Thread 101: Stories 31-45

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>Dash
"LD"
~~~~

>...Huhhh...

"What's wrong, boss?"

>Weirdly?... Nothing.

"Huh?"

>Nothing, nothing is wrong.

"Oh. Well, neat I guess-"

>So now it's going to explode.

"Wha... what is?"

>It. It's going to explode.

"Boss, I don't know what you mean-"

>It's going to explode now, because everything is fine. And when everything is fine, something has to explode.

"I'm... I am so lost..."

>IT'S GOING TO EXPLODE!

"WHAT IS!?"

>I DON'T KNOW! But everything is fine, stuff is working like it should, but I know I haven't done everything. I personally did not do ever single thing, but it's working, THAT MEANS IT'S GOING TO EXPLODE!

"What is!?"

>I DON'T KNOOOOOW!

CRASH!

"...Uh... is... is she going to do this every time something good happens? Because-"

POP!

"GAH!... Oh, whoops, just stepped on a chip bag. Was that... was that it? Dash? Was that it? DASH?... Huh. Annnd, doing more of her stuff... oh yeah, she's gonna be my BEST friend when this is all over...."

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OOCO?
>Spike
"???"
'???'
~~~

Would what he was doing be seen as a bit creepy to others, had they been outside looking in? Perhaps. But creep factor was, as always, second to the dragon code, that thing he made up and completely had control over, for no dragon he had ever met had any code whatsoever.

So, with that in mind, he bent the rules of said dragon code enough to say that investigating a possible breach of peace between ponies and changelings allowed for him to sneak around the back of someone's house. This was official royal duty, in fact! For if there was to be a collapse of the harmony of changelings and ponies, he was duty bound to nip it in the bud. Or, if this was yet another plot by Chrysalis, expose her and then laugh as she was chased out of the Empire and Equestria.

The laughing was not required, he was just going to do it.

He felt no shame on this matter.

Nor did he feel any shame as he shuffled along the edge of the building, blending in and going unseen by any as he made his way around to the back. His fin like protrusions twitched the further back he went, every step allowing him to hear more and more sounds going on inside of that building. Now, he was worried.

He recognized the effects of changeling draining, and any changeling who could send two guards hobbling off, tails between their legs was not something to take lightly. Nor was Seven, if indeed this was that ling, sloppy enough to let them walk away without being memory wiped unless he was damn sure there wasn't anything they could do about it. This house was clearly important, they had clearly been heading this way, and now it seemed Seven had defeated them and sent them packing as he made his way to this place in their stead. If he had been racing them, he could be in and out long before they could reach here or prove anything, if they even knew which changeling he was. Considering their appearance, he very much doubted that.

Not racist.

Closer and closer he shuffled, his 'ears' twitching all the way. More noises, clearly that of furniture being moved and objects being shifted around, mixed in with something... else. Something he couldn't make out or recognize, but that didn't matter in the least.

He knew Seven... sort of. At the very least, he didn't hold any ill will towards the guy. In fact, he kind of liked him if he was being perfectly honest, he seemed pretty loyal, he didn't seem to want to take things too far regardless of orders, and he had been helpful to Applejack in the past. All that combined with the fact he was understanding and held no grudge post 'the incident' meant that, bare minimum, he deserved the benefit of the doubt.

Admittedly, the benefit of the doubt with the qualifier he gets to bring Charity out just in case... to call for backup, obviously, not to shoot him. For the love of Celestia, not to shoot him.

Not again...

But this should be fine. If Seven was doing anything questionable, he would confront him, he would speak to him, and if need be he would call for backup and leave. No fuss, no muss, and certainly no bullets flying on his end. This was fine.

He just needed to sneak up to this window, bring Charity to his mouth to call for backup if need be, raise up, take a peak as to what was making all the noise and-

>... I have made a terrible mistake.

"Yes. You did."

A part of him was thankful. It was absolutely terrible to think, but a part of him was thankful.

He would be forever thankful that someone grabbed hold of him and carried him away and up into the air with the force of a gale hurricane before slamming him down hard on a rooftop. It would never get rid of the images of what Seven was doing to that mare in there out of his brain, but at the very least the torture of registering what he was seeing did not get a chance to eternally sink in.

The pain was worth it.

"Bad lizard."

>AHHH!

Sort of.

He had so little time to appreciate the new surroundings of the rooftop he was thrown on, high enough that only the highest flying pegasi would have a chance of spotting them. Not a second after he hit the ground, he found himself ponced upon by a massive black shape, a steel helmet on top gleaming in the sunlight. The claws of steel closed around his midsection, so massive they practically covered his entire stomach, and squeezed inwards. His body was tough, as any dragons should be, but the sensation of being a toothpaste tube was universal.

No matter how he twitched or struggled, the claw on his side would not let him twist his wrist even an inch, Charity pointed harmlessly off to the side and unable to be used. His first instinct, to activate the call on it, came quickly.

The painful, agonizing twist of his wrist was even quicker. She clattered to the ground, useless.

"Who you working for?"

The voice was gruff, yet there was a distinct femininity to it beneath the harsh growls. There was power in that voice, every bit as much as the strength holding him upwards like a toy.

There was danger as it squeezed his midsection, and he could practically feel his organs collapse. The claw holding his arm released, bringing a sharp and dangerous metal talon to his face.

"WHO YOU WORK FOR!?"

>Equestria... you bitch.

His jaw snapped open wide, and green flames began to rise.

"At least me not lizard!"

Steel wrapped itself around his head like a living spider, clamping his mouth shut just before the flames could make their way out. They shot freely from his nose, unable to affect the gauntlet holding his face, but choking him as they literally took the breath from his lungs. He found himself gagging and wheezing as the flame backfired down the wrong pipe, feeling like he was drowning on dry land.

With two orbs of green bearing down on him, barely visible through the massive gryphon-head helmet, his world began to swirl in black.

"Tell."

The grip atop his head and beneath his jaw squeezed, the claw unable to pierce the flesh of scales, but more than able to dig in.

"Who. You. Work. For?"

'A-HEM!'

Both parties panicked, surprise obvious on either face as they spun around to meet the new voice who had joined the fray without being heard.

'I do believe that would be me... darling.'

White wings flared out, and just a touch of magic glimmered upon an equally alabaster horn.

"...How?"

'Oh, come now. Didn't you know I designed that little device over there? Well, the magics in it on any note. Of course I can tell when it suddenly goes several dozen feet into the air, when it certainly should not be up that high. Why, how silly would I be if I did not prepare for that? With so many who can fly, one can never be too careful.'

A snarl resounded in the helmet as her new foe began to pace, flippantly tossing lavender hair without a single care.

'Now, you have exactly two options. One, drop my Spike-Wikey, or two, I make you regret it. Do be a darling and make a choice?'

"...What?"

'Very well, if that's what you wish.'

The shape atop the dragon had only a second to leap away before a host of needles shot it's way, each one precisely aimed for vital organs. But, it appeared that the considerable size of the one who had attacked him did not indicate speed in the least. Far faster than any could have expected, the brute did indeed jump away, gone too quickly to so much as be hit with a single prick.

Regardless...

'Well! You must be a lady, only a lady would change her mind so abruptly.'

The figure rose to it's full, quite considerable height, black cloak silhouetting it against Celestia's sun. Smoothly, it moved into an unnatural looking fighting stance, silver claws gleaming in the light.

'Oh, so it's going to be like that, is it? Oh, I do so hate physical violence, but I'm in such a foul mood now... Spikey-Wikey? Are you okay?'

He was still trying to do a combination of getting breath back into his lungs, decompressing his internal organs and picking his jaw up off the floor, but at the very least he managed a thumbs up.

'Marvelous! Join us when you get the chance. Unless I deal with this ruffian by myself in the meantime... a very large possibility, I should note.'

She summoned them, tiny needles she had moved a thousand times to make a thousand dresses, each one beckoning to her call.

'Shall we begin?'

"...Me have no idea who you are..."

'...That is a yes.'

Was it petty to immediately go for the eyes? Yes.

Did the Princess of Spite care one little bit?... Not at all.

The battle had begun.

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>SA
"Cadence"
~~

Mornings.

Mornings are the best time of the day. Because there's no worries, there's no fighting, there's no paperwork, there's no responsibility, there's no nothing. It's just him, his big old bed, and the many individuals in his life that make it worth waking up to.

He appreciated them, every single one. Of course he did, he couldn't imagine life without them anymore. They'd become such a fixture that if any one of them left, he'd not know what to do with his time. He really did care about every single one of the various ones that had taken space in his bed, and in his heart.

But then again, there was always that one special piece. No matter how many others he made room for in his heart, there was just one who always, always, had one special part that could not be matched or compared. That part was, quite obviously, the love of his life he had married.

He sought her out without ever opening his eyes, wrapping his hooves around her and dragging her close into his embrace. Her little spoon to his big one. He was ashamed of the slight ping of jealousy that spiked in his chest when he felt her wings on his chest, but like with all things they were quickly pushed aside. This was about him, and the pink colored mare he could not live without.

He shifted a bit, testing how deep into the bed he was... yep, it appeared it was just him and her, once again. Doubtlessly the others are all off on their own little missions, their own lives, off to do their own things. A quick shuffle and he was sure, it was just him, and her.

He breathed in deep, recognizing the scent immediately. Slowly, his hips closed in, connecting with her, and he felt her stir ever so slightly. It was slightly later then normal today with them still in bed.

Maybe, with Two no doubt already on her way to school...

His chin shifted over her neck, and his grip tightened ever so slightly.

Maybe he could talk her into a little-

"Mmm... morning Shiny."

>...Morning Eighteen.

He tried to conceal the terror gripping his heart as she stirred, his grip right away loosening immensely, much to her slowly waking regret.

"Awww, I liked that."

>H-heh, sorry. Was... uh, wasn't awake. You, um... you're...

"Hm?... OH LOVE DAMN IT!"

He always wondered why her transformation flames didn't burn, but now he just plain couldn't think about it.

"Sorry."

>No, uh... no worries! I knew it was you.

"...r-really?"

Yes, he screamed internally as he nodded. Really. Really is what he was going with.

"Oh... o-okay!"

She shuffled up, her eyes trailing over to him in an instant.

"Did you want to, um... continue?"

>...OH! Oh, that wasn't... you know... Actually, I had better get to work, I just wanted to sleep in-

"Right! Right right right, of course, and obviously you know anyone could walk i-not that this is a problem because Caddy said okay and she's okay and HOLY LOVE WHAT TIME IS THAT!?"

>Uh-

"Gotta go love you Shiny! BYE!"

She beat a hasty retreat, gone before he could even blink.

>...Whelp.

He tried to scrub the images from his brain, tried to burn the thoughts that had betrayed him. There was nothing more to be done.

He awkwardly made his way to the shower, and turned on the coldest blast his castle could provide.

He let it hit him, and tried not to think about the fact he had wanted to say yes.

>...What the fuck happened to my life?

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 >Chrysalis
"Spitfire"
~~~

>...Where the hell did he end up?

"I have no idea, he's on his way to the gryphons but keeps getting distracted."

>Huh... so-

"So he's just kinda wandering about."

>I'm starting to think that this being of fire and insanity isn't quite as dangerous as he looks.

"Yeah, he's not exactly shaking the heavens here."

>...Still, we need to consider blowing him up.

"What!? WHY!?"

>To see what happens.

"..."

>...You want to see it too, don't you?

"...shut up."

>...We're not actually going to blow him up unless we need to-

"DAMN!"

>...

"I mean, smart. Very smart."

>...

"Shut up."

>...I like you.

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>Luna
"29"
'Trixie'
~~~

>This next test will be quite the challenging one, I'm afraid. If thee wishes to back out now, we will not blame thee-

"Done."

Without another word, he daintily spun on his heels, and walked off.

>...

'...Is... is he coming back?'

>...

'It's just, Trixie is all for this, she needs to know if he needs to be here.'

>...

'...Teacher? Uh... Trixie will do it.'

>...BLAST! The bug saw through us this time! We shall have to be more clever about it if we are to outwit him into humiliating himself for our amusement.

'Oh... Oh! This was a trick for him! Clever, Teacher! Trixie applauds you, even she was totally fooled!'

>This will be quite difficult... but no matter, we shall achieve it!

'Do you want Trixie to do anything? She will!'

>Yess...

'Ah ha! We knew you would need Trixie! Anything you want, she'll do!'

>That will do nicely.

'...what? Trixie does not understa-'

>AHAHAH! That shall do nicely! AWAY!

With glee, she shot up into the air, gone like the night at daybreak.

'...OH! Trixie needs to... figure it out? That seems like what you want Trixie to do. Okay! Trixie shall figure it out! Have no fear! The GREAT and POWERFUL Trixie shall figure this out in no time!... yep... in no time...'

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OOCO
>AJ
"SA"
'Dash'
~~~

>...Well one of us is gonna have ta' change.

"Clearly."

'Ahem, Shiny-ass? She's talking about you.'

"Nevah."

>Shiny, ya' need ta'-

"NEVAH!"

'Where did you even get that?'

"Cadence's closet."

>Well, glad ta' see ya' finally brought somethin' outta the closet.

"Ah hah, ah hah, gayjokes. Classy! Really classy of you. Nothing worse than calling a straight stallion, and I am one hundred percent straight thank you, a homosexual. This is why you need to change, that's too classy for you."

>This is too classy. This. Ya' see, now Ah'm just thinkin' ya' need ta' change outta pity. At least Ah' know it's a joke.

'Can both of you change? I no longer feel comfortable with you wearing this as well. This was supposed to be my thing.'

>"NEVAH!"

'FINE!... Fine. We'll ALL go to the party wearing it, but if anyone asks-'

>"I did it first.... I DID!"

'...Let's just go.'

They humphed, but nonetheless nodded.

As one, they straightened their neon fur coats, adjusted the feather in their pink hats, and made sure their sunglasses were on straight before they walked out, canes tapping on the floor with every step.

Every one of them thinking they were going to slap a bitch if this happened again.

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>AJ
"Sunset"
'Lings'
[??]
~~~

"We have a problem."

>OH FOR THE LOVE O' APPLES, WHAT? What did they do!?

"It's not what they did, it's what they do."

>...This here's onna them riddles, ain't it? Fair warinin', Ah've slapped ponies fer' less.

"It's just... look, you told me to find a way to calm them down, right?"

>Ah' said try, fair warnin' Ah' had no hope of success in this. This was a mission Ah' was ready ta' see fail.

"Heartbreaking! But... well, look. This is them normal.

'Does anyone know how cameras work? I swear this thing is made of witchcraft- MY EYES!'

'BURN THE WITCH!'

'Memoriiiizzziiiinnnnggggg...'

'I'm just gonna make some booties. Everyone okay with that? I'm gonna do it anyway, please don't get mad.'

'FACEPUNCH!'

'NO FAIR! I turned the other cheek!'

'You fool!'

>...Yeah, that's about what Ah' expect.

"Right, but then... Hey! Guys!... BLEND IN!'

Flame after flame after flame shot up, and soon there stood before the two ponies... ponies.

A normal crowd of ponies. Easily mingling in with the others, not causing a stir, not looking anything out of the ordinary or out of place. They simply were.

>...huh...

"Right, but then... change back!"

FWOOSH!

'Your queen was an anteater!'

'MY QUEEN WAS A... well, she was actually way worse than what you said, so I'm going with it.'

"Blend in!"

FWOOSH!

'...Nice day out.'

'It is!'

"Change back!"

FWOOSH!

'MEMORIZING!'

'Memorize my FACEPUNCH!'

'Hey! Only Suckerpunch can do that!'

>...

"It gets weirder."

>Ah'... Ah' don't wanna know how...

"...BLEND IN!"

FWOOSH!

"Ahem... come on every pony-"

'''''''SMILE SMILE SMILLE FILL MY HEART UP WITH SUNSHINE SUNSHINE ALL I REALLY NEED'S A SMILE SMILE SMILE FOR THESE HAPPY FRIENDS OF MIIINEEEE~!'''''

>...m-maybe Pinkie taught 'em that?

"Try one."

>...Ahem, Ah'll earn a lot of money for the Apple Family-

''''''All our dreams and our hopes from now until hereafter all that we've been wishing for will happen at the Gala, at the Gala!''''

>...Maybe they heard o' it? They... they were probably around the area, like... infiltratin'?

"It gets really weird."

>How.

"Do another one."

>...Ah'm afraid.

"Do it."

>...Uh-

[Darling, I have this one. Here's one they couldn't possibly know!... Piece by piece, snip by snip-]
'Croup, dock, haunch, shoulders, hip!'
[Thread by thread, primmed and pressed!]
'Yard by yard, never stressed!'
['And that's the art of the dress!']

[...]

'...uh-'

[W-well, it is Arana, she's probably heard a line or two. That makes sense!]

>...

"...do it...'

>Ah'm afraid.

"Do it!"

>....We're apples to the core-

''''''''WE'RE FAMILY AND SO MUCH MOOOOOOOOOOOREEEE!''''''

>...How did ya' know that song.

'''''...Uh-"'''

>How did ya' know? HOW DID YA' KNOW!? HOW DID YA' KNOW HOW DID YA' KNOW!?

'She's onto us!'

'Onto what!? I don't know, it just came over me!'

'Who cares! CHEESE IT!'

>HOW DID YA' KNOW HOW DID YA' KNOW!?

"This has backfired horribly."

[...So just for the record I sounded better, right?]

>HOWDIDYA'KNOWHOWDIDYA'KNOWHOWDIDYA'KNOOOOWWWW!?

"..."

[Not the time, right.]

>HOOOWWWWWWWWWWW!?

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OOCO
>AJ
"Rarity"
'Celestia'
~~~~

>...Princess of... Dresses?

"That's stupid!"

'Princess of... fashion?'

"Are you even trying!?"

>...Princess o' makeup?

"You're just naming me princess of vain and superficial things!"

'...oh! Princess of Vanity!'

>Ah' like that one, think it fits.

"WHAT!?"

'Princess Rarity, of Vanity!'

>It even rhymes! Zecora will be happy.

"OH SCREW YOU BOTH!"

STOMPSTOMPSTOMPSTOMP!
SLAM

>...Think we went too far?

'You tell me, Princess of Apples.'

>Pfft.

'...'

>...That's not mah' real title, right?

'...'

>Celly? That's not Mah' real title, right!?

'...'

>RIGHT!?

'...Bye!'

>YA'LL GET YER' BIG WHITE ASS BACK HERE RIGHT NOW!

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OOCO
>AJ
"SA"
~~

>...Are ya'll okay?

"No."

>Oh, okay. Ya' need a minute?

"Yes."

>... Not fer' nothin', but how long ya' gonna be?

"A while."

>It's just, yer' usin' up all mah... cold water? Did Ah' already run outta the hot stuff?

"Wouldn't know, haven't used it."

>...Come again?

"She walked around in a silk robe, AJ."

>Ah.

"She walked around in a silk robe, gave me this 'look', and then she just went 'oh! I have to go get my hooves done!' And Cadence was off! She was just off."

>Ahhhh... so why are ya' here?

"MY CASTLE RAN OUT OF WATER."

>Sounds like it.

"..."

>...Yer' gonna catch hypothermia.

"I am way too hot and bothered for that to happen."

>... This is makin' me uncomfortable.

"I'm trying to hide it."

>Ya' ain't succeedin'.

"..."

>...Ah'll... Ah'll go use Celly's bathroom.

"Thank you."

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>Guard
"???"
~~~

>...Siiiggghhh... I knew it was too good to be true... I knew I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up... it just want's meant to be.

"OR WAS IT!?"

>GASP! Can... can it be!?

"I snuck back through the portal."

>So... so-

"Sooo... COMING AT YOU LIVE!"

>IT'S FUZZY AND THE BUZZ!

~Fuzzy and Buzz in the Morning, 97.1!~
~I feel happpyyyy!~

"Top news story toDAY! Princess Applejack, one time arm breaker and twenty four seven ball buster, has begun a pilgrimage across Canterlot and Ponyville!"

~On the road again, I can't wait to get on the road again!~

>The intention, as stated by the princess, is to further help changelings and ponies get along.

~Why can't we be frieeends, why can't we be friends?~

"Though the princess is hopeful, preliminary results are a little strained. Still! We all hope that our listeners out there will hear her out."

>Worked out great for me!

~Ebony, ivory, living in perfect harmony!~

>And just to quell any fears, I assure you, Buzz is as bad at picking up mares as any of you.

"Except Fuzzy, I'm marginally better than him. She almost looked at me one time!"

>OHHHHHH

~Just keep moving, he doesn't see us.~

"But in other news, the Wonderbolts new costumes are looking good! And lightning proof, I hear!"

>So, sadly, Buzz can no longer use his line that they're 'shockingly hot'. Reducing his number of available pickup lines to three. His number of pickup lines that work remain unchanged at zero.

"OHHHHHH!"

~I wanna touch yer' butt...~

>That's our show for you today, and we'll keep you up to date as the trek develops!

"So stay tuned, Fuzzy and Buzz are back on the air and they aren't going anywhere!"

~They may take our lives, but they'll never take, OUR FREEDOM!~

>Great to be back.

"GOODNIGHT!"

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OOCO
>AJ
"Celestia"
~~~

>Hey, Celly? Gotta question.

"And I have LASERHORNS!"

SHOOM!

>...

"...Damn. Didn't even blink."

>Nope. Anyway, Ah' was wonderin', what're the odds we've got Changelings still minglin' hidden in cities?

"Chrysalis said she was the last Queen."

>Yeah but... what if they were like on a mission, their queen died, and they just decided ta' stick around? When news got out they were bein' kept in a ballroom or she was bein' attacked, they wouldn't be too keen ta' join up. They could still be there.

"...Huh..."

>...

"...huh..."

>..Anyone could be a changelin', and we'd never know.

"We'd never know."

>...

"..."

>...

>"...NGH!"

ZAP!

>"OW!... Okay, so you're NOT a changeling."

"That aside, you're not planning to shoot everybody once just to be sure, right?"

>...Are ya' not?

"..."

>...

"..."

ZAP!

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OOCO
>Twilight
"Chrysalis"
'AJ'
~~~

>I'm starting to think you're doing this to annoy me.

"...Wait, shit, are you not talking about me for once!?"

>Surprisingly no.

'That there is hurtful.'

"HEY!"

'Stand by it.'

>I mean, seriously. You want me to figure out a way to turn patches of EVERFREE into farmable land?

'Well, we do have a food problem...'

"I don't."

'We all can't live off love, Buggo.'

"HAH! Musical references."

>What?... Nevermind. Point is, Everfree soil is jut too wild for us to control. Not to mention, oh, the MONSTERS.

'...Ah was thinkin' about a-'

>No.

'...It seems like it would be solved by a-'

"Don't even say it."

'...It's just a dang fence-'

"HAH!"

>Because that worked SO WELL last time... Zecora still has crud on her lawn.

'Ah' got them more educated on tha-... no, wait, Ah' didn't.'

>...

"..."

'...This mess may be bigger than common sense can handle.'

"HAH!"

'Bout sums it up, really.'

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

OOCO
>Dash
"AJ"
'???'
~~~

"... Please tell me there's a reason."

>I can't prove who did it.

"Is... is that the reason yer' covered in ink?"

>You know, next time I get a package labeled 'cookies, from Spike', I'm gonna have someone else open it.

"...Who, exactly, hates ya' enough ta' cover ya in-"

SPLAT!

"TARNATION! MAH' EYES!"

'MEEP MEEP!'

ZOOM!

>...

"...was... was that Spitfire!?"

>Sadly, I did not get a good look, and she doubtlessly prepared an alibi in advance.

"Oh applesauce, Ah'm covered in ink! This is never gonna get outta mah... mah..."

sniff.

"...did... did she..."

>Right into the ink?... Yes, she did.

"...a-ah'll never be clean again."

>Join the club.

'Hoo ha ha ha ha! Hoo ha ha ha ha! HEHEHHEHEE!'

ZOOM!

>...

"...I-it's in my eeeyes."

>It's in our soul, AJ... it's in our soul.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

OOCO
>AJ
“Spike”
‘???’
____

“Okay. Okay, I get it. Really, I do. You think I don’t, but I do. And it’s dangerous. More dangerous than Big Mac in a dress.”

>…Unnecessary jibe there, but nevermind that. Ah’ll be fine, sugar, go on!

“Nuuuuupe. Shan’t. That’d hurt my applebutt and I don’t want a hurt applebutt because then I’d hurt.”

>…Aw.

“Yup.”

>…Do it!

“Nope.”

>Pleeeeease? Ah’ wanna see how strong Ah’ve gotten! C’mon, loverboy!

“There are literally a bunch of other ways to figure that out. Other safer ways. …Other non-lethally ways.”

>…

“No.”

>…*wibble*

“OH FUCK YOU NO NO NO YOU DO NOT PULL THAT ON M-”

>*wibble* *wibble*

“FAUST ABOVE NOT A DOUBLE WIBBLE! FINE!”

>Hawh, love ya’, sugarcane.

“Yeah, yeah, you cheatin’ little… alright, stand over there.”

>Standin’!

“Ready?”

>Ready!

“Annnnnd you’re sure you can do this?”

>More sure than yer’ love of mah’ rump, loverboy.

“…Guess I’ll unf at that later. Okay. Okay, okay, okay, on three… two… ONE!

*click!*

*BANG!*

*thump*

'Wow.'

“…She… sh-she didn’t deflect that.”

‘Noooope, she sure didn’t.’

“I… I-”

‘There’s no need to fret, Spike dear. She’s an alicorn, thus immortal. That bullet to the dome equates to just under about two weeks rest.’

“…Oh.”

‘Yeah, not the brightest moment of her life, I’ll admit. But then again it seems all my students have rather eccentric lapses of sense. Every other day.’

“…”

‘No time for dillydallying and looking dim, dear. Help me get her back behind her desk. Even unconscious, she’s going to sign those damn forms.’

“R-right, ‘Tia.”

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OOCO
>AJ
“Shiny”
____

>Ya know, Ah’ got up this mornin’ thinkin’ to mahself ‘self, yer’ finally gonna be able to enjoy yer’ own bathroom fer’ once!’ but then… haaa, but then, Ah’ get up, get here, an’ there y’all are. Huddled in the tub. My tub. Again.

“Smells like apples.”

>HEY!

“That’s a compliment. Smells like a sweet apple, whichever those are. The gala ones, I think? Yeah, those.”

>Oh… well… thanks?

“Welcome.”

>…

“…”

>…Ah’m sorely tempted to jus’ blindfold ya’ an’ get on with mah shower.

“Hey, don’t let me stop you.”

>Yer’ gonna get wet.

“That might help with the soreness.”

>What… what soreness?

“I don’t know why but for some strange reason Caddy chose this morning to bust out the birthday lingerie I got her a year ago. Just… slipped it on and started dancing all over the floor.”

>Okay, and? What's the big-

“Then the bed.”

>Still not seein' the-

“Then me.”

>…Oooooh.

“Then proceeded to laugh and leave for a playdate with Two.”

>…Without botherin' to offer ya-

“Not even a single glance back."

>Ouch.

>She knows what the fraggle-naggle she’s doing….”

>…Welp, to avoid gettin’ poked in the eye, Ah’mma jus’ let y’all have the tub this one time. Ah’ll, uh… yeah. Bye!

SLAM!

“…Not even 42’s beatdowns hurt this bad.”

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