Thread 92: Stories 61-75

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>Celestia
"Applejack"
'Pommel'
~~~~

>...So run that by me again.

"And try ta' be sane with it this time."

'Okay, so a plot between Fleetfoot and Soarin' of the Wonderbolts ended up with me getting trampled by a stampede of wet changelings, a three way collision between a horde of robots said wet changelings and all my guards, some poorly said words ended with beams being charged, a bad push on my end ended with said beam being fired, said beam being fired into Chitania of everyone-which is simultaneously best case and worst case scenario now that I think about it- and the ensuring brawl mostly left the hallway wrecked, Centitrain unconscious and a whole lotta other problems and one not so problem, THEN we go outside and the city is being besieged by Coltsly's robots who have been taken over by Shining Armor's figurines who have been enchanted by Sombra to tell a story to Two, and then we had to team up with the changelings to fight them off.... and then you came out.'

>...

"..."

>...

"..."

>...

'Uh-'

>"WE WERE ONLY GONE FOR A FEW FUCKING HOURRRSSSSSSSSSS!"

'Yeah, it's been one of those days.'

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>Luna
"Twilight"
~~~~~

>Have assurances, we are on the case!

"Luna."

>We shall seek them with the upmost speed, and wisdom!

"Luna."

>We shall leave no stone unturned, nor any river left unforded!

"And then you're going to arrest them."

>...Hmmhmm!

"LUNA!"

>AWAY! INTO THE NIGHT FOR WHICH WE ARE KNOWN!

"LUNAAAAAAAAA!"

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>SA
"Velvet"
~~~

>Sorry for the hassle, mom...

"TIED ME UP, SHINY! THEY TIED ME UP AND USED ROBOTS!"

>I know, and he's really sorry about it.

"TIED ME UP AND STABBED ME WITH STICKS!"

>It was just a poke...

"DON"T YOU TALK BACK TO YOUR MOTHER LIKE THAT!"

>Sorry, mom... so do you want me to just keep Two with me next time-

SMACK!

>...

"...Don't you DARE keep my grandbaby from me!"

>...

"...The smoke monster has to stay home next time."

>Fair enough.

"...You have fun on your little trip?"

>Cadence put me in a harem dancer outfit and then later Forty Two had to kiss her back into consciousness.

"..."

>...

"...Damn, I have wildly underestimated my daughter in law, and owe her an apology."

>...

"...and maybe a bro-hoof..."

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 >Crystal Guard
"CG2"
~~~~~

>...Think we missed anything?

"Son, we have been watching those two fumble around into literally every single room in this castle all day when we could very easily point them to the right room they wanted to go to. There is nothing, I repeat, NOTHING on that other side that could be anywhere near this interesting."

>...ehhh... point.

"Now let's hope they stumble into Sombra's room."

>Oh fuck, that would be classic.

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>Chrysalis
"Changelings"
~~~

>What the fuck were you all thinking!?

"We're sorry, My Queen..."

>Are you fucking stupid!? Are you insane!? Who the fuck decides to shoot lasers when you're in a fucking ball of a mob!? You would have shot each other!

"We're sorry, Majesty..."

>Oh, and then, and theeeenn, after shooting fucking Chitania, FUCKING CHITANIA, instead of doing the smart thing and hauling ass like you're a cart full of donkeys going down a mountainside, you stuck around and tried to fight her!? You tried to fight the strongest Queen, physically at least, to have ever lived!? You tried to fight CHITANIA!?

"We shouldn't have, your Highness..."

>And then, just to take one final mile long crap on the top of this fucksundae, you all decide afterwards to go outside and join the assholes who almost shot you in fighting robots!? YOU JOINED UP WITH THEM!?

"...meep..."

>All of you, every goddamn single fucking one of you are to be detained in this ballroom until I can stop being so utterly fucking pissed off long enough to think straight and think of an actual fucking punishment for every one of you moronic assholes who decided to all go off and chase a single asshole who got you a little wet and then decided that fist fighting the fucking TITAN was a smart thing to do! STAY THE FUCK HERE!

*SLAM!*

"..."

"..."

"....Wow, we are so grounded."

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>Dash
"AJ"
~~~~~~

>...So... run that by me again.

"Ya' signed off on a friggen trainin' exercise IN THE BUCKIN' CASTLE!"

>...I did?

"Ya' did!"

>You sure? That doesn't sound very safe.

"Ya' did it!"

>...You suuuure?

"Here's yer' dang signature!"

>Oh, but like... it's attached to other stuff, right? Got slipped in? Tricked! I've been tricked, clearly!

"NO!"

>...It's just, like... that?

"Yes!"

>Why?

"Cause they were tryin' ta' get ya' fired!"

>...

"..."

>They're fucked.

With a ZOOM, Dash tore off, faster than the single blink of Applejack's eye.

Said mares own nose let out a telling CRUNCH as her own hoof crashed into her face, and yet that seemed like the least painful thing happening to her right then.

"...This is what Ah' get fer' havin' fun."

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>Pommel
"Peacetrotter"
'???'

>Good work out there...

"I am unit 14, colloquially known as Clankette."

>Huh, really?

"Recruit Millstone has non-verbally agreed to paint a 'Cutie Mark' on me at a later date."

>Huh...but you are the one I told to keep track of who we gave the lightning juice to, right?

"Correct. As of this moment 3 Guards and 1 Irregular are in possession of charges of the Infusion."

>...irregular?

"An irregular is a pony that is not officially a guard but is working along-"

>No no I know that but who-?

'I AM TH' GODDESS OF TH' STORM! KNEEL BEFORE ME YA GOBSHITES!'

>...oh shit.

"I am detecting your stress levels are rising, captain."

>No kidding.

"I also detect an increased flow of blood to your-"

>OH LOOK AT THE TIME! IT'S STOP MY MAREFRIEND O'CLOCK! HAVE FUN WITH THE CUTIE MARK!

"...this unit does not understand."

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>42
"18"
'Cadence'
~~~~~

>Hrmph, should've known that this place would have a brawl the instant I was gone. Typical.

"Oh yeah, you could totally have taken Chitania on if you were there, just straight up punched her into submission! That'll work!"

'Eighteen, don't be mean. She would've done fine.'

"Done what, exactly?"

'...Stuff.'

>You don't know. I've been training.

"Training to do what?"

>...stuff...

"Just... just be thankful you weren't there, you would've gotten smashed in."

'She would not! She's good at this!'

>...thanks...

"Forty Two, I say this only as your friend who does not want you to get crushed, please don't try to fight Chitania. She's not just powerful, she's a master in physical combat earned through possibly hundreds of years of facing some of the most powerful and skilled beasts, and yet never being discovered because nobody ever survived to talk about it."

>...You don't know, I've got... stuff...

"Don't."

'...I don't want you to get beat up either...'

>Hrmph. Very well.

With a shrug, the seemingly unbothered shrug, she waked off. Lock-step and professional.

'Forty Two! I didn't mean that... ohhh, shoot. Now we made her feel bad.'

"She'll be fine."

'She just looked really upset, and she always sticks up for me...'

"She'll be fine, I say. She knows her limits, and Chitania's not inside of them."

'It's just, I hate hurting her feelings like that, she always feels really useful for being able to fight, so...'

"We'll get her some ice cream or something."

'She only likes rocky road when she's feeling happy, not blue.'

"Then fine, let her kiss Shiny, that'll cheer her up."

'EIGHTEEN!'

"Hey, only fair. She kissed you."

'That was to break a spell!'

"And this is the spell of 'feeling blue'."

'That's not the same!'

"Uhhh huh... what was up with that lightshow anyway?"

'What?'

"The lightshow, the whole... FWOOM thing coming out of the top of her head when she kissed you. Was that the spell?"

'What do you mean? It's the same thing that came out of you when Shiny kissed you.'

"...You saw that?"

'Yeah?'

"Oh, um... and it's..."

'...'

"Nevermind... but, wait, that was because I couldn't contain my love right there. It just flowed out of me because I couldn't control it."

'Oh... then it's the spell thing? I felt a spell break, and Poindexter would want it to be all big and shiny if Shiny did it.'

"Yeah, that makes sense, and of course it went out of her horn because Shining's a unicorn... whelp! Off to go save Dash from horrible litigation!"

'Should you be doing that for her? That sounds... legal.'

"I do it for you all the time."

'Oh, fair enough. Bye.'

"See you tonight! Save some love for me!"

With a slightly unsettling kiss blown from her hoof, Eighteen was off.

'Well, that was weird.... how do I even save love for her? Especially when they couldn't control... wait a minute... wasn't... wasn't Forty Two a warrior? Doesn't that mean that she didn't have any magical capability in game? Why would it send it out her horn in the game?... Oh, right, it wouldn't it would've just sent it out her hooves, like the rest of her powerups! That makes sense, okay.............................wait.....................................................................................................................................................................wait.............................................................wait...............................................................................'

...

'WAIT A MINUTE!'

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 >Pinkie
"Fluttershy"
~~~

>OH MY GOSH!

"What!?"

>We didn't cause the biggest toy related disaster anymore! YAY!

"..."

>...Too soon?

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 >Celestia
"AJ"
~~~~

>...

"..."

>...

"..."

>...

"..."

>..Yep....

"...yeeep..."

>....mmmhmmm....

"...uhhh huhhh..."

>...

"..."

>...So, I had fun.

"..."

>...Well I did.

"Good fer' you."

>...c-can I have a little cry?

"Sure."

>I'm gonna... I'm gonna go find my bubblehorse real quick.

"Fer' the cryin'?"

>Crying... asking him to slowly suffocate me... whichever.

"...wha-"

>HE OWES ME THIS ONE!

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Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"DT"
'Shadow DT'
~~~~
>Welcome to Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content doesn't matter and it gets dark!

Shadow DT crosses her hooves and a metal backpack appears on her back.
Spider-like legs extend from it and lifts her off the ground.
'Let's play'
A flashbang gets tossed at her face.
*BANG*
'ARGH!'

TBDRLIATU transforms into a Gatling shotgun. DT slides underneath the shadow and takes aim.
The shadow changes into her mom smiling.
'Be greater than just a head. Be the Diamond Tiara that goes on top of it.'
She drops with a rope around her neck and changes into a DT doll when it goes taught. DT pauses in horror.
'Heh'
The doll drops and explodes, flinging DT across the ground.

"Ugh"

>That's dirty!

'I'm just showing her the path to self-destruction.'
DT dolls hang from ropes in a line on either side of her. DT is visually distressed.

>I'm coming!

"No! I...I can do it!"

>This isn't the place to be stubborn!

"I said-"
*BOOM*
Shadow DT smirks while one of the legs has a smoking barrel pointed at DT.
'Eyes on me.'
The backpack rocket boosts.
'Let's finish this.'
She flies up into the air over DT and drops with the spider legs pointing down.
"Not yet!"
*PEW PEW PEW PEW PEW*
TBDRLIATU fires multiple rockets at the shadow and rolls out of the way before she lands.
*CRASH*
In the smoke is DT's mom bleeding.
'...why?'
Tears start rolling down DT's cheeks.
"STOP! Just please stop. It hurts.
The tears increase.
"IT HURTS!"
The shadow turns back into DT, detaches a pistol from TBRLIATU and puts it in DT's hooves pointing it at her own head.
'You don't have to be awful.'
*BANG*
She fades away leaving DT sobbing.
Pinkie hugs her.
>Shhhhhhh.....hang in there.

"...really? Did...did you seriously go there? Ha ha haHAHAHA you're fucking terrible! Why can't I stop laughing? Hahaha."

>Sometimes it's good to just laugh it out.

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>56
“Changelings”
‘???’
~~~~

>…You guys know what? As I stroll on by, I can’t help but hear all the yellin’ and screamin’ and stuff and, really, all I gotta say is… oooooooooo you guys are in trouuuuuubllllle!

“THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!”

“LEAVE!”

“ASS MONKEY!”

“HE’S A BUG NOT A MONKEY!”

“FINE WHATEVER YOU ASS BUG!”

“BETTER!”

“STUPID ROGUE BUG!”

“YEAH GO PLAY AN RPG OR SOMETHING!”

“PICK THE THIEF CLASS AND MAX OUT YOUR SPEED!”

“IF POCKPOCKETING IS AN ABILITY GET THAT FOR SURE!”

“YEAH AND-”

‘WHO THE FUCK IS YELLING BACK THERE?!’

>…

“…”

>…sooo what about attack? Any points to attack?

“LEAVE DAMN IT!”

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Anonymous Sun 23 Aug 2015 12:30:58 No.24418832 Report
Quoted By: >>24418942
>Chrysalis
"Celestia"
~~

>...Soooo, your guys almost shot my guys.

"Soooo, your guys helped save the city from a pseudo robot invasion and also helped out with Chitania."

>I'm angry.

"I'm rather happy."

>I wish to punch your captain.

"I want to give him a hoof shake for actually managing to pull that off."

>I want to lock the ballroom door with a giant deadbolt.

"I want to tell them to go out and play, they've earned it."

>...I feel like we're not seeing eye to eye on this matter.

"Yeah, noticing a disconnect."

>...I want to set up an anti-air gun to shoot down any wonderbolt that tries to come at the ballroom.

"Oh thank goodness... something we can agree on."

>...

"Dick move, is all I was saying."

>...agreed...

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>Chrysalis
"Celestia"
'Pommel'

'Ah boy, I really didn't want to call in the contractors again, but just look at this mess...'

>YOU!

"POMMEL!"

'WHO'SZA-YES CELESTIA MA'AM-'

[PUNCH!]

>THEAT'S FOR NEARLY SHOOTING MY ENTIRE HIVE! THEY DIDN'T DO NOTHING ASSHOLE!

'Ow...ow..owwwwww, why the faaaaace?'

"Pomell, good work on keeping things...well, relatively under control, you are a good captain, no matter what they say"

[Shake]

'Uhh, uhhh, thank you?'

STOMP STOMP STOMP

>ALWAYS BACK TO SQUARE ONE WITH YOU ASSHOLES!

"Don't mind her, you did well, you saved Canterlot, and without any of our help to boot"

'Oh, well, the whole "possessed toys" situation gave us some ground to work on'

"And you worked together with the Changelings, just don't try to brag about it to her and Applejack, even though you may want to"

'Ok.... ok... it's just-'

"Had a long day? Hmm, me too, but don't worry, it'll allll pass. Goodbye my dear Captain"

'Yes ma'am, see you... wait, what's-'

[Gone}

'...Huh, was gonna ask what was with those weights and rope... was that a... pool floatie too?, Eh, just...leave 'em to it Pommy, don't think... too hard about them...'

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 >DT
"Silver Spoon"
~~~~~~

>Soooo...

"Fine, told me-"

>Told you so.

"..."

>That's what you were going to say, and yes, I did in fact tell you so. I told you so much it's so.

"...yes, fine. You told me so. That theme park in Manehatten was fun."

>Told. You. So. They have the BEST theme parks post Hearth's Warming here, there or anywhere!

"It was pretty good."

>Uh huuuuh.

"And we totally didn't go there because you were mad Spike and Forty Two went to their game but didn't invite you, Seventy Seven went off to go see his marefriend, and PJ is off on some mission to find some guy."

>...Those are totally unrelated.

"Totally."

>One hundred percent.

"Uh huh."

>And Puhleeeease, we both know that we were the ones who had all the fun today.

"It was fun, I'll give you that."

>Really what could possibly....

"..."

>...

"...That is a lot of destroyed stuff..."

>...

"...and wrecked robots..."

>....

"...and-"

>WHAT THE FUCK DID WE MISS!?

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