Medaka Box part 2: 3,402,193,822,311 years ago

[Medaka Box redux, jump #277]

Drawbacks: Grand Reveal, Cute, Magnificent and Most of All FRESH!, My Little Friend, Growing Pains, Kujira Kind, The Many Kings of Cheat, Blood Rain, Fukurou You, Kurokami Pride, Blackest Wedding Ever, Absolute Minus, 3,402,193,822,311 years, [I Won, I Won, I Won!], Are You Even Alive? (5300)

Not Equal, age 18

Skill Creation (+200, 4500)
I Wanna Be The Strongest HeroX2 (3700)
Choose Your Victory (Free)
Call Me Anon-shin'in (Free)
Sweet Sweets (Free)
Concept Ball (3500)
Gotta Have Power To Get Power (3200)
ABNORMAL GROWTH (2600)
Re𝘢lism Lifeh𝘢ck (2000)
Doctor Stylish (1400)
Dearest Enemy: Elodie (1100)
Hyper Signing (700)
[Jumper System] (100)
-Stylist, Verbal Hurricane, The New Chess, I Wanna Be The Strongest HeroX2 (0), Royal User (+200, 100), Truth User (0)
Canon: Medaka, Ajimu

Anon staggered backwards while bleeding smokeless fire as he struggled to breathe, like a preacher reaching in supplication to a silent god. Then he fell and shattered into embers on the polished platinum roof. It was the 407th time this had happened.



In the beginning, there was darkness. And so finding the towers hadn't been hard for the impromptu adventuring party, because they shown like brilliant stars amidst the oppressive nonexistence. World-trees bedecked with many-eyed halos, golden computer networks built into the surface of superdense matter, vast discs upon which arcologies emerged like a child assembling toy blocks. Of the trio that had ventured so far into the hunt for anon, Ajimu had come to realise each wonder had something in common with each other: A dungeon, with some sort of prize hidden deep within. Well, that and the stone dragons that nested among stone trees. Medaka had been relieved to find a lifeform that didn't run away from her, but after a while something about them seemed to rub her the wrong way round. The one dragon she'd made friends with, and named Puff-Kun, had been suplexed from one layer of frozen light to another before it started regenerating it's broken stone scales with fleshy ones. Even crippled and beaten, it seemed more lively than any of the other dragons, reacting to Medaka's petting like a lazy dog.



"It's a T-shirt. It's another useless T-shirt" grumbled Ihiko, storming out of the dungeon in which he had left many Ihiko-shaped holes charging through the dimensional prisons, illusions and actual walls in search of what lay within. And indeed, in his hands was a plain white tee with "I Chased The Jumper To The Beginning Of All Existence And All I Got Was This T-Shirt" written on it.



"Of course it is" said Ajimu. "Even if he wanted to make amends, Anon isn’t very open about his feelings is he? I'm surprised you stuck around anyway, I thought you only wanted to settle your score with being beaten by him"



"Tch. You don't think he's actually dead do you, Anshin'in?" retorted the brutish man, hefting his ancient sword as he tread upon Anon's smouldering remains.  “These GNATS are empty. Hollow. Like your own Not-Equals, it's like swiping at dead skin cells. I can't even recognize their attacks anymore"



"I told you not to call me that" said Ajimu sharply, "but it is strange even I, with my Alibi Lock, can't seem to find him. If I could then I would gladly drown him in half my Skills at once to repay the terrible shock of knowing how fictional this world really is. Only after he's lost everything too, would I use my remaining skills to thank him for showing me why that isn't all bad"



"Ge he he! I don't care about any of your delusions, I just want to prove my worth as a hero against a beast that straddles the moon and earth! To think there was something so fresh, it would make me risk my life-I almost feel like a real hero again!"



"Well, I suppose I should be happy for you. I might even manage it, one day. But he's not here, and I can't even tell how he's negating my tracking Skills so we'll just have to keep looking for another one of these strange places to loom out of the darkness. Hey Medaka, you coming?"



They started at Medaka, who was hugging a wall and humming to herself. The pair shared a look. Medaka was neither an ancient hero nor an inhuman horror from before the stars, and they wondered just how well she was taking the crushing sensory deprivation of this time before time.



"Medaka-chan? You coming?"



"...Beyonce. It's Beyonce. She's a singer from his world, her song is sustaining this one" said Medaka, swaying as she walked back to the pair. "Can't you feel it? The subliminal frequencies of the singing rock powering this world, they're telling us where to go! All the single ladies, all the single ladies!" she shouted triumphantly.



"...maybe you should take a break" said Ajimu carefully. "As formidable as Anon is, are you sure copying all of my Skills was a good idea?"



"Absolutely. This time, I'll reach him without fail" said Medaka smugly. "Even if this wish of his was to repent for a half measure. Even if I don't want to be pitied. Even if he's hiding himself away because the pain was greater than he expected. I know what I was put on this world to do now, so even he can't stop me"



"Like Zenkichi couldn't?"



Medaka frowned. Balling her fists and staring at nothing, she said "Don't be mean, Ajimu-san. This journey, I wanted to make it just so I could tell him how sorry I was for not catching on earlier too. I can't-I shouldn't change what was done in the past, because he found his own happy ending. That doesn't mean I shouldn't have done a better job the first time around"



"That's just it. Anon thought you would've done better with someone like Zenkichi, rather than someone like him whose basic nature is to dominate and control. Even in love. Because he could understand you, so he kept you at a distance to prevent you from becoming like him. Or me" added Ajimu.



"He failed, then. He was reliable, taught me so much about other people, and whatever he said. I'm sure he didn't regret meeting us. In other words, you're saying he would rather be lonely than admit his way is flawed" retorted Medaka. She smiled sadly. "I knew there was something nostalgic about him, even if he likes pretending to be like your double. If you've made him a main character with your Skills, then this time we'll be destined to meet again for sure!"



"Even if that meeting breaks you? Even if his proof as a main character is to trample on the narratives of others?"



"No. Especially. You should have told me what he was from the start, Anshin'in. Instead of treating him as a reliable man, I would have prioritized the request he wouldn't ever make"



Ajimu nodded, folding her legs mid-"air". "Well, I wish you luck princess. Yes, out of the three of us, as an evolving main character you stand the greatest chance against him. Even with Ihiko, while I managed to restore his original form he's at a disadvantage when it comes to Anon who conceived of his weakness"



"Hey, can we get a move on?" grumbled Ihiko. "Some of us don't care about your schoolgirls' drama, let's just get to the fight and get it done with!"



"Coming, coming!" trilled Ajimu, as they went to the edge of the tower, large parts of it exploding from Ihiko's damage in the background. "But I wouldn't hold my breath. I took us all here to this un-place, because it was before all of the stories. All the shounen jump issues and even advertisements. Here there are no conventions or side characters to intervene, the only plot is what a main character carries with them. The only problem is, the story can't start if the characters don't meet each other. And whatever he's doing, he's indefinitely delaying the chapter in which we all meet"



"Don't worry, I know where we should go" said Medaka, pointing upwards at a vast ring orbiting hot gasses. "Just listen to the song, if you like it-"



-Ihiko leapt to the ring in a single bound-



"-then you should've put a ring on it" she finished, grinning.





***





(Nisio Isin dreamed that a hurricane had sweapt over his desk, and awoke to find out this was basically true)



(The wind had opened the windows, and swept all his paper and inks aside. Grappling with the locks, Isin stared at his workplace with mounting despair. For it was 4:30 AM in the morning, and the stress of the deadline he had to meet in a week was accumulating in ways he didn't want it to.



(Two hours of frenzied penwork later, he realized he was literally going to collapse without food or at least caffeine. The journey passed like a blur, from the bus to the counter to sitting at a bleak little stool overlooking his neighbourhood. Abruptly, his phone started ringing. It was time to face the music-with a good alibi)



(His editor surprsied him. Instead of the next Monogatari installment, apparently he was contracted to contribute for an anthology. What kind of anthology? Old mangas. Well, what was he supposed to contribute again? Why, Medaka Box, that cult classic of his from way back, didn't he know he was supposed to write a mini-sequel? Well, could they possibly delay the deadline because he'd had a freak accident at work? Silly Isio, it was a month! Good luck with the writing!)



(Isin went home staring at his planner, his phone and finally his desktop notes. He was positive this wasn't what he was supposed to be working on, but somehow when he tried to find the Monogatari installment he'd had scheduled he couldn't find it listed in any of his journal-analogues. Feeling rather foolish, he tried calling up the company who'd apparently ordered the anthology. He talked to a very enthusiastic but airheaded young lady for a few minutes, hung up, redialed, and then was stuck with an automated message about how everyone else in the company was apparently on their day off)



(He blinked at nothing, wondering if he was quite awake. This couldn't be happening. Medaka Box? It had been ages since he'd thought about that pretentious fighting manga. Hadn't he wrapped everything up nicely at the end? What was left for Medaka after destroying the whole moon?)



(Well, he thought, he supposed people might like to see the return of Ajimu or Kumagawa. An easy bit of fanservice there. Or perhaps he'd give Hanten a semi-villainous role, he'd never gotten round to showing what he could do in the manga proper. Perhaps he should just subvert expectations and make it about Zenkichi's daily life)



(He wondered how many people actually remembered the series well enough to care what he wrote. Replacing the moon should probably be quite important in the plot)



(Something fell out of his pockets as he sat down in shock. It was a trading card, with a cute girl wearing a look of undignified surprised ogling at him. Isin gently lowered his head to the desk. However he looked at it, he had no idea what he was supposed to write)


(He stared at the card again. He wondered if anyone would notice If he traced designs for side characters)


***





Ihiko was seething. He had fought his way past spirits whose elements he didn't recognise, an endless army of tiny psychotic cyborg midgets, immortal demon dopplegangers and even a dread hybrid of man and truck. That last one had been the greatest foe by far, and had knocked him through the labyrinth to land in front of a strange green nymph.



The green nymph was effortlessly holding him in place with her mind. Every time he tried to attack, she just waved a shiny ring at him and he felt the will to fight leave him.



All the while, that infernal false voice (the girls had called it an "artificial intelligence" which while FRESH, Ihiko had found incomprehensible) kept blaring it's cheery "This facility is off-limits. Please leave at your earliest convenience" recorded message.



"Now that's more like it!" said Medaka, taking a fighting stance. "I knew Anon had it in him! You must be some kind of midboss! Well, you may have defeated my companions but as long as I, Medaka Kurokami, am still standing! We will never fail to meet the challenge!"



"Hey, who said anything about being defeated?" said Ajimu's voice from the oil lamp that had sealed her somehow. "I'm just really, really drunk. Like, so drunk I forgot which I still I can use to tell how so much booze could have been crammed into this magic lamp. Which I guess I'm stuck in? Oh well, I guess I'll have to drink my way out of this wall of booze..."



"Ajimu, this is no time for playing around! I need you to help me beat up the man I admire right now!"



"One second Medaka, I just found a whole library full of shounen manga! Oh nooooo, the seal is too strong! I'm stuuuuuuuck!" said Ajimu cheerfully, the lamp rolling around merrily.



Medaka sighed. "Well fine. Be that way. At least Ihiko's helping delay the midboss' certain kill move"



"Hnnnngrgrghgrgh!" said Ihiko, as the ring of power dominated his will once again until he had to lean on a wall.



"Um" said Gar, "please don't fight me? I'm not a midboss, and apparently you can navigate the primordial darkness without a spaceship or something, so I would probably die. I'm just a messenger for my owner"



Medaka choked on her retort. "Your WHAT?!" Ajimu giggled. In a moment of lucidity Ihiko decided that shit was FRESH!



"...right, I keep forgetting humans have this weird hangup about that stuff. Let's all pretend I said boss. Look the point is, Anon really doesn't want this fight. He also absolutely doesn't want you going any further into this labyrinth, and wants you to know there is absolutely no way through it using the ventilation ducts. That's all I came here to say"



Medaka thought about that. "That seems a little too obvious"



"Yeah, I told him so too. He does want you to turn back, he just doesn't expect you to"



"It is as you said. Then tell him, Ms. Not-a-midboss, that Medaka Kurokami has NEVER shied away from a challenge, but he should know such parlor tricks mean nothing to the pride of the Kurokami Group!"



"I can see why he likes you. He might not admit it, but he used to love adventuring as much as you". Gar smiled, wistfully remembering days long gone. "I should warn you: He's rigged the air vents with guillotines, fire walls and-oh, you're already going through them huh?"



"You got it!" shouted Medaka from one vent, as some broken sawblades and a small flamethrower fell out of another. "I know we've just met, but you seem to know Anon pretty well so if it's all the same to you could you tell me a little more about him?"



Gar shrugged. She seemed like a nice girl, and Anon was way too emotionally constipated for his own good. So she chatted about the early days as Medaka flexed through the walls, and Ajimu strolled along having broken through the lamp's "seal" after exhausting the manga she liked, and walked on the ceiling. Gar was careful to stay out of Ihiko's way as he blundered along hitting walls while trying to fight off the ring of power's influence.



"So" said Medaka, dropping down into a chamber full of pipes in front of the others, "Anshin'in told me he was a dimensional traveler. But you're saying he used to be human?"



"He used to, yeah" said Gar, nervously staring at the corners. "That’s not to excuse anything he did later. But for all he plays it cool these days, I'll never forget how bad leaving some strangers behind hurt him in that dread dimension"



"Right, right. So this Ravenloft, it hardened him..."



"That's putting it lightly. I never minded us being aimless adventurers and I'm with him to the end, but that's when he stopped being a hero and started being. Being". Gar struggled for words and gave up. "A really big jerk"


"That is when he started embracing his divinity, yes" said an imperious voice, descending from the heavens on wings of light. Of course to Ajimu's advanced sight, she could tell it was just a strangely mutated woman.

"That's when he started being a badass, yeah" said a thuggish woman dragging a spiked bat behind her. Staring nervously at her, Gar mentally relaxed her hold on Ihiko-who stared curiously at the sword of bone and muscle growing from her left arm.

"We're the midbosses, if you haven't figured that out" said Sacchin, from the relative safety of the ceiling. "You're gonna have a really bad time! Anon looked into the future, and made Skills that are super effective against-"

"-DAMMIT Sacchin, you weren't supposed to tell them we're Skill users!" shouted Karin, invisibly.

"...oops"

"Hey, cut homegirl some slack" said Glory, teleporting behind them. "This was always going to turn into a ballroom blitz. Let's just do this, shall we?"

"I quite agree. Don't you, Cereza darling?" "Oh Jeanne, if these ones live up to half their hype, they'll be the first true fight we've had in centuries!". And as the witches litearlly shot their guns from the hip, Medaka couldn't help but admire the sheer glee on their faces when she simply ran fast enough to tread on the bullets for a flying kick.

The fight was a study in contrasts. Ihiko was a barbaric wave of violence. slamming his sword like a club into the beastly woman's flesh even as it expanded and mutated to compensate for irreparably damaged portions, even while the angelic woman's song lulled him to sleep. Ajimu simply sprayed Glory and Sacchin with Skills their combined powers barely withstood, until Karin half-sealed her into the floor. And Medaka was simply a blur hounded by the two Umbra Witches.

"Warning. Emergency temporal shift imminent. All non-vital personnel should evict immediately" said the intercoms. The taste of ozone appeared, as lightning crackled around the fighters. There was a deep humming.

"That's our cue to GO GO GO while those monsters aren't looking!" shouted Glory, practically flinging Sacchin and Karin into a portal she vaulted through right after. Ajimu waved them away, cheerfully

"Warning. Shift cannot be reversed. Brace for era realignment rayshift"

"Try not to have too much fun" said Gar, as Mary lost another pound of flesh to Ihiko's slashes. The fight had gone poorly after Angela had been kicked through a wall and out into the void. Even losing much of his skin hadn't slowed the man down.

"Geh, I would advise following her example, beast" said Ihiko. "In the end you're just a monster, and I'll fight plenty of you when I'm finally born"

"Wow, rude. You know what, you want a piece of Anon that badly? Be my fuckin' guest, it's your funeral" said Mary as she turned into a puddle and slipped through a hole in the tower.

"Warning. Warning. Waaaaaaaaar"



"I might not know how you all met Anon" said Medaka as she weaved between bullets and admired how her opponents bent time with darkness to evade her own Skill deluges "but I know something for sure now. I know that he was once a good natured young man who must have been very misguided to cut himself off from the world so. Your loyalty is admirable, but now more than ever I want to reach out to him any way I can! And even if this isn't the best way, it's the way I know the most about, so don't feel discouraged at all when I say-I WILL WIN"



"OOF!" Bayonetta doubled over from a current of assorted reality warpings tearing through her magical defense, but she had no malice looking back up. "Dear heart, the pleasure's all mine! You're awfully talented, I must admit. Ah, but the presence of that man-if you're doing this out of sympathy for him, I fear you've already lost" "Save the speculations for sages and nerds. Anon asked to put on a show while he hit the eject button, we can withstand the power of time itself, and if we're going down all I care is our new friend give her all!" shouted Jeanne.



"Oh, so THAT'S what that does" said Ajimu thoughtfully. "You know Anon, it was nice of you to get Kumagawa-kun to reclaim his old Minus. But don't you think letting me hold on to All Fiction with my Hundred Gauntlets puts your fancy toys at risk?". She snapped her fingers, and a very important machine several floors below became nothing.



"Well, shit. I mean warning" said the intercoms. "You can stop pretending by the way" countered Ajimu. "We all know your true form is pure energy. Which means you're square circuit of this building, so you can give up on sending Medaka back to her proper time unless you want to get erased"



"And it would have worked, if it wasn't for your meddling reality warper powers!" complained the intercoms, right before Ihiko punched them.



"Anon. Anon, if you can hear me" said Medaka earnestly, looking all around the room. "I appreciate you're getting into the spirit of a proper battle royale~! But I WILL find you, you know"



"Out. Get out. Go home, just...leave" said Anon's voice, from everywhere and nowhere. "You have a home. You have a future, a community that looks up to you-and now a second chance. You've grown and learned, just this once it doesn't have to end in a fight. It shouldn't"



"No, it does. Co-Vice President Anon, I want to stand by your side. And that's an order"



"You don't know what you're asking"



"And I never will, unless I reach the real you"



"Stand with me, and you will ALWAYS be alone in the world"



"This one, maybe. So take me to one I won't be!"



"Oh for the love of-do you have any idea what I AM? What I've DONE?! Look, I ruined your life by trying to validate mine. I am telling you now, that if you fight me you'll lose even more of yourself. It's what I do. It's what I have to be"



"I don't believe for a second you meant to. I believe you wanted to help everyone just like me, but you lied to yourself somewhere along the way" said Medaka earnestly, tears falling down her cheeks but not from grief. "I didn't know there was another person who could live like me, have hopes and standards like me. Do you know how that feels? To know you aren't alone, to have unconditional support on the same level as your own? I won't forgive you for having me force this leap of faith, but I should have been clearer too. I didn't just see a mirror of my own Abnormality in you, I saw a reason to live. So you can say I'll lose myself as much as you like, but I say I never finished finding myself until you reached me"



"That's it" said Anon after a few seconds of silence. "Gar, activate the failsafe and-"



"Master" said Gar, heading for an escape pod. "With all due respect? We both know that girl isn't going to walk away from you without being towed away, and your towing equipment just broke. I'd slap some sense in you, but we both know you wouldn't listen so I'm just going to point out if that scary eldritch goddess is right about all reality being a narrative that we're literally going nowhere unless you fight someone"



For a moment, there was silence over the intercoms. "No. You know what? I don’t have to sta-I mean float here and take this. I transcend the narrative. I’m not going to sit here and tell you where our next arena is going to be, I’ll just make it so you never reach that arena. So be my guest! Stay as long as you like here at the primal void, we’ll see who gets bored and goes home first!”



"Wait a minute" said Ihiko, blinking. Suddenly there was no collateral damage. Nobody at all in the building, except for Gar who was blasting off into deep space. "where did all your midboss friends go?"



"What midboss friends?"



"THE ONES WE WERE JUST FIGHTING! THE ONES I USED MY IRREVERSIBLE DESTRUCTION UPON!"



"It's almost like" said Ajimu cheekily, "we just skipped ahead a few chapters and you couldn't keep up with this-"



"DO NOT SAY SHOW-NEN MAN-GA, WOMAN. It's a foolish hobby for milksops and waifs! Bah, it must have been an illusion!"



Medaka hadn't stop grinning, and she never stopped all the way until they reached the arena.





***





(Isin enjoyed tonkatsu. The savory broth of pork bones, a softboiled and seaweed together with the gentle patter of rain and the sussuration of people going to work on a day they'd rather stay in bed was practically nirvana. This was nice, just having a break at his favorite ramen restaurant without having to contemplate the story he was pulling out of his ass to meet deadlines with)



(Hoshio, the burly chef and storeowner, came over with his coffee. It was an oddly slow day as Isin seemed to be the only customer, but he was grateful to have a chance to bounce ideas off someone who could listen without damaging his credibility as a writer. Hoshio certainly wasn't any literary professional, but he was a good listener for the price of a meal)



("So hang on, do they get sent back in time before or after they go to space?")



("Before. Uh, probably. You know how these things are, if my editor wants a little more fanservice in we can handwave it by the time of the big fight")



("Which none of the other original characters are attending? Isn't that going to be underwhelming for the readers?")



("Ah, about that. The idea is that Medaka-chan is someone who'd chase the fantasic to the end or, haha, beginning of the world right? I'll open every chapter with the others going about their daily life, then-bam, we cut back to Medaka's team versus the new villain")



(Hoshio furrowed his brow. "Even Kumagawa? I thought you said he disappeared from the world, like the other Minuses")



("I'm not sure if Kumagawa will show up at all. I don't know, these clients, their demands are so specific it's nonsensical. It's like they really just wanted to read Medaka's space opera adventure not an actual sequel")



("Maybe that's just how the anthology's themed?". Hoshio sighed, aimlessly wiping at a mug. "Or maybe that's what young people buy these days. I don't know Isin, I think you're being pressured to fit into a certain formula")



("Yeah. Reckon I should scrap it, start over?")



("With the deadline you're on? Hell no, just play the hand you're dealt but. Just throw the serious readers a bone, else you could lose plenty of old fans. Seen it happen when I scrapped the old onion and thyme noodle recipe I thought nobody liked")



("Will do. Pleasure doing business as always, Hoshio" said Isin as he paid his bill. On his way out he couldn't help but notice the deluge of young salarymen scrambling for a table)



(That was another thing he absolutely wouldn't trust any confidante with. The feeling that things had been fitting together too well ever since he'd started writing the story. He'd come down with a run of bad luck, some freak accidents had happened around the house, a rabid dog had tackled him in the streets. Now, the days passed like water and whatever he put his mind to he kept writing the ridiculous story like a dervish. Even at night, he'd fall asleep at the keyboard and wake up to a pile of notes he swore weren't there yesterday. Was this what going mad felt like? Maybe it was just all the coffees he'd been having lately)



(He blinked. He was in front of his table again, which wasn't RIGHT because he could've sworn he just CROSSED A ROAD and home was a good FIFTEEN MINUTES from town by bus. And wasn't his rent due this month?)



(There was a buzzing from his telephone. Trembling hands picked it up, and his landlord was there, cheerfully apologising for miscalculating his fees and announcing that his second month had been paid in advance. Isin floundered for a while before realising he didn't want to be the first tenant to argue he owed his landlord MORE rent, and reluctantly gave in to the inevitable)



(There was also an email from his editor. Could he create, oh, 6 new side characters for a parodic mini-tournament arc?  Isin was about to muster a withering retort about how could he POSSIBLY cram that into an already bloated storyline for an anthology when he realized he had 6 unique character designs all done and waiting on his desk. His lips moved silently as he recalled their powers, personalities and absolutely nothing about when he came up with them. Then shrugging, he began writing the reply to tell it wouldn’t be a problem, might as well call it the White Wedding Arc as a callback eh?)


(He stared at his notes again. Who WAS the new villain supposed to be? An alternate universe version of Hanten? Ajimu's older brother?! The main arc had hinged on his mystery, and now the story was half-finished but his notes gave multiple answers. It was going to be a long night)



(He picked up a pen)



(Inspiration struck like lightning)



(The pen clattered to the floor)





***





Now imagine, dear readers, a simple disc of gold. Neither as grand nor as radiant as it's siblings, this is but a flat plain the approximate size of an Olympic stadium with no ornamentation upon it. At it's furthest rim stands a man in an apron staring at the burning glob of debris that could pass for a star. It's not one, of course. It's just a space station formerly capable of time travel succumbing to entropy after having some vital components being vanished.



Try as you might, he always faces you with the back of his head. You can't see him, his time isn't now. The apron that is his only garment bears the symbol of the Not-Equal, and however he is seen he seems always preoccupied with that burning space dumpster fire. An ever-distant buoy in the sea of night, folding his arms like he's been standing there for weeks on end. If this were a manga, the scene might be displayed over two entire pages just to drive home how lonely, desolate and most of all concealed this panorama is. Even our heroes' arrival has been foreseen, and the vigilant loner's stance has always had it's back to them as well.



"You know, it always bothered me about climatic battles in anime" says Anon, staring at the next panel incuriously. "It always comes down to a one on one, even against all logic. Even if the hero spent the whole series learning to count on his friends, or if the villain was the kind of man who couldn't win without an army"



"Ah, but then again" said Medaka, spreading her arms wide, "this sort of setup is the best for showcasing the hero and the villain's motivations you know? It might not be the most realistic, but isn't there something wonderful about the catharsis when people let go and open themselves up to each other?"



"When handled well. It all depends on the author I suppose, I just think it gets a lot of token overuse for cheap drama" Anon admits, glaring at a direction nobody else pays attention to. Dear reader. "If you haven't noticed, this is the last chance for you to walk away, Medaka Kurokami. I'm drawing one last line in the sand, as the eternal boundary between your shounen manga, and the cosmic horror story of my life. Your friends won't care, but it's not too late. Take it from me, you have no idea how precious a normal life is until you lose it forever"



"Well, you’re right about one thing-I really don’t have an idea about that. All I know is from the moment I met you, to be abnormal was my new normal-as long as I could be so with someone else" said Medaka. "If it takes sinking to your level of deception to prove I can stand with you, I'll do it. Isn't that right, Anshin'in?"



And as Ajimu leapt from Anon's shadow to deliver an axe kick to his chin just as Ihiko cut space itself with his sword, the plot finally started to advance.





***



(Yes. YES, thought Isin as he typed and scribbled furiously, of course! Love, comedy, tragedy-all of it could be executed and resolved seamlessly with alternate timelines! Was it a timeline where Medaka stuck with Kumagawa instead of meeting Zenkichi at the hospital? Was it a timeline where Professor Fukurou lived a little longer? Was it a timeline where the government sanctioned the Flask Plan? So many options! So little time! Now, how to explain why Ajimu could still fall in battle...)



(Papers rustled. The screen flickered. A story was being written)





***



[Atomic Number] atom cutting skill [Rapier Dystopia] vanishing weapon skill [Frog Blog] certain destruction with tremendous power skill [Ken-Go] win any contest of blades automatically skill [Riposete] parry the untouchable skill [Hue Match Point] Releasing the limiter skill [Non-Stop House] turbulent strike skill-



To say Anon was driven back was like saying people at Hurricane Katrina were damp. He was tossed across the arena like a leaf in the wind, bombarded on one corner by Ihiko's cleaving blows, flailing wildly into the crux of Ajimu's many skills mashing him into his own platform despite his best efforts to not die from them at once. Medaka herself had taken to the air to bombard him with her own grab bag of Skills-just enough to pummel without annihilating so the other two good get their licks in. It wasn't even a battle, it was like watching three rabid terriers hound a rat in a pit. And looking down on it all, Medaka couldn't help but wonder if Anon had overestimated himself a little.



"Okay, we're in trouble!" shouted Ajimu from below.



"...aren't you winning?"



"We ARE! He can't hit back!" called Ihiko.



"Look closer! He's dodging or parrying everything I'm throwing at him, and I'm throwing a lot right now!" hollered Ajimu. Below her, Anon flailed like an epileptic who coincidentally was doing everything right to dodge hundreds of superpowers and the sword blows of a man faster than most of them at the same time.



"That must be the coincidence reversal skill you told me about, it shouldn’t hold out forever right?"



"No! That's not how coincidence manipulation works, it must be something else!"



"HNNGgrrgggh!" said Anon, his reply muffled by Ihiko bopping his head into the ground.



"What was that, oh future husband of mine?" asked Medaka, as she created and threw impossibly compressed stars.



"I SAID: It was a good idea to open with your weakest fighter! If that sneak attack had worked, she might even have lasted a little longer!" shouted back Anon, as Ihiko inexplicably flipped over into Medaka's way leaving Anon advancing upon Ajimu.



"Weakest? WEAKEST? HAH, I haven't been called THAT in-ever, really!" cheered Ajimu, doing a front flip and rolling up her sleeve ([Break News] Dynamic entry skill). "But if you're going to get that cocky, I really do have to get serious now"



"Oh, okay then" said Anon. "I guess I should as well". And then suddenly, he was unharmed and unfazed, standing with his bank to the three foolish challengers who had been punching a crater into the arena.



"[Initialise History] Change history skill [Life Zero] Nullification skill [Lost Password] Revert all progress skill [Free Climbing] Thousandhold parameter scaling skill" shouted Ajimu.



"[Eyes of the World] Maintain the timeline skill [Counter Force] Nullification of nullification skill [Mind of God] Restore all progress skill [Miss Fortune] Inevitable sure fire skill" shouted Anon.



"[Ouroboros Connect] Calamity governing skill [Active Talk] Activity governing skill [Magical Life] Magic governing skill [Tired Play] Become the Devil skill" shouted Ajimu.



"[Wishcraft] Miracle governing skill [Halted Time] Inactivity governing skill [Cross to Bear] Control controlling skill [Special Delivery] Demon smiting skill" shouted Anon.



"[Spec Over] Become God skill [Zero Sum Real] Power over life and death skill [Start Play] Confusion of the cause and effect skill [Murder Mathematic] Win against stronger people skill [Exception Please] Create exception skill [I Can Cancel] Cancel an attack which has happened before skill" shouted Ajimu.



"[Angel Slayer] Murder God with sin skill [One, two, he's coming for you] Travel into dreams skill [Cross to Bear] Enforce order skill [Two Can Play At This Game] Outwit and dominate weaker people skill [The Noble Eightfold Path] Challenge the absolute skill [Get Real!] Enforce reality skill" shouted Anon.



Ajimu blinked. Something was wrong. Anon wasn't a fading memory, and she had the sneaking suspicion he was only becoming more powerful. "Okay, I give up. What's going on?"



"You're experiencing my Bibbity Boppity Boo System" explained Anon, as menacing Japanese characters vibrated in the air around him. "Due to circumstances beyond my control, I retroactively qualify to be a fairy godfather and can grant my own wishes"



"Wait, WHAT?" asked Ajimu. "Those aren't real, that can't possibly be-"



"-it's only natural to be terrified of my mighty fairy godfather power" said Anon breezily. "Especially when I combined it with my power of Observation granted by the Axiom through my role as an agent for the Counter Force!"



"You've got to be kidding me, fairy godfathers are just children's stories-"



"BUT THAT'S NOT ALL" interrupted Anon. "Normally such terrible and profane power would require incantations or a pure heart, but there is a third component to the system! My very status as a Mysterious Being from the shounen parody One Punch Man! Taken together, this system lets me spontaneously create Skills suited to my current predicament!"



"But you'd still need to be able to know in advance what I was going to use to counter me! That's impossible, unless you could calculate the very shape of the future...”


“That’s certainly one interpretation” said Anon carefully, “But what about another? Suppose I had a power that let me project myself into the past, and a unique gift-a proof of being a main character, if you will-that left me endlessly improve any and all Skills? Left to grow long would it take for such a system to rival you, a year? A decade? Or maybe that’s not it, what if my proof as a main character was to draw out strengths in a System that didn’t exist originally?”


“...hahaha wow, challenging you was a mistake wasn't it?" said Ajimu weakly.



"You know it" Anon struck a dramatic pose-while smoothly dodging Medaka's latest attack. " WELL DONE Ajimu and Medaka, the flawless coordination between two arsenals of Skills wouldn't fail to fell any mortal man!"



"HOWEVER!"



Suddenly Ajimu doubled over, as if being carried away by a tidal wave of Skills. Medaka tried to escape the wave of nonsensical semantic superpowers but a stray axiom manipulation Skill flung her out of the air and carried her away as well.



"My Style, Objective Objection, is completely suited for countering such a bold attack! Through expert use of the word 'however' and analysis of my opponents' attacks, I can proportionally increase my discrete advantages-which are already calibrated to hard counter yours!"



"But you can't revert MY SWORD!" roared Ihiko, bringing his blade down upon Anon. Who barely parried with a sword plucked out of nothing, and once again fell into retreat. "This isn't going to be like that time at Hakoniwa, I'm the real deal!" he roared, cleaving an entire panel in half while Anon inelegantly tumbled over the next page. "Everything you do is an attack, so I'll reflect it all!" A single blow of the sword shattered the platform, and reaching out Ihiko threw his opponent at the successive platforms underneath it.



Then with a ricocheting blueshift, an impact struck Anon and sent him hurtling through the depths of space. But the infamous Kurokami Impact was only a diversion; outpacing her own shadow Medaka duplicated herself into 8.4 million clones in a heartbeat, and launched 8.4 million more Kurokami Impacts at the prone Anon who even now was already dodging the lethal ripples of space-time Ihiko made just by swinging his sword. A space station, a crystal lake, a burning nebulae-Anon was bounced off and battered through his own creations which were cloven in twain or darkened forever in his passing. This time, THIS TIME it was obvious that he couldn't possibly recover from the cusp of defeat.



"Hey! HEY FRESH GUY, CAN YOU HEAR ME!?" shouted Ihiko as Anon and he crashlanded on what looked like a clockwork moon.



"YEAH! I HAVE A SKILL FOR THAT TOO!" replied Anon. Abruptly he reversed and flew without propulsion at Ihiko.



"THEN GET READY, BECAUSE THIS FIGHT IS OVER!". Ihiko grinned. He braced himself, angled his sword and-



-he blinked. Anon was already behind him, and there was something dangling from his fingers. Razor wire? Absurd, it was an assassin's weapon not one meant for-



-Ihiko doubled over, spitting blood. He was so stunned, he barely noticed as with a flick of the wrist his sword too went flying. There was no thought here, only berserk rage as he launched into a punch aimed straight for Anon's head-



-and shrieked when Anon not only caught it, but squeezed hard enough to grind bone.



"Well, I was hoping I wouldn't have to use that" said Anon, who seemed to be a lot more muscular and have wavier hair than Ihiko remembered. "You know, I didn't rest on my laurels after our first bout. Do you know what a Saint Graph is, or a Class Card? Well, the Shiranui's reversal techniques was already accurate enough to lay the foundation-the conceptual record, if you will-for the former that just needed to be filled with magical energy. After that, it was easy to create the latter"



"GNNNNNNNGH! Who cares about that stuff, but this force-it's like you found a way to steal my power!" wailed Ihiko, bracing himself only to be forced to his knees by the impossible pressure from a higher dimension.



"Well. Only sort of. Is anyone stronger than Ihiko Shishime? And I'm not talking about the power of a little girl or a nameless man playing pretend. This isn't even the completed Ihiko Shishime only Ajimu could recreate. No, I'm talking about the accumulated folklore and legendary feats for that hero accumulated over 5,000 years, recreated into a Grand Servant's container by another entity from a higher dimension"



And with a single knee to the chin Anon broke every bone in Ihiko's body. Then turning, he clotheslined the oncoming Medaka without breaking pace. Even with her recovery time, the single blow dropped her to one knee as she maintained a fierce stare with Anon. There was silence for a heartbeat.



"Stay down" said Anon finally. "I just used the Madara Uchiha Style, and it’s not the deadliest one in my arsenal "



"I can do this all day" said Medaka, getting up. "That's right, you're not the only one who's seen past that barrier! Ajimu had a skill-God Eye-for controlling the narrative. That's how I know that Style of yours, 'Is there anyone', defeats higher dimensional existences with social expectations"



"Oh. Oh, Medaka, why would you do that to yourself. There really isn't any going back for you". Still on guard, Anon looked absolutely crestfallen.



"That's right, Anon! So if you want to save me, you'll have no choice BUT to take me with you on that journey of yours! Which you never told ANYONE at school about!" added Medaka, sounding angry for the first time in the fight. "Not even caring if anyone might have been CONCERNED about you!" she cried, letting fly a bolt of Skill-stealing lightning.



"If I only had more time. If I only planned further. No, I need to reset the narrative right now" declared Anon in the margins. Who jumped as Medaka suddenly appeared as a spread in the ads section, leaning into him. "A MONTH. Only a MONTH of travelling back even further in time after you three got the jump on me, that's the problem! I thought I could get back in the fight right after burning out my psychoses and creative urges!"



"Don't even think about it! I'll drag you back down before you get the chance, that's a promise! And besides, you're clearly in pain from trying to suppress all of them. So why don't you forget the schemes for once, and just put it all on the line?"



"How?! How can this BE?! I transcend the narrative! I was supposed to end this conflict, not escalate you with it beyond all sense and logic!"



"We're the only two main characters in the whole narrative, anon. Right now, there's no narrative but that which we make". Then Medaka gently put her hands on Anon's shoulders, as if he would tip over at any moment. "Or rather, what I'm trying to say is...I forgive you"



Anon looked at the ground. For a moment, he let out a deeply held breath. Then he faced her again, and his eyes were supernovas. "THEN WITNESS. THE POWER. OF THE LEGENDARY SUPER SELF INSERT!" he cried, an aura of pure narrative wobbling the panels he straddled.



"Nice transformation!" Medaka's hair turned deep black and writhed like an octopus on crack. Her art became sharper, more well defined yet shadowy and with action lines all around her. "NOW WITNESS MY NARRATIVE GOD MODE!"





***





(Nisio Isin blinked. A piece of paper had just spontaneously ripped itself in half in front of him)



(Well, it had finally happened. He had lost his mind. Worst of all, he was THIS CLOSE to finishing the damn thing, the deadline was actually tomorrow, he just had to pick through the pieces and find out how-)





***





(-a silent splash landscape of a newly revived Ajimu and Medaka tag teaming Anon with a mix of Skills and martial arts moves, who appears to be swinging on his comic panel while wielding the chapter's title as an improvised weapon)





***





(-these events fitted into place, and which-)





***





(-an advertisement for Toyota, obscured by Ihiko who appears to have been thrown off-panel from several chapters ago. Ihiko appears to be carrying Anon's head)





***



(of the more outlandish ones he should include for the final story)



(Finally, he shrugged and gathered what he could to take to his editor. They had asked for the inconceivable, and they would get the incomprehensible in return. For a mind that had been overworked for weeks on end, it had a certain poetic justice. And what were they going to do anyway, criticise Medaka Box for being TOO nonsensical?)





***





And then, with the BANE?! Style being deployed the fight was over. Amidst the wreckage of a dozen space stations, Anon groaned in exhaustion as he stared into the black infinity of the primordial darkness. Medaka was clinging to him like a child with a favorite pillow. Ajimu was floating upside-down above them for funsies. Ihiko had somehow found an actual chair to sit on.



"So" said Medaka after a while, "where do we go from here?"



"...you know, I'm not sure" said Anon, rubbing his chin. "It's only just started to sink in just how long we'll be living here until my time's up and we'll all leave for another reality. Man, I don't even know how I'm going to deal with that, all this time I just thought I'd be straight out of here after I did my thing"



"Well you better think of something, because let me tell you" said Ajimu, waving her hands vaguely "It's going to be a boring couple of billion years"



"Um. Yeah, about that" said Anon, sheepishly pointing at a distant star. "I think Medaka and I must have used our Create A Universe Skills on each other at the time. Thought it was a bust since nothing happened, but that glowing thing showed up and it looks glowier than I remembered"



"Well duh! It's the Create A Universe Skill after all, it just kickstarts the creation process a whole lot earlier! Did you kids really think it was lame enough to create a universe in your general vicinity?" said Ajimu playfully.



"Gehehehe, watching a universe being created's fresh!" said Ihiko, wandering over the empty void. "But you know, I think I'm done with watching young people banter for a while. And fighting in general, this old man's just homesick. If it's not too much to ask, I don't suppose you have a time-space axis manipulating Skill? I could really go back to my old village right about now"



"I hear you, and I got you covered. See you in a few trillion years!" said Anon. And with a single fistbump, Ihiko vanished to get a second chance in his proper era.



"No but seriously" said Anon to Medaka, "aren't you worried about getting bored? Look what it did to Ajimu over here" Ajimu waved "are you absolutely sure you're fine with sticking around with only what we can make to pass the time?"



"Absolutely positive" said Medaka, nodding furiously.



"It's a long, long wait even by the standards of my journey"



"Great! I'd hate to think this was just a footnote!"



Anon sighed. "Then maybe I can learn a thing or two from your enthusiasm. Enjoy your spirit while it lasts. It’s only a matter of time before the hare-I mean, my destiny and nature subjugate you, now that you’re part of my narrative. I’m curious what will break first, your body or your spirit"



"Oh cheer up, Anon! It might be the bleak and omnipresent darkness before creation, but it's still our honeymoon!"



"Yep, OUR honeymoon" said Ajimu, as she sidled up behind Anon. "Hey, I'm going to follow you around too"



"...do I have a choice?"



"Nope"



"Fuck. Alright here comes the big bang, looks like this chapter of the story really is-”

>FIN