3300 Exam 1 Topics 1-4

Topic 1  --The Nature Of Interpersonal Communications

Everyone communicates. People we like communicate, and so do those we don't like. The young and the old, males and females, and people from different nations and ethnic origins--we all  find  ways to communicate. Because we begin communicating from the time we are born and continue to communicate until we die, it seems logical that we would naturally become experts over time. Hardly.

Humans are complex beings and interpersonal communication is a complex set of processes and behaviors. Volumes of research have produced a variety of definitions, insights and guidelines. Every day new ideas and findings challenge, confirm or add to our  existing body of knowledge. This course is designed to provide students a  fundamental understanding of the current wisdom in  the field and a collection of vital communication skills.

One's ability to communicate significantly influences the course of his  or her life in many ways. Human beings have a strong need to communicate, whether it is to influence others; to connect with them; to share information, ideas and feelings; or to accomplish personal goals. Success in  these efforts depends on effective communication. In some situations, a person's ability to communicate may even mean the difference between life and death. Accurate communication in emergency calls to 911, among health care providers, and in reports of child abuse are examples of such occasions.

We  know  that communication and satisfying relationships are directly related to personal well being and finding meaning in life. People who communicate effectively and have satisfying relationships live better lives than others. They are physically and mentally more able to cope with life.

Research findings reveal that people who lack satisfying relationships and who communicate poorly have two to three times greater risk of an early death, regardless of whether they smoked cigarettes, drank alcoholic beverages, or exercised regularly. There is also evidence to suggest that those who are socially isolated from others are at greater risk for  mental health and physical illnesses. For instance, terminal cancer strikes  them more often  than those with close personal relationships. Socially isolated individuals have more heart attacks  and, surprisingly, they are four times more likely to catch a common cold than those with active social networks.

Communication involves complex  thinking, feelings and behaviors. We  can gain a better understanding of interpersonal communication by taking a closer look at the nature of people   and human behavior.

Human Behavior

Have you ever asked yourself questions like these: "Why did I do that?" "What's up with him?" "Where's she coming from?" Of  course, you may have used some more colorful variations of these common questions, especially when things are not going well. Human behavior is both  fascinating and confounding. Not only is it a popular topic of conversation, it's also the subject of serious academic study and research.

Psychologists and behavioral scientists have been studying the behaviors and actions of human beings for  a long time, observing and recording how their subjects relate to one another and to their environment. They look for  patterns  to help them understand and predict behavior, using scientific methods to test their ideas and hypotheses. Through such studies, researchers provide information that can help people fulfill their potential as  human beings and increase understanding among individuals, groups, nations and cultures.

Psychologists have learned much about how personality develops and how to promote healthy development. Their work has given us insights into how people learn, how people change unproductive habits, and what conditions help workers be more productive. Yet a great deal remains to be discovered. As  in most fields of study, it seems that the more we understand, the more we discover that we don't understand. Even as  more questions arise, the study of human behavior continues to help us learn about how we can function more effectively and more comfortably as individuals, friends, family members, workers  and community members.

Principles for  Understanding Human Behavior

Many books and research papers have been written about human behavior  and there are a number of  theories that attempt to explain our actions. We  have selected a  few principles, concepts and ideas that offer a rationale for  understanding human behavior and provide a  foundation for  our study of interpersonal communication.

Principle 1: We  all have basic needs.

In order for  us  to have a sense of well-being and to experience some degree of success, there are several basic needs that must be met. When these needs are not satisfied, we don't function well. When they are satisfied, our  productivity, personal development, relationships with others, and general well-being are enhanced.

The most obvious human needs, of course, are those related to physical survival: food, water, shelter, sleep and elimination. These are necessary in daily living and we often take them for granted. In addition, human behavior is significantly influenced by the basic biological drive or need that is expressed in our  sexuality.

To  these survival needs, we add four needs that have been identified as  essential for  optimal human fulfillment. Sometimes we may not acknowledge these personal and interpersonal needs. We  may even act in contradiction to them. This can occur when we fail to keep "the big picture" in view and our  behavior is driven by short-term or less important motives. We  need to be aware of these needs and the ways they influence how we experience our  lives and ourselves.
The need to be loved and accepted. Each of us  wants to be accepted as  we are. While we are similar to others in many ways, still we see ourselves as  unique and we want this uniqueness to be appreciated by others. It’s frustrating and disappointing when the message communicated to us  is that we are accepted only when we please others or fit into a certain mold. There is a warm feeling and one of strength when we experience unconditional love.

The need for  security. We  learn and function best in situations where we feel safe and relatively free from threat. In contrast, think of those situations, such as a class or work setting, when people are afraid that what they say will  be ridiculed or that only mistake-free work will  be tolerated. For fear of making a mistake, some people will  eventually develop a shell around themselves that very few are allowed to get past. Such  a shell provides protection that gives them a sense of comfort and safety, but the cost is living a limited existence that prevents  them from reaching out. Poor communication and insecurity block others from reaching in, and restricts our  opportunities to enjoy new experiences.

The need to belong. In each of us, there is a need to belong to some kind of group. Being part of a group adds to our sense of identity and to our connectedness with the world outside us. Belonging to a group, whether by formal or informal association, helps us to feel accepted and  often provides a kind of support that helps reduce anxiety.

The need to be independent. One  of our needs is to feel in control of our lives. The  emotional power of being able to be yourself rather than a puppet on a string is deeply compelling. Taking charge of yourself and your life is both empowering and challenging. When you take responsibility for  making your own choices, you also take responsibility for  their consequences. When our need for independence is thwarted, we often react negatively and can become defensive, devious, manipulative, or even self-abusive.

Principle 2: Everything we do is directed  toward some goal.

Survival plays a central role in all learning and behavior. In essence, we spend most of our lives trying to maximize our pleasure  and minimize our pain. We want to maintain and enhance our personal survival. We  not only behave to protect our physical survival, but we also make decisions and act to preserve  the psychological self or identity.

Sometimes the way we define ourselves psychologically may actually put us at odds with our physical safety. This occurs when a psychological reward  that helps maintain one's psychological identity outweighs the associated physical consequences. An  example of this would be someone whose psychological identity centers on accomplishing certain high-risk feats such as  climbing Mt. Everest or engaging in high-risk behaviors such as  sexual promiscuity.

Principle 3: Self-concept influences all our behavior.

Each of us has some kind of self-picture, and no other person will  ever come to know us as  we know ourselves. It is through the filter of the self-concept that we perceive the world. And we feel, think and act based on our perceptions. Your  self-concept can be composed of many parts:

I am, which refers  to your general nature

I can, referring to your abilities

I should or should not, which reflects your values and beliefs

I want, reflecting your aspirations and desires

Generally speaking, when you act in ways that are not your usual custom or are perhaps contrary to the way you want to see yourself, these experiences are unpleasant. With such experiences repeated over time, you may begin to feel defensive, inadequate, insecure and even worthless.

Our  self-pictures include more than what we like about ourselves. Consciously or unconsciously, we have parts of ourselves that we don't necessarily like. Yet we continue to "own" these aspects and behave in ways to maintain them. We  grow accustomed to them being part of who we are. As individuals internally evaluate the various parts of how they see themselves, they construct an overall assessment of themselves called self-esteem.

Principle 4: Self-concept is learned and can change.

Once the self-concept becomes consistent, it is difficult to change because change brings threat, anxiety and fear of self-sacrifice. Yet, people can and do change, although the change can be slow and challenging. One  of the ways we can change is by "unlearning" a notion that was once true or that served a psychological purpose.

For example, children of alcoholic parents often grow up believing that they must be secretive, initially to hide this "ugly" family secret. In  their own adult lives, they no longer need this part of their identity and may feel painfully constricted by it. Imagine how wonderful it can feel to free yourself from such an ill-fitting aspect of your self-concept. It is like getting rid of your only pair of shoes, ones that pinch and blister your feet, and knowing that you will  never have to wear them again.

Principle 5: Self-concept is influenced by the consequences of one's actions.

Rewards and punishments play a role in determining how consistently we behave and how we learn. People do things that reward them and enhance their self-images. For example, if being someone who talks tough and isn't afraid to fight is part of a person's self-image, then those actions will  be part of that person's behavior pattern as  well. If being well liked and highly regarded is important to someone's self-concept, that person's behavior will  be directed  toward enhancing that image.

The consequences of individuals' behaviors, from past experiences as  well as  immediate ones, are powerful influences on the development of their self-concepts. If the consequences are rewarding or satisfying, then it is likely that those behaviors will  occur again and perhaps form a pattern or become a habit. Conversely, if a behavior is recognized as  ineffective or plays no part in meeting basic needs or enhancing survival as  defined by an individual, then that behavior is likely to be disregarded and not developed as  part of that person's self-image.

It's important here to clarify what rewarding or satisfying means. When discussing self-concept the issue is whether or not the consequences of a behavior or experience reinforce the person's established self-image. For that reason, even unpleasant or negative experiences can reinforce a person's  self-concept  and maintain even risky or self-destructive behaviors.

The portrayal of serial killer Aileen Wuornos in  the movie "Monster" offers a glimpse of how a person's experiences, behaviors and self-image interact  and influence each other. Her past experiences influenced her in developing an image of herself as  someone who wasn't of much value to others, couldn't trust others and had to take care of herself, an image that relied on coarseness and a  tough exterior.

Her  self-image was reinforced when her behaviors helped her to survive by intimidating others or discouraging them from interacting with her. When she tried to change her behaviors and "clean up her act," her efforts were unrealistic and inadequate. The forces of her past experiences and means of psychological survival overpowered  these efforts. She  quickly regressed and resumed her old behavior patterns, with deadly consequences for  others and for  herself.

Principle 6: We  are always learning and changing.

Learning isn't limited to traditional classrooms, and it's much more than gathering information and memorizing facts. Learning is going on most of the time in your life, whether you're reading, talking, listening, interacting, or contemplating. Learning is the very act of living and surviving, a process that takes a lifetime.

Similarly, change is a  fact of life. Even though you can see some very consistent patterns about your personality- and even though certain personality characteristics are formed before ten years of age - you are always in a process of change. While the changes outside yourself may be evident and easy to mark with the passing of time, your internal changes may be subtler, more incremental. The experiences of learning and changing interact  and seem to merge at times, each affecting the other.

This is not to say that discovering and confronting aspects of ourselves that we need or would like to change is easy or painless. Typically, a person wants to change and, at the same time, resists change.

It takes courage for  us to look at our faults and challenge ourselves to change. Then, it takes determination and perseverance to substantially change our behavioral patterns.

Principle 7:Increased self-awareness leads to responsible decision-making.

While we may not be able to control some of the external conditions of our lives, we  do have the ability to control the way we think about them and the choices and decisions we make. Through increased self-awareness we can learn to confront our issues and resolve our problems at a more conscious level. As  self-awareness increases, we have more understanding of the factors that influence us when we make decisions. Thus, we can become more comfortable with the responsibility of making decisions and solving problems for  ourselves. Individuals with limited self-awareness, in their reluctance to take a stand or to accept the consequences of their choices and  actions, often turn to avoidance behaviors such as  lying, making alibis and blaming others.

Principle 8: We  learn from each other.

Certainly there are many ways to learn and personal discovery is among them. However, most of our learning comes through interacting and communicating with others, whether through direct or indirect contact with their ideas and information. People help us form relationships that are important in our daily lives. They provide us with rewards and punishments, and they serve as models that we can incorporate or reject. In the same way that our collective knowledge grows with the contributions of many individuals, opening ourselves to others enhances our personal learning. Interpersonal communication skills open the door to this process of learning about others, our world and ourselves.

Human Communication

Professor  Osmo Wiio is a Finnish researcher of human communications and author of numerous books, articles and programs about technology, the future, society and politics. He formulated Wiio's Laws of Communication (http://www.cs.tut.fi/-jkorpela/wiio.html). While also entertaining, Wiio's laws are insightful observations about human communication, and they remind us to beware the illusion that communication is natural and easy. Some of his laws are:
Communication fails, except by accident.
If a message can be interpreted in several ways, it will be interpreted in a manner that maximizes damages.

There is always someone who knows better than you what you meant.
In mass communication, the important  thing is not how things are but how they seem to be.
These tongue-in-cheek axioms are much like Murphy's Laws (e.g., "Whatever can go wrong will go wrong.") They are not real principles but there's just enough truth in them to catch our attention.
This course is designed to increase your odds that communication won't  fail,  that what you say will have a  positive impact, and that you will be able to avoid the communication pitfalls that gave birth to Wiio's and other pundits' laws.

There is no common agreement  on how to define communication. One  researcher, in  fact, discovered over 125 published definitions. Despite this overabundance of definitions, there are a number of commonly accepted and useful notions about communication to consider.
Communication takes place between and among people, animals and machines. Observing the communication patterns of animals can be a life's work or an amusing pastime. Some people  even find careers and amusement interacting with machines. Interesting as  all  that may be, the constraints of time and space will  keep this course focused squarely on human-to-human communication.

Human communication comprises all  the processes that people use in making sense of the world and sharing our ideas and feelings with others. We learn about the world through our senses. For example, we share our views and are exposed to others' viewpoints through speeches, songs, media broadcasts, email, letters, books, articles, poems, art, theater, advertising, conversations, and observations. The opportunities are virtually boundless.

Human communication may be described as  either impersonal or interpersonal. The work of Martin Buber (http://www.buber.de/en/) can give us  a deeper understanding of human relationships and the depth of communication.

Buber viewed human existence in  terms of t1ree fundamental kinds of relationships: l-It, I-You, and I-Thou. Relationships influence the way we talk  with and experience other people, which in  turn influence our relationships.

Impersonal communication occurs when we when we respond  to people's social roles rather  than who they are as  unique persons. The conversations are superficial and impersonal.
I-It relationships are the normal everyday ones that most of us have with the things and people that surround us. Yes, we can view another person as  an "lt." In  fact, we do this much of the time. We view others from a distance, like a  thing or a part of the setting. Any communication at this level is casual and impersonal, more related to common societal roles than individuality.
This is the way we typically interact with salespeople, servers in restaurants, clerical staff and others with whom we do not have a personal relationship. Sometimes, students on large college campuses may feel as  if they are treated as  objects or "its" rather than as  persons. Most of our relationships begin at the l-It  level and develop from there.

Interpersonal Communication is a distinctive form of human communication, occurring when individuals interact  and mutually affect each other. Buber's I-You and I-Thou relationships represent  two levels of interpersonal relationships and communication patterns.
I-You Relationships account for most of our  interpersonal interactions. While they are still limited in scope, we tend to interact with one another in  terms of specific social roles rather  than objects. It is not impersonal, but it is a low level of personal involvement. This is how we communicate in most of our social settings.

For example, students, classmates and teachers often talk  with one another. They occasionally talk personally, but as  a general rule they stay within their social roles and keep their private selves hidden. We  typically use 1-You communication with casual friends, work and school associates and distant relatives. The environment and unspoken rules that are related to certain stereotypical roles continue to affect communication.

I-Thou Relationships are radically different. According to Buber, the highest level of communication occurs in 1-Thou relationships. When communicating at  this level, people move beyond social roles and into the individual uniqueness of each person involved. People experience one another in  true dialogue. In I-Thou relationships, we are able to trust and disclose more private aspects of our selves. This level of communication is most likely to occur in close relationships that developed over  time. You are likely to find 1-Thou communication patterns between lovers, parents and children, siblings, and in marriages and very close friendships.

Buber made it clear that our  relationships flow and ebb. That is, our  interactions can move our relationships from any one level to another, from l-It  to I-You, from I-You  to I-Thou, and back again. Buber contends, in  fact, that our  relationships inevitably withdraw to the separation of l-It. Yet, with on-going efforts  to communicate authentically, we can repeatedly reconnect, thus making it possible to draw ever closer to one another.

There are some people who have great difficulty developing and maintaining I-Thou relationships. They find these relationships too intimate and too personal for  them and their defense systems get in  the way. This is unfortunate because they miss out on experiences that could add depth and richness to their lives.

Our day-to-day lives include interactions  at impersonal and interpersonal levels. The terms, concepts and skills presented in  this course are applicable to communication at all levels of interaction. Therefore, from now on, for  simplicity, the term "interpersonal communication" will  be used inclusively to apply to all communication between people, individually and in groups.

Principles of Interpersonal Communication

Theories provide general principles to help us better understand what, how, and under what circumstances various kinds of communication occurs. Let's take a look at some of them and what they can tell us about communication.

1. Interpersonal Communication is inevitable. All behavior is potentially communicative and all responses have potential message value. In other words, we always communicate something. person "cannot not communicate," for  even the  act of trying to not communicate communicates something.
It is through communication that we affect and  are affected by others, a  fact of life we may as well learn to handle effectively. Opportunities for  interpersonal communication are ubiquitous and inescapable. Communication includes nonverbal as  well as  verbal messages, ones that are accurately and inaccurately sent and received, and ones that are unintentional as  well as  intentional.

2. Interpersonal Communication is irreversible. Some processes are reversible and some are not. You can turn water into ice and back into water, but you can't turn grapes into wine and then back into grapes. In communication, once a word is spoken you can't take it back. Once created and sent, verbal and nonverbal communication messages have an enduring quality that can't be uncreated.

What you communicate remains communicated. You can try to qualify, negate, reduce or revise the message, but you cannot delete it or get it back. Even when communication is forgotten, it has already had an impact. The only times we avoid this irreversibility is when our messages weren't received at all.

3. Interpersonal communication is unrepeatable. Since everyone and everything is constantly changing, it follows that nothing can ever be exactly  the same again. When we communicate, many variables are involved--situation, frame of mind and relationship dynamics. We  can try to repeat words consistently, perhaps as  stage performers try to do, but we're likely to find that the message is altered somehow, even when it seems the same.

4. Interpersonal communication is governed by rules. Many communication rules are embedded in our culture and sub-cultures. They can be discussed and digested cognitively, perhaps as  part of a lesson plan, but for  the most part people rely on learning from their experiences, by observing and by interacting with others, rather  than from reading a written rulebook. These rules may be implicit or explicit.

Think of some card or board games that you played growing up and the special unwritten rules that applied when grandma played or perhaps when a younger child was just learning the game. These rules aren't written on the game box, but they certainly helped to keep the game moving along and kept everyone in  the game.

Sometimes there are explicit rules, like those spelled out in a course syllabus or a parent's rule, "No phone calls after 9:00PM." There are explicit rules in legal courts and in  the workplace. There are explicit rules in classrooms and in places of worship. Some are posted on signs and others are told to us.

Some rules aren't explicitly stated but are implied. These implicit rules are expected  to be followed nonetheless. An implicit rule in a college classroom or a business boardroom may be that only one person talks at a  time. In a  friendship, a close friend may expect to hear more personal details and thoughts about a special event in your life. These unwritten rules and expectations are renegotiated and revised as  relationships develop.

Sometimes we just "know" these rules exist, as  shown in  the way children come to understand that the way they talk  among friends and peers is different  from the way they're expected to talk  in  the classroom or at the family dinner table. For more sophisticated situations, we may need some help. There are books about interpersonal etiquette and accepted manner of communication that people may use to refine their social skills, applied to specific events and times. There also books about grammar and "proper language." There are even books and websites  that focus on the use of slang and how to understand and communicate with particular groups and subcultures.

5. Interpersonal communication involves both content and relationship dimensions. What you say (the words) and how you say it (nonverbal cues) reveal much about the true meaning of your message. Content consists of information, ideas, suggested actions and the like. The relationship dimension is usually implied, most often nonverbally, and offers cues to the emotions, attitudes, and the amount of power and control the speaker feels in a given interaction. In some interactions, the content may be of greater significance, while in others the relational dimension will  be more important.

Conflicts often arise from the failure to recognize the distinction between the two. Arguments over content are relatively easy to resolve by referring to a resource to check facts. Relational conflicts may involve issues such as  status, expectations or power. They often aren't recognized as  such and the persons involved mistakenly remain stuck on the content.

6. Interpersonal communication is a  transactional process. The process of communication is
circular--one person's message serves as  a stimulus for  another person's message and so on and so on. Each serves as  speaker and listener, actor and reactor. The process is ongoing and ever changing. The elements are interdependent--a source needs a receiver, a message needs a source, feedback needs receiver. A change in  one element affects the others. Sometimes changes are obvious, while at other times they go unnoticed.

7. Interpersonal communication may be viewed as  symmetrical or complementary. Some sociologists and linguists say that, in symmetrical communication, individuals mirror each other's behavior. The relationship is one of equality and differences between the parties are minimized.
In complementary communication, individuals engage in different behaviors, with the behavior of one serving as  the stimulus for  the other's complementary behavior. Differences are maximized and minimized according to their personal perceptions and positions, such as feeling superior or inferior, strong or weak, passive or active.

8. Interpersonal communication is a process of adjustment. Interpersonal communication is affected by the extent  to which the parties share the same system of symbols, and, of course, no two persons share identical systems. Different cultures, social groups and units (such as  a couple) have "inside systems." You have to take the time to learn the systems of others and to share your own, if you want to communicate with them beyond a superficial level.
People who make the effort  to match their speaking styles to their listeners are given more credibility and viewed as  more efficient communicators. This is important in many situations, most especially when people are engaged in any kind of intercultural communication or perhaps across age levels.

9. Interpersonal communication is a series of punctuated events. In general, communication events are continuous transactions, with no clear-cut beginning and end. For convenience, we punctuate or divide the continuous sequence of a communication transaction into cause-and-effect (or stimulus-response) segments.
Usually individuals punctuate in ways that benefit them or are consistent with their self-images, such as  punctuating a conflict so that the other person appears to be the cause. Understanding how others punctuate is essential to understanding and empathy.

10. Interpersonal communication is contextual. In other words, communication does not happen in isolation. There is are several types of context that affect interpersonal communication, including:

Psychological context, involves who you are and what you bring to the interaction. Needs, desires, values, experiences and personality all contribute  to the psychological context.
Relational context concerns the nature of the relationship between the people who are communicating and their reactions  to one other person.

Environmental context refers  to the physical aspect of where you are communicating. Noise level, temperature, furniture, time of day, season and location are all examples of environmental factors.

Situational context  involves the psychosocial aspect of where you are communicating. For example, an interaction that takes place in a classroom may be significantly different  from one that occurs in a bar or club due to the differing psychosocial conditions of these settings.
Cultural context includes all  the behaviors, rules and values learned from being part of a culture or subculture that affect an interaction. This context involves the meanings that different cultures assign to words, gestures, and many other aspects of communication.

Given the preceding principles, it is safe to conclude that communication is complex and difficult. We don't actually exchange ideas in communication; rather we swap symbols. These symbols, such as words and gestures, don't have inherent meaning. We  simply use symbols in  the ways we have learned, assuming or expecting  that others understand and use them in  the same way.
Some communication theorists have suggested that whenever you communicate with another person, there are really six  people involved:

(1) Who you think you are;
(2) Who you think the other person is;
(3) Who you think the other person thinks you are;
(4) Who the other person thinks she or he is;
(5) Who the other person thinks you are; and
(6) Who the other person thinks you think he or she is

Got that? That could sound like the classic Bud Abbot and Lou Costello routine of "Who's On
First?" (See  Figure 1 1)

What might make this process seem simple to us most of the time, is that we have grown accustomed to the complexities of communication. We  have learned to maneuver our way around, and some of us are quite confident about our communication skills. Yet, we all know the frustrations and consequences of unsuccessful or misunderstood efforts to communicate. One  of the goals of this course is to help students learn ways to more often and more successfully manage the communication process.

Elements of Interpersonal Communication

The following elements play a role in shaping content and relationship messages during an interpersonal exchange, some more overtly  than others.
Source and receiver. We  function as  both the source and receiver during most interpersonal interactions. Encoding occurs when the person who is the source produces and sends messages. Decoding occurs when the receiver perceives and interprets messages. What you say, which messages you receive, and how you receive  them are influenced by many personal characteristics. These include your personal identity and attitudes, as  well as  what you know, believe, value, want and have been told.

Messages. Messages are the signals that serve as  stimuli for  a receiver, and they include all  the verbal and nonverbal behavior of the person who is communicating. Messages are sent both intentionally and unintentionally, through one or more channels of communication.
Channel. Channels are the media through which messages  pass, and usually more than one channel or medium is used at a  time. Personal channels include all of our senses: speaking, listening, gesturing, seeing, touching, and smelling. The term channel may also apply to type of contact  such as face-to-face exchange, telephone, email, mail,  film, TV, radio, fax, telegraph or smoke signal.

Noise. Factors that interfere with your receiving a message from someone or with someone receiving a message from you are called noise. Noise factors may be:
Physical-- sunglasses, street sounds, bad handwriting, computer ads and spam
Physiological--hearing, vision, articulation disorders, tiredness, not feeling well
Psychological--biases, attitudes, wandering thoughts, strong emotions, expectations Semantic-­ misunderstood meanings from dialects, jargon, and complex language
Signal-to-noise ratio applies to the amount of received information that is useful compared to the amount that is not useful. All communication has some amount of noise. We  can each do our part to reduce communication noise by being more precise and sharpening our verbal and nonverbal skills, as well as our ability to listen, give feedback and use the other communication processes included in this course of study.

Context. As  mentioned earlier, context  dimensions may be physiological, relational, situational, environmental or cultural. The context of communication may function merely as  background, set the tone, or even actually be a message in itself. For  example, the professor who schedules the conference you requested for  7:00 AM may be sending a message about availability.
Purpose. We  communicate for  many different reasons and purposes. Our  communication behaviors are influenced by the needs, interests and desired outcomes from which our purposes or goals are derived. Some general, or core, communication purposes include:

-To learn, about oneself or to better understand the external world
-To relate, in order  to establish and maintain relationships
-To influence, as  in  trying to get someone to vote, think, support or consider
-To play, bringing balance to our lives or giving our minds a break by joking, telling stories, discussing interests or playing sports and games
-To help, as  when we console, listen and give counsel to a  friend

Competence. Your communication competence includes your knowledge of verbal and nonverbal behaviors. It  further includes the degree  to which you know how to adjust your communication according to the context of the interaction and  the person with whom you are interacting. Communication competence is developed by explicit instruction, observing others, and trial and error. It has been demonstrated that communications competence contributes significantly to college success, job satisfaction, and developing and  maintaining meaningful relationships.
Ethics. Communication has consequences and thus a moral dimension or some element of rightness or wrongness. Ethics are closely interwoven with philosophy of life, personality, values and beliefs. They can profoundly affect our relationships and interactions with others, for  better and for  worse.

Interpersonal Communication Myths

In some ways, knowing what something is not can help us to get a better  understanding of what it is. Communication myths such as  the following can  lead to unintended miscommunications.
More words will  result in more understanding. On many occasions, too many words obscure our meaning and continued explanation makes matters worse. Thinking ahead and listening attentively can help us to communicate more effectively with fewer words.

Meanings are in words. Words are merely symbols; meanings reside in and among people. Dictionaries provide convenient samplings of  a language's vocabulary, but words that are not "in  the dictionary" may still be valid spoken words. Fewer that one thousand of the world's 6,800 languages have writing systems, yet meaning is communicated in all these languages.

Information equals communication. Just because you say or write something doesn't mean it has been communicated as  you intended. Just because someone received your message doesn't mea1 they "got it." Through the processes of selecting, organizing and interpreting a message, the receiver also contributes to the meaning of that message.

Interpersonal relationship problems are always communication problems. By this point in your education, you know to not trust statements including the word "always," and rightly so. Values, attitudes, goals, beliefs, changes and expectations can also be sources of relationship conflict. In fact, people may communicate very well with each other and still disagree or not match up.
Communication is a complex and multifaceted process that we often take for  granted, yet it is the key to building productive and positive relationships. In the topics to come, you will  learn about some fundamental and practical skills that you can apply in many places and situations.








Topic 2 -- Communication and Self-Concept

Self Concept: Influences and Characteristics

Of all the perceptions we have in the course of living, none has a more profound affect on our lives than the ones we hold about our own personal existence. We all seek answers to the questions, “Who am I?” and “How do I fit into this world?” The answers give us clues to the center of our existence and they make up 'What is known as the self-concept. How we see ourselves plays a significant role in the way we communicate with others.

The Self-Concept

According to William Strein (1995), self-concept is one of the most popular ideas in psychological literature and one of the most difficult to define. The ERIC database includes over 6000 entries under the “self-concept” descriptor. Reviews of literature have found at least 15 different “self” terms used by various authors.

Terms such as “self-concept,” “self-esteem,” “self-worth,” “self-acceptance,” and so on are often used interchangeably and inconsistently, "When they may relate to different ideas about how people view themselves. However, because self-concept and related ideas play such a significant role in communication, we will attempt to set matters straight.

Self-Concept Defined

The self-concept is a relatively stable set of perceptions that, as individuals, we hold about ourselves. Human development specialists agree that one does not have a self-concept or self-picture at birth. An infant lying in a crib has no notion of self. The brain has not yet developed enough to process the social atmosphere in which the child was born. Infants cannot survive without the interaction of other beings, and their awareness of their own existence comes into play as the brain develops and the growth process evolves.

The infant's struggle for life is focused on the basic physical needs of food, water, elimination, shelter and human touch. There is no awareness of social being. “Who am I?” is a question based in language development that begins to take place several months after birth. At about six or seven months of age, a child will begin to recognize “self” as distinct from his or her surroundings.

Observe some children at this young age. You will notice how much of the time they stare at things. They are fascinated with slow moving objects that float into view, such as hands, toys, and faces. It probably seems strange to them at first, since they have no reference points or language to help them learn. Eventually, connections are made and revelations are stored in their developing psychics. “Wow, this thing (hand) is attached to me. I can move it.” “Hey, that face is familiar to me but I can't move it like that thing below (foot).” These are the earliest personal insights that contribute to concept of self. What is “me”? What is “not me”? What can I control? What can't I control?

At this early stage of life, the self-concept or self-picture is primarily focused on physical awareness. With the help of adults, small children are encouraged to name parts of their bodies and to learn more about their environment. Language is introduced and the evolution of self becomes a product of social interaction.

When you were growing up, did you have a favorite aunt or uncle, or perhaps a nice neighbor who took an interest in you? Was there anyone in your family that you favored more than others? Now, was there a person who you dreaded to be around, perhaps someone who was threatening or critical? This might have been an older sibling or maybe a coach or teacher in school. Some people are welcomed into our lives and others are not.

Self-concept is shaped by the comments and judgments of those around us, especially wtlen we are young. You pick up signals from people in terms of your self-worth. They can make y ou feel valued, loved, and capable. Or, they can send messages that imply that you are of little or no value, inadequate, and rejected. Your self-concept is a product of messages you receive throughout your life.

The term “significant other” is used to identify a person whose evaluations are especially influential on you. This may be an adult or a peer. Their influence is a matter of your subjective perception. Significant others in your life have power and credibility, perhaps gained through the position that they hold, or admiration of their achievements, or because they control elements needed for survival. Messages, both spoken and unspoken, from them play a critical role in the development of the self-concept.

It seems obvious, and research confirms it, that kind and supportive parents with positive attitudes about life are more likely to raise children who have healthy self-concepts. By contrast, parents with negative attitudes and deviant behaviors tend to have children who primarily view themselves in negative ways, who communicate poorly with others, who have less than satisfactory marriages and who struggle to be effective in the world of work. Interestingly, research also suggests that if a child's parents are different in terms of one having a positive and the other a negative self-concept, the child tends to identify with the parent with the healthy self-concept.

Our self-picture comes from many sources and its development is dependent upon interpersonal communications. It is a complex picture based on our interpretation of subjective experiences and it is shaped by our interactions with people who are around us.


Being reinforced or rejected by others for the things we do influences the development of the self-concept. For example, when you were a small child you might have been drawn to toys that produced sounds and the rhythmic nature of music. When people saw you trying to create your own beats and tunes, they may have commented that you have musical talent. You listened and believed that to be true, which served to draw you even more to musical instruments. You practiced and developed more skills that, in turn, could be used to create songs that were favorable received by the family audience. When asked to describe yourself in a class assignment, you might have written that you have musical talent and interests.

On the other hand, suppose that, in your early life, people had been critical of your attempts to create music and perhaps teased or made fun of you. Then, even if you had some natural abilities, you may have shied away from musical performances. When asked, you might have been inclined to say that you had little or no musical aptitude.

Self-concept is also shaped through social comparisons. In this case, we evaluate ourselves in terms of whether we are better or worse off than others are. These subjective comparisons allow us to conclude that we are superior or inferior, similar or different, normal or strange, tall or short, strong or weak, talkative or shy, among other social issues and concerns. Have you ever compared and evaluated yourself in terms of how others do a certain task? Are you aware of the number of people in your circle of friends, or the size of your nose, or the color of your hair, as compared to others? How much of the time do you spend thinking about yourself as compared to other people? To what degree to you experience satisfaction, relief, or feel anxiety when such comparisons are made? Many people judge themselves against unreasonable standards or expectations. The desire to be perfect is the desire to be above reproach and criticism. There is nothing better and nothing to prove. Yet, perfectionism can grind down a person's self-concept, sometimes to the point of self-doubt and a loss of self-esteem. As one famous model pointed out, 'Nobody looks the way we (models) are portrayed in magazines and on screen. What they can't cover up with make-up, they air brush or touch up when the film is being developed.' The public is bombarded with ads for products to make people look young and better looking. To have the perfect body, the perfect look, is an obsession for some people. Such perfection, of course, is a myth, one that is perpetuated and reinforced by our culture.

A great number of people obsessively follow popular fads and try to incorporate them as part of their self-image. For young people, it's important to be “cool.” For older people, it’s important to appear young. For those with a healthy and strong self-concept, it’s more important to be one's self. 'Be true to oneself' is their motto. But, what does that mean? It requires self- awareness, personal resolve, and self-confidence. Very early in life, our self-concept helps us to cope with life. Decision-making is based on how we see ourselves in situations and most decisions are made from a survival mode. The ultimate objective in life is to
survive physically and psychologically. Thus, we learn defensive behaviors to avoid pain and, in order to feel satisfaction, we perform actions and seek activities that bring pleasure.

Successful coping behaviors become part of the self-concept. There is the emergence of “I am...” The self-concept changes slowly and tends to resist change. The secret to changing the self-concept, if desired or not, lies in interpersonal relationships and communication.

Self-concept might also be viewed as one's personal identity. When we attempt to define or describe it, we recognize that it is reflected in the attitudes, beliefs and values that we hold. These are learned ideas shape and reveal our self-image and influence the way we interact with the world.

An attitude is a predisposition to respond t o a person, object, or idea in favorable or unfavorable manner. Attitudes are a reflection of "What you like and don't like. If you see yourself as a Republican, you have to resist jumping to conclusions when Democratic candidates try to make their case. You are already predisposed to thinking that you won't agree with their tenets and that you must take a stand against their political ideas. If you like music but find some rap songs to be too offensive, then your attitude about going t o a concert featuring some popular rap artists is not likely to be enthusiastic. You'll be looking for excuses not to go. It is important to remember that you are not born with a particular attitude. Attitudes are learned.

Beliefs are the foundation of what you think is the real world. They are reflected in how you make judgments in terms of something being either true or false. Although most of our beliefs are based on previous experience, we can be influenced by significant others such as parents, religious leaders and others in authority. Peers, the public media and literature can also influence what we assume to be reality.

The difference between beliefs and attitudes is that beliefs focus on "What one believes to be true or not true. It may be imagined or based on objective reality. Attitudes are projections of "What one likes or dislikes. You might believe, for instance, that there is a God who intervenes in the world or perhaps you believe that God does not intervene and people are left to their own free will. Your attitude is revealed in your being open or closed to exploring the meaning of God or a spiritual life. You may believe in religious freedom, but draw the line when it involves something other than a Christian perspective, or perhaps a Muslim point of view, and be less tolerant of those who don't follow your beliefs.

Values are another part of the self-concept. They involve they concepts of what is good and what is bad, what right and what is wrong. Values go beyond what is deemed to be real or not real through the use of evaluation. Values are deeper than our attitudes because they deal with worth of an idea, a thing or a relationship. The degree of worth determines the importance and prominence that something has in our life. Values are so central to whom we think we are that they influence our perceptions, beliefs, attitudes and behavior. For example, you may go to a car dealership and admire the line of new automobiles. You can even find one that you would love to drive, but your personal values keep you from stealing or maybe even owning it. Criminal behavior is out of the question and, despite the desire to enjoy it, you might consider the car too impractical, expensive or ostentatious to own.

Our values are instilled in us beginning at an early age. They are learned through social interactions and communication with others. For most of us, this involves our family members during the formative years of life.
The diagram in Figure 2.1 illustrates that values are the core of our self-concept and our behaviors. What we tend to believe is t rue or not true stems from this core of values. Our beliefs help shape our attitudes and our attitudes toward something affects our actions. Behaviors and attitudes are easier to access and to change than beliefs and values. For instance, you may support the actions of our nation's president today, but not tomorrow. You may believe that key players in the administration unduly influence the president but you value the concept of a republic government and electing government leaders.

Characteristics of the Self-Concept

Purkey and Schmidt (1996) defined self-concept as 'the totality of a complex and dynamic system of learned beliefs that an individual holds to be true about his or her personal existence and that gives consistency to his or her personality." They went on to describe five qualities or characteristics of self. The self-concept is organized, dynamic, consistent, modifiable and learned. To these, we add two more: the self-concept is subjective and it is a life-long process.

Self-concept is organized.

Most self-concept theorists agree that the self has a general stable quality that is characterized by orderliness and harmony. Using a large spiral (See Figure 2.2), to represent the organized unity of the self, Purkey and Schmidt (1996) viewed the intact “global self” to be made up many smaller units. These are considered subselves and pictured as small "me" spirals. These represent the subjective perceptions that make up who we think we are.

For example, "me as a student" or 'me as a volleyball player" would represent self-perceptions that a person might hold. Each of the 'me' spirals in the global system is organized and balanced within itself. At the same time, it is influenced by and in turn influences the global system.

The numerous "me" spirals also represent specific beliefs that a person holds to be true about his or her personal existence. These might be divided into attributes ( such as tall, weak, smart, friendly, skinny, honest, athletic) and categories (such as student, brother, sister, mother, husband, lover, basketball player, accountant, American, Latino). These perceived attributes and categories are linked together ( i.e., “friendly American,” “smart student,” “honest accountant”).

There are four organizational features of the self that deserve attention.

1. First, each person's self-concept has countless “me's” but all are not equal. They also appear to have a hierarchical order in the global self, which gives meaning and stability to the entire system. Some of the more significant perceptions are closest to the core of ' I" and have the most influence on day-to-day activities. They are the subselves with the loudest voices. Other "me's" are less critical and located toward the periphery of the global self. They, being more distant, play a smaller part in influencing behavior. For example, seeing oneself as a mother or father may have much greater impact on one's behavior than perceiving oneself as an occasional tennis player.

It is possible for a person to be so loaded with "me's" that the self-picture is cloudy, and there may be times when sensory overload is experienced. The person cannot let go of any "me." This may cause confusion in a person and cause them to behave awkwardly, hesitantly or inconsistently.

2. A second organization feature of the subselves is that each 'me" can have a negative or positive position. For example, a person might think "I'm not as smart as others in my class. I have to study harder than they do and even then I don't high enough grades. I'll keep doing things to hide this fact and maybe I won't feel so inferior." You might imagine how uncomfortable this person might feel around classmates. This person will look for others who are doing about the same quality of work and avoid those who seem to be doing better. A lot of attention is given to saying and doing things to bolster self-confidence.

3. A third feature is that one's perceived success or failure tends to generalize throughout the entire self-system. Researchers have concluded that \llihen one dimension of the perceived self is important and highly valued, then a failure in that dimension can lower the person's self-evaluation in other areas that appear to be connected. Conversely, success in a highly valued activity tends to raise self-confidence and self-evaluations in other apparently connected abilities and activities.

This spread-of-effect phenomenon can be illustrated by the case of a man who believed he was an excellent athlete. He was quick, strong, and competitive. He liked practicing the skills associated with various sports and believed that hard work with talent produced a winner. He carried this same high regard and work ethic into other areas of his life, such as business ventures and his approach to family problems. However, it is also apparent that if achievement is not valued in the eyes of significant others, then the pleasant feelings associated with success cannot be sustained. Individuals require positive regard from others as well as themselves. It takes a determined, seemingly independent and self-reliant individual to ignore or not be influenced by the external force of positive regard.

4. A final organizational feature of self-concept is that each person's self is unique. In the same way that our fingerprints, dental charts and eyes are distinctive, it is unlikely that any two people "Who hold identical sets of values, beliefs, attitudes and patterns of behaviors. This uniqueness makes for an infinite number of human personalities and helps explain problems in communication.

Because no two people ever perceive things exactly the same way, it is often difficult for people to communicate and reach agreement on what they are experiencing. For example, even though they might dress alike, speak the same language and have grown up in the same neighborhood, the individuals in a group of high school students may behave differently when given the same opportunity. One might welcome a challenge, while another dismisses it. One might ask for help, while another considers making such a request a sign of weakness and resists it. One might enjoy reaching out and meeting new people, while another is
suspicious and avoids situations where there are people unknown to them.

Recognizing that everyone is unique, the most effective communicators are curious about what others think and feel. They make an effort to enter the perceptual world of the person with whom they are talking. They listen and respond in such a way that the person feels understood and accepted.

Self-concept is dynamic.

The maintenance, protection, and enhancement of the perceived self (one's own personal existence as viewed by oneself) might be considered the most basic motivations behind all human behavior.

For instance, Jake was a man who recognized that he was neglecting his duties and responsibilities as a father. It was not a central part of himself. Instead, he spent most of his time away from the family playing golf, where he had already established himself as an accomplished player and where he enjoyed the camaraderie of his golfing partners. They joked and told familiar stories. He liked being with them because they communicated similar interests and shared common experiences. At home, he couldn't understand his teenage son and most attempts at conversation broke down into arguments and threats. This led to unpleasant
talks with his wife. Communication was limited and they all passed each other daily as if they were ships in the night. It was easier to avoid one another. Jake's choice to maintain, protect , and enhance his self-concept by focusing outside the family had consequences for his family members as well as for Jake himself.

The dynamic nature of the self might be illustrated by thinking of the global spiral as a personal gyrocompass. There is a continuous set of beliefs that point to the ' true north' of a person's perceived existence. This guidance system is reliable and serves to direct individuals in their actions. It also gives them a personality that others see as steady. The dynamic nature of the self enables people to take a consistent stance in life and gives them direction, for better or for worse.

It has been shown that poor readers in school lack a sense of personal worth and adequacy to the point where they avoid trying to achieve. It poor readers study hard and Still fail, it provides unbearable proof of personal inadequacy. It is easier to not try rather than risk being embarrassed or humiliated. In their own way, by deliberately not trying to do well in school, they are in control, which is a more positive aspect of self.

For anyone to change such a resistant stance, there must first be increased awareness, new information that can fit with existing beliefs, and a reduction of dissonance. There must be opportunities for a new or revised belief system to be created, where positive self-images are absorbed into the self's gyroscope. Effective interpersonal relationships and communication play an important role in helping people to reevaluate and reorganize their perceptions.

Self-concept is consistent.

Cognitive dissonance occurs when perceptions are incompatible. If a new experience is inconsistent with one that has already taken place and been incorporated into the self-system, then there is tendency to reject it. No matter how positive or self-enhancing it might appear to others, if the new experience is not congenial to the established self-system, then it will be dismissed, avoided or discarded. People accept and incorporate that which is sympathetic, agreeable and congruent with their self-identity.

People who have the eating disorder anorexia tend to see themselves as fa t, despite the fact that they are dangerously underweight. They avoid food, sometimes t o the point of starvation. Standing on a scale and reading the number of pounds recorded is not enough to counter the internal logic that is grounded in the self-concept. External logic, as applied by well-meaning and concerned friends, falls on deaf ears. To the person with anorexia, their pleas, advice, warnings and concerns only emphasize that they are not understanding or accepting. It requires a personal commitment and effective communication skills to enter the world of the anorexic person to explore perspectives and safely approach alternatives.

On occasion the global self has contradictory subselves. These "me's" can coexist and may never encounter or challenge one another, as long as the individual does not perceive the contradict ions. For example, a mother may neglect her own children while working actively with a community group that benefits children. When confronted, awareness of the contradictions may occur, causing dissonance and unpleasant feelings. This can cause distress, which can only be relieved when the dissonance is resolved.

Behaviors that are incompatible with one's self-concept produce a psychological discomfort and anxiety. At a human sexuality conference on a university campus, a discussion took place about the reluctance of young adults to use contraceptives, even though they were sexually active. They said that if they used contraceptives it would clearly indicated that they were planning to engage in a sexual activity, which they considered unacceptable by their own values and future plans. If they had sexual intercourse and didn't use contraceptives, it was acceptable because they were in a moment of uncontrolled passion. Spontaneous sexual activity, no matter the higher risk, was more acceptable to their self-image than making plans for something they wanted to avoid.

People behave according to their perceptions, even if the behavior seems strange, odd, dangerous or self-defeating to others. Experiences are filtered through and mediated by whatever is already part of the self-system. This screening and mediating process provides the consistency of human personality.

The principle of self-consistency implies that we are not quick to accept changes in others or ourselves. It's not easy to rapidly shape others or ourselves into something more suitable or desirable, even if it makes
sense when discussed logically. It makes no difference whether a person's self-concept is healthy or unhealthy, productive or counterproductive, friendly or unfriendly, self-enhancing or self-defeating, the person strives for consistency. It is this consistency that reassures us as individuals that we are being ourselves and surviving.

Although self-concept tends toward consistency, changes are possible. There is an endless quest for positive self-regard and the regard of significant others. Given time and favorable conditions, one's self-image can be altered. The good news is that the self-concept can be modified.

Self-concept is modifiable.

In a healthy person, there is a continuous flow of experiences and new percept ions. This creates the potential for flexibility. The basic assumption is that each person is constantly seeking to maintain, protect and enhance his or her psychological self. It is also assumed that the self is predisposed toward growth and development. This suggests that people are always motivated, even though they may not be doing what other people expect of them.

Understanding human motivation from this perspective can be of tremendous help in communication. It is further assumed that motivation is a basic force that comes from within an individual. People are motivated to communicate with one another and some more than others. It is through others that new perspectives are discovered or introduced and it is with others that they are explored. The exploration process is a communication process that can lead to new ways of perceiving and thinking about matters. These processes are opportunities for mutual learning.

Self-concept is learned.

In general, you change your self-perceptions, for better or for worse, in three ways.

1. The first is through a traumatic or ecstatic event. For instance, the tragic loss of a loved one or the joyous arrival of a baby can have such an impact that the very structure of the self-concept is changed. The new "me" might now be: "I'm a widow," or "I'm now a mother. " The impact of momentous events can disrupt the internal balance of the self-concept and point it in a different direction.

2. A second way that you change your self-perception can be through a helping relationship. This may be with a professional counselor, a doctor, spiritual leader or perhaps even with a deeply caring and facilitative friend. In this case, a perceived safe and secure atmosphere is available and others let you go beyond the surface levels of life in order to think and explore deeper issues. This can take time and the communication process must foster the helping relationship.

3. The third influence that promotes change comes from the everyday experiences and events in your life. Repeated experiences can create enduring images and ways of looking at the world. Perhaps you experienced teachers who showed they cared about your success and said you were a good learner. You may have reacted by doing those things that added to your success as a student. Or, you may have encountered a teacher who was more interested in the subject matter of the course than in helping students learn. Rather than encouragement, you may have experienced distant communication and felt disengaged. If the teacher were insensitive and overly critical about your work, you may have felt discouraged or even incompetent. Repeated experiences will reinforce either positive or negative self-perceptions.

The important principle is that self-concept is learned. Self-perceptions are learned through our interactions with others and the events that take place in our daily lives. Negative self- perceptions can be challenged and new perspectives put in their place, incorporating self-confidence, self-worth and self-esteem into the self-concept.

Self-concept is subjective.

The way we view ourselves may be different from the way others see us. Teachers, for example, are notoriously poor judges of their communication skills. All, regardless of their effectiveness, tend to rate themselves above average as speakers, as listeners and in their ability to communicate with students and parents. They may assume that, because their profession requires communication skills, this automatically puts them at a higher level of skill than others. Some ineffective teachers ignore the facts that imply that students don't like their courses, find them cold and distant, and rate them low in terms of their ability to communicate. Some poor teachers rely on a few cases to bolster their egos, perhaps the testimony of one child or parent. These examples show how the subjectivity of the self-concept leads to resistance to
change.

There are times when we view ourselves more harshly than the facts warrant. Our expectations for ourselves may be higher or more rigid than for others. Sometimes we think negative thoughts about ourselves and are convinced that others are thinking such thoughts about us too. A string of past failures in school or a job can cause self-doubt. A particular failure or time of rejection can linger and affect social relations and the way a person communicates, long after the event has passed.

People are more critical of themselves when they are in an unpleasant mood than when they are feeling pleasant. Self-doubt is something that almost everyone experiences on occasion, but those who suffer from long-term states of excessive doubt or personal putdowns need to reevaluate their beliefs and attitudes.

Self-concept is a lifelong process.

We know that the self-concept is acquired and modified through the experiences of a person. It is a lifelong process in which the self is always being constructed. Throughout this process consistent qualities are developed through accumulated experiences, interpretations and what is personally viewed as effective.

Purkey and Schmidt (1996) used the analogy of a lake to describe the energetic qualities of the self-concept. If the lake is to avoid becoming stagnant and drying up, an experiential river must feed it by constantly flowing in and out of the lake. No matter how slow or fast the river flows, it adds freshness to the lake's ecological system.

The self-concept, like the lake, needs fresh input and the opportunity to flush out unproductive beliefs and unhealthy attitudes. What should flow out and what should remain as a valued constant are the challenging questions. We have the power to make decisions and to affect our personal sense of self. Interpersonal communication and relationships are like powerful currents in our own experiential rivers, and they can significantly impact our lives.


Topic 3 --Communication and Relationships

The appeal of relationships

…no man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part
of the main If a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less…any man's
death diminishes me, for I am involved in mankind…
-- John Donne----Meditation XVII—

These famous lines remind us that we are profoundly interconnected. We need
other people in our lives. We thrive, not in isolation from one another as human
islands, but through our relationships, connections, and communication.

Consider the movie "Castaway" in which Tom Hanks character, Chuck Noland, is
stranded on a deserted island for four years. In the beginning of the movie, we
see Noland as a man driven by his job and the clock, with little time for
relationships in his life. After surviving a plane crash, he finds himself on an island
with nothing for companionship but a photograph of his girlfriend and volleyball
that be names Wilson. Despair becomes so great he attempts suicide but fails. His
ultimate survival is due in part to the "relationship" that he creates and maintains
with Wilson as well as his need to reconnect with Kelly and humanity.

So important is contact with other human beings that when we're deprived of it for
long periods, self-doubts emerge, depression sets in, and we find it difficult to
manage even the basics of daily life. Repeated research emphasizes that the most
important contributor to happiness, as well as a critical factor in making our lives
meaningful, is having a close interpersonal relationship in our lives.

Just because relationships are important to us doesn't mean they're easy to
develop and maintain. Any relationship has advantages and disadvantages and the
potential for satisfaction or dissatisfactio1, for happiness or unhappiness, and for
an array of meaningful experiences.

The Appeal of Relationships

It's hard to imagine the world without relationships. There would be no families, no
friends, no romantic partners, and the workplace would be a cold and uninviting
place. In addition, there are relationships in the world that are dependent upon
one another for survival. Some of these are predatory and others are based on
creatures living together in cooperation. Is it possible that these same kinds of
relationships also exist between people?

Why do we form relationships with some people and not with others? On many
occasions there is no choice. For instance, you were born into a family and had no
choice in the selection of your parents. You are the product of a relationship
between a man and woman.

At other times, people come together by coincidence or by design. You might
work for a business or company where you team with a group of people on a
particular project that requires a close working relationship. Or, you might find
yourself at a party where you only know some of people who are present.
Relationships are everywhere. They are inescapable. Of course, some are more
satisfying and some last longer than others.

Stop for a moment and pretend that you have a magic crystal ball that can foretell
your future. Look into the ball and list five events that you see for yourself in the
future. Write these five events on a sheet of paper. When do you think that they
might happen?

Next, look over your list. How many of these events can you do completely alone?
Which of them involve other people? Below your list of events, list the other
people who will be involved.

There is something about the nature of human beings that make relationships
imperative. We have personal needs that can only be met by interacting and
communicating with other people. Family and career successes depend on building
and maintaining relationships. Friendships and companionships thrive or decline
based on the nature of the interactions that take place.

What makes us seek out some people and avoid others? Social scientists have
attempted to identify some of the factors that contribute to the formation
relationships.

Appearance and Attractiveness. No doubt you've heard the old axiom of "Don't
judge a book by it's cover," which is an attempt to caution us about forming
opinions on looks or perhaps on external factors. Yet, that seems to be the basic
nature of animals and human beings. You are most likely first drawn to people who
strike you as physically attractive. In addition, it only takes a few minutes to form
an impression of a person's personality and style that can complement physical
features and account for appearance. After all, some people are born with certain
physical characteristics that seem to have a universal appeal, but smiling faces,
positive attitudes, and perhaps a charming laugh are the ingredients that might
determine how a person carries him or herself and comes across to others.

Some social studies indicate that those whose appearance is physically attractive
are also seen as competent. They are given the benefit the doubt more often
than others. Conversely, people who are capable and competent, perhaps as a
team member at work or in a social meeting, are considered more physically
attractive. This may account for why some people strive for money and are
obsessed with it. They equate money with power; and, it is believed that power
trumps physical features.

Appearance is especially important in the early stages of most relationships.
Studies of college students matched with blind dates showed that they preferred
partners who were physically attractive, particularly in terms wanting a second
date with them. In addition, there seems to be considerable research in several
nations that suggests men consider physical attractiveness in their partners more
than do women. Likewise, in a study of gay male dating behavior, physical
attractiveness was the primary factor in influencing how much a person enjoyed
his date and the wish to date the person again.

Ironically, most people are aware of this factor and judge themselves too harshly
in terms of what is imagined to be the standard for physical attractiveness. Even
models, who make a career out of their appealing appearance, tend be critical of
themselves and look for imperfections. Many teenagers, whose bodies are going
through dramatic life changes, feel depressed and desperate when they believe
that they are physically unattractive or don't look like the models that they see in
magazines. As many famous models have pointed out, their pictures are often
altered through photographic technology or perhaps airbrushing. We may not
recognize them as more than ordinary people when in public.

Even if your appearance is not what you would like it to be, or perhaps you think
that it falls short of a societal standard, there is some good news. First, after
initial impressions have passed, ordinary-looking people with pleasing personalities
are likely to be judged as attractive. Second, physical features become less
important as a relationship develops and progresses. It seems that attractive
physical features open doors, but then it takes more than physical beauty to keep
those doors open.

Physical appearance is a critical factor in face-to-face meetings, but in
computer-mediated relationships it is initially a secondary factor and only after
considerable communication has taken place. Verbal descriptions of one's
appearance may be a part of e-mail messages and people may eventually
exchange pictures.

The Internet, which is discussed more in Topic 15, is currently known for launching
text-based relationships in which physical images are imagined rather than known.
As a text-based relationship continues and it proves rewarding, the desire for a
face-to-face meeting grows. People want to confirm their fantasies or at least put
a face with the words they read. It humanizes the relationship.

Proximity and Exposure. If you think about people who you find attractive and to
whom you are most drawn, they probably live and work close to you. In one study
of friendships in university student housing, researchers found that the closer the
rooms were to each other, the more likely the occupants were to become friends.
It is simply a matter of having more opportunities to interact. Then, as people get
to know one another better, the more attractive they are to each other.

It may seem quite obvious now, but one study provided evidence that students
who attend campus classes together are more likely to develop friendly
relationships if they attend on a regular basis. If a person doesn't go very often to
a place where classmates meet, then exposure is limited. They may be unnoticed.
Exposure, or being in the presence of others, increases when the initial interaction
is favorable or neutral. When the first impression is negative, it's possible that
repeated exposure could actually decrease attractiveness.

In one sense, it is also possible that familiarity can breed contempt if there is risk
or if the situation is annoying. This can happen with neighbors, or even relatives,
who live in close proximity. Most aggravated assaults occur within a family or
among close neighbors. Living and working in the same general space is no
guarantee that relationships will be positive or beneficial.

Similarity and Complementarity. There is an old adage, "Birds of a feather flock
together." We tend to be around and enjoy people who are more like us than not.
It's comforting to be with those who have the same values, interests, and goals.
This might include being with people of similar ethnicity, socio-economic status, or
perhaps level of education. Likewise, people who are in the same occupation or
career area will often feel connected. There is a degree of greater comfort when
people have mutual friends, enjoy the same sports, or types of social events.

Being with people who are similar has a way of confirming our identity. There can
be a sense of social validation that what you know and do is "normal." There is also
a tendency to be with people who are similar in terms of perceived physical
attractiveness. Similarities can fall into a matchmaking mentality. The thinking is that
"we are together because we are basically the same."

Similarity in attitudes is a significant factor in determining attractiveness. This
phenomenon is present in diverse cultures such as the United States, Japan,
Mexico, and India. Similar attitudes bring people closer together over time;
whereas, those with different attitudes grow less attracted to each other.

A case might be made that opposites also attract and people can be drawn to
those who are different from how they see themselves. This is the principle of
complementarity. For instance, a submissive person may be attracted to someone
who is assertive. There is a fascination and perhaps an admiration for the missing
element in the person's personality and this has drawing power. It's also possible
that other issues influence attraction so that, for example, a submissive person
might be attracted to an assertive supervisor at work but not to an assertive
roommate.

Theodore Reik, a psychologist, proposed the hypothesis that people fall in love
with those who possess opposite characteristics in order to complete their own
personalities. Partners for example, have been known to identify each other's
strengths and weaknesses and then behave in complementary ways. For instance,
one couple that wanted to buy a car shared responsibilities. "I'll study the cars and
read the consumer reports; you check on and handle the finances."

Rewards and Costs. There is a cost for everything. It's a matter of knowing the
cost, equating the reward, and deciding on whether it was worth it or not.
Generally, we don't like to think about what things cost. They are considered a
drain on our resources and an expense for which we must eventually be
responsible. Relationships are like that. There is always a trade-off. You must pay
or offer something to gain something.

Rewards are pleasurable and we enjoy them. They may be tangible, such as
owning a car or a house, or perhaps taking a dream vacation. Or, they may be
intangible, such as companionship, prestige, or emotional support. Costs, of
course, are undesirable since they drain money, energy, and time. You may find
working in a job pays the bills and provides the money for some happy social
times; however, the job may be unpleasant work and take a toll on your emotions.
There is an exchange, whether you are aware of it or not.

This approach suggests that we seek out relationships that are greater than or
equal to the costs that are experienced. The rewards, both tangible and
intangible, are considered as either a "good deal" or "not worth it." There is a
trade-off.

The initial reaction might be that this applies mostly to relationships in business
and the workplace, such working alongside co-workers or colleagues. Yet, it can
also apply to personal relationships. Some people have been accused of "marrying
for money" or economic gain. Others have tolerated abuses in a relationship
believing that it is better than receiving no attention at all. Another old adage
might apply here, "Buyer Beware."

Competency and Caretaking. We like to be around people who are talented or who
have certain skills. This may be complementary to our own abilities, or perhaps one
that we hope to learn and incorporate in ourselves. People who excel at playing
computer games, for instance, are attracted to other competent players because
they talk the same language and enjoy similar challenges. This might also be true
for those who play chess or who play card games such as poker or Bridge. We
might admire people who seem to have a wealth of knowledge or who are skilled in
building and fixing things like cars or woodworking projects.

If we have similar interests but are less skilled than others, we can still be drawn
to them. However, there is the possibility that we enter such relationships looking
for flaws. We tend to like people better when they have some obvious flaws, so to
speak, because they remind us of ourselves.

Then there are people who are called "caretakers." They have the need to find
and be with people they can "fix," improve, or just take care of. It apparently
satisfies the need to be needed. It might make a person feel important, or
perhaps superior, to be in a close relationship with someone who is constantly in
trouble or unable to manage themselves very well. The cost and reward factors
may be difficult to explain to others who observe the relationship from a distance.
This has been offered as an explanation why some women are drawn to men who
are rebels, maybe even lawbreakers, or who have trouble keeping a job or fulfilling
their responsibilities.

As human beings we make mistakes and we are not pertect. Some people are
blind-sided in a relationship. They are drawn to someone because of their
competence, only to learn that there are unrelated flaws that are distracting and
that prevent the relationship from developing.

A basic principle seems to stand: The best way of getting people to like you is to
be good at what you do but also admit to your mistakes. This is not as easy as it
sounds because people can be defensive when their skills are challenged or
ignored.

Disclosure and Openness. Self-disclosure is an important part of relationships. As
discussed in more detail later (Topic 7 and Topic 8), it is an essential facilitative
process in relationship building because it creates an openness that makes it
possible to reach more understanding. Disclosure can create a number of positive
conditions that add to a relationship. Interestingly enough, studies indicate that
telling others important information about yourself will increase the probability that
they will be drawn to you.

Most self-disclosure communicates that you trust the person with whom you are
talking and that what you say will not be used against you. Disclosure
communicates that you respect the person enough to share a part of yourself.
The person hearing the disclosure might, in turn, feel valued and complimented.

Self-disclosure (Topic 7) affects the dynamics of a relationship and plays a role in
forming close personal and working relationships. Yet, not all self-disclosure
automatically leads to liking or attractiveness. The key is reciprocity. There must
be a mutual sharing of information. This is not necessarily the same kind or amount,
but it must be equivalent enough to be considered mutually revealing.

Timing, as well as the setting, can play a part in whether self-disclosure brings
people closer together or pushes them apart. For instance, talking with a friend
about your disagreements on an issue might better be done when sitting down
and having lunch or coffee together rather than at a party or when you
accidentally meet at a mall shopping center. To talk about your career insecurities
and goals might be avoided when you are making love with your partner or
attending a friend's surprise birthday party.

In addition, if self-disclosure is always on the same topic and about the same
concerns or joys, the information can become boring. Anxiety and excitement
frequently pushes a person to repeatedly talk about something, but it can wear
thin with those who have heard the story before or who really don't want all the
details.

There are probably other theories that focus on relationship development and
explores some of the reasons that people are drawn together. We know that
these elements can be influenced by what people say and do. There are some
communication strategies that influence interpersonal attraction. Some of these will
be explored in later topics as part of communication and interpersonal skills.

Topic 4 -- Interpersonal Perception

Stages of Interpersonal Perception

Perception is the process of experiencing your world through your senses and then making sense of what you experience. The process includes organizing and interpreting information provided by your five senses: sight, smell, taste, touch and hearing. The process of perception helps you become aware of and make assessments about objects, events, people and other things in your life. Your perceptions result from the interaction of what exists in the outside world with what you bring to a situation, such as your experiences, values, identity, needs and wants.

How we perceive our world is a major human factor that influences everything else, from how we feel to why we do the things we do. In this course, we focus on the concept of perception as it applies to interpersonal communication. We know that from the very beginning, perception influences choices and experiences. The messages we send and listen to depend on how we see the world, how we sort out specific situations, and how we regard the people with whom we interact.

Passive and Active Perception. Most of the time, we are unaware or only mildly aware of our own perception process. This is passive perception, which occurs simply because our senses are in operation. We see, hear, taste, smell and feel things around us without much conscious attempt to do so.

Active perception, on the other hand, is the process of seeking out specific information by
intentionally observing and questioning. We make a conscious effort to figure out what we are
experiencing, especially when we are uncertain about what's happening or what our senses are
telling us.

Interpersonal Perception

This is the process by which we decide what other people are like and by which we give meaning to their actions. It involves selecting, organizing and interpreting our observations of other people, thereby drawing inferences from what we observe and making judgments about personality.

Our perceptions of others affect the ways in which we communicate with them, just as their
perceptions affect how they communicate with us. Consider the ways we modify the topics, language and manner in which we communicate according to who we are with and our perceptions of them. For instance, when we talk with small children we tend to use simple language and, when speaking with someone who is hard of hearing, we are likely to slow down and enunciate clearly. By the same token, suppose a new acquaintance is attempting to explain investment strategies in today's market. Some of us will be hoping this person accurately perceives the level of our financial planning knowledge and adjusts the specialized vocabulary accordingly. Otherwise, we are going to be lost in a jumble of words.

The way others behave toward us can tell a great deal about how they perceive us. Remember the
first time someone called you Ms. or Mister7 You may have been surprised to discover that someone perceived you as old enough to be called that. Or, maybe you were in some kind of an authority position that could elicit such a response. Such experiences provide input that we can use to update our self-concepts and, in turn, influence our future perceptions.

We try to analyze others' reactions to us for clues about who we are. Sometimes other people's
perceptions of us are unexpected or they may be noticeably inaccurate. It makes good sense to pay attention to how others behave toward us based on their perceptions and then put that information in context with what else we know about ourselves

How much we notice about another person's communication behavior is based on our level of
interest or need. We typically become more aware of the process when differences in perception
cause a conflict or disagreement. Since no two individuals ever perceive the same thing in exactly the same way, we have countless conflicts in this world. Fortunately, there are communication tools that help us create shared meanings despite our differences in perception

Interpersonal perception is an overlapping series of stages that blend into one another, as all good
stages, steps and phases seem to do. Consequently, in real life, it can be difficult to pin down the
beginnings, middles and endings of where ideas are formed and crystallized.

Four Stages of Interpersonal Perception

For convenience, the interpersonal perception process can be described in four stages:

1. You select certain information to attend to--data such as gestures, tone of voice, gender, facial
expressions or personal information about the person.

2. Next, you organize the information based on the structures you use to order or categorize the
flow of communication.

3. Then, you interpret and attribute meaning to the organized perceptions according to your
personal criteria.

4. Finally, you retrieve and use your processed and stored perceptions in other situations and
interactions, thus adding even more perceptions to what you already have stored.

Stage 1: Selecting

The number of sensations available to us at any given time is innumerable. Give yourself a moment to allow your mind to take in the various stimuli in your environment right now. Look around the room and tune in to your senses. Notice as much as you can about the sights, smells, touch or feel, tastes and sounds that come to your attention.

Are you able to attend to all of them at once? Do you even want to? If you are like most of the rest of us and you are in an ordinary setting, the answer to those questions is no. It would be too much work.
We attempt to simplify the stimuli that flood in through our senses by using selective perception to direct our attention to some things and to ignore others. This process also occurs at an
unconscious level, with our brains automatically screening out or focusing on some of the input to our senses. For example, when we meet someone new, we select and attend to certain information, such as gestures or movements, voice qualities, appearance, eye contact, facial expression, verbal statements, or maybe the way the person is dressed.

In a court of law, eyewitness testimony can determine whether someone is found innocent or guilty of a crime. Some research studies indicate, however, that witnesses' observations and memory are not flawless Studies with law students as the subjects revealed several perceptual errors in eyewitness testimony. They were certain about what they thought they saw, even though actual pictures would later disprove their perceptions. This reminds us that our eyes aren't reliable cameras and our ears aren't microphones. Of course, selective perception can also result in communication inaccuracies in our daily interactions as well.

Adler and associates (2004) cited several factors that make us notice some messages and ignore
others.

Intensity. Our attention is drawn to stimuli that are intense. Perhaps this explains why, other things being equal, we tend to notice very tall or very short people in a crowd. We are more aware of people who talk loudly or who are extreme i1 some other manner.

Repetition. Repetitious stimuli, like the steady ticking of a loud clock, can attract our attention. This can be a distraction until we manage our attention span.

Contrast. Ironically, people we grow accustomed to can become less noticeable over time. We learn to tune out the ticking of a clock or perhaps the voice and mannerisms of someone with whom we work a great deal of the time. Thus, change or contrast in a person's looks or behavior may grab our attention.

Motives. Our motives can shape what we select for attention. A person on the lookout for potential social connections notices people at a social gathering differently than a person whose social calendar is full. If you are standing on a corner, waiting for a friend in a blue minivan, then despite the hundreds of automobiles that pass by, you are more alert when you see blue, when you see minivans, and then you more or less light up with relief when you see your friend driving toward you.

Emotions. Our emotional states can also direct our attention. People who are in a playful and happy mood will see and want to do things differently than those who are feeling unhappy and listless. Emotions influence the way we select things out of the environment. At the beach, some see the ocean, while others focus on the erosion of sand. Some look to the sky for wispy clouds, while others dig aimlessly in the sand or make sandcastles. Our emotions affect the things we attend to when watching TV or a movie. They influence how we interpret a story and the meaning it has for us.

Stage 2: Organizing

After we select certain stimuli, we mentally organize them in ways that make rational sense to us. We sort selected stimuli into personally convenient, understandable and expedient patterns and categories to help us understand. Organizing makes it easier for us to process complex information and ideas. It helps us to store and recall information more easily.

Just as our ancestors organized patterns of stars in the sky into various constellations by using
familiar shapes such as the bear, the hunter and the bull, we create and apply perceptual patterns
to other people. We organize and categorize what we think they are communicating and form
impressions of them and the situation.

Through the study of communications, several approaches to organizing our perceptions have been identified. It is important to note that we use more than one approach to process the vast amount of interpersonal data that we take in each day. Let's take a closer look at four of these approaches.

Perceptual Schemata. One organizational approach is to classify people around perceptual schemata or cognitive frameworks (Adler et al., 2004 ). Schemata (plural for schema) help us to classify millions of things and people into a number of categories or groups. With the intent of making matters more manageable, we develop schemata from vicarious and personal experiences, media exposure, and what we hear from others.

As you read the typical schemata that follow, imagine how you use them when organizing your
perceptions of others.

Physical constructs used to classify people by their looks (e.g., attractiveness, size, age).

Role constructs: used to identify social position or status or organization (e.g., student, professor,
parent, secretary).

Interaction constructs: used to examine social behaviors (e.g., friendliness, helpfulness, sense of
humor or threatening).

Psychological constructs: used to refer to personality characteristics (e.g., considerate, high strung or self-confident).

Generalizations and Stereotypes. The kinds of organizing constructs that we use strongly affect how we relate with others. Once our brain has selected a construct to categorize our perceptions of people, we then make generalizations about individuals. These generalizations may be about age, religion, gender, ethnicity, nationality and so on. Each group with whom we have some familiarity will be represented in our minds in some kind of schema.

Generalizations, by themselves, aren't wrong; in fact, life would be very difficult without them. They help us organize innumerable pieces of data and information that flow our way. However, there are limitations and cautions. Schemata can influence you to see what is not there or miss seeing what is there. Generalizations can be inaccurate or lose touch with reality.

Stereotypes, for example, are exaggerated beliefs associated with an organizing system that may
have a grain of truth. But there is a tendency to go beyond the facts and misrepresent individuals or groups.

One way to distinguish a stereotype from a generalization is that a stereotype will categorize people on the basis of easily recognizable but not necessarily significant traits. Whether that trait is age, nationality, role or skin color, it is insufficient or irrelevant for accurately perceiving a particular individual.

Another aspect of stereotypes is that they attribute a whole set of characteristics to most or all
members of a group, solely based on that membership. "All those people are ..." and "Isn't that typical of a ..." are examples of lead-in phrases to stereotyping. Some characteristics are more applicable to some members than others. Some members of a group will exhibit more, or perhaps none, of the assigned characteristics when they are viewed as individuals and without the filter of stereotype.

By the time we reach adulthood, we frequently engage in stereotyping. It is something we do
effortlessly and often unconsciously. It is a matter again of trying to cope with and simplify the
immense amount of data that is available to us. It also seems that, once we hold particular
stereotypes, we tend to selectively perceive and make note of behaviors, even isolated ones, to
justify our stereotypical beliefs. We tend to look for little things that justify our assumptions.

Some of the ways we organize perceptions are based in part on our personal cultural experiences,
which help establish our views of what is correct and incorrect. From there, it's an easy step to
make judgments about the behaviors of members of other cultures. When they behave in ways that conform to our own cultural experiences and beliefs, they are right and are acting appropriately. When they do something contradictory to what we believe, then they are wrong and should make changes or be accommodating. You can see the potential for intercultural misunderstandings.

The study of human behavior involves both deductive and inductive reasoning. The observations,
insights and theories that result are shared as generalizations. Any given generalization will apply to many or most, but not all, of us at any given time. Even in describing typical patterns and styles related to communication, we are walking that fine line between generalizing and stereotyping. However, a sprinkling of qualifiers can help keep us on the side of generalization.

Perceptual Punctuation. Another way people organize relational information when communicating is called punctuation. Think of how we use the punctuation marks on a page, such as commas, periods, colons and question marks, to organize and emphasize groups of words and comprehend meanings. For example, the punctuation in a series of numbers, 3211234, enables us to easily distinguish a telephone number, 321-1234, from a few million dollars, $3,211,234.

Similarly, punctuation in the perception process makes it possible for us to detect patterns n data
and interpret meanings in communication. These patterns, although more individualized and less
universally applied than grammatical punctuation, add meanings and insights.

Communication theorists use the term punctuation to describe how we classify interactions in terms of cause and effect. The way a person punctuates a communication sequence affects its perceived meaning, and differences in punctuation can lead to misunderstandings.

A classic example of this is a running argument between a husband and wife, with the husband
claiming that he withdraws because the wife nags while the wife contends that she nags because the husband withdraws. The husband and wife punctuated their perceptions differently because they perceive different starting points for their interactions.

As you may recall from childhood arguments about "who started it," finger pointing and trying to
assign blame usually makes things worse. In most cases, it's more productive to recognize a dispute involves differences in punctuation and then focus on negotiating a common punctuation and what can be done to make things better.

Perceptual Superimposing and Closure. Superimposing and closure work together as an
organizational method to deal with partial impressions. When the picture of a person is incomplete, we superimpose a pattern or structure in order to classify the person on the basis of information that we do have. We fill in the gaps to achieve closure.

For example, this may happen when we first meet someone who looks and acts like somebody we already know. Based on the person we already know, we superimpose attributes and fill in the gaps about our new acquaintance in an attempt to get a picture of who the person is. Superimposing our assumptions and bringing closure helps us deal with the uncertainty we experience in getting acquainted with someone new. However, we run the risk of oversimplifying and making incorrect assumptions.

Perceptual Rules. A fourth way of organizing perceptions is by perceptual rules (Devito, zoe 1 ).
These are not actually rules, but rather sorting parameters used to group people and data. These
rules sort perceptions based on some fairly simple but often irrelevant factors. Commonly used rules include the following:

Proximity Rule. Things that are physically close to one another constitute a unit. Thus, people who are often together or messages that are spoken one right after the other may be perceived as
units and as belonging together.

Temporal Rule Things occurring together in time belong together. Using this rule, verbal and
nonverbal signals sent at about the same time are viewed as related and constitute a unified whole.

Similarity Rule. Things that are physically similar or that look alike belong together and form a unit. This rule leads to assumptions that people who dress alike, who work at the same jobs, who are of the same religion, or who talk with the same accent belong together.

Contrast Rule Things that are very different from each other do not belong together. People or
messages that contrast too much in our estimation are seen as too different to be part of the same
unit. For example, a non-literate adult who is learning to read doesn't seem to belong in a second
grade classroom with small children who are at the same reading level, although certainly there is nothing wrong with it. It is simply too big of a contrast for most people to accept.

Everyone relies on shortcuts. Without them, we would be unable to generalize or draw conclusions, and our previously acquired knowledge would be of lit tie use in the perception process. The four organizational approaches can aid in the task of organization but we must keep in mind that they also can lead us astray.

Stage 3: Interpretation

Once we select and organize stimuli that come to us through our perceptions, we're ready to make sense of them. Interpretation is the process of decoding and evaluating the sensory data and
perceptions for personal meaning. In the course of interpreting, we also make judgments.

Interpretation plays a role in virtually all our interpersonal actions. In fact, we at tach meaning to
everything we observe. Through our own recurring experiences and what we learn from others
(socialization), we attribute meanings to particular stimuli. Some meanings are fairly standard but others are much more personal.

For instance, if you're talking with someone you don't know well and that person stands very close to you and gestures expressively, what is your reaction and interpretation? If you're shaking hands with people at a gathering and you encounter someone who appears frail and weak, what might you assume and do? If you sit down and relax in a shopping mall, you might engage in "people watching." What is it that you tend to notice about individuals and what meanings do you give to your observations?

Selection and organization are major factors affecting interpretation. Yet, other factors are at work as well, leading us to interpret a person's behavior in one way or another. Here are six factors that can affect our perceptual interpretations (Adler, et. al., 2004).

Degree of involvement We tend to view people with whom we have or seek a relationship more
favorably than people we observe from a more distant or detached viewpoint.

Relational satisfaction Behaviors that seem positive when you are happy in a relationship mcy seem completely different when you are dissatisfied with the relationship. Not surprisingly, it follows that when things go wrong in an unsatisfying relationship, partners are more likely to blame each other than are couples who are happy in their relationships.

Past experience The experiences you had in past situations will influence how you interpret current ones, especially if they are similar. For example, suppose you had several experiences in your classes when people were friendly and then made it a habit of slacking off during group assignments or perhaps wanted to copy your work. It would be natural for you to be suspicious about the friendliness of future classmates.

Assumptions about human nature The beliefs, notions and opinions you hold about the nature of
human behavior influences how you interpret: specific actions and interactions. An obvious example is the different interpretations you would likely make if you view humans as inherently good as opposed to basically evil, or perhaps both or neither.

Expectations Optimistic or pessimistic expectations regarding an interaction or a relationship can
impact the way you interpret events that take place or how things go. A person who approaches a
job interview with negative expectations may be more inclined to view the interviewer’s questions and comments as discouraging.

Knowledge of others Knowledge of things that are happening in people's lives or about their typical interaction patterns can lead to more understanding and sensitive interpretations of their behaviors. When you're interacting with a friend, for instance, and know that he or she recently experienced a death in the family, your interpretations of certain behaviors may incline you to be compassionate and sympathetic. Not knowing information about someone can also make a difference, as we may not give people as much leeway or benefit of any doubt.

Although we have presented selection, organization, and interpretation as three separate and
consecutive phases of the perception process, they can take place in other sequences as well.
Here are some examples of different perception sequences.

Suppose that your past interpretations of a particular individual's actions influence your future selection of stimuli regarding that person. Subsequently, your organization of later events determine how you perceive and respond to this person.
- Past interpretation' "She's nothing but trouble because she so unreliable."
- Selection' Behaviors that seem to verify this notion become especially noticeable to you. "She
got to the meeting late this morning and was lost in the early discussion."
- Organization' "The next time she's given an assignment, she's not going to fellow through and
I don't want to work with her."

In another situation, you might have classified (organization) a man's behavior and interaction style. When his behavior changes rather dramatically, your interpretation is tempered by knowledge that you have about his life. Your ~. perhaps as a friend, influences your selection process and attentiveness to his behavior.
- Organization: "He is an outgoing and extroverted person."
- Interpretation: "He's sad and upset lately because his father is in the hospital."
- Motive: "I want to be a supportive and caring friend."
- Selection: "I noticed that he's been rubbing his forehead a lot this afternoon and staring more
out the window.
- Interpretation: Something is bothering him."

As you can see, perception is an ongoing affair in which it's difficult to pin down beginnings and
endings. And, of course, this is just as true with other aspects of communication processes.

Stage 4: Retrieval and Use

The information that has been selected, organized and interpreted through the perception process
may be used right away in an interpersonal interaction or stored in memory for use later. Like a
computer, we create mental files, some of which are on the desktop for ready use and others buried in folders that lie dormant. We store our perceptions of the people we interact with frequently, over time and in various social situations. The files we choose to work with, at a high or low level of awareness, influence our interpersonal communication.

We also modify our mental files as we process new input, which may also influence how we recall stored information. We don't simply reproduce what we have seen and heard. We reconstruct the different pieces of information into a whole that is meaningful to us.

Our reconstructions are based on the methods we originally used, the factors that influenced us, as well as the errors we made in selecting, organizing and interpreting our perceptions. What we
remember about individuals and experiences, then, is likely to be different from what someone else remembers.