- putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :$botname applies gloves\003
- putquick "KICK $chan $text :Tears $text a new asshole on his chest"
- } else { putserv "PRIVMSG $chan :\002$text\002 Not In Channel" }
- }
- proc proc_derp { nick uhost hand chan text } {
- if {[onchan $text]} {
- if {$text == $botnick} { return 0 }
- putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :\0038Lol-DERP$text\003"
- after 500
- putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :\0032I wrote you a poem, Derp$text\003"
- after 500
- putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :\0032Lemme find it...\003"
- after 1000
- putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :\0038FOUND IT!\003"
- putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :\0034Clears throat\003"
- after 200
- putquick "PRIVMSG $chan :\0033Roses are Red, violets are blue, I'm gonna fuck you with a rake\003"
- putquick "KICK $chan $text :I hope you enjoyed it. \0032I wrote it myself"
- } else { putserv "PRIVMSG $chan :\002$text\002 Not In Channel" }
- }
- putlog "my large anus is loaded"
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