Contact Information: Alanna McFall akmcfall@gmail.com (612)845-6014
Cast of Characters:
Hiiiii
By Alanna McFall
Gina- 20’s-30’s- Female- Any race- A young woman just returning to work after a hospitalization for self-harm.
Monica- Any age- Female- Any race- An overly concerned co-worker.
Louis- 20’s-30’s- Male- Any race- A panicky but well-intentioned co-worker. Dalia- 40’s-50’s- Female- Any race- A smothering co-worker.
Ricky- Any age- Male- Any race- Gina’s office buddy.
1

An office with five desks in an open-floor plan, a basic bland office with a lot of clutter and papers. MONICA stands next to one of the desks (Gina’s desk) clutching a potted plant. She looks hard at the desk, nervously tapping her fingers on the pot. LOUIS comes in to start his shift. MONICA quickly sits down at her own desk but keeps staring at Gina’s.
LOUIS Morning, Monica. How was your weekend?
MONICA
Louis! Louis, I need your help, get over here now.
LOUIS
What is it?
Monica thrusts the potted plant out towards him.
MONICA What does a potted plant say to you?
LOUIS
...Feed me, Seymour?
MONICA
No, like, what does it mean to you? What would you think if you
came into work and a potted plant was on your desk? Can it be a
supportive plant? Would you feel supported if you got this?
Louis takes the plant and holds it for a moment.
LOUIS Yeah, I guess I feel sort of supported.
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Okay, great.
MONICA
She snatches the plant back from him and carefully places it in the center of Gina’s desk. Louis watches her and realizes what is going on.
LOUIS Oh, god, this is Gina’s first day back?
MONICA
Yes, and I want her to feel very supported. Like we’re all here for
her. Like a...a flying buttress. Or a bra. LOUIS
Should I have brought something? Should I have brought a card or something? A balloon? What do people bring?
MONICA
That’s just what I was trying to figure out! Chocolate seemed all
wrong, but a batch of cookies, maybe? Casseroles are for funerals,
but she didn’t actually manage to-
Monica cuts off abruptly. Beat of awkward silence.
LOUIS
So should I go out and grab a card? Do they make “get well soon”
cards specifically for co-workers getting out of the hospital? MONICA
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Oh, you should get a big one that we can all sign! But what if Gina gets in before Ricky and Dalia? Would it be too weird to give it to her after lunch?
DALIA comes hurrying into the office with a covered casserole dish in her hands. She makes a beeline for Gina’s desk and sets the dish next to the potted plant.
DALIA
Oh god, the traffic was terrible, is she here already? You two, is
Gina vegetarian? I didn’t think so, but this hotdish is vegan and gluten-free, just in case. But I need to know for the next ones.
LOUIS
Is that a casserole?
MONICA Dalia, casseroles are for funerals!
DALIA
Oh my god...
Dalia seizes the dish back and puts it on her own desk.
DALIA
Thank you, thank you, I didn’t even think, I knew I should have
made cookies.
She takes off her coat and throws it over the casserole like it’s incriminating evidence.
MONICA
Louis is running out to grab a card, he could grab cookies too?
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LOUIS Right, right, that’s a good idea, I’ll do that.
DALIA No, you two need to help me first!
Dalia runs back over to Gina’s desk and starts grabbing all of the sharp objects off of her desk and cramming them into her pockets.
DALIA
Scissors, letter-openers, pencils, anything sharp in the office. I got a bunch of felt-tip pens to replace them with so she can still write.
My husband said crayons would be insulting. MONICA
Oh god, I didn’t even think of that, that could have been a
disaster.
Monica starts purging all the sharp objects from her own desk.
LOUIS
Should I have brought felt-tip pens? Would a real office-friend
have brought felt-tip pens? What else do I need, I’ve never done
this before?!
He starts clearing his desk in a panic.
DALIA
My daughter’s friend’s cousin had a- a similar- an incident like
this, and their family proofed their whole house.
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Louis holds up a stapler.
LOUIS Could she do anything with this?
MONICA
Like what?
Louis opens the stapler wide and motions like stapling his wrist.
DALIA
Oh god, could she?
LOUIS
I don’t know! I don’t know what the rules are and what’s okay
and- aw, screw it! I’m not risking it!
He hurls the stapler off-stage.
GINA (off-stage) Ow! Who’s throwing staplers?
MONICA
It’s her! There’s no time for a card, everyone sit down and don’t
look like you were talking about her! DALIA
Ricky’s desk!
Louis dashes across the room and sweeps everything from Ricky’s desk onto the floor. He then leans on it faux-casually. Monica and Dalia sit at their desks bolt upright and tense.
Gina enters the office. She looks tired, but smiles at her coworkers when she enters.
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Hi guys...I’m back.
Hiiiii.
GINA
DALIA, MONICA and LOUIS
DALIA We’re so, so, so happy to see you.
Dalia gets up and sweeps Gina into a big hug.
GINA Aw, thanks Dalia, I missed you guys.
Gina starts to pull away. Dalia doesn’t let go.
Um, Dalia, I need to-
Dalia lets her go and jumps away.
DALIA
Right, right, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to crowd or pressure you, I’ll
give you your space to breathe. Always keep breathing.
Dalia grips her firmly by the shoulders and looks at her seriously.
Always keep breathing.
...I’m planning on it.
DALIA
GINA
DALIA (firmly)
GINA
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Good.
Dalia lets her go. Gina walks to her desk and looks at the potted plant.
GINA Aww, this is so sweet, who did this?
MONICA
Oh, that’s from me! I just wanted to tell you how great it is to
have you back and how much you mean to us all. You are a very special person and we all love you so much. If you ever need to talk, I am right here, just one desk over. You can talk to me.
GINA
Thanks, that means a lot.
MONICA
And if you need any help with anything, if you need help with
work, or anything at home, or a ride to any appointments- GINA
No, thanks for the offer, but I still have my car, I’m all set. LOUIS
You’re still allowed to drive?
Gina looks at Louis. Monica and Dalia make exaggerated “no” gestures at him from behind her.
LOUIS Oh, I’m so sorry, was that rude?
GINA
McFall/”Hiiii”/akmcfall@gmail.com

I’m still allowed to drive, Louis. And it’s fine. What happened to Ricky’s desk?
LOUIS
I just, um, tripped. I’ll get it cleaned up. I hope the mess isn’t bad
for your anxiety. Or depression. Or whatever it is that made you-
oh god, I’m so sorry, I’m shutting up now.
Louis drops to the floor and starts cleaning up the papers from Ricky’s desk. Gina gets settled in.
GINA
Has anyone seen my good pen? The green one? ...Come on, guys,
that’s my lucky pen.
Dalia digs through her pockets and pulls out a green pen. She clutches it and approaches Gina.
DALIA
This fell into my purse, sorry. But I just want to remind you that
we all love you so much-
MONICA
-and that any feelings you have are valid and that we’re always
here for you-
LOUIS -and we’re supportive! Like a bra!
Gina stands up and cuts them off.
GINA
Okay, all of you, cool it! Everyone sit down and listen.
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The three others hurry back to their own chairs. Gina takes a deep breath and addresses them.
GINA
Last week, I checked myself into the hospital for self-harm. It was
the best move for me and it was a lot of help. And I really appreciate everyone’s concern, but I’m back now and I’m not made out of glass. I have a lot of stuff I’m still working on personally, but I don’t want it to impact my professional life any more than it already has. So don’t walk on eggshells, you don’t need to tell me I’m loved every five seconds, and you need to give me my pens back. I’m sorry I scared you guys, but I’m fine.
Dalia slowly hands Gina her green pen back. Gina takes it.
GINA
Thank you. (jokingly) Besides, if I wanted to kill myself, there are a
lot easier ways than with a pen.
The other three gasp in sheer shock.
Too soon?
Ricky enters the office.
GINA
RICKY Morning. Oh, hey, Gina, welcome back.
GINA Thanks, Ricky, glad to be back.
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RICKY
When you have a second, could I grab that paperwork on the
Anderson deal?
Sure.
Good, thanks.
GINA
RICKY
Gina shuffles papers on her desk, looking for the file. Dalia, Monica and Louis scurry over to Ricky and pull him aside.
MONICA Ricky, you know what today is, don’t you?
DALIA
It’s Gina’s first day back and we need to give her the time and
space to get back to work.
MONICA
But don’t crowd her, she doesn’t like that. LOUIS
And don’t say anything wrong! And don’t worry about saying
anything wrong!
Ricky calls over to Gina.
RICKY
Gina, were you planning on killing yourself with the Anderson file?
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Wasn’t on my agenda.
GINA
RICKY Cool, then let me know when you find it.
Everyone slowly goes back to their own desks and start working. They work in silence. Dalia pulls her coat off of the casserole dish.
Black out.
DALIA
Anyone feel like a vegan gluten-free casserole?
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