Coffee-a-tron 9001

--- xXm0dzXx Default Programming API ---
-- All my programs will have this :DD --
----------------------------------------

local x,y = term.getSize()

local function cPrint( txt ) --Version 2.0 of cPrint
	local function printC( text )
		x2,y2 = term.getCursorPos()
		term.setCursorPos(math.ceil((x / 2) - (text:len() / 2)), y2)
		write(text.. "\n")
	end

	if type(txt) == "string" then
		printC( txt )
	elseif type(txt) == "table" then
		for i=1,#txt do
			printC( txt[i] )
		end
	end
end

local drawingBoard = {
	["A"] = colors.white,
	["B"] = colors.orange,
	["C"] = colors.magenta,
	["D"] = colors.lightBlue,
	["E"] = colors.yellow,
	["F"] = colors.lime,
	["G"] = colors.pink,
	["H"] = colors.gray,
	["I"] = colors.lightGray,
	["J"] = colors.cyan,
	["K"] = colors.purple,
	["L"] = colors.blue,
	["M"] = colors.brown,
	["N"] = colors.green,
	["O"] = colors.red,
	["P"] = colors.black,
}

local function advWrite( pos1, pos2, str )
	for i=1,#str do
		local symb = drawingBoard[ string.sub( str, i, i) ]
		term.setCursorPos( pos1 + (i-1) , pos2 )
		if symb then
			term.setBackgroundColour( symb )
			write(" ")
		end
	end
end

local function setBG( col, colz )
	term.setBackgroundColour( col )
	term.clear()
	term.setCursorPos(1,1)
	term.setTextColour( colz )
end

local function getLines( path )
	local tLines = {}
	local file = fs.open( path, "r" )
	if file then
		line = file.readLine()
		while line do
			tLines[ #tLines+1 ] = line
			line = file.readLine()
		end
		file.close()
	end

	return tLines
end

-- End of API --

local x, y = term.getSize()

function start()
	term.setBackgroundColor( colours.black )
	term.setTextColor( colours.green )

	term.setCursorPos(1,1)
	term.clear()

	textutils.slowPrint("Hello! My name is Coffee-a-tron, model 9000.")
	textutils.slowPrint("How may I help you?")
	local input = read()

	if string.upper( input ) == input and input ~= "" and input ~= " " and input ~= nil then
		textutils.slowPrint("...")
		textutils.slowPrint("Calculating...")
		textutils.slowPrint("CAPITAL LETTERS DETECTED")
		textutils.slowPrint("WHY ARE WE SCREAMING?")
		term.setCursorBlink( true )
		sleep( 0.3 )
		term.setCursorBlink( false )
		print()
		textutils.slowPrint("TOO SLOW!")
		textutils.slowPrint("YOU NE.e.A")
		sleep(3)

		for i=1,5 do
			for i=1,20 do
				for i=1,10 do
					term.setCursorPos( math.random( x ), math.random( y-1 ) )
					local color = math.random( 1, 5 )
					if color == 1 then
						term.setTextColour( colors.white )
					elseif color == 2 then
						term.setTextColour( colors.green )
					elseif color == 3 then
						term.setTextColour( colors.red )
					elseif color == 4 then
						term.setTextColour( colors.lime )
					else
						term.setTextColour( colors.blue )
					end
					write("ERROR")
				end

				sleep(0)
			end
		end

		sleep(5)

		term.setBackgroundColour( colors.black )
		term.setTextColour( colors.red )

		local shouldPause = 0

		for i=1,x do
			for j=1,y do
				term.setCursorPos( i, j )
				write(" ")
				shouldPause = shouldPause +1

				if shouldPause == 2 then
					shouldPause = 0
					sleep(0)
				end
			end
		end

		term.setCursorPos( 1, 5 )
		cPrint("I'm sorry william, I cannot let you do that.")

		sleep( 3 )

		term.clear()
		term.setCursorPos( 1, 1 )

		term.setCursorBlink( false )

		textutils.slowPrint("Booting...")

		sleep( 2 )

		term.setTextColour( colors.orange )

		term.setCursorBlink( true )

		sleep( 5 )

		textutils.slowPrint("Forms FORM-2982781-12:")
		textutils.slowPrint("Test Assessment Report")
		sleep(0)
		print()
		sleep(0)
		print()
		sleep(0)

		textutils.slowPrint("This was a triumph.")
		textutils.slowPrint("I'm making a note here:")
		textutils.slowPrint("HUGE SUCCESS.")
		textutils.slowPrint("It's hard to overstate")
		textutils.slowPrint("my satisfaction.")
		textutils.slowPrint("Aperture Science")
		textutils.slowPrint("We do what we must")
		textutils.slowPrint("because we can.")
		textutils.slowPrint("For the good of all of us.")
		textutils.slowPrint("Except the ones who are dead.")
		print()
		textutils.slowPrint("But theres no sense crying over every mistake.")
		textutils.slowPrint("You just keep on trying")
		textutils.slowPrint("till you run out of cake.")
		textutils.slowPrint("And the Science gets done.")
		textutils.slowPrint("And you make a neat gun.")
		textutils.slowPrint("For the people who are")
		textutils.slowPrint("still alive.")
		sleep(0.5)

		term.clear()
		term.setCursorPos( 1, 1 )
		textutils.slowPrint("Forms FORM-55551-5:")
		textutils.slowPrint("Personnel File Addendum")
		print()
		sleep(0)
		textutils.slowPrint("Dear <<Subject Name Here>>,")
		print()
		sleep(0)
		textutils.slowPrint("I'm not even angry.")
		textutils.slowPrint("I'm being so sincere right now.")
		textutils.slowPrint("Even though you broke my heart.")
		textutils.slowPrint("And killed me.")
		textutils.slowPrint("And tore me to peices.")
		textutils.slowPrint("And threw every piece into a fire.")
		textutils.slowPrint("As they burned it hurt because")
		textutils.slowPrint("I was so happy for you!")
		textutils.slowPrint("Now these points of data")
		textutils.slowPrint("make a beautiful line.")
		textutils.slowPrint("And we're out of beta.")
		textutils.slowPrint("We're releasing on time.")
		textutils.slowPrint("So i'm GLaD. I got burned.")
		textutils.slowPrint("Think of all the things we learned")
		textutils.slowPrint("for the people who are")
		textutils.slowPrint("still alive.")
		sleep(0)
		print()
		sleep(1)

		term.clear()
		term.setCursorPos(1,1)
		textutils.slowPrint("Forms FORM-55551-6:")
		textutils.slowPrint("Personnel File Addendum Addendum:")
		print()
		sleep(0)
		textutils.slowPrint("One last thing:")
		print()
		sleep(0)
		textutils.slowPrint("Go ahead and leave me.")
		textutils.slowPrint("I think I prefer to stay inside.")
		textutils.slowPrint("Maybe you'll find someone else")
		textutils.slowPrint("to help you.")
		textutils.slowPrint("Maybe Black Mesa...")
		textutils.slowPrint("THAT WAS A JOKE. FAT CHANCE.")
		textutils.slowPrint("Anyway, this cake is great.")
		textutils.slowPrint("It's so delicious and moist.")
		textutils.slowPrint("Look at me still talking")
		textutils.slowPrint("When there's Science to do.")
		textutils.slowPrint("When I look out there,")
		textutils.slowPrint("it makes me GLaD I'm not you.")
		textutils.slowPrint("I've experiments to run.")
		textutils.slowPrint("There is research to be done.")
		textutils.slowPrint("On the people who are")
		textutils.slowPrint("still alive")
		print()
		sleep(0.5)

		term.setCursorPos(1,4)
		term.clear()
		textutils.slowPrint("PS: And belive me I'm")
		textutils.slowPrint("still alive.")
		textutils.slowPrint("PPS: I'm doing Science and I'm")
		textutils.slowPrint("still alive.")
		textutils.slowPrint("PPPS: I feel FANTASTIC and I'm")
		textutils.slowPrint("still alive.")
		print()
		sleep(0)
		textutils.slowPrint("FINAL THOUGHT:")
		textutils.slowPrint("While you're dying I'll be")
		textutils.slowPrint("still alive.")
		print()
		sleep(0)
		textutils.slowPrint("FINAL THOUGHT PS:")
		textutils.slowPrint("And when you're dead I will be")
		textutils.slowPrint("still alive.")
		print()
		print()
		sleep(0)
		textutils.slowPrint("STILL ALIVE")
		sleep(0.5)

		term.setCursorPos(1,1)
		term.clear()

		sleep(5)

		os.reboot()
	end

	textutils.slowPrint("I do not know what you just said, but I do not care either, because I am coffee-a-tron, and the only thing that I can do is make coffee")
	textutils.slowPrint("Creating coffee...")
	for i = 1,18/2 do
		textutils.slowWrite("..")
		sleep(1)

		if i == 4 then
			redstone.setOutput("back", true)
			sleep(0)
			redstone.setOutput("back", false)
		end
	end

	textutils.slowPrint("DONE!")
	sleep(3)
	start()
end

start()